Cricket...

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They totally make up the rules as they go, right?

HI DERE, Thursday, 30 August 2007 23:31 (thirteen years ago) link

That's the job of the guy in the silly-mid-off position, I think.

Jaq, Thursday, 30 August 2007 23:32 (thirteen years ago) link

Louis J makes the rules.

Herman G. Neuname, Thursday, 30 August 2007 23:39 (thirteen years ago) link

The first two players of the side that is in first go out, and the team not in first all go out to get the first team in out. etc.

ledge, Thursday, 30 August 2007 23:39 (thirteen years ago) link

there is a bord

jhøshea, Thursday, 30 August 2007 23:41 (thirteen years ago) link

There should be one called "I'd Love to Understand Cricket".

Jaq, Thursday, 30 August 2007 23:42 (thirteen years ago) link

i tried to figure this shit out in australia last year. you throw the ball, you hit the ball, you catch the ball, sure. all the rest is made up.

mookieproof, Thursday, 30 August 2007 23:43 (thirteen years ago) link

louis splains it all Cricket-England win toss and bat first in third test

jhøshea, Thursday, 30 August 2007 23:45 (thirteen years ago) link

kinda

jhøshea, Thursday, 30 August 2007 23:45 (thirteen years ago) link

I "understood" it for a few minutes when I was in NZ once. But then I passed out from all the scotch I'd been drinking during the "explanation".

Jaq, Thursday, 30 August 2007 23:46 (thirteen years ago) link

So is it true an entire match can go by without either team winning?

humansuit, Thursday, 30 August 2007 23:48 (thirteen years ago) link

And once in the UK I thought I'd got is sorted, but then I had a few more pints of bitter.... Snooker made more sense.

Jaq, Thursday, 30 August 2007 23:48 (thirteen years ago) link

xpost yep. Even after five full days of play. Therein lies the awesome majesty of the game.

ledge, Thursday, 30 August 2007 23:50 (thirteen years ago) link

indeed. Draws are much less common now (unless there's bad weather)

Herman G. Neuname, Thursday, 30 August 2007 23:53 (thirteen years ago) link

That's actually pretty cool. It must be unique in sport.

humansuit, Thursday, 30 August 2007 23:53 (thirteen years ago) link

it only makes sense if someone explains it to you for an hour..

sanskrit, Thursday, 30 August 2007 23:55 (thirteen years ago) link

..and both of you are very drunk

sanskrit, Thursday, 30 August 2007 23:55 (thirteen years ago) link

It's easy really. I used to play cricket when I was 14/15 for my (then) local cricket club. Wasn't much use sadly, but I was always difficult to get out. I just didn't score many runs due to lack of strokeplaying ability!

Herman G. Neuname, Friday, 31 August 2007 00:03 (thirteen years ago) link

Really strokeplaying hm that's interesting. Actually I tried it once and it is fun to play.

humansuit, Friday, 31 August 2007 00:06 (thirteen years ago) link

They totally make up the rules as they go, right?

-- HI DERE, Thursday, 30 August 2007 23:31 (Yesterday) Link

Like baseball...

Stone Monkey, Friday, 31 August 2007 11:12 (thirteen years ago) link

... for adults

Tom D., Friday, 31 August 2007 11:15 (thirteen years ago) link

I mean, seriously guys, where to start?

England are currently kicking ass against India in the one-day series, which is nice. But I could probably answer -any- question you ask me about an aspect of the game, so I'm at a loss for what I could contribute. It's probably the one thing I love more than music.

The rules Laws, if you're interested, are neatly exhibited in something called Tom Smith's Guide to Umpiring and Scoring, which I have somewhere. But they're pretty easy to pick up.

Just got offed, Friday, 31 August 2007 11:24 (thirteen years ago) link

dan it's like baseball except that there are only two bases that you run back and forth between - and if you don't feel like running, you DON'T HAVE TO! you just hit again (and again), and only run if you hit it really well

Tracer Hand, Friday, 31 August 2007 11:40 (thirteen years ago) link

the rest of the rules constitute an attempt to make this interesting

Tracer Hand, Friday, 31 August 2007 11:40 (thirteen years ago) link

Dietmar Hamann was on TMS last night! He's a cricket fan!

Tom D., Friday, 31 August 2007 11:41 (thirteen years ago) link

you can run if you hit it badly but are fortunate enough to place it far away enough from a fielder. you can even run if you don't hit it at all! (this depends upon the skill of the wicket-keeper, cricket's slightly more flexible version of the 'catcher')

Just got offed, Friday, 31 August 2007 11:41 (thirteen years ago) link

dietmar hamann liking cricket = awes

Just got offed, Friday, 31 August 2007 11:42 (thirteen years ago) link

by "well" i just meant "in a way that you could probably make it, if you ran"

Tracer Hand, Friday, 31 August 2007 11:43 (thirteen years ago) link

Unless you're Inzamam ul-Haq, then you stroll

Tom D., Friday, 31 August 2007 11:45 (thirteen years ago) link

anyway, there's a really neat way to take the whole confusing 'running' issue out completely: hit it past the boundary-rope for an automatic four runs! (or six if it doesn't hit the ground first)

haha tom i'm currently writing a player profile for inzy, he didn't really stroll, he lumbered...

Just got offed, Friday, 31 August 2007 11:46 (thirteen years ago) link

He's scored a hella lot o' lumbers in his career then

Tom D., Friday, 31 August 2007 11:49 (thirteen years ago) link

you don't average 50 in Test cricket without being bloody good at lumbering

Just got offed, Friday, 31 August 2007 11:51 (thirteen years ago) link

I am mentally adding "amirite" to most of these posts

Jarlrmai, Friday, 31 August 2007 11:55 (thirteen years ago) link

Inzy got so good at hitting fours and sixes purely to avoid having to actually run.

Jarlrmai, Friday, 31 August 2007 11:56 (thirteen years ago) link

He's got a touch of the WG Grace about him

Tom D., Friday, 31 August 2007 11:57 (thirteen years ago) link

... "amirite"

Tom D., Friday, 31 August 2007 11:58 (thirteen years ago) link

Don't ask, Dan, just don't ask. The last time I asked, I got a very complicated explanation that involved getting all the balls of thread out of the sewing basket and putting them out in elaborate patterns on the blanket and obscure rules about legs and wickets and not starting matches on the first full moon following the Queen Mum's birthday.

I was born here, and I don't get it. You have no hope. Just sit in the sun and drink beer and lemonade and nod occasionally and shout "good show!" when everyone else claps.

Masonic Boom, Friday, 31 August 2007 11:58 (thirteen years ago) link

It's Ambient Sport

Tom D., Friday, 31 August 2007 11:59 (thirteen years ago) link

I really isn't that difficult to get the basics, most people willfully decide that they will never know how it works so never try.

It's the subtleties that take the time, and make the game the greatest sport on Earth.

xpost, thats the joy it can be ambient, not much better than driving around your hols with TMS burbling away, or it can be mind blowingly nerve wracking like the 2005 Ashes.

Jarlrmai, Friday, 31 August 2007 12:03 (thirteen years ago) link

It's Ambient Sport

::HEAD EXPLODES::

Masonic Boom, Friday, 31 August 2007 12:05 (thirteen years ago) link

most people wilfully decide that they will never know how it works so never try

OTM, it really doesn't take much effort to understand, unless you're playing the comedy foreigner/stranger (which I suspect quite a few people here are doing). It's also a sport of ambience AND action; when you're wandering about in the covers waiting for the ball to come your way you can ponder exalted things like the meaning of life or how they make yoghurt, but then WHACK, the batsman's just nailed one to your left, ARE YOU GONNA BE A BRO AND DIVE??

Plus, it's such a logical game, such a balanced game. There's more pertinent risk and reward than in most sports. There's individual human error, there's intense tactical manipulation, there's the lot. It rules.

Just got offed, Friday, 31 August 2007 12:09 (thirteen years ago) link

and it has more truly GREAT witticisms or moments of inspired chat than just about all the other sports combined.

Just got offed, Friday, 31 August 2007 12:11 (thirteen years ago) link

eg "The Batsman's wanking the Coxman's Balls, and he's Willey".

Frogman Henry, Friday, 31 August 2007 12:14 (thirteen years ago) link

if we succeed in grasping it do we automatically become condescending wankers like you? jesus, you people remind me of the guy who taught my perl course a few weeks ago - "so, do you get it, tracer? you look lost! it's really not that difficult"

Tracer Hand, Friday, 31 August 2007 12:23 (thirteen years ago) link

It is sport. Ergo, I do not understand even the POINT of it, let alone the finer nuances of a game with rules so complex they're into their 37th edition since the Victorian age.

Masonic Boom, Friday, 31 August 2007 12:25 (thirteen years ago) link

i think it's nice to watch people in white clothes stand around, run and leap in the sun

Tracer Hand, Friday, 31 August 2007 12:30 (thirteen years ago) link

Go away, you're not taking this thread seriously enough

Tom D., Friday, 31 August 2007 12:32 (thirteen years ago) link

thank goodness

Tracer Hand, Friday, 31 August 2007 12:34 (thirteen years ago) link

"in you're interested in this topic you could try reading the thread, which is a good one, rather than cracking jokes about how asian cricketers are all meek and subservient"

Tom D., Friday, 31 August 2007 12:35 (thirteen years ago) link

ya perl is easy

Jarlrmai, Friday, 31 August 2007 12:55 (thirteen years ago) link

and now Pakistan want the Oval result overturned
http://content-uk.cricinfo.com/pakistan/content/current/story/330349.html

Herman G. Neuname, Friday, 11 January 2008 16:31 (thirteen years ago) link

"We have made the application to the ICC and they will consider it at the next cricket committee meeting," the official told Cricinfo.

Pakistan's case, he added, was strengthened by the fact that England supported the application when the matter was discussed at the executive board meeting of the ICC.

"We have moved the application on the basis of the ICC dropping the ball tampering charges against our team," the official added.

Inzamam told BBC's Urdu service that Pakistan should take a lead from the Indian board and push to change the result of the Oval Test. Inzamam was referring to the ICC's decision to drop Steve Bucknor from the Perth Test between India and Australia after the BCCI complained over Bucknor's umpiring in Sydney. Inzamam said the Pakistan board should pressurise the ICC because the ball tampering charges were eventually dropped. England won the series 3-0.

Herman G. Neuname, Friday, 11 January 2008 16:33 (thirteen years ago) link

Why don't they do away with the game altogether and just argue for three weeks.

Autumn Almanac, Saturday, 12 January 2008 00:19 (thirteen years ago) link

dammit i predicted that series at 3-0 and was incredibly smug about it afterwards

Just got offed, Saturday, 12 January 2008 00:22 (thirteen years ago) link

India withdraw tour quit threat
http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/cricket/7185056.stm

Herman G. Neuname, Saturday, 12 January 2008 15:36 (thirteen years ago) link

Shame.

SeekAltRoute, Sunday, 13 January 2008 09:09 (thirteen years ago) link

"I mean, I'm not sensitive about it . . . but if I'm not your friend, if you're an opposition player or something like that, it is unacceptable."

W4LTER, Sunday, 13 January 2008 09:26 (thirteen years ago) link

http://www.news.com.au/couriermail/story/0,23739,23043586-5003413,00.html

W4LTER, Sunday, 13 January 2008 09:27 (thirteen years ago) link

WOW AUSTRALIA'S 2 SHITTY OPENERS OUT -- 2/13

W4LTER, Thursday, 17 January 2008 04:14 (thirteen years ago) link

3 DOWN ._.

W4LTER, Thursday, 17 January 2008 04:24 (thirteen years ago) link

RIP mr cricket's average in the 80s ;____;

haitch, Thursday, 17 January 2008 04:44 (thirteen years ago) link

5 OUT FOR FUCK NUTHING ;__;

W4LTER, Thursday, 17 January 2008 06:05 (thirteen years ago) link

I HATE MICHAEL CLARKE BTW.

BUT I CAN'T NOT LIKE MR CRICKET

W4LTER, Thursday, 17 January 2008 06:06 (thirteen years ago) link

clarke going off the boil again. drop him and put hodge in, damnit!

haitch, Thursday, 17 January 2008 06:08 (thirteen years ago) link

So we're officially getting shat upon now.

W4LTER, Thursday, 17 January 2008 09:21 (thirteen years ago) link

Can someone please tell me why India is not declaring?

Autumn Almanac, Monday, 28 January 2008 06:27 (thirteen years ago) link

oh fuck this, this final day has pissed me right off.

W4LTER, Monday, 28 January 2008 06:32 (thirteen years ago) link

As I see it there are two options for India:

1. Declare, have a slim hope in hell of getting Australia all out before stumps
2. Stay in like fucking twats and force a draw

Autumn Almanac, Monday, 28 January 2008 06:39 (thirteen years ago) link

one month passes...

Streaker beat down

http://www.smh.com.au/ffximage/2008/03/04/streakerdown_wideweb__470x325,0.jpg

W4LTER, Tuesday, 4 March 2008 22:08 (thirteen years ago) link

Wait, how does the streaker fit into the rules???

HI DERE, Tuesday, 4 March 2008 22:10 (thirteen years ago) link

White Sox fans like cricket now?

felicity, Tuesday, 4 March 2008 22:12 (thirteen years ago) link

ha. a spokesman for the International Cricket Council said: "He is not going to be charged because he brought down a spectator who entered the ground." Although section 4.2 of the council's code of conduct says players may be punished for assaulting spectators, the spokesman would not elaborate when asked if his words meant players could try to bring down streakers.

http://media.smh.com.au/?category=Breaking%20News&rid=36032 video.

W4LTER, Tuesday, 4 March 2008 22:14 (thirteen years ago) link

So... was that 5 points?

HI DERE, Tuesday, 4 March 2008 22:21 (thirteen years ago) link

5 runs, yes.

W4LTER, Tuesday, 4 March 2008 22:23 (thirteen years ago) link

Handy Hint: Don't let your bros order Indian food when India is playing cricket? My bros and I were watching the cricket (LOL forever at Roy's elbowsmash at the streaker...that's the first time they've shown a streaker on the telly for YEARS) and we ordered Indian. SO IT DIDN'T GET DELIVERED FOR FUCKING AGES!!

King Boy Pato, Wednesday, 5 March 2008 10:53 (thirteen years ago) link

six months pass...

Tracer Hand, Sunday, 21 September 2008 22:49 (twelve years ago) link

:D

(for reference, this is the "rules of cricket" cricket thread, and the one for discussion of cricket events is "Cricket" without an ellipsis)

J4gger Dynamic Pentangle (Just got offed), Sunday, 21 September 2008 22:52 (twelve years ago) link

That's why I posted that link here, Louis.

Tracer Hand, Monday, 22 September 2008 16:09 (twelve years ago) link

Yeah, I know! I was just anticipating a rush of off-topic blabber.

J4gger Dynamic Pentangle (Just got offed), Monday, 22 September 2008 16:32 (twelve years ago) link

one year passes...

Hello hello, it's back again

I Poxy the Fule (Tom D.), Thursday, 12 November 2009 10:57 (eleven years ago) link

oh yes

Great Scott! It's Molecular Man. (Ste), Thursday, 12 November 2009 12:23 (eleven years ago) link

Man, I thought this thread said "Chiclet". : (

http://farm1.static.flickr.com/148/425659704_7a39e32a3e.jpg?v=0

kingkongvsgodzilla, Thursday, 12 November 2009 12:55 (eleven years ago) link

Yeah Verin came back with a massive bang in this one and pretty much definitively showed why she was far and away the most awesome Aes Sedai in the book IMO.

― lift this towel, its just a nipple (HI DERE), Thursday, 19 November 2009 16:17 (29 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

Ward Fowler, Thursday, 19 November 2009 16:47 (eleven years ago) link

four years pass...

fao DJP & others, this is cricket distilled 2 its ~essence~

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X9x8STHMdRs

imago, Saturday, 13 September 2014 00:05 (six years ago) link

seven months pass...

want to know what exactly Chris Gayle's sculpted physic is

PORC EPIC SAVVAGE (imago), Monday, 13 April 2015 17:08 (six years ago) link

Ricky Ponting????!!!!???

Quack and Merkt (Tom D.), Monday, 13 April 2015 17:16 (six years ago) link

always a good moment for Feminist Afridi

http://cache.pakistantoday.com.pk/Even-the-Feminist-Afridi-Tumblr-couldnt-offset-this-shoddy-outing.jpg

Noodle Vague, Monday, 13 April 2015 17:17 (six years ago) link

otm

shane watson's is the funniest inclusion/writeup

PORC EPIC SAVVAGE (imago), Monday, 13 April 2015 17:34 (six years ago) link

can only assume that anderson & broad are excluded on grounds of being cockroach england's enforcers

PORC EPIC SAVVAGE (imago), Monday, 13 April 2015 17:38 (six years ago) link

even the photo of Watson is perfect

altho as Tom points out, Ponting still looks like Ian Hislop with a weave

Noodle Vague, Monday, 13 April 2015 17:39 (six years ago) link

beard_getty.jpg

Keith Moom (Neil S), Monday, 13 April 2015 19:19 (six years ago) link

Shikhar Dhawan was robbed, imo.

My brother's middle name is Imran entirely because my mother had a crush on yr man in the 80s tho.

Ethnically Ambiguous / 28 - 45 (ShariVari), Monday, 13 April 2015 20:06 (six years ago) link

isn't yr surname also, like,

PORC EPIC SAVVAGE (imago), Monday, 13 April 2015 20:07 (six years ago) link

yeah

PORC EPIC SAVVAGE (imago), Monday, 13 April 2015 20:07 (six years ago) link

Yep

Ethnically Ambiguous / 28 - 45 (ShariVari), Monday, 13 April 2015 20:07 (six years ago) link

as this is the cricket ephemera thread not the rolling cricket match thread i shan't ask you to pass comment on yr lads' rickety bowling or suliemann benn's fielding/presence in international sport, may revive the other one tho, which will confuse ppl

PORC EPIC SAVVAGE (imago), Monday, 13 April 2015 20:09 (six years ago) link


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