AGING PARENTS

^^^

had a positive moment of clarity today. dad fell again today, but not seriously. the frustration was more that it happened during one of my classes and I was freaked out cos he was not in a position I could quickly get him up.

but I didn't let it overwhelm me today, I quickly sent my class to break, got it covered, and managed to get him to a temporary sitting position and heaved him the fuck up.

i felt proud of myself that i'm able to actually serve this role because I don't think I could have done this pre-anxiety medication. yes...i have bad days. but i'm standing. and once upon a time, this would have driven me into committing myself. but it's not doing that.

im going to be ok.

also managed to return to class before break ended lol. my boss's boss suggested I take a few mins before jumping back in and took over temporarily.

he fell and hit his head today, little cut on his forehead. *sigh*. there goes my Saturday. hoping he is ok.

mom left him alone standing with his walker for 2 seconds, and inexplicably, he was on the floor way in front of his walker. no idea how that happened.

Dang sorry. You took him to Bond right? How'd he like that?

he had a great time. we all did! want to take him to Halloween Kills now.

getting ready to go to ER.

He's still there though mostly out of precaution. ER thinks his meds slowed his heart and made him dizzy and took him off said meds.

He is apparently going to a short term rehab facility. I feel guilty because I don't just find this good news because it's for the best for his health and mobility, but because (especially) Mom and I need a break. They can do the things we've had to for the last year temporarily.

Hoping I can visit him as I miss him already

Sometimes it's for the best for him and you and there is nothing wrong with feeling that.

thanks <3

going to see him after dinner later. going to tell him Marx Brothers jokes until he laughs and mom rolls her eyes and storms out

Wait was he admitted to the hospital? Medicare doesn’t pay for rehab unless there was a hospital admission for at least 3 nights?

Oh wait that is waived during COVID apparently

He was admitted yes. Tomorrow will be his third day.

They changed one of his medications as they think it was slowing his heart. I'll know more tomorrow... I'm gonna work out of his room

https://www.medicare.gov/care-compare/?providerType=NursingHome&redirect=true

^^^for finding a skilled rehab with decent quality ratings. The social worker/discharge planner may try to railroad you into a particular facility, but you have the right to choose.

thanks quincie. we took this under advisement, looks like they found ag ood facility for him. they just have to clear a UTI first to send him there.

I've worked out of the hospital and spent time with him this week, he's in good spirits. mom has been too, probably because the hospital is taking care of him and not her for once.

I got a massage last night. holy gooood did I need that.

*a good, not an odd facility, though my dad arguably does need to go to one of those too given his terrible jokes

inexplicably was given a 2k performance award at work today. it doesn't pay out until March (almost like a 'bonus'), and I have to stay employed through then to get it, but....very shocked (in a good way). which makes me feel bad for my recent grousing (which wasn't about my department as much as the company), honestly I am very grateful for it and this will shut me up for a long time no matter how shitty things get.

as I am spending a lot more living with my folks and taking care of dad and also I have a big tax bill coming up for a 401k withdrawal and this will help mitigate that a lot.

Thanks quincie, rat on neanderthal!

Well deserved I am sure Neander, glad you had a bright spot this week!

ok so UTI seems to be dealt with but haven't sent him to rehab center yet because they did a CT scan of his pelvis to see why he was retaining urine and found a huge mass of dookie up in there, he was apparenlty majorly constipated (which mom suspected for a while, but he would never be honest/couldn't tell us due to his condition).

they think this is why he's retaining urine AND why his heart rate is up, they've been enemaing him all day.

I guess this is the last step before he comes home. I didn't get to see him today as mom told me the smell would make me sick, so that was disappointing, but I'll see him tomorrow.

brother hasn't seen him once. he's busy, I know, but he also does this thing when he becomes afraid to visit dad in the hospital, so I'm gonna have to be a hardass on him soon if he can't make 20 minutes.

he's still...here. ugh. still retaining urine after enema, heart rate is still high, so they think his medication that helps lower his blood pressure/heart rate caused his fall, but without it, his heart rate goes up a lot.

it's not like he's in danger or anything but we keep spinning wheels, while meanwhile he has a room available at rehab center that I'm sure won't be held forever.

and then one of my friends last night lays on me a guilt trip that I should be doing more to help my mother escalate things with the doctor (i.e. why haven't we talked to the urologist yet, we always seem to miss them). that didn't help, because now I think I'm doing too little but I'm here this morning and have been calling the nurse and trying to do things so mom doesn't have to come in and can work. but I also was here a lot this week despite working full time (I spent 16 hours of my work week working from here, only went home when I had classes to teach, and the one day where mom said not to come as he was getting an enema).

oh and btw this is a Jesus hospital :/

being discharged as we speak! to go to his rehab facility. excellent!

mom and I have had a good system of being present, which has been needed because his doctors seem to be the lead character in Memento and continually ask questions they've asked 30 times already or forget he can't talk and act puzzled when he doesn't launch into a monologue on command.

managed to work out of his hospital room while my friend had a meltdown and called me in mid-panic attack at the same time.

that sounds extremely stressful Neanderthal but getting out of hospital sounds like a real positive step, happy for you!

major positive step. one step closer to getting him back home! and getting strength back.

glad to hear he's out of hospital, Neanderthal.

thanks tabes! I visited him yesterday in the rehab facility. it's a little....well...chaotic, but he was watching TV (as usual) and apparently walking fine. looking forward to him being home soon, though it has given us a bit of a break as well and let professionals take care of him to an extent that exceeds our capability for the time being. but his chair is lonely so I want to see him sitting in it soon. thinking a week or two and he'll be back.

Excellent.

Dad comes home Monday!

he's home!

only bad thing - they sent home someone else's meds with him (in addition to his own). that's...pretty startling.

who do I report that to?

(I mean, we're calling the facility to alert them so they can pick up the meds, but I'm worried that they might do this again and want this addressed beyond just telling them)

Director of Nursing at the facility

Thank you!

Done btw

Dad fell this morning. Home less than 24 hours.

He's ok but...ugh

The fall cycle really sucks. I’m sorry :(

on the plus side, we hadn't yet tried the gait belt, which should make a big diff (we hadn't been using one previously. the shit I don't know, loooord...)

how easy is it to get a doctor's prescription for a hospital bed?

I'm tempted to offer to give them my bed as it's lower.

The script is easy; it’s getting Medicate to pay for it that is virtually impossible unless he is bed bound, requires head elevated a minimum of 30 degrees, and has pressure sores.

*Medicare

Tho to be fair you live in the capital of Medicare fraud, so maybe your chances are better than average

lol. i think a better idea is for me to offer my bed to them, as it's lower. theirs is a bit high and it's on a box spring which isn't the type that they recommend removing. mine is much lower and it's a shorter walk to my bedroom.

mom is thinking about it. my bed's new and comfy and built for 2.

Do you have home PT/OT coming? This is the perfect sort of thing for them to advise on

both - in the past the OT talked about their concerns re: the bed height but their suggestio nwas "take out the box spring" which we can't cos it's not the wrong type of bed to do that. but we never gave the idea of switching beds.

waiting to hear from them when they're coming, one of them was supposed to be here today.

good idea for asking them!

another day, another fall. more like a slip this time, out of bed.

this is just ridiculous. I had to go to a follow-up appointment for my vaccine study, I was only gone 90 minutes. what, I can't even leave the house now without this happening?

mom doesn't seem to be able to keep him steady, and didn't use the gait belt this morning (why have it if we don't use it?).

he's complaining of dizziness. so when the therapist comes today we're going to have to talk to her and figure out what to do.

we can't live like this. and dad says his knee hurts now.

we're getting a new industrial wheelchair, I've suggested to mom using the old one we have in the house until then. she doesn't seem to want to as she thinks he'll get used to it and never walk again but honestly what's the alternative?

I feel for you, Neanderthal. I've seen your situation in my own family, where new problems emerge faster than you can address them, and the latest solutions that you so arduously put in place are outmoded almost as soon as you've: a) bought the equipment or b) changed the meds or c) hired the home aide or d)... whatever it was that was supposed to 'fix it'. You get on a treadmill of minor crises that seems to be accelerating. At some point you can strike the word 'minor'.

All I can say is you're being a fabulous caregiver and if there's any way you can shuffle some of your burden onto family, friends or neighbors, it's worth thinking about. You aren't superman and trying to be will eventually imperil your ability to do be of any help at all. Don't break yourself!

really I need my brother to step up and I've treated him with kid gloves on the subject and I have to be blunt. we've had a good relationship for years and I guess part of me is afraid of splintering that but he's basically living his life unimpeded while the rest of his family is making sacrifices. I don't believe everybody is inherently capable of this type of support but if dude gave up even like 10% of his social engagements it'd be a bigger help and he just won't. yeah, he's busy, but I had to turn things down outright.

*venting*. I've always been an introvert and I grew more extrovert tendencies after I got on Effexor, which made me a more social animal ,but that side of me is almost gone now. I'm too exhausted to deal with other people.

that's a really nice post Aimless and as it happens I totally agree with it. I really feel for your situation too Neanderthal. I love very far from my folks but this sort of thing is going to start happening soon and my sis does not have a great track record with helping out on this sort of thing. So I have some thinking to do.

Agree ty for that post Aimless

ty, but this isn't about me. I'm an orphan now.

Money does not solve all of the aging parents problems, but damn it sure helps with options. In the absence of anything resembling a care system i.e. the USofA

Like, my dad had 10 years of decline before dying from Alzheimer’s, but my family situation was completely different because $$$