Blue Saturday

thread of mumbling to myself. you can play too.

Playlist, shuffled

Popol Vuh - Hosianna Mantra
Actress - Splazsh
Paysage d'Hiver - Kristall & Isa
v/a - Mystic Records Presents We Got Power - Party or Go Home
Alva Noto - Xerrox Vol. 2
Debris - Static Disposal
Pere Ubu - The Modern Dance
Pussy Galore - Exile on Main Street
Decayes - Not Yet!
Ulver - Nattens Madrigal
Edgar Varèse - noise interpolations from "Déserts"
Orbital - Brown Album
The Fall - Escape Route from the Wonderful and Frightening World of
John Beltran - Earth and Nightfall
Celtic Frost - To Mega Therion
Expo '70 - Animism & Black Ohms

add zoloft and low-grade hangover, play freecell, lean back, stir

freecell is fucking tedious tbh.

spent a lot of time this week watching young people going about their business, wondered why the fuck they were bothering for the most part. humans' sense of a worthwhile life/survival is pretty fucking tedious tbh.

i mean we are ape-y and not much imbued with magic or wonder

have been semi-inclined to go to Beverley and get properly drunk and lost today, out of spite and dickishness really, but this feels like a more satisfactory and less damaging way of getting some of that out of my system. damn i love a temporary solution tho. temporary dissolution.

okay, "Remind" is proper classic. lolstalgia. here is a notable story from the annals of Hull history

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/article145635.ece

the other weekend we decided there should be a giant animatronic goat-fucker alongside the railway line just before the station, with a neon "Welcome to Hull" sign over it

i missed the last d off of "Edgard", I know

lolstalgia. jaysus

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YMFspaHFl3Q&feature=related

in the service of full disclosure, obv. there's not much more ridiculous than middle age, but youth is probly one of the things

http://www.sabotagetimes.com/wp-content/uploads/Hull-Fair-7.jpg

so in love with the decent past but this picture could've been took anytime, really

city lost to time, city that fell from grace with the sea

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=px5RkcwxkZQ

oh Hessle Road

half fucked now but still classic

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c6bWJd44i-o

best band ever btw

http://bill.terebenthine.free.fr/images/spiders_from_mars.jpg

This is the 2nd best band from Hull ever. They were still Quite Good.

http://bill.terebenthine.free.fr/images/spiders_from_mars.jpg

man this tension between wanting to escape and knowing i won't escape very far, tawdriness in advance, wanting a pub with chet baker on the jukey or at the least Stock Aitken and Watermang's "SS Paparazzi" - lolstalgia again tho - can't even get a pint of Double Diamond anywhere now, not sure they still brew it - or that i want it tbh

not sure how much of this is the medicine flexing its muscles either but

not cut out for another 5 - 50 years of this really and pondering whether maintaining a facade of functional dignity is doing anybody any favours when i shd be beatniking it out in the wilds of this hilarious city

http://www.heritagepubs.org.uk/images/pubphotos/Hull-OldeWhiteHart-MainBar.jpg

Allegedly - tho you know history and publicity make bitch liars and memory is quite rewriteable - this is where we started to win the Civil War. Charles was keen on coming into the city and securing the arsenal and the docks but local capitalist plutocrat guys got together in this pub and told the mayor to lock the gates and tell him to get tae fuck. which he did, against his will. this pub is really cosy and still pub-esque, which y'know is an increasingly rare fucking commodity in the 2K10s. also where i heard some dude being accused of being "racist against gays".

Pubs I have loved: the Piper, the Gardener's, Hockneys when it were old and working man's clubbish, the Golden Ball, the Engineers, the Mint, the Black Boy, the Olde White Hart, the Schnapps Bar, the Empress, the Star of the West RIP you were a beautiful dump, the Station, the Turnpike and that stupid sports bar at the back where I watched us win the play-offs and got so splattered by half time I didn't remember a fucking thing about it, also where I watched Eubank fuck up Watson but missed the fatal punch and said something unfortunate about him not getting tagged that hard

interrupted because our joel just texted to inform me that a pet shop in town is selling bird food labelled "6 fat balls for wild birds"

and I KNOW HOW IT FEELS

http://www.eyorks.com/hullpub/

this virtual pub crawl is kinda sick-making with lolstalgia. the probable siberian wind knifing ice-sleet into yr face is doing a good job of keeping my safe in the house tho. am gonna cheat and make myself a little sump'n sump'n now to tilt the balance. might as well be hung for a whole pen full of sheep etc

honest to god there used to be a fishing tackle shop on Anlaby Rd called "Master Baits"

ginger beer, is there anything you don't mix with?

one can't help but feel that social evolution is something of a pig in that it discards all use for male libido about 30 fucking years before yr male does

NON-ALIGNMENT PACT YES BANG ON TIME

am looping that fucker

don't know when i, when i'll be conte-eh-eh-ent btw

really tho motivation is a funny thing. i dunno that aristotle was right about the unexamined life not being worth living but fuck i seem to see a lot of unexamination going down. ruminants. being a ruminant is plenty cool if you like cud tho. absolutely don't despise peoples alignments with themselves, just am wickedly out of sync and not getting how to get my groove "back" ha like it's been there since what 10? 5? seem to remember being reasonable centred playing army on the grass square at the top of our street but even then i was more of a cloud watcher rilly.

you reach this point when you think "man i am all ego self-centred aspie not good for people observer only bollocks" and that's a thing that you can be, one doesn't like to think it about yourself but we aren't all cut out for being productive and reasonable and loveable guys really

ginger ale not great with sambuca fwiw

got no real issues with the rest

yeah that seems true, wdn't mix sambuca tho tbh. ginger beer, not ale. I like ginger ale but it's a pretty low key mixer? have an unopened bottle that i might bring into play when the ginger beer runs out unless mrs v comes home and slaps me upside my head

which wd be a dece excuse tbh

we should totally go out on the lash, darragh, it would be most excellent times imo

no issues with that either, but no aristotle pls

i don't do aristotle in the pub, or anywhere else really, dude was shit

most tedious fucking philosopher ever award or maybe leibniz or that twat brother of Henery James's's

i forgot the old fake irish bar appendage to the mainbrace in my list of much loved pubs, and the mainbrace itself, spent a glorious new years eve in there one time off my swede on mushrooms thinking i'd got a glowing sign on my head saying "this dude's on mushrooms"

i miss hallucinogens

booze is a ready, loving, companiable buddy for ALL TIME tho

it was all-encompassing dismissal of discussion of all higher modes of though tbh

For drinking purposes, that is. Time and a place, time and a place

exackly

sport and giant animatronic goat-fucker tableaux are ideal pub convos tbh

don't even take my "oh pity poor me i is so sad" face to the boozer, it is NOT THE PLACE

i wouldnt trust booze with my money or missus but i'll go drinking with him alright.

not that i is so sad, i am kinda focused and edgy and probly not real level-headed but sadness is sort of not there except an impending "i like where this relationship is going" gif sadness and wondering hmmm can i keep up a veneer of not-great for another 10 years or so until the kids are all safely launched

goat fucker convo def has icebreaker value

he is an hull legend. shd definitely feature in the publicity blurb imo, also he is one of those dudes where everybody you meet knows somebody who knows him

but this is like the biggest village in the world so

six degrees of separation in hull = about 3

fond memories of P4ul H34ton allegedly fending off Poll Tax bailiffs with an air rifle from his Grafton Street mansion

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2sNffR-yTA4

our civic anthem

reckon a goatfucker or similar on the sound bridge would put achill on the map

Ok, on phone, in body lotion section of an actual irl fancy dept store, and my full attn is required. Continue at yr own pace will check validity of the remainder of thread later

suddenly I have Depeche Mode's "Just Can't Get Enough" with the lyric changed to "Just Can't Get It Up" stuck in my head as a good idea for a Weird Al song

am not even dressed yet but gotta admit the water on the windows did inspire a bit of "oh sweet (not)..." earlier. mostly just glad to be the not at work though evne if this afternoon fails in my quest to do anything productive 4th week running.

lucky I have the new Radiohead album to listen to, high spirits ahead!

Knew Saturday would be a bad day to go to Aldi but when you're out of food you're out of food.

triple berry hot cross buns tho

i don't really know where to put the observation that pretending Little and Large were ever funny is some of the most shocking revisionist history i've ever seen

Feels like all the minor celebrities that died before the last 5 years really missed out; since 2015 every cunt gets the Diana treatment for a day at least

it's a strange one when being piss-poor is one of the only aspects of your notability

soon as i dressed for a walk the sky went dark ffs

what size is yr cap

i thought the sunshine would do me good tbh

by the time i've finished going thru the automatic phone system to order a repeat prescription there's a good chance it'll be summer tbf

xp lol sorry i think i've just got it

heh

i don't know where to put this but

WHO FLEW WITH CRABS?! pic.twitter.com/c0cux6Jyyi

— Reese Waters (@reesewaters) April 16, 2020

warning: do not watch if you hate crabs

not really blue just bored af

Been a long time since I rock and rolled

long long time

Been a long lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely

Time

*bad ass riff*

say what you like about the tenets of mawkish sadness, at least it's an ethos

That is a booming dn though.

For real

gonna sit here for a bit

Astyages had a daughter, whom he called Mandane: concerning whom he had a dream, that enough water flowed from her to fill his city and overflow all Asia. He imparted this vision to those of the Magi who interpreted dreams, and when he heard what they told him he was terrified: and presently, Mandane being now of marriageable age, he feared the vision too much to give her to any Median worthy to mate with his family, but wedded her to a Persian called Cambyses, a man whom he knew to be well born and of a quiet temper: for Astyages held Cambyses to be much lower than a Mede of middle estate.

But in the first year of Mandane's marriage to Cambyses Astyages saw a second vision. He dreamt that there grew from his daughter a vine, which covered the whole of Asia. Having seen this vision, and imparted it to the interpreters of dreams, he sent to the Persians for his daughter, then near her time, and when she came kept her guarded, desiring to kill whatever child she might bear: for the interpreters declared that the meaning of this dream was that his daughter's offspring should rule in his place.

Jesus Haribo Christ it's warm

It’s so bad

I like the warm but ffs, got a fan on my bed tho lol

If i could strip skin i would be doing so

*off my own

Good Cher single

Such a deep luxurious blue today, my thick quilty armor stitched from equal parts loneliness and freedom, such a gorgeous sadness I just wanna roll in it. Wish the sun would join me but as long as the rain doesn't fall I am going out to revel in being alone amongst friends and strangers. The syrup of melancholy, the maraschino of the blues.

The syrup of melancholy, the maraschino of the blues

I keep hearing this in the gravelly Leonard Cohen voice but really it is quite the line.

no poetry like sentimentalizing fuckery :D

Later, when I'm hungover and my mouth tastes like a burnt out cigar, this is to remind me that today has been really good and coloured with love and friendship

*hat tip*

They’re selling Christmas cards at the scope shop

That was a purely unintentional desolation row homage lol

how can it ever be Christmas when 2020 has lasted a hundred years?

Of ffs soz

l'imaginaire is my worst frenemy

feel so at odds with the universe

(that's all, just putting it here to stop this feeling going round my head on loop and maybe I can get on with having other thoughts instead. sorry to interrupt your day)

I feel that. Have felt depressed this week, which I blame on going out for dinner last week and it hitting me like a tonne how much i miss people. I have been someone who is a loner since I was old enough to walk, this is really strange for me.

maybe a breakthru i had in counselling this year was realising i'm always gonna be at least a bit at odds with this society and that's ok, it's a bad society, i don't wanna belong to it

the rona has brought in whole new layers of boring dystopia, even the escape routes that used to be normally available have been closed or curtailed. the words "new normal" are on my death list like "these times" but if this is going to be our world for the foreseeable then i'm trying not to think too hard about it, the extra sheets of glassy isolation between us, the pseudo-curfews, the closing down of what world there is

there were some good things and some pleasures to be found in the lockdown, but now all we've got is shitty England consumerworld, now with fewer bonus features. sooner i can afford to drink more the better.

ach, the feelings come and go

and fuck me i really miss karaoke

Lads I'm finding it really hard to get out of bed lately

I’m sorry, tell us about it at least. It’s the length of this thing isn’t it?

It's a bunch of stuff, just being bothered to push back against gentle despair, too much regret for things I've done, too lazy and anxious to get back into work. I keep worrying I'm going to hit depression again and I don't think I'm there yet but I'm emulating the outer forms. I think (badly) managing no money is kind of exhausting too, makes me wanna stay in and do nothing.

I still feel at a point where I could just jump up and start to do something about it but then every morning - lol this is morning - the weight of apathy settles down

Me being overly dramatic in yr thread NV and part of it definitely the lack of sleep I had last night but fuck it all today, right? Really feels great being in a better position to the majority of my family and friends and still feeling that there’s no future worth having for most people my age and younger, only endless grubbing for coins and fluffing of fascists, and the people who should stand for you are embarrassed by you but still demand your support. Lol @ me thinking I would stop being hurt by politics after the exit poll and it still having the power to do so almost a year on.

Sorry, as you were.

It's fine

You know, of course, that I feel you

You’re a fave for a reason mate ❤️

Not sure being a key figurehead for despair is a good thing but lol me