Real England

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where is it and what does it look like

Nigel Farage is a fucking hero (nakhchivan), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:12 (eight years ago) link

Raymond Williams says somewhere that most people who live in it live in quite small towns, but there is next to no significant literature about same.

Of course he was writing before Midsomer Murders aired.

http://i1.trekearth.com/photos/64476/dscf1947scrsfr.jpg

^^^wiltshire apparently (i'm not sure i know where wiltshire actually is) < /the lex >

mark s, Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:16 (eight years ago) link

i don't know how the demographics break down now but i wd say that a significant majority at least want to live in quite small towns. also i suspect quite small towns are increasingly really dissipated cities.

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:19 (eight years ago) link

Anyone bothered with Paul Kingsnorth's book on this very subject?

Lars and the Lulu Girl (NickB), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:21 (eight years ago) link

but y'knaa this whole problematic word "Real" - is this intended sarcastically, like is this thread about "what are the sort of people who use the phrase 'Real England' talking about?" or are we positing a defining core of Englishness that has history and still survives however tenuous?

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:21 (eight years ago) link

i think it would be facetious to pretend the issue can be approached entirely unfacetiously

Nigel Farage is a fucking hero (nakhchivan), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:22 (eight years ago) link

i was not aware of paul kingsnorth but now i see he has written a book called real england colon something else, i would guess it isn't the only book/treatise/pamphlet with similar title

Nigel Farage is a fucking hero (nakhchivan), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:23 (eight years ago) link

work filter has thoughtfully blocked access to my first google search result, some blog with the delightfully making-me-want-to-stab-the-author subtitle "The Battle Against the Bland". i assure you guys if there is a Real England it is not battling against The Bland and that is an excellent virtue in itself.

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:24 (eight years ago) link

oh right, that is the subtitle of Kingsnorth's book. okay then i will probably never read it since i infer from the book's post-colonage that the guy is a big douche.

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:24 (eight years ago) link

the usual English attention to the wrong details

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:25 (eight years ago) link

and some sadness for stuff passing that has not passed or was not what he claims it was before it passed

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:26 (eight years ago) link

is john terry 'real england' dyou suppose

blind pele (darraghmac), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:27 (eight years ago) link

i infer from the book's post-colonage that the guy is a big douche.

― Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:24 (1 minute ago)

h but f, nv, h but f

basically i was looking at the squad list for peterbrough town and noticed ryan tunnicliffe and lee frecklington and thought maybe those names were shibboleths that uttered in a certain way might usher you into the innermost real england

Nigel Farage is a fucking hero (nakhchivan), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:27 (eight years ago) link

http://i.telegraph.co.uk/multimedia/archive/01185/arts-graphics-2008_1185572a.jpg

the city hobgoblin as a good place to start! (of course he said british not english, right, re the wrong detail)

mark s, Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:35 (eight years ago) link

"... heir to an immense fortune, gifted by nature with a mind susceptible of noble cultivation, and a body endowed with admirable physical powers with the wretched drunkard who died in a gaol at the age of thirty-eight, a worn-out debauchee and drivelling sot... " <-- i am this very second ensconced in the village that surnamed this regency rake, tho he mainly lived on the other side of shrewsbury

mark s, Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:41 (eight years ago) link

nigel farage isn't real btw, he speaks for only his own constituency, which is seldom more than symbolic

is there a real england that is incapable of any sort of assimilation into colonned literature? a planar england that resists signification or commodification by interlopers from other englands

Nigel Farage is a fucking hero (nakhchivan), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:43 (eight years ago) link

south dublin iirc

blind pele (darraghmac), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:44 (eight years ago) link

leatherhead is a promotory over a large and brackish inland sea that is never spoken of

mark s, Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:45 (eight years ago) link

beneath the leylines, the true underground

mark s, Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:46 (eight years ago) link

"Winter, 1981: the headless, skinned bodies of two bears are found by the River Lea."

mark s, Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:51 (eight years ago) link

real england is all mates and and blood sausage and big bottomed birds reading thew newsie-wewsies

max, Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:57 (eight years ago) link

nah it's hedgerows and birds and complete lack of public services

blind pele (darraghmac), Thursday, 3 November 2011 14:08 (eight years ago) link

Oh it's all about the public services nowadays; a bus to take you into town so you can spend all night trawling the happy hour bars, a streetcleaner to mop up your vomit from the pavement, a policeman to give you a place to spend the night. No-one needed public services when an evening's entertainment consisted of watching the sun set over a russet autumnal hedgerow, lulled into a reverie by the carefree birdsong.

ceci n'est pas un nom d'affichage (ledge), Thursday, 3 November 2011 14:17 (eight years ago) link

http://www.photohistory-sussex.co.uk/UckFrisbyPiltdown03.jpg

mark s, Thursday, 3 November 2011 14:19 (eight years ago) link

"Searching for the Putdown Man"

ceci n'est pas un nom d'affichage (ledge), Thursday, 3 November 2011 14:21 (eight years ago) link

is there a real england that is incapable of any sort of assimilation into colonned literature? a planar england that resists signification or commodification by interlopers from other englands

Interesting question which I wish I could answer.

Ned Trifle X, Thursday, 3 November 2011 14:29 (eight years ago) link

I don't know if I would like that England even.

Ned Trifle X, Thursday, 3 November 2011 14:29 (eight years ago) link

is there a culture that can't be commodified? and i have to be v. v. careful not to paint my cultures, or the cultures i've drifted along the fringes of, as the only real England. the problem is that the word is usually only spoken out loud by a certain kind of cultural capitalist, whose vision of it is just as tangential as mine. bullshit about fair play and honest toil and love of the land that i'd counter with a nation of sneak thiefs, factionalists and urban wastrels. the contestedness is always part of the Reality of the nation, any nation really.

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:39 (eight years ago) link

for every sleepy Sunday C of E-attending agnostic Tory there's an apocalypse-welcoming hair-splitting anabaptist

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:41 (eight years ago) link

Everywhere north of Enfield is basically a wasteland isn't it? Brrrr... Nothing there. Just a man collecting lumps of mud and putting them into a cloth bag.

Glo-Vember (dog latin), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:42 (eight years ago) link

yeah but the determination of that which is essential need not be a question of mere majorities

blind pele (darraghmac), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:43 (eight years ago) link

everybody shd read The Uses of Literacy to see how you can constructively get this wrong in a way that doesn't just mourn real heritage centres. obv Williams and E.P. Thompson and Stuart Hall too

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:43 (eight years ago) link

the determination of that which is essential need not be a question of mere majorities

quite so, how about the British Isles then as a dumping ground/refugee camp/Wild West for Europe and parts south-east, over millenia, fuelling endless negotiation and conflict over territory, and that is the quicksand underneath Real England that we think of as bedrock?

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:46 (eight years ago) link

look mate there's no need to get fucking personal, alright

blind pele (darraghmac), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:49 (eight years ago) link

btw if i was gonna put forward one Real England it wd be old photographs of works sports teams or outings or other ceremonial jollies

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:49 (eight years ago) link

it would be the commie permawheezing mustachioed drunk one in tinker tailor, tho no doubt they'd have you b'leev it's smiley or haydon

blind pele (darraghmac), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:52 (eight years ago) link

wait haydon was the commie?

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:54 (eight years ago) link

SPOILERS

nah think he was the aesthete on a protest against the yanks more than anything else, wasn't the dude ciaran hinds played proper lefty in stated methods tho

blind pele (darraghmac), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:56 (eight years ago) link

the sparking point of Real England is where the plummy port-swilling foxhunter runs up against the chippy millenarian work-dodger and we drink each others' health and promise ourselves deep down that one day our kind will crush theirs

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:57 (eight years ago) link

the phoenicians sailed up round to albion to trade tin for spice before the romans had even got out of bed, and if they weren't trading with aboriginal pre-celt and pre-pict inhabitants, then it was certainly aboriginal+1: an island of proto-druid shopkeepers since time immaterial

stonehenge is actually a kind of cashpoint machine

mark s, Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:58 (eight years ago) link

xp

oh, Roy Bland. yeah Bland is the angry Puritan I've been talking about, defending his country so's his people can crush the effete Squire class one day

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:59 (eight years ago) link

but mark, who's to say the aborigines hadn't hopped off the boat from Boulogne just ahead of the celts themselves and so on and so forth??

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 16:00 (eight years ago) link

irish close to turks dna-wise iirc

blind pele (darraghmac), Thursday, 3 November 2011 16:03 (eight years ago) link

i think that's exactly what mark is saying, tbf

blind pele (darraghmac), Thursday, 3 November 2011 16:04 (eight years ago) link

Of all the Tribe of Tegumai
Who cut that figure, none remain
On Merrow Down the cuckoos cry
The silence and the sun remain

xp he's called smiley, he has to be of outlander extraction

mark s, Thursday, 3 November 2011 16:13 (eight years ago) link

^ I wasn't at that FAP

R. Stornoway (Tom D.), Thursday, 3 November 2011 16:34 (eight years ago) link

clun forest all-mercian jug band champions, tractor runs on wattle and daub

mark s, Thursday, 3 November 2011 16:34 (eight years ago) link

never get away with haircuts like that up in the Danelaw

Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 16:36 (eight years ago) link

you’ve seen him walking for the nhs, you’ve chipped in some cash to his campaign, now eat his fucking face EAT IT

julian sprinkles (bizarro gazzara), Thursday, 30 April 2020 15:15 (one month ago) link

The horrific cake head of Captain Tom Moore with the hair of Steve McClaren. pic.twitter.com/DCcvjxvGrp

— Football Manager Hair on Politicians (@visualsatire) April 30, 2020

calzino, Thursday, 30 April 2020 15:16 (one month ago) link

a Soviet Bus Stops/Yugoslav Memorials-style coffee table book of shitty Millennium municipal features in British towns and villages

— Ben (@cinemashoebox) May 2, 2020

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EXFgSWvWAAAbqZA?format=jpg&name=medium

devvvine, Sunday, 3 May 2020 10:43 (one month ago) link

unfair, that seems pretty enough

clap for content-providers (Noodle Vague), Sunday, 3 May 2020 10:46 (one month ago) link

every single one profoundly cursed

one of those on the thread is local to me and I feel vindicated for laughing when I first saw it.

kinder, Sunday, 3 May 2020 10:55 (one month ago) link

https://www.kentonline.co.uk/_media/img/750x0/22OWKIR1SQ26SSEOQJ2S.jpg

On Sheppey, 75-year-old pensioner Tim Bell was taking no prisoners. He went on parade near his home in Scrapsgate Road, Minster, in his own tank named T-75 and wearing a set of Second World War pilot's goggles.

The retired electrician had converted his mobility scooter into a fighting machine complete with its own Union Flag and sound system to blast out tunes from the 1940s to delighted neighbours, who waved flags as he drove past.

the fucking cunts treat us like Styx (Matt #2), Friday, 8 May 2020 14:57 (three weeks ago) link

born in 1945

Flaneuring Bevan (Noodle Vague), Friday, 8 May 2020 14:57 (three weeks ago) link

would eat a millennium kebab tbf

Flaneuring Bevan (Noodle Vague), Friday, 8 May 2020 16:17 (three weeks ago) link

Passed by it many a time on the way home from the pub but never tried it... apparently it's quite good though.

Frank Bough: I Took Drugs with Vice Girls (Tom D.), Friday, 8 May 2020 16:23 (three weeks ago) link

am I imagining that on some football forums people still have 20 year plus old accounts with user names like YK2Troy or whatever

calzino, Friday, 8 May 2020 16:28 (three weeks ago) link

Jesus I want a kebab now.

Andrew Farrell, Friday, 8 May 2020 16:29 (three weeks ago) link

a sentiment rarely far from my brain

Flaneuring Bevan (Noodle Vague), Friday, 8 May 2020 16:30 (three weeks ago) link

I miss the Mexicano pizza in my local 4 hygiene star rated takeaway. I could still get a take-away from there i guess, but eating it in there with the knackered tv blaring some russian version of mtv and the fine vista of dewsbury bus station was a big part of the whole experience.

calzino, Friday, 8 May 2020 16:36 (three weeks ago) link

I’ve been making kofte kebabs at home (it’s my St George’s Day special).

santa clause four (suzy), Friday, 8 May 2020 16:39 (three weeks ago) link

Kebab 2000 is still going in Southend.

visiting, Friday, 8 May 2020 16:49 (three weeks ago) link

yes i was

Stoke Newington

🖼


not sure i ever actually went in there (so many good turkish places around in those days) but lived pretty much opposite it for a long time.

Fizzles, Friday, 8 May 2020 16:50 (three weeks ago) link

Just went for a delightful walk around the neighbourhood. Lots of parties going on and lots of bunting. One particular party was properly going off: men of a particular colour, size and age dancing, arms around shoulders, to Madness. Blitz spirit, brothers.

Vanishing Point (Chinaski), Friday, 8 May 2020 16:51 (three weeks ago) link

I ate at millennium kebab. Ok, not as good as Chick Pizz across the road

a hoy hoy, Friday, 8 May 2020 18:22 (three weeks ago) link

XD

Flaneuring Bevan (Noodle Vague), Friday, 8 May 2020 18:22 (three weeks ago) link

Chick Pizz is no more btw.

Frank Bough: I Took Drugs with Vice Girls (Tom D.), Friday, 8 May 2020 18:25 (three weeks ago) link

In my experience kebab shops with names that promise a big game rarely deliver.

Being cheap is expensive (snoball), Friday, 8 May 2020 18:30 (three weeks ago) link

big game isn't legal in the uk tho

Flaneuring Bevan (Noodle Vague), Friday, 8 May 2020 18:30 (three weeks ago) link

Aww RIP Chick Pizz. I’ve not lived there for 3 or so years, I didn’t know

a hoy hoy, Friday, 8 May 2020 20:01 (three weeks ago) link

pretty sure I had a Millennium Kebab after lurching off a night bus in 2013

Elon's musk (sic), Friday, 8 May 2020 20:05 (three weeks ago) link

Hebden Bridge yesterday - Photo posted on Facebook by fella called Ralph Nimmann (third from left). He's getting called 'heroic' by his friends for standing up against 'the establishment'. I have other words to dscribe him and this group... pic.twitter.com/Lvz0F8N7ge

— Dave Haslam (@Mr_Dave_Haslam) May 9, 2020

oh christ .. the state of these braindead hippies!

calzino, Saturday, 9 May 2020 17:35 (three weeks ago) link

that sheppey tank fella upthread...minster is a town we walked to and yeah it is exactly the sort of place where that would happen

imago, Saturday, 9 May 2020 17:41 (three weeks ago) link

xp the type of people you want to stay 2m away from even in normal times

Microbes oft teem (wins), Saturday, 9 May 2020 18:10 (three weeks ago) link

I think it was our eminant Dutch ilx friend LBI who once mentioned he had a gf from this neck of the woods who sometimes talked to water!

calzino, Saturday, 9 May 2020 18:51 (three weeks ago) link

Coronavirus: Dorset knob-eating contest held online amid lockdown https://t.co/06f94JJOap

— BBC News (UK) (@BBCNews) May 9, 2020

mark s, Sunday, 10 May 2020 14:06 (three weeks ago) link

https://i.imgur.com/Xma9CTQ.jpg

Li'l Brexit (Tracer Hand), Sunday, 10 May 2020 20:34 (three weeks ago) link

I think it was our eminant Dutch ilx friend LBI who once mentioned he had a gf from this neck of the woods who sometimes talked to water!

― calzino, Saturday, May 9, 2020 8:51 PM (two days ago) bookmarkflaglink

Lol this is a 100% true :-/. That tweet up here def HB's ugly side.

real england sim
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GO7zBMDXGN4

megan thee macallan 18 year (||||||||), Monday, 11 May 2020 07:40 (three weeks ago) link

did this guy get linked here already?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RidKpZEJj4E

Boris the Spreader (NickB), Wednesday, 20 May 2020 20:30 (two weeks ago) link

On the youtubers thread, happy to watch again though.

Wuhan!! Got You All in Check (Camaraderie at Arms Length), Wednesday, 20 May 2020 20:50 (two weeks ago) link

No, it was on the AMSR thread.

Wuhan!! Got You All in Check (Camaraderie at Arms Length), Wednesday, 20 May 2020 20:51 (two weeks ago) link

it’s the best. ogmios is my hero.

Li'l Brexit (Tracer Hand), Wednesday, 20 May 2020 21:23 (two weeks ago) link

I have noticed he seems even more chill in the second episode

Wuhan!! Got You All in Check (Camaraderie at Arms Length), Wednesday, 20 May 2020 22:01 (two weeks ago) link

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EYflbwOXkAA1HBu?format=jpg&name=medium

I saw a tiny aged football hooligan sat on my hedge seig-heiling earlier.

calzino, Wednesday, 20 May 2020 22:13 (two weeks ago) link

Games Workshop, owner of Warhammer, is now worth the same as Centrica, owner of British Gas.

— Alex White (@AlexWhite1812) May 21, 2020

The Cognitive Peasant (ogmor), Thursday, 21 May 2020 15:20 (one week ago) link

:D

imago, Monday, 25 May 2020 11:57 (one week ago) link

ooo i could murder a big bowl of peonies right now

https://www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk/news/uk-news/woman-beach-wales-thought-england-18306085

A woman who was stopped by police walking on a beach due to lockdown rules launched a tirade of abuse as she claimed she "didn't realise Wales wasn't in England" as she went on to call Welsh people a "bunch of b*******."

In a video posted on social media, the woman can be seen arguing with two officers on a Gwynedd beach on Wednesday, the hottest day of the year so far, reports the Daily Post.

The woman is understood to have travelled more than 100 miles from the West Midlands to Barmouth with her children, despite coronavirus lockdown rules.

But when two police officers asked her to leave, she did not appear to understand the Welsh lockdown rules, claiming she was within her rights to be there because “Boris Johnson said that you can”.

Children of Bo-Dom (Noodle Vague), Monday, 25 May 2020 13:27 (one week ago) link

Usain Bolt from Barnsley pic.twitter.com/w3GuNhQb4K

— 𝒞𝒽𝓁𝑜𝑒 🌻 (@clbzyx) May 30, 2020

calzino, Monday, 1 June 2020 09:14 (two days ago) link

lmao

Le Bateau Ivre, Monday, 1 June 2020 09:42 (two days ago) link


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