the Artie Lange appreciation thread

who dat?

ahem

chapter six: fucking making straight up decisions now, dude. as my epic comeback nears its zenith, I can't help but look back at the low times when there was no hope or light. there's an old expression that's got at me through the dark valleys and hazy cul-de-sacs of life: nut up or sack up. it means when life gets you all swirly and thought-ridden, shut it out. let the two spherical sperm factories underneath your dick take over. they don't think, they don't get confused. they churn and attack. and in moments of doubt, my default setting is always to attack, whether it be a hitter or an ump or a loved one who has stepped out of line. not everyone can achieve their dreams in this world. that's because most people have things like feelings and sentimental attachments, nagging shit that keeps them from making the tough decisions that are necessary to get to the ultimate top. unfortunately, in the rocket ship of fame there's only room for one. any added baggage will just weigh you down, hold you back from shooting for the fucking stars. blast off bitch.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=51JSNYsF5fI

i've got a lot of time to kill at work right now and i've just sat through a 78 hour "best of artie lange" compilation on youtube. it wasn't edited very well but it had the highlights and a few appearances on bubba and other shows that i hadn't heard before and i enjoyed it.

i checked out the first week of the artie lange solo show, after nick left, and i wasn't into it. nick dipaolo was a creepy racist sexist prickly presence and the obvious tension with artie, especially toward the end, made me deeply uncomfortable. but he kept things on track. the new show, without nick, i hate the way the studio looks, i find artie boring as hell, the guests are weak and he has no rapport with them. it's one thing to relisten to old stories but hearing him recycle bits i've heard a dozen times... i find it sad-- not just sad to hear him talk about doing coke and madtv for the hundredth time but... i can't fully explain it, but there's a difference, the way he retells the stories now, a different mode of storytelling, a different voice. i think the show is a disaster. that's what i want to say.

calstars, have you seen any of the show?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A8Ui3RNaFWY

dana :((((

this fuckin chaunce hayden guy. this fuckin interview.

I am revisiting the second Fight Week from a couple of years back, has the great 'you're not my bro' Stern v Artie blow-up

I think the problem is that artie is probably the world's best ed mcmahon, but he's no Johnny or Howard.

I saw a 15 min clip of the new show (who's the guy co-hosting?) and it was snoozesville. As long as Howard is still on, I'm not going to spend another >10 hours per week listening to Artie.

i just listened to the bro fight again last night, too. i always felt artie was completely justified in being insulted by the whole bit.

i mean, this was some fucking girl bob levy found on the internet with a supposed fat fetish. hearing robin intentionally returning to the conversation over and over to stir things up is distasteful.

"bob levy is basically jeffrey dahmer, if he read a joke book. and, you know, that sounds a little harsh but i love the guy. and, uh, he gets out there on the internet and stalks these women and throws out this web of... deceit and sleaziness and hair dye and bad coke, whiskey beer breath, and cheap fuckin target shirts and coupons for sizzlers two-for-one steak on a wednesday, forty thousand dollar house just outside of philly, which somehow has a built-in pool [gary: it came with the house], have no idea what the fuck that looks like... uhhhh... his poor child who's being raised by a father who's just not there and a mother who hates being with the father... the father's in the basement, it's damp, clearly doesn't have the proper heat or air conditioning, somehow he gets over to this disgusting, jizz-drenched, stinky, whiskey-sodden computer board and types out, 'who's out there? who's out there in fuckin virgin creep land that i can try to fuck with my web of grossness?' and eventually he gets some takers, some poor women who have a background that's clearly, uh... troubling... this girl has father issues, her father is some mad irish drunk and uh [gary: we don't know that] she has dyed black hair...."

lol, classic rant

gary such a moron

"it's damp"

the bro fight was so entertaining because it was a great example of when staff break through the sycophantic bubble around Howard. Fred and Robin would never do something like that now, they're too dependent on Howard's good graces for their retirement funds.

which makes the show less interesting

robin is such an important part of the show and i'll always defend her when criticisms beyond "she's a cunt" or "she just parrots what howard says" come up. but man oh man the way she treated artie during the bro fight and during that time period was greasy. despite howard claiming to have teared up during the argument, artie was hitting him with hard reality and he could only retreat behind "yeah, it was a bit but hey, i thought you might really like her."

as much as sadsack artie means to me, i've always liked him getting out the poison in venemous sprees of ballbusting. i find it easier to say i like it when he goes up against worthy targets, who can hit back in some way, even if they're hacks like levy or sal or dice. but it's still enjoyable to see him unleashing on guys like high pitch mike.

You can really hear Howard reaching to make a memorable bit out of the whole sitch, constantly returning to 'how dare you call me a jerk, no more hookups for you' which is of course fine by Artie, I had a look on YouTube and was kinda shocked at the state of him (Artie), that must have been when he was at his largest, he's like a big somnambulant balloon. is this The Stern Show at it's ugliest?

when i go back to a lot of the artie incidents, i have a lot less sympathy for the key players. when he offers subutex to the homeless kid, the way that howard and robin alternate between sympathy and relentlessly dragging the story out of him-- maybe it's because i know what came next, the facts behind his fucked up life at the time have come out, and he later talked about his discomfort with the reaction, for example, the series of "artie's on heroin" songs that came out immediately after... it's an uncomfortable experience to revisit those episodes.

I have a feeling that when it's all over there might be a torrent of embittered books and articles from the key players, and probably the periphery.

artie loves pancakes
he eats them up with chocolate cakes
he's gaining so much goddamned weight
cause artie loves pancakes

http://youtu.be/w21T5eLN1T8

The new WTF podcast with Maron is excellent. This man has some stories.

Someone on SFN said they were the same old stories

http://blogs.wsj.com/dailyfix/2014/03/23/kentucky-derby-watch-chitu-we-miss-artie-emerge-as-contenders/

now I have a horse to bet on

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/BlSVo1cCYAEHruQ.jpg

Oh shit. What happened?

Diabetic shock whilst on tour apparently.

hmm

He's so lost, wish he was a happier dude.

back on the show after two weeks (one scheduled vacation week): "i don't have wake up calls, i tell people i've had wake up calls... but this time it's different, this is a real wake up call."

two days into the return, he's done.

What's the story now?

Yeah did he announce something on the show?

not really.
direct tv wants out of the deal, a few months before the deal actually expires.
he's got another deal in the works, noting that his new project would allow him to swear again, advised a caller that sometimes makes prank calls to stockpile new calls.

going to sirius, i guess

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k3RefUD9PlY

"if i was a winner, i'd be home right now with a wife and a couple of kids, who were going into college, and i'd be fuckin buying them a car or something. i'm forty seven years old. i'm still in hotels, doing clubs. i'm doing radio interviews with guys i pretend to know. these guys on the radio are like, 'HEY GUESS WHAT ARTIE LANGE'S COMING UP. ARTIE LANGE'S HERE. HEY, ARTIE, DID YOU SHIT YOUR PANTS ONCE ON COCAINE? TELL US ALL ABOUT IT. WE LOVE YA. YEAH, HE TOLD THAT STORY ONCE...' on a radio show that doesn't exist anymore. and uh... you know, radio doesn't exist anymore. radio doesn't exist anymore. that's how big howard was. ... it's over. and if i wasn't a heroin addict that spent all my money on drugs, i wouldn't have to do this shit. but here i am, begging you to subscribe to some podcast. who the fuck even knows what this is?"

lol

i dvrd artie live at gotham he told a outraged at justin bieber on the cover a the rolling stone w/ hot ready & legal descriptors into a jerry sandusky joke and i deleted the show immed

goddamn, the recent episodes. relapsed in a dark room at the marriott pittsburgh renaissance, back on the show with his voice shredded, his submissive producer giggling at a half hour long nixon impression. his mother calls and he picks up, she seems surprised to learn that he's still doing his show and asks if he's gone to the doctor.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Cjh9SaSGso&feature=youtu.be&t=4m58s

baby gorilla talking about his new show

trying again: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Cjh9SaSGso&feature=youtu.be&t=4m58s

http://newyork.cbslocal.com/video/category/interviews/3543744-22-minutes-with-artie-lange/

http://i.imgur.com/nppRznk.jpg

"I make out with Gina Gershon"

http://i.imgur.com/7yhFUg2.jpg

"Oh"

"bob levy is basically jeffrey dahmer, if he read a joke book. and, you know, that sounds a little harsh but i love the guy. and, uh, he gets out there on the internet and stalks these women and throws out this web of... deceit and sleaziness and hair dye and bad coke, whiskey beer breath, and cheap fuckin target shirts and coupons for sizzlers two-for-one steak on a wednesday, forty thousand dollar house just outside of philly, which somehow has a built-in pool [gary: it came with the house], have no idea what the fuck that looks like... uhhhh... his poor child who's being raised by a father who's just not there and a mother who hates being with the father... the father's in the basement, it's damp, clearly doesn't have the proper heat or air conditioning, somehow he gets over to this disgusting, jizz-drenched, stinky, whiskey-sodden computer board and types out, 'who's out there? who's out there in fuckin virgin creep land that i can try to fuck with my web of grossness?' and eventually he gets some takers, some poor women who have a background that's clearly, uh... troubling... this girl has father issues, her father is some mad irish drunk and uh [gary: we don't know that] she has dyed black hair...."

― dylannn, Monday, May 20, 2013 2:11 PM (three years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Artie is good on "Crashing" the new HBO show

"Baskin Robbins called. They said they're down to only 5 flavors. "

Hey I got a quick message for u Ang. U ain’t the man. U run for the man. I fear nothing. pic.twitter.com/Sdn4BgSQzz

— Artie Lange (@artiequitter) December 9, 2017

Thread bump made me nervous

that is really sad