Real England

Message Bookmarked
Bookmark Removed

where is it and what does it look like

Nigel Farage is a fucking hero (nakhchivan), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:12 (six years ago) Permalink

Raymond Williams says somewhere that most people who live in it live in quite small towns, but there is next to no significant literature about same.

Of course he was writing before Midsomer Murders aired.

http://i1.trekearth.com/photos/64476/dscf1947scrsfr.jpg

^^^wiltshire apparently (i'm not sure i know where wiltshire actually is) < /the lex >

mark s, Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:16 (six years ago) Permalink

i don't know how the demographics break down now but i wd say that a significant majority at least want to live in quite small towns. also i suspect quite small towns are increasingly really dissipated cities.

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:19 (six years ago) Permalink

Anyone bothered with Paul Kingsnorth's book on this very subject?

Lars and the Lulu Girl (NickB), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:21 (six years ago) Permalink

but y'knaa this whole problematic word "Real" - is this intended sarcastically, like is this thread about "what are the sort of people who use the phrase 'Real England' talking about?" or are we positing a defining core of Englishness that has history and still survives however tenuous?

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:21 (six years ago) Permalink

i think it would be facetious to pretend the issue can be approached entirely unfacetiously

Nigel Farage is a fucking hero (nakhchivan), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:22 (six years ago) Permalink

i was not aware of paul kingsnorth but now i see he has written a book called real england colon something else, i would guess it isn't the only book/treatise/pamphlet with similar title

Nigel Farage is a fucking hero (nakhchivan), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:23 (six years ago) Permalink

work filter has thoughtfully blocked access to my first google search result, some blog with the delightfully making-me-want-to-stab-the-author subtitle "The Battle Against the Bland". i assure you guys if there is a Real England it is not battling against The Bland and that is an excellent virtue in itself.

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:24 (six years ago) Permalink

oh right, that is the subtitle of Kingsnorth's book. okay then i will probably never read it since i infer from the book's post-colonage that the guy is a big douche.

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:24 (six years ago) Permalink

the usual English attention to the wrong details

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:25 (six years ago) Permalink

and some sadness for stuff passing that has not passed or was not what he claims it was before it passed

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:26 (six years ago) Permalink

is john terry 'real england' dyou suppose

blind pele (darraghmac), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:27 (six years ago) Permalink

i infer from the book's post-colonage that the guy is a big douche.

― Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:24 (1 minute ago)

h but f, nv, h but f

basically i was looking at the squad list for peterbrough town and noticed ryan tunnicliffe and lee frecklington and thought maybe those names were shibboleths that uttered in a certain way might usher you into the innermost real england

Nigel Farage is a fucking hero (nakhchivan), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:27 (six years ago) Permalink

http://i.telegraph.co.uk/multimedia/archive/01185/arts-graphics-2008_1185572a.jpg

the city hobgoblin as a good place to start! (of course he said british not english, right, re the wrong detail)

mark s, Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:35 (six years ago) Permalink

"... heir to an immense fortune, gifted by nature with a mind susceptible of noble cultivation, and a body endowed with admirable physical powers with the wretched drunkard who died in a gaol at the age of thirty-eight, a worn-out debauchee and drivelling sot... " <-- i am this very second ensconced in the village that surnamed this regency rake, tho he mainly lived on the other side of shrewsbury

mark s, Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:41 (six years ago) Permalink

nigel farage isn't real btw, he speaks for only his own constituency, which is seldom more than symbolic

is there a real england that is incapable of any sort of assimilation into colonned literature? a planar england that resists signification or commodification by interlopers from other englands

Nigel Farage is a fucking hero (nakhchivan), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:43 (six years ago) Permalink

south dublin iirc

blind pele (darraghmac), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:44 (six years ago) Permalink

leatherhead is a promotory over a large and brackish inland sea that is never spoken of

mark s, Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:45 (six years ago) Permalink

beneath the leylines, the true underground

mark s, Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:46 (six years ago) Permalink

"Winter, 1981: the headless, skinned bodies of two bears are found by the River Lea."

mark s, Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:51 (six years ago) Permalink

real england is all mates and and blood sausage and big bottomed birds reading thew newsie-wewsies

max, Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:57 (six years ago) Permalink

nah it's hedgerows and birds and complete lack of public services

blind pele (darraghmac), Thursday, 3 November 2011 14:08 (six years ago) Permalink

Oh it's all about the public services nowadays; a bus to take you into town so you can spend all night trawling the happy hour bars, a streetcleaner to mop up your vomit from the pavement, a policeman to give you a place to spend the night. No-one needed public services when an evening's entertainment consisted of watching the sun set over a russet autumnal hedgerow, lulled into a reverie by the carefree birdsong.

ceci n'est pas un nom d'affichage (ledge), Thursday, 3 November 2011 14:17 (six years ago) Permalink

http://www.photohistory-sussex.co.uk/UckFrisbyPiltdown03.jpg

mark s, Thursday, 3 November 2011 14:19 (six years ago) Permalink

"Searching for the Putdown Man"

ceci n'est pas un nom d'affichage (ledge), Thursday, 3 November 2011 14:21 (six years ago) Permalink

is there a real england that is incapable of any sort of assimilation into colonned literature? a planar england that resists signification or commodification by interlopers from other englands

Interesting question which I wish I could answer.

Ned Trifle X, Thursday, 3 November 2011 14:29 (six years ago) Permalink

I don't know if I would like that England even.

Ned Trifle X, Thursday, 3 November 2011 14:29 (six years ago) Permalink

is there a culture that can't be commodified? and i have to be v. v. careful not to paint my cultures, or the cultures i've drifted along the fringes of, as the only real England. the problem is that the word is usually only spoken out loud by a certain kind of cultural capitalist, whose vision of it is just as tangential as mine. bullshit about fair play and honest toil and love of the land that i'd counter with a nation of sneak thiefs, factionalists and urban wastrels. the contestedness is always part of the Reality of the nation, any nation really.

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:39 (six years ago) Permalink

for every sleepy Sunday C of E-attending agnostic Tory there's an apocalypse-welcoming hair-splitting anabaptist

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:41 (six years ago) Permalink

Everywhere north of Enfield is basically a wasteland isn't it? Brrrr... Nothing there. Just a man collecting lumps of mud and putting them into a cloth bag.

Glo-Vember (dog latin), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:42 (six years ago) Permalink

yeah but the determination of that which is essential need not be a question of mere majorities

blind pele (darraghmac), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:43 (six years ago) Permalink

everybody shd read The Uses of Literacy to see how you can constructively get this wrong in a way that doesn't just mourn real heritage centres. obv Williams and E.P. Thompson and Stuart Hall too

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:43 (six years ago) Permalink

the determination of that which is essential need not be a question of mere majorities

quite so, how about the British Isles then as a dumping ground/refugee camp/Wild West for Europe and parts south-east, over millenia, fuelling endless negotiation and conflict over territory, and that is the quicksand underneath Real England that we think of as bedrock?

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:46 (six years ago) Permalink

look mate there's no need to get fucking personal, alright

blind pele (darraghmac), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:49 (six years ago) Permalink

btw if i was gonna put forward one Real England it wd be old photographs of works sports teams or outings or other ceremonial jollies

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:49 (six years ago) Permalink

it would be the commie permawheezing mustachioed drunk one in tinker tailor, tho no doubt they'd have you b'leev it's smiley or haydon

blind pele (darraghmac), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:52 (six years ago) Permalink

wait haydon was the commie?

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:54 (six years ago) Permalink

SPOILERS

nah think he was the aesthete on a protest against the yanks more than anything else, wasn't the dude ciaran hinds played proper lefty in stated methods tho

blind pele (darraghmac), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:56 (six years ago) Permalink

the sparking point of Real England is where the plummy port-swilling foxhunter runs up against the chippy millenarian work-dodger and we drink each others' health and promise ourselves deep down that one day our kind will crush theirs

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:57 (six years ago) Permalink

the phoenicians sailed up round to albion to trade tin for spice before the romans had even got out of bed, and if they weren't trading with aboriginal pre-celt and pre-pict inhabitants, then it was certainly aboriginal+1: an island of proto-druid shopkeepers since time immaterial

stonehenge is actually a kind of cashpoint machine

mark s, Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:58 (six years ago) Permalink

xp

oh, Roy Bland. yeah Bland is the angry Puritan I've been talking about, defending his country so's his people can crush the effete Squire class one day

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:59 (six years ago) Permalink

but mark, who's to say the aborigines hadn't hopped off the boat from Boulogne just ahead of the celts themselves and so on and so forth??

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 16:00 (six years ago) Permalink

irish close to turks dna-wise iirc

blind pele (darraghmac), Thursday, 3 November 2011 16:03 (six years ago) Permalink

i think that's exactly what mark is saying, tbf

blind pele (darraghmac), Thursday, 3 November 2011 16:04 (six years ago) Permalink

Of all the Tribe of Tegumai
Who cut that figure, none remain
On Merrow Down the cuckoos cry
The silence and the sun remain

xp he's called smiley, he has to be of outlander extraction

mark s, Thursday, 3 November 2011 16:13 (six years ago) Permalink

^ I wasn't at that FAP

R. Stornoway (Tom D.), Thursday, 3 November 2011 16:34 (six years ago) Permalink

clun forest all-mercian jug band champions, tractor runs on wattle and daub

mark s, Thursday, 3 November 2011 16:34 (six years ago) Permalink

never get away with haircuts like that up in the Danelaw

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 16:36 (six years ago) Permalink

Came across Antique Roadshow last night. Some guy was showing two medals his great-grandad had received because he had saved 15 horses from drowning in a mine once. He did it alone because all the other miners were on strike. That's p real in itself, but the kicker was the medal expert admiring them and saying (qfm): "They're beautiful because they stand for one of the last true real British things, which is taking care of our animals, don't you think"?

I threw the telly in the garden. P sure I didn't hurt a fox while it landed.

lbi's life of limitless european glamour (Le Bateau Ivre), Monday, 17 September 2018 15:06 (one month ago) Permalink

They closed the show with the stuffed head of the dog that caught the last man to be hanged in Leicester, which was absolutely nightmarish.

Wag1 Shree Rajneesh (ShariVari), Monday, 17 September 2018 15:10 (one month ago) Permalink

IIRC the last true real British thing is being sure to watch Antiques Roadshow on iplayer so you can scroll straight past the boring, endless bits on medals and militaria.

Tim, Monday, 17 September 2018 15:30 (one month ago) Permalink

"this is a fascinating family heirloom, it's a genuine 19th-century bear-baiting muzzle, and we know from a family diary that it was still in use decades after bear-baiting was banned in 1835"

mark s, Monday, 17 September 2018 15:32 (one month ago) Permalink

Came across Antique Roadshow last night. Some guy was showing two medals his great-grandad had received because he had saved 15 horses from drowning in a mine once. He did it alone because all the other miners were on strike

Fucking scab.

Zach Same (Tom D.), Monday, 17 September 2018 15:43 (one month ago) Permalink

Can't deny the head of the dog and the story was some grim viewing. All smiles on my tube though.

lbi's life of limitless european glamour (Le Bateau Ivre), Monday, 17 September 2018 15:45 (one month ago) Permalink

The very state of daytime UK tv these days, I can't decide if that's Real England or not. It's all antique and salvage shows. Stuff in the attic, Antique Road Trip, Antique Road Show, Flog it, Money for Nothing, Salvage Hunters... You can spend your whole day clicking to and fro and be lulled to a coma at the end of the night. How is this opium for the masses?

lbi's life of limitless european glamour (Le Bateau Ivre), Monday, 17 September 2018 15:53 (one month ago) Permalink

There is something wholesome about antiques. Whenever I'm on one of my UK trips I'll look for antique shops and usually get something from one. What you're confounded by is the noxious interface between this wholesomeness and the retreat into daytime television beloved of the Daily Express generation. Add in all these emails and self-service checkouts and whatnot that you get nowadays and it's just good too have some thing to remind you of the god old days!!

imago, Monday, 17 September 2018 16:07 (one month ago) Permalink

Without you know actually getting up and going to an antique dealer's, because fuck modern times right but you secretly love having everything delivered to your doorstep

imago, Monday, 17 September 2018 16:11 (one month ago) Permalink

which is best, emails or the black death

mark s, Monday, 17 September 2018 16:12 (one month ago) Permalink

the black death would be unpleasant but would at least put fleas back on the map

emails are good not bad so they win marginally

imago, Monday, 17 September 2018 16:13 (one month ago) Permalink

Back in my day you'd write perfectly-calligraphed thank you letters to your friends after they'd kicked a ball in the street with you, now I spend all my time buttfucking the libs on Twister

imago, Monday, 17 September 2018 16:15 (one month ago) Permalink

"What you're confounded by is the noxious interface between this wholesomeness and the retreat into daytime television beloved of the Daily Express generation"

Well yeah. I like antique, I like snooping around for it. But by god all those shows with all those terrible, terrible people.* Trying to pretend there exists an England outside of reality, a cardboard England without Brexit and John Terry and Grenfell and the homeless. I get why it's made, I get the desire to watch it, but sheesh the dose is just too strong.

* except Catherine Southon, light of my life, fire of my loins etc

lbi's life of limitless european glamour (Le Bateau Ivre), Monday, 17 September 2018 16:22 (one month ago) Permalink

My mum loves these shows.

Zach Same (Tom D.), Monday, 17 September 2018 16:23 (one month ago) Permalink

A lot of people do. Why though? Is it nostalgia, the portrayal of a parochial care-free England of yore?

lbi's life of limitless european glamour (Le Bateau Ivre), Monday, 17 September 2018 16:28 (one month ago) Permalink

I don't think my mother has much interest in England, to be honest.

Zach Same (Tom D.), Monday, 17 September 2018 16:29 (one month ago) Permalink

the semiology of nostalgia - each antique is a reconstruction of what we have been told we've lost

imago, Monday, 17 September 2018 16:32 (one month ago) Permalink

I hate Antiques Roadshow but I could watch Antiques Road Trip all day long tbh. There's something horribly obsequious about AR, that whole thing with the murmuring public creeping around the grounds of all those fucking stately homes, it's this awful pantomime of arsekissing. Totally get the digging mentality of ART though, it's good to watch people who know their stuff snooping around following their hunches, sometimes fucking up, but not really giving that much of a shit if they do.

I'd Rather Kecak (NickB), Monday, 17 September 2018 16:38 (one month ago) Permalink

ART is by far my fave of the bunch. They could get rid of the competition element altogether and I'd still watch it.

lbi's life of limitless european glamour (Le Bateau Ivre), Monday, 17 September 2018 16:48 (one month ago) Permalink

the antiques shows are a blessed break from the "housing bubbles are mint", "let's make a housing bubble abroad" and "pigs and debt collectors are awesome" shows tbh

every day there's a whining choad (Noodle Vague), Monday, 17 September 2018 19:25 (one month ago) Permalink

oh and "fuck my children's social life I'm moving to Australia to get away from immigrants" shows

every day there's a whining choad (Noodle Vague), Monday, 17 September 2018 19:27 (one month ago) Permalink

There is some wry sport in watching the couples on Escape to the Country explain why they’re moving from large towns or outer London to the shires, obviously using words like ‘crowded’ as cover for xenophobia.

suzy, Monday, 17 September 2018 19:31 (one month ago) Permalink

They bring out my worst knee-jerk class instincts and also their appeal is baffling at best

every day there's a whining choad (Noodle Vague), Monday, 17 September 2018 19:33 (one month ago) Permalink

> It's all antique and salvage shows.

i find those are fairly harmless besides the pre-noon slots

Council House Crackdown
Homes under the Hammer
Dom on the Spot (Dom rides along with traffic cops)

which all reads like official tory policy.

koogs, Monday, 17 September 2018 19:36 (one month ago) Permalink

I remember an episode of Don't Get Done, Get Dom, where somebodies dog got electrocuted when it pissed on a lamppost that was temporarily rendered live by some hapless HV electrician working in the area. Nobody was brought to account for this travesty!

calzino, Monday, 17 September 2018 19:54 (one month ago) Permalink

My friend J and I have freelancer breakfasts where we watch Homes Under the Hammer and we inevitably yell SLUMLORD at whatever developer buys up a house in the Midlands to convert to an HMO. We got sucked in by the ridiculous music supervision and I must point out that our viewing does not take in Council Enforcers/Here Comes the Bailiffs-type shite.

suzy, Monday, 17 September 2018 19:55 (one month ago) Permalink

Dom on the Spot (Dom rides along with traffic cops)

I've not heard of this show but damn this is some ILX quoted out of context shit.

xp SLUMLORD otm!

lbi's life of limitless european glamour (Le Bateau Ivre), Monday, 17 September 2018 19:58 (one month ago) Permalink

i cannot not think of lucy porter's description whenever i see Dom - Cockney Gollum.

koogs, Monday, 17 September 2018 20:48 (one month ago) Permalink

that year it rained forever (2008?). I was on hols in Newquay, sat in a caravan with unrelenting rain pounding its miserable shell with Don't Get Done, Get Dom on the portable tv.

calzino, Monday, 17 September 2018 21:00 (one month ago) Permalink

cursed island:

Spiders blamed after broken siren played creepy nursery rhymes randomly at night to UK townsfolk https://t.co/nQmhHcBL2l pic.twitter.com/jeVY6KkkeN

— Boing Boing (@BoingBoing) September 17, 2018

mark s, Tuesday, 18 September 2018 10:06 (one month ago) Permalink

a spectre is haunting ipswich - the spectre of nursery rhymes triggered by spiders on the security cameras gazing across an empty industrial estate

🧛🏻‍♂️ F A T 🧛🏻‍♂️ D R A C U L A 🧛🏻‍♂️ (bizarro gazzara), Tuesday, 18 September 2018 10:10 (one month ago) Permalink

you'd expect such routine twattery from wasps, but not spiders :(

calzino, Tuesday, 18 September 2018 10:16 (one month ago) Permalink

the spiders aren't the ones who decided to fit out an industrial estate with the soundtrack from a horror movie tbf

🧛🏻‍♂️ F A T 🧛🏻‍♂️ D R A C U L A 🧛🏻‍♂️ (bizarro gazzara), Tuesday, 18 September 2018 10:19 (one month ago) Permalink

yeah, why would you do that? the only people it would not put the fear into would be actual crims i'd've thought.

every day there's a whining choad (Noodle Vague), Tuesday, 18 September 2018 12:34 (one month ago) Permalink

There's a Real England adjacent thing (that is def not real England itself)… the middle-aged sad/angry left/liberal white male aesthetic of now - Cold War Steve/Sleaford Mods/Drunken Bakers maybe three coordinates (must be more?). I'm pretty sympathetic to all of it but fuck the fandoms are annoying.

woof, Tuesday, 18 September 2018 21:32 (one month ago) Permalink

the middle-aged sad/angry left/liberal white male aesthetic of now

is that not just ILX? new borad description

Colonel Poo, Tuesday, 18 September 2018 21:45 (one month ago) Permalink

Yeah I am aware this is some next-level narcissism of small differences. Quantum differences basically.

woof, Tuesday, 18 September 2018 21:49 (one month ago) Permalink

I think Sleaford Mods are very very bad, but sort of laughable - which might have been their redeeming feature for me - if I didn't find the music completely unlistenable and their channelling of Real England quite literal and wooden - but that also might be part of their appeal, and perhaps i just don't get it!

calzino, Tuesday, 18 September 2018 23:07 (one month ago) Permalink

Yes, I'd rather listen to Mumford & Sons tbh.

Zach Same (Tom D.), Tuesday, 18 September 2018 23:12 (one month ago) Permalink

https://www.hulldailymail.co.uk/news/hull-east-yorkshire-news/let-it-be-hull-theatre-2051820

Police were called to Hull New Theatre tonight after a “fight” broke out in the audience during The Beatles tribute Let It Be show.

It is understood a woman and a man were ejected from the audience by security after an argument just as ‘John Lennon’ began to sing Imagine.

Hull Live understands at least six police officers and a police car from Humberside Police were called to the theatre in Kingston Square, Hull city centre , following the altercation and a woman and a man were taken away in a police car.

Leon Carrotsky (Noodle Vague), Friday, 28 September 2018 21:08 (three weeks ago) Permalink

some folk just love living for today ...arrrggh!

calzino, Friday, 28 September 2018 21:47 (three weeks ago) Permalink

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fse0wAtcZRs

Leon Carrotsky (Noodle Vague), Saturday, 29 September 2018 11:53 (three weeks ago) Permalink

i know this one... "why the long face?"

koogs, Saturday, 29 September 2018 12:37 (three weeks ago) Permalink

hmmm

Today is septidi 7 Vendémiaire in the year of the Republic CCXXVII, celebrating the carrot. pic.twitter.com/QTJuj3dPjI

— Republican Calendar (@sansculotides) September 29, 2018

mark s, Saturday, 29 September 2018 15:07 (three weeks ago) Permalink

xp
"And with prices like these you won't get many more!"

nickn, Saturday, 29 September 2018 16:45 (three weeks ago) Permalink

three weeks pass...

Der Rabenmeister vom Londoner Tower https://t.co/1yeR3WVVnL #Großbritannien #Empire #Rabenmeister

— tagesschau (@tagesschau) October 20, 2018

mark s, Saturday, 20 October 2018 10:50 (four days ago) Permalink

too late to stop Ravexit you ridiculously garbed fule!

calzino, Saturday, 20 October 2018 10:54 (four days ago) Permalink

some weird contrasting real-Englandness today in my neck of the woods is while there is lots of casual EDL hate-speak in the air (re-Hudds Asian grooming gang) about 10 miles away from Hudds there is a Muslim festival attracting visitors from all corners of Northern/Southern hemispheres. You get some unreal sights, like imagine five thousand people crammed into a park that is barely the size of a cricket pitch!

calzino, Saturday, 20 October 2018 11:15 (four days ago) Permalink

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Dp81vuEW4AEjgrQ.jpg

calzino, Sunday, 21 October 2018 10:21 (three days ago) Permalink

der rabenmeister giving me unheimlich vibes

nxd, Monday, 22 October 2018 09:35 (two days ago) Permalink


You must be logged in to post. Please either login here, or if you are not registered, you may register here.