So, you've ordered some food...but they're late...and so you call the place....

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...and they invariably say "oh, they left already. It's on the way."

Does this make anyone else as mad as it's making me right now?

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Thursday, 27 May 2004 22:45 (twenty-two years ago)

yes.

― weasel diesel (K1l14n), Thursday, 27 May 2004 22:46 (twenty-two years ago)

What did you order?

― deanomgwtf!!!p%3Fmsgid%3D4581997 (deangulberry), Thursday, 27 May 2004 22:48 (twenty-two years ago)

Nothing especially difficult -- cheeseburger deluxe.

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Thursday, 27 May 2004 22:48 (twenty-two years ago)

Classic if he's late because his bicycle got hit by a bus.

― stockholm cindy (Jody Beth Rosen), Thursday, 27 May 2004 22:48 (twenty-two years ago)

I will accept nothing short of this variety of delivery-catastrophe.

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Thursday, 27 May 2004 22:49 (twenty-two years ago)

Oh dude sorry we fucked up the order we'll have it right on your way quick

― Kingfish Disraeli (Kingfish), Thursday, 27 May 2004 22:49 (twenty-two years ago)

You needed a cheeseburger that bad?

― deanomgwtf!!!p%3Fmsgid%3D4581997 (deangulberry), Thursday, 27 May 2004 22:50 (twenty-two years ago)

I will accept nothing short of this variety of delivery-catastrophe.

DEAR CATASTROPHE DELIVERYMAN

― stockholm cindy (Jody Beth Rosen), Thursday, 27 May 2004 22:50 (twenty-two years ago)

HIT HIM WITH A FULL CAN OF COKE WHEN HE SHOWS UP

― Gear! (Gear!), Thursday, 27 May 2004 22:52 (twenty-two years ago)

Tell him your still collecting the money when he shows up and ask him if he'll wait.

― Michael White (Hereward), Thursday, 27 May 2004 22:53 (twenty-two years ago)

This is such an NYC thread (happened to me less than a week ago)

― gabbneb (gabbneb), Thursday, 27 May 2004 22:53 (twenty-two years ago)

It's an NYC thread because there are very few other cities where one orders a cheeseburger and has it delivered.

― martin m. (mushrush), Thursday, 27 May 2004 22:54 (twenty-two years ago)

It's your own fault. You just had to order a cheeseburger deluxe. God, you're so froo-froo!

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Thursday, 27 May 2004 22:55 (twenty-two years ago)

they had to pickle the pickle

― stockholm cindy (Jody Beth Rosen), Thursday, 27 May 2004 23:20 (twenty-two years ago)

the cheese needed to mature.

― Debito (Debito), Thursday, 27 May 2004 23:25 (twenty-two years ago)

I read "place" as "police" and thought perhaps it was a bit of an over-reaction.

― nickn (nickn), Thursday, 27 May 2004 23:25 (twenty-two years ago)

Alex, at least you don't live in a coast where the default ingredient in a burger is MAYONNAISE.

― donut bitch (donut), Thursday, 27 May 2004 23:29 (twenty-two years ago)

It arrived...and was underwhelming at best. Incidentally, I should've pointed out that I'm at the office, hence my need to order a cheeseburger as opposed to grillin' one up myself, ya big gaggle of lippy smartasses.

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Thursday, 27 May 2004 23:30 (twenty-two years ago)

the guys who actually deliver the food are often such sad cases, like 60-year-old russians with phd's who can't find steady work in the states. so i never have any heart or desire to actually do anything that would jeapordize their job.

alex otm w/r/t the "oh it's on the way" excuse. ALWAYS.

― amateur!st (amateurist), Thursday, 27 May 2004 23:30 (twenty-two years ago)

in other news, i'm hungry. ALWAYS.

― amateur!st (amateurist), Thursday, 27 May 2004 23:30 (twenty-two years ago)

the guys who actually deliver the food are often such sad cases, like 60-year-old russians with phd's who can't find steady work in the states.

they probably don't even get tips 75 percent of the time.

― stockholm cindy (Jody Beth Rosen), Thursday, 27 May 2004 23:35 (twenty-two years ago)

do you know those coupons in the yellow pages that say "free delivery if you show coupon"? is that code for "if you show this coupon we will not pay the delivery guy"?

― amateur!st (amateurist), Thursday, 27 May 2004 23:39 (twenty-two years ago)

i delivered pizza for a summer once. it's not at all as great a job as it's cracked up to be.

― Ian Johnson (orion), Thursday, 27 May 2004 23:41 (twenty-two years ago)

I read "place" as "police" and thought perhaps it was a bit of an over-reaction.

Ha ha - me too!

― N. (nickdastoor), Thursday, 27 May 2004 23:42 (twenty-two years ago)

I so wish it had said 'police'. What a great idea.

― N. (nickdastoor), Thursday, 27 May 2004 23:43 (twenty-two years ago)

"hello? consumer fraud department? my nachos are FORTY MINUTES LATE."

― amateur!st (amateurist), Thursday, 27 May 2004 23:43 (twenty-two years ago)

Although, given the stuff the emergency services release every so often about frivolous calls (as opposed to deliberate hoaxes) they receive, this probably isn't so far from the truth. I heard a recording once of a woman who rang 999 because she couldn't work out which number bus she needed to get to her friend's. The operator paused and said "And you rang the emergency services to find this out?".

― N. (nickdastoor), Friday, 28 May 2004 00:01 (twenty-two years ago)

"...no wait, they're here now. but THEY'RE COLD."

― amateur!st (amateurist), Friday, 28 May 2004 00:02 (twenty-two years ago)

"It's late and...it's wrong. Can you transfer me to the sherrif immediately?"

― Allyzay, Friday, 28 May 2004 00:12 (twenty-two years ago)

I swear, I've ordered out a lot in my time and I've never, ever gotten something that was terribly late. Maybe it's the neighborhood.

I also always tip over 20%, especially when the guy has to travel in rain.

― Michael Daddino (epicharmus), Friday, 28 May 2004 00:32 (twenty-two years ago)

ugh that happens to me all the time. like the last time i ordered from mcdonalds, it came way late, and somehow, one of the beef patties from my big mac ended up outside the package laying on the bottom of the bag. and there wasnt even any evidence that it was ever IN the big-mac to begin with, like no special sauce or onions or anything on it. just the plain patty.

― phil-two (phil-two), Friday, 28 May 2004 00:39 (twenty-two years ago)

ORDERED FROM MCDONALDS?!

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Friday, 28 May 2004 00:41 (twenty-two years ago)

haha that's like . . . fuck, no comparison will do the amazing silliness of that one justice AT ALL.

― Matos W.K. (M Matos), Friday, 28 May 2004 00:43 (twenty-two years ago)

yeah mickey d's delivers here, dude.

― Allyzay, Friday, 28 May 2004 00:43 (twenty-two years ago)

popeye's for the ballers, the ghetto eatin church's

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Friday, 28 May 2004 00:44 (twenty-two years ago)

yeah, yum! i called them to complain, and they sent me a new one and two apple pies!

― phil-two (phil-two), Friday, 28 May 2004 00:44 (twenty-two years ago)

If you order from somewhere with an 'on time or free next time' policy it's never late though. Cuh.

― Fergal (Ferg), Friday, 28 May 2004 00:45 (twenty-two years ago)

we're through the looking glass here people

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Friday, 28 May 2004 00:45 (twenty-two years ago)

i'm sorry i just can't get over this delivery from mcdonalds thing

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Friday, 28 May 2004 00:48 (twenty-two years ago)

i feel like one of those man-apes tapping the thigh bone against the monolith

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Friday, 28 May 2004 00:48 (twenty-two years ago)

it's a $10/minimum so you either have to get two extra value meals, or a friend.

― phil-two (phil-two), Friday, 28 May 2004 00:50 (twenty-two years ago)

Speaking of fast food I was talking to a guy from London a couple nights back and apparently they don't have subway in the UK, he did't even know what it was. Can anyone confirm/deny?

― ipsofacto (ipsofacto), Friday, 28 May 2004 00:50 (twenty-two years ago)

haha it would be easier for me to just eat the two extra value meals

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Friday, 28 May 2004 00:51 (twenty-two years ago)

Easier than having a friend?

― Rock Hardy (Rock Hardy), Friday, 28 May 2004 00:57 (twenty-two years ago)

it's like buying gourmet toilet paper or something

― Matos W.K. (M Matos), Friday, 28 May 2004 01:01 (twenty-two years ago)

it would be useful for a scene in a remake of wall street starring joe bob briggs

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Friday, 28 May 2004 01:02 (twenty-two years ago)

there are Subway's in UK. subway suck though.. blurgh

― don (don), Friday, 28 May 2004 01:03 (twenty-two years ago)

ordering a "sub" in the UK would seem to be on the level of removing one's intestines via ballpoint pen

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Friday, 28 May 2004 01:04 (twenty-two years ago)

How strange, there's one on every corner here in Australia it seems.

― ipsofacto (ipsofacto), Friday, 28 May 2004 01:05 (twenty-two years ago)

Skipping 155 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

speaking of which, has BURGER HEAVEN appeared anywhere in the thread? That place rules!

yay burger heaven! or as my genius high school friends called it, BURGER HELL!!

― stockholm cindy (Jody Beth Rosen), Friday, 28 May 2004 16:20 (twenty-two years ago)

we had a good lunch there that one time with felicity!

― hstencil (hstencil), Friday, 28 May 2004 16:20 (twenty-two years ago)

But, whu...huh? Buh? Oh, uh...ah ha ha.

― NA (Nick A.), Friday, 28 May 2004 16:21 (twenty-two years ago)

They should just open a place called Burger Time where the chefs get themselves chased by a huge fried egg.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 28 May 2004 16:21 (twenty-two years ago)

yay! Burger Time!

― Chris 'The Velvet Bingo' V (Chris V), Friday, 28 May 2004 16:22 (twenty-two years ago)

http://mntnweb.com/oldcomputers/TI994A/Burger%20Time.gif

― NA (Nick A.), Friday, 28 May 2004 16:22 (twenty-two years ago)

the chef has no pants on.

― Chris 'The Velvet Bingo' V (Chris V), Friday, 28 May 2004 16:24 (twenty-two years ago)

like all good chefs.

― hstencil (hstencil), Friday, 28 May 2004 16:25 (twenty-two years ago)

speaking of "burger heaven," corner bistro fap anyone?

― stockholm cindy (Jody Beth Rosen), Friday, 28 May 2004 16:26 (twenty-two years ago)

I forgot about the hot dogs and pickles. I can only conclude that breakfast and Chicago dogs want his ass (thus the pantslessness). And thus the chef's pepper (spray).

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 28 May 2004 16:26 (twenty-two years ago)

he might put a Chicago hot dog in his pussy.

― hstencil (hstencil), Friday, 28 May 2004 16:27 (twenty-two years ago)

u crazy. imagine trying to get a table for 10 at corner bistro. we wait for hours.

― phil-two (phil-two), Friday, 28 May 2004 16:27 (twenty-two years ago)

when do ten people ever show up for a food fap?

― stockholm cindy (Jody Beth Rosen), Friday, 28 May 2004 16:29 (twenty-two years ago)

for corner bistro, they will.

― phil-two (phil-two), Friday, 28 May 2004 16:30 (twenty-two years ago)

i know i will.

― stockholm cindy (Jody Beth Rosen), Friday, 28 May 2004 16:31 (twenty-two years ago)

is it anything like corner bakery?

― hstencil (hstencil), Friday, 28 May 2004 16:32 (twenty-two years ago)

no vegetarians allowed.

― phil-two (phil-two), Friday, 28 May 2004 16:33 (twenty-two years ago)

damn.

― hstencil (hstencil), Friday, 28 May 2004 16:34 (twenty-two years ago)

haha i think even the beer there has lard in it.

― stockholm cindy (Jody Beth Rosen), Friday, 28 May 2004 16:36 (twenty-two years ago)

they make a pretty good grilled cheese sandwich.

― lauren (laurenp), Friday, 28 May 2004 16:37 (twenty-two years ago)

i reckon we could do an early dinner thing and the wait wouldn't be so harsh. i know phil-two's interested, so i'll start a thread and see who else is up for it. Next Friday (the 4th) would be great for me.

― stockholm cindy (Jody Beth Rosen), Friday, 28 May 2004 16:45 (twenty-two years ago)

OK, so vegetarians are allowed, I guess.

― phil-two (phil-two), Friday, 28 May 2004 16:45 (twenty-two years ago)

You're going to the Corner Bistro on a Friday???? Good luck.

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Friday, 28 May 2004 16:47 (twenty-two years ago)

That's why I said "early."

― stockholm cindy (Jody Beth Rosen), Friday, 28 May 2004 16:51 (twenty-two years ago)

But Friday may not be so good for me after all so we'll see. I started a thread.

― stockholm cindy (Jody Beth Rosen), Friday, 28 May 2004 16:52 (twenty-two years ago)

kiev diner! do they still deliver at 3 AM?

― amateur!st (amateurist), Friday, 28 May 2004 18:57 (twenty-two years ago)

Only if you order at 9.

― N. (nickdastoor), Friday, 28 May 2004 18:58 (twenty-two years ago)

lock the thread

― stockholm cindy (Jody Beth Rosen), Friday, 28 May 2004 18:59 (twenty-two years ago)

kiev diner! do they still deliver at 3 AM?

yes, but it seems to take at least an hour which at that time of night is long enough for me to pass out while watching golden girls reruns, not hear the buzzer, and wake up to many angry voicemail msgs from the irate night manager.

― lauren (laurenp), Friday, 28 May 2004 19:13 (twenty-two years ago)

borscht at 3 AM is worth waiting for.

i tried to get some food in the middle of the night recently and NOBODY will deliver in chicago past 1 AM. what is civilization coming to????

― amateur!st (amateurist), Friday, 28 May 2004 20:24 (twenty-two years ago)

This thread was great until someone mentioned Burger Heaven.

― C0L1N B3CK3TT (Colin Beckett), Saturday, 29 May 2004 02:59 (twenty-two years ago)

what's burger heaven?

― phil-two (phil-two), Saturday, 29 May 2004 03:20 (twenty-two years ago)

There's a couple of them in mid-town.

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Saturday, 29 May 2004 03:25 (twenty-two years ago)

i called the thai place i ordered from yesterday because (about 45 mins after ordering) i suddenly panicked and thought that i hadn't given them my address!

― s1ocki (slutsky), Saturday, 29 May 2004 16:17 (twenty-two years ago)

nine months pass...

...and they invariably say "oh, they left already. It's on the way."

what i always do is ask whats up with my order, and if they say "oh, they left already. It's on the way.", i say "oh shit! i wanted to add a drink to my order!!".. and if he goes "OH WAIT! WHEW HE'S RIGHT HERE, I CAUGHT HIM JUST IN TIME!! WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE", then you know that they probably haven't even put the pork on the grill yet. but then you ask for something you know they wont have, like "oh, i'll have a can of sparks" but if they say "too late, dude" - then you know its for real on the way.

― phil-two (phil-two), Friday, 25 March 2005 01:36 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm going to try that next time.

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Friday, 25 March 2005 01:42 (twenty-one years ago)

In Seattle, there's not nearly as many delivery options: basically, pizza/Italian, Thai, Chinese, and veggie food. But the service at Pagliacci -- for pizza/Italian -- is really good, almost to comical levels.

I was mixing down a recording I did of a friend's hardcore band over at my apartment.. One of them wanted pizza delivery, so we went in on two medium pizzas at Pagliacci.. one veggie, one cheese. I call them and then the woman tells me "Well, actually that's more expensive than if you get a LARGE pizza and THEN get a medium pizza for half the price.. have you checked out our weekly special?" and then we got into this big convoluted talk about what is the greatest deal for our money for a frickin' pizza order. I finally resolved the order.

My friend, now laughing, who moved here from NYC almost a year before was telling me "What's up with this whole fucked up West coast pizza delivery shtick? If you order pizza on the east coast, they just make the pizza, and you get it.. none of this special-deal here's-a-way-to-get-more-and-save-money bullshit". So we get the pizza, and we enjoy it, have beers, and that's that.

I get a call the next day from Pagliacci from someone very official sounding.

WOMAN ON PHONE: "Hello, Mr. M**D****ld, I'm a managing supervisor at Pagliacci Pizza and I just wanted to ask you a couple of questions about the order you made yesterday at one of our delivery stations."

ME: "(pause).... Um... Ok"

WOMAN: "Great! First, were you satisfied with the items that you ordered?"

ME: "Yes, we enjoyed them"

WOMAN: "Wonderful! And secondly, did you feel the service was to your satisfaction?"

ME: "(about to crack up at this point)... yeah, yeah, no problems."

WOMAN: "Thank you very much, Mr. M**D***ld, for your feedback. We here at Pagliacci take our customer feedback very seriously, and our mission is to provide you with the best possible delivery service that we possibly can. We hope you will continue to do businees with us, and if you have any complaints or concerns, feel free to contact us at any time! Great! Have a wonderful weekend, Mr. M**D***ld!"

ME: "Yeah!..(befuddled).. you, too! heh"

WOMAN: "OK, good bye!"

So, um, yeah, WEST COAST BE DIFFERENT FROM EAST COAST HAW HAW HAW

― donut debonair (donut), Friday, 25 March 2005 18:46 (twenty-one years ago)

I went through this kind of thing recently with a cab. I had to be at work at four, so I called them at two. I think that they're still en route from Geyer Springs as I type this.

― Pleasant Plains /// (Pleasant Plains ///), Friday, 25 March 2005 19:31 (twenty-one years ago)

Somehow Mee Noodle Shop on 1st Ave is able to consistently bring me my orders in 10 minutes. I've timed them and everything. It's like they know to have my noodle soup and dumplings ready just in case I call. Or maybe they exist in a Bizzaroworld of NYC food delivery.

― Aaron W (Aaron W), Friday, 25 March 2005 19:48 (twenty-one years ago)

We had to wait like 2 hours for an order we placed with Jerry's Deli awhile back. Eventually the driver shows up smeared in grease with this long story about how he got a flat and had to change it etc etc. We felt extremely sorry for him and gave him a big tip (because they knocked off about 30-50% off our order, forget how much). But it led me to think that this dude could've been easily getting high and banging his girlfriend, showed up all late and spackled himself with shoe polish and still got a bad ass tip!

― Dude, are you a 15 year old asian chick? (jingleberries), Friday, 25 March 2005 20:17 (twenty-one years ago)

mmmm Mee Noodle Shop!

― Silky Sensor (sexyDancer), Friday, 25 March 2005 20:43 (twenty-one years ago)

It seriously startles me when my buzzer rings! I mean, 10 minutes to cook and deliver my food around 12 blocks! INSANE!!

― Aaron W (Aaron W), Friday, 25 March 2005 20:52 (twenty-one years ago)

But it led me to think that this dude could've been easily getting high and banging his girlfriend, showed up all late and spackled himself with shoe polish and still got a bad ass tip!

It couldn't have been that long of a banging, since a great banging would have cost him about 5 or 6 orders with tips in the meantime.

― donut debonair (donut), Friday, 25 March 2005 21:12 (twenty-one years ago)

(Sorry, I always have to be SO logical.)

― donut debonair (donut), Friday, 25 March 2005 21:13 (twenty-one years ago)

Wok City in midtown always brings my orders in 10 minutes, which just means that they have everything precooked and sitting out.

― C0L1N B... (C0L1N B...), Friday, 25 March 2005 23:09 (twenty-one years ago)

two months pass...

Alex in NYC to be a fatty!

― Ian John50n (orion), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 01:49 (twenty-one years ago)

two years pass...

why was hstencil so angry that alex had a cheeseburger delivered to him, once, at work?

― the schef (adam schefter ha ha), Friday, 13 July 2007 18:55 (eighteen years ago)

ten years pass...

I used to have this happen w/ Jimmy John's all the time.

― Neanderthal, Tuesday, 18 July 2017 05:02 (eight years ago)

ilx's most urgent revive

― ﴿→ ☺ (Doctor Casino), Tuesday, 18 July 2017 05:04 (eight years ago)

Hey!

― jk rowling obituary thread (darraghmac), Tuesday, 18 July 2017 06:35 (eight years ago)

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