The thread for everything golf-related

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Plus-fours. Niblicks. Gutta-percha. Cardigans. Sheep wandering onto the links. Double eagles. Sand wedges.

Golf is a sub-culture of the middling, a way of life, a staple of the comics, and a subject rarely entertained on ILE. But, c'mon folks! The name of this forum is I Love Everything, right???

So here it is, ILE's very own golfer ghetto. Get cracking.

Aimless (Aimless), Monday, 4 October 2004 22:05 (sixteen years ago) link

Bourgeoise bastards!

Tuomas (Tuomas), Monday, 4 October 2004 22:08 (sixteen years ago) link

(Sorry.)

Tuomas (Tuomas), Monday, 4 October 2004 22:08 (sixteen years ago) link

(Just venting my working-class anger.)

Tuomas (Tuomas), Monday, 4 October 2004 22:09 (sixteen years ago) link

Being kindasorta golffully challenged, I do wanna kno whether that Tiger Woods fella is really as superb as so many (used to?) say he is?

t\'\'t (t\'\'t), Monday, 4 October 2004 22:11 (sixteen years ago) link

xpost

Tuomas, may I suggest a 9 iron? It's only a short distance and should try to lay the ball up close to the front apron of your rage, where you'll have plenty of green to work with.

Aimless (Aimless), Monday, 4 October 2004 22:13 (sixteen years ago) link

I love miniature golf though.

Tuomas (Tuomas), Monday, 4 October 2004 22:14 (sixteen years ago) link

Nick Faldo was on Breakfast TV. His autobiography is out and he wants to be the next Ryder Cup captain.

Ally C (Ally C), Monday, 4 October 2004 22:17 (sixteen years ago) link

Fancy that.

Aimless (Aimless), Monday, 4 October 2004 22:24 (sixteen years ago) link

Tiger Woods is indeed superb, in a club-swinging, cap-wearing, chubby-cheeked, fairway-sauntering sort of way. Just don't get him mad.

Aimless (Aimless), Monday, 4 October 2004 22:26 (sixteen years ago) link

My new mission.

Ally C (Ally C), Monday, 4 October 2004 22:27 (sixteen years ago) link

"fashizzle. I always wanted to say that."

hstencil (hstencil), Monday, 4 October 2004 22:27 (sixteen years ago) link

Just don't get him mad.

What'd 'appen then??

t\'\'t (t\'\'t), Monday, 4 October 2004 22:28 (sixteen years ago) link

Ever get a glim at those teeth of his?

Aimless (Aimless), Monday, 4 October 2004 22:29 (sixteen years ago) link

He'll bite??

t\'\'t (t\'\'t), Monday, 4 October 2004 22:30 (sixteen years ago) link

i always thought that golf is what you took up when you could no longer obtain an erection

the surface noise (slight return) (electricsound), Monday, 4 October 2004 22:32 (sixteen years ago) link

He's the Mike Tyson of the double-knit set.

Aimless (Aimless), Monday, 4 October 2004 22:32 (sixteen years ago) link

I was wondering if Ronan could elaborate on the golf-raver aesthetic.

Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Monday, 4 October 2004 22:35 (sixteen years ago) link

jim, that may have been true at one time, but now there is Viagra and penis enlargement available via email, so the once iron-bound connection has been severed, once and for all.

Aimless (Aimless), Monday, 4 October 2004 22:38 (sixteen years ago) link

Tiger Woods crying like a bitch when he loses is classic. Also John Daly is king.

adam (adam), Monday, 4 October 2004 22:54 (sixteen years ago) link

i always thought that golf is what you took up when you could no longer obtain an erection

My thoughts, too. Either that or when you can no longer (or never could) do any of the other more physically-demanding sports. I figure I'll take up golf when my knees and the rest of my body go to hell. In the meantime, there are many other sports that are more fun and less expensive.

oops (Oops), Monday, 4 October 2004 22:58 (sixteen years ago) link

Or, if the expense of golf is more than you can bear in your dotage, there is always dressing in nappies and getting spanked.

Aimless (Aimless), Monday, 4 October 2004 23:08 (sixteen years ago) link

five months pass...
I play every few weeks at Dyker Beach in NYC, ilxors are welcome to join. First round of the year is scheduled for tomorrow despite the rain.

57 7th (calstars), Friday, 1 April 2005 14:15 (fifteen years ago) link

I want to start playing again this summer. Between footie, cycling, tennis and cricket, I intend to have the most outdoorsy (and fit-making) summer ever!

FAROG in Surrey/South London, anyone?

Markelby (Mark C), Friday, 1 April 2005 14:30 (fifteen years ago) link

three years pass...

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=YiTr7C-kaOc

Just got offed, Tuesday, 29 July 2008 22:25 (twelve years ago) link

Let's fuck in a bunker!

Just got offed, Tuesday, 29 July 2008 22:27 (twelve years ago) link

seven months pass...

how abt starting your round eagle, eagle? sean o'hair @ doral nicely done

johnny crunch, Thursday, 12 March 2009 16:28 (eleven years ago) link

five months pass...
one year passes...

seve's condition has rapidly deteriorated :(

socks & pwns may break my bwns (darraghmac), Friday, 6 May 2011 17:17 (nine years ago) link

From an online news article:

The five-times major winner has been receiving intensive treatment – and has undergone four life-saving operations – since being diagnosed with two malignant brain tumours in 2008. His condition worsened on Wednesday, at which point he was admitted to hospital

Aimless, Friday, 6 May 2011 17:53 (nine years ago) link

Very difficult to survive that. Very sad. The guy was one of my all time favorite athletes to watch. A legitimate genius.

Thraft of Cleveland (Bill Magill), Friday, 6 May 2011 18:31 (nine years ago) link

two years pass...

For eight holes on the back nine today, the game made sense. Hit every drive--almost drove a couple of par fours--every approach, every chip. (Didn't putt well--missed a short birdie, one four-putt.) I was 36 through eight holes. The 18th was a tough par five with a gorge. I should have gone 4-iron, 4-iron, 4-iron and played for a 7. But no.

Took an 11.

clemenza, Friday, 19 July 2013 23:04 (seven years ago) link

"But what about the front 9?"

Well, we don't need to talk about that.

clemenza, Friday, 19 July 2013 23:09 (seven years ago) link

one month passes...

Second hole today was a 470-yard par 5. I lost my first drive to the right--hit it well, but into the forest. Hit another one, killed it; probably 230-240, but because I flew it straight and the hole was a dogleg to the left, it played more like 260-270. Hit a hybrid-4 into the green, killed that (a club I'm hit or miss with); it bounced a couple of times onto the green and hit the flagstick. I made the three-foot putt for a par. Honest to god, though--except for the lost drive, I almost double-eagled today. (I still always fluff up a hole or two, and shot 46 for the 9.)

clemenza, Thursday, 22 August 2013 01:47 (seven years ago) link

ten months pass...

Played nine this morning. Three pars, missed a fourth when I three-putted from 25 feet. (Admittedly, one of the pars with a decent-sized one-putt.) 35 through seven, had a chance at a very good score for me, and then...10-9 finish.

I said it once before, but it bears repeating: awful, awful game.

clemenza, Thursday, 3 July 2014 16:56 (six years ago) link

I achieved near-perfect consistency in my golf game by being consistently bad. This was as a youth, when my dad would take me out with him. After many years of failing to rise to a level of mediocrity, I chose to go out golfing with him, but only to stroll alongside and chat.

Aimless, Thursday, 3 July 2014 17:29 (six years ago) link

That's the frustration with me: great shots mixed with absolute cluelessness. I never know why I hit one poorly, and I never know why I hit one well.

The strolling and chatting is always fun though. This morning's round was especially nice, as there was no one behind or ahead of us within two holes.

clemenza, Thursday, 3 July 2014 17:55 (six years ago) link

I went 42-53 today. Played with some work colleagues, the back 9 made me want to shoot myself. I'm a 22 hcp

Prince Kajuku (Bill Magill), Friday, 4 July 2014 03:43 (six years ago) link

two weeks pass...

Hitchcock at the golf course today. Walking over to the par-3 17th, there was a black bird with a touch of red sitting high in a tree. It swooped down on my friend, missed him, circled back and dive-bombed into his hat. Then it flew close over me. Obviously it was guarding a nest. When we reached the tee, I turned around and threw a golf ball back at the tree--no intention of hitting it, just wanted to, you know, send a message, like I was Bob Gibson or something. My throw was 20 feet short of the tree--I'm sure the bird got a good laugh out of that. Then it wouldn't leave us alone as we played the hole. It flew over us twice more (not as close because we held clubs up), and moved closer as we were on the green, watching us from the marsh. There were agitated geese milling about, too, adding to the fun. My friend was so unnerved, he picked up. I made bogey.

clemenza, Thursday, 24 July 2014 02:11 (six years ago) link


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