Your 'wacky' BBC news caption of the day

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Story:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/3527574.stm

Image:

http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/39910000/jpg/_39910336_bottoms.jpg

Caption:

'Keeping cool in summer has long been a problem'

Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 2 August 2004 14:21 (sixteen years ago) link

The other day they had a story on Iraq followed by the sub-heading "In other violence" as in "In other news", which had me double checking it wasn't Chris Morris who had written it.

dog latin (dog latin), Monday, 2 August 2004 14:25 (sixteen years ago) link

There is a BBC reporter named Chris Morris actually.

I remember a bbc report from a couple of years ago about Branson
and his latest baloon voyage; the Morrisism was "it floated away like some gigantic jellyfish"

de, Monday, 2 August 2004 14:35 (sixteen years ago) link

"Germans promote 'fun-loving' image"

jocelyn (Jocelyn), Monday, 2 August 2004 14:40 (sixteen years ago) link

CRACK ON THE INCREASE

the neurotic awakening of s (blueski), Monday, 2 August 2004 14:42 (sixteen years ago) link

in today's guardian sport, page 19: "Toseland mystified by unruly rear end"

Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Monday, 2 August 2004 14:59 (sixteen years ago) link

"my lense is cracked"

jel -- (jel), Monday, 2 August 2004 17:59 (sixteen years ago) link

"Lord Deadly is no longer welcome in Crawley"

William Bloody Swygart (mrswygart), Monday, 2 August 2004 22:51 (sixteen years ago) link

one year passes...
"Bollocks ref! That's NEVER a penalty! Are you fucking blind?"

Hello Sunshine (Hello Sunshine), Monday, 5 December 2005 13:37 (fourteen years ago) link

eight months pass...
Also, very disappointed that this story does not come with a picture.

Mädchen (Madchen), Tuesday, 22 August 2006 20:39 (fourteen years ago) link

one year passes...

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v384/lucyald/Watch.jpg
OK, it's not funny but I had to post it somewhere.

Madchen, Wednesday, 19 September 2007 20:38 (thirteen years ago) link

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/england/7002179.stm

Heave Ho, Wednesday, 19 September 2007 20:52 (thirteen years ago) link

Should police get more cash for migrants?

Yes, migrants need all the cash they can get

blueski, Wednesday, 19 September 2007 22:00 (thirteen years ago) link

nine months pass...

Farm ban for sheep sex arrest man
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/london/7513533.stm

Mark G, Friday, 18 July 2008 13:27 (twelve years ago) link

Police are also investigating reports that the suspect took photographs of the animals before the attacks.

snoball, Friday, 18 July 2008 13:30 (twelve years ago) link

He was bailed on the condition that he does not enter farmyards

Mark G, Friday, 18 July 2008 14:32 (twelve years ago) link

damn you mark

Herman G. Neuname, Friday, 18 July 2008 14:33 (twelve years ago) link

it was not me.

Mark G, Friday, 18 July 2008 14:33 (twelve years ago) link

on the condition that he does not enter farmyards <<< or sheep...

snoball, Friday, 18 July 2008 14:45 (twelve years ago) link

They sub all the best ones out...

Ronan, Friday, 18 July 2008 14:55 (twelve years ago) link

bailed on the condition that he takes some video next time

blueski, Friday, 18 July 2008 14:57 (twelve years ago) link

They should have locked him up, the judge was a woolly liberal.

Matt DC, Friday, 18 July 2008 15:00 (twelve years ago) link

He hired a bah-rister

snoball, Friday, 18 July 2008 15:01 (twelve years ago) link

no need to ram it home

blueski, Friday, 18 July 2008 15:02 (twelve years ago) link

He's gone on the lamb

snoball, Friday, 18 July 2008 15:02 (twelve years ago) link

"I thank ewe"
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/3/3e/Arthur_Askey.jpg

snoball, Friday, 18 July 2008 15:05 (twelve years ago) link

always had my suspicions about him.

Dingbod Kesterson, Friday, 18 July 2008 15:12 (twelve years ago) link

Mutton could be more embarrassing...

Tracer Hand, Friday, 18 July 2008 15:15 (twelve years ago) link

Redefines the phrase "sheep dip"

snoball, Friday, 18 July 2008 15:18 (twelve years ago) link

The judge was going to send him to a psychiatrist, but realised that he was a dyed-in-the-wool pervert.

snoball, Friday, 18 July 2008 15:20 (twelve years ago) link

Ewe've been bah-ed

jel --, Friday, 18 July 2008 15:25 (twelve years ago) link

The defendant tried to convince police that he was a vet, but they realised that he was spinning them a yarn...

snoball, Friday, 18 July 2008 15:26 (twelve years ago) link

WAKE UP SHEEPLE!!!1!

StanM, Friday, 18 July 2008 15:28 (twelve years ago) link

These puns have shorn all the humour from the situation. Really, they are shear agony to read.

James Mitchell, Friday, 18 July 2008 15:28 (twelve years ago) link

The man's defence lawyer tried to knit a convincing alibi, but it came unravelled in court.

snoball, Friday, 18 July 2008 15:31 (twelve years ago) link

A man was recently arrested for a similar offence in a secluded car park - the charge was sheepdogging.

snoball, Friday, 18 July 2008 15:32 (twelve years ago) link

"he was later spotted sheepishly buying a leg of lamb from his local co-op"

jel --, Friday, 18 July 2008 15:33 (twelve years ago) link

So where do you buy mint sauce flavoured lube from anyway?

Noodle Vague, Friday, 18 July 2008 15:33 (twelve years ago) link

(xpost) We are now rapidly approaching the realm of:
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/a/ae/Tworonnies.JPG
...although now thank to NV we're not...

snoball, Friday, 18 July 2008 15:34 (twelve years ago) link

(xpost) I imagine that such an item could be procured from a bah-ck alley sex shop.

snoball, Friday, 18 July 2008 15:34 (twelve years ago) link

Now you're just ovine me on.

Noodle Vague, Friday, 18 July 2008 15:35 (twelve years ago) link

You guys are scrapie the bottom of the barrel here.

NickB, Friday, 18 July 2008 15:37 (twelve years ago) link

Yeah, we should cutlet out.

Noodle Vague, Friday, 18 July 2008 15:39 (twelve years ago) link

The man had misunderstood the term "mutton busting"

snoball, Friday, 18 July 2008 15:39 (twelve years ago) link

http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/44838000/jpg/_44838426_poohsticks_getty_226.jpg
"Pooh Sticks is free"

the next grozart, Friday, 18 July 2008 15:42 (twelve years ago) link

The court ruminated for a long time before coming to a verdict.

snoball, Friday, 18 July 2008 15:44 (twelve years ago) link

You could say he was licking his chops

Tracer Hand, Friday, 18 July 2008 15:50 (twelve years ago) link

Sewer was blocked by large Pooh

A large Winnie the Pooh teddy, a bike, a fax machine, jeans and a snake were among a host of bizarre items found in Scotland's sewers last year.

an office job is as secure as a Weetabix padlock (snoball), Tuesday, 18 February 2014 19:33 (six years ago) link

five months pass...
two months pass...

Giant genitalia to be exhibited in toilets

Mark G, Sunday, 19 October 2014 23:09 (six years ago) link

That's what oh never mind

Ned Raggett, Monday, 20 October 2014 00:30 (six years ago) link

five months pass...

Why have Osborne and Balls neutered themselves?

Come on BBC, you're not even trying.

Hugh G. Wreckjoke (snoball), Thursday, 26 March 2015 18:58 (five years ago) link

three months pass...
two months pass...

Lesbos makeshift camp 'utterly miserable'

Well done everyone, etc.

more side eye than a Picasso (snoball), Tuesday, 8 September 2015 08:27 (five years ago) link

four months pass...

Stalin spies 'tested Mao's poo'

bored at work (snoball), Thursday, 28 January 2016 18:46 (four years ago) link

Rat in pub 'ran up leg and stole chip'

... like a lyric from a Fall track ca. 1980.

The Robustness of Captchas (Tom D.), Wednesday, 3 February 2016 16:33 (four years ago) link

Add a few "me"'s and it's Chas and Dave.

Mark G, Wednesday, 3 February 2016 16:45 (four years ago) link

or ub40

conrad, Wednesday, 3 February 2016 17:06 (four years ago) link

one month passes...

Debate around giant rat photo

A Fifth Beatle Dies (Tom D.), Friday, 11 March 2016 18:13 (four years ago) link

... I'm noticing a pattern here.

A Fifth Beatle Dies (Tom D.), Friday, 11 March 2016 18:14 (four years ago) link

one year passes...

Fire crew used to remove ring from penis
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-northern-ireland-39285486

well the bitter comes out better on a stolen Switch cartridge (snoball), Thursday, 16 March 2017 10:36 (three years ago) link

.. But they don't do that anymore

Mark G, Thursday, 16 March 2017 10:57 (three years ago) link

I remember when a fire crew would remove a ring from your penis in the street.

well the bitter comes out better on a stolen Switch cartridge (snoball), Thursday, 16 March 2017 11:08 (three years ago) link

aye, and the kids would dance around in the spray

Mark G, Friday, 17 March 2017 07:54 (three years ago) link

one year passes...

Budget 2018: Extra £420m to tackle potholes

Chequers Plays Pop (snoball), Sunday, 28 October 2018 11:57 (two years ago) link

now they know how many holes it takes to fill a bong

adam the (abanana), Sunday, 28 October 2018 13:03 (two years ago) link

This thread might go some way to explaining the centrality of potholes in the national weltschmerz of the UK.

Local councillors

Alma Kirby (Tom D.), Sunday, 28 October 2018 16:03 (two years ago) link

two months pass...
two weeks pass...

World War One grenade among potatoes at Hong Kong crisp factory

The bombe de terre was safely detonated on site by bomb disposal officers.

just another country (snoball), Sunday, 3 February 2019 12:22 (one year ago) link

unexploded war arms and unsafe working conditions.... great time to add a pun!

adam the (abanana), Sunday, 3 February 2019 16:36 (one year ago) link

one month passes...

Garfield phones beach mystery finally solved after 35 years

Dismembered orange plastic cats and their electronic innards have plagued Finistère for years

just another country (snoball), Thursday, 28 March 2019 19:43 (one year ago) link

one month passes...

Thatcher's puppy has roof work licked

Mark G, Friday, 24 May 2019 10:04 (one year ago) link

'Giant Christmas bauble' in Thames sparks bomb alert https://t.co/h8LkGJLiCu

— BBC News (UK) (@BBCNews) May 29, 2019

calzino, Wednesday, 29 May 2019 12:06 (one year ago) link

it wasn't labelled "acme bomb" apparently.

calzino, Wednesday, 29 May 2019 12:08 (one year ago) link

one month passes...

David Bowie to be immortalised by Barbie

The article name checks several Bowie songs, but doesn't mention the one song that actually mentions Barbie - 'Young Americans', which has the line "it ain't that Barbie doll, her heart's been broken just like you have".

just another country (snoball), Thursday, 11 July 2019 18:21 (one year ago) link

four weeks pass...

Norwich Cathedral helter skelter 'is a mistake'

Sounds like it'll be coming down fast.

just another country (snoball), Friday, 9 August 2019 21:34 (one year ago) link

would much rather appreciate the roof of an ancient stone building from a helter skelter than a wobbly tower scaffold that you have to nervously climb back down again. fuck the haters!

calzino, Friday, 9 August 2019 21:39 (one year ago) link

A+ display name

just another country (snoball), Friday, 9 August 2019 21:48 (one year ago) link

one month passes...

Man brings clown to redundancy meeting

just another country (snoball), Sunday, 15 September 2019 15:59 (one year ago) link

one month passes...

"Steven, a Christian, thinks fencing prevents knife crime"

no he doesn't..

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/av/stories-50101362/steven-a-christian-thinks-fencing-prevents-knife-crime

Mark G, Friday, 25 October 2019 11:17 (one year ago) link

Producer and Editor: Joanne Whalley

scandal!

genre: post-britpop (bizarro gazzara), Friday, 25 October 2019 11:23 (one year ago) link

three weeks pass...

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-hampshire-50486724

Alton's Christmas skiing marmot decoration sparks row

A giant ear-muff wearing marmot has sparked a mixed response in a Hampshire town after it was revealed as part of its Christmas display.

koogs, Wednesday, 20 November 2019 15:17 (eleven months ago) link

residents of southern town hate unusual newcomer shocker

The Man Who Was Thirsty (Noodle Vague), Wednesday, 20 November 2019 15:24 (eleven months ago) link

three weeks pass...

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-suffolk-50760470?ns_campaign=bbcnews&ns_source=twitter&ns_mchannel=social&ocid=socialflow_twitter

Woman, 89, granted 'big biceps' stripper care home wish

calzino, Thursday, 12 December 2019 16:44 (ten months ago) link

Her somewhat unorthodox wish was granted when the stripper, dressed as a fireman, turned up at the Glastonbury Court care home in Bury St Edmunds two weeks ago and began swinging his belt around wildly before stripping down to his underpants

'two weeks ago' is stretching the definition of 'news' imo

Receive Your Simulated Fluids Before The End of The Year! (bizarro gazzara), Thursday, 12 December 2019 16:48 (ten months ago) link

I'm missing Laura K already!

calzino, Thursday, 12 December 2019 17:07 (ten months ago) link

one month passes...

Pringles tubes burnt to crisp in M1 lorry fire

just another country (snoball), Sunday, 12 January 2020 20:27 (nine months ago) link

three weeks pass...

Wine bar occupies former gents' toilet site

Cue the "this is a toilet venue", "the beer tastes like piss", etc., etc. jokes.

Being cheap is expensive (snoball), Friday, 7 February 2020 19:40 (eight months ago) link

one month passes...

ffs BBC...

Lesbos refugee centre burns amid migrant tensions

The article itself has the much less tabloid headline Greece migrant crisis: Refugee centre ablaze as tensions rise.

Being cheap is expensive (snoball), Sunday, 8 March 2020 13:14 (seven months ago) link

five months pass...

Profile of Robert Oppenheimer, controversial father of the atomic bomb.

Storyville: The Trials of Oppenheimer. Tonight, 10.30pm, @BBCFour https://t.co/OKN48N1W0A

— BBC Four (@BBCFOUR) August 13, 2020

koogs, Friday, 14 August 2020 16:13 (two months ago) link

you can take all yer pots and pans and your atomic weapons and your famous quantum chemistry and molecular physics theories + chuck 'em all in the bin!

calzino, Friday, 14 August 2020 16:24 (two months ago) link

someone else one twitter - "i am become death, destroyer of leeds"

koogs, Friday, 14 August 2020 16:31 (two months ago) link

why would they not delete??

Li'l Brexit (Tracer Hand), Friday, 14 August 2020 17:38 (two months ago) link

one month passes...

US election: Do you need Jesus to win the White House?
(maybe because you don't trust the other two candidates?)

Being cheap is expensive (snoball), Tuesday, 6 October 2020 12:18 (three weeks ago) link


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