I need a brilliant excuse to get out of a nightmarish evening

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My work Christmas party is coming up very soon. This year, we've decided to include partners for the first time. D'oh!

To cut a long story short, there's no way I can afford to mix my work and home life in this way, so I need a cunning plan to get out of going. Does anyone have any suggestions?

"Help me ILE, you are my only hope..."

― Nom, Monday, 1 November 2004 15:05 (nineteen years ago) link

Not until you tell us why this would be such a bad idea!

― PinXorchiXoR (Pinkpanther), Monday, 1 November 2004 15:07 (nineteen years ago) link

our office manager had a heart attack at last year's party and left in an ambulance. maybe you could fake that?

― colette (a2lette), Monday, 1 November 2004 15:07 (nineteen years ago) link

tell them your partner's work are having their do on the same night and they've also allowed their employees partners to attend and you already agreed to do that.

― Freelance Hiveminder (blueski), Monday, 1 November 2004 15:08 (nineteen years ago) link

Does your significant other not know you have a job?

― Huk-L, Monday, 1 November 2004 15:08 (nineteen years ago) link

Free food and free booze?

― Dadaismus (Dada), Monday, 1 November 2004 15:08 (nineteen years ago) link

"My imam has advised me that celebrating Christmas goes against the Q'uran."

― Huk-L, Monday, 1 November 2004 15:10 (nineteen years ago) link

Stevem's advice the best; there's no way they can check.

― suzy (suzy), Monday, 1 November 2004 15:11 (nineteen years ago) link

sadly i cannot take the credit, but can't remember who the credit should go to right now so accept the award in their honour.

― Freelance Hiveminder (blueski), Monday, 1 November 2004 15:13 (nineteen years ago) link

You know full well that was MY idea.

(Incidentally Steve check yer Gmail, you are a wanted man)

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Monday, 1 November 2004 15:15 (nineteen years ago) link

LET INDEPENDANT NOM LIVE! DON'T SUFFOCATE INDEPENDANT NOM!

― David R. (popshots75`), Monday, 1 November 2004 15:15 (nineteen years ago) link

Does your significant other not know you have a job?

just not the work place secret lover..

― ken c (ken c), Monday, 1 November 2004 15:15 (nineteen years ago) link

i believe it was discussed with regard to mr porkpie. it sounds like an emm4 suggestion to me though. (xpost, oops sorry matt)

(also, YOU HAVEN'T FOGOTTEN ABOUT THEATRE TONIGHT HAVE YOU?)

― CarsmileSteve (CarsmileSteve), Monday, 1 November 2004 15:17 (nineteen years ago) link

Go in disguise.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Monday, 1 November 2004 15:17 (nineteen years ago) link

Okay, maaaaybe that might not work.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Monday, 1 November 2004 15:17 (nineteen years ago) link

Stick a pencil up each nostril and some pants on your head and say you've gone mad. Worked every time in the Sudan.

― Wooden (Wooden), Monday, 1 November 2004 15:19 (nineteen years ago) link

If there's free food and free booze can I go in your place?

― Dadaismus (Dada), Monday, 1 November 2004 15:19 (nineteen years ago) link

just go without the partner and make an excuse for why they are not there instead.
no? happens all the time at my place.

best movie excuse ever :
"sorry i'm late, but there was...this..real big problem, and i'm late because of it..."

― piscesboy, Monday, 1 November 2004 15:29 (nineteen years ago) link

that was from THE SURE THING i meant 2 say.

― piscesboy, Monday, 1 November 2004 16:05 (nineteen years ago) link

There is almost nothing that cannot be avoided by faking illness.

― Laura E (laurae55), Monday, 1 November 2004 16:05 (nineteen years ago) link

alternatively, sell the invite on ebay.

― CarsmileSteve (CarsmileSteve), Monday, 1 November 2004 16:06 (nineteen years ago) link

Stevem OTMFM.

― luna (luna.c), Monday, 1 November 2004 17:28 (nineteen years ago) link

I have just remembered a great moment years ago when one friend decided he didn't want to go to a social event. He told another friend to make up some excuse for him. He heard afterwards that the excuse was that he had made D@1sy W@ugh pregnant and had to go to ask her father, @uber0n W@ugh for her hand in marriage that day. It seemed to be believed for some time by some of the people who heard it.

You could try that.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Monday, 1 November 2004 18:40 (nineteen years ago) link

Take leave, and pretend you are going on holiday. Or better still, go on holiday.

Do you have to go to a Xmas party? I myself would probably just not go.

― jel -- (jel), Monday, 1 November 2004 18:44 (nineteen years ago) link

Thanks for the suggestions. I'm serious - there's no way I can go to this thing, either with or without my other half.

It's too late to use the 'other plans' excuse - they know I'm available. Surely 'illness' is just too transparent? Help!!!

― Nom, Monday, 1 November 2004 21:03 (nineteen years ago) link

just say you can't go and don't give an excuse.

― Ronan (Ronan), Monday, 1 November 2004 21:06 (nineteen years ago) link

say it's private or a long story, or something.

― Ronan (Ronan), Monday, 1 November 2004 21:07 (nineteen years ago) link

Just tell them you have to go to "The Clinic". Nobody ever asks after that.

― Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Monday, 1 November 2004 21:08 (nineteen years ago) link

I want to know why theres no way you can go, now! I mean "because it will suck" would make sense but Ive a feeling there is more to it...

― Trayce (trayce), Tuesday, 2 November 2004 01:08 (nineteen years ago) link

If you don't want to go to something, just say "I SHIT THE BED." Walk away. Leave it alone. No one's gonna touch that.

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Tuesday, 2 November 2004 01:46 (nineteen years ago) link

Clearly you have never worked with repressed roleplayer nerd programmers, then.

― Trayce (trayce), Tuesday, 2 November 2004 02:01 (nineteen years ago) link

Trust me, there's a very good reason: the evening will be painful.

How close to the actual event should I 'fall down some stairs'? An hour, a day, three days?

― Nom, Wednesday, 3 November 2004 14:33 (nineteen years ago) link

wait. what the fuck? you cant get out of a CHRISTMAS party? its november 3rd. when is this party?

― peter smith (plsmith), Wednesday, 3 November 2004 14:38 (nineteen years ago) link

Can't you just go on your own? They know you're available, but they can't know (or even ask) about your SO's schedule.

(so, own up - did you boff the boss over the photocopier last Xmas party?)

― Markelby (Mark C), Wednesday, 3 November 2004 14:51 (nineteen years ago) link

I haven't done anything that I shouldn't have, and I could go it alone - it's just that I'd infinitely rather not.

How could I use my SO for an excuse? They don't want to go anyway...

― Nom, Wednesday, 3 November 2004 15:19 (nineteen years ago) link

It's quite simple. Say "I'm not coming". Period. End of story. next?

― mouse (mouse), Wednesday, 3 November 2004 16:29 (nineteen years ago) link

How about:
You: "I'm sorry, something's come up and it looks like I can't make it to the party."
Them: "BUT WHY OH WHY NOT GOD WHY NOT!!!"*
You: "I'm sorry to disappoint everyone, but I just can't make it."
You: walk away.

*sorry, but this is how I imagine your office reacting. Why is it so imperative that you go?

― sgs (sgs), Wednesday, 3 November 2004 18:29 (nineteen years ago) link

Clearly Nom Deplume is actually SANTA.

― Tep (ktepi), Wednesday, 3 November 2004 18:31 (nineteen years ago) link

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