when YOU KNOW YOU'RE GOING TO DIE (like I do)

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This might seem nuts, but I'm pretty sure I'm ging to die in a few days and I just wanted to read as many responses as I could before I actually do die, so here is a post:

I just went tot the corner store to get more beer. I plan to take it to the limit one more time before I undergo deadly surgery. YES, DEADLY surgery. YOu may get your wish. I have a 60-70$ cahnce of success, which means a 30% chance of death.

But, since all this nonsense has come to pass like the George Harrison Album, let me tell you some weird shit that has happened to me lately:

I woke up with a translucent creature on my chest. It felt like both sexes and it seemed to be trying to kill me. No shit. I was sober. I don't expect you to believe me. I was temporarily paralyzed and when I came "alive" again, I had a strange full-body tremor that woke up my mate and I could not stop as she was asking, "What's wrong?"

ANother thing: a coworker of mine was telling me about this person who was "hitting on her" and "really bothering her" and for some reason, I could tell what she really meant was that she had cheated on her husband and before I knew it there was a pause and I asked, "Does your husband know?" and she looked at me funny and said, "No" and then the truth came out. And she was obviously freaked out by me and didn't want to be around me.

Another thing: We ordered to pizza rolls and after 10 minutes, which is not really enough time to be suspicious about your delivery, I picked up the phone really without thinking and hit "redial." When the man picked up, I said, "I just wanted to make sure there was no problem with my order. It's 3-G, as in Godzilla, remember?" and he laughed and said, "Holy shit! He's in your building right now. I forgot about that!" I said, "yes, something funny so you'd remember." He said, "Why was I thinking '3-J as in John?'" I knew, for some reason, "Because it's the opposite?" And he said, "Yeah, you're right! That's crazy! I'm so sorry!" I was a little taken aback because of the surprised emotion and said it was no problem and a moment later my buzzer rang and this guy outside started to sing -- AND I JOINED HIM MIDSONG --- "stories high: GODZILLA!" I have barely any recollection of the cartoon, but I know it's the themesong to a Godzillar cartoon.

Also, before I opened the bad, I knew they forgot the sauce, which they said over the phone when we ordered "came with it, anyway" and we said, "well, just give us extra sauce, then, because we like lots of sauce!" As I paid the delivery man his tip, I thought, "there's 2 dollars wasted: they forgot the sauce and the apartment number-- if it wasn't for me, I wouldn't get this shit at all." I opened the bag and there it was: no sauce at all. Then I realized: how did I know they forgot the sauce already?!

So, anyway, I am pretty sure I am going to die.

ReNTBAPA: Resolute Not To Be A Prick Anymore (Unfortunate Prankster), Saturday, 4 June 2005 08:44 (nineteen years ago) link

quick!@ tell me life-fullfilling dreasm to do!

ReNTBAPA: Resolute Not To Be A Prick Anymore (Unfortunate Prankster), Saturday, 4 June 2005 08:47 (nineteen years ago) link

I woke up with a translucent creature on my chest. It felt like both sexes and it seemed to be trying to kill me. No shit. I was sober. I don't expect you to believe me. I was temporarily paralyzed and when I came "alive" again, I had a strange full-body tremor that woke up my mate and I could not stop as she was asking, "What's wrong?"

I think you'll find this thread highly interesting.

Tuomas (Tuomas), Saturday, 4 June 2005 08:58 (nineteen years ago) link

THank you, I'v eheard of this before. It seemed real but yet again, when something like that happens it's pretty fuckin' unreal! I will check out that thread. Thank you.

ReNTBAPA: Resolute Not To Be A Prick Anymore (Unfortunate Prankster), Saturday, 4 June 2005 09:02 (nineteen years ago) link

I hope you don't die and I'm fairly sure you'll be pleasantly surprised when you don't. But on the offchance you do, I think it would be very sad if your last gift to this world was 25 drunk threads to ILE, 85 posts of Blount and Ken C laughing at you and a prolonged meta discussion about whether to ban you or just delete everything. So for yourself, your legacy and the good of the world as a whole could you keep all this to one thread from now on please?

Matt DC (Matt DC), Saturday, 4 June 2005 09:08 (nineteen years ago) link

Um, now I feel stupid. That whole thing was basically the resason everyithing else seemed so strange, like things were happening. Or something.

ReNTBAPA: Resolute Not To Be A Prick Anymore (Unfortunate Prankster), Saturday, 4 June 2005 09:08 (nineteen years ago) link

I mean the creature on my chest. Probably not real. everything else just me being crazy, I guess.

ReNTBAPA: Resolute Not To Be A Prick Anymore (Unfortunate Prankster), Saturday, 4 June 2005 09:11 (nineteen years ago) link

Will it help if I ball up into a desperate, crying drunk ball, pleading to God? No, probably not.

Strike that-- it didn't and now I just feel embarrassed as if I am viewing myself naked for the first time.

Is it just me or does life often seem like the perfect opportunity to die?

I didn't realize it until just now, but I think I'm a fuckin' jackass whiny pussy. I'm almost 40 frickin' years old already. What is my god damned problem?

I think I will die in surgery because deep down I think I want to.

Fuck.

Fuck me, I'm sorry. I have to leave and become a different person. This is embarrassing. This is just fuck it somehing else I'm sorry for this.

ReNTBAPA: Resolute Not To Be A Prick Anymore (Unfortunate Prankster), Saturday, 4 June 2005 09:20 (nineteen years ago) link

Matt DC made me strap on my lollerskates and head downhill

g-kit (g-kit), Saturday, 4 June 2005 09:26 (nineteen years ago) link

It is almost pretty realistic writing, no?

ReNTBAPA: Resolute Not To Be A Prick Anymore (Unfortunate Prankster), Saturday, 4 June 2005 16:08 (nineteen years ago) link

I enjoy your drunken threads and also hope things turn out ok. Please update us when you are better. Also, just being scared you're going to die won't make it happen unless you're at the end of a Star Wars movie and even then it was probably really a space virus or something, so don't worry about that. :)

the guy that says stuff, Saturday, 4 June 2005 16:31 (nineteen years ago) link

Thanks, guy who says stuff, but I was just taking the piss. Drunk you know. I thought it was obvious, but here it is spelled out in case it wasn't.

ReNTBAPA: Resolute Not To Be A Prick Anymore (Unfortunate Prankster), Saturday, 4 June 2005 16:53 (nineteen years ago) link

aaron is back in full spledor

[that bastard] jaxon (jaxon), Saturday, 4 June 2005 20:57 (nineteen years ago) link

I am unique just like all of god's creatures. Our uniqueness is the only thing that makes us all the same.

ReNTBAPA: Resolute Not To Be A Prick Anymore (Unfortunate Prankster), Saturday, 4 June 2005 21:05 (nineteen years ago) link

Knowing you're going to die == the human condition.
Knowing what dreams may come in that sleep of dreams == classic.
Fear of death == dud.

Aimless (Aimless), Saturday, 4 June 2005 21:11 (nineteen years ago) link

I remember riding a dark ride (read: haunted house) at a carnival with my girlfriend, and at one point, it came to our attention that a ride vehicle had malfunctioned in front of us, and had come to a complete stop at the beginning of a large, gravity based drop. We looked at each other, both quite expectant that the car would derail after dropping 25 feet and we'd die. It was oddly calming. As was the time I hit a deer with my car going 55 mph. No real fear. Just a sort of, "oh. so that's it."

Alan Conceicao (Alan Conceicao), Saturday, 4 June 2005 22:22 (nineteen years ago) link

You are still asleep. Open the green door.

Girolamo Savonarola, Saturday, 4 June 2005 22:45 (nineteen years ago) link

I had a pretty fucked up dream last night. I was on this spaceship, and like 80 yrs old. It became known that our ship was doomed, and I became both sad and pissed off that I hadn't done more cool shit. (i guess flying around space didn't count as cool shit.)(also, i apparently was on some sort of life support. there were three sliders on a console that controlled my life support machine: one for breathing, one for heartbeat, and one for DANCING. In order to live a lil bit longer, i made the decision to sacrifics my dancing abilities, and turned it down all the way) Despite being a bizarre situation, my thought processes were very coherent and realistic. All I wanted was more time to live and do cool shit.
I woke up, and yay still alive! I spent the next 5 hours in my underwear watching baseball.

oops (Oops), Monday, 6 June 2005 00:07 (nineteen years ago) link

This thread's surrealist!
In order to live a lil bit longer, i made the decision to sacrifics my dancing abilities

Thats hilarious =) Also, I'm not sure what thats trying to say to you, dude ;)

Trayce (trayce), Monday, 6 June 2005 00:30 (nineteen years ago) link

How refreshingly unique- “subversive” , “covert”, gonzo territorial pissings, the desire to be avant-garde becomes an unconscious parody of conformity revealing more of their own shortcomings than anything else. Oh to be so "edgy", in a less charitable moment its not difficult to wish they encounter a blunt metal object dropped from a very great height . I wish I could be so “free”.

lets dance then, Monday, 6 June 2005 01:04 (nineteen years ago) link

What?

Orbit (Orbit), Monday, 6 June 2005 01:04 (nineteen years ago) link

You tell me

lets dance then, Monday, 6 June 2005 01:10 (nineteen years ago) link


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