Real England

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where is it and what does it look like

Nigel Farage is a fucking hero (nakhchivan), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:12 (seven years ago) link

Raymond Williams says somewhere that most people who live in it live in quite small towns, but there is next to no significant literature about same.

Of course he was writing before Midsomer Murders aired.

http://i1.trekearth.com/photos/64476/dscf1947scrsfr.jpg

^^^wiltshire apparently (i'm not sure i know where wiltshire actually is) < /the lex >

mark s, Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:16 (seven years ago) link

i don't know how the demographics break down now but i wd say that a significant majority at least want to live in quite small towns. also i suspect quite small towns are increasingly really dissipated cities.

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:19 (seven years ago) link

Anyone bothered with Paul Kingsnorth's book on this very subject?

Lars and the Lulu Girl (NickB), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:21 (seven years ago) link

but y'knaa this whole problematic word "Real" - is this intended sarcastically, like is this thread about "what are the sort of people who use the phrase 'Real England' talking about?" or are we positing a defining core of Englishness that has history and still survives however tenuous?

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:21 (seven years ago) link

i think it would be facetious to pretend the issue can be approached entirely unfacetiously

Nigel Farage is a fucking hero (nakhchivan), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:22 (seven years ago) link

i was not aware of paul kingsnorth but now i see he has written a book called real england colon something else, i would guess it isn't the only book/treatise/pamphlet with similar title

Nigel Farage is a fucking hero (nakhchivan), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:23 (seven years ago) link

work filter has thoughtfully blocked access to my first google search result, some blog with the delightfully making-me-want-to-stab-the-author subtitle "The Battle Against the Bland". i assure you guys if there is a Real England it is not battling against The Bland and that is an excellent virtue in itself.

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:24 (seven years ago) link

oh right, that is the subtitle of Kingsnorth's book. okay then i will probably never read it since i infer from the book's post-colonage that the guy is a big douche.

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:24 (seven years ago) link

the usual English attention to the wrong details

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:25 (seven years ago) link

and some sadness for stuff passing that has not passed or was not what he claims it was before it passed

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:26 (seven years ago) link

is john terry 'real england' dyou suppose

blind pele (darraghmac), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:27 (seven years ago) link

i infer from the book's post-colonage that the guy is a big douche.

― Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:24 (1 minute ago)

h but f, nv, h but f

basically i was looking at the squad list for peterbrough town and noticed ryan tunnicliffe and lee frecklington and thought maybe those names were shibboleths that uttered in a certain way might usher you into the innermost real england

Nigel Farage is a fucking hero (nakhchivan), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:27 (seven years ago) link

http://i.telegraph.co.uk/multimedia/archive/01185/arts-graphics-2008_1185572a.jpg

the city hobgoblin as a good place to start! (of course he said british not english, right, re the wrong detail)

mark s, Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:35 (seven years ago) link

"... heir to an immense fortune, gifted by nature with a mind susceptible of noble cultivation, and a body endowed with admirable physical powers with the wretched drunkard who died in a gaol at the age of thirty-eight, a worn-out debauchee and drivelling sot... " <-- i am this very second ensconced in the village that surnamed this regency rake, tho he mainly lived on the other side of shrewsbury

mark s, Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:41 (seven years ago) link

nigel farage isn't real btw, he speaks for only his own constituency, which is seldom more than symbolic

is there a real england that is incapable of any sort of assimilation into colonned literature? a planar england that resists signification or commodification by interlopers from other englands

Nigel Farage is a fucking hero (nakhchivan), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:43 (seven years ago) link

south dublin iirc

blind pele (darraghmac), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:44 (seven years ago) link

leatherhead is a promotory over a large and brackish inland sea that is never spoken of

mark s, Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:45 (seven years ago) link

beneath the leylines, the true underground

mark s, Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:46 (seven years ago) link

"Winter, 1981: the headless, skinned bodies of two bears are found by the River Lea."

mark s, Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:51 (seven years ago) link

real england is all mates and and blood sausage and big bottomed birds reading thew newsie-wewsies

max, Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:57 (seven years ago) link

nah it's hedgerows and birds and complete lack of public services

blind pele (darraghmac), Thursday, 3 November 2011 14:08 (seven years ago) link

Oh it's all about the public services nowadays; a bus to take you into town so you can spend all night trawling the happy hour bars, a streetcleaner to mop up your vomit from the pavement, a policeman to give you a place to spend the night. No-one needed public services when an evening's entertainment consisted of watching the sun set over a russet autumnal hedgerow, lulled into a reverie by the carefree birdsong.

ceci n'est pas un nom d'affichage (ledge), Thursday, 3 November 2011 14:17 (seven years ago) link

http://www.photohistory-sussex.co.uk/UckFrisbyPiltdown03.jpg

mark s, Thursday, 3 November 2011 14:19 (seven years ago) link

"Searching for the Putdown Man"

ceci n'est pas un nom d'affichage (ledge), Thursday, 3 November 2011 14:21 (seven years ago) link

is there a real england that is incapable of any sort of assimilation into colonned literature? a planar england that resists signification or commodification by interlopers from other englands

Interesting question which I wish I could answer.

Ned Trifle X, Thursday, 3 November 2011 14:29 (seven years ago) link

I don't know if I would like that England even.

Ned Trifle X, Thursday, 3 November 2011 14:29 (seven years ago) link

is there a culture that can't be commodified? and i have to be v. v. careful not to paint my cultures, or the cultures i've drifted along the fringes of, as the only real England. the problem is that the word is usually only spoken out loud by a certain kind of cultural capitalist, whose vision of it is just as tangential as mine. bullshit about fair play and honest toil and love of the land that i'd counter with a nation of sneak thiefs, factionalists and urban wastrels. the contestedness is always part of the Reality of the nation, any nation really.

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:39 (seven years ago) link

for every sleepy Sunday C of E-attending agnostic Tory there's an apocalypse-welcoming hair-splitting anabaptist

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:41 (seven years ago) link

Everywhere north of Enfield is basically a wasteland isn't it? Brrrr... Nothing there. Just a man collecting lumps of mud and putting them into a cloth bag.

Glo-Vember (dog latin), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:42 (seven years ago) link

yeah but the determination of that which is essential need not be a question of mere majorities

blind pele (darraghmac), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:43 (seven years ago) link

everybody shd read The Uses of Literacy to see how you can constructively get this wrong in a way that doesn't just mourn real heritage centres. obv Williams and E.P. Thompson and Stuart Hall too

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:43 (seven years ago) link

the determination of that which is essential need not be a question of mere majorities

quite so, how about the British Isles then as a dumping ground/refugee camp/Wild West for Europe and parts south-east, over millenia, fuelling endless negotiation and conflict over territory, and that is the quicksand underneath Real England that we think of as bedrock?

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:46 (seven years ago) link

look mate there's no need to get fucking personal, alright

blind pele (darraghmac), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:49 (seven years ago) link

btw if i was gonna put forward one Real England it wd be old photographs of works sports teams or outings or other ceremonial jollies

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:49 (seven years ago) link

it would be the commie permawheezing mustachioed drunk one in tinker tailor, tho no doubt they'd have you b'leev it's smiley or haydon

blind pele (darraghmac), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:52 (seven years ago) link

wait haydon was the commie?

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:54 (seven years ago) link

SPOILERS

nah think he was the aesthete on a protest against the yanks more than anything else, wasn't the dude ciaran hinds played proper lefty in stated methods tho

blind pele (darraghmac), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:56 (seven years ago) link

the sparking point of Real England is where the plummy port-swilling foxhunter runs up against the chippy millenarian work-dodger and we drink each others' health and promise ourselves deep down that one day our kind will crush theirs

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:57 (seven years ago) link

the phoenicians sailed up round to albion to trade tin for spice before the romans had even got out of bed, and if they weren't trading with aboriginal pre-celt and pre-pict inhabitants, then it was certainly aboriginal+1: an island of proto-druid shopkeepers since time immaterial

stonehenge is actually a kind of cashpoint machine

mark s, Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:58 (seven years ago) link

xp

oh, Roy Bland. yeah Bland is the angry Puritan I've been talking about, defending his country so's his people can crush the effete Squire class one day

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:59 (seven years ago) link

but mark, who's to say the aborigines hadn't hopped off the boat from Boulogne just ahead of the celts themselves and so on and so forth??

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 16:00 (seven years ago) link

irish close to turks dna-wise iirc

blind pele (darraghmac), Thursday, 3 November 2011 16:03 (seven years ago) link

i think that's exactly what mark is saying, tbf

blind pele (darraghmac), Thursday, 3 November 2011 16:04 (seven years ago) link

Of all the Tribe of Tegumai
Who cut that figure, none remain
On Merrow Down the cuckoos cry
The silence and the sun remain

xp he's called smiley, he has to be of outlander extraction

mark s, Thursday, 3 November 2011 16:13 (seven years ago) link

^ I wasn't at that FAP

R. Stornoway (Tom D.), Thursday, 3 November 2011 16:34 (seven years ago) link

clun forest all-mercian jug band champions, tractor runs on wattle and daub

mark s, Thursday, 3 November 2011 16:34 (seven years ago) link

never get away with haircuts like that up in the Danelaw

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 16:36 (seven years ago) link

otm

turn me on and press my teabag (bizarro gazzara), Saturday, 22 June 2019 21:45 (one month ago) link

"Wearing what I wear, it makes you feel 10 feet high"

Meet the young tailor who dresses like a Regency gentleman, every day

[Tap to expand] https://t.co/6zKCBy5nES pic.twitter.com/6TpnKPV5YP

— BBC News (UK) (@BBCNews) June 26, 2019

calzino, Thursday, 27 June 2019 10:29 (three weeks ago) link

tap to expand

mark s, Thursday, 27 June 2019 10:31 (three weeks ago) link

respect tbh

calzino, Thursday, 27 June 2019 10:35 (three weeks ago) link

no confidence like private school confidence eh. and to think he'd have been one of the bullied ones

imago, Thursday, 27 June 2019 10:41 (three weeks ago) link

but yeah tbf he's broken in a good direction xp

imago, Thursday, 27 June 2019 10:43 (three weeks ago) link

his bullies should have tried harder

that's the problem with this entitled silver-spoon tormentors, they're just not willing to put in the graft

big beautiful wario (bizarro gazzara), Thursday, 27 June 2019 10:44 (three weeks ago) link

omg the byline in that Daily Record one, the repetition of 'locals' haha

imago, Thursday, 27 June 2019 10:44 (three weeks ago) link

Today in Medway metaphors for Brexit

https://www.kentonline.co.uk/maidstone/news/dreams-shattered-after-unicorn-event-cancelled-207382/

mfktz (Camaraderie at Arms Length), Thursday, 27 June 2019 10:47 (three weeks ago) link

i'm sure Zack MacLeod Pinsent is a pleasant young man, whoever made that a news item can die in an acid bath tho

Rory end to the lowenbrow (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 27 June 2019 10:48 (three weeks ago) link

Unicorn Dream event organiser Darren Rocket

darren... rocket

big beautiful wario (bizarro gazzara), Thursday, 27 June 2019 10:49 (three weeks ago) link

can't decide whether that is great or abysmal, but it is certainly Real

imago, Thursday, 27 June 2019 10:52 (three weeks ago) link

New flag. Waiting on the pole coming to fit on to the outside of the house 👍🏻🇬🇧 pic.twitter.com/Yp3aqtZLoN

— Derek 🇬🇧🇬🇧 (@Meteormadness) June 25, 2019

https://purepng.com/public/uploads/large/thumbs-up-mv6.png
https://greatbritishmag.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/UK-flag-Union-Jack-featured.jpg

calzino, Thursday, 27 June 2019 10:52 (three weeks ago) link

going to keep off Twitter until the temptation to ask Derek whether he's a racist cunt subsides

Rory end to the lowenbrow (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 27 June 2019 10:56 (three weeks ago) link

some wag is asking him under what circumstances would he be prepared to surrender.

calzino, Thursday, 27 June 2019 11:00 (three weeks ago) link

i'm sure Zack MacLeod Pinsent is a pleasant young man, whoever made that a news item can die in an acid bath tho

There's a young(ish) guy who comes into my place of work who dresses in absolutely immaculate 30s/40s clobber, no matter the weather outside. Got the hairstyle to go with it.

Orpheus Knutt (Tom D.), Thursday, 27 June 2019 11:19 (three weeks ago) link

(xp) Derek is "Scottish, living in Ulster . No surrender" btw. So wrong thread.

Orpheus Knutt (Tom D.), Thursday, 27 June 2019 11:20 (three weeks ago) link

Couldn't find the real United kingdom thread today :p

calzino, Thursday, 27 June 2019 11:31 (three weeks ago) link

united kingdom is made up

mark s, Thursday, 27 June 2019 11:32 (three weeks ago) link

This one would probably suffice: Rolling Ayrshire/Lanarkshire Thread 2011

Orpheus Knutt (Tom D.), Thursday, 27 June 2019 11:32 (three weeks ago) link

otm

big beautiful wario (bizarro gazzara), Thursday, 27 June 2019 11:35 (three weeks ago) link

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/D-josAFXkAEy2J3.jpg

mark s, Wednesday, 3 July 2019 15:16 (two weeks ago) link

wow

Funky Isolations (jed_), Wednesday, 3 July 2019 21:07 (two weeks ago) link

pick only one

coroner criticises butt (bizarro gazzara), Wednesday, 3 July 2019 22:14 (two weeks ago) link

pic.twitter.com/FkOaChsE3L

— Spelling Mistakes Cost Lives (@darren_cullen) March 13, 2018

Funky Isolations (jed_), Thursday, 4 July 2019 17:45 (two weeks ago) link

'Exotic' bird turns out to be a gull covered in curry or turmeric https://t.co/ekQZ9kE7Dk pic.twitter.com/7MYnZoVX62

— BUCKINGHAMSHIRE (@DailyBUCKS) July 1, 2019

nashwan, Sunday, 7 July 2019 10:55 (two weeks ago) link

origin of the spices

vg, almost nickb-level there

ogmor, Monday, 8 July 2019 10:37 (two weeks ago) link

Lol

Vini C. Riley (James Redd and the Blecchs), Monday, 8 July 2019 10:43 (two weeks ago) link

holy shit

imago, Monday, 8 July 2019 11:40 (two weeks ago) link

at the pun but also

daily bucks should coat their heraldic swan in turmeric as a tribute

imago, Monday, 8 July 2019 11:43 (two weeks ago) link

On July 21st, 2009 I decided to write out the names of everyone mentioned in the day's edition of Huddersfield Examiner and it's a good job I did because in amongst all the celebs and murder victims, local man Jim Fennell got a mention for finding a 20p piece with no date on it. pic.twitter.com/ju2PHy2xi8

— Kevin Boniface (@MrKevinBoniface) July 9, 2019

only a couple of weeks till the 10th anniversary of Jim Fennell Day.

calzino, Tuesday, 9 July 2019 13:33 (one week ago) link

the only good news story

mark s, Tuesday, 9 July 2019 13:34 (one week ago) link

THAT NEWS STORY IN FULL

JIM Fennell of Holmebridge has found one of those 20p pieces that has no date.

You know, the ones that are supposed to be worth cash.

"I just found one in my change," he says. "I feel like Charlie Bucket in Willy Wonka with his golden ticket.

"What do you think I should do? Cash it in for £50 prize or should I be like Clint Eastwood and hold out for a Few Dollars More?"

Fifty quid seems good to me.

Now, let’s have another look at my change.

coroner criticises butt (bizarro gazzara), Tuesday, 9 July 2019 13:37 (one week ago) link

things jim fennell of holmebridge did not in fact say:

"I feel like charlie bucket in willy wonka with his golden ticket" y/n
"should I be like clint eastwood and hold out for a few dollars more?" y/n

mark s, Tuesday, 9 July 2019 13:43 (one week ago) link

You know, those 20p pieces that are supposed to be worth cash

quelle sprocket damage (sic), Tuesday, 9 July 2019 18:41 (one week ago) link

@normalprivate

ogmor, Wednesday, 10 July 2019 10:35 (one week ago) link

https://i.guim.co.uk/img/media/d5a1df7ecc885cc5fa2f31a9ea2be36e9df72b2b/0_273_3500_2100/master/3500.jpg?width=620&quality=85&auto=format&fit=max&s=28682b0d31b1e1890de1778ca0f59259

Staff in a Middlesbrough McDonald’s received a surprise guest on Saturday night when a snake was found abandoned in the restaurant.

The corn snake, thought to be approximately three weeks old, was found by a member of staff in a plastic takeaway tub.

A comical 'blobbumentary' programme (bizarro gazzara), Wednesday, 10 July 2019 14:43 (one week ago) link

please sir not so loud or everyone will want one

mark s, Wednesday, 10 July 2019 15:49 (one week ago) link

broke: big mac
woke: smol snek

A comical 'blobbumentary' programme (bizarro gazzara), Wednesday, 10 July 2019 15:53 (one week ago) link

"Allow soldiers to have their own month" https://t.co/G20OZw4LW0

— Rejected Petitions (@rejectpetitions) July 10, 2019

𝔠𝔞𝔢𝔨 (caek), Thursday, 11 July 2019 15:27 (one week ago) link

This petition was rejected

lmao owned

lool!

calzino, Thursday, 11 July 2019 15:31 (one week ago) link

As people are fighting over LGBT month and saying their should be a month for soldiers, i decided to create this petition so the people of the UK want what they want

genuinely can't decide whether this is a pisstake or not

maybe a petition for PIP to recognise PTSD as a genuine disability might be more useful to "our boys", but let's face it they can't even spell PTSD.

calzino, Thursday, 11 July 2019 15:40 (one week ago) link

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/D_OKxGHWsAMdiym.jpg

these 2 beehives appeared out of nowhere on a local long abandoned colliery site recently. I didn't think it was inappropriate to ask some bloke who was approaching them what it was all about. His response was really shitty and standoffish and he gruffly told me to avoid them because they were very angry bees. Like as if I was planning on stealing them, lol that would be fun.

calzino, Friday, 12 July 2019 00:15 (one week ago) link

HANDS OFF MAH BEES

Li'l Brexit (Tracer Hand), Friday, 12 July 2019 08:33 (one week ago) link

someone didn’t train their sub properly and it shows pic.twitter.com/gWGiCdJu4L

— Addison. (@EXPENSIVE_HOE) July 16, 2019

calzino, Tuesday, 16 July 2019 08:05 (six days ago) link


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