What movie is most likely to get caught in your challopian tube?

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Hmm probably Titanic or Crash (not the Cronenberg one) for me. I can't remember why but I had high hopes for Titanic and left the theater not just disappointed but positively embittered. I vowed to never watch another James Cameron film ever. And Crash is just Crash... a rape-o saves one of his victims from a burning car. Might make a good News of the Weird item but is that a story that even merits retelling... and to think, someone made it up. OK there's been enough Crash-bashing on this site huh.

canadian teen queen (wanko ergo sum), Tuesday, 29 September 2009 18:16 (twelve years ago) link

Juno and I've never seen it

Finney People (Whiney G. Weingarten), Tuesday, 29 September 2009 18:16 (twelve years ago) link

Higher Learning

Your heartbeat soun like sasquatch feet (polyphonic), Tuesday, 29 September 2009 18:17 (twelve years ago) link

of stuff I saw in the theater, I don't think anything actively pissed me off as much as American Beauty

man, motherfuck a paddington bear (Shakey Mo Collier), Tuesday, 29 September 2009 18:17 (twelve years ago) link

Yeah I heard a 30 second clip of Juno on NPR and u rite

canadian teen queen (wanko ergo sum), Tuesday, 29 September 2009 18:17 (twelve years ago) link

<img>http://cribbster.files.wordpress.com/2009/07/billy-zane.jpg<;/img>
would you just look at this!

canadian teen queen (wanko ergo sum), Tuesday, 29 September 2009 18:26 (twelve years ago) link

Buffalo 66.

kate78, Tuesday, 29 September 2009 18:26 (twelve years ago) link

<img>http://cribbster.files.wordpress.com/2009/07/billy-zane.jpg<;/img> xp

canadian teen queen (wanko ergo sum), Tuesday, 29 September 2009 18:26 (twelve years ago) link

I don't understand all of the Crash hate on ILX. Great movie? No. Oscar worthy? Hell to the no. Overdramatic with reliance on way too many cliches? Of course. I still thought it was a midly entertaining flick, not worth tossing up there as one of the worst movies of all time though.

For me, Battlefield Earth. I'm still pissed I paid money to sleep through that.

Size-zero-brigade-embrace-token-chubby-chops (jon /via/ chi 2.0), Tuesday, 29 September 2009 18:34 (twelve years ago) link

It is a tie between Equilibrium and this piece of shit, which I watched about 30 minutes of the other night because we lived in Greensboro, NC when it was filmed and David Faustino and Estella Warren (I think it was her) used to work out in my gym and Carey Elwes ate in the restaurant where I worked all the time:

http://dvdmedia.ign.com/dvd/image/article/762/762874/national-lampoons-pucked-20070305030012679-000.jpg

It was brutally, horribly bad.

she is writing about love (Jenny), Tuesday, 29 September 2009 18:35 (twelve years ago) link

American Beauty infuriated me...I was livid by the time I had left the theater. Still do not understand the love for it.

Crash is probably a close second.

They bring out my inner Annie Wilkes: HAVE YOU PEOPLE ALL GOT AMNEEEEESIA??? HE DIDN'T GET OUT OF THE COCKADOODIE CAR!!

VegemiteGrrrl, Tuesday, 29 September 2009 18:38 (twelve years ago) link

hate pretty much anything this guy has written/directed/starred in
http://zenquality.files.wordpress.com/2007/09/ed-burns.jpg
lol at "wild promise"

tylerw, Tuesday, 29 September 2009 18:39 (twelve years ago) link

it's hard for me to think of anything I hate that much because I don't have to watch anything and am pretty choosey about what I bother to go see in a theater. but as far as big disappointments go, the Hitchhiker's Guide movie was pretty damn bad. For rentals, I think the Changeling was the most recent movie that I watched all the way through, hating every minute of it.

akm, Tuesday, 29 September 2009 18:39 (twelve years ago) link

Leaving Las Vegas. I'd like it better if everyone just went ahead and killed themselves ten minutes in and saved me the remaining 90 minutes or whatever to get on with something else.

Johnny Fever, Tuesday, 29 September 2009 18:41 (twelve years ago) link

Closer.

chap, Tuesday, 29 September 2009 18:41 (twelve years ago) link

Crash is a very close second for me too, though. xp

Johnny Fever, Tuesday, 29 September 2009 18:41 (twelve years ago) link

gosh so many, but i'll go with Full Monty

Great Scott! It's Molecular Man. (Ste), Tuesday, 29 September 2009 18:42 (twelve years ago) link

Crash is definitely a contender for this honor.

Your heartbeat soun like sasquatch feet (polyphonic), Tuesday, 29 September 2009 18:43 (twelve years ago) link

i have a thread for you, tylerw
Defend the Indefensible: Edward Burns

velko, Tuesday, 29 September 2009 18:43 (twelve years ago) link

I mean, with all of the incompetent dreck out there, it'd be a stretch to say that Crash was, like, the worst film ever. But it's definitely one of the most recent films to make me feel angry and insulted and hateful towards it. Me And You And Everyone We Know is another. I think maybe because they're both so self-satisfied and smug and enamoured of their own magic?

"DO YOU SEE?!?"

I HEART CREEPY MENS (Deric W. Haircare), Tuesday, 29 September 2009 18:43 (twelve years ago) link

I bet that Tucker Max movie would be a contender if I bothered to watch it.

Your heartbeat soun like sasquatch feet (polyphonic), Tuesday, 29 September 2009 18:44 (twelve years ago) link

Punchdrunk Love.

hey it's (jel --), Tuesday, 29 September 2009 18:45 (twelve years ago) link

Lost in Translation. Never seen it. American Beauty = abominable, 2nd. Transformers 3rd, and if the newer Transformers is as bad as I hear then throw that one in too.

mmmm, Tuesday, 29 September 2009 18:45 (twelve years ago) link

mmmmorbius

velko, Tuesday, 29 September 2009 18:46 (twelve years ago) link

dammit jel beat me to it

should probably be practising shorthand (country matters), Tuesday, 29 September 2009 18:46 (twelve years ago) link

Love that movie. :(

Your heartbeat soun like sasquatch feet (polyphonic), Tuesday, 29 September 2009 18:47 (twelve years ago) link

how he went boogie nights - PDL - TWBB is completely and utterly beyond my comprehension, it's like aliens abducted him for a year

should probably be practising shorthand (country matters), Tuesday, 29 September 2009 18:47 (twelve years ago) link

Could we maybe just talk about movies we hate because we've actually seen them, please? We get enough "I hate this movie that I've never seen and have no intention of seeing!" in every other film thread. Thanks.

I HEART CREEPY MENS (Deric W. Haircare), Tuesday, 29 September 2009 18:49 (twelve years ago) link

Contact (or basically anything else by Zemeckis)

canadian teen queen (wanko ergo sum), Tuesday, 29 September 2009 18:50 (twelve years ago) link

Can we talk about movies we only watched half of and then turned off?

Your heartbeat soun like sasquatch feet (polyphonic), Tuesday, 29 September 2009 18:50 (twelve years ago) link

i hated cache at the time but i don't know how i'd feel now

mark cl, Tuesday, 29 September 2009 18:52 (twelve years ago) link

forest gump edging out american beauty for me

鬼の手 (Edward III), Tuesday, 29 September 2009 18:55 (twelve years ago) link

Seriously, I did not need to see any more of Pucked to know that it was a dead end street.

But considering movies that I've seen all the way through that I had some positive expectation towards only to find myself betrayed and angry once I paid money to see it, I think There's Something About Mary would be pretty high up there. I also found House of 1000 Corpses to be pretty head-clutchingly bad.

she is writing about love (Jenny), Tuesday, 29 September 2009 18:56 (twelve years ago) link

oh btw my real actual answer is jointly held by 'a perfect storm' and 'apollo 13'

should probably be practising shorthand (country matters), Tuesday, 29 September 2009 18:56 (twelve years ago) link

Apollo 13?

Huh.

Your heartbeat soun like sasquatch feet (polyphonic), Tuesday, 29 September 2009 18:57 (twelve years ago) link

Clerks

canadian teen queen (wanko ergo sum), Tuesday, 29 September 2009 18:58 (twelve years ago) link

Can we talk about movies we only watched half of and then turned off?

At least you made the effort, y'know?

I thoroughly prepared myself to hate Juno, and I kinda did hate the beginning of it, but I thought it was okay once it relaxed and stopped trying so hard to impress me.

I HEART CREEPY MENS (Deric W. Haircare), Tuesday, 29 September 2009 18:58 (twelve years ago) link

juno was totally inoffensive for the most part and reasonably watchable

omar little, Tuesday, 29 September 2009 18:59 (twelve years ago) link

Star Wars, for its influence on American film. On its own terms, I like it. But I think it was the turning point when studios discovered that they could make huge returns by marketing films directed solely towards pre-teens and teenagers.

You Are All Sanpaku (Derelict), Tuesday, 29 September 2009 18:59 (twelve years ago) link

The second half of Juno was pretty solid, I thought. I can see how it would make a bad first impression.

Your heartbeat soun like sasquatch feet (polyphonic), Tuesday, 29 September 2009 18:59 (twelve years ago) link

(Don't) try sitting through this sometime:

http://www.slantmagazine.com/film/film_review.asp?ID=3341

A Patch on Blazing Saddles (Dr Morbius), Tuesday, 29 September 2009 19:01 (twelve years ago) link

A Perfect Storm and Apollo 13? Those are as inoffensive and mainstream as modern films get. I can understand maybe seeing through their more emotionally manipulative aspects, but hating them? That just means you have too much animosity towards the world in the first place.

Johnny Fever, Tuesday, 29 September 2009 19:02 (twelve years ago) link

your second sentence is onto something!

should probably be practising shorthand (country matters), Tuesday, 29 September 2009 19:03 (twelve years ago) link

That Tony & Tina thing was playing below the Second City Training Center for the better part of a year, and it always looked and sounded suuuuuuuper obnoxious.

I HEART CREEPY MENS (Deric W. Haircare), Tuesday, 29 September 2009 19:06 (twelve years ago) link

but the "play" was AUDIENCE PARTICIPATION! what a property to make into a film!

A Patch on Blazing Saddles (Dr Morbius), Tuesday, 29 September 2009 19:16 (twelve years ago) link

Hey, they're making films of a wide array of Milton Bradley board games. Seems like anything's fair game at this point, however little sense it makes.

I HEART CREEPY MENS (Deric W. Haircare), Tuesday, 29 September 2009 19:20 (twelve years ago) link

you know what, I think I hated forrest gump even more than forest gump

鬼の手 (Edward III), Tuesday, 29 September 2009 19:24 (twelve years ago) link

Well, let me tell you: don't even bother with Forrrest Gump. Although Forrrrest Gump was actually pretty good.

I HEART CREEPY MENS (Deric W. Haircare), Tuesday, 29 September 2009 19:25 (twelve years ago) link

Fight Club. Hate it so damn much.

Wee Tam and the lolhueg (Jon Lewis), Tuesday, 29 September 2009 19:26 (twelve years ago) link

Nothing brings me closer to ILX than it's blanket condemnation (or thereabouts) of Crash.

boring movies are the most boring (Eric H.), Tuesday, 29 September 2009 19:31 (twelve years ago) link

As far as Stephen King adaptations go, it was better than Apt Pupil. Shawshank I mean

Philip Nunez, Tuesday, 29 September 2009 23:16 (twelve years ago) link

I think people like it because it's not as shit as what they're used to: the actors do their job and the script assumes that you are sober, can follow the dialogue, and won't resent the lack of car chases. It would still be a half forgotten b-movie if it had been produced before 1980, which I understand is the industry cut-off for cable.

Soukesian, Tuesday, 29 September 2009 23:18 (twelve years ago) link

tbf it's probably one of the better SK adaptations to screen. I like the Shining the most of all of them though, but then that's pushing the definition of 'adaptation' pretty far.

VegemiteGrrrl, Tuesday, 29 September 2009 23:20 (twelve years ago) link

Self-importance is the only quality in a movie that brings out hatred imo.

Totally agree, and as such my additions to this thread are Pay It Forward and The Notebook.

franny glass, Tuesday, 29 September 2009 23:30 (twelve years ago) link

a bit too wishy washy for a challop but I didn't get all the OMG over Shawshank. It's kind of beyond me why it's a favorite movie of all time kind of movie. Maybe if someone didn't already know the story it'd be more exciting? Dunno.

yeah i used to be on imdb a lot and it was the top movie on the charts for like 4 years, i just could not wrap my head around it. and it's not even a dislikeable or remarkable enough movie to warrant mounting an attack, it's just a super-weird phenomenon.

alex b. skeaton (tremendoid), Tuesday, 29 September 2009 23:34 (twelve years ago) link

It's because Morgan Freeman is America's cuddly grandpa.

Johnny Fever, Tuesday, 29 September 2009 23:38 (twelve years ago) link

fyi here is the current imdb top 25:

Rank Rating Title Votes
1. 9.1 The Shawshank Redemption (1994) 447,121
2. 9.1 The Godfather (1972) 366,574
3. 9.0 The Godfather: Part II (1974) 214,585
4. 8.9 Il buono, il brutto, il cattivo. (1966) 134,203
5. 8.9 Pulp Fiction (1994) 366,430
6. 8.9 Schindler's List (1993) 242,819
7. 8.8 12 Angry Men (1957) 97,448
8. 8.8 One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest (1975) 186,551
9. 8.8 The Dark Knight (2008) 394,336
10. 8.8 Star Wars: Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back (1980) 248,624
11. 8.8 Casablanca (1942) 151,099
12. 8.8 Star Wars (1977) 291,471
13. 8.8 The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003) 320,266
14. 8.8 Shichinin no samurai (1954) 86,128
15. 8.7 Goodfellas (1990) 200,943
16. 8.7 Rear Window (1954) 105,028
17. 8.7 Cidade de Deus (2002) 142,564
18. 8.7 Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981) 220,286
19. 8.7 Fight Club (1999) 332,512
20. 8.7 The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (2001) 347,127
21. 8.7 C'era una volta il West (1968) 63,184
22. 8.7 The Usual Suspects (1995) 239,441
23. 8.7 Psycho (1960) 126,714
24. 8.6 The Silence of the Lambs (1991) 216,850
25. 8.6 Sunset Blvd. (1950) 47,498

omar little, Tuesday, 29 September 2009 23:41 (twelve years ago) link

Shawshank is not a self-important movie. It's quietly competent. But it really isn't that good.

Soukesian, Tuesday, 29 September 2009 23:42 (twelve years ago) link

The Usual Suspects, ugh. I love twist endings as much as the next person, but if you make a film people can only see once, then you've made a bad film.

Johnny Fever, Tuesday, 29 September 2009 23:42 (twelve years ago) link

Unlike Psycho (just below it on the imdb list), the payoff of the movie is in the suspense, not the twist.

Johnny Fever, Tuesday, 29 September 2009 23:43 (twelve years ago) link

i think shawshawk is pretty all right but weird tonally. it's like a lot of stephen king's work in that way (and in that way it gets it right.) it's this wide-eyed almost innocent-style relating of a tale that's filled with shit like prison rape and murder, and then it all gets tied up in a neat bow at the end with a twist and all of the evil characters paying for their misdeeds with ironic fates.

omar little, Tuesday, 29 September 2009 23:44 (twelve years ago) link

the usual suspects is by far the worst film out of that list imo

omar little, Tuesday, 29 September 2009 23:45 (twelve years ago) link

(by which I mean Psycho wins and The Usual Suspects loses) xxp

Johnny Fever, Tuesday, 29 September 2009 23:45 (twelve years ago) link

There are films in that list that I quite like, but not one that I love, and there's more than a couple that I secretly despise.

Soukesian, Tuesday, 29 September 2009 23:45 (twelve years ago) link

Impossible choice for me between F.Gump and Watchmen.

Hugh Manatee (WmC), Wednesday, 30 September 2009 00:00 (twelve years ago) link

Watchmen wasn't _that_ awful.

I ♠ my display name (sarahel), Wednesday, 30 September 2009 00:02 (twelve years ago) link

I thought it was OK. But just OK. Nowhere near top 20 great.

Soukesian, Wednesday, 30 September 2009 00:06 (twelve years ago) link

On the other hand, I've never seem Forrest Gump, but John Waters was unusually vehement on that one, and, based on the people I know who loved, I really don't think it's going to be my kind of thing at all.

Soukesian, Wednesday, 30 September 2009 00:10 (twelve years ago) link

the subtext of Forrest Gump is that sexually liberated women with liberal politics get AIDS and die.

I ♠ my display name (sarahel), Wednesday, 30 September 2009 00:11 (twelve years ago) link

It's because Morgan Freeman is America's cuddly grandpa.

...who we have sex with and get married to.

I HEART CREEPY MENS (Deric W. Haircare), Wednesday, 30 September 2009 00:12 (twelve years ago) link

the subtext of Forrest Gump is that sexually liberated women with liberal politics get AIDS and die.

― I ♠ my display name (sarahel), Tuesday, September 29, 2009 8:11 PM (1 minute ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

this is a whole genre of movie, the out of control lady movie. i hate it.

horseshoe, Wednesday, 30 September 2009 00:14 (twelve years ago) link

but she redeems herself by marrying the retarded patriot and, of course, having a baby.

I ♠ my display name (sarahel), Wednesday, 30 September 2009 00:17 (twelve years ago) link

Splitting hairs, I know, but I'd say it's "a subplot" rather than "the subtext" of Forrest Gump. The subtext of the film is: stumbling brainlessly through life will lead to a wondrous existence filled with magic and stars.

I HEART CREEPY MENS (Deric W. Haircare), Wednesday, 30 September 2009 00:18 (twelve years ago) link

it isn't a subplot, it is a subtext, but not the only one.

I ♠ my display name (sarahel), Wednesday, 30 September 2009 00:20 (twelve years ago) link

i was alarmed by the pro-jogging undercurrent.

Philip Nunez, Wednesday, 30 September 2009 00:22 (twelve years ago) link

I thought it was about the rape of our Gulf coast's seabed just to please gluttonous Americans who crave shellfish.

Johnny Fever, Wednesday, 30 September 2009 00:24 (twelve years ago) link

Another vote for Donnie Darko, the worst film ever made.

Mordy, Wednesday, 30 September 2009 00:29 (twelve years ago) link

Mordy, have you seen Southland Tales?

I ♠ my display name (sarahel), Wednesday, 30 September 2009 00:32 (twelve years ago) link

Yes. Southland Tales is bad enough to be enjoyable as a shitty movie (not to mention quotable with all those ridiculous The Rock lines). Donnie Darko is just competently enough made to impart absolutely no enjoyment while watching it whatsoever.

Mordy, Wednesday, 30 September 2009 00:35 (twelve years ago) link

Usual Suspects is awesome if only for Benicio Del Toro and his accent/look.

Change Display Name: (Steve Shasta), Wednesday, 30 September 2009 00:51 (twelve years ago) link

On that IMDB list Fight Club would get my vote. I don't hate it, but I dislike it more than most of them.

no-one's hardcore enough to challop Schindler. Cool. That might be be our saving grace, gize.

VegemiteGrrrl, Wednesday, 30 September 2009 01:03 (twelve years ago) link

I have a soft spot for Schindler's List because my mom's a bookkeeper for right-wingers, and it gave me hope that if there were some sort of purge on liberals and lefties, that my family would be similarly saved.

I ♠ my display name (sarahel), Wednesday, 30 September 2009 01:06 (twelve years ago) link

Lost in Translation. I really hate this style of under-scripted movie which then gets praised for being subtle and meaningful cos it's so lacking in substance that people just project whatever they want on to it. Actually come to think of it i might hate Broken Flowers even more.

Number None, Wednesday, 30 September 2009 01:09 (twelve years ago) link

I liked Broken Flowers. And I liked Lost in Translation. But I already cried about LOTR so hack away :)

VegemiteGrrrl, Wednesday, 30 September 2009 01:10 (twelve years ago) link

Actually come to think of it you might hate Bill Murray most.

Roman Polanski now sleeps in prison. (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Wednesday, 30 September 2009 01:11 (twelve years ago) link

I will no longer see any movies where Bill Murray does his deadpan depressive schtick. He should have stopped at Rushmore.

Number None, Wednesday, 30 September 2009 01:16 (twelve years ago) link

And to balance the universe I will see them in your stead. Ah. harmony!

I don't know if everyone a) saw this or b) raved about it but I didn't like 'Tell No One'. And I kind of liked it even less for having had it RAVED to me that it was omg awesome. Really not. You don't get a pass just for having subtitles.

VegemiteGrrrl, Wednesday, 30 September 2009 01:21 (twelve years ago) link

Lost in Translation. I really hate this style of under-scripted movie which then gets praised for being subtle and meaningful cos it's so lacking in substance that people just project whatever they want on to it.

i dunno, i liked it in a 'don't mind spending time with these characters + listening to this music + watching the pretty lights' sort of way but 'under-scripted' still doesn't seem fair. (or at least changes in your direction would prob have doomed what *I* like about it). its charms are fragile but not slight if that makes any sense.

alex b. skeaton (tremendoid), Wednesday, 30 September 2009 01:32 (twelve years ago) link

I just didn't think there was anything there beyond "It can be a bit lonely being in a foreign country on your own and incidentally aren't those Japanese crazy?" You could take a walk round any big city at night with some My Bloody Valentine on your iPod and get the same experience.

Number None, Wednesday, 30 September 2009 01:40 (twelve years ago) link

number none, there is a thread for that POS film where I blather on endlessly but echoing your sentiments in poorer fashion.

Change Display Name: (Steve Shasta), Wednesday, 30 September 2009 01:42 (twelve years ago) link

Yeah i'll shut up about it now. It just bothers me when something so half-arsed gets feted to such a degree.

Number None, Wednesday, 30 September 2009 01:51 (twelve years ago) link

I really liked Lost In Translation the first time I saw it, then a negative review by Momus made me change my mind. His most OTM point IMO is his objection to the film's portrayal of Bill Murray's character as someone likeable, while he's really just a smug, racist prick. And so is Scarlett Johansson. Yet, it's still a beautiful film with an amazing soundtrack, so it's hard to completely hate it.

one boob is free with one (daavid), Wednesday, 30 September 2009 02:12 (twelve years ago) link

surprised that fucking huckabees movie has not been mentioned yet

skeletor, Wednesday, 30 September 2009 02:12 (twelve years ago) link

Has anyone mentioned "The Squid and The Whale" yet?

one boob is free with one (daavid), Wednesday, 30 September 2009 02:13 (twelve years ago) link

No, but thanks for mentioning it. HORRIBLE!

Johnny Fever, Wednesday, 30 September 2009 02:14 (twelve years ago) link

Huckabees was a big bag of WTF.

VegemiteGrrrl, Wednesday, 30 September 2009 02:20 (twelve years ago) link

human traffic, requiem for a dream

i think i just hate all 'young people take drugs' films

electric sound of jim (original version) (electricsound), Wednesday, 30 September 2009 03:42 (twelve years ago) link

I started off taking Huckabees seriously and hated it, then I slowly realised it was completely taking the piss, and decided it was grebt.

this must be what FAIL is really like (ledge), Wednesday, 30 September 2009 08:50 (twelve years ago) link

"about schmidt"

What are the benefits of dating a younger guy, better erections? (darraghmac), Wednesday, 30 September 2009 08:55 (twelve years ago) link


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