Things you'd rather your hairdresser (or other trained professional) not say while doing work for you

Bleedin Fitzroy, honestly...

and adam, if you're looking for a cheap, hip haircut, his name is chris and he works at pure beauty on haight. he used to be 14$, but since he moved he's 25$ w/o a wash. i

Then the freak proceeded to put bleach on my hair, then disappear into the office with his friend for nearly an hour. When he came out, my hair - which had been halfway down my back - was so frazzled and destroyed that I had to get it all cut off.

I was more furious with my mother than with him - she had persuaded me to go to this guy, and he destroyed my hair and tried to lead me into semi-organised prostitution!

my hairdresser is so cool.

also(same person)

"the first guy i ever had sex with is dead. Also, the first girl i ever had sex with is dead, too."

Seriously, i love the girl, and i drive an hour for her to cut my hair into a fine pompadour, but she's led an interesting life, to put it mildly.

"Whoops, I think I dropped something!"

"Hmmm, I think we'll need more of that stuff, I wonder if the guy next door would borrow some."

I was like "huh?" and she points to a sign that says:
Man's Cut - $8
Woman's Cut - $10

"Um, I guess I'll take the man's cut then." It was the worst haircut I've ever gotten in my life. I found out later that the guy who ran the place for like 40 years or something died and left it to this lady who had no idea what she was doing.

"Experience? What's that?"

"Nevermind damn experience. That's for wusses!"

http://www.big.net/ssbb/nextgig_images/elrio_sushi.gif

"I'm not prejudiced or anything, but Paul McCartney could have had any woman in the world, so why did he marry a cripple?"

"I have a friend who is so dumb he didn't know that Dutch people were from Denmark!"

"so i did soooooooo much cocaine last night"

how about doing coke right before they're supposed to cut your hair?

true story. my stylist came out and wiped her nose, then proceeded to cut my hair in like, 20 minutes. it was a great cut but i felt totally gross giving her a tip. i changed stylists after that!

haha, what a dick. i kind of left soon after.

during dental exam: "Ohh, you almost NEVER see that!1 Except sometime with small children."*

during same dental exam: "Would you like to see what a mummified nerve looks like?"**

during same dental exam (which takes place in a surgery which might as well be a corridor, given all the traffic through it): a long item of gossip about the goings on of two rival dentists practices which ended w.one of them sneaking in and cutting off the power to the other during business hours ("He could get struck off!!" They were all so delighted!!)

*I had a seriously exposed nerve, excepot the skin had grown back over it like a little lid, so it never hurt
**Mummified nerve = looks like a tiny little leaf

My teeth are not in great condition but I NEVER EVER HAVE ANY KIND OF TOOTHACHE EVER, not since i wz a tiny kid

Classic.

somehow, i kept going to her for years...

I went to this barber shop in my neighborhood once and when I started to describe to the lady what I wanted done and she says with a thick Russian accent: "Do you want a man's cut or a woman's cut?"
I was like "huh?" and she points to a sign that says:
Man's Cut - $8
Woman's Cut - $10

"Um, I guess I'll take the man's cut then." It was the worst haircut I've ever gotten in my life. I found out later that the guy who ran the place for like 40 years or something died and left it to this lady who had no idea what she was doing.

-- BrianB (spacmen...), November 4th, 2003.

This made me giggle lots. And lots.

Sadly I've nothing similar, those I was told by a former regular hairdresser (who my mum has been going to for about 15 yrs) that my hair was the most difficult she ever had to cut. Apparently she used to talk about it with all her staff, who she then brought out to say hello. Woo, hairdresser celebrity. I have ridiculously soft, fine and straight hair btw so I can imagine what she meant.

"Oh I'm sure you're accountant would just be happier to just have the value on the date the original shares were purchased, it's really not worth all that work for such a small amount"

A. I AM MY ACCOUNTANT
B. DID YOU JUST MAKE A JOKE ABOUT MY PENIS
C. THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I'VE EVER DONE THIS OH JESUS QUIT PRETENDING I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING

But whatever, I came up with something fairly accurate I hope, I don't imagine the IRS gets a lot of jollies out of doing FIFO calculations on over a decade of reinvested dividends either

It was only $2K FFS

I guess if my barber said that to me, I'd wish he hadn't too. But only your hairdresser knows for sure.

"so i did soooooooo much cocaine last night"

how about doing coke right before they're supposed to cut your hair?

true story. my stylist came out and wiped her nose, then proceeded to cut my hair in like, 20 minutes. it was a great cut but i felt totally gross giving her a tip. i changed stylists after that!

-- maria tessa sciarrino (mari...), March 29th, 2005.

request for moar from jaxon

i haven't been to that guy in years. but here are moar

last girl that cut my hair is a friend. first haircut from her she's sniffling and coughing and telling me how sick she is, but she's about to go out for her friends birthday and do some ecstasy because that usually makes her cold go away.

second time she cut my hair for less than five minutes, it looked no different and then told me she had to go somewhere. i never went back to her.

current girl is another friend's girlfriend. they've had an on and off relationship for a year or two. real destructive type shit. she always asks me, "so how long have you been married? you guys have been together for 12 years now?! and you still love her?!"

please 2 gay D&D story

guy from first stories started a gay dungeons and dragons troupe. most of the guys wanted to be faries. no good stories though