I have a big ass

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I wanted to clear up some confusion amongst a handful of posters. I HAVE A BIG ASS. I'm not calling myself fat, though my stomach isn't looking too great thanks to drinks and PMS this week. I am saying I HAVE A BIG ASS. That is why I am on a diet. So for god's sake that's all there is to it. The only sign of my Hispanicness is my J-Lo ghetto booty, to snap off of Chris Rock. Someone at my work even mentioned it to me, "You got some back going there". THAT'S ALL THERE IS TO IT.

So, the point of this thread is to blurt out the thing about your physical appearance that is bugging you the most right this second. Because I just did it. So you should too.

― Ally, Friday, 13 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Ally, I dont believe you. Anyway, my neck is too long. I am the crane in the ointment.

― Simon, Friday, 13 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Some less pounds would be rather nice -- I'm hardly overweight, but for my frame extra it's noticeable. Fiddle. I can get rid of it if I put my mind to it, but I like food too much, dammit. I will one day find the right balance.

― Ned Raggett, Friday, 13 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

'Extra it's noticeable?' Pardon the temporary word-order confusion.

― Ned Raggett, Friday, 13 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

pimples dont want to go away. maybe i should wash my face more often/ use stuuf to help. im lazy. just go away. dammit

― kevin enas, Friday, 13 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

I like the way my body works.
My buddha belly, my lost vision, my too long back
They have their own charm.

― anthony, Friday, 13 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Now this ain't for no small booties
No sir cause that won't pass
But if you feel you got the biggest one
Then mama come shake ya ass

Show em whatcha workin with. Don't know what your problem is, girl.

FACT: 100 years ago, "natural curls" the BOMB, like you were blessed from above (ditto ass). A few years ago I read an interview with Nikki Sixx were he says "nobody cool ever had curly hair." Taking Nikki Sixx as seriously as I do on questions of cool I was crestfallen.

― Tracer Hand, Friday, 13 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

I'm too skinny. No matter how much I eat, I don't gain weight. It's more of a problem than it seems, but what little exercise I do makes me look more in shape than I am.

Long way of saying that I don't have a butt at all.

― Tadeusz Suchodolski, Friday, 13 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

I seem to gain and lose waist with out tipping the scalesmuch in either direction. I've been 85Kg for a very long time. Thin people are greatly overated. I wish I was fitter though.

― Ed, Friday, 13 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Otherwise I'm like Mary Poppins; Practically Perfect in Every Way

― Ed, Friday, 13 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Maybe I wasn't paying real close attention, but I didn't notice Ally's ass at all at the NYC meet-up

― Sterling Clover, Friday, 13 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Taking sides: Ass vs. Arse, which spelling is best? I'm equal opportunity in my usage. Arse is "correct" here, tho' ass perfectly acceptable. Personally, I like a good arse. And a good ass.

― AP, Friday, 13 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

When I say ass it just sounds silly. It's something of my neighbor's I shouldn't covet?

― Ed, Friday, 13 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

I like ass . But thats because i am not a scot .

― anthony, Friday, 13 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

But Ally, J-Lo has the best ass on the planet. It thought that was official. Actually, I did hear recently that her skirt had blown up or something and her unclothed ass is actually really disgusting, all veiny and covered in cellulite.

― Nick, Friday, 13 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

My nascent beer belly and eunuch handles, as Suzy so delightfully described them. However, this would require a serious reduction in the amount of beer and cheese I guzzle, which would be very hard for me to cope with.

― Richard Tunnicliffe, Friday, 13 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Oh, and I do have a big arse but I'm rather fond of it.

― Richard Tunnicliffe, Friday, 13 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

I'm short and skinny. I look younger than I am. I'm trying to find a way to pull it off well. Kate, you've seen a bunch of shaggy haired skinny indie-"bois": what do you recommend?

― Mitch Lastnamewithheld, Friday, 13 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

I have such a peculiar misshapen body that most of it perturbs me in some way. The odd thing is, I tend to accentuate the things that are wrong with the way I dress (skinny fit shirts, platform shoes, and so on...). Oh, but my platform shoes have been banned now, apparently...!

― Paul Strange, Friday, 13 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Not just banned, burned.

My thighs are really bugging me at the moment. No matter how fat I got, I always used to have great legs because I walked so much. I haven't been walking recently, and now my legs have gone to crap as well. Oh well.

I like my breasts, tho. They're the only thing on my body I like. Too bad no one ever seems to NOTICE them.

― masonic boom, Friday, 13 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Hey Kate Nice Tits
There does that make you feel better ?

― anthony, Friday, 13 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

So how big does an ass have to be before it is too big?

― Disco Dave, Friday, 13 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Well, I like every aspect of your body Kate. So there. :)

― Paul Strange, Friday, 13 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Oh, for crying out loud.

― Nick, Friday, 13 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Everything below the neck and above the knees, is bugging ME right now. And can I just say that I have now got "Ass'n'Titties" stuck in my head. Curse you Focus Group scoundrels for bringing that song to my attention.

And if anyone wants to see evidence of what effect too much Ass'n'Titties has on the male population, I'll be scanning in Pete and Johns reaction to it. Very Soon. Ally can see if her "ass" is bigger than their "asses". My ass is nowhere in sight, hahahaha.

― sarah, Friday, 13 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

"So how big does an ass have to be before it is too big? "

About as big as yours Dave. My nose is causing me real consternation at the moment, especially in the inside bits.

― Jonnie, Friday, 13 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Oi, Nick. Have I ever told you that I like every aspect of your body? I can go on about it at some length, on this forum and in front of many readers, if you like.

― the pinefox, Friday, 13 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

one night i had a great time at this bar and i felt so good about myself and was all on a self confidence high. on the way home some homeless guy goes "MMMM, you got the Biggest Ass, baby!" like that was supposed to make me feel good and go talk to him or something, but really it just made me want to vomit up everything i ever ate. but right this second my flabby arms are bugging me the most, id say. sigh. poor self-image: classic or dud???

― amy, Friday, 13 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Shut up pf, you're freaking me out.

― Nick, Friday, 13 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

You know, if a gay man tells me that I have nice tits, then I take it as a double compliment, because then I know it's a purely aesthetic judgement, instead of a prurient one. So thank you, Anthony, you have made my day.

Paul, stop being couply in public! What have I told you about PDAs!

And Nick and Pinefox, stop being such bitter old curmudgeons about Paul's PDAs!

― masonic boom, Friday, 13 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Some old geezer in his 70s came up to me once as I was weeping into my cigarette outside the doctor's (I had just had my bag stolen w/ mobile, wallet, house keys, CD walkman, brand new CD, lipstick stolen and was overreacting a little). He informed me I looked great from behind. Only somehow he managed to make it sound more flattering than that whilst simultaneously implying it (my arse) was not all that small, how did that work? He then went on to express amazement at my singleness and disgust at all men in London for this state. He clearly could not believe that someone with such a, er, 'rounded' arse could remain single.

But it did stop me from crying for a bit.... Although if any man under 40 says I have a big ass I will thump him very hard.

― Emma, Friday, 13 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Please teach me how to appreciate the difference between prurient and aesthetic appreciation of your tits, Kate. Just so I know.

― Nick, Friday, 13 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

I have always thought your arse was perfectly formed Emma. Its the rest of you that lets you down.

― Pete, Friday, 13 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

I once got an offer for a blow job from a 70 year old
I laughed and told him i really didn't feel like being gummed
I feel bad about that.

― anthony, Friday, 13 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

It really depends on what is said, and how it is said, Nick. Clearly, a gay man is not going to have any prurient interest in me, so it's not an issue.

It's more the difference between being told that you look nice, and having someone drooling and holding a conversation with your nipples. I am proud of my breasts, they are the most attractive thing about me physically. So it's OK to notice them. It's just not OK to treat them as if they are the ONLY thing about me.

― masonic boom, Friday, 13 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

My problem is finding an aspect of my physical appearance that doesn't bug me.

― Nicole, Friday, 13 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

I am saying ALLY DOES NOT HAVE A BIG ASS. (It's true, really.)

But, if all you bootylicious mamas & papas are looking to tighten up your trunk space, the best solution (as far as I can tell) is to hook up with yours truly. Around me and my pick-up trunk, your derierres will look like Yugos.

Which is why I've been half-heartedly exercising the past month, while eating exactly the same as I have for the past 2 years. Hence, not much progress...hmm...

― David Raposa, Friday, 13 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

I once wore some rather, er, tight trousers and witnessed numerous people have conversations with my crotch and my buttocks, so I know what Kate means. I daresay my crotch and buttocks were more interesting conversationalists to boot...

― Paul Strange, Friday, 13 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

My ass is NOT covered in cellulite or veins, so I guess I don't have J-Lo booty. I've been fairly lucky, my cellulite gene seems to come from my dad's side of the family, which despite being distinctively not thin (besides one aunt who is rail sized), has no cellulite.

― Ally, Friday, 13 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

I am, of course, very polite about not having conversations with breasts. I just queried your aesthetic/prurient distinction. Sometimes I stare and stare at things for aesthetic reasons, and I am quite capable of being discreet about my prurient thoughts. Don't assume that because a man is looking you in the eye they aren't consumed by ruttish thoughts.

Added to which, not being gay, I find it hard to distinguish between aesthetic and sexual appreciation of the breast. Artists are supposed to be able to do it, I suppose, but I'm not sure I trust them. Lustbeautycrazysexycool - let's not draw lines.

― Nick, Friday, 13 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Ally, that means you have stolen La Lopez's crown. I suggest you insure your ass for several million dollars and quit dietting right now.

― Nick, Friday, 13 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

If you are staring at breasts, that is wrong. It's rude to stare, no matter WHAT the object is. I mean, how would you like it if I stared at your fringe all night?

― masonic boom, Friday, 13 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Kate, when you go and see Fonda 500 you always stare at a certain person's fringe all night!

― Paul Strange, Friday, 13 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Only if I can start dressing like her all the time, including at work. Then I shall insure my ass.

― Ally, Friday, 13 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Naturally, I don't know what a PDA is. If I think I am a curmudgeon I'll say so. It's none of your business.

― the pinefox, Friday, 13 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Yeah, but Nick Fonda 500 has the BEST HAIR IN POP!!! If he didn't want us to stare, he wouldn't make it do tricks. Like Rachel and her tits- if she didn't want people to stare, she wouldn't have got them out!

― masonic boom, Friday, 13 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Oh, and Public Display of Affection.

― masonic boom, Friday, 13 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

You know, for ages I thought a PDA was a palm pilot or something like that...

― Paul Strange, Friday, 13 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

It's rude to stare, no matter WHAT the object is. I mean, how would you like it if I stared at your fringe all night?

I'd be honoured. Though I concede that it would be at my flatmate's and my discretion. What about public property/property of one's own, though? I mean I'm often staring at TVs, paintings and stuff. Is that a no-no?

Anyway, like I say, I don't stare at women's chests. Unless it's from the top of a bus and they can't see me. Although I probably have enough of a glance to let them know that I have noticed them, thus fulfilling both your wishes. I am best.

― Nick, Friday, 13 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Having thought about it I would rather someone stared at my tits than my arse when I was talking to them. I do not mind men looking as it reminds me what base animal instincts they have at times..... however I would prefer them to at least look surreptitiously and show a little civilisation.

― Emma, Friday, 13 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Skipping 549 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

I wonder what Frankie Muniz would look like with a big ass.

― Pleasant Plains /// (Pleasant Plains ///), Wednesday, 11 January 2006 20:54 (eighteen years ago) link

:'(

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 11 January 2006 20:59 (eighteen years ago) link

one year passes...

http://www.freephile.com/images/HughJass.gif

― timmy tannin (pompous), Thursday, 11 January 2007 07:56 (seventeen years ago) link

Yo Pomp, what's up with the controversial threads-revivals?

The sound of 300 pounds of lard banging against the wall...

and now this one... :-/

― StanM (StanM), Thursday, 11 January 2007 08:08 (seventeen years ago) link

when i saw this thread, i thought that i might have started it actually.

ally: kudos.

― Steve Shasta (Steve Shasta), Thursday, 11 January 2007 08:08 (seventeen years ago) link

boredom & booze, plus it's interesting to see how personalities have evolved, or devolved over time
xpost

― timmy tannin (pompous), Thursday, 11 January 2007 08:10 (seventeen years ago) link

oh, ok, no prob - thought you were trying to restart old fights or something.

― StanM (StanM), Thursday, 11 January 2007 08:15 (seventeen years ago) link

one month passes...

I will cry at the lack of bootie during my trip to japan.

― Windy G Moisture, Thursday, 1 March 2007 22:28 (seventeen years ago) link

oh man this fucking thread

― the schef (adam schefter ha ha), Thursday, 1 March 2007 22:28 (seventeen years ago) link

Skipping 508 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

dare i?

― g®▲Ðұ, Thursday, 1 March 2007 22:34 (seventeen years ago) link

lots of january 11 msgs there.

― chicago kevin, Thursday, 1 March 2007 22:37 (seventeen years ago) link

i have a big ass.

― lauren, Thursday, 1 March 2007 22:41 (seventeen years ago) link

I really hope I did not post here about my big ass.

― David R., Thursday, 1 March 2007 22:42 (seventeen years ago) link

this must be some sort of epicentre

― unfished business, Thursday, 1 March 2007 22:47 (seventeen years ago) link

ok wtf do not dare it gets crrrazy

― the schef (adam schefter ha ha), Thursday, 1 March 2007 22:50 (seventeen years ago) link

Ally, I thought it was more that you had short legs?

― Michael White, Thursday, 1 March 2007 22:56 (seventeen years ago) link

my cock is just too impossibly gigantic

― the sir weeze, Thursday, 1 March 2007 23:20 (seventeen years ago) link

Think of how the hens feel.

― Michael White, Thursday, 1 March 2007 23:23 (seventeen years ago) link

if there is one thing that is true about me, i have very stumpy legs and i am grotesquely obese, it's true.

― the schef (adam schefter ha ha), Friday, 2 March 2007 00:13 (seventeen years ago) link

I used to be a fattie-- like 5'5", 205 lbs fattie. Thanks to some years of less than healthy habits, I am now 130-135, 5'9".

My problem, then? STRETCH MARKS. My hips look like shit.

― the table is the table, Friday, 2 March 2007 00:21 (seventeen years ago) link

I have attack ribs. Don't ask.

― John Justen, Friday, 2 March 2007 00:21 (seventeen years ago) link

"STRETCH MARKS. My hips look like shit."
I like those.

― Windy G Moisture, Friday, 2 March 2007 00:26 (seventeen years ago) link

i have a big ass.

show off.

― DavidM, Friday, 2 March 2007 00:27 (seventeen years ago) link

i would like a bigger ass. mine is rubbish.

― emsk, Friday, 2 March 2007 00:55 (seventeen years ago) link

It appears that you've found a thread full of donors.

― John Justen, Friday, 2 March 2007 00:59 (seventeen years ago) link

i wish we could still post to ilx in giant red and blue letters ;_;

― TOMBOT, Friday, 2 March 2007 01:00 (seventeen years ago) link

http://images.dmusic.com/v7/emoticons/zzz.gif

― am0n, Friday, 2 March 2007 01:01 (seventeen years ago) link

wait i'm not tombot

― TOMBOT, Friday, 2 March 2007 01:02 (seventeen years ago) link

i am soft and cuddly. i never asked for this.

― kenan, Friday, 2 March 2007 01:12 (seventeen years ago) link

small hands

― gbx, Friday, 2 March 2007 01:15 (seventeen years ago) link

you know what that means, don't you?

har har lolz gbx hung like raisin etc

― kenan, Friday, 2 March 2007 01:22 (seventeen years ago) link

shut up kenan

― gbx, Friday, 2 March 2007 01:25 (seventeen years ago) link

haha

― lfam, Friday, 2 March 2007 01:43 (seventeen years ago) link

http://myspace-295.vo.llnwd.net/00084/59/29/84489295_m.jpg

Sometimes my webbed feet make shoe-shopping a pain.

― Maria :D, Friday, 2 March 2007 01:44 (seventeen years ago) link

my face is red all the time for some reason. it bugs me.

― t0dd swiss, Friday, 2 March 2007 01:50 (seventeen years ago) link

I once got an offer for a blow job from a 70 year old
I laughed and told him i really didn't feel like being gummed
I feel bad about that.

anthony on Thursday, July 12, 2001 8:00 PM (5 years ago)

― forksclovetofu, Friday, 2 March 2007 02:48 (seventeen years ago) link

Posture

― peepee, Friday, 2 March 2007 03:04 (seventeen years ago) link

I really hope I did not post here about my big ass

― HI DERE, Friday, 2 March 2007 03:15 (seventeen years ago) link

nine months pass...

the first signs of jigglage in my entire life in my chestal area. and I'm still thin as hell (under 170 pounds), but for the first time in my life I gain weight!

― Bo Jackson Overdrive, Wednesday, 5 December 2007 02:46 (sixteen years ago) link

not that manboobs are in the future since I still look like Waldo

― Bo Jackson Overdrive, Wednesday, 5 December 2007 02:48 (sixteen years ago) link

SUnrise, sunset...

were you jumping on a trampoline during this epiphany?

― Abbott, Wednesday, 5 December 2007 02:56 (sixteen years ago) link

No, Kriss Kross was playing....

― Bo Jackson Overdrive, Wednesday, 5 December 2007 02:57 (sixteen years ago) link

It wasn't your fault that you missed the bus. :(

― Abbott, Wednesday, 5 December 2007 02:58 (sixteen years ago) link

I still have that cassingle somewhere....

― Bo Jackson Overdrive, Wednesday, 5 December 2007 02:58 (sixteen years ago) link

I'm a pretty boy. I lack several uberman qualities. On the other hand, I am great at being an insufferable jackass when I want to be one.

― CaptainLorax, Wednesday, 5 December 2007 03:57 (sixteen years ago) link

What are you on about?

― W4LTER, Wednesday, 5 December 2007 04:03 (sixteen years ago) link

What we need here is a jpeg of a steatopygous female. I am sure it will make Ally feel better. I rather like this one:

http://www.cryptomundo.com/wp-content/uploads/steatopygia.jpg

― Aimless, Wednesday, 5 December 2007 04:18 (sixteen years ago) link

baby's got... soul
http://img187.imageshack.us/img187/5789/l312c86e2de2f0aad9dad99uy2.jpg

― CaptainLorax, Wednesday, 5 December 2007 05:34 (sixteen years ago) link

where's adam schefter been lately, anyway?

― kingfish, Wednesday, 5 December 2007 05:39 (sixteen years ago) link

Running around on Facebook.

― nathalie, Wednesday, 5 December 2007 08:30 (sixteen years ago) link

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