Real England

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where is it and what does it look like

Nigel Farage is a fucking hero (nakhchivan), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:12 (nine years ago) link

Raymond Williams says somewhere that most people who live in it live in quite small towns, but there is next to no significant literature about same.

Of course he was writing before Midsomer Murders aired.

http://i1.trekearth.com/photos/64476/dscf1947scrsfr.jpg

^^^wiltshire apparently (i'm not sure i know where wiltshire actually is) < /the lex >

mark s, Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:16 (nine years ago) link

i don't know how the demographics break down now but i wd say that a significant majority at least want to live in quite small towns. also i suspect quite small towns are increasingly really dissipated cities.

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:19 (nine years ago) link

Anyone bothered with Paul Kingsnorth's book on this very subject?

Lars and the Lulu Girl (NickB), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:21 (nine years ago) link

but y'knaa this whole problematic word "Real" - is this intended sarcastically, like is this thread about "what are the sort of people who use the phrase 'Real England' talking about?" or are we positing a defining core of Englishness that has history and still survives however tenuous?

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:21 (nine years ago) link

i think it would be facetious to pretend the issue can be approached entirely unfacetiously

Nigel Farage is a fucking hero (nakhchivan), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:22 (nine years ago) link

i was not aware of paul kingsnorth but now i see he has written a book called real england colon something else, i would guess it isn't the only book/treatise/pamphlet with similar title

Nigel Farage is a fucking hero (nakhchivan), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:23 (nine years ago) link

work filter has thoughtfully blocked access to my first google search result, some blog with the delightfully making-me-want-to-stab-the-author subtitle "The Battle Against the Bland". i assure you guys if there is a Real England it is not battling against The Bland and that is an excellent virtue in itself.

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:24 (nine years ago) link

oh right, that is the subtitle of Kingsnorth's book. okay then i will probably never read it since i infer from the book's post-colonage that the guy is a big douche.

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:24 (nine years ago) link

the usual English attention to the wrong details

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:25 (nine years ago) link

and some sadness for stuff passing that has not passed or was not what he claims it was before it passed

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:26 (nine years ago) link

is john terry 'real england' dyou suppose

blind pele (darraghmac), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:27 (nine years ago) link

i infer from the book's post-colonage that the guy is a big douche.

― Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:24 (1 minute ago)

h but f, nv, h but f

basically i was looking at the squad list for peterbrough town and noticed ryan tunnicliffe and lee frecklington and thought maybe those names were shibboleths that uttered in a certain way might usher you into the innermost real england

Nigel Farage is a fucking hero (nakhchivan), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:27 (nine years ago) link

http://i.telegraph.co.uk/multimedia/archive/01185/arts-graphics-2008_1185572a.jpg

the city hobgoblin as a good place to start! (of course he said british not english, right, re the wrong detail)

mark s, Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:35 (nine years ago) link

"... heir to an immense fortune, gifted by nature with a mind susceptible of noble cultivation, and a body endowed with admirable physical powers with the wretched drunkard who died in a gaol at the age of thirty-eight, a worn-out debauchee and drivelling sot... " <-- i am this very second ensconced in the village that surnamed this regency rake, tho he mainly lived on the other side of shrewsbury

mark s, Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:41 (nine years ago) link

nigel farage isn't real btw, he speaks for only his own constituency, which is seldom more than symbolic

is there a real england that is incapable of any sort of assimilation into colonned literature? a planar england that resists signification or commodification by interlopers from other englands

Nigel Farage is a fucking hero (nakhchivan), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:43 (nine years ago) link

south dublin iirc

blind pele (darraghmac), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:44 (nine years ago) link

leatherhead is a promotory over a large and brackish inland sea that is never spoken of

mark s, Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:45 (nine years ago) link

beneath the leylines, the true underground

mark s, Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:46 (nine years ago) link

"Winter, 1981: the headless, skinned bodies of two bears are found by the River Lea."

mark s, Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:51 (nine years ago) link

real england is all mates and and blood sausage and big bottomed birds reading thew newsie-wewsies

max, Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:57 (nine years ago) link

nah it's hedgerows and birds and complete lack of public services

blind pele (darraghmac), Thursday, 3 November 2011 14:08 (nine years ago) link

Oh it's all about the public services nowadays; a bus to take you into town so you can spend all night trawling the happy hour bars, a streetcleaner to mop up your vomit from the pavement, a policeman to give you a place to spend the night. No-one needed public services when an evening's entertainment consisted of watching the sun set over a russet autumnal hedgerow, lulled into a reverie by the carefree birdsong.

ceci n'est pas un nom d'affichage (ledge), Thursday, 3 November 2011 14:17 (nine years ago) link

http://www.photohistory-sussex.co.uk/UckFrisbyPiltdown03.jpg

mark s, Thursday, 3 November 2011 14:19 (nine years ago) link

"Searching for the Putdown Man"

ceci n'est pas un nom d'affichage (ledge), Thursday, 3 November 2011 14:21 (nine years ago) link

is there a real england that is incapable of any sort of assimilation into colonned literature? a planar england that resists signification or commodification by interlopers from other englands

Interesting question which I wish I could answer.

Ned Trifle X, Thursday, 3 November 2011 14:29 (nine years ago) link

I don't know if I would like that England even.

Ned Trifle X, Thursday, 3 November 2011 14:29 (nine years ago) link

is there a culture that can't be commodified? and i have to be v. v. careful not to paint my cultures, or the cultures i've drifted along the fringes of, as the only real England. the problem is that the word is usually only spoken out loud by a certain kind of cultural capitalist, whose vision of it is just as tangential as mine. bullshit about fair play and honest toil and love of the land that i'd counter with a nation of sneak thiefs, factionalists and urban wastrels. the contestedness is always part of the Reality of the nation, any nation really.

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:39 (nine years ago) link

for every sleepy Sunday C of E-attending agnostic Tory there's an apocalypse-welcoming hair-splitting anabaptist

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:41 (nine years ago) link

Everywhere north of Enfield is basically a wasteland isn't it? Brrrr... Nothing there. Just a man collecting lumps of mud and putting them into a cloth bag.

Glo-Vember (dog latin), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:42 (nine years ago) link

yeah but the determination of that which is essential need not be a question of mere majorities

blind pele (darraghmac), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:43 (nine years ago) link

everybody shd read The Uses of Literacy to see how you can constructively get this wrong in a way that doesn't just mourn real heritage centres. obv Williams and E.P. Thompson and Stuart Hall too

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:43 (nine years ago) link

the determination of that which is essential need not be a question of mere majorities

quite so, how about the British Isles then as a dumping ground/refugee camp/Wild West for Europe and parts south-east, over millenia, fuelling endless negotiation and conflict over territory, and that is the quicksand underneath Real England that we think of as bedrock?

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:46 (nine years ago) link

look mate there's no need to get fucking personal, alright

blind pele (darraghmac), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:49 (nine years ago) link

btw if i was gonna put forward one Real England it wd be old photographs of works sports teams or outings or other ceremonial jollies

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:49 (nine years ago) link

it would be the commie permawheezing mustachioed drunk one in tinker tailor, tho no doubt they'd have you b'leev it's smiley or haydon

blind pele (darraghmac), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:52 (nine years ago) link

wait haydon was the commie?

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:54 (nine years ago) link

SPOILERS

nah think he was the aesthete on a protest against the yanks more than anything else, wasn't the dude ciaran hinds played proper lefty in stated methods tho

blind pele (darraghmac), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:56 (nine years ago) link

the sparking point of Real England is where the plummy port-swilling foxhunter runs up against the chippy millenarian work-dodger and we drink each others' health and promise ourselves deep down that one day our kind will crush theirs

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:57 (nine years ago) link

the phoenicians sailed up round to albion to trade tin for spice before the romans had even got out of bed, and if they weren't trading with aboriginal pre-celt and pre-pict inhabitants, then it was certainly aboriginal+1: an island of proto-druid shopkeepers since time immaterial

stonehenge is actually a kind of cashpoint machine

mark s, Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:58 (nine years ago) link

xp

oh, Roy Bland. yeah Bland is the angry Puritan I've been talking about, defending his country so's his people can crush the effete Squire class one day

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:59 (nine years ago) link

but mark, who's to say the aborigines hadn't hopped off the boat from Boulogne just ahead of the celts themselves and so on and so forth??

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 16:00 (nine years ago) link

irish close to turks dna-wise iirc

blind pele (darraghmac), Thursday, 3 November 2011 16:03 (nine years ago) link

i think that's exactly what mark is saying, tbf

blind pele (darraghmac), Thursday, 3 November 2011 16:04 (nine years ago) link

Of all the Tribe of Tegumai
Who cut that figure, none remain
On Merrow Down the cuckoos cry
The silence and the sun remain

xp he's called smiley, he has to be of outlander extraction

mark s, Thursday, 3 November 2011 16:13 (nine years ago) link

^ I wasn't at that FAP

R. Stornoway (Tom D.), Thursday, 3 November 2011 16:34 (nine years ago) link

clun forest all-mercian jug band champions, tractor runs on wattle and daub

mark s, Thursday, 3 November 2011 16:34 (nine years ago) link

never get away with haircuts like that up in the Danelaw

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 16:36 (nine years ago) link

Lol at Twitter reaction to a normal satirical letter of the sort that for decades many uk mags would regularly publish.

everything, Tuesday, 29 June 2021 03:01 (two months ago) link

Our lucky mascot and future king 😍🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿 pic.twitter.com/b04yxIsDwL

— Sophie Corcoran (@sophielouisecc) June 29, 2021

The responses to this are equal parts "He is a LITTLE GENTLEMAN" and "Why isn't he wearing an England shirt?" and honestly escalating that rift to open bloody warfare might be the only hope for the country.

Andrew Farrell, Thursday, 1 July 2021 10:33 (two months ago) link

oh god it's that sixth form tory twitter girl

A viking of frowns, (Camaraderie at Arms Length), Thursday, 1 July 2021 10:35 (two months ago) link

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/E5TZpRHX0AsWI14?format=jpg

I hope the non englanders won't mind will be gravely offended by being included here.

graphic design is their passion

nashwan, Sunday, 4 July 2021 11:19 (two months ago) link

And we're supposed to be upset that the government wants to privatize this?

Are Animated Dads Getting Hotter? (Tom D.), Sunday, 4 July 2021 11:20 (two months ago) link

hugely impressed at The Snuts choosing a band name that encapsulates their image so nearly

Southgate Serves Imperialism (Noodle Vague), Sunday, 4 July 2021 11:27 (two months ago) link

The Snuts were in an advert fairly recently and I hated them so much I had to find out who they were. I guess that's an active response to marketing, so in a way it maybe worked, sort of?

emil.y, Sunday, 4 July 2021 15:35 (two months ago) link

They were interviewed and were saying they were from Whitburn, "halfway between Glasgow and Edinburgh" - er, I don't think so, not with that accent, you belong to the East Coast, boys.

Are Animated Dads Getting Hotter? (Tom D.), Sunday, 4 July 2021 15:53 (two months ago) link

I've not heard of any of them apart from Boab. I'm looking forward to his Tenement Kid book getting reviewed on ilx.

MoMsnet (calzino), Sunday, 4 July 2021 16:08 (two months ago) link

Dear customer,

In light of our nation’s recent success in the Euros 2021 and our confidence that we will make the final for the first time in 55 years, we have taken the decision to alter our deliveries next week.

If you normally receive a Monday delivery then you will receive that delivery on Thursday 8th instead of the 12th. If you require to make any changes then can you please make them by 9am on Wednesday.

This one off alteration to your delivery schedule will allow our staff Sunday 11th off to enjoy the celebrations.

Best wishes, McQueens Dairies

if their eggs weren't so good I'd be cancelling these cunts.

MoMsnet (calzino), Tuesday, 6 July 2021 20:30 (two months ago) link

WTF? They're a Scottish firm aren't they?

Wouldn't disgrace a Michael Jackson (Tom D.), Tuesday, 6 July 2021 20:35 (two months ago) link

When I got phoned from their call centre and they were trying to sell me orange juice as well it was a Scottish guy so you might be right.

MoMsnet (calzino), Tuesday, 6 July 2021 21:03 (two months ago) link

Still, tell 'em any old shite to make sure you hold on to their custom.

Wouldn't disgrace a Michael Jackson (Tom D.), Tuesday, 6 July 2021 21:10 (two months ago) link

when England get pasted I want my milk and eggs on time, this is so fucking unprofessional.

MoMsnet (calzino), Tuesday, 6 July 2021 21:15 (two months ago) link

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/E5thtDAWQAcE9Et?format=jpg&name=900x900

soref, Wednesday, 7 July 2021 17:58 (two months ago) link

need to save all these so the next time somebody says these dudes don't exist i'll have the evidence

Southgate Serves Imperialism (Noodle Vague), Wednesday, 7 July 2021 18:10 (two months ago) link

the rate my takeaway guy on youtube is real england done well

《Myst1kOblivi0n》 (jim in vancouver), Wednesday, 7 July 2021 18:48 (two months ago) link

the following scenes are distressing and should not be viewed by anyone

🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿 WELCOME TO ENGLAND. 😂 pic.twitter.com/fC4mD6PIwv

— The Sportsman (@TheSportsman) July 7, 2021

A viking of frowns, (Camaraderie at Arms Length), Thursday, 8 July 2021 12:19 (two months ago) link

NEW: @ipsosmori polling for The Economist shows some Brits support anti-covid restrictions *permanently*, regardless of covid risk. Inc:

- 19% for nighttime curfews
- 26% for closing casinos and clubs
- 35% for travel quarantine
- 40% for maskshttps://t.co/bcYpSbCFNB pic.twitter.com/I7K3fEn2YC

— Matthew Holehouse (@mattholehouse) July 8, 2021

koogs, Wednesday, 14 July 2021 19:19 (two months ago) link

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yFADVoiHDzw

boxedjoy, Saturday, 17 July 2021 13:44 (two months ago) link

https://www.expressandstar.com/news/uk-news/2021/07/23/couple-devastated-after-life-sized-laurel-and-hardy-statues-stolen/

“If he wasn’t in hospital, he’d be out there looking for them."

Wouldn't disgrace a Michael Jackson (Tom D.), Sunday, 25 July 2021 11:04 (one month ago) link

put them back together or else pic.twitter.com/fd1qS4XxU6

— Rob N Roll (@thegallowboob) July 25, 2021

Portsmouth Bubblejet, Sunday, 25 July 2021 19:46 (one month ago) link

these days you get...

calzino, Tuesday, 3 August 2021 07:40 (one month ago) link

Tales of “Ye Olde Egton Bridge Gooseberry Show”.

https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2021/aug/03/yorkshire-gooseberry-competition-returns-with-85-year-old-taking-top-prize

brain (krakow), Wednesday, 4 August 2021 14:41 (one month ago) link

I have numerous questions

the people of dorchester are marching upon us (Matt #2), Monday, 9 August 2021 20:15 (one month ago) link

I think the answer to many of those question is cocaine.

Notes on Scampo (tokyo rosemary), Monday, 9 August 2021 20:21 (one month ago) link

________________
Thamesmead
Set 3
________________
Photography:
This Brutal House
2019 pic.twitter.com/ohnbe2X6Oz

— This Brutal House (@BrutalHouse) August 14, 2021

calzino, Saturday, 14 August 2021 22:12 (one month ago) link

no high-vis no ducks

calzino, Tuesday, 17 August 2021 12:59 (one month ago) link

Needs to be repurposed as a literal album cover, not sure what though.

A viking of frowns, (Camaraderie at Arms Length), Tuesday, 17 August 2021 13:06 (one month ago) link

it's a puddle ffs and not even a particularly deep one.

calzino, Tuesday, 17 August 2021 13:12 (one month ago) link

I like them because when I tap-dance through them it cleans the mud off my boots.

calzino, Tuesday, 17 August 2021 13:13 (one month ago) link

singing in the miserable pissy rain

A viking of frowns, (Camaraderie at Arms Length), Tuesday, 17 August 2021 13:14 (one month ago) link

lmao i visited that thamesmead house two days ago, sadly didn't see that graffiti

imago, Tuesday, 17 August 2021 13:19 (one month ago) link

did you walk through the Woolwich Tunnel to get there? Marvellous tunnel is that. I used to walk through it to .. I can't remember which station but it cut out loads of Northern Line misery on the journey to work and I fucking loved walking through it!

calzino, Tuesday, 17 August 2021 13:38 (one month ago) link

on the same side as thamesmead! was a really excellent circular walk that took in gallions tor, crossness pumping station and marshes, belvedere, lesnes abbey and southmere tho

woolwich tunnel is indeed ace and it took me until this year to get through it. follows the ferry route, nowadays the DLR from woolwich makes the same crossing essentially tho!

imago, Tuesday, 17 August 2021 13:48 (one month ago) link

Dial A Pint. Bolton, 1970s by Don Tonge.

Photo © Don Tonge. pic.twitter.com/EvPnRKTHao

— British Culture Archive (@britcultarchive) August 17, 2021

koogs, Tuesday, 17 August 2021 15:20 (one month ago) link

Seen in the church next to Whitby Abbey pic.twitter.com/2GeBTWRcOh

— Alice Kelly (@DrAliceKelly) August 29, 2021

calzino, Monday, 30 August 2021 09:31 (three weeks ago) link

lol

"Bobby Gillespie" (ft. Heroin) (Tom D.), Monday, 30 August 2021 09:36 (three weeks ago) link

But of course they would say that

Tracer Hand, Monday, 30 August 2021 09:41 (three weeks ago) link

Signed R.M. Renfield.

"Bobby Gillespie" (ft. Heroin) (Tom D.), Monday, 30 August 2021 09:50 (three weeks ago) link

two weeks pass...

pic.twitter.com/kNjL22OIzn

— pictures of the end (@neighbours_wifi) September 14, 2021

edited to reflect developments which occurred (Camaraderie at Arms Length), Tuesday, 14 September 2021 23:22 (six days ago) link

I love dead time-machine shops. It's a sometimes very good account but if they want real pictures-of-the-end they should check out Guardhouse estate in Keighley.

calzino, Wednesday, 15 September 2021 00:12 (five days ago) link

I've copped off with her

cheesons to be rearful (Noodle Vague), Friday, 17 September 2021 20:39 (three days ago) link

the type of story that would be considered not very newsworthy in Hebden Bridge

calzino, Friday, 17 September 2021 20:47 (three days ago) link


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