Jake Gyllenhaal - C or D?

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This hasn't been done, and I wanted a thread to compete with Ennis Del Mar's.

More than repulsed by the Donnie Darko love a lot of my homies professed in 2001, I studiously avoided him. He was ok in Lovely & Amazing (the last time he'd be sexy again until Brokeback), forgettable in The Good Girl, and tried very hard in The Day After Tomorrow. Never saw Jarhead

Nothing in those pictures suggested that he was anything more than a Tobey Maguire manque (and, to rewrite Oscar Wilde, so is Tobey Maguire) with some erotic frisson; but he's a revelation in Brokeback, a statement for which I've gotten a lot of ridicule over the holidays. Ledger is fantastic, but if his lover can't project thwarted homosexual lust than the movie's a failure. His performance is impressively physical; he finally learns how to use those killer blue eyes in character. When called upon to demonstrate Great Oscar-Worthy Thespian Chops in his stentorian kiss-off to Ledger, he more than holds his own.

Still, I probably remember his performance more for the audience gratification: we've wanted to see Jake in a movie worthy of his looks, and he plays to every seat in the house. My Favorite Brokeback Moment: how his Jack Twist, during the reunion scene, pulls away from Ennis as he's being mauled with kisses, looking at his old lover with a mixture of shock, relief ("Is this really happening?" he seems to be thinking), and euphoria.

Alfred, Lord Sotosyn (Alfred Soto), Tuesday, 3 January 2006 20:37 (fifteen years ago) link

He's very funny in Bubble Boy. I agree with all the Brokeback stuff except the last scene, which shows petulance instead of a 39-year-old's fury.

(Oh wait, he's queer, AND a bottom...)

Dr Morbius (Dr Morbius), Tuesday, 3 January 2006 20:44 (fifteen years ago) link

He's like a muppet version of a film star.

Lars and Jagger (Ex Leon), Tuesday, 3 January 2006 20:48 (fifteen years ago) link

I get the feeling that he worries a lot. He always looks pensive in films, it's his only look.

jel -- (jel), Tuesday, 3 January 2006 20:51 (fifteen years ago) link

xpost

Big beautiful eyes aside, how so?

Dr Morbius (Dr Morbius), Tuesday, 3 January 2006 20:52 (fifteen years ago) link

He just has a muppet face -- his acting is okay.

Lars and Jagger (Ex Leon), Tuesday, 3 January 2006 21:18 (fifteen years ago) link

I've never found any Muppets Jake-hot. Not even Dr Bunsen Honeydew.

Dr Morbius (Dr Morbius), Tuesday, 3 January 2006 21:21 (fifteen years ago) link

i wonder if this thread will end is tears as big as the one for his sister

cancer prone fat guy (dubplatestyle), Tuesday, 3 January 2006 21:22 (fifteen years ago) link

i like the two "a"s in his last name. makes me think of the netherlands.

Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Tuesday, 3 January 2006 21:25 (fifteen years ago) link

Pleasant memories?

jaymc (jaymc), Tuesday, 3 January 2006 21:46 (fifteen years ago) link

Anyone else seen Bubble Boy? Wasn't he in that Gwyneth movie a few months ago?

Alfred, Lord Sotosyn (Alfred Soto), Tuesday, 3 January 2006 22:02 (fifteen years ago) link

Proof yeah. And that rocket-boy '50s thing was his first lead, yes?

Dr Morbius (Dr Morbius), Tuesday, 3 January 2006 22:05 (fifteen years ago) link

October Sky!

Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Tuesday, 3 January 2006 22:07 (fifteen years ago) link

I had no idea they made a movie of Proof. Gross.

elmo, patron saint of nausea (allocryptic), Tuesday, 3 January 2006 22:23 (fifteen years ago) link

i've specifically avoided Brokeback because I found him so so repugnant in the Good Girl

emilys. (emilys.), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 05:03 (fifteen years ago) link

He's like a muppet version of a film star.

-- Lars and Jagger (nicole.kessle...), January 3rd, 2006 3:48 PM. (Ex Leon)

rofl

HAKKEBOFFER (eman), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 05:40 (fifteen years ago) link

I found him effectively repugnant in The Good Girl, which was not pompous enough to be creamed over by the critical community.

Dr Morbius (Dr Morbius), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 14:16 (fifteen years ago) link

So how WAS Bubble Boy?

Alfred, Lord Sotosyn (Alfred Soto), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 14:18 (fifteen years ago) link

if ever a thread needed pics it's this one

http://actors.pick2web.com/pics/1222725/jakegyllenhaal.jpg

jed_ (jed), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 15:07 (fifteen years ago) link

Christ on a crutch...

Alfred, Lord Sotosyn (Alfred Soto), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 15:11 (fifteen years ago) link

He looks very squashed there.

Sick Mouthy (Nick Southall), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 15:17 (fifteen years ago) link

http://www.jake-gyllenhaal-france.net/arena02.jpg

jed_ (jed), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 15:19 (fifteen years ago) link

I'm tempted to say I will refund the rental fee for Bubble Boy who doesn't think the patriotic jackoff scene with Swoosie Kurtz ALONE isn't worth it. But I won't. About half of it works, but I like its freakiness slapstick more than most of what the Farrellys have done.

Dr Morbius (Dr Morbius), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 15:35 (fifteen years ago) link

I saw him walking his dog in soho last year. We smiled at him before realizing who he was, just thinking he was some hot guy walking his dog.

ShawShank Rambo Connection (Carey), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 15:43 (fifteen years ago) link

those calvin klein undies are obviously straining to hold back the untamed 70s style kudzu of Jake's pubic bush.

elmo, patron saint of nausea (allocryptic), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 15:45 (fifteen years ago) link

best thread ever.

Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 15:46 (fifteen years ago) link

TOO EARLY for getting me this riled up...

Dr Morbius (Dr Morbius), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 15:52 (fifteen years ago) link

haha finally we have achieved parity with the gross perving threads on ile

cancer prone fat guy (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 15:54 (fifteen years ago) link

i love that picutre, cause its all rough tradey, and i imagine him topping me, his hard long cock thrusting into the soft folds of my ass...

but i also imagine him strong, and quiet absorbing me in his arms, as i weep about the state of the world.

he is the only man i imagine topping me...i saw him once in TO last year, and he was as handsome, old fashioned in his taciturn tendencies, i didnt know how to say TAKE ME NOW, so i didnt

anthony easton (anthony), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 15:58 (fifteen years ago) link

That last picture was taken....when?

Anthony, you might have to fight me for'em.

Alfred, Lord Sotosyn (Alfred Soto), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 15:59 (fifteen years ago) link

Alfred

There are always threesomes, triads, circle jerks, orgies, and any number of other higher mathametics

anthony easton (anthony), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:00 (fifteen years ago) link

wait a second, jess, this is really not even close to "parity," you understand.

Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:02 (fifteen years ago) link

I'll beat you all. And then drag Jake by the forelock, caveman style, back to my lakeside cavern for an extended stay.

elmo, patron saint of nausea (allocryptic), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:03 (fifteen years ago) link

i love that picutre, cause its all rough tradey, and i imagine him topping me, his hard long cock thrusting into the soft folds of my ass...

but i also imagine him strong, and quiet absorbing me in his arms, as i weep about the state of the world.

this makes up for all the mimsy indie-boy threads about his sister in the world, ally.

cancer prone fat guy (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:04 (fifteen years ago) link

you said what you said before anthony said what he said, also anthony would need to start 17 other threads about anonymous kind of ok looking indie stars and say the same thing for parity to truly be achieved. we can do this, and I have no objections to it, but it hasn't been done. YET.

Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:05 (fifteen years ago) link

fine, the next time someone starts a thread about star jones, i'll be sure to talk about the soft, billowy folds of my ass.

cancer prone fat guy (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:06 (fifteen years ago) link

listen, I'm not defending that post. I mean it's a little TMI for my tastes. Also, Star Jones?

Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:07 (fifteen years ago) link

i like a woman who takes charge.

cancer prone fat guy (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:08 (fifteen years ago) link

intriguing.
http://www.jakegyllenhaal.com/images/JakeGyllenhaal_speech.jpg

xpost ...

Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:09 (fifteen years ago) link

http://www.thesuperficial.com/images/2006/01/star-jones-beach.jpg

mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:10 (fifteen years ago) link

Only 17?

Lars and Jagger (Ex Leon), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:12 (fifteen years ago) link

I think I should start working on this parity goal!

Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:13 (fifteen years ago) link

But where to start? And where are the female equivalents of oops and kingfish?

Lars and Jagger (Ex Leon), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:14 (fifteen years ago) link

We're almost there.

Alfred, Lord Sotosyn (Alfred Soto), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:15 (fifteen years ago) link

"Gun's going OFF!"

Alfred, Lord Sotosyn (Alfred Soto), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:15 (fifteen years ago) link

He looks like Stallone or Travolta in that shirtless photo.

Je4nn3 ƒur¥ (Je4nne Fury), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:18 (fifteen years ago) link

I bet he has a hairy asscrack.

elmo, patron saint of nausea (allocryptic), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:19 (fifteen years ago) link

Did anyone see him on Conan recently, talking about his lifeguard duty where he pissed on a jellyfish-bite victim's leg as therapy? He mimed it, firehose-style, and O'Brien nearly flew out of his chair. "There are old people watching!"

He'd still have to explain the "These characters are not, like, gay" interview, and I might hafta slap him. Repeatedly.

Dr Morbius (Dr Morbius), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:21 (fifteen years ago) link

Seurat does get down on all fours and bark at one point, though.

Supercreditor (Dr Morbius), Friday, 28 April 2017 19:05 (four years ago) link

six months pass...

he's kinda terrible in Okja, in a prom king tries to be class clown way

http://static.celebuzz.com/uploads/2016/07/gyllenhaal-okja-july18-01-lead-620x413.jpg

ice cream social justice (Dr Morbius), Monday, 6 November 2017 15:38 (three years ago) link

is he worse than in Nocturnal Animals?

(I have the screener sitting on my table and can't muster the enthusiasm, not with The Square also beckoning)

morning wood truancy (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Monday, 6 November 2017 15:40 (three years ago) link

I wouldn't get too excited abt The Square

Ward Fowler, Monday, 6 November 2017 15:45 (three years ago) link

at 142 minutes it's hard

morning wood truancy (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Monday, 6 November 2017 15:46 (three years ago) link

I haven't seen Nocturnal Animals, cuz i read the reviews, and refuse to watch any more of the fashion-designer's oeuvre.

Okja is worth seeing though, I never thought there'd be a film where a 'dual Tilda Swinton performance' would please and not terrify me.

also here's a pillow design for Alfred:

http://www.media4.hw-static.com/media/2016/07/wenn_okja_071816_1800x1200_01.jpg

ice cream social justice (Dr Morbius), Monday, 6 November 2017 15:54 (three years ago) link

I need to check out Okja if for no other reason than several of the cast were staying at the same hotel I was in for a conference while they were filming in Seoul, and I was unintentionally a dick to Paul Dano.

El Tomboto, Monday, 6 November 2017 17:01 (three years ago) link

this was one of the first Dano performances I enjoyed

ice cream social justice (Dr Morbius), Monday, 6 November 2017 17:09 (three years ago) link

gyllenhall is hilarious in okja

ToddBonzalez (BradNelson), Monday, 6 November 2017 17:19 (three years ago) link

oh Brad, what're gonna do with you? :)

ice cream social justice (Dr Morbius), Monday, 6 November 2017 17:26 (three years ago) link

at 142 minutes it's hard

― morning wood truancy (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Monday, November 6, 2017 10:46 AM (one hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

that's a long wait

phenibut rock (rip van wanko), Monday, 6 November 2017 17:37 (three years ago) link

Jake will do that.

morning wood truancy (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Monday, 6 November 2017 17:41 (three years ago) link

i'll agree with you on dano morbs. he also had to deliver the clunkiest dialogue in the movie

ToddBonzalez (BradNelson), Monday, 6 November 2017 17:43 (three years ago) link

I liked The Square even though it seriously loses steam after the 100-minute mark or so

Simon H., Monday, 6 November 2017 17:43 (three years ago) link

I think Matt Seitz got it right in his otherwise-rave of Okja:

"Jake Gyllenhaal's performance as a hypocritical nature TV celeb is the only flat-out casting disaster. Jim Carrey-style clowning is not, to put it mildly, this actor's most comfortable mode, and his fidgety, braying, often mincing performance is so misjudged that it destroys scenes that should have been unsettling or touching."

ice cream social justice (Dr Morbius), Monday, 6 November 2017 21:17 (three years ago) link

morbs otm here, jake's terrible in this

Week of Wonders (Ross), Tuesday, 7 November 2017 02:32 (three years ago) link

thread derail re: The Square and other things - is anyone else getting tired of people saying how amazing Elizabeth Moss is in everything all the time. I mean, she's pretty good. She's always exactly the same.

Susan Stranglehands (jed_), Tuesday, 7 November 2017 02:38 (three years ago) link

She's good, solid. I don't care if actors fail to show or won't show range.

morning wood truancy (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Tuesday, 7 November 2017 02:49 (three years ago) link

Has she ever played anything with energy? She always comes across as flat (even in Mad Men).

rb (soda), Tuesday, 7 November 2017 03:12 (three years ago) link

lol I was thinking of Elizabeth Olsen

morning wood truancy (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Tuesday, 7 November 2017 03:13 (three years ago) link

yeah she's always lethargic. I think she can centre things, she's got something, but people are always banging on about her.

Susan Stranglehands (jed_), Tuesday, 7 November 2017 03:16 (three years ago) link

i don't need to see range either.

but this thread is about jake. got any cute new paparazzi pics, alf? :)

Susan Stranglehands (jed_), Tuesday, 7 November 2017 03:18 (three years ago) link

one month passes...

That's one way of looking at his filmography...

iCloudius (cryptosicko), Wednesday, 13 December 2017 22:48 (three years ago) link

nine months pass...

He does career-best work in Wildlife, the sometimes heavy-handed but solid directorial debut of Paul Dano. Carey Mulligan, whom I've never quite believed in any of her pictures, is his match.

You like queer? I like queer. Still like queer. (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Saturday, 6 October 2018 15:56 (two years ago) link

Ooft, strong endorsement given his previous work. Look forward to it.

Ctrl+Alt+Del in Poughkeepsie (fionnland), Saturday, 6 October 2018 17:06 (two years ago) link

Refuse to believe that Carey M is good in this.

FRE SHA VAC ADO (jed_), Saturday, 6 October 2018 17:17 (two years ago) link

I didn't either, believe me. She nails the insouciance and the bitterness without getting soggy about it.

You like queer? I like queer. Still like queer. (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Saturday, 6 October 2018 18:49 (two years ago) link

one month passes...

i will 100% watch this.

Jake Gyllenhaal & Rene Russo reunite with "Nightcrawler" director/screenwriter Dan Gilroy for "Velvet Buzzsaw" — a thriller set in LA's contemporary art world scene co-starring Toni Collette, Zawe Ashton, Tom Sturridge, and Natalia Dyer — FIRST PHOTO: pic.twitter.com/WJZYj5w3fM

— See What's Next (@seewhatsnext) November 28, 2018

𝔠𝔞𝔢𝔨 (caek), Thursday, 29 November 2018 05:20 (two years ago) link

will he be nude in it

I like queer. You like queer, senator? (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Thursday, 29 November 2018 11:56 (two years ago) link

good morning!

brokenshire (jed_), Thursday, 29 November 2018 12:01 (two years ago) link

I am glad I already told my jake g walking a dog, wearing a popped collar pink polo and barking at another dog story here.

Yerac, Thursday, 29 November 2018 12:30 (two years ago) link

Andy Garcia's ass crack. Too early in the morning.

Yerac, Thursday, 29 November 2018 12:33 (two years ago) link

one month passes...

He's Mysterio in the new Spider Man farrago. Will he be nude in it?

Your sweetie-pie-coo-coo I love ya (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Tuesday, 15 January 2019 20:39 (two years ago) link

lol

Acting Crazy (Instrumental) (jed_), Tuesday, 15 January 2019 20:41 (two years ago) link

Does he give anyone else crispin glover vibes these days? Felt it for sure in wildlife

Pierrot with a thousand farces (wins), Tuesday, 15 January 2019 20:42 (two years ago) link

he plays a fastidious oddball english detective in a so so western i watched last night, and yeah I can see a bit of that comparison.

calzino, Tuesday, 15 January 2019 20:59 (two years ago) link

Is that Sisters Brothers or is he in another western I don't know about?

Velvet Buzzsaw looks like it could be anywhere from great fun to total garbage but there is some A+ Gyllenhaal freaking the fuck out in the trailer

You guys are caterpillar (Telephone thing), Tuesday, 15 January 2019 22:59 (two years ago) link

Also his character in Okja.

Yerac, Tuesday, 15 January 2019 23:00 (two years ago) link

xp

yeah that's the one.

calzino, Tuesday, 15 January 2019 23:01 (two years ago) link

oh also: that Velvet Buzzsaw trailer seems like it spoils *EVERYTHING*. Like, major characters' deaths, at the very least

You guys are caterpillar (Telephone thing), Tuesday, 15 January 2019 23:05 (two years ago) link

five months pass...

'SPIDER-MAN: FAR FROM HOME' Star TOM HOLLAND Couldn't Walk After JAKE GYLLENHAAL Workout! https://t.co/JW4ufH6Zw8 pic.twitter.com/JBC8G50lpD

— ComicBook NOW! (@ComicBookNOW) June 25, 2019

𝔠𝔞𝔢𝔨 (caek), Wednesday, 26 June 2019 02:37 (two years ago) link

I need a Jake workout :(

recriminations from the nitpicking woke (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Wednesday, 26 June 2019 02:45 (two years ago) link

four months pass...

fuck sake.

Heavy Messages (jed_), Friday, 15 November 2019 22:54 (one year ago) link

i would c with his d in me amirite fellas?

cheese canopy (map), Friday, 15 November 2019 23:00 (one year ago) link

i'm pretty sure i saw him once in a chinatown bar in 2008

cheese canopy (map), Friday, 15 November 2019 23:03 (one year ago) link

my answer to this thread question is that he is both c (classic) and d (dreamy)

cheese canopy (map), Friday, 15 November 2019 23:05 (one year ago) link

one year passes...

He's extremely good in The Sisters Brothers (the film is decent) and seeing Jake and Riz Ahmed onscreen at the same time had a significant effect on me.

Cocteau Twinks (jed_), Friday, 9 April 2021 17:58 (three months ago) link

three months pass...

JAKE CAN I JAB YOU TWICE

So who you gonna call? The martini police (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Thursday, 22 July 2021 14:21 (one week ago) link


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