Be a “Creature” Unlike Any Other: Best chapter title from THE RULES poll

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This book came out in 1995, and my mom was not the only mom all to eager to purchase it for her daughters & hammer home its message: if you call a man, he thinks you're a slut! The system was not only arbitrary, but complicated. Anyway, I think the chapter titles are kind of sad but mostly lol.

Poll Results

OptionVotes
* 36: If the Rules Don't Work, Put Out. 12
* 31: Don't Discuss The Rules with Your Therapist. 7
* 20: Be Honest but Mysterious 2
* 01: Be a “Creature” Unlike Any Other 2
* 23: Don't Date a Married Man 1
* 13: Don’t See Him More than Once or Twice a Week 1
* 16: Don't Tell Him What to Do 1
* 27: Do The Rules, Even when Your Friends & Parents Think It's Nuts 1
* 26: Even if You're Engaged or Married, You Still Need The Rules 1
* 03: Don't Stare at Men or Talk Too Much 1
* 07: Don't Accept a Saturday Night Date after Wednesday 1
* 25: Practice, Practice, Practice! (or, Getting Good at The Rules) 0
* 24: Slowly Involve Him in Your Family & Other Rules for Women with Children 0
* 28: Be Smart and Other Rules for Dating in High School 0
* 29: Take Care of Yourself and Other Rules for Dating in College 0
* 30: NEXT! & Other Rules for Dealing with Rejection 0
* 02: Don't Talk to a Man First (and Don't Ask Him to Dance) 0
* 32: Don't Break The Rules! 0
* 33: Do The Rules and You’ll Live Happily Ever After! 0
* 34: Love Only Those Who Love You 0
* 35: Be Easy to Live With 0
* 05: Don't Call Him & Rarely Return His Calls 0
* 22: Don’t Live with a Man (or Leave Your Things in His Apartment) 0
* 06: Always End Phone Calls and dates First 0
* 08: Fill Up Your Time before the Date 0
* 09: How to Act on Dates 1,2, & 3 End the date first especially if you like him. 0
* 10: How to Act on Dates 4 through Commitment Time 0
* 11: Always end the date first 0
* 12: Stop Dating Him if He Doesn't Buy You a Romantic Gift for Your Birthday or Valentine's Day 0
* 14: No More than Casual Kissing on the First Date 0
* 15: Don't Rush into Sex & Other Rules for Intimacy 0
* 17: Let Him Take the Lead 0
* 18: Don't Expect a Man to Change or Try to Change Him 0
* 04: Don't Meet Him Halfway or Go Dutch on a Date 0
* 21: Accentuate the Positive & Other Rules for Personal Ads 0
* 19: Don’t Open Up Too Fast 0


breaking that little dog's heart chakra (Abbott), Saturday, 26 June 2010 15:44 (eleven years ago) link

36: If the Rules Don't Work, Put Out.

if this does not win by like a monumental margin i will be shocked

AESTHOLE (jjjusten), Saturday, 26 June 2010 15:46 (eleven years ago) link

I kind of want to vote for "Don't Discuss The Rules with Your Therapist," because it is so cult-like.

breaking that little dog's heart chakra (Abbott), Saturday, 26 June 2010 15:47 (eleven years ago) link

I can't get past "creature", although I did use that as a pet name for someone once.

kkvgz, Saturday, 26 June 2010 15:51 (eleven years ago) link

is this still in print? because i should go buy a copy for K and see how long it takes before she punches me

AESTHOLE (jjjusten), Saturday, 26 June 2010 15:53 (eleven years ago) link

Only the hardcover version is in print. "If he'll only buy you in paperback, he isn't really into you."

breaking that little dog's heart chakra (Abbott), Saturday, 26 June 2010 15:55 (eleven years ago) link

I'm sure it's one of those things haunting every used book store, though, much like Butter Blasters cookbooks and the poetry of Rod McKean.

breaking that little dog's heart chakra (Abbott), Saturday, 26 June 2010 15:56 (eleven years ago) link

I mean Rod McKuen.

breaking that little dog's heart chakra (Abbott), Saturday, 26 June 2010 15:56 (eleven years ago) link

Rod McKuen also haunts every salvation army record section. Still love that he was half of the people that did the Dr. Demento classic "I'm a Mummy", but he called himself Dor because he am srs artist

AESTHOLE (jjjusten), Saturday, 26 June 2010 15:59 (eleven years ago) link

What dude. Rod McKuen was involved in "The Mummy"?

kkvgz, Saturday, 26 June 2010 16:01 (eleven years ago) link

That song gets a lot of rotation in my house.

kkvgz, Saturday, 26 June 2010 16:03 (eleven years ago) link

That is some A+ Rod McKuen trivia.

breaking that little dog's heart chakra (Abbott), Saturday, 26 June 2010 16:05 (eleven years ago) link

i aim to please!

AESTHOLE (jjjusten), Saturday, 26 June 2010 16:07 (eleven years ago) link

Whoa, according to an NYT article, "The film rights to the first book have been sold, for $250,000." What ever happened with that?

breaking that little dog's heart chakra (Abbott), Saturday, 26 June 2010 16:08 (eleven years ago) link

It's still in print in *any* form?

::boggle::

I mean, what, even after Rules-writing lady got a bitter, nasty divorce from her Rules-gained husband and invalidated Rule 33 and everything that came before it?

Cornish Kraffthwyrken (Masonic Boom), Saturday, 26 June 2010 16:09 (eleven years ago) link

DID it invalidate rule 36, though?

breaking that little dog's heart chakra (Abbott), Saturday, 26 June 2010 16:10 (eleven years ago) link

Rule 36 is just bizarre - like, doesn't that invalidate the entire practice entirely?

(Must confess: I have never read The Rules nor desired to read The Rules.)

((I have Read The Rules but I think that's just a watmm thing))

Cornish Kraffthwyrken (Masonic Boom), Saturday, 26 June 2010 16:11 (eleven years ago) link

Or is Rule 36 more like "oh well, if he doesn't want to marry you but he's still cute then go ahead and bonk him because it won't make a difference anyway" ???

Cornish Kraffthwyrken (Masonic Boom), Saturday, 26 June 2010 16:12 (eleven years ago) link

Whoa, according to an NYT article, "The film rights to the first book have been sold, for $250,000." What ever happened with that?

the putative producers were just not that into it

dell (del), Saturday, 26 June 2010 16:13 (eleven years ago) link

Tired of playing games?

http://img.infibeam.com/img/d5297937/488/4/9780440224488.jpg

dell (del), Saturday, 26 June 2010 16:14 (eleven years ago) link

NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH "THE RULES"

breaking that little dog's heart chakra (Abbott), Saturday, 26 June 2010 16:15 (eleven years ago) link

#3 is great.

dell (del), Saturday, 26 June 2010 16:16 (eleven years ago) link

They actually followed the Rules themselves? I saw them on a few talk shows when the book came out, and I got the distinct impression that they thought of the whole thing as a joke.

Christine Green Leafy Dragon Indigo, Saturday, 26 June 2010 16:18 (eleven years ago) link

How about...

http://www.talshiar.org/Rules/Rulebook.jpg

Cornish Kraffthwyrken (Masonic Boom), Saturday, 26 June 2010 16:21 (eleven years ago) link

The Ferengi: A "Creature" unlike any other

breaking that little dog's heart chakra (Abbott), Saturday, 26 June 2010 16:23 (eleven years ago) link

Indeed.

Cornish Kraffthwyrken (Masonic Boom), Saturday, 26 June 2010 16:24 (eleven years ago) link

"When you do the Rules, you cut down on domestic violence," says Schneider, with stunning confidence. "[Men] are so crazy about you, they never ignore you or abuse you. And you don't have cheating."

breaking that little dog's heart chakra (Abbott), Saturday, 26 June 2010 16:30 (eleven years ago) link

xpost http://memory-alpha.org/wiki/Rules_of_Acquisition
(the fact that a site like Memory Alpha surely means that, Rules or not, civilisation is doomed)

display-name aesthete (snoball), Saturday, 26 June 2010 19:07 (eleven years ago) link

Or better still...
Red Dwarf Space Corp Directives

display-name aesthete (snoball), Saturday, 26 June 2010 19:09 (eleven years ago) link

07: Don't Accept a Saturday Night Date after Wednesday

wtf? But what about rule #7 for guys, "Asking for a Saturday night date before Wednesday will make you seem like you're taking things waaaaay too seriously", and rule #8, "If you ask for a Saturday night date after Wednesday and she turns you down, but it seems like she didn't really have a good reason for turning you down and didn't really have other plans, than she is really weird and you should look for a date with someone else"?

Come along, we shall dine at an expensive French restaurant. (Z S), Saturday, 26 June 2010 19:19 (eleven years ago) link

Never Place Friendship Above Profit: Ferenghis otm

VegemiteGrrrl, Saturday, 26 June 2010 19:21 (eleven years ago) link

Ferenghi rules a lot easier to follow imo

VegemiteGrrrl, Saturday, 26 June 2010 19:21 (eleven years ago) link

If you ask for a Saturday night date after Wednesday and she turns you down, but it seems like she didn't really have a good reason for turning you down and didn't really have other plans, than she is really weird and you should look for a date with someone else?

OTM! The Rules seem like a good way to get rejected by guys who are sane or have boundaries.

breaking that little dog's heart chakra (Abbott), Saturday, 26 June 2010 19:23 (eleven years ago) link

That's because Rule #12 for Guys is "Never sleep with anyone crazier than you are."

display-name aesthete (snoball), Saturday, 26 June 2010 19:28 (eleven years ago) link

That's ok, a Rules Girl never has sex (unless she's married, and then she never initiates sex).

breaking that little dog's heart chakra (Abbott), Saturday, 26 June 2010 19:28 (eleven years ago) link

That's what gets me – even after marriage, you still can't make the first move!

breaking that little dog's heart chakra (Abbott), Saturday, 26 June 2010 19:29 (eleven years ago) link

If all straight women followed these Rules and all straight guys followed the "negging" rules in The Game, the human race would be extinct.

display-name aesthete (snoball), Saturday, 26 June 2010 19:31 (eleven years ago) link

http://www.startline.org.uk/SLOL20/hidehi_2226.jpg
"First rule of comedy, Spike..."

display-name aesthete (snoball), Saturday, 26 June 2010 19:33 (eleven years ago) link

So many worthy choices! For me, it's a tough call between "Don't Discuss the Rules with Your Therapist" and "If the Rules Don't Work, Put Out".

Aimless, Saturday, 26 June 2010 20:38 (eleven years ago) link

That's what gets me – even after marriage, you still can't make the first move!

Because obv the Rules are not about love in any conceivable form, but all about accruing maximum power.

Aimless, Saturday, 26 June 2010 20:54 (eleven years ago) link

had to go for the therapist one, it's like a fight club

Nhex, Saturday, 26 June 2010 21:26 (eleven years ago) link

http://i50.tinypic.com/23kb39c.jpg
^followed all the rules except for the last one^

Come along, we shall dine at an expensive French restaurant. (Z S), Saturday, 26 June 2010 21:31 (eleven years ago) link

xposts

I'm not sure that they are about accumulating maximum power per se as much as they are about orchestrating a relationship based upon all sorts of dubious assumptions along "Men are from Mars..." type models which would maintain that women and men are so vastly different from each other that one need employ all manner of machination in order to achieve one's "relationship goals". I don't doubt that generally speaking, one can find observable differences in the ways that men and women tend to approach sex, romance, relationships, dating, what have you...but the idea that the opposite sex presents as some alien entity that one need go to elaborate measures to decode and borderline deceive has always bugged and sort of mystified me. it seems much more rewarding to relax and approach potential mates as one would a friend one longs to be closer to

dell (del), Saturday, 26 June 2010 21:35 (eleven years ago) link

http://i50.tinypic.com/245hwtz.jpg
^followed all the rules and landed a husband^

Come along, we shall dine at an expensive French restaurant. (Z S), Saturday, 26 June 2010 21:35 (eleven years ago) link

* 31: Don't Discuss The Rules with Your Therapist.

wtf

the most horrifying moment in shallow grave (abanana), Saturday, 26 June 2010 21:39 (eleven years ago) link

* 34: Love Only Those Who Love You

http://i46.tinypic.com/2nqxpoh.jpg
^rulebreaker^

Come along, we shall dine at an expensive French restaurant. (Z S), Saturday, 26 June 2010 21:42 (eleven years ago) link

I imagine "Don't discuss The Rules with your therapist" is kind of like my family's "don't go to women's empowerment groups" rule – they might make you get off of a fucked-up train.

breaking that little dog's heart chakra (Abbott), Saturday, 26 June 2010 21:56 (eleven years ago) link

(My aunt got divorced & left the Mormon Church after going to a "women's empowerment group" so my family sees them as being tools of Sainten.)

breaking that little dog's heart chakra (Abbott), Saturday, 26 June 2010 21:58 (eleven years ago) link

two weeks pass...

Automatic thread bump. This poll is closing tomorrow.

System, Monday, 12 July 2010 23:01 (eleven years ago) link

Jesus, "Dont discuss the Rules with yr therapist" is the creepiest fucking shit I've ever read. On multiple levels.

Gumbercules (Trayce), Tuesday, 13 July 2010 00:09 (eleven years ago) link

Automatic thread bump. This poll's results are now in.

System, Tuesday, 13 July 2010 23:01 (eleven years ago) link

blowout by 36 and 31, I guess I'll know which chapters to skip to when I read the Rules

1967 Dragnet episode (Z S), Tuesday, 13 July 2010 23:22 (eleven years ago) link

I will be a creature from the black leather lagoon.

Gumbercules (Trayce), Tuesday, 13 July 2010 23:44 (eleven years ago) link

blowout by 36 and 31, I guess I'll know which chapters to skip to when I read the Rules

all the others?

Mordy, Tuesday, 13 July 2010 23:55 (eleven years ago) link

two months pass...

Is this just the female equivalent of PUA game?

Mormons come out of the sky and they stand there (Abbbottt), Tuesday, 21 September 2010 00:03 (eleven years ago) link

both are essentially lessons in "how to emotionally manipulate others & give you a sense of control in a chaotic situation"

4 my muthafuckin mods (crüt), Tuesday, 21 September 2010 00:06 (eleven years ago) link

Both try to convince people that men and women haven't changed in any significant way since the early Seventies.

Christine Green Leafy Dragon Indigo, Tuesday, 21 September 2010 02:31 (eleven years ago) link

ha, yes, yes, yes

dude (del), Tuesday, 21 September 2010 02:38 (eleven years ago) link

I still love "Don't Stare at Men or Talk Too Much"!!

dude (del), Tuesday, 21 September 2010 02:43 (eleven years ago) link

one year passes...

lol oh Jesus that's bad

wolf kabob (ENBB), Monday, 20 February 2012 01:48 (nine years ago) link

This is such a hideous book.... it, for example, advises women to pretend to be to busy to take phone calls as not to appear overeager, which in turn will attract men by making them try harder to win you over. Really? Here's a better idea - instead pretending to be busy, live a rich life where you really are busy doing interesting things? It will be more fun for you, and, not coincidentlally, also make you more attractive to men.

The whole gist of the book seems to be: be a passive wallflower and men will go through hoops wanting to marry you. Lost seems to be the importance of finding a man who you'd actually (i)want(/i) to be married to. It's relentlessly self-contradicting - "You're a Rules girl! Your life is never on the edge because of a man." But women who buy into this drivel are *always* on edge because they're obsessed with getting married and will incessantly subvert their every action in pursuit of that goal.

It offers up such gems as "Don't tell him that his behavior (being 30 min. late for a date) reminds you of your ex-boyfriend who was also never on time. Even if this is true, don't tell him. Don't worry. By doing The Rules, you will automatically attract a loving, attentive husband who will be around so much that you won't have time to think about your abanadonment issues!". No, you'll attract chronically rude men who'll walk all over you every chance they get, secure in the knowledge that they can be unpunctual and thoughtless with impunity.

gawd, what nonsense....

everything else is secondary (Lee626), Monday, 20 February 2012 07:23 (nine years ago) link

sry about the misspellings and mispunctuation

everything else is secondary (Lee626), Monday, 20 February 2012 07:24 (nine years ago) link

'Doing' rules is odd terminology. Like something a four year-old would say.

Inevitable stupid samba mix (chap), Monday, 20 February 2012 13:03 (nine years ago) link


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