Playground rhymes

Do they dangle to and fro?

Can you tie them in a knot?

Can you tie them in a bow?

Can you sling 'em o'er your shoulder

Like a Continental Soldier?

Do your balls hang low?

Miss Susie had a steamboat
the steamboat had a bell
Miss Susie wen to Heaven
the steamboat went to
hello operator
please give me number nine
and if you disconnect me,
I'll paddle your
Behind the refrigerator
there was a piece of glass
Miss Susie sat upon it and broke her little
ask me no more questions
tell me no more lies
the boys are in the girls' room
pulling down their flies
Miss Susie and her boyfriend
are kissing in the
D-A-R-K
D-A-R-K
D-A-R-K
[fast] DARK, DARK, DARK

1066
The queen lost her knicks
She licked her bum
And said yum yum
It tastes like Weetabix

If all the boys ate fish and chips, (insert name) would have very greasy lips

If (insert name) lived over the road, (insert name2) would know his/her Green Cross Code

and fertilize the plants, shurely?

Up above the streets and houses
Bungle's flying high
Opens up his hairy legs
And shits in Geoffrey's eye
Paint the whole world with Bungle's shit

blimey, you'd never guess it was friday afternoon

Paint the whole world with Bungle's shit
if i had been drinking milk, it would have come straight out of my nose at this point, that doesn't even scan or *anything* it just a gratuitous swear...

Ma's out, Pa's out, let's talk rude. Pee po belly bum drawers.

We were roffling hard - BELLY? BELLY'S NOT RUDE!

See, educational and everything innit?

b/w

McDonald's is yr kind of place
They shove hamburgers in yr face
And coke right up yr nose
and french fries between yr toes
and don't forget our delicious shakes
made out of polluted lakes
McDonalds is yr kind of place
YEAHHHHHHH

I love Friday pm threads.

Our version of "Beans" changed the last two lines:
The more you fart the better you feel,
So eat those beans for every meal.

Argh, what was the rest?.. My mum was not happy when I sang this at home.

*****

Has anyone collected all of these, and their regional variants?

I'm Popeye the sailor man
I live in a garbage can
I never eat spinach 'cause it wrecks my image
I'm Popeye the sailor maaaaaaaaaan!

when Suzy was a school girl
a school girl Suzy was
and she said
Miss, Miss
I can't do this

when Suzy was a teenager
a teenager Suzy was
and she said
ooh ah
I lost my bra
I left my knickers in my boyfriends car

when Suzy was a mother
a mother Suzy was
and she said
there, there
lets brush your hair

I just remembered the "ooh ah, I lost my bra" bit, but then I googled it and found the rest. I'm sure there were even more verses...

I'm Billy the Garbage Man
I live in a garbage can
I'm poverty-stricken
And eat lots of chicken
The bones I make into a fan

The fart went rolling down the street...
Knocked a copper off his feet

The copper got out his trusty pistol...
Shot the fart from here to Bristol

Bristol Rovers playing at home...
Kicked the fart from here to Rome

Julius Caeser drinking gin...
Opened his mouth and the fart rolled in

The fart went rolling down his spine
Knocked his balls right out of line
Inky pinky parlez-vous

hi ho, hi ho, it's into school we go
with razor blades and hand grenades
hi ho, hi ho hi ho

hi ho, hi ho, it's out of school we go
with razorcuts and blown-up butts
hi ho, hi ho hi ho hi ho.

say say hey friendy,
come out and play with me,
and bring your best friends three
climb up my apple tree
slide down my rainbow
into my playroom door
& we'll be best of friends
for evermore

say say my enemy
come out and fight with me
and bring your bulldogs three
climb up my thorny tree
slide down my razorblade
into my dungeon door
and we'll be enemies
for ever more.

Say say o playmate
Come out and play with me
Bring out your LSD
Climb up our hippie tree
Slide down our beer barrell
Into the barroom floor
and we'll be happy drunks
Forever more, more, shut the door!

Surely it goes:

"the boys are in the girls' room
pulling down their
flies are in the meadow,
bees are in the park,
Miss Susie and her boyfriend..."

homophobia and product placement! What a country!

When you're sliding into first and your pants are 'bout to burst
Diarrhea...Diarrhea
When you’re climbing up a ladder and you're feelin something splatter
Diarrhea...Diarrhea
When you’re watching I Love Lucy and your butt gets kinda juicy, Diarrhea...Diarrhea
so on and so forth

When you're sliding into home and your pants are full of foam.
(Diarrhea. Diarrhea.)

...
I'm going to Kentucky
I'm going to the fair
To see a Senorita with ribbons in her hair
Oh rumble to the bottom rumble to the top
Turn around and touch the ground and don't you ever stop
Oh shake it baby shake it shake it if you can
Shake it like a milkshake
But drink it like a man!
...
He jumped without a parachute from fifty thousand feet
He jumped without a parachute from fifty thousand feet
He jumped without a parachite from fifty thousand feet
And he ain't gonna jump no more!
Glory glory what a helluva way to die (Etc.)

Sorry, I can't comprehend this sentence.

Ha! Oh boy, that's rich! Women feel ugly, but they can always have surgery!

Jesus Christ Superstar
Wears frilly knickers and a great big bra
Bra's too big
Wears a wig
That's why they call him a sexy pig

And a seasonal chestnut...

Jingle bells
Batman smells
Robin laid an egg.
The Batmobile
lost a wheel
and the Joker got away

(When Suzy was a schoolgirl
A schoolgirl Suzy was
She went Miss, Miss
I wanna do a piss
And I don't know where the toilet is)

School dinners, School dinners
Mushy peas, mushy peas
Soggy semolina, soggy semolina
Doctor quick, I feel sick
Too late, done it on the plate.

It's amazing how dire but amusing to kiddie minds these are.......

The boy next door
Got me on the floor
His daddy jumped for joy
It was a baby boy

Singing number 2 and I'm telling it to you
Singing do what daddy did to mummy to make me

Singing number 3 and he's got me on his knee
Singing do what daddy did to mummy to make me

Singing number 4 and he's got me on the floor
Singing do what daddy did to mummy to make me

Singing number 5 and... I can't remember any more. Help?

Jingle bells, Batman smells
Robin flew away
Wonder Woman lost her bosom
Flying TAA, hey!

(I'm baffled as to why her boobs fell off, but what the hey)

A Kenickie line if ever I heard one!

after farting or burping:

"pardon me for being so rude, it was not me, it was my food"

My friend Katie told me there was more to it than that, does anyone know how it continues?

"Mary had a little lamb
She thought it rather silly
She chucked it up in the air
And caught it by its
Willy was a sheepdog
Running through the grass
Along came a bumble bee
And stung him up the
Ask no questions
Tell no lies
Have you seen a Chinaman
Doing up his
Flies are a nuisance
Bugs are worse
That is the end of my little verse"

and let's not forget the seasonal:

"We three kings of Orient are
One in a taxi, one in a car
One on a scooter, tooting his hooter
And smoking a big cigar
Oh, star of wonder, star of light
Batman caught his pants alight"

"It may be rather funny, but its very very runny, diarrhea, diarrhea.

I went into the shop and I heard a little plop, diarrhea, diarrhea.

It slips down your leg like a hard boiled egg, diarrhea, diarrhea."

...there was some debate at my school as to whether the egg was hard or soft boiled.

Yum yum bubblegum
Stick it up yer mother's bum
If it sticks
Pull her Twix
And out comes a Weetabix

I always assumed Twix was a euphemistic expression meaning boobies but am not sure why (because there's two of them??)

"My eyes have seen the glory of the burning of the school
We have tortured every teacher
We have broken every rule
We have shot the secretary and we hung the principal
Our troops keep marching on

Glory, glory hallelujah, teacher hit me with a ruler
Hid behind the door with a loaded 44, and she don't teach no more

or

Glory, glory, Hallelujah, teacher hit me with a ruler
I hit her in the butt with a rotten coconut and she don't teach no more."

"On top of spaghetti, all covered with mud
I shot my poor teacher with a .44 slug
I shot her with pleasure, I shot her with pride
I could hardly have missed her, she's 40 feet wide!
I went to her funeral, I went to her grave
I didn't throw flowers, I threw hand grenades!"

These could probably get you expelled these days.

we four beatles of liverpool are
one in a taxi, one in a car
one on a scooter, blowing his scooter
following ringo starr (do you see what they've done there)

another version where the three kings are from leicester square and are selling knickers tuppence a pair, but i can't remember how the rest goes.

also:
we are the lads from the durex mob
and you'll never put a better bit of rubber on your knob
it goes in pink
and it comes out white
and you stick it up your wife in the morning
(to the tune of the country life advert, obv.)

This land is my land
This land's not your land
I got a shotgun
And you don't got one
I'll blow your head off
If you don't get off
Sign says private property.

Barbie doll, Barbie doll,
Tried to save his life.
But G.I. Joe and Mighty Moe,
Stabbed her with a knife

AND we had more to glory, glory...

Glory, glory, Hallelujah, teacher hit me with a ruler
Hit her in the butt with a rotten coconut, she ain't my teacher no more.

Six weeks later, floating down the Delaware, chewing on her underwear, couldn't afford another pair.

Six weeks later, eaten by a polar bear, poor old polar bear died.

Out stepped a monkey from the coconut grove
He was a cool motherfucker, you could tell by his clothes

He wore a top silk hat with a two-button stitch,
He was a cock sucking mother fucking son of a bitch

He walked into town with his dick in his hands,
yelling, "Hey everybody I'm a Peabody man"

Then he lined a hundred women up against wall,
then "Damn," he swore, "I can fuck them all."

So he fucked 98 until his dick turned blue
and he took a shot of whiskey and he fucked the other two

When he died on his tombstone they wrote in green
"Lies under here's a human fucking machine."

I'm Popeye the sailor man
I live in a frying pan
I turned on the heater
And burned off my weiner
I'm Popeye the sailor man (toot toot)

a few of us that decided we didn't like church much, esp the contemporary service, used to also enjoy

my cock
is an awesome cock
it reigns
and it's long as my sock
i'm glad
we had this talk
my cock is an awesome cock

fuck a duck,
screw a pigeon,
go to hell,
get religion.

we are the st john's boys
we make a lot of noise
we wear our socks to our knees
(toasted cheese)

we drink the buckfast wine
we drink it all the time
we are the st john's boys

(we were like 10, we did not drink buckfast wine all the time, though later we would)

when i was young
i had no sense
i bought a flute
for 50 pence

the only tune
that i could play
was fuck the queen
and the UDA

In Canada in the 90s:

We're Tiny
We're Toony
We cant afford a loonie
Cause Brian Mulroney
invented GST!

lol

Old Macdonald sittin' on a fence
Screwin' his balls with a monkey wrench
The wrench got hot and he burnt his balls
and he peed all over his overalls
(to the tune of Turkey in the Straw)
--wags in my grade school