VegemiteGrrl's Home for the Absent-Minded

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Welcome to Vegemite Grrl's Home for the Absent-Minded, where you can tell tales of putting milk in the pantry/driving to the store and then forgetting what you went there to buy/looking for your glasses for 20 minutes before you realize you're wearing them/etcetera without fear of reprisals*.
*Polite and or incredulous laughing and headshaking are par for the course and to be expected.

I hope I'm not the only one who fills this full of tales. Oh I have so many. Here's today's:

I have a cool hoonjadoonja that I plug my iphone/ipod into so that it will play through the car stereo. It's awesome.
...Except for when I put my phone/pod in my pocket without unplugging it and go to get out of the car. That's when I feel a sharp tug and a) my phone flies out of my pocket onto the ground still plugged in, or b) the rest of the device that plugs into the console rips out and I notice a cord coming out of my pocket and go "OHH RIGHT".

Hangs head.

Welcome, one and all.

Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Thursday, 7 June 2012 01:22 (five years ago) Permalink

Recently my wife emailed me at work a digital photo of our utility drawer. Where I had replaced the scissors I had used to cut open a cheese package. And where I also placed the cheese.

Soccer mom, hopeless and lost, in utter despair (Dan Peterson), Thursday, 7 June 2012 01:30 (five years ago) Permalink

<3 welcome. You are among friend/s, Dan.

Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Thursday, 7 June 2012 01:32 (five years ago) Permalink

Today I let a no knead bread rise for 10 hours too long, then when I dumped it out on the workspace to salvage, discovered I had used twice as much water as called for. The white, pasty, wet gloop spilled all over everything.

Josh in Chicago, Thursday, 7 June 2012 02:33 (five years ago) Permalink

Goes to supermarket to get one specific item I'm out of (toilet paper, margarine, water, coffee, stuff you need every day), returns with a car filled with everything on the shopping list, except that one thing I needed. But I did cross it off the list in the store. Why do I even make lists?

StanM, Thursday, 7 June 2012 03:10 (five years ago) Permalink

oh god I do that so much

Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Thursday, 7 June 2012 03:13 (five years ago) Permalink


buzza, Thursday, 7 June 2012 03:14 (five years ago) Permalink

Today I was in the kitchen holding the baby and trying to rinse a dish. Next thing I know I am in the bedroom and could hear water running because for some weird reason I forgot to turn of the kitchen faucet.

*tera, Thursday, 7 June 2012 03:16 (five years ago) Permalink

I shall try to spare this thread my continuing adventures in never being able to remember if I locked the front door, but I'm sure I'll have many other things to bring here :(

yesterday I forgot to check there was nothing sitting on top of the fishtank (which is too close to the wall to look behind and too heavy and full of fish to move) before opening it, and had to sheepishly ask if the birthday card I rescued just in time was the only thing that had been there, or if I had lost anything useful

instant coffee happening between us (a passing spacecadet), Thursday, 7 June 2012 10:13 (five years ago) Permalink

Goes to supermarket to get one specific item I'm out of (toilet paper, margarine, water, coffee, stuff you need every day), returns with a car filled with everything on the shopping list, except that one thing I needed. But I did cross it off the list in the store. Why do I even make lists?

i do this all the time but last week outdid myself when i left the house to get a couple of essentials and somehow completely forget to go to the shop at all. i think i literally just wandered around for a bit listening to nicki minaj and got distracted by a market with nice food.

kanye kardashian (lex pretend), Thursday, 7 June 2012 10:22 (five years ago) Permalink

This one time after making a cup of tea I put the kettle in the fridge, and had to re-arrange quite a lot of stuff in there to make it fit.

I wish to incorporate disco into my small business (chap), Thursday, 7 June 2012 10:31 (five years ago) Permalink

Three times a day I wander around my classroom for four or five minutes trying to locate something I've set down--my clipboard, student work, my coffee, a red pen, etc. Yesterday I left the coffee cup in the supply cupboard. As I look for these things, usually muttering to myself, five students will come up to me in the interim with a question about something; "Hang on," I'll say tersely, as I wave them away before continuing my search.

clemenza, Thursday, 7 June 2012 12:08 (five years ago) Permalink

I once somehow misplaced a pen in my pocket. Yes, in my pocket. I totally couldn't find it, so grabbed another pen and put it in there. Then at the end of the day, I found two pens in my pocket.

Josh in Chicago, Thursday, 7 June 2012 14:02 (five years ago) Permalink

I've got one pen in my pocket
And the other one...correction--two pens in my pocket.

clemenza, Thursday, 7 June 2012 14:12 (five years ago) Permalink

This one time after making a cup of tea I put the kettle in the fridge, and had to re-arrange quite a lot of stuff in there to make it fit.

This one made me giggle like mad.

Pureed Moods (Trayce), Thursday, 7 June 2012 14:28 (five years ago) Permalink

That's like me putting a coffee pod in the machine and hitting "brew" and not realizing I hadn't put a cup under the spout. Did that in full view of my manager once.

how did I get here? why am I in the whiskey aisle? this is all so (Laurel), Thursday, 7 June 2012 14:30 (five years ago) Permalink

I caught myself one morning about to pour milk in the water-tank of the espresso maker. O_o

Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Thursday, 7 June 2012 14:57 (five years ago) Permalink

i love these. esp the cheese one.

rayuela, Thursday, 7 June 2012 15:00 (five years ago) Permalink

Mr Veg has this one particular look he gives me when these things happen. It's like a cross between abject concern for my mental health and sheer unbridled amusement at my ridiculousness.

Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Thursday, 7 June 2012 16:50 (five years ago) Permalink

Had to get up early today for work, closed (usually always open) bedroom door so wife could sleep in. After breakfast, remembered something I had to get from wardrobe, ran full-tilt into bedroom door in the dark, bent glasses/nose/knee. Now knee hurts in the cold, and I have become an old man.

seven league bootie (James Morrison), Thursday, 7 June 2012 23:45 (five years ago) Permalink

not to mention woke up your wife rather abruptly, I would imagine

epistantophus, Friday, 8 June 2012 01:01 (five years ago) Permalink

oh James owwww

Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Friday, 8 June 2012 01:20 (five years ago) Permalink

turned out she was awake all along

seven league bootie (James Morrison), Friday, 8 June 2012 02:21 (five years ago) Permalink

The best friends an absent-minded person will ever have are habits so deeply rutted, so acidly etched upon the brain cells as to be automatic, and utterly and mechanically reliable. For example, I trained myself never to close a car door unless the keys to the car are enclosed in my fist. I verify this over and over, habitually. Even when I am not the driver.

Aimless, Friday, 8 June 2012 03:14 (five years ago) Permalink

i can't even count the amount of times that i've frantically scrambled around the house searching for my keys before realizing they're in my back pocket

J0rdan S., Friday, 8 June 2012 03:16 (five years ago) Permalink

Yep aims I do that too, I developed a "look back at the seat I just got up from" habit when exiting trains/cafe seats/etc to ensure i dont leave behind bags or umbrellas. I put my keys in a spot, same spot, no matter what when I come home.

Pureed Moods (Trayce), Friday, 8 June 2012 03:18 (five years ago) Permalink

That would be a better approach than my current 'keep everything in your pockets at all times, thus carrying 2kg of crap on your hips at all times' method

seven league bootie (James Morrison), Friday, 8 June 2012 05:30 (five years ago) Permalink

haha omg, im a fucking space cadet: after riding to work one day i took the subway home carrying my bicycle helmet, walked in the door and saw the empty spot on the wall where my bike usually goes and shouted "holy shit! where's my bike??". I set up for a performance that i completely forgot i was performing in. and i have (more than once) walked about 5 blocks from the house before i realized i was supposed to be checking the mail. fucking hippie parents man. they ruined me.

⦧(^_^)⦦ ♫ \(' )/ ♪ \(' o ')/ ♬ ⦧( ')⦦ ♪ ⦧(- ̺-)⦦ (dsvoris), Friday, 8 June 2012 05:36 (five years ago) Permalink

dude...I so feel you on this.

I carpool with Mr Veg & usually have the car, but every now and then he'll drop me at work and take the car. Inevitably on those days I will grab my keys at lunchtime, walk all the way out to the parking lot where I usually park my car and then go 'where the fuck is my ca----oh wait I don't have the car today'.

Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Friday, 8 June 2012 05:39 (five years ago) Permalink

My housemate forgot to go to one of his best mate's wedding. I think thats pretty stellar.

Pureed Moods (Trayce), Friday, 8 June 2012 05:39 (five years ago) Permalink

I lose stuff all the time - when it comes around the time for hat and scarf, I will always go through 1-2 of both before they settle in 'on the inventory' and I know to check for them on getting up from wherever I've been. And then when it is no longer time for hat and scarf, there's a few weeks of occasional panic that I've left them somewhere, fading into more existential dread that I've left something somewhere, but what?

Andrew Farrell, Friday, 8 June 2012 05:47 (five years ago) Permalink

my worst, most horrifying absent-minded moment was when I was immigrating to the States. I took a flight that had 24 hour layover in Japan, so that necessitated going through customs etc. So as I'm preparing to re-embark on my journey after the layover, I've gone through the security check where they've x-rayed my carry on luggage etc etc and I'm now standing in line at customs, holding my passport and boarding pass waiting to get my passport stamped.

As I'm standing in line I see a Japanese airport guard walking along the length of the room, holding up a black satchel. He's not saying anything, just displaying it, walking back and forth along the lenght of the room. He walks by again and this time I notice the bag and think, huh that's a similar bag to mine. I look down, and realize that I AM NOT WEARING MY CARRYON BAG IE BLACK SATCHEL HOLY FUCK THAT'S MINE and I bolt after the guard to meekly reclaim my important possessions. ie wallet money, phone, everything I own.

I still get a wave of nausea thinking about that.

Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Friday, 8 June 2012 05:49 (five years ago) Permalink

Needless to say I'm ridiculously ocd about my belongings when I travel now

Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Friday, 8 June 2012 05:50 (five years ago) Permalink

ACE thread

on sunday I spent fully 15 minutes looking for the keys that were in my back pocket

that's not kewell (Autumn Almanac), Friday, 8 June 2012 06:45 (five years ago) Permalink

oh and the thing where I'll be looking for 'er indoors in a shopping centre/street and repeatedly not see her standing right in front of me (this happens weekly)

that's not kewell (Autumn Almanac), Friday, 8 June 2012 06:47 (five years ago) Permalink

your bag story is terrifying btw, the worst possible thing to lose at the worst possible time

that's not kewell (Autumn Almanac), Friday, 8 June 2012 06:49 (five years ago) Permalink

oh and yesterday I put a bottle of olive oil in a calico bag and realised 10 minutes later that I hadn't put the lid back on

that's not kewell (Autumn Almanac), Friday, 8 June 2012 06:52 (five years ago) Permalink

i don't know why but my most advanced displays of absent-mindedness involved bathtubs. I once switched on the tap to start myself a bath. While waiting for the tub to fill up I started doing other things and then decided I needed to do my grocery shopping. which took me about a half hour. I came back to a well-flooded apartment and some very angry neighbors. Another time, same thing, tub filling up and I start watching a movie. After a while I realised that the sound of water flowing that I was hearing did not come from the movie but from my bathroom where luckily the tub had only just a bit overflowed. And for some absent-mindedness that did not involve tubs, there's the day I went outside my flat to throw away the garbage. The door to my flat shut behind me. I then noticed I didn't have my keys. So I start knocking on the door hoping my flatmate hears me. Then after 10mns I remember that he's not home. So I go knock at our neighbor's place to see if I can hang out with him until my flatmate returns. Neighbor wasn't there so I spent 1 hour waiting outside my apartment only to see my flatmate return and open the door without a key. That's when I remembered that unless you used your key, the door isn't locked.

Jibe, Friday, 8 June 2012 07:44 (five years ago) Permalink

oh god your airport story VG

once when i was coming back from atlanta, i went through customs as normal, including taking my laptop out of my hand luggage for the scanner as is standard. got out the other end, got my stuff together, took the little train thing from customs to the terminals, settled down in the lounge and decided i had time to go on the internet and OMG WHERE IS LAPTOP. i'd just walked off from customs without it!!!! luckily i had enough time to take the train back, endure the mocking laughter of the officials as i reclaimed it etc.

yesterday i popped out to the shops, halfway down road realised i'd forgotten my wallet, duh. nothing new here. got home, decided to change my coat as well cuz it wasn't as cold as i thought it would be, left house again, got to the shop and realised i had STILL FORGOTTEN MY WALLET. goddddddddddd

kanye kardashian (lex pretend), Friday, 8 June 2012 08:03 (five years ago) Permalink

the whereabouts of my keys are also a permanent mystery to me - even though i actually HAVE a designated place i always put the fucking things all the time in order to prevent scenarios like, eg, having to cancel social engagements because i can't find my keys anywhere (this happens on a regular basis).

kanye kardashian (lex pretend), Friday, 8 June 2012 08:04 (five years ago) Permalink

My daughter, who's now 22, still remembers the trauma of us heading out to something important when she was about 7 and we were seriously delayed by my inability to locate my keys.

To this day, whenever I'm looking for something, she suggests 'the vegetable rack'

Fine Toothcomb (sonofstan), Friday, 8 June 2012 08:30 (five years ago) Permalink

oh man just remembered one from when i was a kid (around 8-9). I had football practice with my brother. once it was over, i walk back to school talking with a friend (that's a 15minute walk). when i arrive at school you're supposed to register upon arrival so i give me and my brother's name. the guy looks at me strangely and i don't understand why. then he asks me where my brother, whom i'm registering, is. he was by the football field patiently waiting for me to take him to school.

Jibe, Friday, 8 June 2012 08:35 (five years ago) Permalink

I left my passport by the sink in the airport toilets once. Got back to the gate where the plane was about to leave and realised and ran back to the toilets in a panic not even knowing if I'd had it when I went there. Luckily it was still there and the plane hadn't gone yet. If someone had nicked it, or even helpfully handed it in at some kind of central desk far away from my gate...

(I have hated airports since the time I missed my plane because the queue for the security scan was going really slowly, and there are no clocks or flight announcements in the security area so I didn't know my flight was being called, and anyway there were no staff around to ask to be let through faster. You don't get a refund for that, the staff just look at you like you're a moron and then you have to go and pay for a new flight. I still feel it was not quite my fault, but uh, I could have been checking the time more instead of just standing where I was told and assuming that since I hadn't heard my name on the completely silent tannoy it was all fine)

instant coffee happening between us (a passing spacecadet), Friday, 8 June 2012 09:03 (five years ago) Permalink

xps I can't have a leather wallet like a grownup, I need one of those canvas skater type ones cos leather wallets don't have anything to attach one's keys onto and whenever they get seperated I lock myself out of places at basically the first opportunity

geezargh butlargh (DJ Mencap), Friday, 8 June 2012 09:06 (five years ago) Permalink

I have actually done the thing that you're really not supposed to be able to do any more - due to poor ticket checking on the part of the steward, got on the wrong plane and only realised when there was fortunately someone already in 'my' seat.

Andrew Farrell, Friday, 8 June 2012 09:26 (five years ago) Permalink

I've just this evening missed a flight to my parents place because I completely blanked on the concept that I was travelling to the airport in peak hour traffic, and didnt factor that in to my timing :( Fuckin.

I feel like a complete dickhead. Luckily they allowed me to move to the first thing tomorrow morming flight for only a small extra fee.

Pureed Moods (Trayce), Friday, 8 June 2012 10:35 (five years ago) Permalink

Ive never missed a plane in my life, I'm always meticilously early to airports, so I am really mad at myself.

Pureed Moods (Trayce), Friday, 8 June 2012 10:35 (five years ago) Permalink

far out :(

that's not kewell (Autumn Almanac), Friday, 8 June 2012 11:02 (five years ago) Permalink

Put an electric kettle on the hob over christmas. Haven't had a hob kettle for about 5 years.

owenf, Friday, 8 June 2012 11:24 (five years ago) Permalink

has anyone else ever...forgotten to put their shoes on when leaving the house?

couple of years ago i was actually on the tube, one stop away from my house, when i realised i was still wearing my slippers. never felt so self-conscious as when i had to go back and shuffle home to put my shoes on :(

kanye kardashian (lex pretend), Friday, 8 June 2012 13:09 (five years ago) Permalink

It turns out that this recipe doesn't call for me to chop a pepper and then put that in the bin.

Andrew Farrell, Sunday, 29 October 2017 22:09 (three months ago) Permalink

I ruined some chopped onions, ready for the pan the other day. By sprinkling loads of nutmeg over them instead of cumin. And also i keep injuring my fingertips when I'm cooking, by clumsily thrusting them into sharp objects. It is hard to explain, but i think I'm positively "not reet" tbh.

calzino, Sunday, 29 October 2017 22:20 (three months ago) Permalink

I've mistaken the candle holder for a vinegar jar

I don't understand how this happens

El Tomboto, Sunday, 29 October 2017 22:23 (three months ago) Permalink

It was a glass jar holding tea lights or something. It looked *very* like a jar of colourless white vinegar but my clue should've been that the lid had a wick in it.

Chuck_Tatum, Sunday, 29 October 2017 22:27 (three months ago) Permalink

that is very helpful, thank you.

El Tomboto, Sunday, 29 October 2017 22:34 (three months ago) Permalink

candles should look like candles imo

sorry bout yr chips :(

Squeaky Fromage (VegemiteGrrl), Sunday, 29 October 2017 22:35 (three months ago) Permalink

I'm also sorry but I'm also laughing

niels, Monday, 30 October 2017 08:58 (three months ago) Permalink

I posted the other day about a baseball book I'd just bought (and paid too much for):

Baseball Books

Get home tonight, and there's a book in the mailbox. I buy one or two books online a month--I sometimes don't remember what's sitting there till I open the envelope. When I got in the house and was just about to open it, it hit me all of a sudden what it was: I'd ordered the same book from AbeBooks a couple of weeks ago.

Absent-mindedness: funny, till it starts costing you money.

clemenza, Wednesday, 1 November 2017 23:11 (three months ago) Permalink

I have not ended up with two copies of a book unintentionally, for a while

I have not remembered that a glass of water was nearby and spilled over a book, leaving me with my guilty wrinkled copy I gifted and then rebought a copy for my hoarder library

mh, Thursday, 2 November 2017 01:34 (three months ago) Permalink

During a rather prominent poetry reading over the weekend, it was only until after I did my part and got off stage, when someone - granted: politely - pointed me to the fact that the labels of my new shirt had been hanging out. Price tag dangling from the neck, label on the button on the sleeve (wtf) and a store label hanging out. Why do shirts needs so many labels anyway?! I'd bought the shirt the week before but didn't even notice the labels when putting it on yesterday morning because... of course I didn't. Sad lol.

Le Bateau Ivre, Sunday, 5 November 2017 23:22 (three months ago) Permalink

I bought ice cream for the first time in a while yesterday. I’ve already put it into the fridge instead of the freezer twice already.

mh, Sunday, 5 November 2017 23:35 (three months ago) Permalink

LBI, I think you can somehow chalk that up to um, poetic license in fashion

mh, Sunday, 5 November 2017 23:36 (three months ago) Permalink

oh yeah, I also showed up to work this week only to find a pair of underwear stuck in the leg of my pants, again

mh, Sunday, 5 November 2017 23:36 (three months ago) Permalink

I wouldn't fall for it, but nevertheless you might have a point there. "Oh artsy poetry person forgets his labels nbd". But that's not meeee.... Though maybe it is, after yesterday's drama forgetting to take out the labels, idk.

xp omg haha, i've been there

Le Bateau Ivre, Sunday, 5 November 2017 23:38 (three months ago) Permalink

Discovered that I had written sandwich things on a grocery list this weekend. I couldn't make any sense of it. I didn't remember wanting a sandwich or receiving a sandwich request from anyone else. But it was there on the list, so I piled a variety of vegetables, cheeses, and bread into my cart. After I got home and unpacked, I realized that I had meant sandwich-sized food storage containers.

how's life, Monday, 6 November 2017 14:36 (three months ago) Permalink

Sandwicher Things

pplains, Monday, 6 November 2017 14:45 (three months ago) Permalink

today’s a lovely warm day, so i caught 2.5 hrs of public transport and walked 3 hrs into this lovely lovely forest, and have only just realised i left a packet of sausages on the kitchen floor

rove mcmanus island (Autumn Almanac), Saturday, 11 November 2017 01:54 (three months ago) Permalink

lol that story did not end the way I expected it to

Squeaky Fromage (VegemiteGrrl), Saturday, 11 November 2017 04:31 (three months ago) Permalink

sausage crisis averted

rove mcmanus island (Autumn Almanac), Saturday, 11 November 2017 09:48 (three months ago) Permalink

Every morning I make myself an iced coffee. Set some water up to boil, add grounds to the french press, and fill a travel mug with ice. Just poured the boiling water into the cup full of ice instead of the french press.

how's life, Saturday, 11 November 2017 11:33 (three months ago) Permalink

one month passes...

I don't know where to post this so I'm going to post this here, despite it being the opposite of what this thread is about. Normally at the beginning of January I'm continually writing the previous year on dates. Haven't done it once so far. But maybe that's because I'm thinking "ffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck it's 2018".

2018 has to be better (snoball), Tuesday, 2 January 2018 18:34 (one month ago) Permalink

My home bathroom has one of those slow-descending toilet seats, so you can put the toilet seat down without it slamming and making a loud noise.

Alternatively you can:

1. Do your business then flush the toilet
2. Put the toilet seat down
3. Bend over to pick a pound coin off the floor
4. Get punched in the face by your own toilet seat

Chuck_Tatum, Tuesday, 9 January 2018 23:01 (one month ago) Permalink

lol oh no

Squeaky Fromage (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, 9 January 2018 23:07 (one month ago) Permalink

man that is rough

pee-wee and the power men (bizarro gazzara), Tuesday, 9 January 2018 23:08 (one month ago) Permalink

I had the opposite, or something, of absent mindedness today when I spent the entire day planning for my wife being away in England this weekend. I'm able to play a Sunday game I usually skip, I've a few pints set up on Saturday and am meeting a fella for brunch. All sociable don't spend the weekend mooching in the apt stuff.

My wife isn't away in England this weekend. She isn't away in England any weekend coming up. She has no plans to visit England again that are concrete or have been discussed.

I have no idea whether I dreamt it or have been incepted. I'm still keeping all the plans tho as I've no idea how to explain it. And pints and a match obv.

remember the lmao (darraghmac), Wednesday, 10 January 2018 00:14 (one month ago) Permalink

I that worrisome? Now I write it down.

remember the lmao (darraghmac), Wednesday, 10 January 2018 00:15 (one month ago) Permalink

I'm not even writing 2017 on anything.

I'm going into my hard drive to look for a file from last September, pulling up a folder and going "What is this shit?" before realizing, Oh yes. Last September was in the year 2017, not 2016.

pplains, Wednesday, 10 January 2018 00:55 (one month ago) Permalink

At least it wasn't a penny.

nickn, Wednesday, 10 January 2018 00:56 (one month ago) Permalink

Also, my manager has this enewsletter he sends out each morning to our subscribers. Last week, he tells me he's going out of town, could I do it. So I get up pre-dawn, work this stupid thing up in a text file so I can put it all into our CMS template when I'm done.

I get into the CMS and he's already left an item about the BCS game last night. Oh that's fine, happy he could help, I forgot the video capsules anyway. I start adding my content, click preview, looks good, go back to the template AND IT'S ALL GONE.

And changed. Manager's added like four more stories over mine. I message him and go WHAT ARE YOU DOING and he says, dude, I'm not going out of town until Thursday. What's wrong with you?

Oh, man. I stood on a corner this morning just hoping that email would say "Tuesday", but no, it said Thursday. Twice.

pplains, Wednesday, 10 January 2018 01:00 (one month ago) Permalink

Yeah I mean year changes look it's january.but ain't no reason not to know what Tuesday is (or what country your wife is in)

remember the lmao (darraghmac), Wednesday, 10 January 2018 01:11 (one month ago) Permalink

3. Bend over to pick a pound coin off the floor
4. Get punched in the face by your own toilet seat

genuinely sorry it happened to you, but in my head this is just incredible

rove mcmanus island (Autumn Almanac), Wednesday, 10 January 2018 01:46 (one month ago) Permalink

Yeah my klutziness is getting baroque in my old age. A few months ago at work, just before a big meeting, I managed to pour a cup of coffee over my head, and I was like "how is they even possible???" (Answer: Don't try to take something down from a high shelf and forget you're holding a cup of coffee.)

Chuck_Tatum, Wednesday, 10 January 2018 07:46 (one month ago) Permalink

I cant begin to tell you the amount of times Ive injured myself in similar bizarre ways. My bf is convinced I am going to die from a papercut, stair mishap or drinking glass malfunction.

For example right now my right ankle is swollen up and bruised and *I dont know why*. I think it happened on NYE or a few days after at a mates house but I have no recall of hitting me ankle - but then again, I am constantly tripping over/whacking wrists/ankles/cutting fingers open etc.

Stoop Crone (Trayce), Wednesday, 10 January 2018 07:49 (one month ago) Permalink

My right ankle is totally the same this morning! And similarly no idea. It must be an epidemic for which we're totally blameless.

Chuck_Tatum, Wednesday, 10 January 2018 09:42 (one month ago) Permalink

going to try to concentrate on mindfulness in the near term because my body's autopilot system is even worse than the self-driving car technology

mh, Wednesday, 10 January 2018 15:36 (one month ago) Permalink

three weeks pass...

Just now bought a beverage and signed the receipt with my right hand. I'm left-handed. I was like "WHY IS IT SO HARD TO WRITE!?"

Walked out of there thinking maybe I'm having a stroke. Then realized I signed it with the wrong hand.

SA, Friday, 2 February 2018 15:45 (three weeks ago) Permalink

I did exactly this last month

mh, Friday, 2 February 2018 16:03 (three weeks ago) Permalink

our office printer requires you to wave your staff id card over it to start your print job running

90% of the time i will try to use my subway card instead

about 40% of the time i will try to get on the subway using my staff id

i am an idiot

your skeleton is ready to hatch (bizarro gazzara), Friday, 2 February 2018 16:07 (three weeks ago) Permalink

i also regularly try to get into my house using my office key, and the office using my home key

your skeleton is ready to hatch (bizarro gazzara), Friday, 2 February 2018 16:08 (three weeks ago) Permalink

our office printer requires you to wave your staff id card over it to start your print job running

90% of the time i will try to use my subway card instead

someone at my work reported that their staff ID card didn't get them into a particular area... but their Nectar rewards card did

(I have no idea how or if this is possible but I like the story)

a passing spacecadet, Friday, 2 February 2018 18:12 (three weeks ago) Permalink

I'm choosing to believe it

mh, Friday, 2 February 2018 18:17 (three weeks ago) Permalink

Switch kettle on. Get teabag. Open cupboard, put teabag in mug. Do not pick up mug. Close cupboard. Kettle boils. Wonder where mug with teabag is.

lana del boy (ledge), Wednesday, 7 February 2018 11:33 (two weeks ago) Permalink

This morning, I Siri-ed “where is my phone” into my phone.

rb (soda), Wednesday, 7 February 2018 11:53 (two weeks ago) Permalink

^ a friend had a mini version of this thread on Facebook, starting from the classic "where did I put down my glasses?" while still wearing them, including someone who searched the flat for her glasses while holding them in her right hand.

One of my favourites:
*puts earphones in ears*
*plugs earphones into phone*
*puts phone back in pocket and walks down street listening to silence*
and ending with 'I've once or twice before told someone down my phone, while searching myself and bag for my phone, "oh fuck, I can't find my phone"'

Andrew Farrell, Wednesday, 7 February 2018 13:20 (two weeks ago) Permalink

My current version of this is:

1. Hmm, I wonder what's happening on Facebook, I haven't looked for a while
2. Opens Facebook
3. Nothing's happening
4. Closed Facebook
5. Immediately returns to Step 1

Chuck_Tatum, Wednesday, 7 February 2018 13:44 (two weeks ago) Permalink

(same but for ILX)

Andrew Farrell, Wednesday, 7 February 2018 13:50 (two weeks ago) Permalink


1. Ugh, Twitter.
2. Double-tap home key. Slide Twitter app away.
3. Immediately open another application, in this case Twitter.

pplains, Wednesday, 7 February 2018 14:37 (two weeks ago) Permalink

oh yeah, facebook and twitter are completely made for that

I've done both the "make coffee, but don't add coffee to the maker" and "make coffee using aeropress, but forget to heat water" lately

mh, Wednesday, 7 February 2018 15:44 (two weeks ago) Permalink

I puroed all these coffee beans into cofe grounds can instead of grinder adn hwo do IO get beans out of grounds now

Dean of the University (Latham Green), Wednesday, 7 February 2018 15:51 (two weeks ago) Permalink

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