Jesus Fucking Christ: evangelical bigwig opposed gay marriage "because it takes the dirt and danger out of clandestine sex with rent-a-men"

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Okay, I facricated the quote, but COME ON ALREADY YOU JACKASSES.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20061102/ap_on_re_us/haggard_sex_allegations

By CATHERINE TSAI, Associated Press Writer

COLORADO SPRINGS, Colo. - The leader of the influential National Association of Evangelicals, a vocal opponent of the drive for same-sex marriage, resigned Thursday after being accused of paying for sex with a man.

The Rev. Ted Haggard also stepped aside as head of his 14,000-member New Life Church while a church panel investigates, saying he could "not continue to minister under the cloud created by the accusations."

The investigation came after a 49-year-old man told a Denver radio station that Haggard paid him to have sex.

Haggard, a married father of five, denied the allegations in an interview with KUSA-TV late Wednesday: "Never had a gay relationship with anybody, and I'm steady with my wife, I'm faithful to my wife."

In a written statement, Haggard said: "I am voluntarily stepping aside from leadership so that the overseer process can be allowed to proceed with integrity. I hope to be able to discuss this matter in more detail at a later date. In the interim, I will seek both spiritual advice and guidance."

Mike Jones, 49, told The Associated Press that Haggard paid him to have sex nearly every month for three years. His allegations were first aired on KHOW-AM in Denver.

Jones said that he had advertised himself as an escort on the Internet and that a man who called himself Art contacted him. Jones said he later saw the man on television identified as Haggard.

He said that he last had sex with Haggard in August and that he did not warn him before making his allegations this week.

Jones said he has voice mail messages from Haggard, as well as an envelope he said Haggard used to mail him cash, though he declined to make any of it available to the AP.

"There's some stuff on there (the voice mails) that's pretty damning," he said.

Richard Cizik, vice president for government affairs for the evangelicals association, expressed shock.

"Is this something I can imagine of Ted Haggard? No," he said.

Carolyn Haggard, spokeswoman for the New Life Church, said a four-member church panel will investigate the allegations. She did not identify the board members.

"This is really routine when any sort of situation like this arises, so we're prepared," she said. "The church is going to continue to serve and be welcoming to our community. That's a priority."

___

Associated Press writer Dan Elliott in Denver contributed to this report

hearditonthexico (rogermexico), Friday, 3 November 2006 00:07 (sixteen years ago) link

yeah, we've been yakking about this on the Foley thread.

"Gay prostitute" too bulky; "male whore" is much more better to say.

kingfish prætor (kingfish 2.0), Friday, 3 November 2006 00:11 (sixteen years ago) link

I dunno this one smells of a setup to me.

Trayce (trayce), Friday, 3 November 2006 00:16 (sixteen years ago) link

I said it before - a 59yo gay male escort?!?

Shakey Mo Collier (Shakey Mo Collier), Friday, 3 November 2006 00:22 (sixteen years ago) link

we've been yakking about this on the Foley thread

Whoops! Shame on me for giving up on that one days ago...

Trayce, I know nada about the facts in this one but the fact that he stepped down before it went any further suggests that where there's smoke there's, er, fire.

xpost - I thought it was an ephebic 49

hearditonthexico (rogermexico), Friday, 3 November 2006 00:23 (sixteen years ago) link

five more days...

kingfish prætor (kingfish 2.0), Friday, 3 November 2006 00:26 (sixteen years ago) link

LORD WILLIN'!

hearditonthexico (rogermexico), Friday, 3 November 2006 00:26 (sixteen years ago) link

> Mike Jones, 49, told The Associated Press that Haggard paid him to have sex nearly every month for three years.

WHO?!!?!

It's the lazy and immoral way to become super hip. (Austin, Still), Friday, 3 November 2006 00:28 (sixteen years ago) link

(i'm very, very sorry)

It's the lazy and immoral way to become super hip. (Austin, Still), Friday, 3 November 2006 00:28 (sixteen years ago) link

MIKE JAWWONZ MIKE JAWWONZ

Shakey Mo Collier (Shakey Mo Collier), Friday, 3 November 2006 00:29 (sixteen years ago) link

where there's smoke there's fire = OTM

researching ur life (grady), Friday, 3 November 2006 00:32 (sixteen years ago) link

maybe. the story is a bit of headscratcher.

Shakey Mo Collier (Shakey Mo Collier), Friday, 3 November 2006 00:33 (sixteen years ago) link

At first I thought it was Merle Haggard.

Alfred, Lord Sotosyn (Alfred Soto), Friday, 3 November 2006 00:38 (sixteen years ago) link

(i'm very, very sorry)

No, no, that's the first thing I thought too.

hearditonthexico (rogermexico), Friday, 3 November 2006 00:42 (sixteen years ago) link

oh, dude will just pull a swaggart and all will be forgiven ... you watch!

http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/38691000/jpg/_38691859_swaggart238.jpg

Eisbär (llamasfur), Friday, 3 November 2006 03:01 (sixteen years ago) link

and if it was THAT mike jones, this would've been on all of his mixtapes -- since he loves the self-promotion shit.

Eisbär (llamasfur), Friday, 3 November 2006 03:03 (sixteen years ago) link

You only get forgiven for heterosexual extramarital sex.

xpost

researching ur life (grady), Friday, 3 November 2006 03:06 (sixteen years ago) link

Marriage adds the dirt and danger to clandestine sex.

You've Had Your Chances (noodle vague), Friday, 3 November 2006 03:19 (sixteen years ago) link

mmm... sweet, sweet, frisson...

hearditonthexico (rogermexico), Friday, 3 November 2006 03:55 (sixteen years ago) link

sometimes i think liberal fag hags are the only straight people left in america.

gypsy mothra (gypsy mothra), Friday, 3 November 2006 05:31 (sixteen years ago) link

is posting this article redundant?
http://www.harpers.org/SoldiersOfChrist.html

maura (maura), Friday, 3 November 2006 06:02 (sixteen years ago) link

"most comfortable in denim"

gypsy mothra (gypsy mothra), Friday, 3 November 2006 06:46 (sixteen years ago) link

sometimes i really love living in america.

gypsy mothra (gypsy mothra), Friday, 3 November 2006 06:51 (sixteen years ago) link

need a different host. that blogger pic didn't load.

kingfish prætor (kingfish 2.0), Friday, 3 November 2006 06:53 (sixteen years ago) link

I just saw this picture of him. Ken dolls have more life to them:

http://extras.mnginteractive.com/live/media/site36/2006/1102/20061102_032450_ol02haggard_300.jpg

Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 3 November 2006 06:55 (sixteen years ago) link

I mean, I have to assume he got his teeth capped for the Lord.

Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 3 November 2006 06:56 (sixteen years ago) link

who will play ted haggard in the todd haynes biopic?

gypsy mothra (gypsy mothra), Friday, 3 November 2006 06:58 (sixteen years ago) link

Dude could star in a remake of Polyester.

Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 3 November 2006 06:59 (sixteen years ago) link

"Is this something I can imagine of Ted Haggard? No," he said.

Like there's some way of telling if somebody is gay or not!

Andrew (enneff), Friday, 3 November 2006 07:36 (sixteen years ago) link

Church Leader Says Haggard Admits To Some Indiscretions

Dan I. (Dan I.), Friday, 3 November 2006 07:43 (sixteen years ago) link

that's really vague! which indiscretions?

researching ur life (grady), Friday, 3 November 2006 07:47 (sixteen years ago) link

he'll probably deny the drugs. you salvage what you can in these situations, i suppose.

gypsy mothra (gypsy mothra), Friday, 3 November 2006 07:49 (sixteen years ago) link

Another great photo!

http://media.graytvinc.com/images/haggard.jpg

Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 3 November 2006 13:53 (sixteen years ago) link

http://www.moviezilla.org/images/movies/tl9.jpg

put these on these on, they give you gaydar!

naaah

jhoshea megafauna (scoopsnoodle), Friday, 3 November 2006 14:35 (sixteen years ago) link

the recordings of him BUYING METH were given to the local news.

http://wonkette.com/politics/ted-haggard/ted-haggard-admits-something-212200.php

ken noizewater (Pareene), Friday, 3 November 2006 15:51 (sixteen years ago) link

And to make it weirder, the accuser failed a lie detector test this morning. But they suggested a retest. But Haggard already confessed something. But etc.

Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 3 November 2006 16:01 (sixteen years ago) link

the recordings of him BUYING METH

hahaha. Does he actually do the "yo man, what you got?"

ha ha to extended tongues, too:

http://www.evangelicalright.com/TedHaggard.jpg

kingfish prætor (kingfish 2.0), Friday, 3 November 2006 16:12 (sixteen years ago) link

The sentiment behind the (fabricated) quote in the title is more common in the gay "community" than you'd expect!

Casuistry (Chris P), Friday, 3 November 2006 16:12 (sixteen years ago) link

ffs, why do people even bother with polygraphs anymore? all they do is open up the same debate about the veracity of their results.

wicked xpost

elmo argonaut (allocryptic), Friday, 3 November 2006 16:29 (sixteen years ago) link

oh, dude will just pull a swaggart and all will be forgiven ... you watch!

i dunno man, jimmy had sex with a woman for pay. that's probably far more forgiveable to these homophobes.

hstencil (hstencil), Friday, 3 November 2006 16:56 (sixteen years ago) link

unfortunately, for certain select die-hard evangelicals, i think this is only going to cement the belief that no one, NO ONE!! is safe from the temptations of TEH GAY MENACE.

elmo argonaut (allocryptic), Friday, 3 November 2006 16:57 (sixteen years ago) link

Aaron Eckhart

Shakey Mo Collier (Shakey Mo Collier), Friday, 3 November 2006 16:57 (sixteen years ago) link

Never thought I'd see LaShawn Barber saying "Christians can be perverts, too!" Regrettably the intent is otherwise than gleeful.

Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 3 November 2006 17:01 (sixteen years ago) link

unfortunately, for certain select die-hard evangelicals, i think this is only going to cement the belief that no one, NO ONE!! is safe from the temptations of TEH GAY MENACE.

oh bring it on.

TEH GAY MENACE VS TEH FUNDIE MENACE. GAY MENACE WINS.

please.

gwynywdd dwnyt fyrwr byychydd gww (donut), Friday, 3 November 2006 17:05 (sixteen years ago) link

From the Harper's article: "He staked out gay bars, inviting men to come to his church" -- the jokes come so easily it's not sporting.

j.lu (j.lu), Friday, 3 November 2006 17:07 (sixteen years ago) link

unfortunately, for certain select die-hard evangelicals, i think this is only going to cement the belief that no one, NO ONE!! is safe from the temptations of TEH GAY MENACE.

hopefully for the slightly more reasonable it might lead to the revelation I KNOW AND LIKE LOTSA GAY WHO ARE PRETENDING TO NOT BE GAYS BECAUSE OF MY PREJUDICE!

these uber-homophobes' broken gaydar points to their comically villainous mental image of teh gays.

jhoshea megafauna (scoopsnoodle), Friday, 3 November 2006 17:09 (sixteen years ago) link

what kind of an acronym is NARTH

it means "EMOTIONAL"! (HI DERE), Tuesday, 11 May 2010 17:05 (twelve years ago) link

it's like a hair's-breadth away from being an annoying sidekick character on a kid's cartoon

it means "EMOTIONAL"! (HI DERE), Tuesday, 11 May 2010 17:06 (twelve years ago) link

Sounds like a name for an NPC orc.

Ned Raggett, Tuesday, 11 May 2010 17:06 (twelve years ago) link

Thrall, Garrosh, Narth... yeah, that could work.

it means "EMOTIONAL"! (HI DERE), Tuesday, 11 May 2010 17:07 (twelve years ago) link

Best campaign ever!

Ned Raggett, Tuesday, 11 May 2010 17:09 (twelve years ago) link

more slash fiction, I see.

OTM. Really hard to read. Congratulations on making it all about about you, dudes.

all yoga attacks are fire based (rogermexico.), Tuesday, 11 May 2010 17:15 (twelve years ago) link

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/e/e2/Marthshadowdragon.jpg

abanana, Tuesday, 11 May 2010 19:19 (twelve years ago) link

OTM. Really hard to read. Congratulations on making it all about about you, dudes.

― all yoga attacks are fire based (rogermexico.), Tuesday, May 11, 2010 1:15 PM

^

A. U. Khan (am0n), Tuesday, 11 May 2010 19:34 (twelve years ago) link

Yeah, I read about a paragraph and a half of that before cringing away.

it means "EMOTIONAL"! (HI DERE), Tuesday, 11 May 2010 19:36 (twelve years ago) link

The escort's tall, swarthy soon-to-be ex-boyfriend sits on the couch in front of the TV set. When he sees the reporters, he darts into a bedroom like a startled fish and doesn't reappear.

Or maybe "like a dude who doesn't want any part of Woodward and Bernstein here."

all yoga attacks are fire based (rogermexico.), Tuesday, 11 May 2010 19:54 (twelve years ago) link

"swarthy"

A. U. Khan (am0n), Tuesday, 11 May 2010 21:00 (twelve years ago) link

The two reporters look pretty smart and might have a splendid career in what's left of journalism as we know it (if they drop the Nora Ephron-Carl Bernstein act), but count me now in the sorry-I-asked category now that MNT has released this info.

cool and remote like dancing girls (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Tuesday, 11 May 2010 21:04 (twelve years ago) link

Rekers is doubling down:

'I am immediately resigning my membership in NARTH to allow myself the time necessary to fight the false media reports that have been made against me. With the assistance of a defamation attorney, I will fight these false reports because I have not engaged in any homosexual behavior whatsoever. I am not gay and never have been.'

Ned Raggett, Tuesday, 11 May 2010 22:14 (twelve years ago) link

Meanwhile, your NARTH dream team. Rekers still listed there.

Ned Raggett, Tuesday, 11 May 2010 22:16 (twelve years ago) link

eight months pass...

"You know, that's really the core issue here," he added. "I bought the drugs to enhance masturbation. Because what crystal meth does--Mike taught me this--crystal meth makes it so you don't ejaculate soon. So you can watch porn and masturbate for a long time."

http://tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com/2011/01/ted_haggard_im_probably_what_the_kids_call_bisexual.php?ref=fpb

polyphonic, Wednesday, 26 January 2011 22:31 (eleven years ago) link

man, antidepressants do that too, but I have never heard of anyone taking them recreationally.

Stop Non-Erotic Cabaret (Abbbottt), Wednesday, 26 January 2011 23:45 (eleven years ago) link

really? um yeah that happens

ex-heroin addict tricycle (Shakey Mo Collier), Wednesday, 26 January 2011 23:54 (eleven years ago) link

headline for the ages

goole, Wednesday, 26 January 2011 23:54 (eleven years ago) link

I think you can take it for granted that anything that requires a prescription has been taken recreationally by somebody

ex-heroin addict tricycle (Shakey Mo Collier), Wednesday, 26 January 2011 23:54 (eleven years ago) link

ppl have taken SSRIs for the Mystery of the Missing Ejaculation side effect? I guess...that...could happen.

Stop Non-Erotic Cabaret (Abbbottt), Wednesday, 26 January 2011 23:56 (eleven years ago) link

JINKIES

HOOS the master?? STEEN NUFF (BIG HOOS aka the steendriver), Thursday, 27 January 2011 00:08 (eleven years ago) link

well I dunno about that specific effect but yes I have been around people who did SSRIs for fun

ex-heroin addict tricycle (Shakey Mo Collier), Thursday, 27 January 2011 00:11 (eleven years ago) link

lol @ "Mystery of the Missing Ejaculation." pretty otm :/

are you there based god? it's me, markers (crüt), Thursday, 27 January 2011 00:14 (eleven years ago) link

I think you can take it for granted that anything that requires a prescription has been taken recreationally by somebody

i take recreational ventolin, i just love the lightness of lung it gives me

the tune is spacecadet (c sharp major), Thursday, 27 January 2011 00:28 (eleven years ago) link

hey for some people drug taking is an end in and of itself.

ex-heroin addict tricycle (Shakey Mo Collier), Thursday, 27 January 2011 00:31 (eleven years ago) link

News Flash! After being treated by his church the same way he gladly treated others while he was leading his church, Ted Haggard now professes: "I used to think the church was the light of the world. But I've completely lost my faith in it." There's nothing like being handed the dirty end of the stick to discover that it's dirty.

Aimless, Thursday, 27 January 2011 01:42 (eleven years ago) link

I forgot to include this amazing photo of Haggard and his family:

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_t6rV3U9ZEHM/TUg3aZ_BjbI/AAAAAAABAJo/4T3aPS9DmFU/s1600/TedHaggardFamily.jpg

polyphonic, Tuesday, 1 February 2011 18:33 (eleven years ago) link

Awwww!

Aimless, Tuesday, 1 February 2011 18:34 (eleven years ago) link

When Haggard resigned, Roose reports, he signed a separation agreement, drafted by a board of overseers appointed by the church, which "required him to cut off all contact with members of the church, stay away from the media, perform no ministry-related work, and move his family out of Colorado."

omar little, Tuesday, 1 February 2011 18:40 (eleven years ago) link

four months pass...
one month passes...

and here we go again (not evangelical afaik, just no-on-marriage)

http://tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com/2011/08/anti-gay_marriage_state_rep_accused_of_offering_young_male_money_for_sex.php

The young man told The Star that they met, but that he tried to leave after the man told him he was a state lawmaker. He said the lawmaker at first told him he could not leave, grabbed him in the rear, exposed himself to the young man and then later gave him an iPad, BlackBerry cellphone and $100 cash to keep quiet.

all yoga attacks are fire based (rogermexico.), Friday, 12 August 2011 17:17 (eleven years ago) link

wait, does he just keep iPads and Blackberrys in his car? not a bad haul

frogbs, Friday, 12 August 2011 17:24 (eleven years ago) link

one month passes...

Meantime, back to being Haggard:

http://gawker.com/5842492/ted-haggard-to-appear-on-celebrity-wife-swap

Ned Raggett, Wednesday, 21 September 2011 16:28 (eleven years ago) link

saw Jesus Camp yesterday. ted comes across as a total fake in it. the scene where he insults a kid to his face is unbelievable.

anorange (abanana), Wednesday, 21 September 2011 16:52 (eleven years ago) link

four months pass...

the quote marks in this thread title annoy me

max, Saturday, 18 February 2012 19:34 (ten years ago) link

he facricated the quote

the jazz zinger (s1ocki), Saturday, 18 February 2012 19:37 (ten years ago) link

Haha

Ned Raggett, Saturday, 18 February 2012 19:37 (ten years ago) link

live press conference

Matt Armstrong, Saturday, 18 February 2012 20:09 (ten years ago) link

Also: Conservative Houston talk show host causes hit and run outside gay bar after attending drag show, identified by witnesses and hit & run victim, police and DA do nothing: http://www.click2houston.com/news/Video-shows-talk-show-host-inside-gay-bar-on-night-of-hit-and-run/-/1735978/8796136/-/70wedp/-/

A Full Torgo Apparition (Phil D.), Saturday, 18 February 2012 22:17 (ten years ago) link

weird and troubling. assume that once this becomes a national story, they'll notice that, hey, turns out there were a few witnesses after all!

Little GTFO (contenderizer), Saturday, 18 February 2012 22:42 (ten years ago) link

STRONG AND CALIENTE

flesh, the devil, and a wolf (wolf) (amateurist), Saturday, 18 February 2012 23:41 (ten years ago) link

Buzzed Body

( -- ( .) - ( .) / (am0n), Saturday, 18 February 2012 23:52 (ten years ago) link

sweet tribal bro

lag∞n, Saturday, 18 February 2012 23:54 (ten years ago) link

one year passes...

Hey, ol' Ted just got one-upped, and in the same city even.

http://denver.cbslocal.com/2014/01/27/springs-pastor-arrested-for-kidnapping-robbery-impersonating-police/

Ned Raggett, Wednesday, 29 January 2014 03:55 (eight years ago) link

one year passes...

Can't believe we're only bumping this once a year. Seems like same old same old by now.

http://www.thegailygrind.com/2015/05/19/hypocrite-anti-gay-pastor-exposed-as-top-who-likes-to-cuddle-on-grindr/

resulting post (rogermexico.), Wednesday, 20 May 2015 01:42 (seven years ago) link


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