Real England

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where is it and what does it look like

Nigel Farage is a fucking hero (nakhchivan), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:12 (six years ago) Permalink

Raymond Williams says somewhere that most people who live in it live in quite small towns, but there is next to no significant literature about same.

Of course he was writing before Midsomer Murders aired.

http://i1.trekearth.com/photos/64476/dscf1947scrsfr.jpg

^^^wiltshire apparently (i'm not sure i know where wiltshire actually is) < /the lex >

mark s, Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:16 (six years ago) Permalink

i don't know how the demographics break down now but i wd say that a significant majority at least want to live in quite small towns. also i suspect quite small towns are increasingly really dissipated cities.

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:19 (six years ago) Permalink

Anyone bothered with Paul Kingsnorth's book on this very subject?

Lars and the Lulu Girl (NickB), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:21 (six years ago) Permalink

but y'knaa this whole problematic word "Real" - is this intended sarcastically, like is this thread about "what are the sort of people who use the phrase 'Real England' talking about?" or are we positing a defining core of Englishness that has history and still survives however tenuous?

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:21 (six years ago) Permalink

i think it would be facetious to pretend the issue can be approached entirely unfacetiously

Nigel Farage is a fucking hero (nakhchivan), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:22 (six years ago) Permalink

i was not aware of paul kingsnorth but now i see he has written a book called real england colon something else, i would guess it isn't the only book/treatise/pamphlet with similar title

Nigel Farage is a fucking hero (nakhchivan), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:23 (six years ago) Permalink

work filter has thoughtfully blocked access to my first google search result, some blog with the delightfully making-me-want-to-stab-the-author subtitle "The Battle Against the Bland". i assure you guys if there is a Real England it is not battling against The Bland and that is an excellent virtue in itself.

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:24 (six years ago) Permalink

oh right, that is the subtitle of Kingsnorth's book. okay then i will probably never read it since i infer from the book's post-colonage that the guy is a big douche.

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:24 (six years ago) Permalink

the usual English attention to the wrong details

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:25 (six years ago) Permalink

and some sadness for stuff passing that has not passed or was not what he claims it was before it passed

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:26 (six years ago) Permalink

is john terry 'real england' dyou suppose

blind pele (darraghmac), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:27 (six years ago) Permalink

i infer from the book's post-colonage that the guy is a big douche.

― Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:24 (1 minute ago)

h but f, nv, h but f

basically i was looking at the squad list for peterbrough town and noticed ryan tunnicliffe and lee frecklington and thought maybe those names were shibboleths that uttered in a certain way might usher you into the innermost real england

Nigel Farage is a fucking hero (nakhchivan), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:27 (six years ago) Permalink

http://i.telegraph.co.uk/multimedia/archive/01185/arts-graphics-2008_1185572a.jpg

the city hobgoblin as a good place to start! (of course he said british not english, right, re the wrong detail)

mark s, Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:35 (six years ago) Permalink

"... heir to an immense fortune, gifted by nature with a mind susceptible of noble cultivation, and a body endowed with admirable physical powers with the wretched drunkard who died in a gaol at the age of thirty-eight, a worn-out debauchee and drivelling sot... " <-- i am this very second ensconced in the village that surnamed this regency rake, tho he mainly lived on the other side of shrewsbury

mark s, Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:41 (six years ago) Permalink

nigel farage isn't real btw, he speaks for only his own constituency, which is seldom more than symbolic

is there a real england that is incapable of any sort of assimilation into colonned literature? a planar england that resists signification or commodification by interlopers from other englands

Nigel Farage is a fucking hero (nakhchivan), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:43 (six years ago) Permalink

south dublin iirc

blind pele (darraghmac), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:44 (six years ago) Permalink

leatherhead is a promotory over a large and brackish inland sea that is never spoken of

mark s, Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:45 (six years ago) Permalink

beneath the leylines, the true underground

mark s, Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:46 (six years ago) Permalink

"Winter, 1981: the headless, skinned bodies of two bears are found by the River Lea."

mark s, Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:51 (six years ago) Permalink

real england is all mates and and blood sausage and big bottomed birds reading thew newsie-wewsies

max, Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:57 (six years ago) Permalink

nah it's hedgerows and birds and complete lack of public services

blind pele (darraghmac), Thursday, 3 November 2011 14:08 (six years ago) Permalink

Oh it's all about the public services nowadays; a bus to take you into town so you can spend all night trawling the happy hour bars, a streetcleaner to mop up your vomit from the pavement, a policeman to give you a place to spend the night. No-one needed public services when an evening's entertainment consisted of watching the sun set over a russet autumnal hedgerow, lulled into a reverie by the carefree birdsong.

ceci n'est pas un nom d'affichage (ledge), Thursday, 3 November 2011 14:17 (six years ago) Permalink

http://www.photohistory-sussex.co.uk/UckFrisbyPiltdown03.jpg

mark s, Thursday, 3 November 2011 14:19 (six years ago) Permalink

"Searching for the Putdown Man"

ceci n'est pas un nom d'affichage (ledge), Thursday, 3 November 2011 14:21 (six years ago) Permalink

is there a real england that is incapable of any sort of assimilation into colonned literature? a planar england that resists signification or commodification by interlopers from other englands

Interesting question which I wish I could answer.

Ned Trifle X, Thursday, 3 November 2011 14:29 (six years ago) Permalink

I don't know if I would like that England even.

Ned Trifle X, Thursday, 3 November 2011 14:29 (six years ago) Permalink

is there a culture that can't be commodified? and i have to be v. v. careful not to paint my cultures, or the cultures i've drifted along the fringes of, as the only real England. the problem is that the word is usually only spoken out loud by a certain kind of cultural capitalist, whose vision of it is just as tangential as mine. bullshit about fair play and honest toil and love of the land that i'd counter with a nation of sneak thiefs, factionalists and urban wastrels. the contestedness is always part of the Reality of the nation, any nation really.

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:39 (six years ago) Permalink

for every sleepy Sunday C of E-attending agnostic Tory there's an apocalypse-welcoming hair-splitting anabaptist

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:41 (six years ago) Permalink

Everywhere north of Enfield is basically a wasteland isn't it? Brrrr... Nothing there. Just a man collecting lumps of mud and putting them into a cloth bag.

Glo-Vember (dog latin), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:42 (six years ago) Permalink

yeah but the determination of that which is essential need not be a question of mere majorities

blind pele (darraghmac), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:43 (six years ago) Permalink

everybody shd read The Uses of Literacy to see how you can constructively get this wrong in a way that doesn't just mourn real heritage centres. obv Williams and E.P. Thompson and Stuart Hall too

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:43 (six years ago) Permalink

the determination of that which is essential need not be a question of mere majorities

quite so, how about the British Isles then as a dumping ground/refugee camp/Wild West for Europe and parts south-east, over millenia, fuelling endless negotiation and conflict over territory, and that is the quicksand underneath Real England that we think of as bedrock?

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:46 (six years ago) Permalink

look mate there's no need to get fucking personal, alright

blind pele (darraghmac), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:49 (six years ago) Permalink

btw if i was gonna put forward one Real England it wd be old photographs of works sports teams or outings or other ceremonial jollies

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:49 (six years ago) Permalink

it would be the commie permawheezing mustachioed drunk one in tinker tailor, tho no doubt they'd have you b'leev it's smiley or haydon

blind pele (darraghmac), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:52 (six years ago) Permalink

wait haydon was the commie?

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:54 (six years ago) Permalink

SPOILERS

nah think he was the aesthete on a protest against the yanks more than anything else, wasn't the dude ciaran hinds played proper lefty in stated methods tho

blind pele (darraghmac), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:56 (six years ago) Permalink

the sparking point of Real England is where the plummy port-swilling foxhunter runs up against the chippy millenarian work-dodger and we drink each others' health and promise ourselves deep down that one day our kind will crush theirs

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:57 (six years ago) Permalink

the phoenicians sailed up round to albion to trade tin for spice before the romans had even got out of bed, and if they weren't trading with aboriginal pre-celt and pre-pict inhabitants, then it was certainly aboriginal+1: an island of proto-druid shopkeepers since time immaterial

stonehenge is actually a kind of cashpoint machine

mark s, Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:58 (six years ago) Permalink

xp

oh, Roy Bland. yeah Bland is the angry Puritan I've been talking about, defending his country so's his people can crush the effete Squire class one day

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:59 (six years ago) Permalink

but mark, who's to say the aborigines hadn't hopped off the boat from Boulogne just ahead of the celts themselves and so on and so forth??

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 16:00 (six years ago) Permalink

irish close to turks dna-wise iirc

blind pele (darraghmac), Thursday, 3 November 2011 16:03 (six years ago) Permalink

i think that's exactly what mark is saying, tbf

blind pele (darraghmac), Thursday, 3 November 2011 16:04 (six years ago) Permalink

Of all the Tribe of Tegumai
Who cut that figure, none remain
On Merrow Down the cuckoos cry
The silence and the sun remain

xp he's called smiley, he has to be of outlander extraction

mark s, Thursday, 3 November 2011 16:13 (six years ago) Permalink

^ I wasn't at that FAP

R. Stornoway (Tom D.), Thursday, 3 November 2011 16:34 (six years ago) Permalink

clun forest all-mercian jug band champions, tractor runs on wattle and daub

mark s, Thursday, 3 November 2011 16:34 (six years ago) Permalink

never get away with haircuts like that up in the Danelaw

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 16:36 (six years ago) Permalink

that's not true, they leech money from the state and keep hundreds of worthless muckracking journalists in employment xp

martin short's interiors (bizarro gazzara), Thursday, 17 May 2018 09:59 (two months ago) Permalink

Thing is, strip out the weirdoes and the tourists and the crowds at these royal events are never exactly impressive, despite the supposed obeisance of the GBP.

Poisoned by Johan's pea soup. (Tom D.), Thursday, 17 May 2018 10:18 (two months ago) Permalink

https://www.devonlive.com/news/devon-news/woman-who-killed-rat-cricket-1577947

(mainly for the pictures)

koogs, Friday, 18 May 2018 20:42 (two months ago) Permalink

https://farm1.staticflickr.com/911/27334289907_79e5a19bb8_h.jpg

"This is what we do around here now"- is this a sedentary practice invented by Sidmouth youth or is it a new fashion that's passed me by?

Tim, Saturday, 19 May 2018 07:36 (two months ago) Permalink

I love local papers.

Tim, Saturday, 19 May 2018 07:37 (two months ago) Permalink

"Easy, Devin!"

imago, Saturday, 19 May 2018 08:00 (two months ago) Permalink

you used to be able to kick a kid in the street

i am fast and full of teeth. i willl die in a barn fire (bizarro gazzara), Saturday, 19 May 2018 08:56 (two months ago) Permalink

What could be more quintessentially Real England than walking down the street and having kids shout random shit at you? I was walking down the high street just now, two 14 year old lads went past me on bicycles, and as they passed one of them shouted "EURGH I WATCH GAY PORN!!!". I guess they were trying to insult me or intimidate me, but I cracked up laughing.

2018 has to be better (snoball), Sunday, 20 May 2018 13:08 (two months ago) Permalink

I was out with my son on a scooter ride the other day, and a young 'un from a gang of teenagers congregating outside the takeaway shouted: "Nice wheels, dickhead!". But I guess I am getting a bit old for playing out on scooters and took it in good humour!

calzino, Sunday, 20 May 2018 13:24 (two months ago) Permalink

Got called a paedo in Runcorn a coupke years back by a couple of kids on bikes. I was like you wish lads but they didn't hear my sparkling repartee :-(

Spiderman pointing at himself.img (Bananaman Begins), Sunday, 20 May 2018 14:11 (two months ago) Permalink

you can't beat a bit of paedo humour, but sometimes you have to tread a bit carefully!

calzino, Sunday, 20 May 2018 14:29 (two months ago) Permalink

We're celebrating British Sandwich Week and we're starting out with something exotic. Check out this SPAM® Katsu Sandwich. The recipe can be found here https://goo.gl/B8W5n8

right brain ringworm (Noodle Vague), Sunday, 20 May 2018 15:57 (two months ago) Permalink

1 tablespoon okonomiyaki sauce (or just mix some Worcestershire sauce with some mayonnaise)

2018 has to be better (snoball), Sunday, 20 May 2018 16:01 (two months ago) Permalink

don't get me wrong if somebody else made this for me i'd still eat it

right brain ringworm (Noodle Vague), Sunday, 20 May 2018 16:02 (two months ago) Permalink

Spam is a thing people voluntarily eat in Japan Korea Hawaii etc. I see it on menus here in California.

𝔠𝔞𝔢𝔨 (caek), Sunday, 20 May 2018 16:17 (two months ago) Permalink

i guess its no different from british people using salad cream?

jamiesummerz, Tuesday, 22 May 2018 09:33 (one month ago) Permalink

cutting the crust off of white bread- extremely pussified

Spiderman pointing at himself.img (Bananaman Begins), Tuesday, 22 May 2018 09:41 (one month ago) Permalink

Almost said 'soy', but not today satan

Spiderman pointing at himself.img (Bananaman Begins), Tuesday, 22 May 2018 09:41 (one month ago) Permalink

"While this is undeniably funny, they also could have caused a very serious accident", said one Facebook user, who thanked the police for intervening

Karius whisper (Noodle Vague), Tuesday, 29 May 2018 13:58 (one month ago) Permalink

Realness is so fickle. A golf buggy is in no way Real, but at the moment of theft it begins to assume a patina of realitude. By the time it reaches the McDonalds drive-thru it is wholly made of Real.

Tim, Tuesday, 29 May 2018 16:17 (one month ago) Permalink

World Cup window display at the undertakers. pic.twitter.com/k0sPojtfdo

— Ray Newman (@MrRayNewman) June 8, 2018

𝔠𝔞𝔢𝔨 (caek), Sunday, 10 June 2018 10:32 (one month ago) Permalink

On his 97th birthday here's some garden art of Prince Philip and (I think) Colonel Gadaffi. pic.twitter.com/BoTIjd6dbj

— Balderdash (@notDcfcBoss) June 10, 2018

calzino, Sunday, 10 June 2018 10:41 (one month ago) Permalink

holy shit

CARL MARKS PRINCIPAL INVESTING AND ADVISORY SERVICES (bizarro gazzara), Sunday, 10 June 2018 11:03 (one month ago) Permalink

lol it’s like happy days crossed with what’s the scariest gigantic statue

Fizzles, Sunday, 10 June 2018 15:01 (one month ago) Permalink

bellissimo

ogmor, Sunday, 10 June 2018 16:18 (one month ago) Permalink

https://pbs.twimg.com/card_img/1010146669302870016/FBOi1kKS?format=jpg&name=800x419

A prestigious private girls’ school has faced strong criticism after holding an “austerity day” where students dined on baked potatoes, beans and coleslaw.

St Paul’s Girls’ School in west London was accused of being “tone deaf” after it tweeted about the charity fundraiser which saw staff and students eating “simple food” in place of the fare they are normally served.

It said money saved on dinners at the £24,000-a-year school – whose former pupils include actors Rachel Weisz and Natasha Richardson – would go towards the school’s charities.

calzino, Friday, 22 June 2018 21:32 (four weeks ago) Permalink

Really fancy a baked potato now

Kostic negotiator (Noodle Vague), Friday, 22 June 2018 21:43 (four weeks ago) Permalink

Tato, beans, butter, blue cheese, feast fit for a private schoolgirl that

Kostic negotiator (Noodle Vague), Friday, 22 June 2018 22:00 (four weeks ago) Permalink

behold the drab potatoes of austerity

I'd Rather Kecak (NickB), Friday, 22 June 2018 22:01 (four weeks ago) Permalink

Bombay Potatoes would be at least equal or cheaper to make than jackets with beans and cheese, but that wouldn't be austerity!

calzino, Friday, 22 June 2018 22:05 (four weeks ago) Permalink

Look you're not helping my supper cravings here calz

Kostic negotiator (Noodle Vague), Friday, 22 June 2018 22:06 (four weeks ago) Permalink

I've just killed a 250g bag of roasted monkey nuts, so moreish!

calzino, Friday, 22 June 2018 22:09 (four weeks ago) Permalink

Got a total potato craving, haven't really been hungry for a week and I'm fairly hungover today but I want some full fat carbs

Kostic negotiator (Noodle Vague), Friday, 22 June 2018 22:12 (four weeks ago) Permalink

I did some slow-cooked pork chops in honey, garlic and onion gravy with mashed potatoes (with butter + double cream) earlier, it was pretty fucking good tbh!

calzino, Friday, 22 June 2018 22:15 (four weeks ago) Permalink

Never thought of slow cooking pork chops, normally grill/fry them hot and fast. How long d'you give them?

Kostic negotiator (Noodle Vague), Friday, 22 June 2018 22:17 (four weeks ago) Permalink

I haven’t had carbs for like six weeks and suddenly today I’m hoofing down oxtail stew and coconut rice chased by half a bag of stroopwafels.

suzy, Friday, 22 June 2018 22:19 (four weeks ago) Permalink

I've got everything I need for rice and peas tbh, that might do as a substitute

Kostic negotiator (Noodle Vague), Friday, 22 June 2018 22:21 (four weeks ago) Permalink

Made the oxtail with short rib instead, totally recommend.

suzy, Friday, 22 June 2018 22:22 (four weeks ago) Permalink

xxxp
about 2 1/2 hours in veg stock, honey, garlic, red wine vinegar (the recipe specified rice vinegar, but I'm a maverick) at gas mark 2, and turning occasionally is what I did and it was pretty good.

calzino, Friday, 22 June 2018 22:22 (four weeks ago) Permalink

Pork chops are one of those meats where the margin between lush and inedible is pretty tight

Kostic negotiator (Noodle Vague), Friday, 22 June 2018 22:23 (four weeks ago) Permalink

getting a digital meat thermometer changed my life in this area iirc

illegal economic migration (Tracer Hand), Friday, 22 June 2018 22:28 (four weeks ago) Permalink

The Chinese seem to have mastered the lush side of pork, i'm way dodgy with it and probably why I'm still trying different ways of cooking it all the time. My attempts at recreating Chinese takeaway style pork dishes have been bad to absolute inedible tbh.

calzino, Friday, 22 June 2018 22:31 (four weeks ago) Permalink

two weeks pass...

corvids4eva

there’s gonna be a hot time in the ol’ tub machine tonight (bizarro gazzara), Wednesday, 11 July 2018 14:41 (one week ago) Permalink

Corvidista ^^^

he's one of our pwn (Noodle Vague), Wednesday, 11 July 2018 15:41 (one week ago) Permalink

oooohhh, knaresborough corvid

ogmor, Wednesday, 11 July 2018 16:04 (one week ago) Permalink

Might be a good week for Real England pictures...

Leaghaidh am brón an t-anam bochd (dowd), Wednesday, 11 July 2018 17:06 (one week ago) Permalink

Genuinely chilling, proper ‘banality of evil’ stuff

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/av/uk-england-suffolk-44859082/ex-ukip-councillor-made-999-call-after-murdering-wife

piscesx, Tuesday, 17 July 2018 23:22 (three days ago) Permalink


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