Banal phrases that pepper everyday office conversation

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"We can put a man on the moon, but we can't make a good cup of coffee, AM I RIGHT"

― Gear! (can Jung shill it, Mu?) (Gear!), Tuesday, 7 June 2005 23:44 (eighteen years ago) link

"Peace, brother!"

― Gear! (can Jung shill it, Mu?) (Gear!), Tuesday, 7 June 2005 23:47 (eighteen years ago) link

"Don't go there!"

― Gear! (can Jung shill it, Mu?) (Gear!), Tuesday, 7 June 2005 23:47 (eighteen years ago) link

"sounds great"

― rett bratner (deangulberry), Tuesday, 7 June 2005 23:52 (eighteen years ago) link

"Right on!"

― Gear! (can Jung shill it, Mu?) (Gear!), Tuesday, 7 June 2005 23:57 (eighteen years ago) link

"as it were"

― Remy (x Jeremy), Tuesday, 7 June 2005 23:58 (eighteen years ago) link

"if you will"

― Remy (x Jeremy), Tuesday, 7 June 2005 23:58 (eighteen years ago) link

"not that anyone's asking"

― Remy (x Jeremy), Tuesday, 7 June 2005 23:58 (eighteen years ago) link

"irregardless of the time involved"

― box welder, Tuesday, 7 June 2005 23:59 (eighteen years ago) link

"leave it with me"

― mullygrubbr (bulbs), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 00:01 (eighteen years ago) link

"i'll get back to you"

― mullygrubbr (bulbs), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 00:05 (eighteen years ago) link

"this looks like something i need to be driving. fuck off all of you who have put in any work or thought so far you won't get any credit"

― mullygrubbr (bulbs), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 00:07 (eighteen years ago) link

'my feeling is we'll probably need another week to unpack all the political issues'

― gem (trisk), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 00:08 (eighteen years ago) link

"i'm developing a scope note"

― mullygrubbr (bulbs), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 00:08 (eighteen years ago) link

"i have a meeting - so at least i can get some sleep!"

― mullygrubbr (bulbs), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 00:08 (eighteen years ago) link

"there will be cake"

― mullygrubbr (bulbs), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 00:09 (eighteen years ago) link

"Go away Graham you harbinger of doom. No really, bugger off you're like the Grim Reaper!"

― dog latin (dog latin), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 00:09 (eighteen years ago) link

"how come people who work in IT have no idea what information is?"

― mullygrubbr (bulbs), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 00:10 (eighteen years ago) link

'the timeframe is really just unworkable'

― gem (trisk), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 00:10 (eighteen years ago) link

"its political"

― mullygrubbr (bulbs), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 00:11 (eighteen years ago) link

"useless fucking programmers"

― shine headlights on me (electricsound), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 00:11 (eighteen years ago) link

"just wanted to touch base"

― J.D. (Justyn Dillingham), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 00:11 (eighteen years ago) link

Two area supervisors are busily correcting each other for the correct pronunciation of "Fer Shizzle"

― kingfish maximum overdrunk (Kingfish), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 00:11 (eighteen years ago) link

'it's really about using strategies to achieve outcomes'

― gem (trisk), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 00:12 (eighteen years ago) link

'i'm alright for a wednesday'

― gem (trisk), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 00:12 (eighteen years ago) link

"its not my responsibility"

― mullygrubbr (bulbs), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 00:13 (eighteen years ago) link

"i'm all over it"

― shine headlights on me (electricsound), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 00:14 (eighteen years ago) link

"i hate my life"

― shine headlights on me (electricsound), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 00:14 (eighteen years ago) link

*joyless chuckle*

― shine headlights on me (electricsound), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 00:14 (eighteen years ago) link

"she's a bitch"

― mullygrubbr (bulbs), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 00:15 (eighteen years ago) link

'the lift's broken. as usual.'

― gem (trisk), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 00:15 (eighteen years ago) link

"no, i'm not really thinking of leaving"

― mullygrubbr (bulbs), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 00:15 (eighteen years ago) link

'are they keeping you on your toes?'

― gem (trisk), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 00:17 (eighteen years ago) link

"keepin' busy"

― shine headlights on me (electricsound), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 00:17 (eighteen years ago) link

"i'm useless before my coffee"

― shine headlights on me (electricsound), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 00:18 (eighteen years ago) link

"tell me about it"

― oops (Oops), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 00:18 (eighteen years ago) link

"we need to regroup"

― Gear! (can Jung shill it, Mu?) (Gear!), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 00:18 (eighteen years ago) link

"on your plate"
"on the back burner"
"table the discussion" (meaning begin talking about something now)
"table the discussion" (meaning defer talking about something until later)

― wetmink (wetmink), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 00:18 (eighteen years ago) link

"we need to expedite this process"

― Gear! (can Jung shill it, Mu?) (Gear!), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 00:19 (eighteen years ago) link

"you don't have to be crazy to work here, but it sure helps!!"

― J.D. (Justyn Dillingham), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 00:19 (eighteen years ago) link

'that's a topic we can use to facilitate debate'

― gem (trisk), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 00:20 (eighteen years ago) link

"can i ask you a question?"

― shine headlights on me (electricsound), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 00:20 (eighteen years ago) link

'so.... on your way home are you?'

― gem (trisk), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 00:20 (eighteen years ago) link

"so nice of you to join us"

― shine headlights on me (electricsound), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 00:21 (eighteen years ago) link

"i'm headin' out...you gonna be here for awhile?"

― Gear! (can Jung shill it, Mu?) (Gear!), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 00:22 (eighteen years ago) link

'another day another dollar'

― gem (trisk), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 00:22 (eighteen years ago) link

"did you see 'desperate housewives' last night?"

― Gear! (can Jung shill it, Mu?) (Gear!), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 00:22 (eighteen years ago) link

"you're still here?"
"can you do me a favor?"

― wetmink (wetmink), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 00:23 (eighteen years ago) link

"the traffic this morning was awful"

― Gear! (can Jung shill it, Mu?) (Gear!), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 00:23 (eighteen years ago) link

'that's fallen off the agenda'

― gem (trisk), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 00:23 (eighteen years ago) link

Skipping 76 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

All the time if Ive lost my place looking at a document I'll mutter "where am I?" and some wiseass usually says "in your chair, at your desk! HAR HAR!"

― Trayce (trayce), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 11:44 (eighteen years ago) link

Let's head out to "conference room B" for some refreshments, har har.
.. followed by..
"I can't make it, my kid's got a soccer game."

― geyser muffler and a quarter (Dave225), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 11:47 (eighteen years ago) link

Anna: YESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYES!

― Mädchen (Madchen), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 11:52 (eighteen years ago) link

"It's hotter than normal for this time of year"
"You look dressed for summer"

(DUDE: It's fucking summer, no shit.)

― The Sensational Sulk (sexyDancer), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 17:57 (eighteen years ago) link

I've never heard anyone use irregardless before and I'd have to slap the dicks out of their mouths if they used it in front of me.

An old boss used to use this and I WANTED. TO. MURDER. HIM.

More office-ese:

"If I can just get you to shift gears..."

"Would it not occur to you to...?"

― Tantrum The Cat (Tantrum The Cat), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 18:43 (eighteen years ago) link

http://www.jwz.org/images/capt.sge.tys49.180305001517.photo00.photo.default-260x380.jpg

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 19:05 (eighteen years ago) link

"Actually,"

", actually,"

", actually."

All in the same sentence.

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 22:40 (eighteen years ago) link

"How hard is it to .. [x]?"

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 22:41 (eighteen years ago) link

"There's a disconnect."

― mcd (mcd), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 22:43 (eighteen years ago) link

the ABSOLUTE WORST is substituting "do you want to" for "would you please."

i am your subordinate. it's ok. just tell me, and i will, it's my job. do not ask me if i want to do it. i don't.

― g e o f f (gcannon), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 23:06 (eighteen years ago) link

I think I'd rather bad phrases than the bad FART my work colleage/manager just casually dropped sitting 5 feet away from me. FOR THE LOVE OF... argh. WHO DOES THIS?

― Trayce (trayce), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 23:09 (eighteen years ago) link

"did you hear xxxx got sacked?"

― mullygrubbr (bulbs), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 23:12 (eighteen years ago) link

"So how are things over there in [department]?"

― wetmink (wetmink), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 23:15 (eighteen years ago) link

"Lillian's gonna have a stroke when she sees this pile of papers."

― Hurting (Hurting), Thursday, 9 June 2005 01:22 (eighteen years ago) link

"So what you want to do with the kitten brains is to puree them until really quite smooth and then leave the bowl in the fridge to set overnight. Don't forget to rinse up because the cleaning contract doesn't cover the kitchen area. Got all that?"

― Kim (Kim), Thursday, 9 June 2005 02:19 (eighteen years ago) link

"blah blah its cold/rainy/hot/wet/dry/something weather related today, huh?

― latebloomer: Pain Don't Hurt (latebloomer), Thursday, 9 June 2005 02:42 (eighteen years ago) link

"actionable item".

― Casuistry (Chris P), Thursday, 9 June 2005 02:58 (eighteen years ago) link

"I'm going to put my dick through the center of a pizza."

― slightly more subdued (kenan), Thursday, 9 June 2005 03:00 (eighteen years ago) link

"it is what it is"

― tokyo nursery school: afternoon session (rosemary), Thursday, 9 June 2005 03:09 (eighteen years ago) link

"good girl!"

what am I, a puppy?

― tokyo nursery school: afternoon session (rosemary), Thursday, 9 June 2005 03:10 (eighteen years ago) link

I just walked past someoens office and heard "....two big, strong women, beating you up".

I hurried away quickly.

― Trayce (trayce), Thursday, 9 June 2005 03:31 (eighteen years ago) link

Locking dogs.

― Clipped to the Clip, Thursday, 9 June 2005 12:44 (eighteen years ago) link

Anyone seen the big stapler?

― beanz (beanz), Thursday, 9 June 2005 12:49 (eighteen years ago) link

Did you get that email I sent you? [continues by telling me contents of email I have received but haven't finished replying to]

― beanz (beanz), Thursday, 9 June 2005 12:51 (eighteen years ago) link

who flogged my phone directory?

― gem (trisk), Thursday, 9 June 2005 12:51 (eighteen years ago) link

I'm waiting to hear back from someone about that.

― David R. (popshots75`), Thursday, 9 June 2005 12:55 (eighteen years ago) link

Have you tried calling them?

― David R. (popshots75`), Thursday, 9 June 2005 12:55 (eighteen years ago) link

Have you tried stopping by their cube?

― David R. (popshots75`), Thursday, 9 June 2005 12:55 (eighteen years ago) link

Why are we doing this?

― David R. (popshots75`), Thursday, 9 June 2005 12:56 (eighteen years ago) link

Locked dogs always come together when you call them.

― Clipped to the Clip, Thursday, 9 June 2005 12:56 (eighteen years ago) link

no, not for me, he's Mark's client

― Markelby (Mark C), Thursday, 9 June 2005 12:58 (eighteen years ago) link

Another day, another dollar

I wonder if Laotian sweatshop employees say this with joyful happiness in their eyes?

― Markelby (Mark C), Thursday, 9 June 2005 12:59 (eighteen years ago) link

I can smell garlic

― beanz (beanz), Thursday, 9 June 2005 14:37 (eighteen years ago) link

"just a quick question.."

"any progress yet?"

― mike h. (mike h.), Thursday, 9 June 2005 14:39 (eighteen years ago) link

"I can smell curry supernoodles/toast/that woman's perfume all down the corridor"

― Mädchen (Madchen), Thursday, 9 June 2005 14:43 (eighteen years ago) link

We can't until we pay them.

― beanz (beanz), Thursday, 9 June 2005 14:44 (eighteen years ago) link

I have a friend that speaks "office-ese" habitually. To her "going out drinking" is "implimenting a beverage consumtion plan of action".
She lost her job a while abck and I think she just needs a way to get that sort of jargon out of her system.

― Thermo Thinwall (Thermo Thinwall), Thursday, 9 June 2005 14:52 (eighteen years ago) link

"Turn everything off, then turn everything on again, then turn the video off."

― Sick Mouthy (Nick Southall), Thursday, 9 June 2005 14:56 (eighteen years ago) link

In my mind, I'm trying to see if it raises any red flags.

― geyser muffler and a quarter (Dave225), Friday, 10 June 2005 11:42 (eighteen years ago) link

four months pass...

"I can't perform miracles here, I can only work with what i'm given"

― gear (gear), Saturday, 15 October 2005 04:55 (eighteen years ago) link

"just checking in on the ETA of that project you're working on. Sooner the better."

― gear (gear), Saturday, 15 October 2005 04:56 (eighteen years ago) link

"could you send me that file?"
"sure! (pause, typing...) you should be getting it....right....now..."
"thanks"

― gear (gear), Saturday, 15 October 2005 05:05 (eighteen years ago) link

hahaha, good call on that last one!

― s1ocki (slutsky), Saturday, 15 October 2005 05:10 (eighteen years ago) link

"hey i couldn't open that file, could you resend it?"
"oh i see, i should have sent it as a doc file, not as a txt file. you should be getting it....right....about.....now!"
"thanks"

― gear (gear), Saturday, 15 October 2005 05:13 (eighteen years ago) link

"I swear I'm not staying in this place another year"

― Hurting (Hurting), Saturday, 15 October 2005 05:14 (eighteen years ago) link

"I just wanted to make sure we're on the same page"

― Hurting (Hurting), Saturday, 15 October 2005 05:15 (eighteen years ago) link

"no, the channel editors do that now"

"yes, 18 hours a day"

"it's not within the window"

― CharlieNo4 (Charlie), Saturday, 15 October 2005 06:01 (eighteen years ago) link

"I just wanted to make sure we're on the same page"

See also "I just want to make sure we're all singing from the same hymnsheet".

"Just nipping out to Greggs, anyone want anything?"

"Oh, I can't have that, that's [consults Weightwatchers handbook] 14 points, and I've only got 10 left because I put butter on my toast this morning blah blah" FUCK OFF!!!!

― ailsa (ailsa), Saturday, 15 October 2005 07:53 (eighteen years ago) link

"Obviously I reserve our client's right to comment"

― Markelby (Mark C), Saturday, 15 October 2005 10:29 (eighteen years ago) link

"so when are we gonna fuck?"

― Forksclovetofu (Forksclovetofu), Sunday, 16 October 2005 06:14 (eighteen years ago) link

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Banal phrases that pepper everyday office conversation - report them here