WORLD'S OLDEST PERSON!!!!

Having struggled with basic algebra and geometry while trying to do something extremely simple for the last hour, I feel like everything I once knew by heart is in doubt

Those tiresome pedants have been on my nerves for about 18 years now.

^

but fyi Karl

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Century#Debate_over_century_celebrations

Not even relating to Britain's oldest person, let alone the world's, but a nice wee article nonetheless: https://www.theguardian.com/society/2018/mar/25/britain-oldest-men-bob-weighton-alf-smith-110-years-old

"Unlike some fellow supercentenarians, (Bob) Weighton offers no clues to his longevity – no daily whisky or fresh air or game of Scrabble. “I have absolutely no idea why I’ve lived so long. I just haven’t died yet, that’s all.”"

Finally! An oldest person that is not full of shit.

Excellent bowel movements at his age are commendable though

Scientists unravel secrets of ‘superagers’ - "they are usually total dicks" says egg-spurt

I continue to pollute the thread with people who are nowhere near the world's oldest, but deserve note nonetheless ... https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2018/mar/09/oldest-person-world-ride-rollercoaster-experience His 106th birthday challenge was a zip wire ride.

there is no WORLD'S OLDEST SPIDER thread so posting this here

https://www.theguardian.com/environment/2018/apr/30/worlds-oldest-known-spider-dies-at-43-after-a-quiet-life-underground

The spider did not die of old age but was killed by a wasp sting, researchers said.

Fuckin' Oz, man.

Dead at 43 after a quiet life underground? Bet he was a big Jawbreaker fan.

Wonder what bullshit excuse he had for his longevity.

Staying off the web.

nailed it

Spider was female, so no doubt she never married... to another spider... er....

kinda bums me out that this extraordinary spider didn't have a more imaginative name than 'number 16'

rip teenie, heaven needed a quadragenarian arachnid

Spider was female, so no doubt she never married

Already calling her a spinster, show some respect.

The fact that the original source is apparently The Sun makes me think I shouldn't even be posting this one, especially as her age is likely utter nonsense, but going ahead anyway for the deliciously miserable outlook.

"Long life is not at all God’s gift for me -- but a punishment.”

https://www.thrillist.com/news/nation/worlds-oldest-human-ever-never-happy

Onionesque or is this Putin trying to mess with our minds again?

she was 55 when WWII ended

I did wonder if I may have been duped by satire.

https://nationalpost.com/news/world/historys-oldest-woman-a-fraud-theory-says-122-year-old-jeanne-calment-was-actually-a-99-year-old-imposter

(Her daughter posed as her because of her money)

this is a well-written article because it doesn't get very far before pointing out the potential issues with this allegation. tristin hopper, you did a good job.

I always thought there was something a bit shifty about those eyes. And she badmouthed V van Gogh, nah deffo fake!

This is a better story.

And it’s hilarious that, making up a story about meeting van gogh, she decided the thing to do would be to trash him

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Xh0KqhgNvw

the only good record

(also if you google her, the first option that isn't just her is "jeanne calment diet" -- which was chocolate, olive oil, cigarettes and cheap red wine. so it's important that this story not be false at all)

I think she just meant a wee noggin of red wine as opposed to finishing off the bottle and then some, but I want to believe as well.

one bottle of red for every bottle of olive oil, works for me

this was actually always my favourite part of the story:

In 1965, at age 90 and with no heirs, Calment signed a contract to sell her apartment to lawyer André-François Raffray, retaining a life estate.[13] Raffray, then aged 47 years, agreed to pay her a monthly sum of 2,500 francs (€381.12) until she died. Raffray ended up paying Calment the equivalent of more than €140,000, more than double the apartment's value. After Raffray's death from cancer at the age of 77, in 1995, his family continued the payments until Calment's death.[13] Calment's comment on this situation was reported to be, "In life, one sometimes makes bad deals."[6]

i know a lot abt her bcz i'm a music journalist

https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/f/f4/Geert_Adriaans_Boomgaard_op_100-jarige_leeftijd_-_J.G._Kramer_%281888%29.jpg/320px-Geert_Adriaans_Boomgaard_op_100-jarige_leeftijd_-_J.G._Kramer_%281888%29.jpg

Geert Adriaans Boomgaard at the age of 100, in 1888, convincing few, i feel

Living from 1875 to 1997 seems ridiculous.

I could imagine some ill-fed gang of cheeky little gap toothed scamps hooking that syrup off his head with a fishing rod, and then holding it hostage.

until they died, while he watched on and laughed

another supercentenarian story i like wz abt a woman who'd been put in an asylum by her asshole husband in her 30s, and then outlived him by like 50 years. asked late on how she felt abt it all she said, "it's been nice here, it's peaceful and i've done a lot of knitting"

^ people who seem to have figured out how to live

"According to the July 20, 1876 edition of The New York Times, a man arrested in Newark, NJ named Colestein Veglin claimed to be 615 years old and to have 6 wives, all living."

quick thinking there

another supercentenarian story i like wz abt a woman who'd been put in an asylum by her asshole husband in her 30s, and then outlived him by like 50 years. asked late on how she felt abt it all she said, "it's been nice here, it's peaceful and i've done a lot of knitting"

― mark s, Wednesday, January 2, 2019 5:47 AM (eighteen minutes ago)

you're probably thinking of Carrie White, whose title was revoked after it came to light that she was only 102 when she died (though she really did spend 75 years in an asylum):

https://en.everybodywiki.com/Carrie_C._White
https://www.sun-sentinel.com/news/fl-xpm-1990-11-18-9002260315-story.html

In 1909, her husband, a blacksmith, took her to Florida State Hospital in Chattahoochee, a mental facility, complaining that the 35-year-old woman was showing her arms inappropriately and saying that somebody was out to harm their twins. The couple apparently had no children. She also threatened to do harm to herself.

That was the last time anyone at the hospital, including Carrie, saw or heard from the husband.

For the next 75 years, the pretty, brown-haired piano teacher would be locked away in an institution that eventually would be investigated by the state for brutal and inhumane patient abuses.

ok that version of the story is less pleasing possibly

Maybe she was talking about her arms?

per the guinness book of records (break-out 1970 edition) the world's oldest ever no-longer-living person when i was a kid was a french-canadian tailor who had lived to the age of 113

on the internet today i can find no record of his even having existed (it wd probably help to remember his name but i don't)

Li Ching-Yuen or Li Ching-Yun (simplified Chinese: 李清云; traditional Chinese: 李清雲; pinyin: Lǐ Qīngyún) (died 6 May 1933) was a Chinese herbalist, martial artist and tactical advisor, known for his supposed extreme longevity.[4][5] He claimed to have been born in 1736, while disputed records suggest 1677, implying an age at death of 197 and 256 years, respectively. Both far exceed the highest verified ages on record.

His true date of birth was never determined, and his claims have been dismissed by gerontologists as a myth.[6] While his claims have never been verified, they have been widely circulated as an Internet hoax.[7]

this guy was also 7 feet tall, reportedly

chinese have smaller feet tho

He claimed to have been born in 1736, while disputed records suggest 1677

"i'm 197!"
"lol don't be ridiculous, i think you'll find yr 256" *flourishes records*
"i dispute those!" *dies*