rolling lol FIFA thread

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these guys

caek, Thursday, 12 May 2011 15:43 (nine years ago) link

IOC, etc. also on topic here.

caek, Thursday, 12 May 2011 15:44 (nine years ago) link

Does he actually do anything?

Ned Raggett, Thursday, 12 May 2011 15:50 (nine years ago) link

well yes i was amazed

wanking on the moon (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 12 May 2011 15:57 (nine years ago) link

such a weird bunch of lads. afaict blatter has a tiny bit of accumulated moral authority, but the wider committee has been on the take since the TV era and is kind of a laughing stock (but *ha ha sad laugh*)

blatter is a cretin about rule changes btw.

caek, Thursday, 12 May 2011 16:13 (nine years ago) link

I LOVE BELARUS (ShariVari), Thursday, 12 May 2011 17:23 (nine years ago) link

is that a 7 minute song about jack warner?

caek, Thursday, 12 May 2011 20:22 (nine years ago) link

It certainly is.

I LOVE BELARUS (ShariVari), Thursday, 12 May 2011 20:35 (nine years ago) link

<3 this lawyer, he helped us out with the Fire club charter when ownership were being sticks in the mud.

dan m, Thursday, 26 May 2011 15:02 (nine years ago) link

first 4 pages of today's guardian sport section are about these jokers

caek, Thursday, 26 May 2011 15:13 (nine years ago) link

caek, Thursday, 26 May 2011 15:14 (nine years ago) link

ok 3 pages

caek, Thursday, 26 May 2011 15:14 (nine years ago) link

Chuck Blazer, eh? Didn't think he had it in him.

Ismael Klata, Thursday, 26 May 2011 19:30 (nine years ago) link

It's alluded to in the comments of the SoccerAmerica article, but there is a lot of speculation going on in MLS circles about how this is some kind of effort to prop up Blatter so the league can get exception to single entity and teams per league limits imposed by FIFA. It's interesting, but I dunno if I can give the league brass credit for being that organized.

dan m, Thursday, 26 May 2011 19:38 (nine years ago) link

Nothing says 'free election' quite like a summary trial of the non-incumbent candidate put together at two days' notice.

Ismael Klata, Thursday, 26 May 2011 20:29 (nine years ago) link

hope this total shitbag mediawhore is gone soon...mind you fifa must be a hydra for this kind of thing.

Suggest Banter (Local Garda), Thursday, 26 May 2011 23:25 (nine years ago) link

not you too sepp! say it ain't so.

"It feels like at last the dam is breaking around them. It is a bit like the scene at the end of Reservoir Dogs when everyone has a gun pointed at each other's heads."

caek, Friday, 27 May 2011 10:45 (nine years ago) link

It's an interesting move from Blazer given his history with Jack Warner. As far as i can remember, Warner was heavily criticised back in 1989 for selling 45,000 tickets to the 28,500 capacity World Cup qualifier between T&T and the US and allegedly pocketing the cash. There were stronger allegations from some quarters that he arranged with the US to throw what was, effectively, a decider - letting the Americans qualify in return for unspecified favours. Even twenty years ago, there was no real doubt he was as bent as a nine bob note.

Head of the US football authorties at the time - Chuck Blazer. The man who fixed it for Warner to become CONCACAF President - Chuck Blazer.

I LOVE BELARUS (ShariVari), Friday, 27 May 2011 11:46 (nine years ago) link

I LOVE BELARUS (ShariVari), Friday, 27 May 2011 11:54 (nine years ago) link

^ What's Mike Hancock MP doing on this thread?

Tom D has taken many months to run this thread to ground (Tom D.), Friday, 27 May 2011 12:06 (nine years ago) link

"When a Swiss farmer's neighbour has a cow while he has none, the less fortunate farmer will work twice as hard so that one day he can buy a cow as well," he said.

"When another farmer, elsewhere, on an island, say, has no cow but his neighbour does, that farmer will kill the neighbour's cow out of sheer malice. I'd rather be a Swiss farmer, like it or not."

-- Sepp Blatter on today's allegations

caek, Friday, 27 May 2011 14:18 (nine years ago) link

something something put them out to pasture

dan m, Friday, 27 May 2011 15:00 (nine years ago) link

another farmer, elsewhere, on an island, say,

can't believe the Icelandic FA are taking this shit

blueski, Friday, 27 May 2011 15:59 (nine years ago) link

on an island

Uh, hello Albion!

For one throb of the (Michael White), Friday, 27 May 2011 16:02 (nine years ago) link

xp figured it was a Trinidad and Tobago reference myself

dan m, Friday, 27 May 2011 16:14 (nine years ago) link

love that he used Swissness in the analogy. so much for neutrality.

blueski, Friday, 27 May 2011 16:18 (nine years ago) link

Basically, he's saying that Russians and Qatari are ambitious cattle farmers and the English are malicious bovicides

For one throb of the (Michael White), Friday, 27 May 2011 16:27 (nine years ago) link

Fifa, it has often been said, is a one-cow town.

boxall, Friday, 27 May 2011 16:40 (nine years ago) link

And Blatter def knows how to milk it.

For one throb of the (Michael White), Friday, 27 May 2011 17:28 (nine years ago) link

"I have lived three score and almost ten and my Jack hasn't been hanged as yet"

shit, starting to like him...

bluer than american whites (blueski), Saturday, 28 May 2011 15:32 (nine years ago) link

Looks like Blatter will be running unopposed.

Bin Hammam has pulled out of the election on the day of his ethics hearing:

"I promise those who stood by me that I will walk with my head held high and will continue to fight for the good of the game."

"I have a special thank you to my friend and colleague Jack Warner for his unlimited support. I am sorry to see that he has to suffer because of me, but I am promising him that I will be with him all the way through thick and thin."

"I look forward to working closely with my colleagues to restore Fifa's reputation to what it should be – a protector of the game that has credibility through honesty, transparency and accountability. It saddens me that standing up for the causes I believed in has come at a great price – the degradation of Fifa's reputation. This is not what I had in mind for Fifa and this is unacceptable.

Warner has angrily denied accusations that he failed to support the US's World Cup bid adequately:

The US is accusing me of not working hard enough for them. What more you want me to do, go in the people house and sleep with them? I can't do that!


I LOVE BELARUS (ShariVari), Sunday, 29 May 2011 13:23 (nine years ago) link

good lord that man is disturbing

dan m, Sunday, 29 May 2011 14:25 (nine years ago) link

and blazer is a weirdo too

dan m, Sunday, 29 May 2011 14:26 (nine years ago) link

FIFA clears Blatter in bribery scandal.

James Mitchell, Sunday, 29 May 2011 16:34 (nine years ago) link

Blatter cleared, other guys not, everyone happy

Ismael Klata, Sunday, 29 May 2011 16:36 (nine years ago) link

"Oh shit" says Jerome Valcke, live on telly.

James Mitchell, Sunday, 29 May 2011 16:37 (nine years ago) link

Vote to go ahead, only one candidate, 50% needed to win, control of world football and billions of dollars at stake, 2022 still scheduled to go to Qatar

Ismael Klata, Sunday, 29 May 2011 16:38 (nine years ago) link

great bunch of lads

caek, Sunday, 29 May 2011 17:15 (nine years ago) link

5.59pm: Damaseb on why Blatter was cleared: "The allegation is that he failed to report to the authorites a report made to him that Bin Hammam intended to make payments. Mr Blatter's version is that indeed Mr Warner told him that the meeting was going to be held and take Bin Hammam intended to make these payments. Warner denies the allegations, he says he never says anything like that. Blatter says he was told. Blatter says the obligation to report did not arise because he was asked for advice and an opinion and informed Warner that that should not happen. So he did not have the evidence that a wrongdoing had taken place. At that stage no wrongdoing had occurred, he was only being asked for a view and he discouraged the asker."

caek, Sunday, 29 May 2011 18:28 (nine years ago) link

6.23pm: "Having listened to the press conference, I still don't understand why Blatter was not suspended," writes Pamela Hulley. "Can you shed any light on this?" As I understand it, under Article 129 in Fifa's regulations members are only compelled to report to the ethics committee if a "wrongdoing" has taken place. Blatter says he was told that Bin Hammam intended to make these $40,000 payments and he advised against it. At that stage no wrongdoing had taken place, so he was under no obligation to report it.

caek, Sunday, 29 May 2011 18:29 (nine years ago) link

By the letter of the law, he's not got to go.

Ismael Klata, Sunday, 29 May 2011 18:31 (nine years ago) link

I mean, it's perfectly fucking reasonable for the President of any organisation to not report serious corruption among two of his top guys on the basis of semantics.

Ismael Klata, Sunday, 29 May 2011 18:35 (nine years ago) link

Maybe if we all act outraged enough on this thread, Blatter will do the right thing.

Ismael Klata, Sunday, 29 May 2011 18:36 (nine years ago) link

After this glorious victory over his detractors, the least the world can do to honour the man is rename the sport (which would get rid of the American/Australian/Gaelic football/soccer confusion) as Blatterball.

StanM, Sunday, 29 May 2011 18:41 (nine years ago) link

That american journalist who tried to stand on a 'clean up fifa' ticket, but couldn't get any support - I bet he feels very silly tonight.

Ismael Klata, Sunday, 29 May 2011 18:49 (nine years ago) link

Bad weekend for Jack. Yesterday, a judge ordered the T&T football association to make an interim payment of £700k to the 2006 Soca Warriors team, with millions more expected to come. This is something of an advance on the £496 they each got from Warner for taking part in the World Cup four years ago. Still, when the PM is away on state business, it's reported that he's left in charge of the whole country.

The Blatter judgement is astonishing. Is it standard practice to ask the whiter-than-white President of an international organisation for advice on whether to illegally bribe various members of that organisation?

I LOVE BELARUS (ShariVari), Sunday, 29 May 2011 19:41 (nine years ago) link

You are aligning yourself with the ayatollahs?

I think "cleaning it up" is maybe meant to sound more sarcastic sounding than you are reading it. I think it's pretty astute article but what do I know I am probably an American imperialist at heart.

One bad call from barely losing to (Alex in SF), Tuesday, 2 June 2015 20:20 (five years ago) link

i'm sepptical there will be big lasting changes to FIFA tho

Van Horn Street, Tuesday, 2 June 2015 20:23 (five years ago) link

That NY Mag writer needs to learn about Traffic Sports USA if he really thinks we're so righteous in our sporting pursuits.

dan m, Tuesday, 2 June 2015 20:26 (five years ago) link

Also Traffic-related:

dan m, Tuesday, 2 June 2015 20:27 (five years ago) link

the NY Mag writer appears to be about 11 years old so i guess there's time for him to learn about that stuff

turly dark (Noodle Vague), Tuesday, 2 June 2015 20:30 (five years ago) link

xxp two soccer leagues few in states care about are evidence of what?

One bad call from barely losing to (Alex in SF), Tuesday, 2 June 2015 20:34 (five years ago) link

x-posts: Hm, I might have missed an 'also' in there.

Tons of people in the rest of the world care about corruption in FIFA - most of what has come to light has been through UK reporting, right? - but only US had the combination of 1) one of the central corrupt people being american, meaning loads of shit took place on US soil and b) the power to force the swiss to arrest people in switzerland.

Frederik B, Tuesday, 2 June 2015 20:49 (five years ago) link

Senator and former Brazilian footballer Romário stated that "unfortunately, it wasn't our police that arrested them, but someone had to eventually arrest them one day"

Van Horn Street, Tuesday, 2 June 2015 21:00 (five years ago) link

“I know that they are criminal scum, and I’ve known it for years,” he said. “And that is a thoughtful summation. That is not an insult. That is not throwing about wild words.”

“These scum have stolen the people’s sport. They’ve stolen it, the cynical thieving bastards,” he said. “So, yes, it’s nice to see the fear on their faces.”

Let's go, FIFA! (Nasty, Brutish & Short), Wednesday, 3 June 2015 20:35 (five years ago) link

Chuck Blazer's unsealed guilty plea:

dan m, Wednesday, 3 June 2015 20:59 (five years ago) link

On my couch, sitting near enough to be part of the conversation was the translator; while on Mr. Putin's was Vitaly Mutko. The conversation began in a normal enough way, each of us thanking the other for making time for the visit. Genial welcomes continued until at one moment, he looked at me with a very serious gaze and said, without cracking a smile, "You know, you look like Karl Marx!"

I guess I could have responded to his observation in any of a dozen unpredictable ways. Instead, I simply winked at him and said, "I know". This brought an immediate response with him lifting his right arm up in the air and thrusting it forward to give me my first High-5 from a Prime Minister.

r|t|c, Wednesday, 3 June 2015 21:07 (five years ago) link

His blog is all-time

dan m, Wednesday, 3 June 2015 21:54 (five years ago) link

lol at Putin-Animal-Trainer-At-Large photo series

Οὖτις, Wednesday, 3 June 2015 21:57 (five years ago) link

This is what we have all been waiting for:

“Not even death will stop the avalanche that is coming” he said. “The die is cast. There can be no turning back. Let the chips fall where they fall.”

Petite Lamela (ShariVari), Thursday, 4 June 2015 05:15 (five years ago) link

At this rate, FIFA is about to reveal that Leo Messi never existed.

Van Horn Street, Thursday, 4 June 2015 20:02 (five years ago) link

BBC investigation: Warner's not innocent either

StanM, Sunday, 7 June 2015 12:06 (five years ago) link

Bears, popes etc.

Willibald Pirckheimers Briefwechsel (Tom D.), Sunday, 7 June 2015 12:33 (five years ago) link

it's the right decision. it was never going to be a comfortable journey for fifa with such a weak blatter

― Frank 4ad (...), Tuesday, June 2, 2015 6:57 PM (1 week ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink


― 𝔠𝔞𝔢𝔨 (...), Tuesday, June 2, 2015 6:58 PM (1 week ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Okay, now I'm wondering if there's a fantastic pun doing the rounds that only I have missed up till now, or whether it's just a fantastic potential pun that only works if you know Norwegian: A traditional word for "urinary tract infection" in Norwegian translates directly into English as "bladder catarrh".

anatol_merklich, Wednesday, 10 June 2015 22:09 (five years ago) link

two weeks pass...
three weeks pass...

dan m, Monday, 20 July 2015 16:18 (five years ago) link

Like the sadness in his eyes in the still, like Drake in a strip club

tsrobodo, Monday, 20 July 2015 16:23 (five years ago) link

expression on blatter's face as the cash rains down reminding me of

bizarro gazzara, Monday, 20 July 2015 17:12 (five years ago) link

two months pass...

No shortage of LOLs

Terry Micawber (Tom D.), Thursday, 8 October 2015 10:50 (five years ago) link

one month passes...

CONCACAF & CONMEBOL heads arrested, again, today, along with others.

pratt truss it (dan m), Thursday, 3 December 2015 22:42 (five years ago) link

lonely guy

jason waterfalls (gbx), Friday, 4 December 2015 00:51 (five years ago) link

two weeks pass...

Sepp Blatter and the longtime Fifa president’s one-time heir apparent, Michel Platini, have been banned from football for eight years, ending the career of the former and definitively derailing the vaulting ambitions of the latter.

The Fifa ethics committee, chaired by the German judge Hans-Joachim Eckert, has ruled that both men should be banned despite their protestations that they did nothing wrong when Blatter paid the Uefa president 2m Swiss francs (£1.35m) in 2011, nine years after both men claimed it was originally due.

The committee found that: “Mr Blatter, in his position as president of Fifa, authorised the payment to Mr Platini which had no legal basis in the written agreement signed between both officials on 25 August 1999. Neither in his written statement nor in his personal hearing was Mr Blatter able to demonstrate another legal basis for this payment. His assertion of an oral agreement was determined as not convincing and was rejected by the chamber.”

In addition to being banned, Blatter was fined 50,000 Swiss francs or £34,000 and Platini 80,000 Swiss francs or £54,000.

Number None, Monday, 21 December 2015 08:55 (five years ago) link

Blatter conducting a classic press conference right now, juicy quotes left, right and centre.

Anyway, it's not a three, it's a yogh. (Tom D.), Monday, 21 December 2015 10:43 (five years ago) link

This + the results of the Spanish election = my kind of xmas.

xyzzzz__, Monday, 21 December 2015 12:10 (five years ago) link

Let's go, FIFA!

Lionel Richie the Wardrobe (Nasty, Brutish & Short), Monday, 21 December 2015 14:46 (five years ago) link

two months pass...

habeas fifam

mookieproof, Friday, 26 February 2016 17:06 (five years ago) link

Switzerland 12 points

Cosmic Slop, Friday, 26 February 2016 17:10 (five years ago) link

Fifa presidential election: Gianni Infantino succeeds Sepp Blatter

...Prince Ali bin al-Hussein was third with four, while Jerome Champagne failed to get any. Tokyo Sexwale withdrew before voting began in Zurich....

For bodies we are ready to build pyramids (wtev), Friday, 26 February 2016 17:38 (five years ago) link

Tokyo sexwale what a name

a hoy hoy, Friday, 26 February 2016 20:11 (five years ago) link

one month passes...
one year passes...

And here we go

Ned Raggett, Tuesday, 27 June 2017 16:53 (three years ago) link

Hi Mr Warner:
Jamaica owes the english FA 215,000 USD and another 18500 USD
to a private english firm. You are one of the most powerful man in
Football and the english FA were at our CFU Congress. Mr
Warner is it possible for you to ask the english FA to waive Jamaica
debt. This is an emergency. - Neville Pennant

r|t|c, Tuesday, 27 June 2017 19:11 (three years ago) link

could quote from the warner / england 2018 section all night, comedy gold

r|t|c, Tuesday, 27 June 2017 19:16 (three years ago) link

A good local rundown on the bits of the report relating to Uncle Jack.

Wag1 Shree Rajneesh (ShariVari), Thursday, 29 June 2017 16:37 (three years ago) link

5. Efforts to Mask Ties to Messrs. Beckenbauer and Radmann

Internal bid team correspondence and documents indicate that Australia 2022 officials actively tried to conceal aspects of Fedor Radmann’s role with the bid team because of Mr. Radmann’s ties to Franz Beckenbauer. [...] Later in his email, Mr. Hargitay wrote:

"In order to maintain maximum confidentiality, I want to name our project “Road through Babylon” and our two key contacts “F&F.”"

r|t|c, Thursday, 29 June 2017 17:06 (three years ago) link

one year passes...


imago, Tuesday, 18 June 2019 10:11 (one year ago) link

I'll lol only if Qatar gets (literally) cancelled.

pomenitul, Tuesday, 18 June 2019 10:19 (one year ago) link

that's fair

imago, Tuesday, 18 June 2019 10:20 (one year ago) link

One can dream, I'spose

Uptown VONC (Le Bateau Ivre), Tuesday, 18 June 2019 10:20 (one year ago) link

three months pass...

The year is 1986. The sign on Maradona's shirt says "No drugs" , on Platini's "No to corruption" 🤣

— Rumen Tabakov (@minimal1023) October 5, 2019


calzino, Sunday, 6 October 2019 08:22 (one year ago) link

Sadly Platini's doesnt say no corruption

Seany's too Dyche to mention (jim in vancouver), Sunday, 6 October 2019 10:27 (one year ago) link

No rogues.

Let them eat Pfifferlinge an Schneckensauce (Tom D.), Sunday, 6 October 2019 11:19 (one year ago) link

one year passes...

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