What Is The Longest You Have Gone Without A Wank?

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Since your first one, duh.

Tom, Sunday, 29 July 2001 00:00 (twenty years ago) link

umm, probably about two weeks...ummm

Geoff, Sunday, 29 July 2001 00:00 (twenty years ago) link

I worked out that the longest was about six days at a dinner party last week. Just when I was making the custard for the apple pie.

No-one wanted custard after that.

Pete, Sunday, 29 July 2001 00:00 (twenty years ago) link

Geez, Tom. You, too? When will this sex madness STOP?!?

Oh - my answer. While in a Serious 'Ship, a couple of months. Going solo, a couple of weeks. Sometimes, I actually manage to not think about "it" all that often. I think I've actually tried NOT to, to see if I became super-smart like George in _Seinfeld_ once was. Oh yeah.

David Raposa, Sunday, 29 July 2001 00:00 (twenty years ago) link

6 minutes 20 secs. I thought that was quite impressive at the time. Jesus, are you lot complete control freaks or what?

Nick, Sunday, 29 July 2001 00:00 (twenty years ago) link

I worked out that the longest was about six days at a dinner party last week.

Pete, that's amazing. Did the guests have to remain seated all that time? How many courses were there? Did other people get restless and wank into their napkins etc. etc.

Cheap joke Dastoor, Sunday, 29 July 2001 00:00 (twenty years ago) link

Has my italics faux pas spoiled whatever humour there was in that joke to start with?

No comic genius Dastoor, Sunday, 29 July 2001 00:00 (twenty years ago) link

No.

On basis of current posts, New Forum Title: I LOVE WANKING?

the pinefox, Sunday, 29 July 2001 00:00 (twenty years ago) link

But Pinefox, that's already the name of the Radiohead forum! ( haha, just kidding, you know I love them.)

Mitch Lastnamewithheld, Sunday, 29 July 2001 00:00 (twenty years ago) link

*stops*

Two months, not in a relationship. I think I was legally dead.

*starts up again*

Dave M., Sunday, 29 July 2001 00:00 (twenty years ago) link

Since I've started posting on ILE/ILM -- this is the substitute!

Tadeusz Suchodolski, Sunday, 29 July 2001 00:00 (twenty years ago) link

Tantric masturbation, a contradiction in terms?

jel, Sunday, 29 July 2001 00:00 (twenty years ago) link

Dunno abt contradiction but it certainly eats into yr time

(But whenever you flag, that mantra pops back into your mind: ONE MORE IN-DOOR!)

mark s, Sunday, 29 July 2001 00:00 (twenty years ago) link

When i was 17 i was still heavily Mormon. I admitted to two missionaries that i beat off. They gave me a picture of Jesus. I was supposed to think of Jesus every tiem i wanted to "touch myself inapproitly" (sp). I hung that picture up. I threw away tempting books and secualr music. I fasted, prayed every hour and didnt jack off. It lasted about two months . I was miserable. That is when i realized my life would never be Mormon.

anthony, Sunday, 29 July 2001 00:00 (twenty years ago) link

I only tried to quit when I was a Freshman in High School but then I realised it was too good to give up despite peer pressure. Maybe thats when I became an outsider.

Mike Hanley, Sunday, 29 July 2001 00:00 (twenty years ago) link

Jesus is kind of cute, with that beard and all. I don't think that would work on me.

Dave M., Sunday, 29 July 2001 00:00 (twenty years ago) link

Maybe a week. *looks around, notices she's the only girl to answer this thread*

Melissa W, Sunday, 29 July 2001 00:00 (twenty years ago) link

Mike, were you doing it in public? Exactly which mentalist crowd did you hang with that frowned upon wanking? (or even discussed it enough to form a policy consensus?)

Me: 3 weeks. God knows why. It wasn't force of habit that ended it, just the resultant vacant apathy.

Graham, Sunday, 29 July 2001 00:00 (twenty years ago) link

Is all you people do jerk off?

Ally, Sunday, 29 July 2001 00:00 (twenty years ago) link

I mean in my group it was generally frowned upon. Though I did know of some kids who had a contest to see where was the oddest place they could come. One came in a library

Mike Hanley, Sunday, 29 July 2001 00:00 (twenty years ago) link

Ally: So answer the question.

Mike: But how did they know?

Graham, Sunday, 29 July 2001 00:00 (twenty years ago) link

I can't answer this question! Like a year at least. I just don't like sex and don't bother trying to get off.

Ally, Sunday, 29 July 2001 00:00 (twenty years ago) link

actually i hope this thread grows becasue this issue bothers me. I mean I woudl hate to think my enjoyment of T and A is the result of messed up women's lives, you know?

Mike Hanley, Sunday, 29 July 2001 00:00 (twenty years ago) link

HOW CAN YOU GO A YEAR
If i do not relase the dragon daily it consumes me.
And thats with even with DAvid.

anthony, Sunday, 29 July 2001 00:00 (twenty years ago) link

yeah, anybody who hates pornography is obviously a robot. See, Mike Hanley? See? I was only being pragmatic when I said people always say it's natural, not philosophical. People say it every minute.

maryann, Monday, 30 July 2001 00:00 (twenty years ago) link

Then I am a robot. I think it's boring.

Ally, Monday, 30 July 2001 00:00 (twenty years ago) link

I'm quite envious of Ally. I'm lucky if I can manage a week and even a few days without seriously distorts my thought processes.

Tom, Monday, 30 July 2001 00:00 (twenty years ago) link

I really feel like a freak right about now, guys.

Ally, Monday, 30 July 2001 00:00 (twenty years ago) link

Allybot will last a long time as her typing appendages never frequent her life hole. You can keep Allybot for years of pleasant posting and tartery!

Mike Hanle y, Monday, 30 July 2001 00:00 (twenty years ago) link

five months pass...
I just came across this thread again. HO HO HO.

NI, Saturday, 26 January 2002 01:00 (nineteen years ago) link

A few weeks maybe. I don't know. It's a long time since I've gone a long time without a wank.

Although if I was to wait a few weeks the rewards at the end would be pretty fantastic if not a little messy.

I've said too much again.

Ronan, Saturday, 26 January 2002 01:00 (nineteen years ago) link

I just saw this in the new answers and thought, christ, what dirty bugger's asked that? Oh dear.

Tom, Saturday, 26 January 2002 01:00 (nineteen years ago) link

the problem when you don't wank is how squirty the whole thing gets when you do.

goeff, Saturday, 26 January 2002 01:00 (nineteen years ago) link

Squirty is bad?

N., Saturday, 26 January 2002 01:00 (nineteen years ago) link

Return! To the spirit of perversion of the summer of 2001, ah those were the days etc.

Ned Raggett, Saturday, 26 January 2002 01:00 (nineteen years ago) link

Before 9/11 spoiled everything. Oh no, hang on, I'm forgetting 'terror sex'

N., Saturday, 26 January 2002 01:00 (nineteen years ago) link

durr, terror sex is so 2001

goeff, Saturday, 26 January 2002 01:00 (nineteen years ago) link

I didn't say it wasn't.

N., Monday, 28 January 2002 01:00 (nineteen years ago) link

But is squirty bad?

Pete, Monday, 28 January 2002 01:00 (nineteen years ago) link

Depends what you're trying to hit.

Graham, Monday, 28 January 2002 01:00 (nineteen years ago) link

Why did Ptee repeat my question, anyway? Was he just keen that it be answered?

N., Monday, 28 January 2002 01:00 (nineteen years ago) link

Perhaps..erm...there's a problem.

Graham, Monday, 28 January 2002 01:00 (nineteen years ago) link

Bad in the context of an orgasm can't be too bad can it?

Ronan, Monday, 28 January 2002 01:00 (nineteen years ago) link

Oh, I've had some soul-destroying orgasms in my time.

N., Monday, 28 January 2002 01:00 (nineteen years ago) link

Soul destroying is a pretty ambiguous term in this context, but I presume you mean soul destroying in a Thom Yorke rather than a James Brown sort of way.

Still, at least you had an orgasm while you're soul was being destroyed.

Ronan, Monday, 28 January 2002 01:00 (nineteen years ago) link

Look at you with your 'you're'/'your' tomfoolery.

N., Monday, 28 January 2002 01:00 (nineteen years ago) link

Fuck it, I did their/there this morning aswell. I never did these things until I found ILE you know?

Ronan, Monday, 28 January 2002 01:00 (nineteen years ago) link

I wouldn't want to ruin my image by not commenting on this thread. The longest I can remember is 12 days, and was the result of a bout of eczema, rather than will(y) power. When I was skiing a couple of weeks ago I went five days without one, without any reason, which is certainly the modern day record. My theory is that I was so completely exhausted (being an unfit, inexperienced skiier) that anything that wasn't an essential function of continuing to exist was shut down by my body. By the time I started again I was notable better at skiing. There's a moral in their somewhere.

Mark C, Tuesday, 29 January 2002 01:00 (nineteen years ago) link

Allybot will last a long time as her typing appendages never frequent her life hole. You can keep Allybot for years of pleasant posting and tartery!

I'm going to post this on my fridge.

Ally, Tuesday, 29 January 2002 01:00 (nineteen years ago) link

I realised yesterday that I hadn't thought about sex all weekend. Then wondered what was wrong with me.

Ally C, Tuesday, 29 January 2002 01:00 (nineteen years ago) link

six months pass...
Allybot will last a long time as her typing appendages never frequent her life hole. You can keep Allybot for years of pleasant posting and tartery!

fantastic! i came across this while looking for the ski resort called "wank" ...no, seriously! somewhere in Germany. Anyway Mark C this could be the ideal place for you to improve your skiing.

And to answer the question at hand (so to speak) frequency of self manipulation depends on frequency of group activities... they have an inversely proportional relationship.

William G, Monday, 26 August 2002 07:39 (nineteen years ago) link

nine months pass...
I think during Basic Training I probably went three or four weeks.

Millar (Millar), Monday, 16 June 2003 01:48 (eighteen years ago) link

you'd think the military would schedule it in or something

ryan (ryan), Monday, 16 June 2003 02:42 (eighteen years ago) link

same thing for me, though really it was more like five weeks. the thing was I was EPO for my company and so whoever was doing 'sentry' would be right by my freaking bed most of the time.

James Blount (James Blount), Monday, 16 June 2003 04:59 (eighteen years ago) link

so¿

dyson (dyson), Monday, 16 June 2003 05:26 (eighteen years ago) link

12 years.
Somebody should change the thread title so it doesn't scare off da laydeez.

oops (Oops), Monday, 16 June 2003 05:44 (eighteen years ago) link

4 weeks. strict catholic upbringing had convinced me that it was evil. and i'd heard that you can break any habit in 6 weeks. so when i was 15 i managed, by force of will alone, not to wank for 4 weeks. then i did. it was pretty upsetting when i realised i'd have to start counting up from 0 weeks again.

pete b. (pete b.), Monday, 16 June 2003 14:23 (eighteen years ago) link

three years pass...
Oh, ILX was such an innocent place in its early days, ha ha ha...

(thank god for the Random function on endless, boring Friday afternoons.)

The Long Grey And Overcast Tea Time Of The Soul (kate), Friday, 12 January 2007 12:56 (fourteen years ago) link

But Kate, tell us, how long?

Seriously...

Personally I find the whole custom a bit... I rather not know how long people have gone without a wank (or with a wank). It's just TMI all the way, y'know.

Nathalie (stevie nixed), Friday, 12 January 2007 13:02 (fourteen years ago) link

Ah, I just think it's funny - the male answers compared to female answers (i.e. that there are almost none of the latter, and how forthright the former are).

The Long Grey And Overcast Tea Time Of The Soul (kate), Friday, 12 January 2007 13:08 (fourteen years ago) link

I know. I realize that the guys are right. Who cares. I mean, it's probably a fun thing to do but then I'm a girl and I don't need a mental pic of Ronan (or any other guy) wanking away into oblivion.

Nathalie (stevie nixed), Friday, 12 January 2007 13:11 (fourteen years ago) link

No, I think it is actually physiologically different for males, like they generate so much sperm that they need to get rid of it. Men who wank every day get prostate cancer less, or something like that.

I don't think there's a similar thing for ladybits, though. I mean, we only produce our gametes once a month, so there's no build up.

The Long Grey And Overcast Tea Time Of The Soul (kate), Friday, 12 January 2007 13:14 (fourteen years ago) link

I, however, do need a mental pic of Ronan wanking away into oblivion to achieve climax.

Frogm@n Henry (Frogm@n Henry), Friday, 12 January 2007 13:14 (fourteen years ago) link

What's an oblivion? Don't we use tissues and sinks and buckets and the coffee machine at work anymore?

StanM (StanM), Friday, 12 January 2007 13:17 (fourteen years ago) link

I think socks were the preferred receptacle, going by another thread that really doesn't need to be revived.

onimo (onimo), Friday, 12 January 2007 13:22 (fourteen years ago) link

Longtemps je me suis branlé de bonne heure.

Marcel Proust (Revivalist), Friday, 12 January 2007 13:29 (fourteen years ago) link

Socks? Maybe I should take up sock knitting! Actually no, I don't. Maybe you're right, Kate, but I also think we are just raised differently.

Nathalie (stevie nixed), Friday, 12 January 2007 13:52 (fourteen years ago) link

the thought of doing it every day makes me queasy.

reverto levidensis (blueski), Friday, 12 January 2007 13:55 (fourteen years ago) link

...and dry most probably

Nathalie (stevie nixed), Friday, 12 January 2007 14:02 (fourteen years ago) link

23 days, in summer 2004. two successive summer-camps, and you don't wank on summer-camp. then i realised i was on for a decent abstinence so i kept it going for another 4 days.

You've Got Scourage On Your Breath (Haberdager), Friday, 12 January 2007 14:04 (fourteen years ago) link

waht summer camp? like scouts?

the original hauntology blogging crew (Enrique), Friday, 12 January 2007 14:06 (fourteen years ago) link

the few times i've gone more than 1-2 weeks in my semi-adult life, my sex dreams grew more vivid and intense and i wound up having wet dreams again, it was scary and gross and like, 'i have to go through this again?!' though of course, the answe is 'no,' and the problem was/ is easily solved.

i'm curious: how often do you wank when/ if you have a boy/girlfriend?

i live with my girl and we have sex kind of regularly -- still in the first year of living together, and it's 3-4 x/ week. but i still jerk off on average 3 times a week, on top of that...

shit, i think i'm a pervert! ohhhhhh no.

Michael J McGonigal (mike mcgonigal), Friday, 12 January 2007 14:10 (fourteen years ago) link

no, one was a 2-week classical greek summer-school, and the other was an extra-curricular (i.e. interesting, non-academic intellectual activities by day and fun (although equally stimulating) games/hikes/projects by evening and a mid-week trip to a local place of interest) week-long residential get-together for about 30 or so 'bright' children. it was my favourite week of the year for about 9 years running! xpost

You've Got Scourage On Your Breath (Haberdager), Friday, 12 January 2007 14:11 (fourteen years ago) link

i'm curious: how often do you wank when/ if you have a boy/girlfriend?

as much as when i don't. that's all i have to say on the subject.

Nathalie (stevie nixed), Friday, 12 January 2007 14:15 (fourteen years ago) link

What, Never?

(getting all Gilbert and Sullivan once again)

mark grout (mark grout), Friday, 12 January 2007 16:07 (fourteen years ago) link

3 Hot Little Maids From School Part 17

Johnney B English (stigoftdump), Friday, 12 January 2007 16:07 (fourteen years ago) link

i've probably gone about a month, before. i usually go about a week or so in between.

blood bitch (blood bitch), Friday, 12 January 2007 22:46 (fourteen years ago) link

I'm kinda surprised anybody counts the days

Shakey Mo Collier (Shakey Mo Collier), Friday, 12 January 2007 22:59 (fourteen years ago) link

http://www.matthewhunt.com/taboo/paysagefautif.jpg

Sterling Clover (s_clover), Saturday, 13 January 2007 02:55 (fourteen years ago) link

oh wow, you too?

Slumpman (Slump Man), Saturday, 13 January 2007 03:06 (fourteen years ago) link

Mark, OKAY OKAY, I don't masturbate (much).

Nathalie (stevie nixed), Saturday, 13 January 2007 11:42 (fourteen years ago) link


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