fuck cancer

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ok, here goes.
after a long long day i have had a few glasses of red wine, so please bear with me.
on april 6th 2011 my wife was told "in error" that she had stomach cancer.
[long story - but this should have happened in my presence at some later pre-arranged time, but the fact was dropped while i was on childcare duties 30 miles away .. ]
given that my wife had previously been to see her GP for 2 years re ongoing stomach issues this came as no real surprise, but still, 2 years is quite a long time to have such concerns.
[turned out to be a stomach ulcer that had been left untreated .. resulting in the cancerous growth, but still the advise is that it has not spread beyond the stomach]
so after a 3 month stretch of radical chemo, to isolate and focus the growth, the surgeon today removed my wifes stomach, meaning that today is the beginning of a whole new life for us all.
so, the question is : are there ILX'r who have been through this process, as i have no idea as to what happens next !
how will she be able to digest food etc ?
and far more importantly, will red wine be no longer suitable as a method for her to deal with the daily demands of modern life ?
oh, and in the spirit of the original thread (i hate cancer) : fuck cancer.

mark e, Wednesday, 10 August 2011 23:25 (six years ago) Permalink

as far as i could tell (i looked - honest !) , ile needed a proper 'fuck cancer' thread.

mark e, Wednesday, 10 August 2011 23:26 (six years ago) Permalink

=( Best of luck to both of you

Elderflower Gimcrax Flores (admrl), Wednesday, 10 August 2011 23:26 (six years ago) Permalink

Oh fuck, I'm so very sorry to hear that. btw there is a 'curse cancer' thread but fuck anyone who holds this thread against you.

ceci n'est pas une witty dn (Schlafsack), Wednesday, 10 August 2011 23:27 (six years ago) Permalink

mark e, I am so sorry you and your wife are facing this. I know a few people who have had some or all of their stomach removed, for various reasons - each has certain foods that aren't processed well and so those are avoided, but digestion starts with chewing and nutrients are absorbed in the small intestine. One friend takes an additional enzyme with each meal, but the others eat smaller meals more frequently. They all are able to still enjoy alcohol, though I'm sure that can vary. See if you can find a support group locally or on-line that can help with the questions/concerns you will both be confronting. I wish your wife a rapid return to health and strength.

Jaq, Wednesday, 10 August 2011 23:52 (six years ago) Permalink

while i understand and appreciate the concerns, can i just state the following : today is a great great] day.
the surgery went well, my wife is ok (as far as i know), and that is a massive, repeat massive thrill-buzz.
oh, and while red wine is not the answer to most of our daily stresses it can form part of our occasional parental release ..
(i would prefer a very loud listen-n-dance session to kylie, but hey, cant have everythintg ! )

mark e, Wednesday, 10 August 2011 23:59 (six years ago) Permalink

others eat smaller meals more frequently. They all are able to still enjoy alcohol, though I'm sure that can vary.

have heard this from others.
only time will tell.

ta.

mark e, Thursday, 11 August 2011 00:28 (six years ago) Permalink

Fuck cancer indeed, so many of my relatives are dead from or are have contracted some form of cancer.

Super Villains With Drum Machines (MintIce), Thursday, 11 August 2011 13:39 (six years ago) Permalink

My paternal grandmother had her stomach removed for the same reason back in the 1960s. Although her meal size was reduced, she still very much enjoyed food and drink; one of the first things she taught my brother and me when we used to go and visit as wee lads was how to make a "proper" gin and tonic for her. She lived until she was 90.

I really hope your wife can continue to enjoy life in a similar spirit, and that she's making a fast and full recovery from the op.

that mustardless plate (Bill A), Wednesday, 17 August 2011 12:01 (six years ago) Permalink

cheers bill.
cant believe that its only 7 days since surgery given that yesterday she was looking so good, and up and walking (aka "thank f*ck for the nhs").
and yes, the advise seems to be that she can eat-n-drink whatever.
there may be some food types that may cause issue, but hopefully, the main impact will be that meal times will be a lot more relaxed as opposed to gobble-and-go.

mark e, Wednesday, 17 August 2011 12:06 (six years ago) Permalink

I guess it must not be too major to have your stomach removed since lots of people get their stomach removed who have a gastric bypass. I mean not too major compared to having your pancreas removed or your colon and getting an ostomy or something. I hope it goes well, I'm sure you will adapt in time and you will be just fine. SOrry to hear it

I love obscure members of the Athrotheiria mammal genus and... (Latham Green), Wednesday, 17 August 2011 13:34 (six years ago) Permalink

four months pass...

My grandfather is in the last stage of leukemia. I am trying to keep in mind he had a long and healthy life so far. But given that his life wasn't too great, it's difficult...

nathom, Friday, 13 January 2012 13:51 (six years ago) Permalink

two months pass...

exactly one year on and shit gets raised to a new level of emotional chaos.

we weren't even able to get away for 7 days for some well deserved family time without a mad midnight 250 mile dash to a&e.

oh, and all the positivity and hope i displayed earlier in this thread proved to be fucking worthless.

outcome post chemo/surgery : stage 4. terminal. no more treatment.

we currently live in waiting rooms dreading the test results.

fuck cancer.

mark e, Friday, 6 April 2012 20:47 (six years ago) Permalink

i'm really sorry, mark. my best wishes and support to you and your loved ones. and fuck cancer.

dayo, Friday, 6 April 2012 21:13 (six years ago) Permalink

mark, I'm so sorry. fuck cancer.

that mustardless plate (Bill A), Friday, 6 April 2012 22:29 (six years ago) Permalink

I am at a loss for words. I... I wish I could take some of the pain away. Fuck FUCK FUCK cancer. I am so so sorry.

Nathalie (stevienixed), Saturday, 7 April 2012 13:51 (six years ago) Permalink

How terrible. I wish you love. Fuck cancer.

World Congress of Itch (Dr Morbius), Saturday, 7 April 2012 14:07 (six years ago) Permalink

Mark, I'm really, really sorry. My best wishes to you and your family.

God, Music and Romeo and Juliet (DJP), Saturday, 7 April 2012 14:17 (six years ago) Permalink

Echoing the above. Utterly terrible news.

Ned Raggett, Saturday, 7 April 2012 14:18 (six years ago) Permalink

two weeks pass...

emsley clan : -1

cancer scoreboard : +1

fuck cancer.

mark e, Thursday, 26 April 2012 13:27 (six years ago) Permalink

Mark, I'm so sorry; my condolences to you and your family.

I'M THAT POSTA, AAAAAAAAAH (DJP), Thursday, 26 April 2012 13:29 (six years ago) Permalink

oh Mark I am so sorry. sending you love and support in this time.

cosi fan whitford (underrated aerosmith bootlegs I have owned), Thursday, 26 April 2012 13:31 (six years ago) Permalink

echoing the above. my sincere condolences to all of you

dayo, Thursday, 26 April 2012 13:35 (six years ago) Permalink

A hug and kiss for you, Mark.

Exile in lolville (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Thursday, 26 April 2012 13:37 (six years ago) Permalink

echoing the above. my sincere condolences to all of you

― dayo, Thursday, April 26, 2012 8:35 AM (1 minute ago)

^^^ So sorry, Mark. Fuck cancer.

improvised explosive advice (WmC), Thursday, 26 April 2012 13:39 (six years ago) Permalink

Sending you love and the tiniest lightening of this burden. I'm so sorry.

how did I get here? why am I in the whiskey aisle? this is all so (Laurel), Thursday, 26 April 2012 13:40 (six years ago) Permalink

i'm so sorry mark.

diafiyhm (darraghmac), Thursday, 26 April 2012 13:42 (six years ago) Permalink

Horrible news, very sorry to hear this, good thoughts to you and family Mark.

ooooiiiioooooooooooooooaaaaaaaaoooooh un - bi - leevable! (LocalGarda), Thursday, 26 April 2012 13:46 (six years ago) Permalink

ta for the wired tlc ..

this just goes to prove that even in this day and age of techno miracles, in the majority of cases, the powers that be really dont have a grasp on this evil disease.

we were told back in december that there was a good chance of 12 months of settled life.

to say the last 4 months have been a living hell of health related shyte would be an understatement.

we have no let up from the hospital/a&e chaos, so in some ways, i'm glad that she is now no longer suffering, but damn, its heavy on those of us left behind.

mark e, Thursday, 26 April 2012 13:49 (six years ago) Permalink

how horrible, Mark. RIP, & I hope you too are able to find some peace in this.

Euler, Thursday, 26 April 2012 13:50 (six years ago) Permalink

mark i'm so sorry for you and your family's loss, i hope you all get all the love and support you need

seapunk run. run punk run! (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 26 April 2012 13:55 (six years ago) Permalink

Oh Mark, I'm so sorry to hear that. Wishing you all the strength in the world over the next few days and weeks.

btw didn't i braek ur heart (NickB), Thursday, 26 April 2012 13:57 (six years ago) Permalink

That is horrible to hear, take care of yourself, man.

Andrew Farrell, Thursday, 26 April 2012 13:58 (six years ago) Permalink

Also: fuck cancer.

Andrew Farrell, Thursday, 26 April 2012 14:06 (six years ago) Permalink

Oh my God. I am so so sorry to read this. I can't imagine how horrible the past year must have been for you. My best wishes go out to you and your family.

wolf kabob (ENBB), Thursday, 26 April 2012 14:10 (six years ago) Permalink

Damn.

My condolences.

Ned Raggett, Thursday, 26 April 2012 14:27 (six years ago) Permalink

mark, I'm very sorry. words on a message board don't do it justice.

this just goes to prove that even in this day and age of techno miracles, in the majority of cases, the powers that be really dont have a grasp on this evil disease.

I switched oncologists recently, going to the big medical center named after one of the Rockefellers. My new guy is the teacher who taught my two old guys.

We went down the list, talking about the medications I had been given, what my diet could be, drawing a DNA helix on the paper of the examination chair and saying 45 minutes of exercise based on my age x 5 - 2 or something. That last one, "What does running up and down stairs have to do with cancer?" made him literally stroke his beard and say "We don't know. Everything I've told you is basically an educated guess at best."

Now, this guy is pretty educated, but every honest doctor would be the first to tell you that plugging tubes of poison into people's veins and blasting them with radiation is witchcraft at best.

pplains, Thursday, 26 April 2012 14:51 (six years ago) Permalink

Now, this guy is pretty educated, but every honest doctor would be the first to tell you that plugging tubes of poison into people's veins and blasting them with radiation is witchcraft at best.

i have an uncle who is a highly qualified doctor in canada - and he basically told me this back last year, so while we were getting the 'we will cure you' story from various folks here, i've been quietly preparing for this outcome due to the insider information from him.

still, doesn't make dealing with the fallout any easier ..

good luck with your battle pplains - you have my heartfelt wishes and hopes for a more successful outcome.

for us, the big reveal was the discovery of an evil lump weeks after the completion of premium grade chemo that she underwent as that confirmed just how aggressive the fucker was.

(uncle confirmed that she got the best that was available .. so no complaints on that score)

mark e, Thursday, 26 April 2012 15:08 (six years ago) Permalink

Heartfelt condolences, mark. I'm so sorry that things turned out this way.

that mustardless plate (Bill A), Thursday, 26 April 2012 19:03 (six years ago) Permalink

i'm so very sorry, mark.

estela, Thursday, 26 April 2012 19:13 (six years ago) Permalink

Found out yesterday that mother in-law likely has pancreatic cancer. She got sick the day after we left for vacation, but apparently her doctor's been all kind of amazing and has run 6 months worth of tests in 2 weeks. From what I understand they think it's still in early stages, and possibly slow-growing though I'm still trying to make sense of everything so I don't exactly know all the details.

the worst part is that her Mum died of cancer when she was quite young, and her brother died of pancreatic cancer a couple of years ago, so it's just like AAAAAGGGGH FUCK YOU CANCER SERIOUSLY

the gallows-humor lighter side is that because of a blocked bile duct she now has a major case of jaundice. She said over the phone that she was pretty green, but when she answered the door mr Veg and I were like, 'Whoa. you weren't kidding.' Wicked Witch of the West level neon green. It's really weird!

We visited with her yesterday - she's very scared, tired, etc, but still very much herself. I love her so much...it just fucks me up that she's dealing with all of this. Ugh!

bleh

Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Monday, 30 April 2012 20:17 (six years ago) Permalink

AAAAAGGGGH FUCK YOU CANCER SERIOUSLY

seriously.

hope they caught the fucker in time peppermint.

mark e, Monday, 30 April 2012 20:30 (six years ago) Permalink

I know. I'd like to have her around for a lot longer :)

Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Monday, 30 April 2012 20:38 (six years ago) Permalink

btw, my condolences to you, mark...a big DOUBLE FUCK YOU CANCER

Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Monday, 30 April 2012 20:42 (six years ago) Permalink

cheers pepper.

borderline alcoholism + v. loud music helps.

a little.

mark e, Monday, 30 April 2012 20:48 (six years ago) Permalink

<3 <3 <3

Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Monday, 30 April 2012 20:58 (six years ago) Permalink

my mother in law was diagnosed with terminal cancer on Friday. Somehow the fucking doctor she has been getting x-rays and cat scans from for the last five years completely missed the huge tumor crushing her heart. My wife had to take an emergency red-eye last night and fortunately made it home before her mom died. now they're waiting for more tests.

fuck you, incompetent doctors, fuck you cancer, etc.

sleeve, Monday, 30 April 2012 21:31 (six years ago) Permalink

Somehow the fucking doctor she has been getting x-rays and cat scans from for the last five years completely missed the huge tumor crushing her heart.

due to the time, i am assuming you are US based pepper, cos this scarily similar to our situation.

3 years of 'problems' that were ignored cos it would have cost a few quid to send bh for a CT scan ..

so, yes fuck you incomp. doctors and fuck you tory policy to make doctors even more important in the decision making process.

once bh was escalated to the next level of care then it has to be said, the care was absolutely fantastic, but the fact of the matter is that he problems were ignored by the the GPs for 3 years .. and the GPs defence : 'bh is too young to get stomach cancer'

ok, time for more wine ..

mark e, Monday, 30 April 2012 21:39 (six years ago) Permalink

hang in there, also check out the revive on the Steve Albini thread, very inspiring.

sleeve, Tuesday, 1 May 2012 00:36 (six years ago) Permalink

I was told just today that my aunt was in the final stages of her cancer, so I feel you. It's amazing how much money + resources gets pumped into research and how it's still such a crapshoot of who survives and who doesn't.

musicfanatic, Tuesday, 1 May 2012 00:47 (six years ago) Permalink

Fingers crossed for you pal and B.

Odysseus, Friday, 23 June 2017 23:45 (eleven months ago) Permalink

This is very good news, C.P. Best to you both, hope you'll be free of hassle for a long, long time.

Le Bateau Ivre, Friday, 23 June 2017 23:50 (eleven months ago) Permalink

Relieved to hear this news, take care of B (and of yourself as well, obviously).

ailsa, Saturday, 24 June 2017 17:21 (eleven months ago) Permalink

best news i have heard in a very long time.

onwards CP.

mark e, Saturday, 24 June 2017 18:35 (eleven months ago) Permalink

seven months pass...

Three friends / colleagues are undergoing treatment for cancer at the moment. One a little older than me, two younger, one of them by several years. Two of them have breast cancer. Prognosis is good for all three - all caught early and acted upon.

But still.

Fuck cancer.

Hey Bob (Scik Mouthy), Wednesday, 24 January 2018 10:04 (four months ago) Permalink

Hopefully things are still going well for you and yours, CP.

Hey Bob (Scik Mouthy), Wednesday, 24 January 2018 10:05 (four months ago) Permalink

my older sister was diagnosed with breast cancer last month. because of the size of the lump she was going to have a mastectomy pretty much straightaway, but when they got the results of the biopsy back it was a different strain to what they'd expected (don't ask me what) so she's been on a course of chemo since christmas instead. my wife's actually gone upto see her today to go with her to get her head shaved because it's just been falling out in big clumps. been stuggling with the cycle of sickness and tiredness. her doctor has told her that it probably won't kill her but it will be a horrible few months of treatment, so she's just gone into grit-yer-teeth-and-get-through-it mode. fuck though, these things just come straight out of the blue at you :/

faust apes (NickB), Wednesday, 24 January 2018 10:42 (four months ago) Permalink

One of the people I know with breast cancer was my direct report at work until November, then she got the job as my backfill while I'm working on a project for a year. She's 32, planning on getting married this year, in good health, no family history of breast cancer. Literally come out of nowhere.

Fuck cancer.

Hey Bob (Scik Mouthy), Wednesday, 24 January 2018 10:50 (four months ago) Permalink

two weeks pass...

Fuck you, cancer, for taking my (LOTSA people's) aunt Sally today. You pathetic weakling bully, you had the doctors convinced that she'd last no more than half a year, but she fought you for more than double that, and still found time to work on her arts/crafts, turn 80, cheer the kids (and kids' kids, and other people's kids) on in their various pastimes, raise & release a coupla monarchs from pupae, finally try edibles (underwhelming), and see her latest (twin) great-grandbabies, #s 13 & 14, almost beginning to stand. All the while gleefully bitching about the usual, like the Blue Jays' playoff pratfalls and casino meals and the jackass moron president down south, and especially the ailments you gave her; and always with a laugh and a smoke and an ashtray at hand. She fought you every step, motherfucker.

Scape: Goat-fired like a dog! (Myonga Vön Bontee), Sunday, 11 February 2018 20:46 (three months ago) Permalink

sorry :(

It's not delivery, it's Adorno! (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Monday, 12 February 2018 01:43 (three months ago) Permalink

thanks ums

Scape: Goat-fired like a dog! (Myonga Vön Bontee), Monday, 12 February 2018 03:51 (three months ago) Permalink

fuck this god damned cuntball of a shitting fucking fuck

reverse-periscoping (Autumn Almanac), Friday, 16 February 2018 09:11 (three months ago) Permalink

sorry for vagueness, i have no words but need to spray words

reverse-periscoping (Autumn Almanac), Friday, 16 February 2018 09:11 (three months ago) Permalink

aunt sally sounds like a wonderful person MVB who clearly made the best of her groove.
if i get to see any great grandkids then i will die a very content man.

that said, still it needs to be said often : fuck cancer.

mark e, Friday, 16 February 2018 10:30 (three months ago) Permalink

two months pass...

6 years on and i realise just how young me and the lads were to experience such dark and heavy times.
life now is so different than it was meant to be.
today is easily the worst day of the year for me.

mark e, Thursday, 26 April 2018 19:57 (four weeks ago) Permalink

:(

for what is worth you seem like a really good person, who has gone through some hard stuff, and I genuinely hope you are feeling better tomorrow.

calzino, Thursday, 26 April 2018 20:03 (four weeks ago) Permalink

My wife had a scan last week. Saw oncologist today. Cancer is back, spread to her bones, don't know how long she has. More chemo. In shock I think

Colonel Poo, Thursday, 26 April 2018 21:05 (four weeks ago) Permalink

Fuck, sorry to hear that CP.

calzino, Thursday, 26 April 2018 21:21 (four weeks ago) Permalink

My wife had a scan last week. Saw oncologist today. Cancer is back, spread to her bones, don't know how long she has. More chemo. In shock I think

no words suitable.
fuck the evil lump.
xxx CP.

mark e, Thursday, 26 April 2018 21:32 (four weeks ago) Permalink

I'm so sorry to hear that, man.

Andrew Farrell, Thursday, 26 April 2018 21:53 (four weeks ago) Permalink

Oh fuck CP that’s shit news. Don’t really know what say but best wishes to you both and keep battling on.

i'm surprised to see your screwface at the door (NickB), Thursday, 26 April 2018 22:11 (four weeks ago) Permalink

i’m so sorry CP

estela, Friday, 27 April 2018 00:55 (three weeks ago) Permalink

thinking of you, mark e

estela, Friday, 27 April 2018 00:56 (three weeks ago) Permalink

Just told my boss because I'll need to be able to go to the hospital occasionally. They were good about it last year so shouldn't be a problem. Struggling to tell anyone else tbh. It's my sister's birthday on Sunday so I'll probably just wait til next week to tell my family. It's a good job I'm working from home today I guess.

Colonel Poo, Friday, 27 April 2018 08:25 (three weeks ago) Permalink

Love to you and Mrs CP.

suzy, Friday, 27 April 2018 08:34 (three weeks ago) Permalink

Forgot to mention, my wife had refused a hormonal medication they wanted her to take a couple of months ago as it's supposed to slightly reduce the chance of recurrence, after a previous hormonal medication they gave her before Xmas caused severe side effects. Wouldn't have done her any good obviously as it was already coming back. Turns out if she *had* taken the hormonal medication, she wouldn't have been eligible for NHS funding for the chemo they are going to give her. Why I have no idea, but I'm assuming it's something to do with the fucking Tories.

Colonel Poo, Friday, 27 April 2018 10:37 (three weeks ago) Permalink

sorry to hear CP, best wishes to you and your wife

fuck cancer (and fuck the Tories)

best wishes to you too, mark e

a passing spacecadet, Friday, 27 April 2018 12:50 (three weeks ago) Permalink

Wishing peace and strength for all of you.

Fuck awful healthcare systems.

Fuck cancer.

mom tossed in kimchee (quincie), Friday, 27 April 2018 13:13 (three weeks ago) Permalink

I am so sorry. Love to both of you.

Millennial Whoop, wanna fight about it? (Phil D.), Friday, 27 April 2018 13:25 (three weeks ago) Permalink

yeah, this is horrible news, i'm so sorry man

Mahogany Loggins (bizarro gazzara), Friday, 27 April 2018 13:27 (three weeks ago) Permalink

So sorry to hear it CP. Much love and good wishes to you and your wife.

xyzzzz__, Friday, 27 April 2018 13:32 (three weeks ago) Permalink

Oh CP I'm so very sorry.

Benson and the Jets (ENBB), Friday, 27 April 2018 13:45 (three weeks ago) Permalink

And to Mark too - I can't even imagine how hard today is for you.

Benson and the Jets (ENBB), Friday, 27 April 2018 13:46 (three weeks ago) Permalink

cosign all the above. strength to you both

imago, Friday, 27 April 2018 14:48 (three weeks ago) Permalink

Colonel i'm so sorry. mark, you're always in my thoughts.

the vomming of the snark (Noodle Vague), Friday, 27 April 2018 14:50 (three weeks ago) Permalink

Colonel, so sorry to hear that

done and dusted (Ross), Friday, 27 April 2018 14:51 (three weeks ago) Permalink

Colonel, that's devastating news, I'm so so sorry. Love and strength to you and B x

ailsa, Friday, 27 April 2018 14:57 (three weeks ago) Permalink

sorry CP that is awful news <3

Squeaky Fromage (VegemiteGrrl), Saturday, 28 April 2018 16:56 (three weeks ago) Permalink

So sorry to hear the news, CP. Sending good thoughts your way.

Fetchboy, Saturday, 28 April 2018 17:27 (three weeks ago) Permalink

We have a bit more information now. The median survival for this particular secondary cancer is 21 months. However there is a woman in the FB support group for IBC who is still alive after 6 years, and she is taking the medication my wife will be taking. I still don't understand the NHS rules for this, because they want her to start taking the hormones that would have made her ineligible for the treatment she's going to be on. She just couldn't have started taking the hormones first. Fuck knows

Colonel Poo, Saturday, 28 April 2018 20:01 (three weeks ago) Permalink

I'm just posting this so I don't write it somewhere else: what the fuck does "don't give up hope" mean exactly? don't give up hope that a cure for terminal cancer will be discovered and go through all the clinical trials and be available on the NHS in the next few months? I know you mean well but fuck off.

Colonel Poo, Thursday, 10 May 2018 21:07 (two weeks ago) Permalink

I know you mean well but fuck off.

internal thoughts : the true test is when you say them out loud.
you have been in my head a lot recently sir, and my offer stands.
xx.

mark e, Thursday, 10 May 2018 21:20 (two weeks ago) Permalink

thanks Mark. I'm just venting. the person who texted me that is someone I haven't seen in a couple of years and I'm supposed to be meeting up with them and some other old friends next month, the friend who's organising it asked me if I'd told them and I said no but I didn't mind if they did. it's really nothing, just irked me.

Colonel Poo, Thursday, 10 May 2018 21:33 (two weeks ago) Permalink

cloying encouragement is one of the worst things anyone can do in response to shit news, yet loads of people do it. it only rubs it in and makes it worse. saying nothing is infinitely more helpful.

karl wallogina (Autumn Almanac), Thursday, 10 May 2018 21:46 (two weeks ago) Permalink

our friend who’s been going through this is too nice to snap at anyone, but we’ve been in visiting him when others are there running off empty platitudes of hope and encouragement, and the look on his face says it all. the intentions are pure but it does not help. like, he’s putting himself through incredibly traumatic surgeries and chemo, obviously he’s not giving up.

karl wallogina (Autumn Almanac), Thursday, 10 May 2018 21:59 (two weeks ago) Permalink

I completely understand being in that position of wanting to help but not knowing what to say, I'm in it myself. Saying nothing often seems like the better option, but that risks appearing cold or indifferent. That's why I just posted in here, hopefully I would never actually snap back at someone but I can be hotheaded so

Colonel Poo, Thursday, 10 May 2018 22:03 (two weeks ago) Permalink

totally understand. there’s no cardinal right or wrong way to respond, but some sentiments are basically “well fuck i’ve got nothing good to say but i should say something”, which in itself is good and well-meaning but sometimes a heartfelt “well fuck” or “what can i do” or “fancy a pint” would be better.

karl wallogina (Autumn Almanac), Thursday, 10 May 2018 22:18 (two weeks ago) Permalink

Maybe, in a more general sense, it's intended as "don't give in to despair" i.e. enjoy what you can, while you can. Nobody knows what to say and a good fraction of people will fuck it up. I know several people who have been through devastating times and have told me that dealing with other people's emotions is a massive and unwanted workload. That said, CP it sounds fucking horrible and I wish you strength and whatever good luck is possible.

startled macropod (MatthewK), Thursday, 10 May 2018 22:19 (two weeks ago) Permalink

Maybe, in a more general sense, it's intended as "don't give in to despair"

true, also perhaps they themselves are not coping with the news (even though they’re relatively distanced from it) and are probably comforting themselves as much as anyone else. maybe i should walk back my criticism tbh

karl wallogina (Autumn Almanac), Thursday, 10 May 2018 22:22 (two weeks ago) Permalink

I can understand to a degree the reticent to prescribe strong painkillers given the opioid epidemic in the USA, but how much pain do you have to be in to get anything stronger than fucking cocodamol?? Have your leg sawn off or something? My wife asked for painkillers and the GP prescribed her cocodamol, I looked it up because it wasn't helping, it's the same fucking strength as OTC. I could go and buy her some Neurofen Plus with a higher dose in it from fucking Morrisons right now. WTF. Now she's having the go-around trying to get something stronger, the hospice nurse is on holiday, on hold to the GP.

Colonel Poo, Thursday, 17 May 2018 09:55 (one week ago) Permalink


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