picking up this waitress

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every time i come here she beams at me, even when she's not serving me! other people have pointed this out to me as well -- i used to maintain she was just being friendly, but now i don't know. anyway, can this even be done? am i fool for contemplating it? doesn't the fact that she's in the service industry complicate the flirting radar by like a gillion? am i drunk right now? i think i am. should i order more wine? i have to bike home! why do i feel like scott seward? i love that guy!

― mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 03:11 (eighteen years ago) link

i regret this thread already. do your worst, ilx.

― mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 03:11 (eighteen years ago) link

ilx.craigslist.org folks!

― Open your eyes; you can fly! (ex machina), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 03:12 (eighteen years ago) link

POT KETTLE BLACK

― mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 03:13 (eighteen years ago) link

Waitresses are easy. Go for it.

― milozauckerman (miloaukerman), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 03:19 (eighteen years ago) link

they know what boys like

― shine headlights on me (electricsound), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 03:22 (eighteen years ago) link

Where are you? I'll be there in ten minutes and I'll help you out.

― MindInRewind (Barry Bruner), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 03:25 (eighteen years ago) link

order a hot lunch and wink at her.

― Manny, Wednesday, 27 April 2005 03:26 (eighteen years ago) link

eww

― shine headlights on me (electricsound), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 03:27 (eighteen years ago) link

you never go home with the help

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 03:27 (eighteen years ago) link

what is a 'hot lunch'?

― mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 03:28 (eighteen years ago) link

doesn't the fact that she's in the service industry complicate the flirting radar by like a gillion?

This is the key point. Therefore, all advice we might give you on the subject is nearly worthless.

― MindInRewind (Barry Bruner), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 03:29 (eighteen years ago) link

my life is complicated.

― mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 03:31 (eighteen years ago) link

She's not waiting on you, so no problems there. Waitresses only work the fake flirting when it has a direct economic benefit.

Hit it, man!

― milozauckerman (miloaukerman), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 03:33 (eighteen years ago) link

do it

― 57 7th (calstars), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 03:34 (eighteen years ago) link

hey, let me take the ferry and i will help.... hang on

― Open your eyes; you can fly! (ex machina), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 03:35 (eighteen years ago) link

what is a 'hot lunch'?

it's worse than a hot karl

― shine headlights on me (electricsound), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 03:35 (eighteen years ago) link

you sound like LTCM

(lonely toronto comma man)

― cutty (mcutt), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 03:36 (eighteen years ago) link

not a waitress but i think the girl in the looks-like-a-first-date couple across from me and phil two at chai in williamsburg (thanks for dinner phil! soooo good!) was peepin' me the whole time. her date looked like another richie hawtin dweeb, so no wonder. i ain't no spring chicken but i got HAIR and i'm not afraid of showing my BABY BLUE EYES instead of keeping them locked behind nerdburgular glasses.

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 03:36 (eighteen years ago) link

cutty]]]]]]]dont

― mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 03:37 (eighteen years ago) link

,,,oh my god joel,,, did you really just type that,,,???!!

― cutty (mcutt), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 03:37 (eighteen years ago) link

what? like you think richie hawtin dweebs are cool?

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 03:37 (eighteen years ago) link

i regret this thread already.

― mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 03:38 (eighteen years ago) link

instead of keeping them locked behind nerdburgular glasses.

Hey!

― Trayce (trayce), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 03:38 (eighteen years ago) link

no the second part!

xxpost

― cutty (mcutt), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 03:38 (eighteen years ago) link

dinner was on phil since i helped him move today. wtf is wrong with that?

xpost - je ne regrette rien

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 03:38 (eighteen years ago) link

what, dude? people compliment me on my hair and my eyes all the time. i admit my eyes aren't as bambi-ish as yours, but whatevs.

not all glasses are nerdy, but the richie hawtin model has got to go. SORRY KENAN.

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 03:39 (eighteen years ago) link

i just ordered morr booooze.

― mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 03:39 (eighteen years ago) link

put em on the glass jorel

― shit think, shit think, shit quick (deangulberry), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 03:40 (eighteen years ago) link

come on meatloaf, let's see some tit

― shit think, shit think, shit quick (deangulberry), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 03:40 (eighteen years ago) link

http://www.bremertonrockyhorror.com/images/rh_meatloaf.jpg

― Open your eyes; you can fly! (ex machina), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 03:40 (eighteen years ago) link

no, i don't hang out at the same gay bars as you, deaner.

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 03:41 (eighteen years ago) link

really awesome for a guy who used to write about PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING and who has never posted a picture of himself to bag on my appearance. good one, MAN WHO LIKES MEN IN TIGHTS.

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 03:42 (eighteen years ago) link

(i like wrasslin' too)

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 03:42 (eighteen years ago) link

XPOST!!! (xpost)

― Open your eyes; you can fly! (ex machina), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 03:42 (eighteen years ago) link

oh, just show it already

― shit think, shit think, shit quick (deangulberry), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 03:44 (eighteen years ago) link

so you are gay? what are you doing on this str8 thread?

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 03:45 (eighteen years ago) link

give up the mams yo

― shit think, shit think, shit quick (deangulberry), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 03:45 (eighteen years ago) link

http://www.svcn.com/archives/wgresident/02.11.98/Wrestling1.GIF http://www.svcn.com/archives/wgresident/02.11.98/Wrestling1.GIF http://www.svcn.com/archives/wgresident/02.11.98/Wrestling1.GIF

― cutty (mcutt), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 03:46 (eighteen years ago) link

only for the hos, not the bros.

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 03:46 (eighteen years ago) link

Okay this is usually a totally bad idea, BUT on the off chance that you are not one of the millions of people who mistake normal friendliness for flirtiness (this is not meant as an insult, really) my advice is to invite her to something that's totally innocent enough (a friend's art show or band or movie screening or your own if you are lucky enough or whatever) like you were just asking anyone just cuz you thought it would be a cool thing to get the word out and have people who seem cool show up. If she actually does shows up then you can treat the situation like you would any other cool person you just met at an event thing (without the creepy picking up on you at work vibe) with the added bonus of knowing that she thought enough of your advice to come to the thing in the first place.

― Alex in SF (Alex in SF), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 03:46 (eighteen years ago) link

no-one can save us but kim the waitress

― shine headlights on me (electricsound), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 03:46 (eighteen years ago) link

come on man let's see that HAIR i've heard so much about

― rogers broseph (deangulberry), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 03:47 (eighteen years ago) link

someone just imed me this:

i think you win
dean must be the mexican elephant man

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 03:47 (eighteen years ago) link

(jon)

― cutty (mcutt), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 03:48 (eighteen years ago) link

someone just imed me this:

surely writing one article for the wwf when you're 18
is not the same as watching wwf every week when you're 32
and hair? who brags about having hair? seriously

― rogers broseph (deangulberry), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 03:49 (eighteen years ago) link

Joel has pretty nice LOX. xpost

― Open your eyes; you can fly! (ex machina), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 03:49 (eighteen years ago) link

who brags about having hair?

robert plant, apparently

― shine headlights on me (electricsound), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 03:49 (eighteen years ago) link

Dean, you seem to put a lot of stock in hair judging from your criticisms of me!

― Open your eyes; you can fly! (ex machina), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 03:50 (eighteen years ago) link

this thread is no longer about me and the hot waitress. it's about wrestling, and hair, and noizefights. i am totally okay with this turn of events.

― mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 03:50 (eighteen years ago) link

Skipping 320 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

I wasn't aware that romance was possible in Orlando!

― n/a (Nick A.), Thursday, 23 June 2005 20:18 (eighteen years ago) link

Me neither. Especially not at a Denny's. Or on International Drive.

― Ian Riese-Moraine eats nation-states for breakfast! (Eastern Mantra), Thursday, 23 June 2005 20:22 (eighteen years ago) link

awesome!

― s1ocki (slutsky), Thursday, 23 June 2005 20:31 (eighteen years ago) link

i wonder if mark got a warm welcome on his return home!! DO tell!!

― s1ocki (slutsky), Thursday, 23 June 2005 20:31 (eighteen years ago) link

I don't get what's "post-modern" about telling someone they're attractive. Or why you felt the need to add that.

― jaymc (jaymc), Thursday, 23 June 2005 20:32 (eighteen years ago) link

good luck, mark!

― cozen (Cozen), Thursday, 23 June 2005 20:33 (eighteen years ago) link

I don't get what's "post-modern" about telling someone they're attractive. Or why you felt the need to add that.
Well, I admitted straight away that I was flirting instead of being coy and cautious about it.

― Ian Riese-Moraine eats nation-states for breakfast! (Eastern Mantra), Thursday, 23 June 2005 20:47 (eighteen years ago) link

http://images-eu.amazon.com/images/P/B000063T0P.02.LZZZZZZZ.jpg

― s1ocki (slutsky), Thursday, 23 June 2005 20:48 (eighteen years ago) link

Exactly.

― Ian Riese-Moraine eats nation-states for breakfast! (Eastern Mantra), Thursday, 23 June 2005 20:50 (eighteen years ago) link

two months pass...

on a related note

― kingfish superman ice cream (kingfish 2.0), Saturday, 17 September 2005 04:40 (eighteen years ago) link

six months pass...

NEED IAN AND MARK UPDATES

― amateurist0, Friday, 17 March 2006 02:42 (eighteen years ago) link

wow what a thread! except I skipped a lot of it, but the Ian story above is like out of a one hot teen summer movie where the good guy finally gets the girl

― Dominique (dleone), Friday, 17 March 2006 21:14 (eighteen years ago) link

Good luck getting an update from Ian.

― jaymc (jaymc), Friday, 17 March 2006 21:19 (eighteen years ago) link

i gave a snaggletoothed waitress my number on the check once

― pssst - badass revolutionary art! (plsmith), Friday, 17 March 2006 21:35 (eighteen years ago) link

update: i found out like a year later she was gay

― pssst - badass revolutionary art! (plsmith), Friday, 17 March 2006 21:35 (eighteen years ago) link

Slut

― Jimmy Mod: GRILL ENSPEKTOR (The Famous Jimmy Mod), Friday, 17 March 2006 21:44 (eighteen years ago) link

I still love this thread.

― Forksclovetofu (Forksclovetofu), Friday, 17 March 2006 21:53 (eighteen years ago) link

Ian, I'm surprised you passed up the opportunity to make a joke about having your cake and eating it too. No, I don't have any success with waitresses, thanks for asking.

― ratty, Friday, 17 March 2006 22:52 (eighteen years ago) link

one year passes...

Back in my college days I lived in a dorm room with a roommate and my gf, a waitress, lived in the next town over. She came over a lot, but my roommate never left the dorm room. One night we were cuddling watching TV under the blankets, and he had his back to us, surfing the internet, his headphones on. She started rubbing her ass cheeks in a circular motion against me as we spooned. I reached around and slowly began rubbing her clit as she kept on grinding with her pants on. We both knew how it would eventually turn out, so we continued rubbing each other quietly under the covers. When I couldn't take it anymore, we quietly unzipped our pants...

and then I let one go.

― Cassius Wiener, Sunday, 8 April 2007 23:58 (seventeen years ago) link

great story.

― deeznuts, Monday, 9 April 2007 01:10 (seventeen years ago) link

hey troll, never noticed this thread til you revived it.

10/10
and the I-RM anecdote at the end is just icing.

so Mark P, what happened?

― sanskrit, Monday, 9 April 2007 01:22 (seventeen years ago) link

i started dating a third girl (herein referred to as 'crazytown') soon after. crazytown wasn't a waitress, but she did happen to know some of these particular ones, and she told me some harrowing-ass stories about them. i stopped dating crazytown (population = her, etc) after about five weeks and moved out of the neighbourhood about a month later. i never saw any of these characters again.

― ^@^, Monday, 9 April 2007 01:49 (seventeen years ago) link

i am now living in england, where i am destined to die alone, probably at a table for one as a result of a heart attack left undiagnosed by a hot and slightly put-out waitress who merely thought i was gesticulating wildly in her direction on account of some more wine, please?

― ^@^, Monday, 9 April 2007 01:54 (seventeen years ago) link

wow i'd forgotten all about this thread. it was a goody

― gem, Monday, 9 April 2007 03:55 (seventeen years ago) link

Cassius = LJ FROM THE FUTURE

― Curt1s Stephens, Monday, 9 April 2007 05:10 (seventeen years ago) link

hoverboard jagger

― JW, Monday, 9 April 2007 05:15 (seventeen years ago) link

that reminds me of the thread where the dude was credited as speedboat on imdb

― JW, Monday, 9 April 2007 05:37 (seventeen years ago) link

15. Snake Eater II: The Drug Buster (1991) .... Speedboat

― JW, Monday, 9 April 2007 05:47 (seventeen years ago) link

why no updates from mark or ian?

― amateurist, Monday, 9 April 2007 05:48 (seventeen years ago) link

stuff like this does not lead to "updates":

Darling Jennifer, excuse me for being terribly post-modern but I find you devastatingly attractive.

― Curt1s Stephens, Monday, 9 April 2007 06:15 (seventeen years ago) link

there was just an update from mark!

― s1ocki, Monday, 9 April 2007 06:30 (seventeen years ago) link

oh whoops. god i'm dying for some good ilx romance threads right now. but the new search engine stinks.

― amateurist, Monday, 9 April 2007 06:33 (seventeen years ago) link

i am now living in england, where i am destined to die alone, probably at a table for one as a result of a heart attack left undiagnosed by a hot and slightly put-out waitress who merely thought i was gesticulating wildly in her direction on account of some more wine, please?

Come to the pub, I can introduce you to the secret knowledge of where hot waitresses can be found in London, but not the hottests one, who wil be mine, if I'm ever in London long enough to get back to her cafe.

― Ed, Monday, 9 April 2007 06:35 (seventeen years ago) link

I will pay for this knowledge, Ed.

― mitya, Monday, 9 April 2007 07:52 (seventeen years ago) link

love this thread. it was one of the first 'personal' ones i really got into and followed every twist and turn. thanks for the update!

― jergïns, Monday, 9 April 2007 08:22 (seventeen years ago) link

one year passes...

order the fish

and then, wink

then, point at her crotch

wink again

― Andre Dawson (deangulberry), Monday, 2 May 2005 11:45 (3 years ago)

― resident advice whore (haitch), Tuesday, 3 February 2009 04:51 (fifteen years ago) link

qual

― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Tuesday, 3 February 2009 05:04 (fifteen years ago) link

They love subtlety.

― Millsner, Tuesday, 3 February 2009 05:51 (fifteen years ago) link

and then I let one go.

― velko, Tuesday, 3 February 2009 06:12 (fifteen years ago) link

eight years pass...

this is just so creepy

http://blog.wfmu.org/freeform/2007/11/365-days-307---.html

― Violet Jynx, Tuesday, 23 May 2017 15:49 (six years ago) link

the amount of times waitresses get notes/napkins/serviettes with a man's name and his number is probably too many to count

― i n f i n i t y (∞), Tuesday, 23 May 2017 17:09 (six years ago) link

let's keep old ilx old

― imago, Tuesday, 23 May 2017 17:12 (six years ago) link

o is this when mr mod locks the thread

― i n f i n i t y (∞), Tuesday, 23 May 2017 17:14 (six years ago) link

I guess I better get somethign done today (gets up to make a cuppa tea)

― Violet Jax (Violet Jynx), Tuesday, 23 May 2017 17:46 (six years ago) link

jeez, guys. it is good to remember that waitresses often depend on good tips from customers and more than a few of them discover that flirting a bit helps. this doesn't necessarily mean she wants to go down on you. it could just as easily mean she's single mom with a three year old waiting at home and her wringing a few extra bucks in tips out of her customers is worth encouraging yr fantasies if it buys her kid a new pair of shoes.

― A is for (Aimless), Tuesday, 23 May 2017 17:51 (six years ago) link

Hit on waitresses life's short who cares

― sleepingbag, Tuesday, 23 May 2017 18:01 (six years ago) link

chị ấy
Cô ấy
Cô ấy cô ấy
Cô ấy cô ấy cô ấy cô ấy

Old Vietnamese saying

― Violet Jax (Violet Jynx), Tuesday, 23 May 2017 18:04 (six years ago) link

this doesn't necessarily mean she wants to go down on you. it could just as easily mean she's single mom with a three year old waiting at home

if these are just as likely.... DEFINITELY hit on teh waitress

― sleepingbag, Tuesday, 23 May 2017 18:11 (six years ago) link

http://www.misterkitty.org/extras/stupidcovers/stupidcomics429.html

― Violet Jax (Violet Jynx), Tuesday, 23 May 2017 18:13 (six years ago) link

sleepingbag and Violet Jax, raising the tone of the place

― A is for (Aimless), Wednesday, 24 May 2017 04:35 (six years ago) link

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