mayo: the devil's condiment

From Hell.

as a teenager, i washed dishes at a sandwich joint. the smell of hot mayo turning instantly rancid when it hit the dunk sink made me afeared for life. and ranch dressing was worse.

Mayo is nice. Aioli nicer.

voted for hell but every once in a blue moon i will countenance a mayo, in the right context... usually when you cant taste it

i sometimes eat slices of tomato with just mayo and a bit of pepper

salad cream, doy

I made homemade mayo once and it was p good

I think it's weird how, after you scoop out a dollop of mayo from a jar, the remaining mayo stays taut and unconforming in a post-apocalytic world, waiting for the hell breeze to blow that will cleanse the mayo landscape and rend everything flat and clean again, but that hellbreeze will never sweep the mayoplains, in a jar of mayo

Nothing at all wrong with mayo, people with food issues go find a shrink to pat your hand and say "there there, did the bad emulsion scare you"

Just kidding but nah, mayo is a good thing.

the only place I could ever really tolerate mayo was in a tuna salad, and I don't eat tuna any more so fuck mayonnaise forever and ever

and its ivy-league cousin aioli can take its refined airs and shove them up its greasy ass

for the purposes of this thread, aioli = mayo

gtfo

voted for "mayo is okay" -- if it's on a sandwich already i won't turn my nose up at it but if i'm fixing my own i'll probably opt for mustard or something.

I can get that. like if I survived a nuclear strike and there was just mayonnaise for my sandwich ok. but as long as civilization still exists, why not make use of mustard, the spread of kings

Mustard is indeed the grand piano of the condiments

sriracha mayo y'all

Mayo as a dip for vlaames frites is unspeakably unstoppably good, get that shit away from me it is delicious
Homemade mayo with hard boiled eggs and gherkins is classic beyond belief, come over some time and I will show you

you people are nuts

mayo is delicious

the only place I could ever really tolerate mayo was in a tuna salad, and I don't eat tuna any more so fuck mayonnaise forever and ever

― Inconceivable (to the entire world) (underrated aerosmith bootlegs I have owned), Sunday, September 23, 2012 10:16 AM (27 minutes ago) Bookmark

potato salad man (light mayo obv)

Homemade mayo with hard boiled eggs and gherkins is classic beyond belief, come over some time and I will show you

gross

i only hate three foods: mayo, overcooked green beans, and ranch dressing. but of the three, mayo is the only one that offends me.

hot mayo turning instantly rancid

ok let's be fair to hot mayo, isn't it just curdling?

I put mayo on a corned beef (or was it pastrami?) sandwich last weekend. So wrong, but I don't care.

you know how if you sell a sugar-&-water-enriched fruit juice you legally have to market it as a juice-drink, to avoid confusion & admit what it is you're selling, i feel like mayonnaise should legally have to be sold as Old Hot Eggs, w/the only room for mixing up the description being in suffixes, eg Helmann's Old Hot Eggs In A Jar

vlasic "dead cucumber packed in salt water"

http://thebrooklynink.com/2012/04/09/44186-mayonnaise-only-store-opens-in-prospect-heights/

Poor nam pla would be marketed as "innards of small fish allowed to rot before some process of titration and reduction"

mayo is delicious

― horseshoe, Sunday, September 23, 2012 10:38 AM (41 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Yep. I love it.

Fries dipped in good mayo are one of the greatest things on Earth.

I quite like mayo in a shop-bought sandwich or some kind of mayo-based drizzle or aioli with a meal out, but I never feel the need to buy a jar, let alone make my own. Which is good because the other half hates mayo and I would have to hear a lot of disgusted proclamations if he found any in our fridge.

I guess I'm voting "nice" but before I moved in with such an ardent mayo-hater I'd probably have gone for "okay in small doses".

it's just that america tend to abuse it

but yea i'm a fan of a good sandwich

Mayo is excellent.

Mayo on a poultry sandwich is good.

Mayo-based "salads" are horrifying unless they are tuna salad or the salad has a shit-ton of curry powder in it

Mayo-based potato salad is like eating Rainbow Brite's stale vomit

Mayo on a hamburger is like eating a cow sneeze

I don't eat meat anymore but mayo on a bacon cheeseburger is delicious.

So is potato salad (as long as there's not too much mayo). You're crazy.

fresh turkey sam wit mayonnaise is ace++++ / turkey club

I would have to respectfully disagree, that sounds about as appetizing a 2 girls 1 cup burger

Xp to ENBB

3 parts mayo to one yellow burger mustard and one ketchup, plus paprika, cayenne, and crushed garlic, plus finely diced gherkins, is the burger relish of the gods.

Mayo with hot smoked paprika, sea salt, crushed garlic, sundried tomato paste, and Spanish sherry vinegar is an amazing, quick, cheat bravas for some potatas.

Hot chips dipped in mayo is amazing.

A big blob of mayo on the side of a bowl of chilli is amazing.

Bacon sandwich with rocket and mayo is amazing.

Aioli is always amazing.

Hated mayo as a kid but love I now. Have to whip it to a smooth consistency, though.

Why the fuck would you put mayo in chili

Why the fuck would you put mayo in chili

sour cream is for chili guys

I made some homemade mayo recently but it turned out too lemony to be a versatile sandwich condiment. Made a batch of tuna salad with it though and it was perfect, no surprise there.

xp gotta say, mayo in chili sounds horrifying.

You don't put it IN chilli, you have it on the side, as a condiment, because its fucking lush, dude. That creaminess, with the spiciness of a chilli, om nom nom. First did it cos we'd run out of sour cream. Never gone back.

"You know what is really great, is a bowl of chicken noodle soup with a dollop of mayo floating in the middle"

mayo in chili is gross

I made some homemade mayo recently but it turned out too lemony to be a versatile sandwich condim

^^ u made aioli w/ egg

i had chicken soup with avocado in it last night

hey chick-fil-a you should put avocado on that sandwich

I don't hate mayo, but I can't think of too many situations where I'd prefer it to mustard.

thanks for sharing!

it’s positively childish to be anything less than enthusiastic about mayo

xp
That's right up there with Body Butter.

we'll look i'm not going to get into it but putting mayonnaise in your hair is perfectly legit, and if for some reason you object to your hair smelling strongly of mayonnaise then you can add essential oils to taste

body butter is the real enemy

it’s positively childish to be anything less than enthusiastic about mayo

― brimstead, Wednesday, April 19, 2023 1:32 PM (twenty-five minutes ago)

this is not the first time i have seen this accusation leveled at mayo-haters, of which i am one.
i have truly never felt so harshly judged for such an inconsequential and personal choice. absurd. less absurd in this thread than the other one (because it's about like/dislike the devil's condiment)but absurd nevertheless.

I was being sarcastic!! Read my posts itt!!

I got inappropriately mad in the uncool food opinions thread when flopson said not liking ketchup was childish lol

oh right! i apologize -- i think i thought you were the same person (my bad!!)

i was also insppropriately angry about that hence my pissy post above.

i still think mayo is gross and will never voluntarily eat it. when i was a kid. my mom refused to eat anything with peanuts or rootbeer. she had no rational reason other than these two foodstuffs nauseated her. i can't imagine anyone calling her childish for having culinary aversion to comon foodstuffs. why shit on mayo haters?!

oops *common

i stand & close the refrigerator door. on the counter, triumphant, is my cheese & mayonnaise sandwich.

fwiw a cheese-and-mayo sandwich has been my dad's go-to lunch for decades, probably ever since he became vegetarian in the early '70s. I consequently grew up eating and appreciating them as well, though having good cheese is pretty crucial. These days I jazz it up with lettuce, onions and pickles, but as a base, cheese and mayo is delicious.

(literally just had a cheese sammy for lunch today — aged English cheddar lightly melted on a good baguette, with a dollop of Kewpie mayo, lettuce, onion and bread-and-butter pickle. 10/10, would eat again)

Sounds amazing.

In my experience, picky people tend to deny it and claim that they like everything except one or two things but the more time you spend with them the more you find little exceptions that end up meaning that they have a hard time ordering in restaurants unless they’ve ordered the dish before or else they have to quiz the waiter at length before ordering (usually including special instructions).

So, I'll say that I think eggs and milk are among the weirdest things human beings eat. Think about it: Another animal's breastmilk and unfertilized (sometimes!) eggs. And the things we have to do to get a steady supply of these things is both unnatural and sometimes horrific. And, mayo is unfertilized egg of a chicken whipped furiously with oil.

Yet, I love milk and eggs. And I love mayo. But I acknowledge that it is objectively, well... it should at least be considered a delicacy. A member of my immediate family who lives in the midwest, eats a lot of casseroles made with canned vegetables, and pretty much every meal is built around ground beef, thinks raw fish is some kind of exotic delicacy which she'd never have the courage to try, yet dumps 1/8 a jar of mayonnaise on her medium rare hamburgers without any acknowledgement of just how weird and gross mayo is on its surface. Not to mention a big side of deviled eggs with pretty much any special meal!

I guess I see it both ways. I hate food shaming on both ends. The picky and those extremely intolerant of others' possibly too sensitive disgust reflex. Food is too fun to be so negative about.

eggs are probably the favorite food of most creatures big enough to swallow them. they are ultra-nutritious and best of all they can't fight back! even snakes love eggs

the whole astrology thing with “picky eaters” is really absurd

hey guess what i just put mayonnaise in

a freakin', tofu marinade. and now i have these tofu slabs all just soaking up mayo for literally no reason. mayo tofu, yeah that's right.

(i mean it's not only mayonnaise. what do you think i am, some kind of lunatic? it's all like soy sauce and ginger and garlic whatever, pepper and i think paprika maybe, why not. and then a fat luscious glob of the devil's dick cheese)

i have no excuse. there wasn't any recipe that told me to do it, and i didn't use it as a substitute for anything else. i had this perfectly normal marinade all mixed up and i was scanning the fridge for, i don't know, inspiration or something. and then before i knew what was happening i was somehow whisking mayonnaise into it? is this how alien abductees feel?

it's fine, though. everything is fine. nothing matters. laws aren't real. mayo tofu.

How did it turn out?

i went a little heavy on the pepper, it turns out, but it was less of an abomination than i expected. 6/10, not especially mayo-y.

tofu zarandeado

having just googled zarandeado, daaaaamn

the mayo based zarandeado marinades could work well for tofu. Chef friend that taught me used mayo and chile morita. Highly recommend it!

egg, oil, vinegar - horrifying

Mayo is godly when used sparingly. It's the only industrial condiment we use, and it goes in exactly four meals: 1. Belgian fries that are already cooked in beef fat but hey decadence, 2. Homemade burgers because fuck ketchup, 3. Avo toast + cucumber + hard-boiled egg 4. wraps with beans stew + avo + salad + coriander. My beloved adds an unlikely 5. Bolognaise and I don't judge (silently I do). I wish I had the mayo from Woolies, it was the best.

mayo + fries an all-time luxe indulgence, mmmm

i still remember the first time i tried them together: 13 yrs old, family trip in mendocino, some crispy chicken shack. don't recall how the fries came to be doused with mayonnaise, maybe it was a dare or something, but that first taste was like hold on, this isn't disgusting? my mouth is loving this, wtf? good times, man, good times!

my lad has finally come over to the veggie side, so (ironically) i'm about to go ham on some tofu recipes and am most grateful to you, Sufjan Grafton, for this zarandeado revelation. maybe try it on some hearts of palm, all flaky and whatnot.

might as well throw some mayo into my next batch of lentil bolognaise, too. will report back if i die 🫡

guess who used watery mayonnaise instead of an egg wash on some pasties IT WAS ME AHAHAHAHAHAHA I CAN NEVER BE STOPPED

worked well btw -- pasties cooked up crisp & shiny & golden brown, the edges stayed sealed, no noticeable mayo flavor

yesterday i bought a big tub of hellman's. today i baked some potato slices (had parboiled yesterday) with olive oil, garlic, s&p

served with mayo and heinz

by big tub i just mean the normal size

I've lived in my apartment for ten years and I guarantee there's been no mayo in here since I've been present, unless a guest had some in a pocket or purse

you're saying you're a Miracle Whip guy?

Our local diner serves their fries with a side of chipotle mayo for dipping. It is truly the perfect complement. However, one struggles to find a good store-bought alternative for home consumption. I tried the Hellman's Organic Chipotle Mayo, but it seems too mayonaissey. Something is missing that I can't put my finger on. Hellman's also sells a Spicy Ancho Chipotle Sauce, but its only available in gallon jugs. Maybe that's for the restaurant market. I wish they would offer a consumer size version.

the answer is because it's store bought. just make your own!

I would if I knew what to put in it to make it taste like the restaurant version! I notice the gallon sauce has tomato paste in it in addition to the mayo and chipotle. Maybe I should try adding a bit of that. Just mayo + chipotle doesn't do it.

think this might be the weekend I finally make fresh mayonnaise

Basic mayo is great for mixing in hot sauces, garlic/spices, etc

Making aioli is tricky. I made it once with an olive oil that was so strong-tasting that it ruined the mix. It was pain to make and was such a disappointment. Other friends have made better versions of it, but I have always felt indifferent to their versions too.

I like store-bought mayonnaise better - Hellmans, Kewpie, Duke's, even Kraft

We call Hellman's 'Best Foods' out west

A good Cannonball Run remake might see some lovable rogues trying to smuggle Best Foods east of the Mississippi

yes. Buy canned chipotles in adobo and blend with store mayo.

I disagree. Canned chipotles in adobo are so out there that I have no idea how to use them. They are big thick slabs of dried jalapenos in a very intense sauce. They are definitely not meant as a sauce for dipping fries

never, ever make aïoli with olive oil. always a neutral oil like canola otherwise it will be gross

when it comes to canned chipotles in adobo, just some of the liquid they're packed in will suffice to fold in with store mayo, and that way you wouldn't need a blender

upon reflection i would like to amend my previous post: for "mayo flavor" please sub in "taint of mayo"

budo jeru you have made me want potatoes, yet all the potatoes currently in my possession are earmarked for soup, and i am much grieved. and how were yours sliced, spears or chips or other? i've tried to make those wacky accordion spuds and by gosh they're a lot of fuss for relatively little potat.

o. nate what if you went to the cafe and ordered fries with a quart of dipping sauce, and then you surreptitiously scraped the chipotle mayo into your purse, what if that

Andy, one day your heart will learn to love mayonnaise and we will all welcome you home with greasy arms and sulfurous, eggy kisses

what if -- i'm having a brainstorm here, a brain tornado, a brain typhoon -- what if i make scrambled eggs with mayonnaise and nothing else

these were farmer's market potatoes, small and more round than oblong. i quartered them in attempt to make mini jojo potatoes

when parboiling i used white vin and fish sauce, i think this helped with the flavor. in the past i've sliced potatoes raw and baked them directly, but the result was always too dry

i should add, finally, that after boiling to near-done-ness (but still somewhat stiff), i let them dry overnight in the fridge on a sheet tray. i think this helped them get crispy when baking

i love farmer's market taters so frigging much. and, yeah, the parcooking takes 'em next level when roasted fer sure

i've made this vegan mayo before and a) it was really good! b) nice not having to worry about there being raw egg in it. i'd make it but have about a quart of kewpie in the fridge.
recipe in case anyone's of a mind:
Veganaise
½ cup of soy milk, plain and preferably unsweetened
1 cup plus 2 tablespoons of canola oil
¼ teaspoon of apple cider vinegar
¼ teaspoon of agave
¾ teaspoon of kosher salt
½ tablespoon of fresh lemon juice
zest from 1/8 of an organic lemon
1/8 teaspoon of dry mustard

do you make an emulsion of some kind, or just mix it all together?

emulsion, yeah. Oil added after combining other ings.