football cliches that drive you mad

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e.g. "that little bit of quality"

Daniel Giraffe, Tuesday, 25 August 2009 20:35 (ten years ago) link

"referees are honest" ;)

pfunkboy (Herman G. Neuname), Tuesday, 25 August 2009 20:35 (ten years ago) link

X is a good footballing man

Daniel Giraffe, Tuesday, 25 August 2009 20:38 (ten years ago) link

^^^this one

You are Rebels! You are all yankees (country matters), Tuesday, 25 August 2009 20:40 (ten years ago) link

As said by the likes of Andy Gray, whose role is essentially to vocalise the internal monologue of the moronic, utterly unoriginal armchair twat

You are Rebels! You are all yankees (country matters), Tuesday, 25 August 2009 20:41 (ten years ago) link

"we thought scenes like these were a thing of the past"

Daniel Giraffe, Wednesday, 26 August 2009 06:38 (ten years ago) link

"that was liquid football"

Chewshabadoo, Wednesday, 26 August 2009 08:37 (ten years ago) link

These days Shearer's implausible "at least"s are driving me most mental - 'Luca Toni should've scored at least half-a-dozen', 'Spurs should be in at least double figures'

Ismael Klata, Wednesday, 26 August 2009 09:00 (ten years ago) link

"and he's unlucky" as unchallenged striker blazes over from four yards. NB applies only to British and/or popular players, unheralded foreigners like that new Blackburn guy get slated for same

Ismael Klata, Wednesday, 26 August 2009 09:08 (ten years ago) link

"asking questions"

zappi, Wednesday, 26 August 2009 09:09 (ten years ago) link

"face", as in "Aldershot face Chesterfield in a mid-table clash" - use other words!

NotEnough, Wednesday, 26 August 2009 09:19 (ten years ago) link

"it's important we get off to a good start"

like, no shit!

Daniel Giraffe, Wednesday, 26 August 2009 09:25 (ten years ago) link

We're taking it one week at a time...

Road Closed (SeekAltRoute), Wednesday, 26 August 2009 09:47 (ten years ago) link

It's not the result that matters at the moment, it's getting the process right...

Road Closed (SeekAltRoute), Wednesday, 26 August 2009 09:49 (ten years ago) link

taking it one week at a time is a cliche that's a cliche because it deals with a beautiful, universal bit of profundity. :')

While you're dead right on Shearer, he's kinda right on Toni - if that guy could take his chances as well as he could inexplicably make them open up for himself then he'd be scoring every five minutes.

Akon/Family (Merdeyeux), Wednesday, 26 August 2009 09:58 (ten years ago) link

"defender's just done enough to put him off there" as carragher/vidic blatantly fouls a spurs forward for the nth time in the box.

Amateur Darraghmatics (darraghmac), Wednesday, 26 August 2009 10:21 (ten years ago) link

hehe yeah.

Also "..maybe takes a sliiight deflection" after heavily praising a goal that is revealed on replay to have cannoned off a defender so it hard it completely changed direction.

Susan Tully Blanchard (MPx4A), Wednesday, 26 August 2009 10:22 (ten years ago) link

Or results in a corner against Liverpool.

Susan Tully Blanchard (MPx4A), Wednesday, 26 August 2009 10:22 (ten years ago) link

"it's important we get off to a good start"

Also:
"it's important we keep up the momentum"
"It's importasnt we keep on scoring goals"
"It's important we keep the ball moving"

tbh, almost everything a footballer says drives me mad. Why bother with those post match interviews? They're not paid to talk.

Ned Trifle II, Wednesday, 26 August 2009 10:25 (ten years ago) link

We really don't need to know the "gaffer" gave us a "good talk" at half time.

Ned Trifle II, Wednesday, 26 August 2009 10:26 (ten years ago) link

in the spirit of that deflection one-

sticking with an incorrect offside/foul call the commentator's made, in the face of clear video evidence 5 seconds later

Amateur Darraghmatics (darraghmac), Wednesday, 26 August 2009 10:26 (ten years ago) link

be fair ned, those interview cliches are probably drilled into footballers from the age of 15 onwards as part of their media schooling

Amateur Darraghmatics (darraghmac), Wednesday, 26 August 2009 10:27 (ten years ago) link

''He's not that kind of player'' - after one of the worst tackles you've ever seen

same dog, different leg action (Mr Raif), Wednesday, 26 August 2009 10:27 (ten years ago) link

"he's not that kind of player" is the most perfect example of "if you have to say it" that you're ever gonna see

Amateur Darraghmatics (darraghmac), Wednesday, 26 August 2009 10:29 (ten years ago) link

be fair ned, those interview cliches are probably drilled into footballers from the age of 15 onwards as part of their media schooling

I know, and that's what irks me. Does anyone really need to hear their inane chat? Does it add one bit of understanding to the game? Can anyone not guess what the answer to the question "So, good game, must feel great to put two past their defence?"

Ned Trifle II, Wednesday, 26 August 2009 10:30 (ten years ago) link

last throw of the dice

123456789 (jim), Wednesday, 26 August 2009 10:31 (ten years ago) link

"This could be dangerous"

Ned Trifle II, Wednesday, 26 August 2009 10:32 (ten years ago) link

"manchester united are a great footballing side" no they aren't, not since teddy sheringham left ffs

Amateur Darraghmatics (darraghmac), Wednesday, 26 August 2009 10:33 (ten years ago) link

Can anyone not guess what the answer to the question "So, good game, must feel great to put two past their defence?"

it'll be worth it for that one occasion when someone ponders why their life is still so empty and meaningless after winning the Champions League.

Akon/Family (Merdeyeux), Wednesday, 26 August 2009 10:36 (ten years ago) link

"He's hit it too well" or "Couldn't have hit it any better" when there's a near miss.

Number None, Wednesday, 26 August 2009 10:45 (ten years ago) link

yeah too well is a classic. IF IT WAS HIT TOO WELL IT'D HAVE FUCKING GONE IN.

123456789 (jim), Wednesday, 26 August 2009 10:46 (ten years ago) link

Classic cliches: hail mary/hollywood pass.

123456789 (jim), Wednesday, 26 August 2009 10:46 (ten years ago) link

"They are a team that plays football" to refer to teams that play one touch passing games instead of long ball. It's such fucking bullshit. Sure, Graham Taylor's Watford looked more akin to rugby but other than that, it's condescending and stupid.

b hoy hoy (a hoy hoy), Wednesday, 26 August 2009 10:47 (ten years ago) link

xp nah, big ronnisms are totally different. lollipop, little eyebrows, etc

Amateur Darraghmatics (darraghmac), Wednesday, 26 August 2009 10:48 (ten years ago) link

Also, any time a commentators share a wry chuckle about "a typical Paul Scholes tackle." We get it already.

Number None, Wednesday, 26 August 2009 10:48 (ten years ago) link

it'll be worth it for that one occasion when someone ponders why their life is still so empty and meaningless after winning the Champions League.

I always hoped that Pat Nevin would have done that. Maybe quote a Joy Division lyric. Never got the chance though did he.

Ned Trifle II, Wednesday, 26 August 2009 10:48 (ten years ago) link

Classic cliches: hail mary/hollywood pass.

― 123456789 (jim), Wednesday, 26 August 2009 11:46 (59 seconds ago) Bookmark

QUARTERBACK PASSES.

http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/44488000/jpg/_44488336_ab21.jpg

b hoy hoy (a hoy hoy), Wednesday, 26 August 2009 10:49 (ten years ago) link

yes Ronglish is genius, one of the reasons I really like Andy Gray, one of the most dedicated users of the Ronglish lexicon currently on television http://www.dangerhere.com/ronglish.htm

123456789 (jim), Wednesday, 26 August 2009 10:51 (ten years ago) link

Classic cliches: hail mary/hollywood pass.

Oh god, "hospital pass" - hear this every match on a local station now.

Ned Trifle II, Wednesday, 26 August 2009 10:51 (ten years ago) link

I quite like "hospital ball", it's evocative.

Susan Tully Blanchard (MPx4A), Wednesday, 26 August 2009 10:52 (ten years ago) link

took me years to get 'hospital pass' tbh

Amateur Darraghmatics (darraghmac), Wednesday, 26 August 2009 10:56 (ten years ago) link

still not entirely sure, tbph

Amateur Darraghmatics (darraghmac), Wednesday, 26 August 2009 10:56 (ten years ago) link

everyone should take time out to read dangerhere.com, although i'm not sure all the archived stuff is still there?

Amateur Darraghmatics (darraghmac), Wednesday, 26 August 2009 10:57 (ten years ago) link

xp
The first time I heard it, yes, but now (for this one particular commentator anyway) it's every high ball.

Ned Trifle II, Wednesday, 26 August 2009 10:58 (ten years ago) link

Agreed with ahoyhoy - that "they play football in the right way" thing is infuriating. Especially when mixed with reference to principles ("I try to stick to my pronciples"), ugh.

Tim, Wednesday, 26 August 2009 10:58 (ten years ago) link

i thought a hospital pass was one likely to put the recipient in danger?

Amateur Darraghmatics (darraghmac), Wednesday, 26 August 2009 11:00 (ten years ago) link

Any mention of "that night in Barcelona" during Man Utd Champions League coverage.

James Mitchell, Wednesday, 26 August 2009 11:02 (ten years ago) link

'pronciples' is a beautiful typo

my curvy girlfriend, who is Columbian, turned to me and said: (DJ Mencap), Wednesday, 26 August 2009 11:03 (ten years ago) link

yeah i thought a hospital pass was a pass that's a little bit short in a way that puts the receiver in danger of receiving a clattering tackle.

123456789 (jim), Wednesday, 26 August 2009 11:04 (ten years ago) link

"He won't be happy with that"
"It's nice, but I wasn't really thinking about [reaching some milestone or other] - the important thing is that we got the three points"
"We're not getting carried away, we're just taking each game as it comes, we've got an important game against Birmingham/Crewe/Blyth Spartans on Tuesday night and we're focusing on that"

Teh Movable Object (Nasty, Brutish & Short), Wednesday, 26 August 2009 11:04 (ten years ago) link

heard this one again recently "well for anyone who says that the fa cup isn't exciting anymore, this game proves blah blah"

but i've never heard anyone say the fa cup isn't exciting anymore, ever.

bracken free ditch (Ste), Tuesday, 16 February 2010 10:29 (nine years ago) link

guess you didn't see the utd-chelsea final a couple years back then

80085 (a hoy hoy), Tuesday, 16 February 2010 10:44 (nine years ago) link

Just did a "find on this page" for the word "passion", and strangely it hasn't been mentioned. Gaah I hate the overuse of that word.

Daniel Giraffe, Tuesday, 16 February 2010 10:56 (nine years ago) link

two months pass...

say something other than fucking 'keystone cops moment' for once in yr career, plz pundits

tart w/ a heart (a hoy hoy), Sunday, 9 May 2010 16:58 (nine years ago) link

We showed character.
They showed character.
Character.

Chris, Sunday, 9 May 2010 19:28 (nine years ago) link

Just realised that it's also one of those words that just looks wrong when you write it. Character.

Chris, Sunday, 9 May 2010 19:29 (nine years ago) link

character is important: utd - (badge + character) = ?

Black IP's (darraghmac), Sunday, 9 May 2010 19:51 (nine years ago) link

btw, during the man city game the last night i repeated the 'good feet for a big man' trope so often that my gf, who was trying to read in the corner, lost her temper.

Black IP's (darraghmac), Sunday, 9 May 2010 23:39 (nine years ago) link

Were you gazing adoringly at her feet at the time? That would explain it.

Home Taping Is Killing Muzak (Nasty, Brutish & Short), Monday, 10 May 2010 07:43 (nine years ago) link

hmm maybe she's jealous of crouchy. an aspect i hadn't considered tbh.

Black IP's (darraghmac), Monday, 10 May 2010 09:13 (nine years ago) link

two weeks pass...

stonewall penalty

Daniel Giraffe, Tuesday, 25 May 2010 11:15 (nine years ago) link

now there's a football saying that's at least three removes away from correct usage of the original term, right?

It does make you wonder how it found its way into football vocabulary.

Daniel Giraffe, Tuesday, 25 May 2010 11:17 (nine years ago) link

'He's gone over as if....falling over a low stone wall there Brian?"

On a more topical theme, when Emile Heskey is picked again, we will no doubt be reminded ad nauseam that he 'does things that most people don't notice'.

Daniel Giraffe, Tuesday, 25 May 2010 11:34 (nine years ago) link

That one's just gonna get repeatedly clunked against the "I don't care what anyone says, if you're a striker you have to score goals" one until something gives.

MPx4A, Tuesday, 25 May 2010 11:36 (nine years ago) link

One thing that nobody has considered is that Heskey is so good he scores goals that people don't notice.

MPx4A, Tuesday, 25 May 2010 11:37 (nine years ago) link

pedrofuckingmendes.gif

Heskey workin thru a proof of the Riemann Hypothesis in his head while the neanderthals around him insist on kicking a sphere. actually that may be more of a Berbatov.

Hippocrates or wat!! (Merdeyeux), Tuesday, 25 May 2010 11:40 (nine years ago) link

"It's their cup final" = e.g when Anderlecht, who have actually won a European competition, played Liverpool in the Champions League a few years back

Neil Warnock actually said, about Barrow. "It's their cup final"... just before Barrow were about to play Stevenage in the, errrrrr, FA Trophy Cup Final

Wenlock & Mandelson (Tom D.), Tuesday, 25 May 2010 11:40 (nine years ago) link

Berbatov blatantly thinks about nothing but genocide, look at his eyes.

MPx4A, Tuesday, 25 May 2010 11:41 (nine years ago) link

the way the word FOOTBALL is constantly repeated like we don't know what the moronic game is called

kind of shrill and very self-righteous (Dr Morbius), Tuesday, 25 May 2010 11:44 (nine years ago) link

(US version obv)

kind of shrill and very self-righteous (Dr Morbius), Tuesday, 25 May 2010 11:44 (nine years ago) link

like we don't know what the moronic game is called

I thought this was true?

MPx4A, Tuesday, 25 May 2010 11:46 (nine years ago) link

yes, that occurred to me

kind of shrill and very self-righteous (Dr Morbius), Tuesday, 25 May 2010 12:02 (nine years ago) link

That one's just gonna get repeatedly clunked against the "I don't care what anyone says, if you're a striker you have to score goals" one until something gives.

cliches are often cliches for a reason. I don't think it unreasonable to expect strikers to score goals though 7 goals in 11 years says a shitload of England managers disagree.

this skit is ba-na-nas (onimo), Tuesday, 25 May 2010 12:23 (nine years ago) link

Without wishing to reopen the Heskey debate, I think in my post above I was just bemoaning the patronising nature of being told, in effect, "you, the thicko public, just don't see how great he is"

Daniel Giraffe, Tuesday, 25 May 2010 12:28 (nine years ago) link

...just before Barrow were about to play Stevenage in the, errrrrr, FA Trophy Cup Final

Would that be the final of the FA Trophy Cup?

I Ain't Committing Suicide For No Crab (Nasty, Brutish & Short), Tuesday, 25 May 2010 21:52 (nine years ago) link

two weeks pass...

Invoking Greek mythology whenever Greece or a Greek team are playing

Wenlock & Mandelson (Tom D.), Thursday, 10 June 2010 12:56 (nine years ago) link

Yes, Tom, and that old one about Greeks bearing gifts.

World Cup revive, by the way.

Daniel Giraffe, Wednesday, 16 June 2010 08:21 (nine years ago) link

They're just happy to be here

======<() bzbzbzbzbzzbzbzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzbzbzzbzbzbzb (onimo), Wednesday, 16 June 2010 09:16 (nine years ago) link

This sums it up nicely: http://www.guardian.co.uk/football/blog/2010/jun/05/world-cup-2010-cliches

The Italians 'revert to type'

Just about everybody connected with English football believes that when push comes to shove Italy always fall back on defensive-minded cynicism. The finest example of this attitude came from Barry Davies after the Azzurri's defeat by South Korea in 2002: "And you have to say they have got what they deserve, because they just will not learn." Italy have won the World Cup four times; England have won it once. This suggests that whatever the Italians have failed to learn was maybe not worth knowing in the first place.

Neil S, Wednesday, 16 June 2010 09:39 (nine years ago) link

Considered zing

Remember when Mr Banhart was a replicant? (darraghmac), Wednesday, 16 June 2010 10:03 (nine years ago) link

I had the conversation about the Germans with a work colleague earlier on. "Like a machine" he said. I pointed out that they were great to watch, inventive and quick the other night, but he was having none of it.

Daniel Giraffe, Wednesday, 16 June 2010 10:34 (nine years ago) link

Germans passing the Turing test

Remember when Mr Banhart was a replicant? (darraghmac), Wednesday, 16 June 2010 10:37 (nine years ago) link

It's not exactly news that Barry Davies is an idiot, but nevertheless it's always worth restating.

Neil S, Wednesday, 16 June 2010 10:41 (nine years ago) link

Machines can be great to watch and quick imo, so your colleague gets a pass xps

heywood jabulani (DJ Mencap), Wednesday, 16 June 2010 10:41 (nine years ago) link

Only a matter of time before those manufacturing segments in kid's tv shows just default to Klinnsman passing it into the far corner every time.

Remember when Mr Banhart was a replicant? (darraghmac), Wednesday, 16 June 2010 10:55 (nine years ago) link

I had the conversation about the Germans with a work colleague earlier on. "Like a machine" he said. I pointed out that they were great to watch, inventive and quick the other night, but he was having none of it.

― Daniel Giraffe, Wednesday, 16 June 2010 11:34 (21 minutes ago)

haha

i think it was established in an earlier thread that a lot of casual or stupid viewers srsly seem to take the cliches and phoned-in punditry shite as read

nakhchivan, Wednesday, 16 June 2010 10:59 (nine years ago) link

or heard

nakhchivan, Wednesday, 16 June 2010 11:00 (nine years ago) link

xpost re:'Italians revert to type'
The thing is, that doesn't really disprove anything. The Italians have a reputation for falling back on defensive-minded cynicism because they have a track record of falling back on defensive-minded cynicism. They've won more World Cups than England, sure, but that's because they're often very effective at defensive-minded cynicism, not because they're crazy all-out-attack kings of flamboyant lunacy. England are neither of these things.

I Ain't Committing Suicide For No Crab (Nasty, Brutish & Short), Wednesday, 16 June 2010 17:15 (nine years ago) link

england reverted to kick'n'rush type against USA, tbh

Remember when Mr Banhart was a replicant? (darraghmac), Wednesday, 16 June 2010 17:37 (nine years ago) link

Germany have been fun for a while!

If the US had a dictator we'd call him coach (Michael White), Wednesday, 16 June 2010 17:40 (nine years ago) link

Germany have been the most consistently entertaining international side for nigh on a decade now

Ismael Klata, Wednesday, 16 June 2010 17:47 (nine years ago) link

xp since 06 at least? iirc they were still quite dreadful in 02 wc

sonderangerbot, Wednesday, 16 June 2010 17:47 (nine years ago) link

I thought they were okay in 02, but yeah they've been great since they got a bit cavalier to cover up their vulnerabilities

Ismael Klata, Wednesday, 16 June 2010 17:50 (nine years ago) link

They were okay in '02 but in '06 their battle against Italy took on almost a moral character for me, like the good vs the dark side of football.

If the US had a dictator we'd call him coach (Michael White), Wednesday, 16 June 2010 17:54 (nine years ago) link

the current Germany is definitely a beautiful machine! Actually so are all good football teams to me. I guess I just love the idea of machines.

Hippocrates or wat!! (Merdeyeux), Wednesday, 16 June 2010 21:53 (nine years ago) link

Voller took them down a bad path but credit goes to both Jurgen and Jogi for the marked difference in the last 4 years

mdskltr (blueski), Wednesday, 16 June 2010 21:55 (nine years ago) link

seven months pass...

"just banter"

Daniel Giraffe, Thursday, 27 January 2011 11:28 (eight years ago) link


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