Real England

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where is it and what does it look like

Nigel Farage is a fucking hero (nakhchivan), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:12 (nine years ago) link

Raymond Williams says somewhere that most people who live in it live in quite small towns, but there is next to no significant literature about same.

Of course he was writing before Midsomer Murders aired.

http://i1.trekearth.com/photos/64476/dscf1947scrsfr.jpg

^^^wiltshire apparently (i'm not sure i know where wiltshire actually is) < /the lex >

mark s, Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:16 (nine years ago) link

i don't know how the demographics break down now but i wd say that a significant majority at least want to live in quite small towns. also i suspect quite small towns are increasingly really dissipated cities.

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:19 (nine years ago) link

Anyone bothered with Paul Kingsnorth's book on this very subject?

Lars and the Lulu Girl (NickB), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:21 (nine years ago) link

but y'knaa this whole problematic word "Real" - is this intended sarcastically, like is this thread about "what are the sort of people who use the phrase 'Real England' talking about?" or are we positing a defining core of Englishness that has history and still survives however tenuous?

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:21 (nine years ago) link

i think it would be facetious to pretend the issue can be approached entirely unfacetiously

Nigel Farage is a fucking hero (nakhchivan), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:22 (nine years ago) link

i was not aware of paul kingsnorth but now i see he has written a book called real england colon something else, i would guess it isn't the only book/treatise/pamphlet with similar title

Nigel Farage is a fucking hero (nakhchivan), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:23 (nine years ago) link

work filter has thoughtfully blocked access to my first google search result, some blog with the delightfully making-me-want-to-stab-the-author subtitle "The Battle Against the Bland". i assure you guys if there is a Real England it is not battling against The Bland and that is an excellent virtue in itself.

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:24 (nine years ago) link

oh right, that is the subtitle of Kingsnorth's book. okay then i will probably never read it since i infer from the book's post-colonage that the guy is a big douche.

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:24 (nine years ago) link

the usual English attention to the wrong details

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:25 (nine years ago) link

and some sadness for stuff passing that has not passed or was not what he claims it was before it passed

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:26 (nine years ago) link

is john terry 'real england' dyou suppose

blind pele (darraghmac), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:27 (nine years ago) link

i infer from the book's post-colonage that the guy is a big douche.

― Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:24 (1 minute ago)

h but f, nv, h but f

basically i was looking at the squad list for peterbrough town and noticed ryan tunnicliffe and lee frecklington and thought maybe those names were shibboleths that uttered in a certain way might usher you into the innermost real england

Nigel Farage is a fucking hero (nakhchivan), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:27 (nine years ago) link

http://i.telegraph.co.uk/multimedia/archive/01185/arts-graphics-2008_1185572a.jpg

the city hobgoblin as a good place to start! (of course he said british not english, right, re the wrong detail)

mark s, Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:35 (nine years ago) link

"... heir to an immense fortune, gifted by nature with a mind susceptible of noble cultivation, and a body endowed with admirable physical powers with the wretched drunkard who died in a gaol at the age of thirty-eight, a worn-out debauchee and drivelling sot... " <-- i am this very second ensconced in the village that surnamed this regency rake, tho he mainly lived on the other side of shrewsbury

mark s, Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:41 (nine years ago) link

nigel farage isn't real btw, he speaks for only his own constituency, which is seldom more than symbolic

is there a real england that is incapable of any sort of assimilation into colonned literature? a planar england that resists signification or commodification by interlopers from other englands

Nigel Farage is a fucking hero (nakhchivan), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:43 (nine years ago) link

south dublin iirc

blind pele (darraghmac), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:44 (nine years ago) link

leatherhead is a promotory over a large and brackish inland sea that is never spoken of

mark s, Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:45 (nine years ago) link

beneath the leylines, the true underground

mark s, Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:46 (nine years ago) link

"Winter, 1981: the headless, skinned bodies of two bears are found by the River Lea."

mark s, Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:51 (nine years ago) link

real england is all mates and and blood sausage and big bottomed birds reading thew newsie-wewsies

max, Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:57 (nine years ago) link

nah it's hedgerows and birds and complete lack of public services

blind pele (darraghmac), Thursday, 3 November 2011 14:08 (nine years ago) link

Oh it's all about the public services nowadays; a bus to take you into town so you can spend all night trawling the happy hour bars, a streetcleaner to mop up your vomit from the pavement, a policeman to give you a place to spend the night. No-one needed public services when an evening's entertainment consisted of watching the sun set over a russet autumnal hedgerow, lulled into a reverie by the carefree birdsong.

ceci n'est pas un nom d'affichage (ledge), Thursday, 3 November 2011 14:17 (nine years ago) link

http://www.photohistory-sussex.co.uk/UckFrisbyPiltdown03.jpg

mark s, Thursday, 3 November 2011 14:19 (nine years ago) link

"Searching for the Putdown Man"

ceci n'est pas un nom d'affichage (ledge), Thursday, 3 November 2011 14:21 (nine years ago) link

is there a real england that is incapable of any sort of assimilation into colonned literature? a planar england that resists signification or commodification by interlopers from other englands

Interesting question which I wish I could answer.

Ned Trifle X, Thursday, 3 November 2011 14:29 (nine years ago) link

I don't know if I would like that England even.

Ned Trifle X, Thursday, 3 November 2011 14:29 (nine years ago) link

is there a culture that can't be commodified? and i have to be v. v. careful not to paint my cultures, or the cultures i've drifted along the fringes of, as the only real England. the problem is that the word is usually only spoken out loud by a certain kind of cultural capitalist, whose vision of it is just as tangential as mine. bullshit about fair play and honest toil and love of the land that i'd counter with a nation of sneak thiefs, factionalists and urban wastrels. the contestedness is always part of the Reality of the nation, any nation really.

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:39 (nine years ago) link

for every sleepy Sunday C of E-attending agnostic Tory there's an apocalypse-welcoming hair-splitting anabaptist

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:41 (nine years ago) link

Everywhere north of Enfield is basically a wasteland isn't it? Brrrr... Nothing there. Just a man collecting lumps of mud and putting them into a cloth bag.

Glo-Vember (dog latin), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:42 (nine years ago) link

yeah but the determination of that which is essential need not be a question of mere majorities

blind pele (darraghmac), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:43 (nine years ago) link

everybody shd read The Uses of Literacy to see how you can constructively get this wrong in a way that doesn't just mourn real heritage centres. obv Williams and E.P. Thompson and Stuart Hall too

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:43 (nine years ago) link

the determination of that which is essential need not be a question of mere majorities

quite so, how about the British Isles then as a dumping ground/refugee camp/Wild West for Europe and parts south-east, over millenia, fuelling endless negotiation and conflict over territory, and that is the quicksand underneath Real England that we think of as bedrock?

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:46 (nine years ago) link

look mate there's no need to get fucking personal, alright

blind pele (darraghmac), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:49 (nine years ago) link

btw if i was gonna put forward one Real England it wd be old photographs of works sports teams or outings or other ceremonial jollies

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:49 (nine years ago) link

it would be the commie permawheezing mustachioed drunk one in tinker tailor, tho no doubt they'd have you b'leev it's smiley or haydon

blind pele (darraghmac), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:52 (nine years ago) link

wait haydon was the commie?

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:54 (nine years ago) link

SPOILERS

nah think he was the aesthete on a protest against the yanks more than anything else, wasn't the dude ciaran hinds played proper lefty in stated methods tho

blind pele (darraghmac), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:56 (nine years ago) link

the sparking point of Real England is where the plummy port-swilling foxhunter runs up against the chippy millenarian work-dodger and we drink each others' health and promise ourselves deep down that one day our kind will crush theirs

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:57 (nine years ago) link

the phoenicians sailed up round to albion to trade tin for spice before the romans had even got out of bed, and if they weren't trading with aboriginal pre-celt and pre-pict inhabitants, then it was certainly aboriginal+1: an island of proto-druid shopkeepers since time immaterial

stonehenge is actually a kind of cashpoint machine

mark s, Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:58 (nine years ago) link

xp

oh, Roy Bland. yeah Bland is the angry Puritan I've been talking about, defending his country so's his people can crush the effete Squire class one day

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:59 (nine years ago) link

but mark, who's to say the aborigines hadn't hopped off the boat from Boulogne just ahead of the celts themselves and so on and so forth??

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 16:00 (nine years ago) link

irish close to turks dna-wise iirc

blind pele (darraghmac), Thursday, 3 November 2011 16:03 (nine years ago) link

i think that's exactly what mark is saying, tbf

blind pele (darraghmac), Thursday, 3 November 2011 16:04 (nine years ago) link

Of all the Tribe of Tegumai
Who cut that figure, none remain
On Merrow Down the cuckoos cry
The silence and the sun remain

xp he's called smiley, he has to be of outlander extraction

mark s, Thursday, 3 November 2011 16:13 (nine years ago) link

^ I wasn't at that FAP

R. Stornoway (Tom D.), Thursday, 3 November 2011 16:34 (nine years ago) link

clun forest all-mercian jug band champions, tractor runs on wattle and daub

mark s, Thursday, 3 November 2011 16:34 (nine years ago) link

never get away with haircuts like that up in the Danelaw

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 16:36 (nine years ago) link

lol, they put a sticker over the old price.

calzino, Sunday, 18 April 2021 10:54 (three weeks ago) link

a dram, a pint of heavy and a shot of 'buca for afters shurely?

Call of Scampi: Slack Nephrops (Noodle Vague), Sunday, 18 April 2021 10:59 (three weeks ago) link

The serious answer is soup, pie & chips etc, tinned fruit/ice cream, apparently.

brain (krakow), Sunday, 18 April 2021 11:08 (three weeks ago) link

Have it for breakfast and nothing worse will happen to you that day!

Andrew Farrell, Sunday, 18 April 2021 11:10 (three weeks ago) link

Is that the Star Bar at Eglinton Toll? Never been in it!

Authoritarian Steaks (Tom D.), Sunday, 18 April 2021 11:26 (three weeks ago) link

Bro, 70 year drill rappers from the UK. Shit is crazy pic.twitter.com/8IIxmaRXhM

— Jason (@VirgilAbroke) April 17, 2021

calzino, Sunday, 18 April 2021 13:33 (three weeks ago) link

pete & bas have got bars.

oscar bravo, Sunday, 18 April 2021 16:57 (three weeks ago) link

the money comes blue
the money comes white
the money comes pink
now i'm washing out red with a petrol can in the bathroom sink

oscar bravo, Sunday, 18 April 2021 16:59 (three weeks ago) link

judgment in from which caterpillar magazine

mark s, Thursday, 22 April 2021 09:02 (two weeks ago) link

“some of our testers found the lack of eye details disturbing”

Li'l Brexit (Tracer Hand), Thursday, 22 April 2021 09:05 (two weeks ago) link

scrape them all into a jar (cocoon) and wait for the gorgeous butterflies to emerge

mark s, Thursday, 22 April 2021 09:41 (two weeks ago) link

Fried caterpillars for a late lunch. Yummy. pic.twitter.com/2ue4k7H7Fu

— Alex Cunningham MP (@ACunninghamMP) March 24, 2021

this Labour MP for Stockton North had his greatest twitter success with this post!

calzino, Thursday, 22 April 2021 10:36 (two weeks ago) link

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Ezp9KnFX0AMIEv9?format=jpg&name=medium

Left, Friday, 23 April 2021 21:19 (two weeks ago) link

do i want to know

i don’t want to know

Li'l Brexit (Tracer Hand), Friday, 23 April 2021 21:31 (two weeks ago) link

Wokecester sauce is all good

calzino, Friday, 23 April 2021 21:34 (two weeks ago) link

Spag Bol sound like a Star Trek:Next Generation character

Andy the Grasshopper, Friday, 23 April 2021 21:42 (two weeks ago) link

laughed at this yesterday but now I'm curious because of course "spag bol" is not an Italian dish at all, so either someone is winding him up here or he has just made it up entirely, or maybe this is just about a recipe which says not to use it?
I'm not curious enough to actually go the the daily mail dot com so suppose this will always be a mystery.

Camaraderie at Arms Length, Friday, 23 April 2021 22:09 (two weeks ago) link

big Antonio Carluccio had some quite strong opinions on UK spag bol and his recipe didn't include garlic, basil, oregano nor any herbs and definitely not Worcester sauce. But yeah lol at the idea that some Brit condiment will upset the woke purists who are mostly making quite rudimentary variants of a bastardised made-up recipe!

calzino, Friday, 23 April 2021 22:27 (two weeks ago) link

This picture caption is particularly unhinged, even by the Mail on Sunday’s standards: pic.twitter.com/u4llflyxGL

— Mic Wright 🏳️‍🌈🌋🏴‍☠️ (@brokenbottleboy) April 25, 2021

Portsmouth Bubblejet, Sunday, 25 April 2021 11:35 (two weeks ago) link

our brave boys :'(

Fizzles, Sunday, 25 April 2021 18:04 (two weeks ago) link

https://twitter.com/RacistPets

Camaraderie at Arms Length, Sunday, 25 April 2021 18:18 (two weeks ago) link

pic.twitter.com/O7sT1QgHmk

— No context UK Facebook (@NoContextFBUK) April 23, 2021

Camaraderie at Arms Length, Tuesday, 27 April 2021 12:21 (two weeks ago) link

very plain-speaking little bastards tbf

calzino, Tuesday, 27 April 2021 12:26 (two weeks ago) link

kids otm

Call of Scampi: Slack Nephrops (Noodle Vague), Tuesday, 27 April 2021 13:44 (two weeks ago) link

no context uk facebook is a good account

𝔠𝔞𝔢𝔨 (caek), Tuesday, 27 April 2021 18:25 (two weeks ago) link

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/sainsburys-parking-best-uk-b1839446.html

“For the last six years I’ve kept a spreadsheet listing every parking spot I’ve used at the local supermarket in a bid to park in them all. This week I completed my Magnum Opus!” he tweeted.

Andrew Farrell, Friday, 30 April 2021 06:15 (one week ago) link

i work with someone who has visited every motorway service station in the UK

mahb, Friday, 30 April 2021 06:28 (one week ago) link

are you ready for June, DJs pic.twitter.com/aMJaECWAv4

— 🌌 george 🌌 (@deejaygeejaygee) March 31, 2021

𝔠𝔞𝔢𝔨 (caek), Friday, 30 April 2021 16:20 (one week ago) link

this guys channel has been blowing up over the last week, a real taste of real england

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tayp9AobZ00

( X '____' )/ (zappi), Saturday, 1 May 2021 04:00 (one week ago) link

love it

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z7YM7iYtFRY

( X '____' )/ (zappi), Saturday, 1 May 2021 04:05 (one week ago) link

I've been watching that lad lately, lovely to see him step up to the ILX bigs

Call of Scampi: Slack Nephrops (Noodle Vague), Saturday, 1 May 2021 10:07 (one week ago) link

Had been thinking of posting the Grandma's Kitchen one here. Prime Real England.

brain (krakow), Saturday, 1 May 2021 11:41 (one week ago) link

lol I recognise that chippy in Middleton with the blue logo from passing it on the bus

calzino, Monday, 3 May 2021 15:59 (one week ago) link

"..it's like a Sunday dinner without the meat.."

calzino, Monday, 3 May 2021 16:00 (one week ago) link

he does not look well

A viking of frowns, (Camaraderie at Arms Length), Monday, 3 May 2021 16:01 (one week ago) link

i like that he wears skinny joggers.

"it's absolutely banging down."

i assumed that he brought the camping table because of covid dining restrictions but if you go back to pre-covid he was using it then. he just likes eating on the pavement.

𝔠𝔞𝔢𝔨 (caek), Monday, 3 May 2021 17:48 (one week ago) link

it's some very polite and jolly real england action i can vibe with, but i worry for the long term consequences of shooting so many of these videos so fast

Hmmmmm (jamiesummerz), Wednesday, 5 May 2021 17:06 (one week ago) link

The reason most people fail in business is because they suck. If you can’t get rich when living in the UK in 2021, then you probably deserve to be poor. pic.twitter.com/egeVgytwnC

— Samuel Leeds (@samuel_leeds) May 9, 2021

calzino, Monday, 10 May 2021 21:33 (two days ago) link

And there's a Real English asshole.

Andy the Grasshopper, Monday, 10 May 2021 21:37 (two days ago) link

the replies complete a vision of this dismal wannabe hoogy

imago, Monday, 10 May 2021 21:37 (two days ago) link

someone committed suicide after squandering 13 grand on his "how to be a financially free property developer course" low sympathy rating obv!

calzino, Monday, 10 May 2021 21:41 (two days ago) link

BBQ at the castle 🥂 pic.twitter.com/LGjqaZZPyP

— Samuel Leeds (@samuel_leeds) April 28, 2021

calzino, Monday, 10 May 2021 21:51 (two days ago) link

the reflected evening sunlight in the windows looks like wishful thinking

calzino, Monday, 10 May 2021 21:52 (two days ago) link

why does he walk like he's shat himself and about to go into the woods to curl up in a bed of leaves and branches. also, nice outfit you've bought with your pallid unhealthy looking wealth bro.

Fizzles, Wednesday, 12 May 2021 07:16 (ten hours ago) link

he looks like the kind of the guy if he got called up for jury service he'd say "why are we bothering with all this bollocks, they're all guilty".

that is literally what I heard a millionaire boss of mine say to another rich pal on his car speakerphone once.

calzino, Wednesday, 12 May 2021 07:32 (ten hours ago) link

thing is i'm going to apply that reasoning to people who think people deserve to be poor. no, no court of appeal, into the tumbril with you.

Fizzles, Wednesday, 12 May 2021 07:36 (ten hours ago) link

he had a Range Rover as well

calzino, Wednesday, 12 May 2021 07:45 (ten hours ago) link

why does he walk like he's shat himself and about to go into the woods to curl up in a bed of leaves and branches. also, nice outfit you've bought with your pallid unhealthy looking wealth bro.


I knew exactly which awful twitter personality this was referring to without looking at the picture just by use of ‘pallid’

Scamp Granada (gyac), Wednesday, 12 May 2021 08:28 (nine hours ago) link


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