rolling new food laboratory inventions for american chain restaurants thread

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http://i.imgur.com/7siqm.jpg

un® (dayo), Friday, 15 June 2012 10:48 (five years ago) Permalink

http://i.imgur.com/qeSY7.png

un® (dayo), Friday, 15 June 2012 10:50 (five years ago) Permalink

http://i.imgur.com/BWQ2l.jpg

un® (dayo), Friday, 15 June 2012 10:51 (five years ago) Permalink

http://i.imgur.com/z6zhx.jpg

un® (dayo), Friday, 15 June 2012 10:51 (five years ago) Permalink

gonna be an important thread for future historians i feel

me so fat (strongo hulkington's ghost dad), Friday, 15 June 2012 11:20 (five years ago) Permalink

feel like you could shop the open end of that p'zolo onto goatse and no one would notice

me so fat (strongo hulkington's ghost dad), Friday, 15 June 2012 11:21 (five years ago) Permalink

wow the p'zolo is huge. truly something to behold.

lamborghini persie (J0rdan S.), Friday, 15 June 2012 12:25 (five years ago) Permalink

it's kind of maddening. i mean if pizza hut and these other places would just take all the $$ they are presumably putting into r&d or whatever it's called in the fast food/chain restaurant world and instead put it towards quality ingredients with the aim of making simple (if greazy) good ol' fashioned pizza, then their products would be edible, something like they last were decades ago. the drive for novelty has become increasingly silly to the point where, when i opened this thread i momentarily thought these were just some jokey ideas that dayo or another person had photoshopped. the p'zolo things just look nightmarish. are they using half-starved drug-addled homeless ppl for their test-marketing subjects or what?

dell (del), Friday, 15 June 2012 13:26 (five years ago) Permalink

even mcdonald's has more dignity

dell (del), Friday, 15 June 2012 13:28 (five years ago) Permalink

A COOL COLLISION OF SALTY SWEAT

blossom smulch (schlump), Friday, 15 June 2012 13:36 (five years ago) Permalink

just bought a bacon sundae fyi

un® (dayo), Friday, 15 June 2012 16:55 (five years ago) Permalink

did it come with a decorative piece of bacon sticking out?

she started dancing to that (Finefinemusic), Friday, 15 June 2012 16:57 (five years ago) Permalink

this is obvious but this is a direct correlation to the emphasis on drawing hits on websites instead of reporting news/doing actual journalism - these food products (see also the pizza with hot dogs in the crust) get the restaurants press coverage, draw in consumers who just want to try the products so they can say they tried them - it's all about boosting numbers

congratulations (n/a), Friday, 15 June 2012 17:02 (five years ago) Permalink

edible memes

congratulations (n/a), Friday, 15 June 2012 17:04 (five years ago) Permalink

consume the thing that consumes you

congratulations (n/a), Friday, 15 June 2012 17:04 (five years ago) Permalink

did it come with a decorative piece of bacon sticking out?

they
give you one big slice and then a bunch of bits

un® (dayo), Friday, 15 June 2012 17:07 (five years ago) Permalink

wow, that bacon thing is real?!

game of crones (La Lechera), Friday, 15 June 2012 17:08 (five years ago) Permalink

how times have changed

game of crones (La Lechera), Friday, 15 June 2012 17:08 (five years ago) Permalink

I could see the bk burger artist asking his manager on how many slices of bacon to put in the sundae

un® (dayo), Friday, 15 June 2012 17:11 (five years ago) Permalink

holding out for a vegan version with tofutti or soy delicious and some of those imitation bacon bits

dell (del), Friday, 15 June 2012 17:34 (five years ago) Permalink

this is obvious but this is a direct correlation to the emphasis on drawing hits on websites instead of reporting news/doing actual journalism - these food products (see also the pizza with hot dogs in the crust) get the restaurants press coverage, draw in consumers who just want to try the products so they can say they tried them - it's all about boosting numbers

yeah i reckon that's so but it still seems absurdly short-sighted. but whatever. capitalism in the nineties. or whatever decade this is

dell (del), Friday, 15 June 2012 17:35 (five years ago) Permalink

cant believe the bacon sundae is real

Michael B Higgins (Michael B), Friday, 15 June 2012 17:48 (five years ago) Permalink

idk ppl have been putting bacon in desserts for a while now, not that crazy that a big fast food restaurant would jump on that

lamborghini persie (J0rdan S.), Friday, 15 June 2012 17:49 (five years ago) Permalink

yeah my best bro's fiancee sprinkles bacon in coffee.

a regina spektor is haunting europe (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Friday, 15 June 2012 17:51 (five years ago) Permalink

full english breakfast smoothie

blossom smulch (schlump), Friday, 15 June 2012 17:55 (five years ago) Permalink

Thick, Hardwood

George Peppard Steak (snoball), Friday, 15 June 2012 17:59 (five years ago) Permalink

^ porn names

contenderizer, Friday, 15 June 2012 18:37 (five years ago) Permalink

and yeah, BK bacon sundae is not super surprising to me. makes sense: further mainstreaming of "yum bacon" meme, sweet + salty has been a food trend for a while. not a bad idea, though i don't trust burger king to do right by it.

contenderizer, Friday, 15 June 2012 18:43 (five years ago) Permalink

I've had bacon + ice cream or bacon + chocolate on a few occasions and it's never really been a very successful combination. It's basically just a sweet thing with a few chewy out-of-place bits of bacon floating around.

"Holy crap," I mutter, as he gently taps my area (silby), Friday, 15 June 2012 18:47 (five years ago) Permalink

I saw the P'zolo commercial on TV last night and startled my wife by yelling "WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT BULLSHIT" at the television

Victory Chainsaw! (DJP), Friday, 15 June 2012 18:49 (five years ago) Permalink

What in the fuck is the purpose of the apostrophe in the P'zone/P'zolo, other than to irritate me? Is there something wrong with "Pizzolo" (the word)? It's not like they're saving any syllables, really,

Race Against Rockism (Myonga Vön Bontee), Friday, 15 June 2012 21:00 (five years ago) Permalink

A made up word can be trademarked.

George Peppard Steak (snoball), Friday, 15 June 2012 21:05 (five years ago) Permalink

p'zolo live once thats the motto ni**a zolo

johnny crunch, Friday, 15 June 2012 21:08 (five years ago) Permalink

is "pizzone" a word?

Victory Chainsaw! (DJP), Friday, 15 June 2012 21:09 (five years ago) Permalink

hahaha "The P'Zolo: Better than a Hot Pocket!"

Victory Chainsaw! (DJP), Friday, 15 June 2012 21:14 (five years ago) Permalink

poo zoos only live once

puff puff post (uh oh I'm having a fantasy), Friday, 15 June 2012 21:15 (five years ago) Permalink

I have never heard of a poo zoo coming back from the dead so there is that

puff puff post (uh oh I'm having a fantasy), Friday, 15 June 2012 21:15 (five years ago) Permalink

poo zoo was the first p z combo I thought of, I should've went with the second: pussy zipper

puff puff post (uh oh I'm having a fantasy), Friday, 15 June 2012 21:16 (five years ago) Permalink

"coprophiliac zoophile" - two words you never want to see together.

George Peppard Steak (snoball), Friday, 15 June 2012 21:16 (five years ago) Permalink

pinata zoroaster

puff puff post (uh oh I'm having a fantasy), Friday, 15 June 2012 21:16 (five years ago) Permalink

Pazuzuzolo

a dense custard of infinity (Shakey Mo Collier), Friday, 15 June 2012 21:19 (five years ago) Permalink

I guess the name was chosen because "p'zolo!" is the sound someone makes when they bite into one and spit it out because it's too hot.

George Peppard Steak (snoball), Friday, 15 June 2012 21:23 (five years ago) Permalink

If there was a Klingon Pizza Hut, what would they call these?

George Peppard Steak (snoball), Friday, 15 June 2012 21:23 (five years ago) Permalink

pizza vuvuzelas think abt it

johnny crunch, Friday, 15 June 2012 21:26 (five years ago) Permalink

so who is gonna be the first one of us to actually eat a p'zolo?

me so fat (strongo hulkington's ghost dad), Friday, 15 June 2012 21:56 (five years ago) Permalink

i mean we all know it's gonna be me but i just figured i'd give someone else the opportunity to step up to the plate this time

me so fat (strongo hulkington's ghost dad), Friday, 15 June 2012 21:57 (five years ago) Permalink

knew they were doomed when they dropped the V-cut

The Fortnightly Intruder (GOTT PUNCH II HAWKWINDZ), Thursday, 28 December 2017 04:59 (one month ago) Permalink

I haven’t been to a subway since they dropped that, apparently?

mh, Thursday, 28 December 2017 05:02 (one month ago) Permalink

you probably felt like they had made their point by then.

The Fortnightly Intruder (GOTT PUNCH II HAWKWINDZ), Thursday, 28 December 2017 05:05 (one month ago) Permalink

Fieri still has plenty to keep him busy

j., Thursday, 28 December 2017 20:39 (one month ago) Permalink

https://www.washingtonpost.com/business/economy/the-dark-side-of-your-5-footlong-business-owners-say-it-could-bankrupt-them/2017/12/28/425b6ae8-e671-11e7-a65d-1ac0fd7f097e_story.html?tid=sm_tw&utm_term=.15741a91c6a8

In addition to Subway’s plans to relaunch the $5 Footlong, McDonald’s will revive a version of its Dollar Menu next month. Taco Bell has promised to expand its selection of discount items, as have Wendy’s and Jack in the Box.

we've been dollar-menu-less all this time??!?

j., Friday, 29 December 2017 02:04 (one month ago) Permalink

Basically, that article doesn't say that Subway franchisees would lose money, only that they'd make less profit and therefore pocket less money for themselves. When the owners start making less than twice what they pay their employees, then I might start sympathizing. A little.

A is for (Aimless), Friday, 29 December 2017 02:18 (one month ago) Permalink

"The brand is tired," said Joel Libava, a franchise consultant. "The employees even look tired."

Y'know, there's something here. I'm a shit fast food apologist and I've avoided Subway like the plague for as long as I can remember. The 1 to 1.5 times a year I eat Subway (on average) always remind me why I don't eat there.

Primarily, I don't like this narrative of sandwich customization and topping choice that Subway have cornered themselves into. I want a sandwich prepared properly, ideally by someone I can't see, and then I want my transaction processed by another staff member, as a kind of system of checks and balances. Many Subways these days are so broke that there's just one miserable looking teenager left behind, making the sandwiches and doing the cash.

I don't like feeling like I could suddenly have to initiate an argument with these people: "No, not that piece of disgusting tomato, the other one... That's too much mayo... Ok... Where the fuck do you come from where you put that much mayo on something? Have some fucking decency.... Lady, you're not supposed to wear the plastic gloves while you use your mobile phone, which you probably also use while you sit on the toilet. "

At McDonalds the sandwiches are prepared off-screen and delivered to me for payment by someone who does a slightly better job of seeming happy about the whole thing. I have fewer complaints because I don't see the process in action.

If I do have a complaint at McDonalds, the fact that I will have to complain to a politically neutral cashier after the transaction is more appealing than at Subway, where there is the nagging feeling that I should have complained to the artist during the making of the sandwich and that the fact that it's terrible is somehow my fault in the first place. It just makes me not want to go there.

McDonalds will survive because, to some extent a child can still point to a McDonalds burger and identify it as a burger. Subway won't survive, because what they make aren't subs, or sandwiches, or burgers.

fields of salmon, Friday, 29 December 2017 02:57 (one month ago) Permalink

so your theory is that the cashier needs independence from the sandwich artist because otherwise shame about the lack of artistry will be impossible to suppress?

j., Friday, 29 December 2017 02:59 (one month ago) Permalink

It's the system of parliamentary sandwich democracy my forefathers fought in the sandwich wars to defend.

fields of salmon, Friday, 29 December 2017 03:01 (one month ago) Permalink

I don’t buy into the disconnect because it’s not a tipping situation (controversial)! Like who cares if you hassled someone about the placement or selection of ingredients because you pay a set amount and ringing it up is just ending the transaction, not a judgment on how well they put stock ingredients in there correctly

mh, Friday, 29 December 2017 04:17 (one month ago) Permalink

Nah, I'm with Fields. Shit ain't supposed to be like a hot dog cart.

pplains, Friday, 29 December 2017 04:21 (one month ago) Permalink

only the worst drunks argue at a hot dog cart

mh, Friday, 29 December 2017 04:30 (one month ago) Permalink

Agree though that a franchise restaurant of a national restaurant chain shouldn't have just one employee handling food/counting money.

http://i.imgur.com/Tvfgnpq.jpg

pplains, Friday, 29 December 2017 04:41 (one month ago) Permalink

lol pp

johnny crunch, Friday, 29 December 2017 04:49 (one month ago) Permalink

"It's all fresh."

"...is it."

Ned Raggett, Friday, 29 December 2017 04:57 (one month ago) Permalink

Primarily, I don't like this narrative of sandwich customization and topping choice that Subway have cornered themselves into.

I don't like the narrative of customization in general that has sprung up in sandwich places/fast casual chains like chipotle and all the poke bowl places. Like I trust people whose job it is to create tasty flavor combinations and make them into menu items more than I trust myself not to point at every ingredient that i like in a vacuum until it all congeals into an overpowering mess.

oiocha, Saturday, 30 December 2017 21:25 (one month ago) Permalink

Don't make me post the video for "Freedom of Choice" in here

The Fortnightly Intruder (GOTT PUNCH II HAWKWINDZ), Saturday, 30 December 2017 21:36 (one month ago) Permalink

But creating an overpowering mess is the point of subway...

Frederik B, Saturday, 30 December 2017 22:01 (one month ago) Permalink

four weeks pass...

Not chain restaurant related, but I bought a couple of coffee-wine drinks in cans at the 99 Cent Store (curiosity) a while ago and they were as misguided as that sounds.

http://funwine.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/06/chard_splash.jpg

http://funwine.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/06/cabarnet.jpg

Their web site: http://funwine.com/

nickn, Sunday, 28 January 2018 04:28 (three weeks ago) Permalink

It seems not well thought out that those pics seem to show the cans vomiting their own contents

El Tomboto, Sunday, 28 January 2018 04:40 (three weeks ago) Permalink

no one told you this wine went from coffee to chardonnay

*clap* *clap* *clap* *clap*

pplains, Sunday, 28 January 2018 05:03 (three weeks ago) Permalink

wowww

maura, Sunday, 28 January 2018 05:27 (three weeks ago) Permalink

there is too much

we just need to do a rethink

j., Sunday, 28 January 2018 05:32 (three weeks ago) Permalink

nickn, thank you for venturing outside (into?) the can for evaluation

mh, Sunday, 28 January 2018 06:28 (three weeks ago) Permalink

Taco John's been had Potato Oles for years and they are better

bhad and bhabie (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Wednesday, 31 January 2018 13:17 (two weeks ago) Permalink

Del Taco has decent fries, too. Haven't tried the TB fries yet.

my dreams in the hell-pits (GOTT PUNCH II HAWKWINDZ), Wednesday, 31 January 2018 13:56 (two weeks ago) Permalink

Burger King’s chicken fries isn’t even a fry

hueg if true

j., Wednesday, 31 January 2018 14:15 (two weeks ago) Permalink

https://i.imgur.com/xuJsk1c.jpg

"IT'S A COOKBOOK!"

pplains, Wednesday, 31 January 2018 14:44 (two weeks ago) Permalink

While it seems like fool’s errand, Taco Bell has more space in the fried potato game than they lead on.

About what you'd expect from a 'journalist' who rates fast food.

A is for (Aimless), Wednesday, 31 January 2018 20:08 (two weeks ago) Permalink

voting other for 'perfect' because every time i hear him sing 'dancing in the dark with you between my arms' i wanna punch the radio because who the fuck says 'between your arms' instead of 'in your arms'? ffs i hate this cunt

― grim-n-gritty hooty reboot (bizarro gazzara), Friday, 19 January 2018 10:55 (two weeks ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

heard this again on the radio and almost swerved into oncoming traffic yelling about 'between my arms'

ed sheeran's gonna get me killed before i get to look for the first time upon the face of my infant daughter

i gotta be a gazpacho man (bizarro gazzara), Monday, 5 February 2018 14:32 (two weeks ago) Permalink

tbf, the ed sheeran flavored biscuits 'n' gravy are delicious

Chocolate-covered gummy bears? Not ruling those lil' guys out. (ulysses), Monday, 5 February 2018 14:35 (two weeks ago) Permalink

ed sheeran’s fucked me up so much i can’t keep threads straight ffs

i gotta be a gazpacho man (bizarro gazzara), Monday, 5 February 2018 15:44 (two weeks ago) Permalink

doritos sells sour cream flavored chips here, not sour cream and onion, just sour cream

there's also "cool american" which is cool ranch

sour cream come in a green bag & cool american in the familiar blue bag so I think they're not the same

I do not want sour cream flavored doritos

note that plain doritos are the best tortilla chip widely available here though they are still not great since all the corn tortilla products widely available here have a lot of flour in them instead of being straight corn, wtf

droit au butt (Euler), Monday, 5 February 2018 15:45 (two weeks ago) Permalink

at one point I was unsure whether to be angry about "cool american" instead of "cool ranch" but tbh that substitution reveals many things

mh, Monday, 5 February 2018 15:54 (two weeks ago) Permalink

https://www.msn.com/en-us/health/medical/mcdonald%E2%80%99s-fries-chemical-may-cure-baldness-study-says/ar-BBIJqnv

Japanese scientists may have discovered a cure for baldness and it lies within a chemical used to make McDonald’s fries.

A stem cell research team from Yokohama National University have used a “simple” method to regrow hair on mice with dimethylpolysiloxane, the silicone added to McDonald’s fries to stop cooking oil from frothing.

j., Monday, 5 February 2018 18:35 (two weeks ago) Permalink

so do I rub the fries directly on my head, or

mh, Monday, 5 February 2018 18:56 (two weeks ago) Permalink

My arteries are clogged with solidified fat but my hair looks terrific

my dreams in the hell-pits (GOTT PUNCH II HAWKWINDZ), Monday, 5 February 2018 19:30 (two weeks ago) Permalink

xp
Directly on your thighs, iirc.

nickn, Monday, 5 February 2018 21:11 (two weeks ago) Permalink

that Doritos article made me think of:

http://www.clickhole.com/article/powerful-pringles-has-unveiled-line-damp-chips-won-5938

silverfish, Tuesday, 6 February 2018 01:46 (one week ago) Permalink

I guess most of the articles posted on this thread might as well also be posted in the "things that look like onion articles but aren't"

silverfish, Tuesday, 6 February 2018 01:48 (one week ago) Permalink

thread

silverfish, Tuesday, 6 February 2018 01:49 (one week ago) Permalink

I'm listening.

pplains, Thursday, 8 February 2018 14:00 (one week ago) Permalink

https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2018-02-13/chipotle-taps-taco-bell-ceo-as-new-leader-in-major-culture-shift

attn landfill indie wannabes, "The Ailing Burrito Chain" is just sitting there, waiting to be your band's name

the portentous pepper (govern yourself accordingly), Wednesday, 14 February 2018 02:13 (five days ago) Permalink

I don't know what to think, but I hope the basics stay good enough

mh, Wednesday, 14 February 2018 02:20 (five days ago) Permalink

this could also the beginning of real machine-printed humane meats, who knows

mh, Wednesday, 14 February 2018 02:21 (five days ago) Permalink

pretty sure "The Ailing Burrito Chain" is the subtitle to human centipede 4

Chocolate-covered gummy bears? Not ruling those lil' guys out. (ulysses), Wednesday, 14 February 2018 02:55 (five days ago) Permalink


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