Fight Club 1910 (A Masterpiece Theatre/Merchant and Ivory Production)

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Jude Law as the lead figure, an accountant at the local child labor factory
Sean Bean as Tyler Durden III, Esq., a keeper of notes of currency and president of Durden's Soothing Soaps for the Gentler Sex
Helena Bonham-Carter as herself
Brian Blessed as Robert 'Robert' Paulson-Fanshawe-Smythe
Soundtrack overseen by Neil Hannon
Directed by Richard Curtis or Mike Leigh, depending on who lost the coin toss

---

"You are both Tyler Durden, Esq. and a slavish knave who forced your importunities on me."
"Oh, I'm sorry."
*Law looks wearily out window, sees peasants on the grass beating each other with hoes. Bean enters.*
"I say, dash it all, I must lead them up to London for the Mayhem Exposition."

"Now then, if we find some lard in the animal slaughterhouse..."

"Young Robert had bosoms of a Jezebel."

End theme is a vaudeville ragtime riff on "Where is My Mind?," as a big hook comes out and jerks Law away into the wings.

---

This was as far as Dan and I got, so please add more.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Saturday, 12 February 2005 21:28 (nineteen years ago) link

Oh, and Cutty suggested Fight! (Fight Club 1910, the Musical)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Saturday, 12 February 2005 21:33 (nineteen years ago) link

pugnacious gentlemens contingent

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Saturday, 12 February 2005 22:33 (nineteen years ago) link

http://www.thecurefanclub.com/cureFC.gif

― Aaron A., Saturday, 12 February 2005 22:51 (nineteen years ago) link

sees peasants on the grass beating each other with hoes

I came straight from ~~the~~ a "misogyny in hiphop" thread on ilm and read this all wrong.

― OleM (OleM), Saturday, 12 February 2005 22:53 (nineteen years ago) link

This died too soon.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 16:53 (nineteen years ago) link

Ye Olde Order of Fisticuffs

― Michael White (Hereward), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 17:02 (nineteen years ago) link

"What's your club, old boy?"

"The Pummel, why?"

― Michael White (Hereward), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 17:03 (nineteen years ago) link

"It was Thursday - he was wearing his cornflower-blue cravate. I hardly bothered to wear a waistcoat anymore."

― James.Cobo (jamescobo), Thursday, 24 February 2005 19:33 (nineteen years ago) link

"If you could fight anyone from history, who would you fight?"
"I would fight Bach."
"Bach?"
"There's a lot of fight in those deaf guys."

― James.Cobo (jamescobo), Thursday, 24 February 2005 19:35 (nineteen years ago) link

*bashes gaslights on a buggy with a cane*

― James.Cobo (jamescobo), Thursday, 24 February 2005 19:37 (nineteen years ago) link

"Go and study animal husbandry. And be quick about it!"

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 24 February 2005 19:38 (nineteen years ago) link

Was Bach deaf?

― Michael White (Hereward), Thursday, 24 February 2005 19:40 (nineteen years ago) link

argh, well I blew that one.

― James.Cobo (jamescobo), Thursday, 24 February 2005 20:18 (nineteen years ago) link

"I am Jack's green humour..."

― James.Cobo (jamescobo), Thursday, 24 February 2005 20:19 (nineteen years ago) link

"Worry not, dear man, that simulacrum of a penis poses no threat to you."

― Deerninja B4rim4, Plus-Tech Whizz Kid (Barima), Thursday, 24 February 2005 20:21 (nineteen years ago) link

"I'd fight Taft. Big arms, big guy - I'd wager he could do some damage."

― James.Cobo (jamescobo), Thursday, 24 February 2005 20:22 (nineteen years ago) link

"I declare, sir, we have the same portmanteau!"

― James.Cobo (jamescobo), Thursday, 24 February 2005 20:23 (nineteen years ago) link

I am having entirely too much fun with this. We should do one of these for Lost in Translation.

― James.Cobo (jamescobo), Thursday, 24 February 2005 20:27 (nineteen years ago) link

(or better yet a movie that I actually remember)

― James.Cobo (jamescobo), Thursday, 24 February 2005 20:28 (nineteen years ago) link

"Why, I've even heard of a Walloping Society as far north as Shropshire!"

― James.Cobo (jamescobo), Thursday, 24 February 2005 20:29 (nineteen years ago) link

"A fellow who attended Fisticuffs Society for the initial occasion, his hindquarters was as though composed of aspic. After a fortnight, he was as sturdy as a Euxton sessile oak."

― Jordan (Jordan), Thursday, 24 February 2005 20:39 (nineteen years ago) link

"Oh Darling, I haven't been diddle with like that since I was under the tutelage of a governess."

― jocelyn (Jocelyn), Thursday, 24 February 2005 20:45 (nineteen years ago) link

haha

― Jordan (Jordan), Thursday, 24 February 2005 20:48 (nineteen years ago) link

This is all turning out quite beautifully. More plz! Suggest other cast members too.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 24 February 2005 20:48 (nineteen years ago) link

Jonathan Rhys-Meyers as Angelface

― jocelyn (Jocelyn), Thursday, 24 February 2005 20:50 (nineteen years ago) link

Jonathan Rhys-Davies as Robert Paulsen

― Jordan (Jordan), Thursday, 24 February 2005 20:56 (nineteen years ago) link

Sir Anthony Hopkins as The Soap!

― janni (janni), Thursday, 24 February 2005 21:02 (nineteen years ago) link

Jonathan Rhys-Davies as Robert Paulsen

Read upthread damn you! That's Brian Blessed's job. ;-)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 24 February 2005 21:03 (nineteen years ago) link

"In that case, sir, I would advise against the lady ordering steak and kidney pie."

― James.Cobo (jamescobo), Thursday, 24 February 2005 21:12 (nineteen years ago) link

"Wait, you can't take both Rubella AND Scarlet Fever!"
"Fine. You can have Rubella, but you've got to let me have Brain Palpitations."

― James.Cobo (jamescobo), Thursday, 24 February 2005 21:19 (nineteen years ago) link

"It's all gone, all gone! My Chippendale footstool, the family Chagall, my manservant Godfrey - all gone!"

― James.Cobo (jamescobo), Thursday, 24 February 2005 21:21 (nineteen years ago) link

"I had sighted Marla at The Children of Ill Humours, my Diphtheria group on Thursday. Once again at Oh Providence!, my Typhoid Fever circle and again at The Raging Storm, my Cholera troupe, with whom I supped on Friday last."

― Brian Miller (Brian Miller), Thursday, 24 February 2005 21:23 (nineteen years ago) link

"Neurasthenia is your favorite too? You were trying to slip it past me!"

― Morley Timmons (Donna Brown), Thursday, 24 February 2005 21:24 (nineteen years ago) link

this is brilliant

― Gravel Puzzleworth (Gregory Henry), Thursday, 24 February 2005 21:26 (nineteen years ago) link

"Three Chimes of the Clock, Until it occurs: Krakatoa. Prithee, Would you like to self-eulogize?"

― jocelyn (Jocelyn), Thursday, 24 February 2005 21:30 (nineteen years ago) link

"Who would you fight?"
"I'd fight Gandhi. I fucking hate that guy."

― James.Cobo (jamescobo), Thursday, 24 February 2005 21:39 (nineteen years ago) link

Sir, you are uncouth. This is Fight Club 1910. You mean to say:

"Who would you spar with?"
"I would fight Gandhi. He strikes me as a reprehensible chap."

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 24 February 2005 21:44 (nineteen years ago) link

"You, sir, are not your occupation. You're not how much gold bullion you keep at the Third National Savings. You're not the buggy you drive. You're not the contents of your steamer trunk. You're not your God-forsaken breeches. You are the feces of the world, run amok in a song and dance vaudville routine!"

― Brian Miller (Brian Miller), Thursday, 24 February 2005 21:58 (nineteen years ago) link

"The blasting wagon of The Mayhem Brigade has ringed the iron footings of a dozen edifices with sacks of black gunpowder. In two minutes, the lit fuse will ignite the charges and this ward will know devastation not seen since Baron von Haussmann's realignment of Paris. I know this, because Mister Durden has made me privy to this information."

― Brian Miller (Brian Miller), Thursday, 24 February 2005 22:08 (nineteen years ago) link

"There is a sign above this establishment that says 'Louis' Tavern'. I am bedding Louis. I mean! "I am Louis". Who in the name of the devil are you?"

― Deerninja B4rim4, Plus-Tech Whizz Kid (Barima), Thursday, 24 February 2005 23:17 (nineteen years ago) link

"Do you understand me yet?"

"No, Louis, I am still not comprehending."

*CRACK*

"Now?"

"Alright, sir, alright, I - wait, I am lost."

*CRACK*

― Deerninja B4rim4, Plus-Tech Whizz Kid (Barima), Thursday, 24 February 2005 23:19 (nineteen years ago) link

This is all very "Raffles, the Gentleman Thug"

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Thursday, 24 February 2005 23:58 (nineteen years ago) link

Well yes. Join us!

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 25 February 2005 00:00 (nineteen years ago) link

"The child was simply trampled and mangled by the horse. The collapsing carriage did the rest - his painfully removed legs were found here, 20 metres from the rest of his body. Almost artistic, one might think."

― Deerninja B4rim4, Plus-Tech Whizz Kid (Barima), Friday, 25 February 2005 17:41 (nineteen years ago) link

Hahah, oh man.

"I believe that at one point you mentioned over gin and tonics that if anyone ever interferes with the Mayhem Exhibition, even yourself, good sir, that we had to fetch your testes."

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 25 February 2005 17:47 (nineteen years ago) link

If anyone needs a crib sheet.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 25 February 2005 17:47 (nineteen years ago) link

"How could Tyler not be attracted to the wanton harlot? Only the night before last, he was replacing the puppetry with his penis at a Punch and Judy show."

― Deerninja B4rim4, Plus-Tech Whizz Kid (Barima), Friday, 25 February 2005 21:29 (nineteen years ago) link

three weeks pass...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Raffles%2C_Gentleman_Thug

― Morley Timmons (Donna Brown), Saturday, 19 March 2005 16:46 (nineteen years ago) link

one month passes...

"The French letter is truly the glass slipper of our generation, it must be said."

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 18 May 2005 13:08 (eighteen years ago) link

one year passes...

B4rim4 had the best entries here, I think.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 16 January 2007 01:44 (seventeen years ago) link

this isn't as good as Tragedie of Michael Jackson, King of Pop

― If you fuck with Jimmy Mod, you call down the thunder (The Famous Jimmy Mod), Tuesday, 16 January 2007 01:46 (seventeen years ago) link

Both make me laugh, and that is enough.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 16 January 2007 01:47 (seventeen years ago) link

David Tomlinson as George Banks, a browbeaten and underpaid bank clerk.
Julie Andrews as Mary Tyler Durden, his alter ego who materialises from his subconscious will to remind him of the real value of life.
Dick Van Dyke as Helena Bonham Carter.

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Tuesday, 16 January 2007 16:39 (seventeen years ago) link

(embarassed to admit that i was young and stupid enough to swear by this book for a few fey-nihilist months)

― Hoosteen (Hoosteen), Tuesday, 16 January 2007 16:47 (seventeen years ago) link

wtf, there was a /dying tag there dammit.

― Hoosteen (Hoosteen), Tuesday, 16 January 2007 16:51 (seventeen years ago) link

one year passes...

"An exit-door procedure at 3 feet. Indeed. The illusion of not getting your cape muddy."

― Ned Raggett, Wednesday, 12 November 2008 18:10 (fifteen years ago) link

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