This is the thread for the crap reality TV shows that you know no-one else watches but you want to talk about anyway

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So I'm sitting in watching Channel 4's The Games, featuring Lisa Maffia curling and Chesney Hawkes speedskating. I have thought many times whilst watching Celebrity Fat Club, the last series of The Games, Strictly Dance Fever, Stars in their Eyes etc, that SURELY I'm not the only person watching this shit. But I've never started a thread for any one show, thinking, why bother. So here is a thread where we (by which I mean "I", obviously) talk about this sort of stuff.

ailsa (ailsa), Tuesday, 29 March 2005 19:46 (fourteen years ago) link

i rapidly developed a fondness for The Starlet a few weeks ago but schedule has kept me from religiously following it. still, i've had thoughts/pangs at random reminding myself to be in front of the tv on tuesdays for the new one. which is a little scary. has anyone seen it? somehow it feels more guilty than project runway (which i stand behind my love for...)

crly, Tuesday, 29 March 2005 20:05 (fourteen years ago) link

Also, has anyone been watching H Side Story? I got oddly fixated by it last week, then just remembered about it about three seconds ago.

ailsa (ailsa), Tuesday, 29 March 2005 20:09 (fourteen years ago) link

I love reality TV. Why the guilt about watching it?

Anyway, is anybody else watching SURVIVOR? This season is interesting. Stephenie is now a 1-woman team! Is she going to have to compete as a team next week for immunity or will they "merge" before then? I'm glad she outlasted the other nitwits on her team. She and Bobby Jon deserved to make it.

Maria :D (Maria D.), Friday, 8 April 2005 19:19 (fourteen years ago) link

I was seriously considering applying to be on Survivor right before I got pregnant the first time.

Maria :D (Maria D.), Friday, 8 April 2005 19:42 (fourteen years ago) link

haha, I saw a trailer for a new show called Celebrity Wrestling tonight - bizarre concept if ever I saw one. Except that ones of the celebs is Kate Lawler who is only a celeb (if you can even still call her that) because she is a previous Big Brother winner...

Other losers involved in this daft idea include James Hewitt who has become some sort of reality TV whore. I can't even remember who else was involved, except Jenny Powell.

ailsa (ailsa), Saturday, 9 April 2005 18:52 (fourteen years ago) link

Also, Hit Me Baby One More Time, which, quite apart from being the worst-named show ever, which tonight featured Haddaway singing "Toxic" and Belinda Carlisle singing "The Scientist".

I wish that I didn't love this kind of stuff, but, really, it's beyond my control now. Z-list celebs and people who want to become Z-list celebs captivate me in a horrid world of fascination.

ailsa (ailsa), Saturday, 9 April 2005 18:56 (fourteen years ago) link

If that wrestling show will involve the likes of James Hewitt taking on, say, Stone Cold Steve Austin, I will be a keen viewer.

Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Saturday, 9 April 2005 19:42 (fourteen years ago) link

I love "Hit Me Baby One More Time"! Last week it involved Nick Heyward and Carol Decker, and this week it involves Sinitta and Hue & Cry. How can this not be the BEST THING EVER?!

ailsa (ailsa), Saturday, 23 April 2005 15:39 (fourteen years ago) link

Not just Hue & Cry, but Hue & Cry doing a really wanky version of "Crazy in Love". That sounds exactly what you'd expect it to sound like.

ailsa (ailsa), Saturday, 23 April 2005 16:13 (fourteen years ago) link

two weeks pass...
Revive in anticipation of the fact that Ron Jeremy is rumoured to be on the new series of "The Farm" starting tonight on Channel Five. RON JEREMY! Other rumours include Jessie Wallace's ex(?) fiance (surely the most non-celeb celeb since, er, Fran Cosgrave) Andy Scott-Lee (surely the other most... etc etc) and Toyah Willcox.

Also, I have just seen a trailer for Celebrity Love Island. I think Hewitt might be involved in that too (in fact I read something today about him being involved with Lisa from Big Brother 3 (or was it 4) which is too scary for words. Apparently they met at a party to celebrate her boob job)

ailsa (ailsa), Monday, 9 May 2005 18:12 (fourteen years ago) link

That "Crash Test Mommy" show is good, but mostly because of Dagmar, the presenter.

everything, Tuesday, 10 May 2005 06:39 (fourteen years ago) link

Is ron on? I heared La Ciccolina is there...

mark grout (mark grout), Tuesday, 10 May 2005 07:16 (fourteen years ago) link

Yes, Mark. Ron Jeremy is on as well as La Ciccolina.

mark grout (mark grout), Tuesday, 10 May 2005 12:17 (fourteen years ago) link

Blimey. What are the Daily Mail making of this, then?

mark grout (mark grout), Tuesday, 10 May 2005 12:18 (fourteen years ago) link

nine months pass...
Revive for Just The Two of Us - BBC's attempt to cash in on the "success" of Soapstar Superstar. Features rubbish celebs duetting with proper singers.

Judges include Stewart Copeland! Singing partners include Martin Fry! Nicky Campbell is an appalling singer.

ailsa (ailsa), Thursday, 23 February 2006 20:08 (thirteen years ago) link

But is he wearing a banana suit?

Huk-L (Huk-L), Thursday, 23 February 2006 20:09 (thirteen years ago) link

That's Nicky Wire. He's an appalling singer as well.

ailsa (ailsa), Thursday, 23 February 2006 20:10 (thirteen years ago) link

Oh my God, it's CURTIS STIGERS!!

ailsa (ailsa), Thursday, 23 February 2006 20:14 (thirteen years ago) link

Martin Fry had a lovely pale blue suit, though it would have been better matched with a white shirt rather than black. Vernon and Tess are awful though.

James Ward (jamesmichaelward), Friday, 24 February 2006 09:52 (thirteen years ago) link

The voting was all over the shop.

Oh I'm doing an impression of someone who cares!

mark grout (mark grout), Friday, 24 February 2006 09:56 (thirteen years ago) link

The scoring did seem needlessly complicated. Each judge marked the couples out of ten, and then what? The scores were aggregated and then the couples ranked according to their score and given another score out of ten according to their position? Why not just stick with the original scores from the judges, or an average? And then a viewers vote as well? I don't understand!

James Ward (jamesmichaelward), Friday, 24 February 2006 10:06 (thirteen years ago) link

Pah. I'd much rather watch Masterchef. Which would almost be as good as original Masterchef if it weren't for the fact that one of the judges is nothing but a glorified greengrocer.

accentmonkey (accentmonkey), Friday, 24 February 2006 13:47 (thirteen years ago) link

Nothing can stop Penny! The public love her.

mark grout (mark grout), Monday, 27 February 2006 11:44 (thirteen years ago) link

.. and continue to.

mark grout (mark grout), Friday, 3 March 2006 12:26 (thirteen years ago) link

Penny is appalling. Why is she so popular? I think that dude that used to be Greg Shadwick in Brookside + her out of Atomic Kitten will win.

ailsa (ailsa), Friday, 3 March 2006 18:53 (thirteen years ago) link

ten months pass...
OK, revive for Dancing on Ice, featuring Lee Sharpe doing bad air guitar to The Clash, and Duncan James in a very very bad shirt. I love this stuff.

ailsa (ailsa), Saturday, 27 January 2007 19:43 (twelve years ago) link

Every week, a celebrity (or professional) gets their head smashed on the floor.

InjuryLawyers 4 yew must be having a field day!

mark grout (mark grout), Monday, 29 January 2007 11:51 (twelve years ago) link

WAGS BOUTIQUE! (come anticipate, etc)

ailsa (ailsa), Monday, 29 January 2007 19:01 (twelve years ago) link

did anyone watch intervention last night with the VIDEO GAME addict?

joseph (joseph), Monday, 29 January 2007 19:13 (twelve years ago) link

Dancing on Ice today involves lovely Duncan James in an even worse shirt and glittery bouffant hair, and Marilyn off Home and Away falling on her arse. Hurrah for crap telly!

(the opposition - Opportunity Knocks lite - on BBC 1 is currently featuring a women doing a dance routine with her dog)

ailsa (ailsa), Saturday, 10 February 2007 18:45 (twelve years ago) link

three years pass...

Spin Crowd!

I loved/hated this programme so much - often at the same moment.

Ned Trifle (Notinmyname), Monday, 31 January 2011 11:27 (eight years ago) link

The new Hell's Kitchen US is hilariously fraught and cartoonish.

Inevitable stupid dubstep mix (chap), Monday, 31 January 2011 12:31 (eight years ago) link

two years pass...

Vanilla Ice Goes Amish

Ned Raggett, Tuesday, 23 April 2013 21:40 (six years ago) link

one year passes...

In a fit of boredom last night I watched a sneak preview ondemand of that new Linda Perry show on VH1.

Linda Perry Project: Make or Break, I think it's called.

It's kinda good? I mean, you kinda have to be onboard with her to begin with & her whole 'hi I look like a female steven tyler now' is a bit weird, but I like the no-bullshit angle.

she gets these kids in a room and she really pushes them out of their comfort zone, and it's interesting to see how they react. And there's a little bit of behind-the-scenes drama with the one band that's on the verge of falling apart from the very beginning.

set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Wednesday, 16 July 2014 16:48 (five years ago) link

five years pass...

it's so joyous to have someone as awesome as tim on reality tv (the circle fyi)

also notable is that they kind of don't have any twats in the house (yet)

imago, Friday, 27 September 2019 15:04 (three weeks ago) link

Fox Pithole Britain (Noodle Vague), Friday, 27 September 2019 15:08 (three weeks ago) link


where else could you watch richard madeley anonymously flirting with fatboy slim's teenage son

where else

imago, Friday, 27 September 2019 15:09 (three weeks ago) link

nah it's all good i don't tv judge

emma willis is the happy shopper davina tho

Fox Pithole Britain (Noodle Vague), Friday, 27 September 2019 15:10 (three weeks ago) link

i spend her segments waiting for the actual stuff from the house to begin. her voiceover interjections aren't too bad though

imago, Friday, 27 September 2019 15:11 (three weeks ago) link

oh and i saw a clip of Madeley with his geetar this morning and ffs

Fox Pithole Britain (Noodle Vague), Friday, 27 September 2019 15:16 (three weeks ago) link

he's being quite funny about it all tbf

imago, Friday, 27 September 2019 15:18 (three weeks ago) link

I got quite into this the first season, and I do not know why, I barely watch any reality TV usually. But yes, I am watching it again. I love Tim but keep expecting him to say something horribly reactionary that will destroy everything, I really hope he doesn't, and does stay in.

emil.y, Friday, 27 September 2019 15:59 (three weeks ago) link

he has remained the best person on tv

imago, Sunday, 6 October 2019 23:06 (one week ago) link

obv still enjoying the show, ella and woody are a formidable duo

imago, Sunday, 6 October 2019 23:07 (one week ago) link

I love Tim but keep expecting him to say something horribly reactionary that will destroy everything

― emil.y, Friday, 27 September 2019 15:59 (one week ago) bookmarkflaglink

aaaahhhhhhh ADMIRES THATCHER goddammit emil.y how did you know

imago, Wednesday, 9 October 2019 22:11 (one week ago) link

mitigation: flamboyant gay man of a certain age, aesthetic reasons idk

but there's little excuse

my faith is severely shaken

imago, Wednesday, 9 October 2019 22:12 (one week ago) link

i like tim again

however, who could have expected that monster heel-turn from the hitherto coldly impassive and self-possessed catfish haha

imago, Wednesday, 16 October 2019 01:55 (two days ago) link

(ans: anyone)

imago, Wednesday, 16 October 2019 01:55 (two days ago) link

We’ve been watching Sugar Rush on Netflix. It’s terrible and I love almost all of the contestants

El Tomboto, Wednesday, 16 October 2019 02:18 (two days ago) link

It’s exactly what you’d expect if GBBO was invented by Americans

El Tomboto, Wednesday, 16 October 2019 02:19 (two days ago) link

Georgina is the most fickle flower imaginable - she can't see the other two have only turned to her because they thought she was the weakest but she's blown so much smoke up her own arse she's turned into a smog balloon.

Like UK politics, the trouble is that the rebels don't have the numbers. Jan will be the only one Sammi and Tim can agree on, because you don't expel one of your own unless you *have* to so it comes to 3 vs 3 in voting. There will end up being a stalemate at the next vote assuming they do strict party lines on position - if not then the rebels will lose by small margins.

Tim = TMay
Woody = Philip Hammond
Ella = Dominic Grieve
Sammi = Boris
Paddy = Penfold
Georgina = Steven Barclay

If Tim fails it won't be because the rebels unseat him, but because he chooses to fall after taking to win the argument with logic and (in his mind) trying his absolute best.

Mind you, I still think James will fuck up in the final days and ruin his cover story accidentally. Can't see how it will happen, but he's getting more wound up by the day and that's when his mask will slip.

I've enjoyed this season, mainly because of how spectacularly bad (and deluded in their own abilities) the catfish have been (James excluded). Also Beth and Jack seem like a really nice couple.

So, your CV says you're a (checks notes) DJ and stand-up comedian (aldo), Wednesday, 16 October 2019 06:04 (two days ago) link

We’ve been watching Sugar Rush on Netflix. It’s terrible and I love almost all of the contestants

I like Sugar Rush as well, but there's no build-up. It's exactly the same every episode. I want to see an ultimate winner!

trishyb, Wednesday, 16 October 2019 10:16 (two days ago) link

I've just watched the Bear Grylls Treasure Island thing bcs my nextdoor neighbour was a contestant. I couldn't get it at all: no drama, no chemistry, certainly no humour, and just four episodes, each a week apart, so little in the way of narrative arc. Seemed utterly pointless.

fetter, Wednesday, 16 October 2019 11:30 (two days ago) link

Tim has told Woody something different to put Sammie bottom, Woody will tell Ella. I suspect Tim will tell Ella he asked the first bestie question to try and draw out the second.

If TWE try and vote split to ensure WE stay in then I think we could end up with inconclusive winners and losers in the last vote. Better perhaps to sacrifice one and make sure the other two survive, which will be Tim if it happens.

All in all though it's been a piss poor rebellion.

2 to go tomorrow, 4 in the last day? Can't remember what happened last year.

So, your CV says you're a (checks notes) DJ and stand-up comedian (aldo), Wednesday, 16 October 2019 23:06 (two days ago) link

what happened last year = alex had a crisis of conscience and almost gave the game away, didn't, and won £150,000

imago, Thursday, 17 October 2019 01:14 (yesterday) link


imago, Thursday, 17 October 2019 01:14 (yesterday) link

i had the thought that the circle could ask each trio to decide one from within themselves to go home (or one from the opposite team!) but that isn't organic enough. you're quite right that georgina is fickle and i think she could be flipped back. she doesn't have the game of a double-agent mind you

this is heading towards either delicious catharsis or the triumph of surprisingly pure evil though, it's cracking tv

imago, Thursday, 17 October 2019 01:16 (yesterday) link

The rapid unlocking of Sammie’s manic defences has been quite something! I think that despite his capacity to totally switch off from even the surface appearance of reasonable behaviour, he is so locked into his split character that he won’t make a mistake with the story.

I am massively impressed with (invisible editing aside) how instinct and intuition are winning through I’m this season! So many moments of an almost physical presentiment of something about to happen... I want Woody to win so much, and then to give all the money to Sammie’s cause.

tangenttangent, Thursday, 17 October 2019 01:23 (yesterday) link

lol that would be amazing

imago, Thursday, 17 October 2019 01:24 (yesterday) link

sammie is the mad queen

imago, Thursday, 17 October 2019 01:25 (yesterday) link

lol by what happened last year I meant what were the numbers in the last days (trying to intuit whether single, double or even treble block tonight). My guess is it'll be another auto and an influencer discussion for a second.

I thought Sammie was close to breaking cover over the motivation for his win and he's dropped the Sammie character completely in the rebels chat - he now *sounds* like an angry Scouse bloke in it, but whether either Paddy or Georgina are bright enough to pick up on that I doubt very much.

The way I think tonight's show will play out:

Woody will tell Ella Sammie is a catfish in a detective chat
Tim will tell Ella the first message was his to winkle out the second
Ella will make a very strong accusation Sammie is a catfish
James will go mental and try and over-reach Stage IV (it whatever he's at)
Georgina will break ranks after James makes it personal
*Possibly* James will slip up as Sammie
Sammie will come bottom in the first vote - TWE will put them bottom and Georgina will not put them first even if Paddy does - so if it's an automatic they'll go.
Without Sammie, Georgina has an opportunity to get back into TWE and will spill the beans on the rebels t do so, selling Paddy out in the process.

This is all weirdly reminiscent of BB 2008 (yes, I had to check which year it actually was) which had the Jungle Cats trying to break up what they called the Get Along Gang - because the JCs saw it as the GAG just playing it safe to stay in as long as possible. Of course that ultimately led to Fight Night, the police removing people from the house and arguably the start of the end for the show.

If we had had different people in the last 3 - Jan possibly, maybe Jack, I think definitely Sy - we would have seen it kick off around the dinner table in the final reveal when Sammie comes out. Ella still might.

Haha aah I remember Fight Night from BB5! Never has a tin tray been used so threateningly on TV before. What a mess that season was.

I can imagine poor Tim being absolutely crushed by the Sammie reveal at the table and not being able to look at him.

I think it’s likely that if there’s another ratings, Georgina and either Ella or Tim would be influencers, as Sammie will be buried now after this latest outburst. Georgina will definitely try to reinforce her bond with Ella as much as possible following whatever fallout occurs.

tangenttangent, Thursday, 17 October 2019 10:08 (yesterday) link

it's really sad about paddy. they got a gay disabled person on the circle, but he was an empty dickhead :(

(obviously his dickheadedness shaped by years of discrimination, but there's no grace or seemingly much in the way of wit or charm there. and he's from a place where wit and charm are prized above all!)

imago, Thursday, 17 October 2019 10:18 (yesterday) link

Tim will take the Sammie reveal the worst, but Woody will be devastated I reckon.

James has only really used Charlie as a tool against Tim, although Woody has asked about him a bit. I don't think anyone else apart from Jay has had a talk with James about Charlie that we've been shown?

Using the Grandpa Tim hashtag in last night's show is what will end up hurting the most when it comes out.


well, at least we know now that james a) won't win and b) has ruined his life

imago, Thursday, 17 October 2019 22:11 (yesterday) link

Ella telling Georgina that he was messaging COT bragging while the influencers were away has definitely turned her.

Irrelevant tbh because I think it's only public votes now which means Tim will win (although maybe Woody will get close).

James bottom because the world surely thinks he's a dick
Paddy next
Then Georgina for being easily led but almost with a good heart
Woody second
Tim wins

Woody's message from home was weird because it implied his parents were together but they split up 3 or 4 years ago iirc

is it really public votes? we need the catharsis of georgina turning on sammie

imago, Thursday, 17 October 2019 22:30 (yesterday) link

i kind of wanted ella to win the whole thing so i'm miffed

wonder what georgina said to win tim around

imago, Thursday, 17 October 2019 22:30 (yesterday) link

I didn't really take to Ella but there wasn't anything *wrong* with her.

I'm sure it's public votes. Or is that just the last three? Struggling to remember last year.

there's going to be one more blocking before the final four? C4 have a goddamn job on their hands if they want sammie to survive it though

idk, maybe they will just rate each other to decide the winner. last time it was marks out of 5 but that was a shit method. they should have to rank again

imago, Thursday, 17 October 2019 22:54 (yesterday) link

i guess marks out of 5 was a sort of torturous integrity test but the mechanics of it were so horrid

imago, Thursday, 17 October 2019 22:54 (yesterday) link

alex and dan quoting each other's tweets nowadays though - presumably alex did something nice with the money

imago, Thursday, 17 October 2019 22:55 (yesterday) link

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