AGING PARENTS

Sorry mooks

i emailed you but am bumping this thread again just to say how sorry i am that you and your mom are going through this. i woke up thinking about your mom.

I don’t even know what to say. I’m so sorry, mookie, and have been thinking about you and your mom <3

so sorry mookie<3

Wow so sorry to hear about this.

<3 you, mookie

Mookie I can't believe you had the wherewithal to post an anti-Blackhawks link for me since this happened. Take care of yourself and your family; my deepest sympathies.

Sorry to hear this, Mookie

I'm also lost for words. All my love though <3

So sorry to hear, mookie.

I'm really sorry you and your mom are going through this, mookie.

Awful stuff, mookie. I'm so sorry.

This is just awful. I’m so sorry for you and your mom, mookie.

Mookie, I have (almost) no words either, apart from condolences to you and your mother at what must be a very confusing and sad time.

thanks ilxors <3 <3 <3

thinking of you mookie
prob don’t need to say it but obv feel free to let off steam/stress here as the days go on
i know the post-death arrangements & stuff can be p stressful

jeez, sorry man

it probably doesn't mean much but s sorry for you and your mom - truly tragic. I can only second advice upthread to try to let off steam and get some fresh air out of the house, as much as the situation allows it.

yeah i really just want to stop thinking about it, but that doesn't seem to be an option

you're carrying about as heavy a load as anyone could stagger under right now. just know it's going to take you a long time to process all the thoughts and feelings from this. and you don't always have to be the 'strong one'.

geez no kidding -- and it really does help alleviate some of the persistent thoughts to talk about it.

^^

mookie, I'm still thinking of you and your mom. LL's thought is one of the things I was thrashing around trying to say - she has pinpointed the reason.

having been there, I can only say what I hope I or somebody said at the time: squint at how desperate he must have been to do that, whether it was a sudden impulse, reaction, decision, or however long he'd thought about it--how desperate, incl. knowing on some level how he would leave y'all to deal with the consequences---but now he's beyond his desperation and misery.

But if you're to some degree angry, I don't blame you at all.

ugh... so sorry mookie.

Just saw this, mook. How awful. I'm very sorry for you and your mom.

Same here, hang in there.

complications indeed

http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/postgazette/obituary.aspx?n=george-anthony-parker-tony&pid=187431859

<3

really lovely obit; I guy I would definitely kiw

lovely indeed, thanks for letting us read it.

<3

Saddest thread. Sorry Mookie.

Gotta vent.

So just went for a quick visit to my aging parents (met my mum in central London to help her with food shopping ahead of xmas) and more importantly to see my father, who I knew had been ill with what sounded like - in phone conversations - something viral (nausea, some vomitting), eating a bit but not much and living on water and tea. The doctors haven't been to ascertain exactly what it is (only a blood test so far) with a "there is nothing wrong" from it.

I knew he had lost about weight but I was mildly startled. I think its about 10 pounds off, legs are thinner. He can walk but may need a walking stick at this rate.

He is having an X-ray on Thursday and an endoscopy on the 5th Jan (that's three weeks away) then talking to a consultant who is going to take a view on it.

This all started after they came back from a summer in India so I wonder if he picked something up that will not shake off. If he is weaker and with this cold weather too...I have to say as I saw him later on the phone (with family who are calling even more to find out how he is) I just...pictured myself reading an eulogy at his funeral. Totally caught me.

I just hope it isn't the last xmas.

I HATE that this is three fucking weeks away I just want it done NOW. We were discussing a private option but he doesn't think its that far away blah. I dunno, hands are tied praying the bad thing doesn't happen otherwise its damage limitation in A&E. Fuck.

My mom has rallied a bit since my last bulletin to this thread. She'll certainly last through Christmas, and probably has months more to run if she doesn't get ill. But she's obviously done engaging with life in any meaningful way.

She doesn't recall anything other than the deep past and has no interest in that either. I visited her weekly up until mid November and she greatly enjoyed listening to me, but her participation was limited to a few words here and there. She no longer has an opinion on anything other than how pleasant it is to see her family. She's very tranquil and that's a good thing.

My mum was rushed to hospital on Saturday and had surgery yesterday: she'd been unwell for weeks and convinced herself she had stomach cancer. Actually just a blocked bowl (just!) and double hernia (just!).

Visited her yesterday and she's doing pretty well. Should come home today.

I had planned for a month for my mom to take the train today and come to my house for Xmas. Opportunity for her to see her granddaughter and meet for the first time her 3-months old grandson. But in classic depression/bipolar behavior, she bailed out two hours before the train departure (“what am I gonna do at your place?”). So gutted

Good thoughts going yr way, xyzzzz - horrible to have that consultation hanging over Christmas.

Thanks Ward.

best wishes for yr mum Scik <3

Solidarity with Scik and everyone who's in this thread.

Obit lovely. Would have loved to have talked science with him.

On Friday, in –10F weather, my mom called me to say that my dad had a stroke, but she'd decided to let him sleep and instead of calling an ambulance. My wife and I drove an hour in our subcompact auto at the height of the blizzard, w/ 50 mph winds to find: there had been no stroke. Dad had a virus. Mom was deep in denial about dad's still-undiagnosed Parkinsonianism, and claimed the symptoms (inability to dress himself, trouble eating, impaired walking, etc.) were recent and resulted from a stroke, and had appeared only in the last two days only. But... they're years old. FWIW, Dad also denies the symptoms. He's fine. However, dad's capable of covering up his infirmities (so he thinks) and my mom won't challenge him because she doesn't want to have to deal w/ him. Meanwhile, I learned my mom did *not* try to help my dad when he fell on the ground a few days ago (and she is physically a LOT more capable than him), and only helped him get dressed when he begged for it. I... don't know what to do about them.

I'm not ready to say goodbye to my parents, but I think that even if they stick around bodily my time with their minds is ... dwindling.

i'm very sorry to hear all that. wishing you strength.

<3

argh

we officially have "caregiver fatigue" :(

father-in-law's condition is deteriorating, we started having home care people come a few times a week for various things but I'm not sure how long we can keep him living with us at this rate. he got nauseous last night and my wife had left her phone downstairs, he called her sixteen times rather than make any noise or knock on a door. he tells different providers different things, fired one nurse without telling us, and is disturbingly focused on his new tiny diminishing 1-time scrip of oxy.

oh dear
sympathies to everyone

I'm so sorry everyone. This is so tough - all of it.

I spent the holidays with my dad, the first after my mom's death. They were OK and better than I feared overall but still hard. I'm still processing her passing and am both angry and sad now for a lot of different reasons too complicated to go into though I've spoken about them here and elsewhere on ILX before. Weird things happen and sometimes it just hits me like the other day when I was driving and for some reason I remembered the way her body looked when we went back to the hospice after getting the call that she died and I just started sobbing.

My dad seems to be doing OK which is nice but I do worry about his health deteriorating and him being alone.

R - that sounds really really tough and I'm sorry you're going through it. I don't have any advice to give as I also struggled with not entirely dissimilar situations and after a while just stopped trying to intervene because I realized that in my parents case they were going to do what they wanted regardless.