Football Chants

And whilst we're at it:

We drink Champagne, we snort Cocaine,
We've got ladies, over 'ere,
You've got shit jobs, you shag your dogs,
And your wife is on the game

We drink Campari, We drive Ferrari,
We've got labels in our lives
You've got bus stops, second hand shops
And you're mum's in readers wives

We wear Gucci, we wear Armani,
We've got cashmere over here,
You've got shell suits, wellington boots,
And your haircut's soooooo last year

Original verse penned on a bus from White Hart Lane, legend has it.

No No No. It's:
Alex Ferguson's illegitimate / he ain't got a birth certificate / he's got AIDS and he can't get rid of it / he's a ... bastard.

But of course the definitive football chant is:
We are not we're not really here / we are not we're not really here / just like the fans of the invisible man / we're not really here.

What possesses grown men with little imagination to sing along with such bizarreness? OK, peer pressure is the answer. Yet it remains mighty strange to hear x-thousand people singing this.

Favourite? On seeing an inflatable skeleton in the Kop, Man U fans chanting "Shankly is back, whoa, whoa"

Least Favourite? That "you're not very good" one that seemed to be sung every week at Selhurst Park by the visiting fans

I read that the "We're not really here... just like the fans of the invisible man" song was started by Man United fans in the 70s after the 'Red Army' got banned from everywhere for repeated hooliganism. They weren't supposed to be at any of the games, but they got in en masse anyway, hence the song. I don't know why Man City fans sing it every week now.

Guess you had to be there.

Deliah... WHORE!
What is she good for?
Absolutely nothing, say it again!

Norwich... SCUM!
What are they good for?
Absolutely nothing, say it again!

Huckerby... CUNT!
What is he good for?
Absolutely nothing, say it again!

And so on....

to the tune of ‘She’ll be coming ‘round the mountain’

You can stick your fucking saucepans up your arse,
You can stick your fucking saucepans up your arse,
You can stick your fucking saucepans,
stick your fucking saucepans,
stick your fucking saucepans up your arse... SIDEWAYS!

You can stick your fucking cookbooks up your arse,
You can stick your fucking cookbooks up your arse,
You can stick your fucking cookbooks,
stick your fucking cookbooks,
stick your fucking cookbooks up your arse... SIDEWAYS!

and so on...

"Does your boyfriend know you're here?"
West Ham fans to Brighton.

Have two clubs ever bought / sold / loaned more players to each other?

The boy Davenport is quality, sorry to see him go. A looker too.

brighton fans learnt this one after the exeter fans chanted it at them...

Chim chimmeny chim chimmeny chim chim cheroo
His name's Tim Howard and he says 'fuck you'

I would have killed to see him back in the blue and white. Treacle was always quality for us, you are aware of the Spurs equation aren't you?

Anyway, I've no idea if this was ever an actaul chant, but I saw a play about a goalkeeper once which had the chant

There's only one John Mckenna,
one John Mckenna,
a packet of sweets, a cheesy smile,
Mckenna is a paedophile

Is it something like: X+Y = Z/2

Where X is 1, Y is 6 to the power of 3 and Carrick is a cunt.

Explain the Spurs equation to me.

You mean you've never heard that a Spurs player must perform to a maximum of 66% of their true abilities?

http://football.guardian.co.uk/continentalfootball/story/0,,1719091,00.html

It's about time UEFA stamped this sort of thing out

This is how it feels to be soaking
This is how it feels to be wet
This is how it feels when you won't pay the yankee gnome's debt

Chelsea fans after Leboeuf said in a radio interview that he didn't like
the idea of a swear word in his song

(*previously "he's fucking everywhere")

Your sister is your mother
Your uncle is your brother
You all fuck one another
The Norwich family
der der der der clap clap

To Pass the Dutchie.

"Dwight Yorke, wherever you may be,
You are the king of pornography,
And you stuck to fingers up at John Gregory,
When you signed for the M-U-F-C"

Sadly the same tune is for a song about Park Ji Sung now which is not terribly flattering and involves dogs.

(tune of Coming Round The Mountain)

"Could you go a chicken supper, Bobby Sands?
Could you go a chicken supper, Bobby Sands?
Could you go a chicken supper,
You filthy fenian fucker,
Could you go a chicken supper, Bobby Sands?"

Followed by a, "You only knocked nine down" etc

"One decent Lester, there's only one decent Lester."

And top marks to Spurs for this Guardian reader-baiting and highly topical effort:

"Sol, Sol, wherever you may be
You're on the verge of lunacy
And we don't give a fcuk if you're hanging from a tree
You Judas cnute with HIV"

HARK NOW HEAR
THE CITY SING
UNITED RAAAN AWAY
AND WE WILL FIGHT
FOREVERMORE
BECAUSE OF DERBY DAAAY!

'We are not, we're not really here....'comes from when we were down in Division 2, and none too proud.

What else? Oh yes the good old mocking of Mourinho:

'That Coats from Matalan, that coats from Matalan'

"If they stop chanting but start rioting out of frustration, then you're worse off."

Section B WANK WANK WANK

In yer Maryhill slums, you rake through the bin for something to eat, ye find a deid rat and ye think its a treat, in yer Maryhill slums

I'm watching the play-off semi between Brystal Palace and Cristol City at the moment and I can hear a chant to the tune of Sloop John B (the bit which goes "I feel so broke up, I wanna go home"), but I can't make out the words. As far as I know, Man Utd started using this tune for chants about 5 years ago, and over the last few years it's spread to several clubs, but with different words every time.

First up United sang about City's new stadium:
We paid for their home, We paid for their hoooooome, What a waste of council tax, We paid for their home

Then midway through the 04/05 season this one took off:
He plays on the left, He plays on the riiiiiight, that boy Ronaldo, makes Beckham look shite

Then after Liverpool won the European Cup they started singing:
We won it five times, we won it five tiiiiiimes, in Istanbul*, we won it five times
*this doesn't seem to scan, so there might be another word or two which I've missed out

To which United responded by playing the Heysel card:
We won it two times, we won it two tiiiiiimes, without killing anyone, we won it two times

Then, in the wake of the 06 World Cup, the Ronaldo song was changed so that it was England instead of Beckham (and some people sang 'winks' instead of 'plays').

Then earlier this season Arsenal started singing:
Adebayor, Adebayooooooor, give him the ball, and he will score

To which Spurs responded with:
Adebayor, Adebayooooooor, his Dad washes elephants and his Mum is a whore

Then just recently I've heard Chelsea singing (in response to Liverpool's jibes):
We're going to Moscow, we're going to Moscoooooow, fuck your history, we're going to Moscow

one for the New England Revolution

Oh, Tay-lor Twellman has a cold sore,
Has a cold sore,
Has a COLD SORE!
Now Ste-vie Ralston has a cold sore,
Has a cold sore,
Has a COLD SORE!
Now Shir-ly Joseph has a cold sore,
Has a cold sore,
Has a COLD SORE!
Now Ste-vie Nichol has a cold sore,
Has a cold sore,
Has a COLD SORE!
Now Jayyy Heaps has a cold sore,
Has a cold sore,
Has a COLD SORE!
And Maaatt Ries has a cold sore,
From suck-ing off his mom!

neville nevilles a classic alright

UEFA Cup Final 2003, shuttle bus to the stadium from the centre of Seville was spent teaching some bemused Portugeezers (to the tune of "she'll be coming round the mountain")

"they'll be jumping out the windaes when we win, they'll be jumping out the windaes when we win, they'll be jumping out the windaes, jumping out the windaes, jumping out the windaes when we win"

"and we hope it's spikey railings when they land..."

"and we hope the paramedics are on strike..."

and various other verses of increasing unpleasantness

Also, on the Sloop John B tip, last year at a Celtic v Rangers reserve game at Ibrox, when Rangers goalie Allan McGregor's tabloid-friendly lovelife was in full swing:

"The baby's not yours, the baby's not yours, Allan McGregor, the baby's not yours"

*pause*

"It's Paddy McCourt's, it's Paddy McCourt's, Allan McGregor, it's Paddy McCourt's"

(it's not Paddy McCourt's, AFAIK, btw)

two andy gorams ftw tho

catchy: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i-tagn3lB3I&feature=player_embedded

total shite

He's big, he's bad, he's Wesley Brown,
He's the hardest man in all the town.
With orange hair beware.
Come and have a go if you dare...

What you on about? That one was always great!

NO ONE LIKES US, NO ONE LIKES US
NO ONE LIKES US, WE DON'T CARE!

WE ARE MILLWALL, SUPER MILLWALL
WE ARE MILWALL FROM THE DEN!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=coUd-AaLkjQ