I Need Kitchen Knives plus Kurt Russell is Kicking Your Ass

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Dual purpose thread involving advice on getting a set of decent, non-heirloom quality kitchen knives that will hold up to some abuse with bonus addition of Kurt Russell stills while he kicks your ass, and everybody else's to boot.

http://www.theforce.net/jedicouncil/castingcall/pics/kurt.jpg
Should I go for a 5-7 piece set with block, or buy individually as needed? I'm not looking for forged blocks of ninja steel here obviously. I just got to get this kitchen together, y'know, like functional.

TOMBOT, Tuesday, 30 December 2003 02:36 (sixteen years ago) link

This thread shows why ILX keeps getting better.

C-Man (C-Man), Tuesday, 30 December 2003 02:37 (sixteen years ago) link

That was demonstrable without your presence.

Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 30 December 2003 02:38 (sixteen years ago) link

I bought a block at IKEA and they're all still holding up fine.

Of course I never use them since nothing in my kitchen that one can use to cook food with actually works.

Allyzay, Tuesday, 30 December 2003 02:41 (sixteen years ago) link

Ned - did your parents call you that name and, if so, how can you leave the house in the morning?

C-Man (C-Man), Tuesday, 30 December 2003 02:44 (sixteen years ago) link

OK can I just say "What?" already and end the "Stereotypical Bad ILE Shit" in its tracks already? Jesus people.

Ajazay, Tuesday, 30 December 2003 02:45 (sixteen years ago) link

why?

Mr Noodles (Mr Noodles), Tuesday, 30 December 2003 02:51 (sixteen years ago) link

This is what it sounds like when doves cry.

oops (Oops), Tuesday, 30 December 2003 02:53 (sixteen years ago) link

hey c-man, why don't you go juggle meat cleavers while naked.

Eisbär (llamasfur), Tuesday, 30 December 2003 02:54 (sixteen years ago) link

http://www.pathguy.com/russell.gif
What does this have to do with cutlery?

TOMBOT, Tuesday, 30 December 2003 02:55 (sixteen years ago) link

Wot?

Captain Sensible, Tuesday, 30 December 2003 02:55 (sixteen years ago) link

Captain is making happy talk.

Mr Noodles (Mr Noodles), Tuesday, 30 December 2003 03:05 (sixteen years ago) link

I probably shouldn'tve started this thread when all the ILX chefs are off on vacation. Oh well. Continue the dicking around.

http://www.angolamuseum.org/images/6-knife.jpg

TOMBOT, Tuesday, 30 December 2003 03:07 (sixteen years ago) link

that knife is hot fucking shit!

teeny (teeny), Tuesday, 30 December 2003 03:07 (sixteen years ago) link

You shouldn't have started this thread period, have you not actually read any of the other recent threads? Insert "Think, McFly" quote here. Seriously, I mean thread starts about turkey deep frying and it becomes a thread about girly scent shit. But I already told you what I thought.

Allyzay, Tuesday, 30 December 2003 03:09 (sixteen years ago) link

You could cut a mean lemon with that.

And just buy a Henkels set.

Mr Noodles (Mr Noodles), Tuesday, 30 December 2003 03:12 (sixteen years ago) link

http://www.patriotresource.com/tombstone/graphics/cast/russell.jpg
"If yr on a budget, a whole block is a waste of fucking money. I got one 8" Heinkels for like 40 bucks; it's all anyone uses anyway, unless you're veining shrimp or some shit. Course, steak knives are always nice to have around. The fuck do I know."

g--ff (gcannon), Tuesday, 30 December 2003 03:12 (sixteen years ago) link

http://hjem.get2net.dk/twt/katana.jpg

??

haha xpost, that is the best post ever.

Allyzay, Tuesday, 30 December 2003 03:14 (sixteen years ago) link

http://ibelgique.ifrance.com/cinedestin/films/t/to/tombstone.jpg

Allyzay, Tuesday, 30 December 2003 03:15 (sixteen years ago) link

I find that a four piece self sharpening Wiltshire block with scissors fills all the basic needs and has held up for five years+. Kurt Russell never should have made that one movie where he was on that boat.

Kim (Kim), Tuesday, 30 December 2003 03:18 (sixteen years ago) link

Old Man and The Sea?

Mr Noodles (Mr Noodles), Tuesday, 30 December 2003 03:20 (sixteen years ago) link

http://www.merylstreeponline.net/tygg1.jpg
"Kim, look deep into my eyes and listen. Fuck. You. But, yeah, a sharpener is a good idea too. And if you pick up anything serrated, so help me I might have to do something that would upset Meryl and Cher here, and nobody wants that, you feel me?"

g--ff (gcannon), Tuesday, 30 December 2003 03:24 (sixteen years ago) link

http://www.rca.com/vendor/images/dvdp/26301.jpg

Kim (Kim), Tuesday, 30 December 2003 03:24 (sixteen years ago) link

that doman name fills me with fear.

Mr Noodles (Mr Noodles), Tuesday, 30 December 2003 03:25 (sixteen years ago) link

almost the same movie.

Mr Noodles (Mr Noodles), Tuesday, 30 December 2003 03:25 (sixteen years ago) link

"FUNNY!"

hahah - that poster quote rocks - I take it back!

Kim (Kim), Tuesday, 30 December 2003 03:26 (sixteen years ago) link

I must go to Cockblister and rent it now!

Mr Noodles (Mr Noodles), Tuesday, 30 December 2003 03:28 (sixteen years ago) link

I owe Mr. Cannon a drink.

TOMBOT, Tuesday, 30 December 2003 03:29 (sixteen years ago) link

Fuck both of you for making me want to watch Captain Ron, wtf. This whole thread is now dead to me. Which of course means I'm going to read it obsessively and not sleep tonight wondering if any updates have been posted.

Allyzay, Tuesday, 30 December 2003 03:32 (sixteen years ago) link

Has anyone ever seen Captain Ron? It seemed like this...thing.

Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 30 December 2003 03:33 (sixteen years ago) link

They have an Escape from New York special box set out nowadays, just FYI to anyone who would be interested in ever owning this or perhaps mysteriously purchasing it for me.

Allyzay, Tuesday, 30 December 2003 03:35 (sixteen years ago) link

I just never realized how much that one photo of me from J4 resembled the Capt. Ron poster so much. I'm kind of horrified.

TOMBOT, Tuesday, 30 December 2003 03:37 (sixteen years ago) link

"that one photo"

Allyzay, Tuesday, 30 December 2003 03:39 (sixteen years ago) link

lest we forget:

http://www.pygmalion.ws/images/overboard.jpg

g--ff (gcannon), Tuesday, 30 December 2003 03:40 (sixteen years ago) link

I know which photo he means! it's true!

Kim (Kim), Tuesday, 30 December 2003 03:40 (sixteen years ago) link


http://bitchcakes.topcities.com/July4/tombryan.jpg
"FUNNY!"

Allyzay, Tuesday, 30 December 2003 03:42 (sixteen years ago) link

I spent a Christmas season moonlighting at one a them high-end kitchen places (you know, the kind with the $2,000 espresso makers), and among the many useful things I learned there was a little about knives. We only sold two brands, Heckels and Wusthof. The knife guy said (and I repeated as gospel to many a customer, so I hope it was true) that Wusthof was better because their knives were still just single pieces, while Henckels had recently switched to a tripartite manufacturing system, with the handle made of some kind of compressed metal (the metal equivalent of plywood, the blade separate, and then a third little piece joining the two. This offended the knife guy's sense of aesthetics, and he also suspected it would mean problems somewhere down the line. Since the knives cost about the same, I don't think this was an effort to convince customers to "buy up" or whatever (although for all I know maybe the knife guy was on some secret Wusthof payroll; I don't think so, though, he really seemed passionate about this stuff). Also, he swore that the only knives anyone needed were an 8" chef's knife, a serrated bread knife and a 4" paring knife. This did not stop him from selling entire sets, including ridiculously huge butcher knives, to shoppers who clearly wanted them as kitchen props. But this, too, offended his sense of aesthetics. He took their money, but gave them no respect. So, that's all I know about knives. And sharpen those things every 6 months or so, too, depending on how much you use them.

http://www.cyberkino.de/entertainment/kino/102/102584b1.jpg

spittle (spittle), Tuesday, 30 December 2003 03:45 (sixteen years ago) link

I am a big fan of the pairing knife purchase.

Allyzay, Tuesday, 30 December 2003 03:46 (sixteen years ago) link

http://www.quartzcity.net/~chris/2003nyc/drunks.jpg
I just wanted to post that.

TOMBOT, Tuesday, 30 December 2003 03:59 (sixteen years ago) link

I kind of want to beat the crap out of you right now, Tom.

Allyzay, Tuesday, 30 December 2003 04:04 (sixteen years ago) link

It would make a brilliant movie poster though. Anyway I'm all about that ass obviously.

TOMBOT, Tuesday, 30 December 2003 04:08 (sixteen years ago) link

That's right, ladies, Captain Ron also does "romantic"!!

Allyzay, Tuesday, 30 December 2003 04:11 (sixteen years ago) link

What the hell kind of movie would that be anyway? It looks like the stupidest college movie ever, worse than Van Wilder.

Allyzay, Tuesday, 30 December 2003 04:12 (sixteen years ago) link

wow, that's harsh.

TOMBOT, Tuesday, 30 December 2003 04:15 (sixteen years ago) link

yeah, all you need is a cartoon bus in the background and a title in bubble font. Rock!

Kim (Kim), Tuesday, 30 December 2003 04:20 (sixteen years ago) link

They need Catbus in the background.

Mr Noodles (Mr Noodles), Tuesday, 30 December 2003 04:20 (sixteen years ago) link

I'm pretty sure Jeremy Piven should be in this movie.

Allyzay, Tuesday, 30 December 2003 04:22 (sixteen years ago) link

Actually I think what this calls for is a bus with big green picnic tables and pitchers of Spaten for everybody.

TOMBOT, Tuesday, 30 December 2003 04:24 (sixteen years ago) link

You know what your post calls for?

I've got something to tell ya
I've got news for you
Gonna put some wheels in motion
get ready 'cause we're coming through
Hey now, hey now, here's what I say now
Happiness is just around the corner
Hey now, hey now, here's what I say now
We'll be there for you

(chorus)
The Vengabus is coming
and everybody's jumping
New York to San Francisco
An intercity disco
The wheels of steel are turning
And traffic lights are burning
So if you like to party
get on and move your body

We like to party
we like, we like to party
we like to party
we like, we like to party

Hey now, hey now here's what I say now
happiness is just around the corner
Hey now, hey now, here's what I say now
we'll be there for you

(chorus)

(chorus)

We like to party
we like, we like to party
we like to party
we like, we like to party
we like to party
we like, we like to party
we like to party
we like, we like to party

The Vengabus is coming The Vengabus is coming The Vengabus is coming The
Vengabus is...

(chorus)

(chorus)

The Vengabus is coming

Allyzay, Tuesday, 30 December 2003 04:31 (sixteen years ago) link

Vengagun ain't far behind.

Mr Noodles (Mr Noodles), Tuesday, 30 December 2003 04:33 (sixteen years ago) link

Patron: How much?
Bartender: Call me Snake.
Patron: Uh, pardon? How much?
Bartender: Call me Snake.
Patron: I don't understand.
Bartender: Call me Snake.
Patron: (walks away without paying)

Allyzay, Tuesday, 30 December 2003 19:37 (sixteen years ago) link

DAMMIT ally I just wrote MY version of that scene. Eh. Here it is anyway.

"Can I have an 'Unlawful Entry,' no rocks please?"

"Call me Snake"

"Uh, can I have an 'Unlawful Entry,' no rocks, SNAKE?"

"Call me Snake" etc until customer slaps bartender hilariously

Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Tuesday, 30 December 2003 19:39 (sixteen years ago) link

And the jukebox only has John Carpenter!!

Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Tuesday, 30 December 2003 19:40 (sixteen years ago) link

The three of you are really clever together, somebody call cable access.

TOMBOT, Tuesday, 30 December 2003 19:40 (sixteen years ago) link

"Hey, what's playing on the jukebox?"

"It's this...Thing!"

lawrence kansas (lawrence kansas), Tuesday, 30 December 2003 19:42 (sixteen years ago) link

Dude we don't need cable access, we have the internet.

Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Tuesday, 30 December 2003 19:44 (sixteen years ago) link

Anyway Spencer your bar totally has to happen, and I want to be a bartender, but I think ME w/an eyepatch saying "call me Snake" is actually funnier than anything we could possibly post to this thread.

Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Tuesday, 30 December 2003 19:45 (sixteen years ago) link

Tracer OTM, that concept wins

TOMBOT, Tuesday, 30 December 2003 19:45 (sixteen years ago) link

Chef in Kitchen of Escape from LA: Snake, Which cutlery do you think I should use to prepare this dish?
Bartender: Call me Snake.
Chef: I DID call you Snake.
Bartender: Call me Snake.
Chef: Fuck you. (stabs Snake with an 8" serrated blade purchased from the same supplier that supplies Peter Lugers, the multipurpose bread choice of all Chefs everywhere)

xpost Tracer guess what you're getting for your birthday??? If you didn't guess "eyepatch" you're a moron??

Allyzay, Tuesday, 30 December 2003 19:47 (sixteen years ago) link

hahahhahahaha oh my God.

Tom you just say that because no one's thought of putting Momus behind the bar yet.

Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Tuesday, 30 December 2003 19:49 (sixteen years ago) link

Dear god.

In my mind I just constructed a version of this "Call me Snake" dialog.

Between "Snake" (who is now actually Tracer Hand) and Aja. It still hasn't ended in my mind.

I'm going to go outside and have a cigarette before I go insane.

Allyzay, Tuesday, 30 December 2003 19:50 (sixteen years ago) link

God now it's Momus, Aja and Tracer. "Call me Snake!" "What?" "You're both Republicans you know." "What?" "CALL ME SNAKE!" "What?"

I'm going to go play in traffic, actually.

Allyzay, Tuesday, 30 December 2003 19:51 (sixteen years ago) link

i've seen a nude photo of Momus, snakes a good name for him

lawrence kansas (lawrence kansas), Tuesday, 30 December 2003 19:51 (sixteen years ago) link

heh you could also call Momus "Big Trouble in Little China"

Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Tuesday, 30 December 2003 19:59 (sixteen years ago) link

!

lawrence kansas (lawrence kansas), Tuesday, 30 December 2003 20:00 (sixteen years ago) link

I love Tracer Hand.

El Diablo Robotico (Nicole), Tuesday, 30 December 2003 20:00 (sixteen years ago) link

http://www.carbuyingtips.com/pics/crash8.jpg

TOMBOT, Tuesday, 30 December 2003 20:03 (sixteen years ago) link

You know, you're the one who brought up Kurt Russell to begin with, you have really no one to blame for all this but yourself. How much more info could you possibly need about all these knives anyway?

Allyzay, Tuesday, 30 December 2003 20:05 (sixteen years ago) link

Get some Wusthof knives, Tombot.

El Diablo Robotico (Nicole), Tuesday, 30 December 2003 20:07 (sixteen years ago) link

bringing up Kurt Russell is not exactly an invitation to talk about Aja and Momus' naked wanger within a dozen or so words of one another.

TOMBOT, Tuesday, 30 December 2003 20:10 (sixteen years ago) link

I love you too Nicole!! I still say Global though.

Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Tuesday, 30 December 2003 20:11 (sixteen years ago) link

I used to call one of my coworkers Snake, incidentally, for a really brief period, because for some reason on 9/11 he kept yelling "Just call me Snake! I will protect you!" and Spencer's bar reminds me of this.

The best thing about this story is one time we saw a mouse in the office, right, and dude shrieked like a girl and jumped on a desk. Way to save the world, Snake.

Allyzay, Tuesday, 30 December 2003 20:23 (sixteen years ago) link

just back from holiday, global knives are the shit, buy them in fact just buy one, the chef's knife, and a whetstone, and maybe a flexible bladed one. I'll read the thread madness later.

Ed (dali), Tuesday, 30 December 2003 21:51 (sixteen years ago) link

I've never heard of global knives, but if Tracer and Ed are recommending them they must be the best.

El Diablo Robotico (Nicole), Tuesday, 30 December 2003 22:21 (sixteen years ago) link

five months pass...
Oh man, sometimes I love you ILX. Here's a catbus.

http://i.myspace.com/50/18/1968105/10405115_l.gif

ARL (Adrian Langston), Sunday, 30 May 2004 12:12 (fifteen years ago) link

I. CAN'T. STOP. STARING. AT. IT.

Allyzay, Monday, 31 May 2004 06:47 (fifteen years ago) link

I GOT A CATBUS PLUSH TOY! U JEALOUS?

phil-two (phil-two), Monday, 31 May 2004 06:52 (fifteen years ago) link

http://i.myspace.com/50/18/1968105/10467340_l.jpg

that's a catbus at the top of the pyramid. I AM WINNAR. (in, uh, a distinct loser kind of way.)

ARL (Adrian Langston), Monday, 31 May 2004 08:31 (fifteen years ago) link

I wonder when my eyepatch gets here.

Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Monday, 31 May 2004 11:59 (fifteen years ago) link

Holy CatDog in a CarTruck, that Catbus is HappyCreepy.

Crickets Dance On Tequila Booty (Barima), Monday, 31 May 2004 12:21 (fifteen years ago) link

Email me your address and I will mail you an eyepatch and some POMADE, Tracer Hand Man of the Streets.

Allyzay, Monday, 31 May 2004 21:11 (fifteen years ago) link

my god, not only did I learn about knives and Kurt Russell, but I got to see the Catbus, all on ILX. And I get to say: I too have a catbus plush toy and, though quite small it is The Best (shopping for it in Vancouver's chinatown involved much: "No, I don't want a totoro, just a catbus. Yes, totoro is cute, but I'm looking for a catbus. etc.") Thank you, ILXers.

rrrobyn (rrrobyn), Monday, 31 May 2004 22:43 (fifteen years ago) link

http://store5.yimg.com/I/anime-spectrum_1790_98676610

say hello to my very own plushie ark of the covenant.

ARL (Adrian Langston), Monday, 31 May 2004 23:48 (fifteen years ago) link

~:D

Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Tuesday, 1 June 2004 00:33 (fifteen years ago) link

MIYAZAKI WILL PAY FOR HIS CRIMES

Kingfish Disraeli (Kingfish), Tuesday, 1 June 2004 01:24 (fifteen years ago) link

ten months pass...
I still never got that fuckin eyepatch.

Allyzay Subservient 50s-Type (allyzay), Friday, 15 April 2005 02:34 (fifteen years ago) link

We do have the catbus though.

TOMBOT, Friday, 15 April 2005 02:53 (fifteen years ago) link

Yeah but I promised TRACER an eyepatch, not MYSELF a catbus.

Allyzay Subservient 50s-Type (allyzay), Friday, 15 April 2005 03:17 (fifteen years ago) link

But YOU got a catbus without even ASKING for one and TRACER got a graduate degree from UK LAND.

TOMBOT, Friday, 15 April 2005 03:21 (fifteen years ago) link

http://www.cdfa.ca.gov/dairy/images/Cheese-flow-chart-clr.gif

Remy (x Jeremy), Friday, 15 April 2005 03:21 (fifteen years ago) link

this thread is one of the greats.

g e o f f (gcannon), Friday, 15 April 2005 05:08 (fifteen years ago) link

did he actually get a degree? he rang the other night but it was after half past nine and we'd long had our horlicks and gone to bed.

Ed (dali), Friday, 15 April 2005 05:09 (fifteen years ago) link

one year passes...
How do we feel about this deal?

this, however, is the crucial moment from the libertine's point of view (kenan), Monday, 23 October 2006 15:05 (thirteen years ago) link

three years pass...

Classic Americana, distilled into 3 minutes.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mp5Nt2MUHms

kingfish, Monday, 11 January 2010 23:26 (ten years ago) link

I bought a block at IKEA and they're all still holding up fine.

we did this, and they bend while cutting bread. wil buy individually any more i think.

Not a reactionary git, just an idiot. (darraghmac), Tuesday, 12 January 2010 12:51 (ten years ago) link

otm. I used to have a little Sabatier kitchen knife that previously belonged to my late Granny and which stayed sharp forever. Last year I spotted a block of Sabatier knives in TK Maxx reduced to £50 or so and figured they would be a good bet. Rong. Total junk, they weren't properly sharp even when brand new.

Bill A, Tuesday, 12 January 2010 12:59 (ten years ago) link

I've got a Global chef's knife and a paring knife. That's about it.

mh, Tuesday, 12 January 2010 15:17 (ten years ago) link

I have those IKEA knives. For the money, they've certainly served me well, but in the end they are bendy & dull, & always have been tbh. I've been thinking about investing in a decent set. Are Wusthofs overrated? I know they are sharp as fuck when they are new, but how are they for longevity?

Also, I really need to see Escape From New York.

Dino-linguist Noam Chompsky (Pillbox), Tuesday, 12 January 2010 17:08 (ten years ago) link

ten years pass...

still love my globals

El Tomboto, Thursday, 21 May 2020 02:40 (six days ago) link


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