ts: a dog watching you have sex vs. a cat watching you have sex

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Self-explanatory.

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Thursday, 24 July 2003 19:57 (twenty years ago) link

My cats ignore us while we have sex, even though they're usually only feet away. I don't think they think anything of it at all. Maybe we should make more loud, alarming noises.

A dog, on the other hand, might creep me out. They might just understand more about the act than I am comfortable with.

― Kenan Hebert (kenan), Thursday, 24 July 2003 20:01 (twenty years ago) link

My cat has attacked people in bed with me. Just so that everyone knows this.

― Ally (mlescaut), Thursday, 24 July 2003 20:02 (twenty years ago) link

duh, the answer is watching your dog have sex with you cat.

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Thursday, 24 July 2003 20:04 (twenty years ago) link

Imagine how disturbing it would be if you woke up to what you thought was your partner eagerly licking the balls, but you opened your eyes in shock when he/she walked back into the room and shouted, "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING WITH THE DOG????"

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 24 July 2003 20:04 (twenty years ago) link

"Imagine"

― chester (synkro), Thursday, 24 July 2003 20:08 (twenty years ago) link

"Disturbing"

― Ally (mlescaut), Thursday, 24 July 2003 20:08 (twenty years ago) link

"shock"

ah the old peanut butter trick

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Thursday, 24 July 2003 20:09 (twenty years ago) link

I've only had one jealous pair of cats invite themselves to the festivities one time, but that's it.

― donut bitch (donut), Thursday, 24 July 2003 20:10 (twenty years ago) link

Peanut butter panic??

― Ally (mlescaut), Thursday, 24 July 2003 20:10 (twenty years ago) link

(Clearly the most disturbing thing would be not knowing the difference between your partner's tongue and a dog's tongue, unless your partner is Gene Simmons.)

(Imagine Gene Simmons eagerly licking the balls, which is disturbing for a completely different set of reasons.)

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 24 July 2003 20:11 (twenty years ago) link

DAN STOP IT!

― Ally (mlescaut), Thursday, 24 July 2003 20:12 (twenty years ago) link

A dog may be more likely to start licking, but you're more likely to get claws in your arse from a cat.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Thursday, 24 July 2003 20:14 (twenty years ago) link

Claws + bozack = a very unhappy equation no matter how you look at it.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 24 July 2003 20:16 (twenty years ago) link

Yeah, that's what some of my exes have said. Mr. Kitty is a vicious, jealous fucker.

― Ally (mlescaut), Thursday, 24 July 2003 20:16 (twenty years ago) link

Kitty kneading the balls means extra hazard pay, IMO.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 24 July 2003 20:17 (twenty years ago) link

I don't pay people to have sex with me!

― Ally (mlescaut), Thursday, 24 July 2003 20:19 (twenty years ago) link

Dogs are creepier. Cats sort of are curious, but freaked out by it. Dogs are like, "Yeah, I'm next!"

― Scaredy Cat, Thursday, 24 July 2003 20:20 (twenty years ago) link

Ally, I mean the cat should cough up some dough if the claws touch el scrote. Cat dough would probably come in hairball form, though, so ew never mind.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 24 July 2003 20:22 (twenty years ago) link

Wait, I just re-examined my original post and realized I just said that if you're going to sleep with a cat, make it pay extra if it claws your nuts. WTF?????????????????????????

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 24 July 2003 20:23 (twenty years ago) link

http://www.usna.edu/USNABand/media/groups/SnoopyLucy1.jpg

― amateurist (amateurist), Thursday, 24 July 2003 20:24 (twenty years ago) link

I hate dogs.

― martin m. (mushrush), Thursday, 24 July 2003 20:27 (twenty years ago) link

My main fear is that meowlingual technology will develop and I will find out they have been critiquing my technique behind my back.

― N. (nickdastoor), Thursday, 24 July 2003 20:40 (twenty years ago) link

best lyric ever?

"Animals strike curious poses"

― Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Thursday, 24 July 2003 20:41 (twenty years ago) link

WHY CAT COMMENTARY ON HUMAN SEX WOULD BE A BAD IDEA:

"*mew* *mwrowr*" [Dammit, he really needs to wiggle his hips more if he wants the spines on his penis to really settle in.]

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 24 July 2003 20:48 (twenty years ago) link

N has another good point: dogs look admiring, cats look as if they're thinking "You're not doing it right".

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Thursday, 24 July 2003 21:01 (twenty years ago) link

I can't remember if I have ever had sex in front of a dog. Well, not with another person.

― N. (nickdastoor), Thursday, 24 July 2003 21:03 (twenty years ago) link

But with another dog????

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 24 July 2003 21:04 (twenty years ago) link

Emma's cat likes to come in and be all friendly to me as we're on the verge of gettign it on, so that my eyes start streaming and my face goes itchy and I am incapable. Bastard thing.

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Thursday, 24 July 2003 21:09 (twenty years ago) link

WORST ORGASM EVER.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 24 July 2003 21:10 (twenty years ago) link

I am not a dog.

― N. (nickdastoor), Thursday, 24 July 2003 21:11 (twenty years ago) link

*dies laughing several times*

I go away to lunch, I come back, I am blessed with this thread. I am a happy man.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 24 July 2003 21:15 (twenty years ago) link

One Sunday morning my ex's cat read my mind, hopped in her master's lap, and went to sleep before I could initiate a lil' something. That cat was a cagey little creature.

― j.lu (j.lu), Thursday, 24 July 2003 21:18 (twenty years ago) link

>>Imagine how disturbing it would be if you woke up to what you thought was your partner eagerly licking the balls, but you opened your eyes in shock when he/she walked back into the room and shouted, "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING WITH THE DOG????"

Not directly related but still - worth reposting that. (on a side note, Shmoo, my cat used to jump on my lap and start suckling on my nipple every morning when i stumbled out for coffee. yes, well)

SO, surprise birthday I went to for someone. People walk into the house. Birthday girl is nekkid on the floor getting licked out by her dog. She was not happy about the surprise and neither were the guests. Caused many relationships to end.

― H (Heruy), Thursday, 24 July 2003 21:25 (twenty years ago) link

i really regretted hitting submit on that one

― H (Heruy), Thursday, 24 July 2003 21:26 (twenty years ago) link

BUT WE DIDN'T

― N. (nickdastoor), Thursday, 24 July 2003 21:26 (twenty years ago) link

Number of times people are burst in on as a surprise = very small
It happened to H's friend
I therefore conclude that women are getting oral action from their dogs A LOT

― N. (nickdastoor), Thursday, 24 July 2003 21:28 (twenty years ago) link

H, you are my hero.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 24 July 2003 21:34 (twenty years ago) link

For a few minutes I was worried that he'd appalled even you.

― N. (nickdastoor), Thursday, 24 July 2003 21:36 (twenty years ago) link

Impossible. He is the wind beneath Dan's balls.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 24 July 2003 21:39 (twenty years ago) link

You're calling H a fart?

― Chris P (Chris P), Thursday, 24 July 2003 21:42 (twenty years ago) link

I was preferring to think of Dan going commando-style, you rude little man.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 24 July 2003 21:43 (twenty years ago) link

ARGH X-POST

You make H sound like a lunchtime burrito.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 24 July 2003 21:44 (twenty years ago) link

YO, Piuma, whasup with dat!!

― H (Heruy), Thursday, 24 July 2003 21:44 (twenty years ago) link

You prefer to think of me going commando-style? Should I feel dirty?

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 24 July 2003 21:45 (twenty years ago) link

Get it fired up in a hurry, plz.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 24 July 2003 21:47 (twenty years ago) link

This is exceptional.

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Thursday, 24 July 2003 21:48 (twenty years ago) link

You fillthy man, Ned. Now I have to get a little rowwdy.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 24 July 2003 21:49 (twenty years ago) link

I presumed N's post was the hidden bête-noir of this thread. Boy was I wrong.

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Thursday, 24 July 2003 21:49 (twenty years ago) link

i'm really really regretting my post right now (unless Dan gets rowdy)

― H (Heruy), Thursday, 24 July 2003 21:50 (twenty years ago) link

Skipping 8 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

Since this is a Tracer Hand thread, I expect a decade of future googling to keep this thread alive forever.

"hey just saw this thread and just want to say i think it's great when my pets watch me and my wife have sex. sometimes we even let them have some fun with us. i hate how society treats this as sick or barbaric, but i see it as a great bonding experience that's necessary for empathic skills."

― donut bitch (donut), Thursday, 24 July 2003 23:33 (twenty years ago) link

eerily sincere

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Friday, 25 July 2003 00:06 (twenty years ago) link

did it speak to you?

― H (Heruy), Friday, 25 July 2003 00:07 (twenty years ago) link

Animals don't speak to you anyway?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 25 July 2003 00:08 (twenty years ago) link

dr doolittle sex

― Tad (llamasfur), Friday, 25 July 2003 00:09 (twenty years ago) link

Rex Harrison v. Eddie Murphy

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 25 July 2003 00:12 (twenty years ago) link

"if i could talk to the animals" v. "party all the time"

― Tad (llamasfur), Friday, 25 July 2003 00:13 (twenty years ago) link

H, was there peanut butter involved?

― rosemary (rosemary), Friday, 25 July 2003 06:10 (twenty years ago) link

no peanut butter to my knowledge, maybe she was inspired by this tho

― H (Heruy), Friday, 25 July 2003 06:24 (twenty years ago) link

one year passes...

REVIVE becase H is awesome.

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 6 January 2005 21:34 (nineteen years ago) link

I think he threw in the story about his friend and the dog to distract us from his own disturbing parable about the cat sucking his nipples.

― Allyzay Needs Legs More (allyzay), Thursday, 6 January 2005 22:16 (nineteen years ago) link

my cat just lays in the bed as if nothing is going on. really really.

― ai lien (kold_krush), Thursday, 6 January 2005 22:51 (nineteen years ago) link

try a little foreplay first?

― Stevem On X (blueski), Thursday, 6 January 2005 22:54 (nineteen years ago) link

I have a disturbingly large number of sex and cats stories. Hmmm.

― Michael White (Hereward), Thursday, 6 January 2005 22:56 (nineteen years ago) link

oh boy
(slaps forehead)

― ai lien (kold_krush), Thursday, 6 January 2005 22:59 (nineteen years ago) link

I'm sure I've told this dinner party standard here before but why not bring it out again.

I was once engaged in the sexual act commonly called 'doggie style' w/my ex-wife (who would surely be overjoyed that it was now posted on the interweb) when our adorable ginger-haired tabby kitten, seeing my scrotum swinging to and fro, decided to play tetherball. When his claws came in contact with my dangly bits, I (understandably) thrust forward rather forcefully trying to escape the clutches of his claws. "Enculé, qu’est-ce tu fous là?", she screamed after I had inadvertantly tried to put her head through the headboard. Little Diavolo, who was otherwise the most uxorious of cats, was most disappointed that the game was called on account of owner contumely.

― Michael White (Hereward), Friday, 7 January 2005 02:53 (nineteen years ago) link

When we failed to consumate the act, I could find no objection to her explanation that she had a headache.

― Michael White (Hereward), Friday, 7 January 2005 02:56 (nineteen years ago) link

http://ffmedia.ign.com/filmforce/image/tarareid_aloneinthedark.jpg

― LSD ARISTOCAT (ex machina), Friday, 7 January 2005 03:28 (nineteen years ago) link

Your cat's name was Little Diavolo?

― Jimmy Mod always makes friends with women before bedding them down (ModJ), Friday, 7 January 2005 03:33 (nineteen years ago) link

Just Diavolo.

― Michael White (Hereward), Friday, 7 January 2005 04:35 (nineteen years ago) link

good name

― Jimmy Mod always makes friends with women before bedding them down (ModJ), Friday, 7 January 2005 04:49 (nineteen years ago) link

From Rastapopolous's curses.

― Michael White (Hereward), Friday, 7 January 2005 04:52 (nineteen years ago) link

ten months pass...

The last time I revived this thread, we got an awesome story. Will we be so luck this time?

― Dan (Please Say Yes) Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 6 December 2005 16:44 (eighteen years ago) link

Tara Reid is the gift that keeps on giving

― kingfish trampycakes (kingfish 2.0), Tuesday, 6 December 2005 16:52 (eighteen years ago) link

So that's a no, then?

― Dan (Le Sigh) Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 6 December 2005 17:07 (eighteen years ago) link

I opened this thread hoping that I had not posted that story.

Since I've already dug my own grave, so to speak, I will admit to having sex in front of my cats all the time. I don't particularly care, as long as they get out of the way, and they always look bored.

Once, when I was in high school, my girlfriend was cat-sitting the neighbor's cat for a week while they were on vacation. We took advantage of her access to a nice, large house to go over and shag a lot. Two incidents spring to mind from that week of copulatory abundance.

1.) The cat, lonely because we neglected it for our own pleasures, climbed up my back to my shoulders one night during sex and peered down, meowing at us. To my consternation, I had to dismount to get him off.

2.) We had fallen asleep post-coitally on the couch when the cat, no doubt attracted by our mingled juices awoke me very unpleasantly by licking my penis. Going from blissfully asleep to being awakened by a rough, feline tongue is not an experience that I would recommend to anybody nor one that I recall with any joy.

― M. White (Miguelito), Tuesday, 6 December 2005 17:16 (eighteen years ago) link

my dog barks at me and growls...thinking im hurting my wife. we have put him in his crate when we get busy in the bedroom or else he'd probably chew off my nugget pouch.

― slow jamz and white guy indie acoustic shit (Chris V), Tuesday, 6 December 2005 17:19 (eighteen years ago) link

thats so gross. xpost.

― AaronK (AaronK), Tuesday, 6 December 2005 17:46 (eighteen years ago) link

My girlfriend's dog a few years back used to think I was hurting her and would bite my toes hanging over the edge of the bed.

― GET EQUIPPED WITH BUBBLE LEAD (ex machina), Tuesday, 6 December 2005 17:51 (eighteen years ago) link

The last time I revived this thread, we got an awesome story. Will we be so luck this time?

check

― Baaderonixx weaves a daisy chain for... SATAN!! (baaderonixx), Wednesday, 7 December 2005 18:09 (eighteen years ago) link

let's start a band & name it The Mingled Juices

― zaxxon25 (zaxxon25), Wednesday, 7 December 2005 19:13 (eighteen years ago) link

we could cover "Come Together"

― zaxxon25 (zaxxon25), Wednesday, 7 December 2005 19:14 (eighteen years ago) link

That story is even better than the last one, Michael. Have you told your partner about this thread? I'd be more worried about her than the cats.

― moley, Wednesday, 7 December 2005 20:42 (eighteen years ago) link

I haven't but it's hardly a secret.

― M. White (Miguelito), Wednesday, 7 December 2005 20:47 (eighteen years ago) link

Awesome.

― Sick Mouthy (Nick Southall), Thursday, 8 December 2005 14:13 (eighteen years ago) link

To my consternation, I had to dismount to get him off.

― Dan (Who Needs Context?) Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 8 December 2005 14:15 (eighteen years ago) link

And the judges only gave me a 6.7.

― M. White (Miguelito), Thursday, 8 December 2005 14:56 (eighteen years ago) link

One morning, not long after getting up, I was having breakfast with my girlfriend, when her big daft dog came lumbering in. Normally me and said dog didn't really get on - there was no animosity between us, but he seemed constantly unimpressed by me, and pretty much ignored me most of the time. This morning though, he came bounding up to me, jumped into my lap, and started licking my face. Normally I'd have stopped him, but I was quite happy to see him suddenly taking an interest in me, so I let him carry on for a few minutes, while me and xgf laughed about it. And then I pushed him down...and he leapt back up again. And I tried a couple more times, but just couldn't stop him, he was intent on carrying on licking me. And then gf said "erm...have you washed your face this morning?". Me: "Um, no, not yet". GF: "So you've not washed it since we were in bed last night?". Me: "...........oh god".

And yeah, we realised big friendly dog had been busily slurping up dried pussy juice from my chin. I abandoned breakfast and went for a shower.

― sorry but I just HAD to, Thursday, 8 December 2005 15:55 (eighteen years ago) link

They's how they get dogs in the movies to feign affection. They have a special crew member that just supplies pussy juice.

― Paunchy Stratego (kenan), Thursday, 8 December 2005 15:56 (eighteen years ago) link

http://sportsbybrooks.com/juiceman.jpg

― slow jamz and white guy indie acoustic shit (Chris V), Thursday, 8 December 2005 16:07 (eighteen years ago) link

one year passes...

They have a special crew member that just supplies pussy juice.
They have a special crew member that just supplies pussy juice.
They have a special crew member that just supplies pussy juice.
They have a special crew member that just supplies pussy juice.
They have a special crew member that just supplies pussy juice.
They have a special crew member that just supplies pussy juice.
They have a special crew member that just supplies pussy juice.
They have a special crew member that just supplies pussy juice.
They have a special crew member that just supplies pussy juice.
They have a special crew member that just supplies pussy juice.
They have a special crew member that just supplies pussy juice.
They have a special crew member that just supplies pussy juice.
They have a special crew member that just supplies pussy juice.
They have a special crew member that just supplies pussy juice.
They have a special crew member that just supplies pussy juice.
They have a special crew member that just supplies pussy juice.
They have a special crew member that just supplies pussy juice.
They have a special crew member that just supplies pussy juice.
They have a special crew member that just supplies pussy juice.
They have a special crew member that just supplies pussy juice.

― HI DERE, Thursday, 28 June 2007 02:53 (sixteen years ago) link

OH GOD NO.

― Trayce, Thursday, 28 June 2007 03:51 (sixteen years ago) link

guys i was just playing pinball with michael white, you had to revive this?

― the schef (adam schefter ha ha), Thursday, 28 June 2007 05:41 (sixteen years ago) link

mr kitty hasn't gone on ball attack mode in years. he must be due for it again.

― the schef (adam schefter ha ha), Thursday, 28 June 2007 05:41 (sixteen years ago) link

This thread is just the best isn't it.

― Pashmina, Thursday, 28 June 2007 10:06 (sixteen years ago) link

are we talking adult dogs/cats, or baby dogs/cats?

― ken c, Thursday, 28 June 2007 10:15 (sixteen years ago) link

two years pass...

holy hell, this thread

― Cheese? In MY coffee? (It's more likely than you think!) (HI DERE), Wednesday, 12 May 2010 19:40 (fourteen years ago) link

Somehow I knew I must have posted on this thread...

― Il suffit de ne pas l'envier (Michael White), Wednesday, 12 May 2010 19:44 (fourteen years ago) link

it's kind of amazing that neither of your stories can stand up to "They have a special crew member that just supplies pussy juice."

― Cheese? In MY coffee? (It's more likely than you think!) (HI DERE), Wednesday, 12 May 2010 19:46 (fourteen years ago) link

I like to think of that job as the lady-fluffer

― Il suffit de ne pas l'envier (Michael White), Wednesday, 12 May 2010 20:02 (fourteen years ago) link

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