Real England

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where is it and what does it look like

Nigel Farage is a fucking hero (nakhchivan), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:12 (ten years ago) link

Raymond Williams says somewhere that most people who live in it live in quite small towns, but there is next to no significant literature about same.

Of course he was writing before Midsomer Murders aired.

http://i1.trekearth.com/photos/64476/dscf1947scrsfr.jpg

^^^wiltshire apparently (i'm not sure i know where wiltshire actually is) < /the lex >

mark s, Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:16 (ten years ago) link

i don't know how the demographics break down now but i wd say that a significant majority at least want to live in quite small towns. also i suspect quite small towns are increasingly really dissipated cities.

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:19 (ten years ago) link

Anyone bothered with Paul Kingsnorth's book on this very subject?

Lars and the Lulu Girl (NickB), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:21 (ten years ago) link

but y'knaa this whole problematic word "Real" - is this intended sarcastically, like is this thread about "what are the sort of people who use the phrase 'Real England' talking about?" or are we positing a defining core of Englishness that has history and still survives however tenuous?

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:21 (ten years ago) link

i think it would be facetious to pretend the issue can be approached entirely unfacetiously

Nigel Farage is a fucking hero (nakhchivan), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:22 (ten years ago) link

i was not aware of paul kingsnorth but now i see he has written a book called real england colon something else, i would guess it isn't the only book/treatise/pamphlet with similar title

Nigel Farage is a fucking hero (nakhchivan), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:23 (ten years ago) link

work filter has thoughtfully blocked access to my first google search result, some blog with the delightfully making-me-want-to-stab-the-author subtitle "The Battle Against the Bland". i assure you guys if there is a Real England it is not battling against The Bland and that is an excellent virtue in itself.

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:24 (ten years ago) link

oh right, that is the subtitle of Kingsnorth's book. okay then i will probably never read it since i infer from the book's post-colonage that the guy is a big douche.

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:24 (ten years ago) link

the usual English attention to the wrong details

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:25 (ten years ago) link

and some sadness for stuff passing that has not passed or was not what he claims it was before it passed

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:26 (ten years ago) link

is john terry 'real england' dyou suppose

blind pele (darraghmac), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:27 (ten years ago) link

i infer from the book's post-colonage that the guy is a big douche.

― Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:24 (1 minute ago)

h but f, nv, h but f

basically i was looking at the squad list for peterbrough town and noticed ryan tunnicliffe and lee frecklington and thought maybe those names were shibboleths that uttered in a certain way might usher you into the innermost real england

Nigel Farage is a fucking hero (nakhchivan), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:27 (ten years ago) link

http://i.telegraph.co.uk/multimedia/archive/01185/arts-graphics-2008_1185572a.jpg

the city hobgoblin as a good place to start! (of course he said british not english, right, re the wrong detail)

mark s, Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:35 (ten years ago) link

"... heir to an immense fortune, gifted by nature with a mind susceptible of noble cultivation, and a body endowed with admirable physical powers with the wretched drunkard who died in a gaol at the age of thirty-eight, a worn-out debauchee and drivelling sot... " <-- i am this very second ensconced in the village that surnamed this regency rake, tho he mainly lived on the other side of shrewsbury

mark s, Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:41 (ten years ago) link

nigel farage isn't real btw, he speaks for only his own constituency, which is seldom more than symbolic

is there a real england that is incapable of any sort of assimilation into colonned literature? a planar england that resists signification or commodification by interlopers from other englands

Nigel Farage is a fucking hero (nakhchivan), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:43 (ten years ago) link

south dublin iirc

blind pele (darraghmac), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:44 (ten years ago) link

leatherhead is a promotory over a large and brackish inland sea that is never spoken of

mark s, Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:45 (ten years ago) link

beneath the leylines, the true underground

mark s, Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:46 (ten years ago) link

"Winter, 1981: the headless, skinned bodies of two bears are found by the River Lea."

mark s, Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:51 (ten years ago) link

real england is all mates and and blood sausage and big bottomed birds reading thew newsie-wewsies

max, Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:57 (ten years ago) link

nah it's hedgerows and birds and complete lack of public services

blind pele (darraghmac), Thursday, 3 November 2011 14:08 (ten years ago) link

Oh it's all about the public services nowadays; a bus to take you into town so you can spend all night trawling the happy hour bars, a streetcleaner to mop up your vomit from the pavement, a policeman to give you a place to spend the night. No-one needed public services when an evening's entertainment consisted of watching the sun set over a russet autumnal hedgerow, lulled into a reverie by the carefree birdsong.

ceci n'est pas un nom d'affichage (ledge), Thursday, 3 November 2011 14:17 (ten years ago) link

http://www.photohistory-sussex.co.uk/UckFrisbyPiltdown03.jpg

mark s, Thursday, 3 November 2011 14:19 (ten years ago) link

"Searching for the Putdown Man"

ceci n'est pas un nom d'affichage (ledge), Thursday, 3 November 2011 14:21 (ten years ago) link

is there a real england that is incapable of any sort of assimilation into colonned literature? a planar england that resists signification or commodification by interlopers from other englands

Interesting question which I wish I could answer.

Ned Trifle X, Thursday, 3 November 2011 14:29 (ten years ago) link

I don't know if I would like that England even.

Ned Trifle X, Thursday, 3 November 2011 14:29 (ten years ago) link

is there a culture that can't be commodified? and i have to be v. v. careful not to paint my cultures, or the cultures i've drifted along the fringes of, as the only real England. the problem is that the word is usually only spoken out loud by a certain kind of cultural capitalist, whose vision of it is just as tangential as mine. bullshit about fair play and honest toil and love of the land that i'd counter with a nation of sneak thiefs, factionalists and urban wastrels. the contestedness is always part of the Reality of the nation, any nation really.

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:39 (ten years ago) link

for every sleepy Sunday C of E-attending agnostic Tory there's an apocalypse-welcoming hair-splitting anabaptist

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:41 (ten years ago) link

Everywhere north of Enfield is basically a wasteland isn't it? Brrrr... Nothing there. Just a man collecting lumps of mud and putting them into a cloth bag.

Glo-Vember (dog latin), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:42 (ten years ago) link

yeah but the determination of that which is essential need not be a question of mere majorities

blind pele (darraghmac), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:43 (ten years ago) link

everybody shd read The Uses of Literacy to see how you can constructively get this wrong in a way that doesn't just mourn real heritage centres. obv Williams and E.P. Thompson and Stuart Hall too

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:43 (ten years ago) link

the determination of that which is essential need not be a question of mere majorities

quite so, how about the British Isles then as a dumping ground/refugee camp/Wild West for Europe and parts south-east, over millenia, fuelling endless negotiation and conflict over territory, and that is the quicksand underneath Real England that we think of as bedrock?

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:46 (ten years ago) link

look mate there's no need to get fucking personal, alright

blind pele (darraghmac), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:49 (ten years ago) link

btw if i was gonna put forward one Real England it wd be old photographs of works sports teams or outings or other ceremonial jollies

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:49 (ten years ago) link

it would be the commie permawheezing mustachioed drunk one in tinker tailor, tho no doubt they'd have you b'leev it's smiley or haydon

blind pele (darraghmac), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:52 (ten years ago) link

wait haydon was the commie?

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:54 (ten years ago) link

SPOILERS

nah think he was the aesthete on a protest against the yanks more than anything else, wasn't the dude ciaran hinds played proper lefty in stated methods tho

blind pele (darraghmac), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:56 (ten years ago) link

the sparking point of Real England is where the plummy port-swilling foxhunter runs up against the chippy millenarian work-dodger and we drink each others' health and promise ourselves deep down that one day our kind will crush theirs

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:57 (ten years ago) link

the phoenicians sailed up round to albion to trade tin for spice before the romans had even got out of bed, and if they weren't trading with aboriginal pre-celt and pre-pict inhabitants, then it was certainly aboriginal+1: an island of proto-druid shopkeepers since time immaterial

stonehenge is actually a kind of cashpoint machine

mark s, Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:58 (ten years ago) link

xp

oh, Roy Bland. yeah Bland is the angry Puritan I've been talking about, defending his country so's his people can crush the effete Squire class one day

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:59 (ten years ago) link

but mark, who's to say the aborigines hadn't hopped off the boat from Boulogne just ahead of the celts themselves and so on and so forth??

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 16:00 (ten years ago) link

irish close to turks dna-wise iirc

blind pele (darraghmac), Thursday, 3 November 2011 16:03 (ten years ago) link

i think that's exactly what mark is saying, tbf

blind pele (darraghmac), Thursday, 3 November 2011 16:04 (ten years ago) link

Of all the Tribe of Tegumai
Who cut that figure, none remain
On Merrow Down the cuckoos cry
The silence and the sun remain

xp he's called smiley, he has to be of outlander extraction

mark s, Thursday, 3 November 2011 16:13 (ten years ago) link

^ I wasn't at that FAP

R. Stornoway (Tom D.), Thursday, 3 November 2011 16:34 (ten years ago) link

clun forest all-mercian jug band champions, tractor runs on wattle and daub

mark s, Thursday, 3 November 2011 16:34 (ten years ago) link

never get away with haircuts like that up in the Danelaw

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 16:36 (ten years ago) link

sometimes fake is realer than real

calzino, Tuesday, 19 July 2022 16:56 (two months ago) link

I was with it up until the pratfall

Number None, Tuesday, 19 July 2022 17:33 (two months ago) link

British heat wave. pic.twitter.com/672dk6azig

— GRITCULT (@GRITCULT) July 18, 2022

xyzzzz__, Wednesday, 20 July 2022 09:23 (two months ago) link

two weeks pass...

A worthwhile meander around the mumsnet forums tonight pic.twitter.com/ybZEPouk1c

— Kate Hewson (@katejhewson) August 8, 2022

calzino, Tuesday, 9 August 2022 07:56 (one month ago) link

i need to know how this story ends + pictures of nonplussed cats sitting at a little table with tiny dishes of shrew ice cream

The real nazis are the friends we made along the way. (cat), Tuesday, 9 August 2022 08:47 (one month ago) link

https://www.examinerlive.co.uk/news/local-news/reports-mans-hand-chopped-off-24715290

Someone has had their hand chopped off outside Deighton WMC over a £10 bag of weed. Not very amusing but I did have a grim chuckle to myself when I read it which is a bad not good thing to do. It always was a very bad vibes WMC with a killer Alsatian often left out on the flat roof (a bit of 70's/80's thing at various rough as fuck flat roof pubs) that used to snarl at schoolkids walking past on a morning, and the psycho-gammon landlord used to threaten to let it loose on them if they persisted in throwing stones at the poor beast. I grew up just around the corner and it's a classic heart-warming Real Deighton story that will no doubt have an even grimmer follow up.

“I have lived here for 20-odd years and there will be reprisals. I hear he has lost his hand over a £10 bag of weed. I was here the last time a lad had his arm nearly sliced off.”

calzino, Saturday, 13 August 2022 10:08 (one month ago) link

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gp8i50Fureo

seo layer (Noodle Vague), Saturday, 13 August 2022 10:14 (one month ago) link

most blood feuds do start over some trivial shit, but lord, a tenner bag of weed is a new low!

calzino, Saturday, 13 August 2022 10:19 (one month ago) link

i blame metric, it was better when they sold it in eighths

seo layer (Noodle Vague), Saturday, 13 August 2022 10:25 (one month ago) link

I haven't bought weed in years but it seems weed dealers have took a side in the imperial vs metric war, bloody melts!

calzino, Saturday, 13 August 2022 10:28 (one month ago) link

but when I did buy weed in the early 90's in the Sheepridge/Deighton area, interactions with dealers was always very cordial and relaxed, never felt in any peril or ever caught sight of a machete!

calzino, Saturday, 13 August 2022 10:34 (one month ago) link

if a fvcked with screen names i'd definitely pinch "sugar-free traditional custard (albeit shrew-flavoured)"

mark s, Saturday, 13 August 2022 10:50 (one month ago) link

was curious if people eat shrews and there is a US Catch and Cook a shrew guide on YT. But their shrews look much bigger.

calzino, Saturday, 13 August 2022 11:02 (one month ago) link

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gp8i50Fureo

― seo layer (Noodle Vague), zaterdag 13 augustus 2022 12:14

Real Mzansi

big movers, hot steppers + long shaker intros (breastcrawl), Saturday, 13 August 2022 11:32 (one month ago) link

Torrential rain this afternoon after very hot weather the previous few days. I was on the bus home and there were a lot of drenched people. In front of me were two 14-15 year old lads who were skateboarders dressed in t-shirts and shorts. One of them said to the other "If I was wearing my waterproof jacket and trousers nothing would touch me except your mum."

Being cheap is expensive (snoball), Wednesday, 17 August 2022 19:56 (one month ago) link

Hedgehog accidentally donated to charity shop https://t.co/JQZCymZMfh

— BBC News (UK) (@BBCNews) August 23, 2022

Portsmouth Bubblejet, Wednesday, 24 August 2022 12:55 (one month ago) link

i've always wanted to take a roadkill one on a shovel, drop it off at a hedgehog hospital and tell them to sort that fucker out

seo layer (Noodle Vague), Wednesday, 24 August 2022 13:01 (one month ago) link

Well, there it is. The picture that will go around the world. pic.twitter.com/Ysdqu6Mq9j

— Caitlin Moran (@caitlinmoran) September 6, 2022

koogs, Tuesday, 6 September 2022 20:47 (three weeks ago) link

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/FcECdnoXoAAQO4z?format=png

Left, Thursday, 8 September 2022 13:53 (three weeks ago) link

Pretty sure I saw that in the Jorvik museum in York

Agnes, Agatha, Germaine and Jack (Willl), Thursday, 8 September 2022 13:55 (three weeks ago) link

things getting way too real very soon

Left, Thursday, 8 September 2022 13:55 (three weeks ago) link

you're the one that just posted that picture of the Queen ffs

seo layer (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 8 September 2022 13:59 (three weeks ago) link

Perfection is everything

a hoy hoy, Sunday, 11 September 2022 08:23 (three weeks ago) link

A little outside of the thread's charter, but still:

I put crisps in between buttered bread, and yet you say I am not part of this culture?

I shout "weyyyy" when someone smashes a glass in a pub, and still I am not part of your culture?

WHEN YOU SAY AUTOGLASS REPAIR, I SAY AUTOGLASS REPLACE, BUT I AM NOT OF THIS CULTURE??? https://t.co/cU60a7pH71

— Ash Sarkar (@AyoCaesar) September 12, 2022

Andrew Farrell, Monday, 12 September 2022 17:42 (two weeks ago) link

BBC1's prime time show this evening is a single 90 minute shot of a van driving down a road in the drizzle.

link.exposing.politically (Camaraderie at Arms Length), Tuesday, 13 September 2022 18:41 (two weeks ago) link

slow television. it's a thing.

koogs, Tuesday, 13 September 2022 18:43 (two weeks ago) link

you know, with the right soundtrack (so not these cunts droning on) this could be pretty good TV

link.exposing.politically (Camaraderie at Arms Length), Tuesday, 13 September 2022 18:48 (two weeks ago) link

i turned it on on yr recommendation (sound down) and yes it's terrific

mark s, Tuesday, 13 September 2022 19:00 (two weeks ago) link

modern city light is gorgeous

mark s, Tuesday, 13 September 2022 19:04 (two weeks ago) link

i had the same thought a few minutes back, take out the obsequious blather over the top and put a few captions on there and you've got a show

seo layer (Noodle Vague), Tuesday, 13 September 2022 19:18 (two weeks ago) link

you wait until they drive back to London, could easily get 12 hours out of that, simulcast on the red button.

koogs, Tuesday, 13 September 2022 19:22 (two weeks ago) link

alternate commentary by hacker the dog

koogs, Tuesday, 13 September 2022 19:22 (two weeks ago) link

trying it with some different music, not sure this one works, any suggestions?

It's better if you take away the tedious commentary and add some music. pic.twitter.com/Kv9zxITydm

— Centuries of Sound (@Centuries_Sound) September 13, 2022

link.exposing.politically (Camaraderie at Arms Length), Tuesday, 13 September 2022 20:05 (two weeks ago) link

im listening to the new 5-4 pod

mark s, Tuesday, 13 September 2022 20:07 (two weeks ago) link

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-62900500

"BBC to stream Queen Elizabeth II lying in state"

even slower tv...

koogs, Wednesday, 14 September 2022 11:13 (two weeks ago) link

If it didn't all absolutely boil my blood some of this could be prime ASMR fodder.

brain (krakow), Wednesday, 14 September 2022 13:27 (two weeks ago) link

https://thumbs.gfycat.com/DelightfulDistortedAmazontreeboa-max-1mb.gif

mark s, Wednesday, 14 September 2022 13:33 (two weeks ago) link

Tesco, Bangor, 13/09/22 pic.twitter.com/g5jYrx0V49

— Seiriol Dawes-Hughes (@seiriol) September 13, 2022

(saw my first EiiR memorial bus-stop earlier today, which then changed into some betting ad)

koogs, Wednesday, 14 September 2022 14:49 (two weeks ago) link

this seems not great:

Car boot...they selling lost parcels for £2 pic.twitter.com/iIzmHzmqIt

— C B (@seeby123) September 18, 2022

mark s, Sunday, 18 September 2022 16:22 (two weeks ago) link

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lu8ub0gddyA

Being cheap is expensive (snoball), Sunday, 18 September 2022 16:42 (two weeks ago) link

youtubers whomst are impressively terrible

mark s, Sunday, 18 September 2022 16:59 (two weeks ago) link

feudal vague (Noodle Vague), Sunday, 18 September 2022 17:18 (two weeks ago) link

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/FdNPk-fWQAggNCl?format=jpg&name=small

calzino, Wednesday, 21 September 2022 20:46 (one week ago) link

My local business of the week award goes to Bing Shropshire, who has been selling his jugs of tea in the Municipal Gardens for 45 years. 'The odd thing is,' confessed Bing, 64, 'is that I don't even like tea. I hate it. And I hate people.'
We wish him many more years of success. pic.twitter.com/rgbvHmj0Yr

— Councillor Rowan Battley (@CllrBattley) October 1, 2022

calzino, Sunday, 2 October 2022 15:47 (six hours ago) link

googling "bing shropshire" brings up this tweet and nothing else that isn't just accidentally in the search field

mark s, Sunday, 2 October 2022 15:51 (six hours ago) link

too real for gs

calzino, Sunday, 2 October 2022 15:52 (six hours ago) link

it reminds of the real mini golf course that used to be in Rectory Park that had an honesty box and cans of pop on sale for 50p for when there was nobody there, god knows how that worked. The council stopped maintaining it 10 years ago and it's overgrown and strewn with dogshit now.

calzino, Sunday, 2 October 2022 16:12 (six hours ago) link

wow, sudden vivid flashback to the putting green at Pleck Park when i was little

saigo no ice cream (Noodle Vague), Sunday, 2 October 2022 16:55 (five hours ago) link

The Jug of Tea place has been a staple of UK Martin Parr type Instagrammers and pre-Instagram bloggers and for about 20 years. I think the price was 99p when I first saw it.

fetter, Sunday, 2 October 2022 19:07 (three hours ago) link


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