Rate the people sitting across or next to you on public transport

last week, waiting for a 286 to take me to cricket practice, there was an enormously obese man waiting for a bus with his fairly attractive girlfriend and a couple of suitcases. as he waited for the bus he kept leaning on his suitcase and doing some sort of ego-affirming dance. he was wearing massive red pyjama bottoms (or cargo pants or whatever huge ppl wear) and of course he was wearing that 6-piece baseball cap thing that most obese people who idealise themselves as being street seem to tote. then the bus came and i got on. sat at the back. he got on. his girlfriend scanned her oyster card. he started ostentatiously fishing around in his pockets. he did not have a card. he looked for some money. he did not have money. he had to get his girlfriend to find two quid. by the time he'd paid, about 2 or 3 minutes had elapsed. the bus set off. then we approached my stop. at a quiet moment, halted at traffic lights, i pressed the bus-stopping button. about ten seconds later, he pressed it as well. for me, this is a black mark against any character. dude just couldn't give a fuck about the world around him. anyway we stopped, and i got off. as i got off i noticed this dude begin to harangue the driver about something. i walked into the university site where the sports hall was, turning round on occasion. the bus was still stationary. it took two minutes for the argument to be resolved, and the bus to pull away, by which time i could barely see it. that guy gets 1/10.

6-piece baseball cap thing

?

it might just be a standard baseball cap, but it's got the flat front brim and the six triangular pieces of leather curved up to meet at a button on top - the cap is not hemispherical but choad-shaped - it tend to attenuate their massy head girth. by 'obese people' i mean 'obese men', really.

btw the bus driver mentioned upthread also stopped literally outside my house to let me off, might bump up to 9/10

Dudes who got on the front of the N21 absolutely bladdered, one stumbling to the top of the stairs, then another one proceeding to write the words 'FUCK OFF' in the condensation, draw a picture of a penis, and then sign his work (with an underline), then jump on his two friends sitting in the seats across the aisle and submerge them in a mock-fistfight, pretending to stab and batter them, all while calling the two women already sitting behind them 'good guys' and promising to beat his friend up if he touched them, 9/10 for entertaining and mildly terrifying me

Also on the 12, there was a guy who started screaming at the driver to hurry up and drive, even though the bus had visibly just run somebody over. At the next stop after the bus had moved on, he screamed at the driver not to stop for a woman with a pushchair who was trying to get on. At the stop after that he got off and sprinted down the road.

Not gonna rate that one tbh.

The bus had run somebody over!?

Wait yeah wtf?!? It kept going after running someone over? Where do you live, Zombieland?

young lady on the 341 talking incessantly in high, keening voice on her mobile, having the temerity to annoy me while I had a hangover 2/10

It seemed to have hit somebody as it went past, she wasn't mangled under the wreckage or anything, but the Police were already there and they spoke to the driver for a bit before he moved on.

Sometimes you just don't want the driver to be hanging around tho

Annoying English family with out of control child that ran up and down the carriage to stare at me before the train even moved: 0/10, worst savages alive imho

sitting behind me on the 414 from Fulham this evening: vile couple in their 50s, at least one of whom was wankered in that slurry umc way. They seemed to utterly despise each other, with him telling her that she'd destroyed every relationship he'd ever had before repeatedly calling her a "stupid fucking bitch".

depressing end to the weekend and I wish my ipod had waited until they'd gone before running out of juice.

0/10 btw

ah man

fuck it, everyone gets a 10

hny

How was your New Year's Eve, Louis?

Glasgow to London train, guy sat down opposite me, thought he was Krakow for a moment, and he wasn't, so 0/10.

Feller who got on the tram, scuffled all the way through it saying 'excuse me, please excuse me, I'm on DFP (or something, may have misheard this), sorry, excuse me, thank you, thank you', approached a seat at the end, said 'that's my seat, sorry, that's my seat, thank you, thank you', sat, rocked violently, yelled 'FUCK OFF!!! FUCK OFF!!!' at the air and switched to yelling in another language: 8/10, for having the ability and the grace to be as courteous as he possibly could.

dude on subway is sitting there solving a rubies cube with one hand, nbd

Sad bitch who, when I stood aside so people could get off the tram, fucking barged in front of me (and who I subsequently whacked very hard with my bag): 0.00000002

Seemingly normal looking woman who took the seat next to me on the bus, but then proceeded to practically climb onto my lap such was her keenness to use me as some kind of leaning post, and who had about eight bags with her meaning I had to clamber over them to get off when my stop arrived: 0/10 and I know what you look like so whenever you get on again I will just give you the fucking seat, here, you can have it all to yourself, no really I insist.

300 year old guy with egg-sized tumor on face. .02 but if you sat on the other side just once so I didn't have to stare at that thing, 1.5.

Community college student who looks like Maynard G. Krebs and sings loudly and tunelessly and has conversations with imaginary people while iPod bangin' Harry Potter audiobooks (I looked over your shoulder), 5. Without the sunglasses 2.

Group of highly nerdy pre-teens who looked uncannily like The IT Crowd (one even had a Moss haircut ffs) and talked about computers for 20 mins: 8.5/10 for being accidentally wonderful

Rangy looking guy a week or so ago on the Tube desperately trying to convince everybody that he was from another time and needed to get back, he was on the Met Line so I guess that's a start. 8/10 (-2 for being stinky)

2x suitcase-carrying student girls queuing for train at Euston

Student girl 1: Ohmigod this guy just like, totally cut me up, and like, totally didn't even say sorry? I was like, you are *sochatwat*?

Student girl 2: Ohmigod, that would like, never happen in Hertfordshire.

1/10

d bitch who, when I stood aside so people could get off the tram, fucking barged in front of me (and who I subsequently whacked very hard with my bag): 0.00000002

I would post this on the trivial shit that ruins your life every single day thread if I was the kind of guy who posted on that thread

people who take the aisle seat + put their bags on the window seat when the train is clearly going to be packed and only grudgingly move them when you stand over them:

a universal 8.4

businessman in pinstriped-suit eating mcdonalds sitting in the middle of a 3-seat lane on the train. Wouldn't budge up a single inch to let my gf sit down properly (even though there was plenty of room next to him) and insisted on slurping on his fingers all the way through the journey.

you suck
0.5/10

loud girl who screeched "He fookin said he doesn't shittin. How gay is that? Naaaaaaa!" etc right behind me for 10 minutes
i don't even ...
0.1

he doesn't what??

So mainstream now

http://www.tubecrush.net/

Woman who sat right next to me and immediately sneezed her cold all over me: thick fuck

Woman eating a WHOLE CHICKEN on the train with her fingers: 0/10

Rather that than http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=715_1314132581

Shrieking, turquoise-skinned mercenary regiment on the lower deck of the 185, deliberately mocking me by holding aloft the severed heads of my favourite primary school teachers: 3/10

The most awesome person who ever sat across or next to me on public transport asked me and my friends what three words in the English Language begin with "dw". We got "dwarf" straightaway and "dwell" not long after but couldn't think of the third, and my friends and I went back to talking amongst ourselves and he went back to doing whatever he was doing before he offered his conundrum. The bus reached its final destination and everyone got off, he started walking in the opposite direction to us but just at that moment I figured it out and called after him "dwindle". Without stopping or looking round he raised his fist in the air and shouted "Dwindle!"

that is amazing

15-yr-old girl who casually gave her number out and then, as the boy got off the bus and bid adieu with the words "I'll see you around", rebuffed him with "Yeah. Right. And that was my boyfriend's number": 10/10

― lex pretend, Tuesday, April 3, 2007 1:48 PM (4 years ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

Guy on bus with a roll of Morrison's "Reduced 10p" stickers for clearance items, passing them out to people and telling them it really helps with the shopping - both 1/10 and 10/10, the sentiment is nice but I hope most of the #26 aren't thieves as well.

Kenta Kobashi and Toshiaki Kawada, violently trading Strong Style near-falls on the 484 towards Lewisham: 7/10 - breathtaking stuff, but caused quite a lot of confusion and crowding and a woman who'd been trying to get off the bus at Goose Green ended up having to stay on until the Oakhurst Grove stop as a result

ledge, i love that story.

"dweeb" is in my dictionary

Idiot couple sitting across from me on 3.5 hour train journey yesterday, you deserve more detail than one sentence allows; So...

Slurring, lager downing man, whose every mumbled utterance was leapt upon by (clearly) new girlfriend as though it were Oscar Wilde/Dorothy Parker reborn, accompanied by incessant, braying laughter, and you also put your filthy feet all over the seats in front - 3/10, at least I couldn't hear you much.

As for you, his sweet babboo, when you reach the point that a father on seats behind takes to imitating your laugh, to the delight of his children ("That's it Dad! She sounds just like a sheep!!") you might want to think about dialling down the chuckles, also when you complained that my wife and I were just sitting quietly reading and enjoying the scenery rather than pawing each other, making out and hobbling off to take coke in the train toilets: WE CAN HEAR YOU. That's a solid 0/10, you vacuous imbecile.

Guy noisily chowing down on a family-sized bag of crisps for your breakfast with a large bottle of coke to wash it down, 2/10 with a side order of diabetes.

I'm sure your army friend who takes the piss out of black people, Chinese people, Indian people, is really really funny and totally justified because he has the experience.

(4/10 cause your friend clearly thinks you are hilarious)

Respectable-looking middle-aged guy on the metro intently reading the articles in what appears to be a barely-legal porn magazine oblivious to the giggling fits of the teenage girls sitting on both sides of you, although i applaud your dedication to the literary arts, this really isn't socially acceptable. 3/10

Be the change you want to see imo.

Loud yank girls trading long flat syllabic inanities loudly- 2/10

Innercity couple arguing about whether the smell has come out of her tracksuit 7/10

Fat aged marketing cokehead with expert opinions on stuff, to be shared with random crosseyed nun beside him 5 at best

And only 5 cos she rolled her eyes at me about you