Have You Ever Shit Your Pants?

(Thankfully this was in 1998 and 24hrs later bits of the site were flooded with faeces anyway, so I doubt anyone noticed).

the night before we ate local market scallops on the barbie. oops. the next morning i got up and went to the toilet with my guts churning. This wasn't like your regular runny tummy - this was beyond pebbledash, this was bad, this was like pissing out of my arse, gallons and gallons of the stuff.

Oh if i could minute every torturous bump and rev and braking in that car. we had this stuff called diocalm. the stated daily dose was 6 tablets a day i necked 'em tablets 2 an hour for the next 14 hours. the car was boiling, dry heat 80F-ish, i was drinkin about 2ltr water per hour. Diocalm gave my bowels a half-chance, they were straining at the leash, ferocious but i could just about clench it back. Without that stuff the inside of our car would have have looked like chocolate Coronation Street but smelt a lot worse. this was nothing short of karmic payback. payback for all the times i'd sung running down the gutter like a melted piece of butter, diarrohea, diarreaha - people think it's funny but it's really wet and runny, diarrohea etc. i butt-clenched my way through countless service station lobbies so i could go lose another six pints. some of those toilets were so traumatizing they turned black and white in my memory within five minutes of leaving them.

the texture was interresting to say the least

wtf?

when i got attacked in an alley in dublin with a 2x4 i shit my pants!
-- jergins (jergins), Wednesday, April 19, 2006 10:58 AM

diversionary tactic

gershy with the crucial revive, but surprised he went jergins over blanchard.

you always hurt the ones you love

i was about to tell this story again

omg gershy loves jergins!!

gaiershy

http://www.cornelishollander.com/ch/images/braille.jpg

there was some message board a while back that had a thread on this.

It spanned hundreds of pages...I laughed, cried, and learned a lot about life.

oh, and to answer the question, the last time I did I was like 9 years old. Couple of photo finishes maybe but my sphincter is made of steel.

my sphincter is made of steel.
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/f/fa/Batfink.gif/150px-Batfink.gif

Back in '99, I had my first Valentine's date with my girlfriend at the time. She was very smart (recent college graduate) and was also a sexy burlesque model. So I took her to this fancy mafia-style steakhouse that had lots of red velvet and a piano.

I ordered a 30 ounce steak. Now, it's important to note that I'm only 5'7" and have a pretty slight build. But the steak was AMAZING, and the company was easily its equal.

Before I knew it, I had about one bite to go. Accompanying this bite was an unexpected shart. I excused myself, and made it to the bathroom in time to see the first bite poking out the other end. I threw away my boxers, cleaned up, and returned to the meal.

I told her I was "under the weather" and we did not make out that Valentine's day. I also did not tell her this story until about two years later.

Hasn't happened again since, even when I was on tour with food poisoning.

some dude posted a story on the net once about how he was driving a car with his girlfriend and her mother and he had to take a humongous shit but there was nowhere to stop for miles (I think he was in a country town).

So he pulled over to the side of the road, went somewhere "private" and took a shit in a dumpster, casually but not efficiently wiping his ass with his boxers, which he threw in the dumpster as well.

So he got back in the car and it was a hot day on top of that and the ac wasn't working real well. So with the poo fumes and the heat, apparently he had to stop the car every 10 minutes so that his gf's mother could get out to throw up.

Just once, after crystal meth and 12 vodka tonics. I deserved it.

Apropos de rien: Don't let yr main daily meals be salad for too many days in a row.

"shart" omg

"one of the ten best shits of my life"

jayblanchard.xls

Couple of photo finishes maybe but my sphincter is made of steel.

-- Bo Jackson Overdrive, Sunday, December 9, 2007 7:13 AM (3 months ago) Bookmark Link

RIP

1nce or fore times since i was tewelve, but who r u to judge, only god can judge my anus

Once at Glastonbury, on a combination of magic mushrooms and alcohol. The weather was atrocious that year too - after throwing my boxers away, and cleaning myself up mostly with newspaper, I ambled over to buy some toilet roll, only to be told there would be fifteen minutes wait. I struggled for 2 minutes, then passed out and fell face down into a giant mud puddle. Then I went to see Coldcut.

Another time, in between Xmas and New Year 1997. A friend had invited me over to her flat to get shitfaced. She'd started at 4, I got there at 9 and decided to play catchup, drinking half pints of vodka and JD to do so..the last I remember was her giving me a cup of tea, and then passing out on her bathroom floor. I came round to vomit into her toilet and shat myself at the same time. I left her flat at 4am, with my shitted boxers in a bag, having vomited in every room in her flat.

a combination of magic mushrooms and alcohol

Pretty much a sure fire guarantee of some kind of vom/shite/piss related bodily dysfunction.

I am lolling like a maniac reading this thread. Actually it would be ironic if I shat myself from laughing so much...

How come most of these stories are of British provenance (near as I can tell)? Are Brits most prone to shitting their pants?

Oh, and for me, bits and pieces here and there but never the whole show since baby times.

P.S. There's some amazing writing on this thread, e.g. "some of those toilets were so traumatizing they turned black and white in my memory within five minutes of leaving them."

P.P.S. Some of the causes are almost as wretch-inducing as the effects, e.g. "after crystal meth and 12 vodka tonics."

Some of the commenters here might consider submitting their contributions to "The Poop Report".

http://www.poopreport.com

Another time, in between Xmas and New Year 1997. A friend had invited me over to her flat to get shitfaced. She'd started at 4, I got there at 9 and decided to play catchup, drinking half pints of vodka and JD to do so..the last I remember was her giving me a cup of tea, and then passing out on her bathroom floor

lightweight

maybe he was, but his pants sure weren't.....

One of my favorites. or

"I'm good twice a year for that."