So you've met a wonderful girl through a mutual friend, and agreed to have a date. The date is thoroughly delightful - dinner at a very nice Spanish restaurant, followed by drinks at a scrappy piano bar. She's just amazing: you have so much in common, she's smart and hilarious, and absolutely gorgeous. You think to yourself throughout the night: "Where has this girl been the last three years?"
She invites you back to her awesome loft apartment, where you finish off a bottle of zinfandel. It's getting late, she invites you to stay, and you do the deed. You normally wouldn't go this far on a first date, but everything feels so right. The sex is not perfect - it's your first time together - but it's warm and affectionate, and to prove it wasn't a drunken fluke, you do it again in the morning.
She kisses you and goes off to have a shower. You lay in the bed sipping coffee and feeling complete bliss. You can hear her singing in the shower. As you reach for the TV remote, you accidently crap the bed - you're naked, and there's shit all over your ass and legs and all over both sheets, and some on the duvet cover.
She's still in the shower... what do you do now?
― andy, Friday, 6 February 2004 18:01 (fifteen years ago) Permalink
― Huckadelphia (Horace Mann), Friday, 6 February 2004 18:03 (fifteen years ago) Permalink
― TOMBOT, Friday, 6 February 2004 18:04 (fifteen years ago) Permalink
― ModJ (ModJ), Friday, 6 February 2004 18:06 (fifteen years ago) Permalink
― Begs2Differ, Friday, 6 February 2004 18:06 (fifteen years ago) Permalink
Spud opens his eyes. With his fingers, he feels crusted liquid around his mouth.
Abruptly he turns around: the bed is soaked in vomit.
He looks under the cover and drops it again in revulsion.
INT. GAIL'S BEDROOM. DAY
Spud wipes the vomit from his chest with a pillowcase, which he dumps in the middle of the sheets before gathering the whole lot up as a bundle.
INT. GAIL'S HOME, HALL/KITCHEN. DAY
The door swings open to reveal the kitchen. Gail, her Father, and Mother are seated around the table, eating breakfast. They look towards Spud, who carries the knotted bundle of sheets as he approaches the table.
GAILGood morning, Spud.
SPUDMorning, Gail. Morning, Mrs. Houston, Mr. Houston.
MOTHERMorning, Spud. Sit down and have some breakfast.
SPUDSorry about last night -
GAILIt's all right. I slept fine on the sofa.
SPUDI had a little too much to drink. I'm afraid I had a slight accident.
FATHEROh, don't worry, these things happen. It does everyone good to cut loose once in a while.
GAILThis one could do with being tied up once in a while.
MOTHERI'll put the sheets in the washing machine just now.
SPUDNo, I'll wash them. I'll take them home and bring them back.
MOTHERThere's no need.
SPUDIt's no problem.
MOTHERNo problem for me either.
MOTHERHonestly, it's no problem.
SPUDI'd really rather take care of it myself.
MOTHERSpud, they're my sheets.
She takes hold of the bundle.
Spud does not yield.
She pulls harder. Spud holds on. She tugs powerfully.
The bundle bursts open with an explosion of vomit and excrement that covers everything in the kitchen.
Only Spud remains untouched.
SPUDI guess this means I'll never get to have sex with Gail.
― gygax! (gygax!), Friday, 6 February 2004 18:08 (fifteen years ago) Permalink
― Pashmina (Pashmina), Friday, 6 February 2004 18:08 (fifteen years ago) Permalink
― nickalicious (nickalicious), Friday, 6 February 2004 18:08 (fifteen years ago) Permalink
― Bryan (Bryan), Friday, 6 February 2004 18:09 (fifteen years ago) Permalink
― kephm, Friday, 6 February 2004 18:10 (fifteen years ago) Permalink
― Bryan (Bryan), Friday, 6 February 2004 18:12 (fifteen years ago) Permalink
― obiwan, Friday, 6 February 2004 18:17 (fifteen years ago) Permalink
ever get this sharted?
― ɪmˈpəʊzɪŋ (darraghmac), Monday, 11 February 2019 02:05 (two months ago) Permalink
one expects that, providing the whole scenario was real rather than fictitious, that the mere passage of fifteen years would provide some kind of a resolution, however unsatisfactory it may have been to the parties involved.
― A is for (Aimless), Monday, 11 February 2019 02:23 (two months ago) Permalink
revive of the year
― macropuente (map), Monday, 11 February 2019 03:42 (two months ago) Permalink
If I'm roughly the same age as Alyssa Milano, is it okay for me to think she's hot on old episodes of "Who's The Boss?" Granted, she was only like 12 at the time, but I was 12 as well.― andy, Friday, January 2, 2004 9:42 AM (fifteen years ago) Bookmark
― velko, Monday, 11 February 2019 05:49 (two months ago) Permalink