the Artie Lange appreciation thread

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FI-YAH!!!

57 7th (calstars), Monday, 23 August 2004 23:08 (fifteen years ago) link

The jazz critic? I love his liner notes.

Monetizing Eyeballs (diamond), Monday, 23 August 2004 23:12 (fifteen years ago) link

http://www.zboneman.com/movies/images/dirty-work.jpg

dean? (deangulberry), Monday, 23 August 2004 23:14 (fifteen years ago) link

I like Artie quite a bit, I hope he finds happiness.

Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Monday, 23 August 2004 23:16 (fifteen years ago) link

(cursing in italian)

cutty (mcutt), Monday, 23 August 2004 23:16 (fifteen years ago) link

(cursing in new jersey)

cutty (mcutt), Monday, 23 August 2004 23:17 (fifteen years ago) link

http://www.wdp-drugs.co.uk/image/cocaine.jpg

cutty (mcutt), Monday, 23 August 2004 23:17 (fifteen years ago) link

ihttp://www.thesmokinggun.com/graphics/art/artielange1.gif

cutty (mcutt), Monday, 23 August 2004 23:21 (fifteen years ago) link

http://images.ibsys.com/2002/0910/1658278.jpg

Harold Media (kenan), Monday, 23 August 2004 23:21 (fifteen years ago) link

http://www.artielangedeathwatch.com/

Harold Media (kenan), Monday, 23 August 2004 23:22 (fifteen years ago) link

http://www.winekits.us/images/Capicola.JPG

cutty (mcutt), Monday, 23 August 2004 23:23 (fifteen years ago) link

here's a link to the whole smoking gun article:

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/artielange1.html

cutty (mcutt), Monday, 23 August 2004 23:25 (fifteen years ago) link

he fucking sucks. the fact that he has a well-paying job and I have no job is as good a proof as any that there is no god.

oops (Oops), Monday, 23 August 2004 23:31 (fifteen years ago) link

The story that's come up a few times about him leaving the MAD TV set in full pig prosthetics/make-up to do a bunch of cocaine and then passing out in a random house is hilarious and amazing.

Softly Weeping at the Oki Dog (Ben Boyer), Monday, 23 August 2004 23:46 (fifteen years ago) link

He does suck. He's very not funny.

mcd (mcd), Monday, 23 August 2004 23:54 (fifteen years ago) link

He's grebt and way less annoying than Jackie the Jokeman was.

Aaron W (Aaron W), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 00:01 (fifteen years ago) link

I think I feel a slight itch.. nah, it was nothing.

Cheek0 (Cheek0), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 03:15 (fifteen years ago) link

one month passes...
So is he an alcoholic who's going to die before 40 (he already looks about 45)?

57 7th (calstars), Thursday, 30 September 2004 20:37 (fifteen years ago) link

Is there really a noticeable difference between 40 and 45?

why do old people and old users of ILX such bastardos (deangulberry), Thursday, 30 September 2004 20:44 (fifteen years ago) link

I take it this isn't about the composer?

sundar subramanian (sundar), Friday, 1 October 2004 03:49 (fifteen years ago) link

(Conductor, I meant.)

sundar subramanian (sundar), Friday, 1 October 2004 03:49 (fifteen years ago) link

four weeks pass...
http://la75.com/jpg/artie03.jpg

57 7th (calstars), Friday, 29 October 2004 23:25 (fifteen years ago) link

I just found out who this is.

sundar subramanian (sundar), Friday, 29 October 2004 23:43 (fifteen years ago) link

three weeks pass...
http://www.la75.com/jpg/artie-eating.jpg

57 7th (calstars), Friday, 19 November 2004 04:49 (fifteen years ago) link

six months pass...
:( artie is missing. this is sad.

charleston charge (chaki), Friday, 10 June 2005 09:12 (fourteen years ago) link

Is that true? I haven't heard him on Howard the last few days. I thought he was shooting that movie or something.

billstevejim (billstevejim), Friday, 10 June 2005 22:33 (fourteen years ago) link

from howardstern.com today:

"Howard spoke to the elusive Artie Lange yesterday. He said Artie is fine and planning on returning on Monday. Howard mentioned something about Artie's stomach not feeling well but said it's up to Artie whether or not to tell the full story on the air on Monday. Howard did say that Artie was feeling pretty embarrassed at this point and knows everyone has been goofing on him. But he sounded good and promised he'd be back after the weekend. Howard also suggested that Artie see a shrink but Artie didn't sound like he really wanted to."

Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Friday, 10 June 2005 23:03 (fourteen years ago) link

I was glad that Howard called him. Isolation, especially with someone with an addictive personality like Artie, can be really horrible.

On the bass, 57 7th, he wrote this (calstars), Friday, 10 June 2005 23:29 (fourteen years ago) link

how long has he been missing?

something about a tarantula coming out of a coconut (deangulberry), Friday, 10 June 2005 23:31 (fourteen years ago) link

week or so

oops (Oops), Friday, 10 June 2005 23:32 (fourteen years ago) link

i was harsh on him upthread, but i think he's generally a good guy. and anyone else they could get to do the show would most likely be worse. !don't listen all that often, though.)

oops (Oops), Friday, 10 June 2005 23:34 (fourteen years ago) link

i listen a lot and artie is great i think. he's not so much FUNNY haha as just really likeable.

ryan (ryan), Friday, 10 June 2005 23:39 (fourteen years ago) link

i was harsh on him upthread

yeah, something to the effect of there being no god.

cutty (mcutt), Friday, 10 June 2005 23:40 (fourteen years ago) link

Ironically he's funniest when he's laughing about his addictions.

Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Friday, 10 June 2005 23:41 (fourteen years ago) link

that story about scoring coke in the pig suit while working on mad tv

charleston charge (chaki), Friday, 10 June 2005 23:58 (fourteen years ago) link

His best impromptu chime-ins are usually jokes about drugs or music. The show truly hasn't been the same the last few days.

billstevejim (billstevejim), Saturday, 11 June 2005 05:14 (fourteen years ago) link

http://www.voodoovenue.com/images/bf1.jpg

hada, Tuesday, 14 June 2005 13:09 (fourteen years ago) link

I am so happy this thread exists.

Does anyone have a transcription of his "Murderous bookie on Ash Wednesday" story?

Raymond Cummings (Raymond Cummings), Tuesday, 14 June 2005 19:50 (fourteen years ago) link

He's back!

Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Tuesday, 14 June 2005 19:58 (fourteen years ago) link

Does anyone have a transcription of his "Murderous bookie on Ash Wednesday" story?

Great story!! I rarely listen but I was lucky enough to catch this little gem. For me, Lange is definitely the Stern's show saving grace.

Will(iam), Tuesday, 14 June 2005 20:26 (fourteen years ago) link

one month passes...
I loved Don Rickles' jabs at Artie that were played last week from the movie Dirty Work: 'Well, there you are, tubby. Look at you, you baby gorilla. Baskin Robbins called. They said that they're down to only five flavors.'

And to Norm MacDonald: 'You've got a personality like a dead moth. Why don't you get a horse and go live in a cave and don't bother anybody.'

57 7th (calstars), Thursday, 28 July 2005 20:06 (fourteen years ago) link

Yeah, well the jerk store called...

Paunchy Stratego (kenan), Thursday, 28 July 2005 20:13 (fourteen years ago) link

It's weird how the whole gang loves to hate on that movie but I believe they've never seen it and every time Artie mentions a bit from the movie, they eat it up.

Dr. Glen Y. Abreu (dr g), Thursday, 28 July 2005 20:14 (fourteen years ago) link

artie freaked out yesterday, didn't he?

cutty (mcutt), Thursday, 28 July 2005 20:15 (fourteen years ago) link

I haven't heard it yet (I have an mp3 waiting for me at home though) but yeah, he said he'd only been seeing a shrink because he thought Howard wanted him to. And something else about going out to Hollywood to make movies. Rev. Bob Levy sat in today for him, but I don't think it was because of what happened yesterday.

57 7th (calstars), Thursday, 28 July 2005 20:17 (fourteen years ago) link

i think it was.

cutty (mcutt), Thursday, 28 July 2005 20:18 (fourteen years ago) link

Was it the deal with some guy who had hooked up with Artie's sister? (I was half asleep)

Dr. Glen Y. Abreu (dr g), Thursday, 28 July 2005 20:22 (fourteen years ago) link

i didnt know he was native american!

2, Thursday, 28 July 2005 20:32 (fourteen years ago) link

he had a heart infection and almost died a few months ago. this was after the arrest for possession. he must've moved onto to shooting up a while ago

flappy bird, Saturday, 9 December 2017 22:09 (one year ago) link

true rock n roll coke in his jack daniels.
but for real he seems to be clean these days and is just in very poor health (in his fifties, diabetic, former alcoholic, overweight, ruined face).

XxxxxxxXxxxxxxxxXxxxx (dylannn), Saturday, 9 December 2017 22:49 (one year ago) link

one month passes...

http://i.redd.it/ack1orvozba01.png

this guy's having a tough time.

XxxxxxxXxxxxxxxxXxxxx (dylannn), Monday, 22 January 2018 10:32 (one year ago) link

What's happening?

MaresNest, Monday, 22 January 2018 13:48 (one year ago) link

i can't keep track. he went to rehab instead of getting sentenced for possession, i think, but i guess he actually got hospitalized and went to a local rehab for a few days. and he's now re-emerged with half of his hair missing which he says was the result of being dragged by his hair while in jail... because corrupt jail guards beat him with a lead pipe and he had to cut his hair off to escape being dragged around... and he's wearing gloves because of diabetes. he's having a tough time, whatever is going on.

XxxxxxxXxxxxxxxxXxxxx (dylannn), Monday, 22 January 2018 14:02 (one year ago) link

what the fuck are those gloves?

flappy bird, Monday, 22 January 2018 17:38 (one year ago) link

those are diabetes gloves?

flappy bird, Monday, 22 January 2018 17:39 (one year ago) link

You know you’re in some deep shit when you look like that and it’s the best you’ve looked in months

calstars, Monday, 22 January 2018 17:52 (one year ago) link

It looked like his nose expanded greatly between the first two episodes of Crashing.

MaresNest, Monday, 22 January 2018 17:54 (one year ago) link

i'm not hopeful.

XxxxxxxXxxxxxxxxXxxxx (dylannn), Monday, 22 January 2018 18:26 (one year ago) link

he snorted glass... it fucked up his nose

kurt schwitterz, Monday, 22 January 2018 20:14 (one year ago) link

I don't buy that story. also that was over 2 years ago. the heart infection is pretty telling imo, I think he's moved on to shooting up. it's really sad

flappy bird, Tuesday, 23 January 2018 01:56 (one year ago) link

Rolling Artie Lange’s Having A Tough Time

... (Eazy), Tuesday, 23 January 2018 05:21 (one year ago) link

Every time this thread is bumped I expect it to be a RIP.

louise ck (milo z), Tuesday, 23 January 2018 05:29 (one year ago) link

pretty long & in depth interview up today: Artie Lange Is Not Ready to Die: ‘Fuck ’Em All’

Mandy: If you do fall off the wagon again, are you scared of fentanyl at all?

Artie: No. A real heroin addict is not scared of fentanyl. I’d do it in a heartbeat. I want strong shit.

Mandy: Have you seen the tiny amount it takes to kill you?

Artie: I don’t know what it is, but draw it back one inch. I would accept fentanyl in a heartbeat. I had a fentanyl patch on in a mental home. It was unbelievable. I’ve never ODed. I’ve had dealers say, “Jesus Christ. What the fuck.” But the nose is bad now. I could get a brain infection. If I did it, anything would go right to the brain. But again, I heard that six months ago, and I went and used an hour after.

Mandy: So I mean... you must want to die.

Artie: No, I don’t want to die. I want to be high.

Mandy: But that will eventually kill you.

Artie: I’m 50. If you would have told me in 1995, if you tried to bring up “2018,” it would be like The Jetsons. I’d be like, “What are you talking about?”

Mandy: So you’re having fun on borrowed time.

Artie: I’m playing with the house’s money. As far as I’m concerned, I’m an overachiever. A lot of money changed hands on the internet when I turned 50. I was so happy. Fuck ’em all.

Mandy: But I mean... your mom and your sister. They’re the main people who keep you from wanting to to be reckless with the house’s money, right?

Artie: Yes that’s the... that’s the worst.

Mandy: I called your mom when you were practically in a coma these last few weeks, and her voice was just so heartbroken. I don’t think she thought you were going to make it.

Artie: Yeah, you know, my father left us with nothing. I love my dad. He was my best friend. But my father was a criminal. My dad was an impulsive guy, and that’s what killed him. Just like my father, with me, there are real high highs and real low lows. Like my mother saw me at Carnegie Hall, when my book went to No. 1 on The New York Times bestseller list, and I think Obama’s was like No. 7. She has that framed. But then she’s also seen me withdrawing in jail.

god fucking dammit

flappy bird, Tuesday, 23 January 2018 18:18 (one year ago) link

Artie: No, I don’t talk to Howard. We hate each other’s guts. He can’t stand me for some reason, and I’ve learned to hate him.

flappy bird, Tuesday, 23 January 2018 18:23 (one year ago) link

Thanks for The link flappy

calstars, Tuesday, 23 January 2018 19:18 (one year ago) link

I’m in the hospital. Just got hold of a phone. Congrats Philly. The 2 best Cities for me could be Boston & Philadelphia. Pats got a bunch a rings. The loyal ppl in Brotherly Love Town. Enjoy. Don’t fuckin Kill anybody. Plus only 7 minutes til Crashing!

— Artie Lange (@artiequitter) February 5, 2018

flappy bird, Monday, 5 February 2018 18:23 (one year ago) link

nine months pass...

https://youtu.be/k7-DP-FYWqI

rehab again, levy going too

god bless ye baby gorilla

calstars, Wednesday, 7 November 2018 02:40 (one year ago) link

one month passes...

https://i.imgur.com/r1TLs2L.jpg

(•̪●) (carne asada), Friday, 14 December 2018 21:32 (eleven months ago) link

Not pictured: Hawaiian Punch and vodka in a 16 oz red plastic cup

calstars, Saturday, 15 December 2018 01:26 (eleven months ago) link

He gets to stay out of jail this time at least

(•̪●) (carne asada), Saturday, 15 December 2018 01:45 (eleven months ago) link

Wah, my nose

calstars, Saturday, 15 December 2018 02:41 (eleven months ago) link

HFS that photo is not doctored!?

Οὖτις, Saturday, 15 December 2018 02:54 (eleven months ago) link

Shakey don’t google Daniella Westbrook

sans lep (sic), Saturday, 15 December 2018 03:59 (eleven months ago) link

So brutal

flappy bird, Saturday, 15 December 2018 04:12 (eleven months ago) link

I don’t even know wtf is going on there. Cocaine dissolving pretty much all cartilage?

circa1916, Saturday, 15 December 2018 05:19 (eleven months ago) link

Or additives to it, and friction from snorting various things, yes.

sans lep (sic), Saturday, 15 December 2018 05:28 (eleven months ago) link

I mean we’ve all seen addicts at their near worst, but that’s... kind of a new thing in my experience.

circa1916, Saturday, 15 December 2018 05:45 (eleven months ago) link

circa 1916 don’t google Daniella Westbrook

sans lep (sic), Saturday, 15 December 2018 05:49 (eleven months ago) link

The "I accidentally snorted glass" story from a couple years ago I guess was true

flappy bird, Saturday, 15 December 2018 05:57 (eleven months ago) link

eight months pass...

Fall ‘19 looking like a good time for baby gorilla

Great to be home! 7 months 14 days sober but one day at a time. Lots of new stories to tell. Will announce some new tour dates on Friday. Thanks for the support. Love you all. pic.twitter.com/vkdN7gMCSI

— Artie Lange (@artiequitter) September 10, 2019

calstars, Tuesday, 10 September 2019 23:09 (two months ago) link

holy shit, good for him

devvvine, Tuesday, 10 September 2019 23:30 (two months ago) link

Yeah. Stunned.

Hoping for the best. I'd see him if he comes thru

flappy bird, Tuesday, 10 September 2019 23:56 (two months ago) link

three weeks pass...

Exactly 8 months clean and sober today guys. I love u all for giving me yet another shot. You’re my extended family. My amazing fans. One day at a time. Peace. pic.twitter.com/lopduct42B

— Artie Lange (@artiequitter) September 30, 2019

flappy bird, Tuesday, 1 October 2019 19:24 (one month ago) link

He looks like some sort of Jim Henson studio Burt Reynolds puppet with its nose pressed against a windowpane.

Maresn3st, Tuesday, 1 October 2019 19:31 (one month ago) link

two weeks pass...

I wonder if baby gorilla is at the Yankees game tonight and if he’s considering a relapse considering

calstars, Friday, 18 October 2019 02:40 (one month ago) link

it's really saying something that you can that picture and be....hey Artie's looking better

Blues Guitar Solo Heatmap (Free Download) (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Friday, 18 October 2019 02:43 (one month ago) link

right

flappy bird, Friday, 18 October 2019 03:49 (one month ago) link

Goddamn that would be so cool though if he really does make it

flappy bird, Friday, 18 October 2019 03:50 (one month ago) link

https://i.redd.it/pdrqpycdt0t31.jpg

flappy bird, Friday, 18 October 2019 03:53 (one month ago) link

Is that Lisa G?

calstars, Friday, 18 October 2019 04:22 (one month ago) link

yes

flappy bird, Friday, 18 October 2019 04:54 (one month ago) link

two weeks pass...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UjMGOaDPav8

flappy bird, Tuesday, 5 November 2019 19:47 (two weeks ago) link

always nervous about revives on this thread tbh

kanye kendrick frank kendrick frank kanye (voodoo chili), Tuesday, 5 November 2019 19:52 (two weeks ago) link

Great reunion with fat Joe
Liked hearing the Mitch stuff near the end
Harrowing tales about getting into cabs in unknown cities and trying to score

June Pointer’s Valentine’s Day Secret Admirer Note Author (calstars), Saturday, 9 November 2019 02:47 (one week ago) link

Artie makes an antipast order
https://vimeo.com/372697342

June Pointer’s Valentine’s Day Secret Admirer Note Author (calstars), Tuesday, 12 November 2019 18:42 (one week ago) link

Ham
Cheese
Salami
Pepperoni
Scungill
Suppasad
Brezzhout
Gabagool
Fresh muzzadel
Wet muzzadel
Galamad
?
Roasted pepperS
Stuffed peppers
Artichokes
‘Scarole!
Sundried tomatoes
Fresh tomatoes
Broccoli rabe

June Pointer’s Valentine’s Day Secret Admirer Note Author (calstars), Wednesday, 13 November 2019 22:53 (one week ago) link

Haha that Mitch bit is great

knowing for certain the first touch of the light will finish you (fionnland), Wednesday, 13 November 2019 23:45 (one week ago) link

? = “pignol nuts”

June Pointer’s Valentine’s Day Secret Admirer Note Author (calstars), Thursday, 14 November 2019 13:26 (one week ago) link


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