Real England

Message Bookmarked
Bookmark Removed

where is it and what does it look like

Nigel Farage is a fucking hero (nakhchivan), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:12 (six years ago) Permalink

Raymond Williams says somewhere that most people who live in it live in quite small towns, but there is next to no significant literature about same.

Of course he was writing before Midsomer Murders aired.

http://i1.trekearth.com/photos/64476/dscf1947scrsfr.jpg

^^^wiltshire apparently (i'm not sure i know where wiltshire actually is) < /the lex >

mark s, Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:16 (six years ago) Permalink

i don't know how the demographics break down now but i wd say that a significant majority at least want to live in quite small towns. also i suspect quite small towns are increasingly really dissipated cities.

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:19 (six years ago) Permalink

Anyone bothered with Paul Kingsnorth's book on this very subject?

Lars and the Lulu Girl (NickB), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:21 (six years ago) Permalink

but y'knaa this whole problematic word "Real" - is this intended sarcastically, like is this thread about "what are the sort of people who use the phrase 'Real England' talking about?" or are we positing a defining core of Englishness that has history and still survives however tenuous?

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:21 (six years ago) Permalink

i think it would be facetious to pretend the issue can be approached entirely unfacetiously

Nigel Farage is a fucking hero (nakhchivan), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:22 (six years ago) Permalink

i was not aware of paul kingsnorth but now i see he has written a book called real england colon something else, i would guess it isn't the only book/treatise/pamphlet with similar title

Nigel Farage is a fucking hero (nakhchivan), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:23 (six years ago) Permalink

work filter has thoughtfully blocked access to my first google search result, some blog with the delightfully making-me-want-to-stab-the-author subtitle "The Battle Against the Bland". i assure you guys if there is a Real England it is not battling against The Bland and that is an excellent virtue in itself.

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:24 (six years ago) Permalink

oh right, that is the subtitle of Kingsnorth's book. okay then i will probably never read it since i infer from the book's post-colonage that the guy is a big douche.

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:24 (six years ago) Permalink

the usual English attention to the wrong details

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:25 (six years ago) Permalink

and some sadness for stuff passing that has not passed or was not what he claims it was before it passed

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:26 (six years ago) Permalink

is john terry 'real england' dyou suppose

blind pele (darraghmac), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:27 (six years ago) Permalink

i infer from the book's post-colonage that the guy is a big douche.

― Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:24 (1 minute ago)

h but f, nv, h but f

basically i was looking at the squad list for peterbrough town and noticed ryan tunnicliffe and lee frecklington and thought maybe those names were shibboleths that uttered in a certain way might usher you into the innermost real england

Nigel Farage is a fucking hero (nakhchivan), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:27 (six years ago) Permalink

http://i.telegraph.co.uk/multimedia/archive/01185/arts-graphics-2008_1185572a.jpg

the city hobgoblin as a good place to start! (of course he said british not english, right, re the wrong detail)

mark s, Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:35 (six years ago) Permalink

"... heir to an immense fortune, gifted by nature with a mind susceptible of noble cultivation, and a body endowed with admirable physical powers with the wretched drunkard who died in a gaol at the age of thirty-eight, a worn-out debauchee and drivelling sot... " <-- i am this very second ensconced in the village that surnamed this regency rake, tho he mainly lived on the other side of shrewsbury

mark s, Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:41 (six years ago) Permalink

nigel farage isn't real btw, he speaks for only his own constituency, which is seldom more than symbolic

is there a real england that is incapable of any sort of assimilation into colonned literature? a planar england that resists signification or commodification by interlopers from other englands

Nigel Farage is a fucking hero (nakhchivan), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:43 (six years ago) Permalink

south dublin iirc

blind pele (darraghmac), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:44 (six years ago) Permalink

leatherhead is a promotory over a large and brackish inland sea that is never spoken of

mark s, Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:45 (six years ago) Permalink

beneath the leylines, the true underground

mark s, Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:46 (six years ago) Permalink

"Winter, 1981: the headless, skinned bodies of two bears are found by the River Lea."

mark s, Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:51 (six years ago) Permalink

real england is all mates and and blood sausage and big bottomed birds reading thew newsie-wewsies

max, Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:57 (six years ago) Permalink

nah it's hedgerows and birds and complete lack of public services

blind pele (darraghmac), Thursday, 3 November 2011 14:08 (six years ago) Permalink

Oh it's all about the public services nowadays; a bus to take you into town so you can spend all night trawling the happy hour bars, a streetcleaner to mop up your vomit from the pavement, a policeman to give you a place to spend the night. No-one needed public services when an evening's entertainment consisted of watching the sun set over a russet autumnal hedgerow, lulled into a reverie by the carefree birdsong.

ceci n'est pas un nom d'affichage (ledge), Thursday, 3 November 2011 14:17 (six years ago) Permalink

http://www.photohistory-sussex.co.uk/UckFrisbyPiltdown03.jpg

mark s, Thursday, 3 November 2011 14:19 (six years ago) Permalink

"Searching for the Putdown Man"

ceci n'est pas un nom d'affichage (ledge), Thursday, 3 November 2011 14:21 (six years ago) Permalink

is there a real england that is incapable of any sort of assimilation into colonned literature? a planar england that resists signification or commodification by interlopers from other englands

Interesting question which I wish I could answer.

Ned Trifle X, Thursday, 3 November 2011 14:29 (six years ago) Permalink

I don't know if I would like that England even.

Ned Trifle X, Thursday, 3 November 2011 14:29 (six years ago) Permalink

is there a culture that can't be commodified? and i have to be v. v. careful not to paint my cultures, or the cultures i've drifted along the fringes of, as the only real England. the problem is that the word is usually only spoken out loud by a certain kind of cultural capitalist, whose vision of it is just as tangential as mine. bullshit about fair play and honest toil and love of the land that i'd counter with a nation of sneak thiefs, factionalists and urban wastrels. the contestedness is always part of the Reality of the nation, any nation really.

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:39 (six years ago) Permalink

for every sleepy Sunday C of E-attending agnostic Tory there's an apocalypse-welcoming hair-splitting anabaptist

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:41 (six years ago) Permalink

Everywhere north of Enfield is basically a wasteland isn't it? Brrrr... Nothing there. Just a man collecting lumps of mud and putting them into a cloth bag.

Glo-Vember (dog latin), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:42 (six years ago) Permalink

yeah but the determination of that which is essential need not be a question of mere majorities

blind pele (darraghmac), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:43 (six years ago) Permalink

everybody shd read The Uses of Literacy to see how you can constructively get this wrong in a way that doesn't just mourn real heritage centres. obv Williams and E.P. Thompson and Stuart Hall too

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:43 (six years ago) Permalink

the determination of that which is essential need not be a question of mere majorities

quite so, how about the British Isles then as a dumping ground/refugee camp/Wild West for Europe and parts south-east, over millenia, fuelling endless negotiation and conflict over territory, and that is the quicksand underneath Real England that we think of as bedrock?

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:46 (six years ago) Permalink

look mate there's no need to get fucking personal, alright

blind pele (darraghmac), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:49 (six years ago) Permalink

btw if i was gonna put forward one Real England it wd be old photographs of works sports teams or outings or other ceremonial jollies

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:49 (six years ago) Permalink

it would be the commie permawheezing mustachioed drunk one in tinker tailor, tho no doubt they'd have you b'leev it's smiley or haydon

blind pele (darraghmac), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:52 (six years ago) Permalink

wait haydon was the commie?

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:54 (six years ago) Permalink

SPOILERS

nah think he was the aesthete on a protest against the yanks more than anything else, wasn't the dude ciaran hinds played proper lefty in stated methods tho

blind pele (darraghmac), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:56 (six years ago) Permalink

the sparking point of Real England is where the plummy port-swilling foxhunter runs up against the chippy millenarian work-dodger and we drink each others' health and promise ourselves deep down that one day our kind will crush theirs

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:57 (six years ago) Permalink

the phoenicians sailed up round to albion to trade tin for spice before the romans had even got out of bed, and if they weren't trading with aboriginal pre-celt and pre-pict inhabitants, then it was certainly aboriginal+1: an island of proto-druid shopkeepers since time immaterial

stonehenge is actually a kind of cashpoint machine

mark s, Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:58 (six years ago) Permalink

xp

oh, Roy Bland. yeah Bland is the angry Puritan I've been talking about, defending his country so's his people can crush the effete Squire class one day

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:59 (six years ago) Permalink

but mark, who's to say the aborigines hadn't hopped off the boat from Boulogne just ahead of the celts themselves and so on and so forth??

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 16:00 (six years ago) Permalink

irish close to turks dna-wise iirc

blind pele (darraghmac), Thursday, 3 November 2011 16:03 (six years ago) Permalink

i think that's exactly what mark is saying, tbf

blind pele (darraghmac), Thursday, 3 November 2011 16:04 (six years ago) Permalink

Of all the Tribe of Tegumai
Who cut that figure, none remain
On Merrow Down the cuckoos cry
The silence and the sun remain

xp he's called smiley, he has to be of outlander extraction

mark s, Thursday, 3 November 2011 16:13 (six years ago) Permalink

^ I wasn't at that FAP

R. Stornoway (Tom D.), Thursday, 3 November 2011 16:34 (six years ago) Permalink

clun forest all-mercian jug band champions, tractor runs on wattle and daub

mark s, Thursday, 3 November 2011 16:34 (six years ago) Permalink

never get away with haircuts like that up in the Danelaw

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 16:36 (six years ago) Permalink

where is the love for HORSLIPS

mark s, Sunday, 18 February 2018 13:23 (two months ago) Permalink

maybe within 20 years the fetishisation of unhealthy peasant food from poor 2nd-world England will be looked down upon by Japanese polite society as some politically incorrect, inverted orientalism!

calzino, Sunday, 18 February 2018 13:42 (two months ago) Permalink

how are kebabs unhealthy? no other fast food involves as much salad!

mark s, Sunday, 18 February 2018 13:44 (two months ago) Permalink

I had a very unhealthy but delicious Mexicano pizza a local fast food outlet yesterday. When I see that kebab meat eternally sizzling away, I'm more troubled by the hygiene rating * they lost than the **** they received!

calzino, Sunday, 18 February 2018 13:48 (two months ago) Permalink

There is a hilarious scene in The Other Side of Hope where a hapless seafood restaurateur tries to re-brand the place as a Sushi Bar and a huge party of Japanese tourists turn up.

calzino, Sunday, 18 February 2018 13:52 (two months ago) Permalink

on the first night! yes it is hilar

sort of surprised i haven't heard of white people doing artisanal pop-up gourmet kebabs for £9.50 each. surely this has happened

illegal economic migration (Tracer Hand), Sunday, 18 February 2018 14:21 (two months ago) Permalink

GASTRO BABS

mark s, Sunday, 18 February 2018 14:33 (two months ago) Permalink

The Typhoid Mary of dysentry.

Video reach stereo bog (Tom D.), Sunday, 18 February 2018 14:38 (two months ago) Permalink

urge to kebab rising

Big Ched aka The Cheesedriver (Noodle Vague), Sunday, 18 February 2018 14:50 (two months ago) Permalink

You guys haven’t heard about FANNY, which is opening on Stoke-fucking-Newington High Street? Couple posh tosspots decided they could do ‘healthy’ kebabs in N16 and were duly rinsed by @Mangal2 and a cast of thousands.

kim jong deal (suzy), Sunday, 18 February 2018 15:10 (two months ago) Permalink

Chuckle Brother Paul tweeted that he had got three pieces of chicken and chips at Leicester Forest Services

scotti pruitti (wins), Wednesday, 21 February 2018 12:25 (one month ago) Permalink

For those who contacted the Police about KFC being out of chicken ... please STOP. Their website says the Prestwich store is now open if you want to follow the four police cars through the drive thru ..

— GMP Whitefield (@GMPWhitefield) February 20, 2018

scotti pruitti (wins), Wednesday, 21 February 2018 12:26 (one month ago) Permalink

This is one of the greatest videos to have ever graced the tl pic.twitter.com/Tb6oeNnU4l

— Jay (@jayandreas_) February 28, 2018

Google Atheist (Le Bateau Ivre), Thursday, 1 March 2018 15:05 (one month ago) Permalink

amazing

Heavy Messages (jed_), Thursday, 1 March 2018 15:10 (one month ago) Permalink

learning not to swear at five o is a rites of passage thing, although some idiots don't learn their lesson after the first time!

calzino, Thursday, 1 March 2018 15:16 (one month ago) Permalink

you guys would have loved my high school

ogmor, Thursday, 1 March 2018 15:37 (one month ago) Permalink

all that's missing is a donk on it

Algerian Goalkeeper (Odysseus), Thursday, 1 March 2018 16:14 (one month ago) Permalink

what does this mean: "he bics his hair because he's baldy"

(i understand the second bit)

mark s, Thursday, 1 March 2018 16:27 (one month ago) Permalink

Bic razor

Colonel Poo, Thursday, 1 March 2018 16:28 (one month ago) Permalink

truly he is the calum of drunken badinage

mark s, Thursday, 1 March 2018 16:31 (one month ago) Permalink

I took it as drawing dots on his head to make it look like he's still got hair, in a cartoon fashion!

calzino, Thursday, 1 March 2018 16:33 (one month ago) Permalink

does that work? asking for deems

i'm surprised to see your screwface at the door (NickB), Thursday, 1 March 2018 16:36 (one month ago) Permalink

probably about as useful as gluing your arse-hairs on your head.

calzino, Thursday, 1 March 2018 16:39 (one month ago) Permalink

the drawing dots thing is a funnier insult, bcz beano-esque

https://vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/beano/images/a/a2/1815824-wilfred.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20161018145417

mark s, Thursday, 1 March 2018 16:42 (one month ago) Permalink

is that smiffy?

Algerian Goalkeeper (Odysseus), Thursday, 1 March 2018 16:49 (one month ago) Permalink

no that's wilfred, smiffy wears yellow and has a kind of tonsure

mark s, Thursday, 1 March 2018 16:54 (one month ago) Permalink

is bic as a verb a regional peculiarity?

ogmor, Thursday, 1 March 2018 16:58 (one month ago) Permalink

guy in the phone booth ftw

NEW CHIMP THREAT (bizarro gazzara), Thursday, 1 March 2018 17:03 (one month ago) Permalink

"er... partially" is my favorite part of that

it's my leopard. (Ye Mad Puffin), Thursday, 1 March 2018 17:26 (one month ago) Permalink

not sure which part of real england that was filmed, but bic is a verb in sheffield fwiw

𝔠𝔞𝔢𝔨 (caek), Thursday, 1 March 2018 17:46 (one month ago) Permalink

from fake England, but understood "bics" immediately

joker otm tbh

just noticed tears shaped like florida. (sic), Sunday, 4 March 2018 09:26 (one month ago) Permalink

i know it's scotland but this feels like the right thread

In a laver: seaweed shuts nuclear reactor again in bad weather

EDF’s Torness plant east of Edinburgh has previously been taken offline due to jellyfish

https://www.theguardian.com/business/2018/mar/05/seaweed-shuts-nuclear-reactor-edf-torness-plant

illegal economic migration (Tracer Hand), Monday, 5 March 2018 13:35 (one month ago) Permalink

you wouldn't think it to look at her

as the crows around me grows (Noodle Vague), Sunday, 18 March 2018 10:49 (one month ago) Permalink

thread

my new favourite hobby is watching old clips from airline of people not being able to get on their flights . a personal favourite : mouse woman pic.twitter.com/TQwtmMAd4F

— Tom Walker (@tomwaIker) March 25, 2018

, Saturday, 31 March 2018 13:52 (two weeks ago) Permalink

I know someone who was on this show, missed his flight and made up a complete lie, about missing his brother's wedding or something, to get on another flight. He doesn't even have a brother.

Buff Jeckley (Tom D.), Saturday, 31 March 2018 14:09 (two weeks ago) Permalink

cannot watch shows about pigs or airport pigs, they make me v rationally angry

bad left terf nut (Noodle Vague), Saturday, 31 March 2018 14:21 (two weeks ago) Permalink

was up north this weekend. was told about a babbys yed. seems real english.

"In Wigan you can still go to the chippy with your own Pyrex dish and ask for: “A babbys yed – leave t’elmet on – chips an’ pea wet.” The translation of this puzzling indigenous language: “A baby’s head [steak pudding], with the tinfoil still on with chips and pea wet.” As to the aforementioned steak pudding it is so named due to the gentle dip in the top of the suet which bears a striking resemblance to the depressed fontanel of a new-born infant whose skull plates have yet to move into position."

jamiesummerz, Tuesday, 3 April 2018 12:18 (two weeks ago) Permalink

mmm baby brains nomnomnom

someone’s burgling my miscellanea (bizarro gazzara), Tuesday, 3 April 2018 12:21 (two weeks ago) Permalink

"pea wet" universally understood and needs no translation i guess?

illegal economic migration (Tracer Hand), Tuesday, 3 April 2018 12:33 (two weeks ago) Permalink

Haha I clearly remember the first time I went to a chip shop with my friend (also from Wigan) and heard him ask for a baby's head (fwiw he deffo didn't pronounce it "babby's yed") - I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

Tim, Tuesday, 3 April 2018 12:41 (two weeks ago) Permalink

it just feels More and More like this countrys changing

imago, Sunday, 15 April 2018 18:21 (five days ago) Permalink

' “There’s more to this,” he said. “Morrisons have got their own agenda. '

THIS is Real England April 2018. All conspiracy theories and desperate hopelessness.

thomasintrouble, Sunday, 15 April 2018 20:34 (five days ago) Permalink

Yeah '..agenda' is the new 'narrative'.

piscesx, Sunday, 15 April 2018 21:22 (five days ago) Permalink

In fact 'They've got their own agenda' is to the late 2010s what 'It's political correctness gone mad' was to the mid-1990s.

piscesx, Sunday, 15 April 2018 21:23 (five days ago) Permalink


You must be logged in to post. Please either login here, or if you are not registered, you may register here.