Depression and what it's really like

i know admitting it is like admitting that i enjoy the slaughter of kittens, but i have to say that i find baked potatos fairly nasty

Oh, not at Wendy's. They're awesome in diners or at home, though.

theyre mainly a starchy delivery device for cheese/sour cream/butter/etc

remy, do you eat them with like, stuff on them? cuz baked potatoes are disgusting, which is why you coat them w/ butter & sour cream & cheese & bacon, all of which are wonderful things that i fail to understand how anyone could not love.

xp tru!

fighting w/ my fiancee because i do what the psychiatrist + therapist tell me to do and she stubbornly fights them every inch of the way (we have different psychiatrists + therapists).

sucks.

Remy has v cultivated tastes, he probably likes more imaginative potato forms. I'm a simple person, though, and I like mine with lots and lots of salt and dairy product.

i havent had one of those in so long i should bake one up. sour cream is one of my favorite things.

actual potatoes made at my old apartment as part of an amorous evening. nothing hotter than cooking on a cold wet night.

http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2028/1582573169_debd965da4.jpg

rawr

Holy mother, give me those potatoes.

see, the ratio of baked potato:topping really has to be about 1:2 for me to eat without complaint, and by that point i could just as well be gnawing drywall. for what it's worth, i don't like french fries either, unless the fry:ketchup balance is tilted to a near-farcical point

Holy mother, give me those potatoes.

you can have the potatoes, give me that girl again...

Want a hug so bad and the man won't be home for three hours. Fucking THESE DAYS. These fucking days.

Trade 'man' for 'woman' and 'three hours' for '2 months'.

What's that sound effect in the Simpsons in the episode when Darlene from Roseanne tears out Bart's heart and throws it against the wall: "You won't be needing THIS anymore...ahahahahahaha"?

uuuuuuuuuunnnnngggggghhhhhhhh

gif or it didnt happen

I'm working on it. Softcore porn+Glowing Edges effect+Music

So when does one decide to call a therapist? I can't even begin to determine if I even have some form of depression (again). I... it seems easier just to shut up about it instead of talking about it.

Awww, Nathalie. I would say, if your depression starting to interfere with your ability to function, then that's time to step in and get the medical help.

Then again, I don't know. A lot of people manage to function on autopilot and go on autopilot and look after kids and go on, even though they're feeling totally dead inside.

Only you can make that call, but if it's affecting your ability to work, to sleep, eating, your interactions with the people that you love - your standard basics - then you need to call someone in to help you out.

Good luck with it. x

Thing is you can always see a therapist - see if it helps. I saw one for 2 years - found it very helpful.

Of course, they are therapists and there are therapists, one method might not work for you.

To be honest I think everyone should see one!

I... it seems easier just to shut up about it instead of talking about it.

For me this was crucial - I didn't want to talk about - it was too painful - to friends or family. Therapy "allows" you to do this without feeling "I'm just wasting everyone's time."

Does that make sense?

To be honest I think everyone should see one!

Yeah, woo. Also, everyone should spend a leisurely year in Paris, just drinking wine and eating cheese and malingering. So good for the soul.

To be honest I think you're being callous. Mental health care is really, really, really, REALLY expensive.

Er... at least around here. My medication alone costs $300 a month, not counting sessions with the doctor, and I am quickly entering a situation where I will be working to pay for my mental health so I can keep working so I can etc etc. It's like delivering pizza to pay for car repair.

Hi, welcome to The Sad Place, you must be This Depressed to enter.

I got mine on the NHS. Sorry, wasn't meaning to be callous.

Sorry, you touched a nerve. Nothing personal.

Natalie, have you been to see your doctor about it yet? I'd say definitely do that first if you're open to the idea (helped *a lot* when my wife had post-natal depression btw)

i think the nice thing about a therapist is that you're paying them to listen to you talk about what's wrong (& of course hopefully help you out). It's not like a friend, where you have to consider whether or not you're making them uncomfortable or expecting too much of them or you'd actually rather hear about what's going on in their life. Going to a therapist is useful even if you're just trying to work something very temporary out of your system: there is nothing to do there but talk. I know you're not supposed to think of it this way but sometimes i sort of see the ~therapeutic space~ as the place where you talk about it so you can stay shut up about it everywhere else.

xps, No I wasn't thinking. I have no idea what the situation is like in Belgium for instance. I'm just a bit...er...enthusiastic about it because it did me so much good. Continues to do so, too. I get a bit carried away.

If cost is an issue then look into CBT, it's remarkably quick - ten sessions max on the NHS - and has really done wonders for me, just in terms of getting out of the mental rut I was in, transforming my attitude, restoring confidence etc.

Cost is not that big of an issue but, well, finding a good therapist is. Belgium has good healthcare. I think I could check with my doctor first and then it would be even cheaper? I had one but he ignored my cries for help in regard to my panic attacks. Really strange. I wanted to ask: "Why don't you HEAR me when I talk about my panic attacks?" Instead I just gave up and stopped going. I'm not sure if I need to. I have the (wrong) idea that this is me, this is how I feel at times so why bother with addressing this "problem". I also feel I'm a bit silly for being this way because I simply don't have anything to complain about. Yes, I know, that's not really the issue. I also don't like talking about it cause I just start crying. IF I don't, then I can just pretend it's not here/there/anywhere.

I don't think it's postnatal depression unless hahaha it extends to 16 months after giving birth. haha

I dunno, it can last for quite a while. But whatever it is, I'd say it's still worth giving your doctor a go first.

If your doctor refuses to listen to you when you bring up panic attacks, then that's cause to find a new doctor. A good doctor pays attention to their patient's mental state of health, as well as physical. If you told your doctor that you were having sharp pains in your head, and he just ignored you, instead of sending to check you for migraines, would you keep going to him? Why should mental health be any different? Panic attacks are a symptom - they're a sign that the mind is in distress and needs some kind of attention. You can't just ignore them like that, if you're a doctor.

http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=depressions-evolutionary

kinda inneresting

That is really really really interesting and also reminds me to post this point from an article in Discover Magazine called "The Seven Deadly Sins" (sadly I don't think the art is avail online):

Most of us perceive ourselves as slightly smarter, funnier, more talented, and better-looking than average. These rose-colored glasses are apparently important to mental health, the psychological immune system that protects us from despair. "Those who see themselves as they truly are -- not so funny, a bad driver, overweight -- have a greater chance of being diagnosed with clinical depression," says Julian Paul Keenan, director of the cognitive imagine laboratory and professor of psychology at Montclair State University in New Jersey.

For most of us, it takes less mental energy to puff ourselves up than to think critically about our own abilities. In one recent neuroimaging study by blah blah in Japan, volunteers who imagined themselves winning a prize or trouncing an opponent showed less activation in brain regions associated with introspection and self-conscious thought than people induced to feel negative emotions such as embarrassment.

In one recent neuroimaging study by blah blah in Japan

...by who?

Oh fine. It's a long description and I was typing it out by hand. Gawd.

Hidehiko Takahashi of the National Institute of Radiological Sciences in Japan.

Those who see themselves as they truly are -- not so funny, a bad driver, overweight

thanks for your opinion julian

lol @ "blah blah"

xpost -- Haha, no worries, I just thought this was a copy/paste from an online article and I was boggling a bit.

"Prof. Blah, well known for his self-deprecation..."

i'm not that great of a driver, tevs

No, as I already said, the damn article ISN'T AVAILABLE ONLINE.

When one considers all the evidence, depression seems less like a disorder where the brain is operating in a haphazard way, or malfunctioning. Instead, depression seems more like the vertebrate eye—an intricate, highly organized piece of machinery that performs a specific function.

ehhhh......

I don't know about that guy, but my eye is invertebrate.

i think he's talking about the dude from korn's mic stand

Most of us perceive ourselves as slightly smarter, funnier, more talented, and better-looking than average.

So most people are basically all running around thinking they are better than the other? That's funny. Me, I belong in the group prone to depression, I guess, or rather I think I'm pretty darn average to below average.

Keenan is also using transcranial magnetic stimulation to disrupt deliberate self-deprecation -- the type of unctuous, ingratiating behavior that seems humble but is actually arrogance in disguise. Patterns of brain activation during self-deprecation are fundamentally the same as those during self-deceptive pride, Keenan is finding. Both are forms of one-upmanship. "They're in the same location and seem to serve the same purpose: putting oneself ahead in society," he says.

When one considers all the evidence, depression seems less like a disorder where the brain is operating in a haphazard way, or malfunctioning. Instead, depression seems more like the vertebrate eye—an intricate, highly organized piece of machinery that performs a specific function.

ehhhh......

I don't see anything wrong with the analogy fwiw

as someone who has been a loved one to depressed ppl i'm not agreeing or disagreeing with the analogy but it's just kinda ehhhhhhh

don't know what actual depressed ppl might say fwiw

it kinda depends on how you define "malfunctioning" ...

i guess all i mean is when my dad was really depressed if someone had told me his depression was "an intricate, highly organized piece of machinery that performs a specific function" i would have probably assaulted them.

Most days I’m good at just suppressing it and “carrying on”, as it were, but then it sneaks up on me and hits me all at once to be reminded … Hell, I’ve been posting here for the better part of two decades and I don’t have a single one of you I interact with outside ilx (I mean, considering how often my threads sink to the bottom, it’s not like I actually “interact” with many of you on here either lol). Yet I stubbornly persist.

Jon, I hear you. I often think to myself who I would call if I were in trouble or needed someone and the answer is always "shit, no-one". Then I get depressed and this is exacerbated by remembering how I don't have anyone to call when I'm howling and crying and then I howl and cry more. Then I fall asleep and I wake up and it doesn't matter until I start remembering it again hours or days or weeks later. It just sneaks up.

Sorry, didn't see this had been bumped. Appreciate the thoughts.

It's just been hard, as my son has gotten older and is spending more time with friends and I've found a little more free time, the lack of friends has become more glaring. I keep thinking, "hey, it would be cool to go see that band with someone" and then remembering there are absolutely zero people I could reach out to for that sort of thing. Not that I'm afraid to go to shows solo, I do it a lot, just would be nice from time to time to go with someone to talk about it with afterwards or w/e.

Part of the challenge, beyond just how hard it is to make friends as an adult, is that most of my interests don't alight with chances to get to know more people, even those who share said interests.

Not going to most of the gigs I'd like to go to is a thing I accept nowadays to the extent I mostly forget that I could even go on my own. I just...don't do stuff.

^^^
i used to buy advance tickets in an effort to make myself go, but soon realized it was just a waste of money

hey jon, i just wanted to say that i really appreciate the breadth of your knowledge and your generosity on ilm, and all the times i make a post about a random harder rock band and see an enthusiastic response from you it raises my spirits. you rule!