Just when you thought it was safe - OK CUPID PART 3: The Return of the WOO!

I became desperate enough to contact someone in a different city, lol.

I'd keep in touch if there was no spark but friendship seemed possible. I've made a few great male friends from okc (even if one did break my heart in the process hehe)

if the other person writes you again after the date, you might then mention a lack of spark or something, but i don't think it is incumbent upon you to offer that news unsolicited

often found bad news is served best in the form of a limerick

"Dear X

Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: You"

Knock Knock

Who's There?

Issa Tubad

Issa Tubad Who?

Issa Tubad Ima Not Attracted to You

lol

having been on the receiving end of a few nonresponse cold shoulders, it's no fun, but it's also the least brutal letdown imo

There once was a girl from Nantucket
Who I hope doesn't take it personally when she finds out I'm not attracted to her.

yeah non-responses suck, but it wasn't like Eharmony, where matches would end, and they'd ask the person ending it why, and it gave a list of reasons, including "I'm not attracted to this person", "physical distance is too great"...and then there was this answer "I'd rather not say".

which was funny, because it's supposed to be a polite response, but winds up being more hurtful than actually saying what it is. Like couldn't they just have had an option for "undisclosed" or let the person just outright skip the whole post-interview shit, instead of that loaded response?

that whole site was a crock, really.

lol xpost

Sometimes the person-you-liked-but-were-not-attracted-to straight up says 'so, shall we meet up again?' at the end of the date. I've tried 'yes' and then not returning calls (bad), a blunt 'no' (didn't feel so good either) and 'maybe' (cop-out and instantly translates to 'no').

in dc i see so much "i work in the intelligence community" and "i'm an IT contractor for the military" and "i'm a consultant for the pentagon" and i feel dirty continuing to read the profile

― BIG HOOS aka the denigrated boogeyman (BIG HOOS aka the steendriver), Saturday, August 3, 2013 9:52 PM (1 week ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

so what's the proper approach to this? i'm also in profession that normally sends people running away screaming. i wrote about it in a sarcastic way (to show that i'm with it) and i figured you might as well be upfront about it but now i'm not so sure

I thought u were a teacher of some sort?

Can I just, the non response thing is really kind of horrible u guys. If I go on a date with someone and nothing indicates it went bad, we had a nice time, and I then txt/email afterward saying "hey want to do that again?" and get radio silence, well... fuck you. It is just RUDE :(

is it ruder than "FUCK NO" y/n?

Just got an im from my man dyao and holy shit i thought that there'd be a more humane/efficient way to kill unwanted puppies in 2013 i mean really?

Man, and I thought "I'm a software developer" got bad responses. I could be the most erudite motherfucker and they assume I'm autistic and want to fuck cartoon characters after that.

putting their heads on stakes outside the city park is the only way to get people to spay and neuter their pets

It just seems like idk i mean i dont wanna second guess a pro but

am with trayce on response but not strongly cos i amnt in the situation and eh ive never dated someone that i wouldnt date again iirc

Didn't you start dating mrs mac an eon ago?

If that is a 'yr unqualified to comment' kinda thing i agree with it tbh but ya she is now my longest serving partner

is it ruder than "FUCK NO" y/n?

LOL this isnt a dichotomy. "You're cool and I had a nice time, but you're not what I'm looking for in a dating partner" is all you need to say. Ive had it said to me before! And now I'm actually good mates with the guy.

It actually staggers me how bad a lot of people seem to be at polite, kind honesty, for fear of hurting feelings.

Maybe I'm just a bitch lol :/

Oh and also, what darragh said, Ive never dated someone I've hated that much I just wanted to run off and say nothing. No ones been remotely that bad! I like to think I can weed out fails before it even GETS to that point.

tbh dmac, unless you are planning on ending this, every other person is someone you won't date again /pedant

won't != wouldn't tbf

fair enough

also you gotta have a go-to list just in case, learned that last time

It actually staggers me how bad a lot of people seem to be at polite, kind honesty, for fear of hurting feelings.

― It is like ganging up on Enya (Trayce), Sunday, August 11, 2013 9:39 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

otm

Trayce is otm. Last year, I was set up with a girl who seemed like a perfect match. we hit it off almost immediately, chatting via FB and text, and we decided to meet a few days later. we had a great time, went to dinner, and then made plans to have a Breaking Bad marathon a few days later. went well, she invited me to spend the night, was really excited afterwards and wanted to know when she'd see me again, etc. Next date, her demeanor is completely diff: morose, distant, vacant. Date is awkward, and when I try to set up another one, she's noncommittal.

After a day or so of that, I sent her a message saying that I liked her a bit and wanted to keep seeing her, and how did she feel ,etc. Put a lot of thought and effort into it, and the reply? "Well, we're BFFs, so we don't date. Lol."

I see via FB she went to the beach with some other dude a few days after her demeanor change and suddenly, I had it figured out, and...it stung more than if she'd just said "I met someone else. I'm sorry."

Trayce, you are super OTM. The day I learned of the possibility of honestly and politely communicating non-interest was a watershed. It was literally one specific day and it went so well that since then I've honestly gotten a little excited when a thing doesn't work out b/c, hey! I'm completely proficient at this step! and it's only ever worked out very well.

People like to know what happened yaknow? Silence may be read as "not interested" to some, but its a crapshoot - it could be anything. Why have to read minds?

One of the last girls I went on a date with before taking a break from the site gave me a very polite but firm no /w explanation when I asked her out for a second date. Downside: I was so impressed by her honesty it just made me like her more. :-/

well, the girl i *finally* met and had a great time with--after a month of rescheduling--tells me she's getting back together with her ex. "but we've had bad timing all along, i guess."

she also confessed to having an anxiety attack over coming to pick me up from the train station, which is why i waited for an hour wondering where she was; she then admitted that most of her previous last-minute reschedules had been because she'd had similar attacks as i was on my way to meet her.

so.

possible bullet dodge

yeah, even before "we're giving it another go" i'd been having "do i really want *another* highly anxious SO" thoughts.

still, disappointing in its way.

Ehhh I've not called someone back before or just dropped communication, and it's not even that I am adamantly against said person, I guess I just wasn't overly impressed or attracted to them. So I just kinda let it die. It's been done to me, and I don't mind it. It's kind of the way shit goes these days.

some gentle academic talk back and forward and then BAM with the link to a scissoring video, I admit I'm a little surprised but the decisiveness impresses me.

Sounds dreamy.

Downside: I was so impressed by her honesty it just made me like her more. :-/

Haha yes, I had a similar response to a guy I dated recently who did the same thing (sweetly, quickly and clearly). Now we're in a band together and I still have a massive crush on him and he gives SUCH good hugs... but Ive had to keep it out of my mind.

oh man

that's rough

Ah its ok. Hes adorable, but I've been able to keep in my metaphrical pants. Plus he has 2 kids so it might not have been that workable anyways.

Tell you what tho, im completely head over heels in love with his music/singing voice which REALLY DOES NOT HELP when in a band with him hah ha haa urrrgh.

Yikes, that sounds torturous, Trayce. Then again, I get a crush on basically every female musician I meet, so that kind of thing would be inevitable for me if I were in a band with girls again.

I like the idea that Trayce only has metaphorical pants. No real pants here, no sirree.

Is that good or bad, I do not know