I HATE GARRISON KEILLOR

Message Bookmarked
Bookmark Removed
Why hasn't anyone murdered this smug fuck? Whenever I hear his voice, even if it's just a fifteen-second spot, I can't lunge across the room fast enough to turn off the radio. Now even the piano music intro makes me slather for his blood like Pavlov's rabid dog. I want to punch him in the stomach and knock the wind out of him. I want to kick him in the shins.

Discuss.

Beth Parker, Saturday, 28 April 2007 00:04 (fifteen years ago) link

Hahaha where's everyone from the gun-control thread?

nabisco, Saturday, 28 April 2007 00:28 (fifteen years ago) link

Garrison Keillor vs Paul Harvey: FITE!

Aimless, Saturday, 28 April 2007 00:35 (fifteen years ago) link

I like Prairie Home Companion and Garrison Keillor.
I also read Salon and listen to This American Life.

I should be banned from ILX.

aimurchie, Saturday, 28 April 2007 00:41 (fifteen years ago) link

i would love to feed him slowly to somebody/thing

SusanD, Saturday, 28 April 2007 01:34 (fifteen years ago) link

also there is something worse than him, that is like him, but i can't say it on the internet. just know that i'm dealing wiht it..

SusanD, Saturday, 28 April 2007 01:34 (fifteen years ago) link

Now I'm not going to be able to sleep.

Beth Parker, Saturday, 28 April 2007 01:42 (fifteen years ago) link

Oh god, that other thread has AUDIO GK when you click on "show all messages!" I can't handle it. Besides, I read everything above and below the red box except for Gabbneb's super long posts, and in my opinion the whole thread strayed too far from righteous GK hate. There are other threads for holding forth about other NPR dreck. KEEP ON TASK, PEOPLE.

Beth Parker, Saturday, 28 April 2007 01:51 (fifteen years ago) link

http://www.theaterticketsnow.com/images/garrison-keillor.jpg

lfam, Saturday, 28 April 2007 02:18 (fifteen years ago) link

i like his show AND this american life, unless i'm in a bad mood, and then it all rubs me the wrong way

lfam, Saturday, 28 April 2007 02:19 (fifteen years ago) link

i'm rubbernecking on visions of having to service him. why o why. kill brain kill kill kill. i hate myself

SusanD, Saturday, 28 April 2007 02:27 (fifteen years ago) link

going to get some fresh air. seriously

SusanD, Saturday, 28 April 2007 02:28 (fifteen years ago) link

fresh air every day at 4pm on npr!

chaki, Saturday, 28 April 2007 02:35 (fifteen years ago) link

Oh beth! You can hear that old piano...
Come on, you should reserve you vitriol for the jazz lady.

"The earliest radio program to have this name bears little resemblance to what is currently heard on Saturday evenings. A Prairie Home Companion was originally a morning show running from 6 to 9 a.m. on Minnesota Public Radio.

After researching the Grand Ole Opry for an article, Keillor became interested in doing a variety show on the radio. On July 6, 1974, the first live broadcast of A Prairie Home Companion took place. That show was broadcast from St. Paul in the Janet Wallace Auditorium of Macalester College. Twelve audience members turned out, mostly children. The second episode featured the first performance on the show by Butch Thompson, who became house pianist. Thompson stayed with the program until 1986, and still frequently performs on the show."

ya gotta respect a funny looking guy with a weird name who made this show happen. You can certainly dislike him, if you have to.

I am coming to your house, with a boombox raised above my head, with the Prairie Home Companion theme song playing.

aimurchie, Saturday, 28 April 2007 02:59 (fifteen years ago) link

Stupid ILX! Be more funny!

M.V., Saturday, 28 April 2007 03:17 (fifteen years ago) link

At the risk of alienating Beth by saying anything nice at all, I will give my solemn opinion on GK. [pulls a solemn face]

Way back when, in the late 80s-early 90s, I liked GK's stuff. He was sort of a low-wattage humorist in the classic USA vein of small-town foibles and making gentle fun of the quirks of Catholics, Lutherans and Presbyterians, etc. He mined this vein well enough and has decent enough technique as a monologist. I was satisfied and amused.

Along about the time he got his first book contract, he had begun to go to same well too often. Soon he was struggling with the difficulties of self-parody and repetition. He seemed to recognize this problem and tried to escape it, but never, NEVER at the cost of alienating his fans, who like most fans want only to be tickled reliably in the same places they enjoyed the first time he tickled them. Unlike Twain or Vonnegut, he has never risked his reputation, or his income by pulling out a razor and taking off a few noses. This has mired him in second-rate mediocrity, when he might possibly have risen above it. Possibly.

I don't particularly care if he is a shitheel, or if he loves his mother, or is a tyrant to his employees or a big old puppy dog. That stuff is irrelevant to his art. Sadly, he has become a hack, like Jimmy Durante, or Jimmy Buffet, or Patrick MacManus - someone who performs the same old schtick for the same reliable audience, that never changes and never wearies of consuming the same old pablum. Or, to look at it from his fans's POV, he never disappoints their expectations. Same thing goes for his haters.

Me, I listen now and then for the other stuff, the music, some of the skits. Like that. His famous Lake Woebegon monologue has nothing to interest me any more.

Goodnight, Mrs. Calabash, wherever you are.

Aimless, Saturday, 28 April 2007 03:21 (fifteen years ago) link

This is the 2nd time I've noticed Ms. Parker hatin' on public radio. She kinda sounds like my wife in that, if my wife ever said more than like 10 words at a time and wasn't a buddhist. My wife hates public radio 'cause it's made for a bunch of self-satisfied upper-middle-class educated white jerks. Well, she doesn't hate it, 'cause she doesn't hate anything, officially. Ms. Parker also draws a lot better than my wife does, but that probably has no effect on NPR capacity.

libcrypt, Saturday, 28 April 2007 04:38 (fifteen years ago) link

One recent thing I have to love Keillor forever for:

http://www.nytimes.com/2006/01/29/books/review/29keillor.html?ex=1296190800&en=f45b6b60925ee6f7&ei=5090&partner=rssuserland&emc=rss

nabisco, Saturday, 28 April 2007 05:05 (fifteen years ago) link

That was one of the most entertaining book reviews I've ever read.

Nathan, Saturday, 28 April 2007 05:39 (fifteen years ago) link

he writes about the Mall of America. "What do we learn about American civilization from this mausoleum of merchandise, this funeral accumulation of false goods and nondesires in this end-of-the-world setting? What is the effect on the Americans of today of this confined space, this aquarium, where only a semblance of life seems to subsist?" - OTM

SusanD, Saturday, 28 April 2007 05:52 (fifteen years ago) link

does GK still live in Minnesota?

SusanD, Saturday, 28 April 2007 05:53 (fifteen years ago) link

three years pass...

http://therumpus.net/2010/05/oh-garrison/

Garrison causes controversy again. Though I really find it difficult to understand how people are missing the copious amounts of sarcasm present in this article and, indeed, in every word GK has ever written.

crazy ass between (askance johnson), Thursday, 27 May 2010 15:58 (twelve years ago) link

nine months pass...

Looks like Powdermilk Biscuits is going to have to find a new spokesperson.

naus, Friday, 18 March 2011 21:03 (eleven years ago) link

Dude gets up there every week and tells a 20-minute story from scratch.

Magnum PI and Fashion-Forward Dudes (Eazy), Friday, 18 March 2011 21:23 (eleven years ago) link

three years pass...
one year passes...

The movie will be the best archive of this show in 20 years. Both the show and movie could've been called "Goofing Around and Mortality."

Any Given User (Eazy), Sunday, 3 July 2016 16:28 (six years ago) link

i read this yesterday. about how strange he is.

http://www.nytimes.com/2016/06/19/arts/the-garrison-keillor-you-never-knew.html?_r=0

scott seward, Sunday, 3 July 2016 18:06 (six years ago) link

kinda like christopher walken in jonathan demme's movie Who Am I This Time?.

scott seward, Sunday, 3 July 2016 18:08 (six years ago) link

feel like this fucker's been retiring for a 100 years. last show this weekend, then I heard "oh but he's taking it on tour!" fuck that

akm, Sunday, 3 July 2016 19:34 (six years ago) link

one year passes...

i never liked prairie home companion but ever since garrison keillor died it's reached new depths of garbage. that new guy.

assawoman bay (harbl), Saturday, 21 October 2017 23:14 (four years ago) link

lmao i didn't know the guy from Nickel Creek was hosting APHC now, that sounds dreadful

Erotic Wolf (crüt), Saturday, 21 October 2017 23:17 (four years ago) link

He's not dead. He just stepped off the treadmill.

A is for (Aimless), Saturday, 21 October 2017 23:29 (four years ago) link

waiting for the GK Weinsteinish stories

(besides the one i overheard on the train)

ice cream social justice (Dr Morbius), Saturday, 21 October 2017 23:46 (four years ago) link

in the meantime, we could spread rumors

A is for (Aimless), Saturday, 21 October 2017 23:47 (four years ago) link

i know he was not dead i was just wishful, like david brooks rip

assawoman bay (harbl), Sunday, 22 October 2017 00:29 (four years ago) link

my parents keep trying to get me to go to a PHC show and honestly i'd rather go with chris thile than keillor. heard through the grapevine he's (surprise) especially creepy to young women

global tetrahedron, Sunday, 22 October 2017 00:30 (four years ago) link

i was gonna ask which one is but i'll just assume both. i stayed in the car to hatelisten when i got home tonight. he has his own style of mmhmm yes, sumptuous. it reminded me of whatever cankles said.

assawoman bay (harbl), Sunday, 22 October 2017 00:33 (four years ago) link

i forgot there are two threads and this is not the other one

assawoman bay (harbl), Sunday, 22 October 2017 00:34 (four years ago) link

he sounds like he is perpetually massaging his own balls
― INSANE CLOWN FOSSE (Adrian Langston), Friday, June 2, 2006 12:00 PM (eleven years ago)

assawoman bay (harbl), Sunday, 22 October 2017 00:34 (four years ago) link

i just realized he reminds me of mr. o'neill from daria

assawoman bay (harbl), Sunday, 22 October 2017 00:43 (four years ago) link

one month passes...

waiting for the GK Weinsteinish stories

(besides the one i overheard on the train)

― ice cream social justice (Dr Morbius), Saturday, October 21, 2017

wait no longer

ice cream social justice (Dr Morbius), Wednesday, 29 November 2017 17:42 (four years ago) link

my parents keep trying to get me to go to a PHC show and honestly i'd rather go with chris thile than keillor. heard through the grapevine he's (surprise) especially creepy to young women

― global tetrahedron, Saturday, October 21, 2017 7:30 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

pplains, Wednesday, 29 November 2017 18:21 (four years ago) link

I hate this dude but this allegation-->FIRED IMMEDIATELY thing we have now is really fucking horrifying & disgusting

sleepingbag, Wednesday, 29 November 2017 19:31 (four years ago) link

one would assume media companies have the goods on people if they're confident enough to fire them

(not saying there is no possibility of injustice, but i wouldn't bet on it in this case)

ice cream social justice (Dr Morbius), Wednesday, 29 November 2017 19:34 (four years ago) link

yeah I don't think "allegation-->FIRED IMMEDIATELY" is how this or any other high--profile case has happened at all

Simon H., Wednesday, 29 November 2017 19:35 (four years ago) link

if anything it means that HR departments are moving quickly, which is a positive as far as I'm concerned.

cosmic brain dildo (Sparkle Motion), Wednesday, 29 November 2017 19:35 (four years ago) link

he sounds like he is perpetually massaging his own balls
― INSANE CLOWN FOSSE (Adrian Langston), Friday, June 2, 2006 12:00 PM (eleven years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

rb (soda), Wednesday, 29 November 2017 19:37 (four years ago) link

His "interesting" explanation of what really happened specifically says he put his hand up under a woman's shirt, but since he was touching her bare back and he says he apologized the next day I guess that means it must be OK.

A is for (Aimless), Wednesday, 29 November 2017 19:46 (four years ago) link

I am pretty surprised by this one, Charlie Rose, and Matt Lauer. These guys are so dull.

New Jersey (treeship 2), Wednesday, 29 November 2017 19:50 (four years ago) link

Worst recast of The Dreamers ever

rb (soda), Wednesday, 29 November 2017 19:52 (four years ago) link

“If I had a dollar for every woman who asked to take a selfie with me and who slipped an arm around me and let it drift down below the beltline, I’d have at least a hundred dollars.

Lol wtf.

New Jersey (treeship 2), Wednesday, 29 November 2017 19:53 (four years ago) link

I think he’s lying about what happened — an accidental pat on the back. I would be surprised if he was fired for that.

New Jersey (treeship 2), Wednesday, 29 November 2017 19:54 (four years ago) link

Even if it was a tepid sexual advance and he pulled back when it wasn’t reciprocated and then emailed her an apology.... like, that’s not the kind of thing these other people are getting fired for.

New Jersey (treeship 2), Wednesday, 29 November 2017 19:56 (four years ago) link

“If I had a dollar for every woman who asked to take a selfie with me...

Gee, were those women your bosses, or were you directly dependent on their good will for your livelihood?

A is for (Aimless), Wednesday, 29 November 2017 20:14 (four years ago) link

“If I had a dollar for every woman who asked to take a selfie with me and who slipped an arm around me and let it drift down below the beltline, I’d have at least a hundred dollars.
Lol wtf.

― New Jersey (treeship 2), Wednesday, November 29, 2017 2:53 PM (twenty-six minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

ugh i keep hearing john fogerty singing this to the tune of "lodi"

marcos, Wednesday, 29 November 2017 20:21 (four years ago) link

kind of falls apart towards the end tho

marcos, Wednesday, 29 November 2017 20:25 (four years ago) link

i could have sworn it was here where i read some account about how horrible he is to work for but maybe it wasn't. or maybe it was on the noize board thread.

scott seward, Wednesday, 29 November 2017 20:25 (four years ago) link

“If I had a dollar for every woman who asked to take a selfie with me and who slipped an arm around me and let it drift down below the beltline, I’d have at least a hundred dollars.
Lol wtf.

― New Jersey (treeship 2), Wednesday, November 29, 2017 2:53 PM (twenty-six minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

ugh i keep hearing john fogerty singing this to the tune of "lodi"

― marcos, Wednesday, November 29, 2017 3:21 PM (eight minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Fuck man me too now

flappy bird, Wednesday, 29 November 2017 20:30 (four years ago) link

Goddammit

flappy bird, Wednesday, 29 November 2017 20:30 (four years ago) link

i've heard he's a total creep and extremely rude arrogant in general xp

global tetrahedron, Wednesday, 29 November 2017 20:31 (four years ago) link

and let it drift down below the beltline

Dude is like 6'5"

... (Eazy), Wednesday, 29 November 2017 20:51 (four years ago) link

uh...

It began airing nationwide in 1980 and grew into a hit that fueled MPR's growth into one of the nation's largest public radio operations. At the show's peak, Keillor drew 4 million listeners every week while serving as Minnesota's cultural ambassador, with tales of the mythical Lake Wobegon that gently skewered the state's strong work ethic, good-hearted earthiness and humble nature. Keillor appeared on the cover of Time magazine. His book "Lake Wobegon Days" sold more than 1 million copies in 1985. Playgirl named him one of the sexiest men in America.

Universal LULU Nation (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Wednesday, 29 November 2017 21:10 (four years ago) link

what the fuck

flappy bird, Wednesday, 29 November 2017 21:11 (four years ago) link

i was overjoyed to hear this sumptuous news today mmmhmm

assawoman bay (harbl), Thursday, 30 November 2017 00:24 (four years ago) link

The story of his alleged misdeeds is “more interesting and more complicated than the version MPR heard,” Keillor wrote.

The thought of him monotonously narrating a homespun yarn about his sexual misdeeds is like some new undiscovered circle of hell.

Moodles, Thursday, 30 November 2017 01:33 (four years ago) link

interesting? that's the word he picked?

assawoman bay (harbl), Thursday, 30 November 2017 01:34 (four years ago) link

lmao moodles

flappy bird, Thursday, 30 November 2017 05:06 (four years ago) link

Actual conversation that just happened between me and a nurse.

Him: can't believe about garrison Keillor
Me: I'm not surprised.
Him: what do you mean? I never took him for a letch. He was instantly fired...

He seemed offended so I threw him the peace sign

In a slipshod style (Ross), Friday, 1 December 2017 21:40 (four years ago) link

I have only good things to say about my biggest mentor/influence in comedy. I wasn't going to say anything, but the world has lost its mind. pic.twitter.com/DpDpzoVAMH

— Erica Rhodes (@ericarhodes) December 1, 2017

j., Saturday, 2 December 2017 03:06 (four years ago) link

The world doesn't have a mind.

Fred Klinkenberg (Eric H.), Saturday, 2 December 2017 03:46 (four years ago) link

It does, but it's below average

ur-oik (rip van wanko), Saturday, 2 December 2017 05:10 (four years ago) link

i don't know who erica rhodes is but if garrison keillor is your biggest influence in comedy idk what to tell you, maybe choose another career

assawoman bay (harbl), Saturday, 2 December 2017 13:39 (four years ago) link

Waiting for the other shoe to drop on this guy too.

http://www.wjct.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/wyk_event_image_960x480_01.png

pplains, Saturday, 2 December 2017 15:54 (four years ago) link

xp she's been appearing on his show since she was a kid

j., Saturday, 2 December 2017 16:58 (four years ago) link

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XG7WC2qGoZg

Pheeel, Saturday, 2 December 2017 23:58 (four years ago) link

Oops, should've been this one

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tmkq7yylRkU

Pheeel, Saturday, 2 December 2017 23:58 (four years ago) link

going after women who criticize him on Facebook now

I guess Donald Trump isn't the only one who reflexively responds to criticism by belitting *women* after trolling for comments about himself he wasn't tagged in by pages he doesn't follow. Just another day in the womanhood. pic.twitter.com/3TWTUSJcPO

— nora mcinerny (@noraborealis) December 2, 2017

Universal LULU Nation (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Sunday, 3 December 2017 15:23 (four years ago) link

god that Simpsons clip is fucking amazing

flappy bird, Sunday, 3 December 2017 23:11 (four years ago) link


You must be logged in to post. Please either login here, or if you are not registered, you may register here.