I Could Never Love Someone Who...?

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....ate meat?

....hated pop?

....dyed their hair?

....read the Daily Mail?

....farted in bed?

We're all - or most of us - keen to emphasise the flexibility of desire. But what qualities - as trivial or serious as you like - would be an ABSOLUTE NO-NO in a long-term partner, for you?

Tom, Monday, 10 December 2001 01:00 (seventeen years ago) link

WAS A FUCKING HIPPY.

jess, Monday, 10 December 2001 01:00 (seventeen years ago) link

She can't make me brush my hair. noooo.

Ronan, Monday, 10 December 2001 01:00 (seventeen years ago) link

far-right politics (daily mail upwards, i suppose!). erm, eating meat would be hard, but as i've learned most boys would rather be a cooked- for veggie than be bothered to cook meat themselves i'd just make them cook it themselves. gosh do you know i can't think of many off the top of my head! does this make me an incredibly patient and forgiving person?

katie, Monday, 10 December 2001 01:00 (seventeen years ago) link

It's an interesting question. I usually thought (in the past tense because I'm not looking anymore) of people partner-wise in terms of the qualities I liked, like a sense of humor, intelligence, kindness, etc. The negatives I wouldn't really think about much because I suppose if there was something about them that I really didn't care for I probably wouldn't be drawn to them in the first place.

I will be facetious and say a beard.

Nic, Monday, 10 December 2001 01:00 (seventeen years ago) link

...liked Ant'N'Dec.

DG, Monday, 10 December 2001 01:00 (seventeen years ago) link

Is anyone going to be honest enough to say "fat" or "ginger"? ;-)

Venga, Monday, 10 December 2001 01:00 (seventeen years ago) link

Easy: I could never love someone who didn't like rock 'n' roll.

Sean, Monday, 10 December 2001 01:00 (seventeen years ago) link

...is shorter than me. And is shorter than me in heels if I am feeling harsh.

Emma, Monday, 10 December 2001 01:00 (seventeen years ago) link

boo hoo, DG doesn't wuv me.

Alan Trewartha, Monday, 10 December 2001 01:00 (seventeen years ago) link

The Daily Mail thing would be a real problem. If they realised their error quickly, or if they read it to psyche themselves up for a pro- wrestling bout/FITE by reading it, then I could just about stand it.

Chewed with their mouth open?

Was stupid?

p.s. it's alright Alan, I wuv you, you were v nice on Saturday.

Mark C, Monday, 10 December 2001 01:00 (seventeen years ago) link

...bitched about my conspicuous consumption.

David Raposa, Monday, 10 December 2001 01:00 (seventeen years ago) link

...was better at maths than me. (it's a male pride thing)

Alan Trewartha, Monday, 10 December 2001 01:00 (seventeen years ago) link

Stank?

Nick, Monday, 10 December 2001 01:00 (seventeen years ago) link

....considers herself Azn American.

Honda, Monday, 10 December 2001 01:00 (seventeen years ago) link

...doesn't love me.

...supports Spurs.

Other than that, I'm remarkably tolerant. But that's the glory of love for you, it lathes our sharp edges.

Trevor, Monday, 10 December 2001 01:00 (seventeen years ago) link

Liked Harry Potter.

I am SO alone.

Andrew L, Monday, 10 December 2001 01:00 (seventeen years ago) link

Sported a moustache

laetitia, Monday, 10 December 2001 01:00 (seventeen years ago) link

Andrew, you are not alone, you are however, the wrong sex.

chris, Monday, 10 December 2001 01:00 (seventeen years ago) link

Daily Mail / Young Tory. Cultural slummer out for a bit of rough.

Will, Monday, 10 December 2001 01:00 (seventeen years ago) link

Took drugs. Hated comics.

james, Monday, 10 December 2001 01:00 (seventeen years ago) link

Hated Bon Jovi. jel = on the shelf.

james, Monday, 10 December 2001 01:00 (seventeen years ago) link

I played matchmaker for the first time a few weeks ago. Not liking hip hop was almost a dealbreaker. "What does it say about someone that they don't like hip hop?"

Tracer Hand, Monday, 10 December 2001 01:00 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Auntie ILE,

I am struggling to think of any unloveable qualities not possessed by previous boyfriends. Should I be worried, or is this normal?

Thank you in advance for your advice,

worried of oxon, Monday, 10 December 2001 01:00 (seventeen years ago) link

...wuz a yuppie.

they'd have to be fabulously wealthy on old money instead.

Tracer Hand, Monday, 10 December 2001 01:00 (seventeen years ago) link

...loved me.

R, Monday, 10 December 2001 01:00 (seventeen years ago) link

Insisted on talking about politics at dinner every night or had a grating voice.

Maria, Monday, 10 December 2001 01:00 (seventeen years ago) link

... invited me to rub myself up against her collection of 'healing' crystals.

stevo, Monday, 10 December 2001 01:00 (seventeen years ago) link

...thought that fun and singing and silliness and biting and jumping around and wearing false moustaches and drinking out of hollowed out pineapples wasn't urgent and key.

rainy, Monday, 10 December 2001 01:00 (seventeen years ago) link

Lol lol lol hahaha I'm sorry to be cracking up Emma. Did you mean him in heels or you??? hahahaha

Gale Deslongchamps, Monday, 10 December 2001 01:00 (seventeen years ago) link

But what if she won them being ordered around by Richard O'Brien, Stevo?

I could never love someone who voted Tory *now*. Strangely, I probably could love someone who had voted Tory in earlier times, because sensible people did actually sometimes vote Tory then: it wasn't just the lunatic fringe like today.

I could also never love someone who might *choose* to live in Reading or Chelmsford or somewhere like that.

Robin Carmody, Monday, 10 December 2001 01:00 (seventeen years ago) link

A-ANTI CHRISTMAS

B-A BETTING MAN

NOT U-UNDERSTANDING

NOT S-SINCERE

I- Intent on wanting to place demands on

NO V-Valentines

NOT E-ENJOYING LIFE

ABUSIVE

Gale Deslongchamps, Monday, 10 December 2001 01:00 (seventeen years ago) link

Was.

Ugly.

Ally C, Monday, 10 December 2001 01:00 (seventeen years ago) link

enjoyed the music of Nelly Furtado, and was boring. I have not yet sorted out my criteria for boring so don't start sobbing into your fleecy woolen underlays just yet boys :)

Menelaus Darcy, Monday, 10 December 2001 01:00 (seventeen years ago) link

I could never love someone who didn't like Catcher in the Rye. I tried once and it didn't work out. I should have known better...

Justyn Dillingham, Tuesday, 11 December 2001 01:00 (seventeen years ago) link

was sexist

di, Tuesday, 11 December 2001 01:00 (seventeen years ago) link

disliked the wonderful music of Nelly Furtado.

duane, Tuesday, 11 December 2001 01:00 (seventeen years ago) link

...Said lots of outrageously inconsiderate and stupid things without thinking. And had one of *those* laughs.

turner, Tuesday, 11 December 2001 01:00 (seventeen years ago) link

For once, not bein facetious...

Erm, this is really difficult. Because none of the superficial qualities I considered utter no-go's were posessed by my ex, yet I never bothered to look for things that were *really* important. The things I thought were so important turned out to be very minor compared to the Really Big Issues that will split up a relationship.

I think, for the future, I can get around minor things like, oh, eating meat, smoking, liking The Strokes or reading the Daily Mail.

But I will never, ever, ever date anyone ever again who can not be *HONEST*. This is my new no-go zone. Even one little white lie or one little fib, and the kerb awaits.

(That said, it's probably easier to find a non-smoking, Strokes- hating vegetarian than a boy who doesn't lie.)

kate, Tuesday, 11 December 2001 01:00 (seventeen years ago) link

trouble is, everyone lies. apparently. if you tell the truth you are socially adept. like *me*

di, Tuesday, 11 December 2001 01:00 (seventeen years ago) link

You mean socially *inept*? I'm convinced that's the source of half my social problems... never learned to lie effectively. :-(

kate, Tuesday, 11 December 2001 01:00 (seventeen years ago) link

Presumably the relationship wouldn't get very far if there was something about their actual appearance/personal habits/quirks of speech that turned you off, so discount all of those.

It would have to be something on the political/religious level; I imagine it's possible to be on the 3rd or 4th date before their Love For Jaysus or hatred of asylum seekers emerges.

I did once fancy a girl who I suspected was a natural-born Tory, so I went to great lengths to avoid talking politics or current affairs, to keep the dream alive. Ultimately, I think this might've been my downfall, as my triv-talkin' skills were severely underdeveloped in those days, and there were a lot of silences.

Michael Jones, Tuesday, 11 December 2001 01:00 (seventeen years ago) link

I think I could love a self-consciously wicked Tory researcher.

Nick, Tuesday, 11 December 2001 01:00 (seventeen years ago) link

....lured me to an underground city in a post-apocalyptic setting with the intention of farming me for my sperm and by process of artificial insemination use that sperm to impregnate all the young females of the city after which I would be killed.

One boy and his dog, Tuesday, 11 December 2001 01:00 (seventeen years ago) link

SHould have listened to your dog.

Pete, Tuesday, 11 December 2001 01:00 (seventeen years ago) link

Right now I feel as though I could never love someone, full stop. The absence of companionship preys upon me all the time, but I know that I'm not in any state at present even to contemplate "another relationship" and probably won't be for a long time to come.

I guess with L and myself it was just the mythical X factor that propels any relationship - the joy of just being able to understand each other without having to explain or justify anything. We just got on, made each other laugh, looked after each other, and so on. And she was a Daily Mail reader (although mainly for the cute animal pictures and because her mum read it). Very traditional and small-c conservative in many ways, but as I've hinted before, we seemed to balance each other perfectly.

As you will have borne recent witness, without her steadying influence, I tend to go to pieces.

Marcello Carlin, Tuesday, 11 December 2001 01:00 (seventeen years ago) link

Duane, sometimes conflict can make life exciting, something that Timaru is clearly not doing for you

Menelaus Darcy, Tuesday, 11 December 2001 01:00 (seventeen years ago) link

I was going to say:
was male
smoked
was smelly
was ugly
but it's all lies, love surpasses all that stuff and beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

I think I could love many people but I think I could only be in love with someone highly unsuitable.

toraneko, Wednesday, 12 December 2001 01:00 (seventeen years ago) link

...used sex as a bargaining tool ...compared me to their exes ...was always "dieting" ...patronised me about music

electric sound of jim, Wednesday, 12 December 2001 01:00 (seventeen years ago) link

yeah kate i did actually mean inept. yeesh i need a holiday.

di, Wednesday, 12 December 2001 01:00 (seventeen years ago) link

As an ugly man - hideously vile, in fact - man myself, I must say ALLY C = MANOWAR.

Kodanshi, Wednesday, 12 December 2001 01:00 (seventeen years ago) link

What if they WAS. UGLY. but are not any more?

Madchen, Wednesday, 12 December 2001 01:00 (seventeen years ago) link

six months pass...
listens to country music

nancyspungen02, Saturday, 15 June 2002 00:00 (seventeen years ago) link

i listen to country musik

anthony, Saturday, 15 June 2002 00:00 (seventeen years ago) link

me too! yo wanna hook up?

unknown or illegal user, Saturday, 15 June 2002 00:00 (seventeen years ago) link

nancy?

unknown or illegal user, Saturday, 15 June 2002 00:00 (seventeen years ago) link

i do not listen to country music i could never love someone who listens to country music

nancyspungen02, Saturday, 15 June 2002 00:00 (seventeen years ago) link

oh i thought you said [something]

unknown or illegal user, Saturday, 15 June 2002 00:00 (seventeen years ago) link

OK anthony?

unknown or illegal user, Saturday, 15 June 2002 00:00 (seventeen years ago) link

lets get together & listen to hayley mills!

unknown or illegal user, Saturday, 15 June 2002 00:00 (seventeen years ago) link

hey don't hassle nelly furtado fans, mene didn't you know liz has her CDsingle!

queenoftheharpies, Saturday, 15 June 2002 00:00 (seventeen years ago) link

LOADS of people cite country music on dating sites as a big hate/turn- off, and I love it.

For me politics is top. I'd have said tory, but it's more specific. My last girlfriend was a capitalist, and that seemed less important than her being entirely anti-racist/sexist/homophobic. Those are my bottom line. An opposition to these prejudices is non-negotiable.

Also essential is at least understanding a passion for music, books and that stuff. Ideally, the passion is shared, but it has to be at the very least understood.

Martin Skidmore, Saturday, 15 June 2002 00:00 (seventeen years ago) link

...is a Republican (possible exception for someone who's in the closet on politics in order to preserve family harmony).

...is opposed to oral sex (an ex of mine wouldn't give or receive; therefore he is an ex).

j.lu, Sunday, 16 June 2002 00:00 (seventeen years ago) link

second the 'dieting' thing.

..who hated themselves

..who smoked

..who constantly put me down and belittled me.

although, of course, i'm lying. i fall horribly in love with these people and that's why i get hurt.

Wyndham Earl, Sunday, 16 June 2002 00:00 (seventeen years ago) link

I would LOVE to date another smoker.. don't know why I find it such a turnon when it's a horrible dirty habit etc etc

electric sound of jim, Sunday, 16 June 2002 00:00 (seventeen years ago) link

mmm smoker breath.

queenoftheharpies, Sunday, 16 June 2002 00:00 (seventeen years ago) link

...spat gobs in the middle of the street. not sure about gutter slag, but it's pretty unacceptable too, unless it's an emergency.

minna, Sunday, 16 June 2002 00:00 (seventeen years ago) link

I'm sure I've been out with a gutter slag before

electric sound of jim, Sunday, 16 June 2002 00:00 (seventeen years ago) link

...can't accept gay people.

...has no intellectual passion / is stupid.

...would be angry at me for going to an ILM meet-up (yes, she's now an ex).

Dave M., Monday, 17 June 2002 00:00 (seventeen years ago) link

I'm trying to whittle the list down (yes, must love rock'n'roll is still there), but I know I'll always remain extremely selective.

Sean, Monday, 17 June 2002 00:00 (seventeen years ago) link

If you're on about the ILM meet up I am thinking of, you probably told her all the bullshit that happened and then she decided you attended a decadent orgy full of WHORE GIRLS and got angry.

Anyhow, I would say "was married" but my mind is playing nasty tricks on me right now.

Ally, Monday, 17 June 2002 00:00 (seventeen years ago) link


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