❀ the cult of: ➥motivational speakers ➥life coaches ➥personal growth gurus ➥new-age charlatans ➥AWESOMENESS FEST

profits all the way down

you need to get 11 servings of profits daily but earth should only be enjoyed sparingly

oh hahahaha fuck me so i get to work this morning and i'm told that we have members of the alex & ani design team visiting the office today oh lord

please report back afterward please please

the one that gets me: "When I first met Alex and Ani’s CEO, Giovanni Feroce, I was struck by his clear intention to bring a new standard industrialization code (or SIC) to Alex and Ani products. Feroce wanted a new SIC labeled “positivity energy.” Not only does he seek reclamation of American manufacturing, but he also considers this “mission” a requirement amidst the climate of economic uncertainty for most human beings today."

― Milton Parker, Tuesday, January 22, 2013 4:19 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

i can't even parse that sentence. i need a diagram.

― fueled by satanism, violence, and sodomy (elmo argonaut), Tuesday, January 22, 2013 4:37 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

have fun guys!

http://www.osha.gov/pls/imis/sicsearch.html
http://www.sec.gov/info/edgar/siccodes.htm

interestingly, OSHA and the SEC have slight variations in their SIC lists. pretty funny, huh. government, amirite?

giovanni feroce otm tho, neither authority lists "positive energy" as an industry classification.

that is amazing hilarious and makes absolutely no sense

unless alex & ani headquarters is actually a giant orgone accumulator

If so, I'm heading on over

http://leoniedawson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/Business-Goddess-Header-600x424.jpg

http://leoniedawson.com/shop/courses/business-goddess-e-course/

“I DOUBLED MY INCOME, TRIPLED MY MAILING LIST + QUIT MY JOB IN 6 WEEKS!”

I knew that my sacred crystal biz wanted to grow. I wanted to leave my teaching position and step out of the matrix & into the world of contributing, creating & running my sacred crystal biz FULL TIME. I knew I needed a biz coach but I didn’t resonate with most of run of the mill boring ole’ entrepreneur coaches out there. I knew it had to be someone who was spiritual & “GOT” me, my sacred crystal biz & what I’m trying to bring to the world. And then *poof*, there you were!! Of course. I knew then, I didn’t need a biz coach, I needed a LEONIE!

What an incredible knowledge base you have. You turned the lights on, gave me actionable items & concrete steps to take that quickly changed the game for me and allowed me to make my BIG beautiful dream a reality in just two months!!

The video shows a very unfortunate still shot:

http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8088/8427140714_9ffb58af31_b.jpg

Then I tried to work out how I could do it by selling my art. The numbers didn’t add up. I had no idea how it was even possible.

Then I remembered bullshit business marketing schemes and now I'm rich! RICH! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA FUCK YOU SUCKERS

I find her schtick particularly repellent because I know a lot of crystal-gripping hippies who are sweet people but really gullible about anything presented with certain keywords like "goddess" and "soul" and "create" and "spiritual" and I can just feel the frustration as I try to explain to these people that they are wasting their money on nonsense.

I DOUBLED MY INCOME, TRIPLED MY MAILING LIST + QUIT MY JOB IN 6 WEEKS!

can we just say that these claims are pretty unimpressive if you assume a low starting income, as one should for a sacred crystal biz

it's hard to find good value in spiritual ventures

not to mention low starting mailing list

quit hippiesplaining

xp

I wanted to leave my teaching position and step out of the matrix...

people using the matrix as a frame of reference is a huge huge pet peeve of mine. that and fight club.

haha "i wanted to step out of the matrix... and into a pyramid-scheme affiliate marketing program!"

I'm with the Joe Pantoliano character in this scenario.

http://i8.photobucket.com/albums/a6/Sprad/Mindvalley_Earth_zps8ff0e84f.pnghttp://www.readthespirit.com/storage/0119%20Capitalist%20Pyramid%20from%201911%20poster.jpg

next two things that are squares

I knew that my sacred crystal biz wanted to grow. I wanted to leave my teaching position and step out of the matrix & into the world of contributing, creating & running my sacred crystal biz FULL TIME. I knew I needed a biz coach but I didn’t resonate with most of run of the mill boring ole’ entrepreneur coaches out there. I knew it had to be someone who was spiritual & “GOT” me, my sacred crystal biz & what I’m trying to bring to the world. And then *poof*, there you were!! Of course. I knew then, I didn’t need a biz coach, I needed a LEONIE!

i mean, it really bears repeating

I’d do stuff like Hug 200 People In A Day, and give massages and angel readings to people who needed them.

slightly off-topic but

http://www.youtube.com/user/MarkusRothkranz

dude

the "full force" video

i'm saying!

idk if i want him to be a ben stiller character or a tom cruise character

I am having the same struggle, goole

Which has brought me to substituting tom cruise for every ben stiller role and sketch, and it kind of works.

my world is realigning

someone i know, a guy who was always a genius or thereabouts and also crazy or thereabouts, finished his phd last summer (writing the entire thing in something like six weeks) and then as far as i can tell p much disappeared. he's now reappeared as some kind of cosmic guru. he has multiple followers and everything. not entirely sure what to make of this.

no website no credibility.

yes i would like to know more

oh right i'll never convert you this way

youtube.com/watch?v=gpx_ht7Moqo

but shhh. i'm not sure that it's much more than standard new age stuff with a bit of cybernetics and information theory thrown in, he should be able to do better imo. though the rest of the people in the druggy pseudo-initiation ceremony i found myself part of seemed pretty into it.

he seems to get rolling at around the 11 minute mark.

did he always have the beard or did he grow that for the guru act?

what was his phd in?

philosophy. p hardcore german idealist stuff.

he actually doesn't have the beard any more, but his hair is longer and loosely ponytailed for that classic guru look. back when i first knew him both head and face were clean shaven.

dude just needs to learn about SEO and he's set

terrifying Alex & Ani University billboard now looking out on the 80, peering over all incoming traffic to San Francisco

creeeeeeeping into the mainstream

squished video aspect ratio makes the hand motions seem more significant

haha my dad is consulting for alex & ani now, i told him WATCH OUT

since we talked about lululemon here:

http://www.reuters.com/article/2013/03/19/us-lululemon-taiwan-idUSBRE92I0MA20130319

hilarious PA here or just business-journo ignorance?

Late on Monday, Lululemon said it was pulling from its store shelves about 17 percent of the women's black pants made with its signature stretchy "Luon" fabric because the products fell short of technical specifications.

It warned that the recall of the see-through pants would have a significant impact on financial results.

The episode, the second quality issue disclosed in less than a year, could undermine Lululemon's reputation, said analysts who noted that competition from lower-priced brands is heating up.

i mean, a psycho murder between employees and secret creepo messages on your bags aren't enough to do damage if you're showing growth i guess

I think there is something a little admirable about people that think they are so enlightened that they want to go out and teach the world. At least they are actually getting out of the house, meeting new people, trying to start a business, etc. Most guru-types I've known simply wallow in drug addiction, sleep until 5pm, and end up late-night preaching the same vague regurgitated self-aggrandizing shroom trip realizations over and over to the same group of people. At least self help teachers and even straight up con men are actually making an effort to crawl out of their own egos.