First grotesque anal grafted stills for Tom Six's HUMAN CENTIPEDE (Fright Fest 2009 thread)

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I've been thinking that Burger King should do a promotional tie-in with this movie. Something along the lines of "try the new triple decker cheeseburger and share it with your friends!"

Darin, Thursday, 3 June 2010 22:44 (thirteen years ago) link

more like "eat shit!"

least popular happy meal toys ever

gated community of Mordor (jjjusten), Thursday, 3 June 2010 23:59 (thirteen years ago) link

I've been checking Slashdot at -1 threshold and have yet to come across an ASCII Human Centipede. You lose this round, Internet.

Municipal Hare, Monday, 7 June 2010 20:20 (thirteen years ago) link

http://www.etsy.com/listing/48710700/the-human-centipede-necklace

emil.y, Thursday, 10 June 2010 15:58 (thirteen years ago) link

Wow. Yes! Of course!!

fabulous mussels (Jesse), Thursday, 10 June 2010 16:22 (thirteen years ago) link

I'm upset about you destroying my childhood memories.

http://gordonkeith.files.wordpress.com/2009/07/kermitgoatse.jpg

Do you like my indifference curves? (Sanpaku), Thursday, 10 June 2010 16:46 (thirteen years ago) link

we think this film serves a valuable service in readying the masses for the concept of altered human bodies and posthumanist notions, even if in this case they are used as a source of horror. baby steps ^_^

rage for the machine (banaka), Friday, 11 June 2010 19:12 (thirteen years ago) link

who is "we"?

Daniel, Esq., Friday, 11 June 2010 19:12 (thirteen years ago) link

we are banaka

rage for the machine (banaka), Friday, 11 June 2010 19:13 (thirteen years ago) link

...you will be ass-imilated

Fat Dog Franklin (snoball), Friday, 11 June 2010 19:13 (thirteen years ago) link

you bring up a good point. the nature of the human centipede, with three humans joined as one through the anus and mouth, is a glorious metaphor for what we are trying to achieve.

rage for the machine (banaka), Friday, 11 June 2010 19:19 (thirteen years ago) link

YES THAT IS JUST WHAT WE ARE TRYING TO ACHIEVE.

Daniel, Esq., Friday, 11 June 2010 19:25 (thirteen years ago) link

again, i suggest that all members of the broken social scene "collective" be recruited as the next centipede

Daniel, Esq., Friday, 11 June 2010 19:26 (thirteen years ago) link

splendid!

rage for the machine (banaka), Friday, 11 June 2010 19:27 (thirteen years ago) link

oh shit guys, this is playing here next weekend DO I GO?

apparently not the band, but the lifestyle (jjjusten), Friday, 11 June 2010 19:57 (thirteen years ago) link

one night midnight only

apparently not the band, but the lifestyle (jjjusten), Friday, 11 June 2010 19:57 (thirteen years ago) link

DO I GO

Unfortunate choice of words...

Fat Dog Franklin (snoball), Friday, 11 June 2010 19:58 (thirteen years ago) link

if you don't go, you are not the dude I think you are

like, how is this question not "oh shit guys, this is playing here next weekend DO I DRINK EVERYTHING IN MY LIQUOR STOCKPILE BEFORE GOING OR HALF BEFORE, HALF AFTER?"

rugged and unrelenting (even brutal) (HI DERE), Friday, 11 June 2010 19:59 (thirteen years ago) link

it is on a very inconvenient night for midnight show.

but yeah ill prob go, but i cant be so drunk i fall asleep in the theater

apparently not the band, but the lifestyle (jjjusten), Friday, 11 June 2010 20:07 (thirteen years ago) link

acid. that will keep you alert.

The Cursed Return of the Dastardly Thermo Thinwall, Friday, 11 June 2010 20:09 (thirteen years ago) link

lsd acid or the burning kind

Save Ferris' It Means Everything knocked my socks off (latebloomer), Friday, 11 June 2010 21:12 (thirteen years ago) link

ninja centipede?

Fat Dog Franklin (snoball), Friday, 11 June 2010 21:34 (thirteen years ago) link

Coming soon: "Ninja Centipede vs Pirate Centipede*"

(*Pirate Centipede only has three quarters as many legs)

Fat Dog Franklin (snoball), Friday, 11 June 2010 21:36 (thirteen years ago) link

omg it is a real thing u can buy: http://www.etsy.com/listing/48710700/the-human-centipede-necklace

5 x 15-second shits, max fart (Pillbox), Monday, 14 June 2010 02:24 (thirteen years ago) link

That was already linked by Emil.y a few posts above.

Tuomas, Monday, 14 June 2010 06:34 (thirteen years ago) link

o sry

bold storks (Pillbox), Monday, 14 June 2010 06:41 (thirteen years ago) link

So, you're saying that sections of this thread are now being repeated? Like a thread centipede?

trishyb, Monday, 14 June 2010 08:47 (thirteen years ago) link

Ahhh I didn't click the link before I posted the pic - sorry!

o sh!t a ˁ˚ᴥ˚ˀ (ENBB), Monday, 14 June 2010 14:46 (thirteen years ago) link

Still honestly cannot understand why anyone would A) want to make this film, B) act in this film, and C) see this film.

lol, you'll be pleased to know they're making a sequel. a 12-segment centipede, iirc.

Daniel, Esq., Tuesday, 15 June 2010 01:44 (thirteen years ago) link

art!

Daniel, Esq., Tuesday, 15 June 2010 01:45 (thirteen years ago) link

Man, real centipedes are gross enough.

breaking that little dog's heart chakra (Abbott), Tuesday, 15 June 2010 01:48 (thirteen years ago) link

^^ truth bomb.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UROVfmY3NTA

an indie-rock microgenre (dyao), Tuesday, 15 June 2010 01:52 (thirteen years ago) link

god gross

goole, Tuesday, 15 June 2010 01:57 (thirteen years ago) link

Dieter Laser's deliberately exaggerated accent kind of makes the whole film like an extended episode of "'Allo 'Allo" with added surgical mutilation.

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(External: the usual recycled shot of Neuvion town square and Rene's cafe. The pissoir in the centre isn't the only place where we'll be taking the piss HA HA oh dear... Theme music - a BBC sound library approximation of 'French' music - and titles.)

(Interior: Rene's cafe. Behind the bar is Rene. He is drying an infeasibly large cognac glass with a towel.)

Rene: "Ah, 'allo there my good friends! Welcome to another episode of this mildly racist, sexist, and homophobic teatime family sitcom! The plot is simply a device to justify the saying of a load of worn out old catch phrases, but I shall tediously re-iterate what's already happened for you again. Just in case you have been hit on the head by a billboard since the last time I saw you."

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(Interior: the back room of Rene's cafe. Rene is carrying some bottles of wine up from the cellar. DIRECTOR'S NOTE TO PROPS DEPT.: Can we please have Rene holding something more typically French, like one of those long thin loaves of bread or some onions on a string? Otherwise the audience are likely to forget we're in France.)

(Rene puts the wine on the table, then pulls back the curtains, to his surprise revealing Michelle of the Resistance.)

Michelle: "Listen very carefully, I shall say this catchphrase only once an episode as specified by my contract. Unless we're running short on gags. So... Listen very carefully, I shall say this only once..."

Rene: "Michelle, please, I am a humble cafe owner trying to run a business!"

Michelle: "No, you're a randy old man who is trying to get off with his waitresses without his wife finding out. And anyway, it is Edith who owns the cafe. But since this is patriarchal France in the early 1940's, it is your name that is painted on the window."

Rene: "Ah yes, well it does offer the possibility of humiliating comedy emasculation when Edith threatens to divorce me and marry that guy from the second tier Carry On movies. Anyway, I am busy, I have no time for comedy schemes involving running around darkened woods hiding behind trees in order to pad out ten minutes of an episode because the writers ran out of material."

Michelle: “It's not just hiding behind trees. We're often also looking off camera at stock footage of a steam train in the distance.”

Rene: “I always wonder why you Resistance girls dress identically. Surely it's a mistake, because the Germans could just go around arresting anyone wearing a beret, a beige trenchcoat, and short white socks.”

Michelle: "Anyway, enough of this!" (Michelle pulls out a stick of dynamite) "This is a stick of dynamite that we've stolen from the Communist Resistance!"

Rene: "Oh no! You cannot bring that in here! What if it were to go off accidentally?"

Michelle: "That's very unlikely to happen unless we need a comedy slapstick scene later on. There's nothing that brings the lulz more than people running around panicking because they might get their faces blown off."

Rene: “I cannot do this!”

Michelle (pulling out a gun): “If you do not, I will shoot you!”

Rene: “But then who will you get to carry out your poorly thought out plans? You've really not thought this through at all...”

Michelle: “But Rene, you are doing this for France, you will be a 'ero.”

Rene: “Why would I want to be a small overpriced chocolate bar full of air bubbles? Oh alright I agree to do it! Otherwise we'll be here all day and I'll never get to the scene where I try and have a bunk up in the cupboard with Yvette without being interrupted by my wife.”

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Edith: "Rene! You cannot blow up the Human Centipede! My poor mother's fiancee, Monsieur LeClerc, is the front segment, and poor Monsieur Alphonse the undertaker is in the middle!"

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Herr Flick (hitting Von Smallhausen over the head with his cane): “RONG!”

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(Interior: Rene's cafe. Rene is behind the bar. Various patrons, including several German officers, are sitting at tables. They all have cheese stuffed in their ears, as Edith is singing – a noise reminiscent of Maria Callas being run over by a steam roller.)
(The Human Centipede enters and approaches the bar. Rene does his k-lol rolleyes.gif expression)
LeClerc (the front segment of the centipede): “'ave you any stale bread for a poor hungry human centipede?”
Rene: “No we have not, go away!”
LeClerc (moving closer to Rene and lifting up his glasses): “It is I, LeClerc!”
Rene: (rolleyes.gif again) “I never would have guessed!”
LeClerc: “I have a message from Michelle of the Resistance!”
Rene: “Do not tell me here, the cafe is full of German officers! Go down the back passage.”
LeClerc: “The... back passage?”
Rene: “Yes I know, it's a weak innuendo – back passage blah blah. Endless laughter as I say lines like: 'I 'ad that Lt. Gruber in my back passage the other day' ROFL ROFL I'm sure. I suppose we should count ourselves lucky that there isn't a canal near here...”

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Carstairs: “I say Fairfax?”
Fairfax: “What is it Carstairs?”
Carstairs: “I was just wondering, why do we have to talk in these ridiculous comedy upper class English accents?”
Fairfax: “Because it helps to deflect criticisms of racism if we're taking the piss out of the English even more than everyone else, doyousee?”
Carstairs: “I suppose so. But we only appear once an episode for 30 seconds disguised as a laundry hamper.”

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Herr Flick: "Von Smallhausen has infiltrated the Human Centipede as the third segment!"
Helga: "How clever you are, Herr Flick."
Herr Flick: "Yes I know." (smirks slightly) "As soon as he is passed the painting, he will return here!"
Helga: "Is it time for the gratuitous underwear scene?"
Herr Flick: "Not yet. We still haven't had the comedy misunderstanding between Rene and Lt. Gruber. However, you may now kiss me while I stand completely motionless!"

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Crabtree: “'allo Rene. I was just pissing by your door.”
Rene: “Could you please stop doing that? I only just mopped up the puddle from last time.”

-------

Dieter Laser: “But Officer Crabtree, you don't understand! Trying to stop a randy old cafe owner blowing up a Human Centipede with a stick of dynamite to recover the forged painting of the Fallen Madonna With The Big Boobies by Van Clomp while being pursued by the German army and the Gestapo and the French Resistance is the name of my dog!”

(Theme music and credits: “You have been watching... A load of tired old shite. Really, it's Saturday evening, don't you have anything better to do?”)

display-name aesthete (snoball), Saturday, 19 June 2010 09:35 (thirteen years ago) link

The 1st piece would have to show some restraint when pooping. You can get a feel of the speed when it starts to come out. He'd just have to clench his poop cutter to control the speed. Being in a Human Centipede is a team effort people!

get your bucket of free wings (underrated aerosmith albums I have loved), Sunday, 20 June 2010 00:56 (thirteen years ago) link

New display name bonanza!

"Your anal sphincter is a strong muscle and it won't open just because someone tries to vomit in your ass."

i've read that before. it's from carl jung, i think.

Daniel, Esq., Sunday, 20 June 2010 02:36 (thirteen years ago) link

(xp) Tags - pets, toy, cat, catnip, plush, horror, gore, fart sniffer, feed her, doctor, medical, movie, film, weird

Among the sellers other items, a blue whale stuffed with a quarter pound of catnip...

display-name aesthete (snoball), Saturday, 26 June 2010 13:36 (thirteen years ago) link

three weeks pass...

Strange, both humancentipedia.org and .com still appear to be untaken.

anatol_merklich, Tuesday, 20 July 2010 21:35 (thirteen years ago) link

I watched this on Monday. All three victims are so hateful that by the time you get to stitch-o-rama you're just relieved that they're not talking/screaming/riffing horrible quasi-p0rn dialogue anymore.

bettina arnderpandts (Autumn Almanac), Wednesday, 21 July 2010 08:38 (thirteen years ago) link

...and consequently it's not a billionth as gross/unsettling as it could have been.

bettina arnderpandts (Autumn Almanac), Wednesday, 21 July 2010 08:38 (thirteen years ago) link

This cheeky Human Centipede costume apparently won $1000 at the Fangoria Weekend of Horrors.

http://www.nerdcore.de/wp/wp-content/uploads/2010/07/centipede

the penis cream pilot walked free (Phil D.), Friday, 23 July 2010 22:41 (thirteen years ago) link

That is simultaneously brilliant and horrifying.

I, ahh, give the, ahh, the Jackson Jive, ahh, a ten (Autumn Almanac), Saturday, 24 July 2010 01:28 (thirteen years ago) link


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