12. That nobody gets away with smoking, drinking, doing drugs, or not flossing for very long.
6. A past juicy enough that you’re looking forward to retelling it in your old age.
These two kinda contradict each other, I think.
― Christine Green Leafy Dragon Indigo, Thursday, 26 April 2012 21:46 (eleven years ago) link
I have some really juicy flossing stories!
Umbrellas are one of those things i think of purely as a functional item, not a fashion accessory. My thought process is basically (a) i need to walk outdoors, (b) it's raining, (c) i don't want to get drenched, so (d) i grab whatever umbrella i find first so i'll stay dry. When buying an umbrella, I just look for one that folds up really small, is lightweight but strong, and not too expensive. I almost always get the black ones, since they never look out of place.
― Lee626, Thursday, 26 April 2012 21:58 (eleven years ago) link
I get why this list might make ppl angry but I also feel like, since my teens, I knew the magazine/fashion industry was craven and corrupt, not to take it all too seriously. Yeah, it's shitty to buy into the shit they're peddling but at the very least I refuse to even dignify it with comment.
― L'ennui, cette maladie de tous les (Michael White), Thursday, 26 April 2012 22:00 (eleven years ago) link
Could someone post the male equivalent of this list so I can see which 30 things I am most assuredly failing at?
― Dr. Buzzard's® Original Banana Bread (Deric W. Haircare), Thursday, 26 April 2012 22:08 (eleven years ago) link
i think it's okay to still point out that shitty things are shitty esp when they're from 1997 and being reposted without irony on huffington post in 2012
― obliquity of the ecliptic (rrrobyn), Thursday, 26 April 2012 22:09 (eleven years ago) link
it's also okay to make jokes about them bc laughing is fun
― Kiarostami bag (milo z), Thursday, 26 April 2012 22:10 (eleven years ago) link
since a month or so ago, when my mother said to me 'you're going to be 30 next year!' (which i am but i am 28 right now, okay) i have been feeling a lot of oh-god-i'm-nearly-30 type pressure. oh god i'm nearly 30 and i haven't got my shit together, oh god i'm nearly 30 and i have unreasonable expectations about how chill it's going to be to be a thirtysomething, oh god i'm nearly 30 and i haven't made enough bad choices in my 20s to pass muster as someone who's successfully 'done' their 20s, all of it.
and so even though i am not a women's mag kind of woman this sort of thing can catch me pretty hard - not the contents of the list itself, but the idea that there is a list, and i should be getting on top of it.
― c sharp major, Thursday, 26 April 2012 22:30 (eleven years ago) link
oh my days b_g that kitten umbrella!!!
― c sharp major, Thursday, 26 April 2012 22:31 (eleven years ago) link
confession: I bought the official umbrella that was used in rihanna's music video
― dayo, Thursday, 26 April 2012 22:35 (eleven years ago) link
clear umbrellas are the best, so much fun to stand under one during a downpour
― Kiarostami bag (milo z), Thursday, 26 April 2012 22:38 (eleven years ago) link
Anyone remember the umbrella fetishist that posted here a few years back?
― Christine Green Leafy Dragon Indigo, Thursday, 26 April 2012 22:41 (eleven years ago) link
oh god i'm nearly 30 and i haven't got my shit together
I didn't start feeling like this until I was about 38 or 39.
― Christine Green Leafy Dragon Indigo, Thursday, 26 April 2012 22:42 (eleven years ago) link
I have had so many umbrellas die on me in my life that I could never imagine getting a nice one
― iatee, Thursday, 26 April 2012 22:43 (eleven years ago) link
the key thing is not to care about traditional measures of getting ones shit together
― Rachel Profiling (jjjusten), Thursday, 26 April 2012 22:45 (eleven years ago) link
Getting your shit together is a temporary achievement...Everything falls part in the end.
― Bob Six, Thursday, 26 April 2012 22:46 (eleven years ago) link
― iatee, Thursday, April 26, 2012 6:43 PM (4 minutes ago) Bookmark
heh I've always wondered why every single store in NYC carries the same generic black umbrella
― dayo, Thursday, 26 April 2012 22:49 (eleven years ago) link
somebody should do a study about it, like that one about the greek coffee cups
If anything, my shit has become ever-more-disparate in the five years since my thirtieth.
― Dr. Buzzard's® Original Banana Bread (Deric W. Haircare), Thursday, 26 April 2012 22:50 (eleven years ago) link
Probably something I should talk to a proctologist about.
― Dr. Buzzard's® Original Banana Bread (Deric W. Haircare), Thursday, 26 April 2012 22:51 (eleven years ago) link
i used to have this fucking awesome paul frank umbrella that, one of the big transparent ones, made of blue plastic, with some kind of monkey-based design. i was going to japan for a term and so i took it with, thinking, it's going to be the rainy season and i'll have a cute umbrella that will be different from the cute umbrellas everyone else has, it'll be awesome. and then it turned out that in japan, or at least in the town and university where i was, everyone had plain umbrellas, the transparent ones you could get in the convenience store or collapsible ones from muji. but cute character umbrellas were just... not done. so not cool.
― c sharp major, Thursday, 26 April 2012 22:51 (eleven years ago) link
These let-make-everyone-feel-inadequate lists not unique to women's mags btw - the likes of Esquire and even Popular Mechanics frequently publish, say, "25 Things Every Man Needs to Know" (#1 on Esquire's list: skinning a moose. Yeah, i really need to know how to do that), or "31 Things Every Man Should Own" ("Road Atlas - the man who only uses a GPS is half a man"). Here's ''75 Skills Every Man Should Master'' (#25: "Drive an eightpenny nail into a treated two-by-four without thinking about it"). And act your age: "Things a Man Should Never Do After the Age of 30" - (#27: "Break up with a girlfriend by e-mail").
Actually, you shouln't do that after the age of 14 ....
― Lee626, Thursday, 26 April 2012 23:04 (eleven years ago) link
let- = let's-
― Lee626, Thursday, 26 April 2012 23:06 (eleven years ago) link
why would you want to go *back to* an ex b/f if he 'reminded you how far you've come'. what horseshit.
i mean lad's mags are no better obv but .. gimme a break
― piscesx, Thursday, 26 April 2012 23:09 (eleven years ago) link
Much as I agree that this list is horseshit, I think you're misreading that one. It means two separate exes. One who you could imagine going back to. And another one who reminds you how far you've come.
― emil.y, Thursday, 26 April 2012 23:10 (eleven years ago) link
Not sure if anyone's already said so but this list is as OLD AS THE HILLS, I have seen it appear and re appear in Cosmo, newspapers, Facebook posts and so on for a long time.
And it still blows.
― fix it with like some music glue (Trayce), Thursday, 26 April 2012 23:36 (eleven years ago) link
this list is as OLD AS THE HILLS, I have seen it appear and re appear
Welp, AOL bought HuffPo for ~$365 million to provide it with more content.
― Aimless, Friday, 27 April 2012 01:26 (eleven years ago) link
30 lists every IPO buyout should publish on its website before 30 days
― fix it with like some music glue (Trayce), Friday, 27 April 2012 01:32 (eleven years ago) link
Yeah trayce I said it earlier. I have seen this list many many times. Didn't realize it at first but was then like hang on a sec!
― wolf kabob (ENBB), Friday, 27 April 2012 01:38 (eleven years ago) link
Ah sorry! I skimmed the thread before I posted that :(
― fix it with like some music glue (Trayce), Friday, 27 April 2012 01:42 (eleven years ago) link
omg this is my favourite thing about this thread by far!!!
― obliquity of the ecliptic (rrrobyn), Friday, 27 April 2012 04:09 (eleven years ago) link
also everyone who isn't 30 yet, don't worry about being 30!!! worry more about not being an asshole in life!!!
― obliquity of the ecliptic (rrrobyn), Friday, 27 April 2012 04:10 (eleven years ago) link
otm
― pizza pizza and cult jam (crüt), Friday, 27 April 2012 04:10 (eleven years ago) link
Worry about letting things you want to do slide without DOING THEM, you will regret it I say!!! DOnt think "I can do that later/when I have more money/when I have time". Carpe the damn diem.
― fix it with like some music glue (Trayce), Friday, 27 April 2012 04:38 (eleven years ago) link
I've done most of the man things, but I have never thrown a punch ;_;
― Meanwhile, on some cars... (Austerity Ponies), Friday, 27 April 2012 14:21 (eleven years ago) link
I threw a punch! Since I'm a woman and don't need to have done that, you can have mine.
It was a friend of my husband's at a NYE party. He lives out of Canada and always treats me like a toy when he comes home to visit? I had enough of him swatting at me for a reason I can't recall, so I punched him. He got all bent out of shape about it even though he'd pawed at me 30+ times over the course of the evening!
― she started dancing to that (Finefinemusic), Friday, 27 April 2012 14:26 (eleven years ago) link
anyone posting here who poo-poos the Esquire list should re-read #6 and feel slightly ashamed
― I'M THAT POSTA, AAAAAAAAAH (DJP), Friday, 27 April 2012 14:28 (eleven years ago) link
list weak like clock radio speakers
― pandemic, Friday, 27 April 2012 14:39 (eleven years ago) link
the kiss thing only gets to me because it seems to imply that you shouldn't *have* to use your words, and that verbally expressing your desire (or lack thereof) needn't occur because -- uh, women need to be wily masters of non-verbal communication? by the time they're 30? idk, it just feel like it's the male-active vs female-passive thing again. women as subtle manipulators, men as sexual agents.
― zubaz fupa (elmo argonaut), Friday, 27 April 2012 14:40 (eleven years ago) link
men as sexual agents
this is the best job interview ever btw
― I'M THAT POSTA, AAAAAAAAAH (DJP), Friday, 27 April 2012 14:41 (eleven years ago) link
god forbid you want sex enough to actually say it. xp
lol dan
― zubaz fupa (elmo argonaut), Friday, 27 April 2012 14:41 (eleven years ago) link
from the man no do >30 list:
41. Use Internet acronyms, especially ROFL and LOL.
― Meanwhile, on some cars... (Austerity Ponies), Friday, 27 April 2012 14:44 (eleven years ago) link
― NSFW Australia (seandalai), Friday, 27 April 2012 14:51 (eleven years ago) link
i used to subscribe to esquire in college. i must've been insecure about my masculinity (i was). it is truly one of the worst magazines.
― Mordy, Friday, 27 April 2012 15:13 (eleven years ago) link
That's OK, nobody buys it after they are 30.
― Mark G, Friday, 27 April 2012 15:17 (eleven years ago) link
hahaha
― Meanwhile, on some cars... (Austerity Ponies), Friday, 27 April 2012 15:18 (eleven years ago) link
The only "lifestyle" magazine I ever had a subscription to was Men's Fitness, and that was solely for the workouts; once their editorial tone started shifting more towards "and here's how you should LIVE, brah" I canceled it (and then got fat, lol *sob*)
― I'M THAT POSTA, AAAAAAAAAH (DJP), Friday, 27 April 2012 15:22 (eleven years ago) link
I decided never to buy magazines like that after an incident when I was 17 and a guy in my class had a copy of GQ and was like "Yeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaah this is how to be a man, snoball, betcha don't know anything about that, eh? Eh? Eh? Eh? Eh-eh-eh-eh-eh?!", all the while waving it in my face, and I realised that he was just a colossal twunt and the magazine may have only been partly responsible for that, but responsible enough for me to avoid that kind of thing.
― ILX uh-huh-uh uh-huh uh-huh BEEP BOOP BOOP BEEP (snoball), Friday, 27 April 2012 15:29 (eleven years ago) link
Waving the magazine in my face, I should say.
this is gonna sound obvious but all these kinds of magazines tap into real concerns ppl have about who they are and how to perform gender roles in society. i'm speaking about men's magazines bc that's my personal experience, but i imagine there are similar dynamics at play in women's magazines. rather than try to open up the discourse about what it means to a man in 2012 and some of the many possible/legitimate ways to perform maleness, magazines like esquire tap into this fantasy half-cribbed from 1950s aesthetic-fetishism and half from fratboy prolonged adolescence and then sell them to ppl as the only real standard of maleness. even when the lesson is coming from the right place (cf 'treat women with respect'), it is still backed by this reactionary incoherence ('bc a strong man needs to take care of a weak woman'). i'm not surprised young ppl have latched onto 'this is how to be a man, snoball,' bc that's what is explicitly being sold and there is not enough to counter it. see also: men's movements blah, this man's blog teaches you how to live, grantland (lulz), etc.
― Mordy, Friday, 27 April 2012 15:38 (eleven years ago) link