You asked for it: Why do men name their genitalia?

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Why is that? Why do men name their penises? No women I know have ever named their genitalia (though there are the few who name their boobs) - but why? WHY?
-- luna (luna_cee...), July 7th, 2003 12:28 PM. (later)

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Luna's question IS a good one and probably deserves its own thread. I have never named mine and figure anyone who did was completely nuts.

-- Ned Raggett (ne...), July 7th, 2003 12:30 PM. (later)

― luna (luna.c), Monday, 7 July 2003 18:33 (twenty-three years ago)

I WANT ANSWERS, PEOPLE.

― luna (luna.c), Monday, 7 July 2003 18:33 (twenty-three years ago)

First, we should ask all the men out there if it's true, cause I've never known anybody who did, unless they were asked on the spot 'do you have a name for your dick?' and fabricated one.

― oops (Oops), Monday, 7 July 2003 18:36 (twenty-three years ago)

(Having said this, I've known two "henry"s, a "billy", and yes, god it was hard not to laugh at this, a "mr. happy").

― luna (luna.c), Monday, 7 July 2003 18:36 (twenty-three years ago)

Well see, I already know it's true, and in none of the above-referenced instances did I ever ask - I was told quite freely.

― luna (luna.c), Monday, 7 July 2003 18:37 (twenty-three years ago)

And in one case, it was in the form of, 'he prefers to be called _______.'

― luna (luna.c), Monday, 7 July 2003 18:38 (twenty-three years ago)

Luna, please tell me you immediately castrated that person.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 7 July 2003 18:39 (twenty-three years ago)

well, maybe they wanted to make you comfortable with said appendage. I mean, don't you want to know the name of the thing you're gonna be kissing?

― oops (Oops), Monday, 7 July 2003 18:40 (twenty-three years ago)

It's always more classic when someone else names it for you.

(My standard answer: Abdication of responsibility. Name your dick and you're halfway down the road of anthropomorphizing it; once it's a seperate, sentient being, you ccan blame all of your dirty thoughts on it and retain a pristine self-image. It's like going to confession only it ends in spooge. Yes, I am purposely leaving that joke wide open.)

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 7 July 2003 18:40 (twenty-three years ago)

according to a friend, an acquaintance has named his "slappy." ha. ha.

― Maria (Maria), Monday, 7 July 2003 18:40 (twenty-three years ago)

You assume a lot, buttch.

And no, Ned, but I did laugh in his face. It had the same basic effect.

― luna (luna.c), Monday, 7 July 2003 18:40 (twenty-three years ago)

er, I've never named mine either.

― jel -- (jel), Monday, 7 July 2003 18:40 (twenty-three years ago)

I mean, don't you want to know the name of the thing you're gonna be kissing?

"Did you ever know that you're my HEEEEEEEEEEERO....?"

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 7 July 2003 18:40 (twenty-three years ago)

Why would anyone do this?

― Ed (dali), Monday, 7 July 2003 18:41 (twenty-three years ago)

check out the "local scene" thread for hilarious story of my two-foot wang.

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Monday, 7 July 2003 18:42 (twenty-three years ago)

It's like going to confession only it ends in spooge

When doesn't confession end in spooge?

― luna (luna.c), Monday, 7 July 2003 18:43 (twenty-three years ago)

Why would anyone do this?

in case they lost it? You know with a name tag and everything.

― jel -- (jel), Monday, 7 July 2003 18:43 (twenty-three years ago)

i should start a thread 'why do women get naked with men who would name their dicks?"

― oops (Oops), Monday, 7 July 2003 18:43 (twenty-three years ago)

Sometimes you don't find out about the name until you're already naked.

Don't ask me how I know.

― luna (luna.c), Monday, 7 July 2003 18:44 (twenty-three years ago)

When doesn't confession end in spooge?

On Thursdays confession ends in a bake sale.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 7 July 2003 18:44 (twenty-three years ago)

sometimes???
that's what I mean though...your screening process leaves much to be desired.

― oops (Oops), Monday, 7 July 2003 18:45 (twenty-three years ago)

I knew a Mr Peabody once.

(Don't ask)

― C J (C J), Monday, 7 July 2003 18:45 (twenty-three years ago)

Perhaps I should start asking people as soon as I meet them. "Hi, I'm Aimee, yes, lovely to meet you, and by the way, do you have a name for your penis? No? Would you like one?"

That's it. I'm going to start a penis naming service.

― luna (luna.c), Monday, 7 July 2003 18:45 (twenty-three years ago)

No Dan, some of the letters got smudged on that Bake Sale sign. There's a 'u' and 'k' in there somewhere.

― oops (Oops), Monday, 7 July 2003 18:46 (twenty-three years ago)

I have never done this myself (okay, once I may have called it 'junior' when I was very drunk); I do have an ex however that referred to it as "Kong" fairly often.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Monday, 7 July 2003 18:46 (twenty-three years ago)

b-but surely you can't name anything until you know what it looks like?

Oh. Right.

― C J (C J), Monday, 7 July 2003 18:47 (twenty-three years ago)

I bet most men secretly call theirs 'Moby'

― C J (C J), Monday, 7 July 2003 18:47 (twenty-three years ago)

"bake sale" ==> "bukake salad"

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 7 July 2003 18:48 (twenty-three years ago)

No no, I was planning to assign random names.

― luna (luna.c), Monday, 7 July 2003 18:48 (twenty-three years ago)

I thought confession ended in "Hail Mary"s and "How's Your Father"s and "Bob's Your Uncle"s and such. We never had bake sales.

― Kenan Hebert (kenan), Monday, 7 July 2003 18:48 (twenty-three years ago)

Hail Mary was code

― luna (luna.c), Monday, 7 July 2003 18:49 (twenty-three years ago)

(insert 'clearly' into the above post)

― luna (luna.c), Monday, 7 July 2003 18:49 (twenty-three years ago)

It would be better if "Hail Mary" was post-hypnotic suggestion.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 7 July 2003 18:49 (twenty-three years ago)

I knew a Mr Peabody once.

Was the guy's name Sherman?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 7 July 2003 18:52 (twenty-three years ago)

Sheds a new light on the way-back machine...

― luna (luna.c), Monday, 7 July 2003 18:54 (twenty-three years ago)

So the whole cartoon series was a sort of Fight Club experience where Sherman was really just talking to his penis and pretend it could warp the space-time continuum?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 7 July 2003 18:55 (twenty-three years ago)

Yours can't?

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 7 July 2003 18:55 (twenty-three years ago)

Well now I'm jealous.

― luna (luna.c), Monday, 7 July 2003 18:56 (twenty-three years ago)

Why do I have the feeling Dan uses this quality of his personage to do things like visit the Virgin Mary and give her tidings of great joy?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 7 July 2003 18:57 (twenty-three years ago)

It's just one of those things.

― luna (luna.c), Monday, 7 July 2003 18:57 (twenty-three years ago)

My cock has no name.

It has occasionally been playfully called both "Jimmy" and "Moby."

Neither of those names were given by me.

― Ian Johnson (elmo oxygen), Monday, 7 July 2003 18:58 (twenty-three years ago)

I decided that only something onomatopoeic would an appropriate name, so.

― Tep (ktepi), Monday, 7 July 2003 19:00 (twenty-three years ago)

So...?

― luna (luna.c), Monday, 7 July 2003 19:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Squish.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 7 July 2003 19:01 (twenty-three years ago)

There really should have been an ellipsis up there, or a Mab Libs style _____.

― Tep (ktepi), Monday, 7 July 2003 19:02 (twenty-three years ago)

Wham!

― Kenan Hebert (kenan), Monday, 7 July 2003 19:02 (twenty-three years ago)

"Do... you... enjoy what you do?"

― Kenan Hebert (kenan), Monday, 7 July 2003 19:02 (twenty-three years ago)

'Bingo Thingo'

― oops (Oops), Monday, 7 July 2003 19:03 (twenty-three years ago)

I don't think I've ever hear a penis make a noise.

― N. (nickdastoor), Monday, 7 July 2003 19:03 (twenty-three years ago)

"Make It Clap" - Busta Rhymes

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 7 July 2003 19:04 (twenty-three years ago)

Skipping 21 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

I can't imagine naming my dick any more than I would name my nose or elbow.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Monday, 7 July 2003 19:34 (twenty-three years ago)

I think Dick Turpin would be good.

― C J (C J), Monday, 7 July 2003 19:36 (twenty-three years ago)

At least Dick Turpin wore a mask when he was robbing you.

― Lara (Lara), Monday, 7 July 2003 19:42 (twenty-three years ago)

I knew people who had named their wingwangs back when I was in grade school but no one I've ever slept with has admitted to naming their piddlestick.

― Chris P (Chris P), Monday, 7 July 2003 19:43 (twenty-three years ago)

CJ, you don't find the killer condom, it finds you.

― N. (nickdastoor), Monday, 7 July 2003 19:54 (twenty-three years ago)

Well, I suppose Moby is a bit of a dick. How about Bono or Axl?

I've never named mine, maybe I just have no imagination, but such a thing would remind me of that k-rub 80s 'Wicked Willy' cartoon and paraphenalia.

― Chewshabadoo (Chewshabadoo), Monday, 7 July 2003 20:11 (twenty-three years ago)

Because we don't want 99% of our decisions made by a stranger, is how the old line goes, innit?

― sundar subramanian (sundar), Monday, 7 July 2003 20:27 (twenty-three years ago)

i have never named my c8ck, but have referred to my genitalia as:
the wife and kids downstairs

/loser

― kephm, Monday, 7 July 2003 20:27 (twenty-three years ago)

there is a client 'ruby dick' here at work/i am 12.

― kephm, Monday, 7 July 2003 20:30 (twenty-three years ago)

i name all my body parts.

nose: Lark Voorhees
elbow: Karl
penis: Beck
balls: Bunim and Murray
left thigh: Laswell
nipples: Loggins and Messina

― chaki (chaki), Monday, 7 July 2003 20:31 (twenty-three years ago)

well who can top that?

― luna (luna.c), Monday, 7 July 2003 20:34 (twenty-three years ago)

I wish I'd thought to name one of my nipples after Kenny Loggins....

― Lara (Lara), Monday, 7 July 2003 20:34 (twenty-three years ago)

my heart's name is chaki

― stevem (blueski), Monday, 7 July 2003 20:34 (twenty-three years ago)

Aaaah, Attack Of The Killer Condoms... thank you, Nick

― donut bitch (donut), Monday, 7 July 2003 20:35 (twenty-three years ago)

CHAki only has 6 body parts! California is strange.

― kephm, Monday, 7 July 2003 20:41 (twenty-three years ago)

He has given them names so he can claim child support for them.

― Lara (Lara), Monday, 7 July 2003 20:42 (twenty-three years ago)

well he can do three more then... you can claim up to 9

― luna (luna.c), Monday, 7 July 2003 21:21 (twenty-three years ago)

"oh, you mean Ringo"

we had a dude in college who actually sat down and pondered this decision. Finally I just suggested 'Vlad' and he thought that was the greatest idea ever. I still worry about him.

― Millar (Millar), Monday, 7 July 2003 21:40 (twenty-three years ago)

well it's slightly more original than 'the anaconda of love'

― luna (luna.c), Monday, 7 July 2003 21:44 (twenty-three years ago)

which, I suppose, is a little wordy

― luna (luna.c), Monday, 7 July 2003 21:45 (twenty-three years ago)

Ringo was 63 years old today.

― N. (nickdastoor), Monday, 7 July 2003 21:45 (twenty-three years ago)

From now on, whenever I see Vlade Divac I will think of Millar's friend and his "friend".

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 7 July 2003 21:46 (twenty-three years ago)

See, I was going more with Vlad the Impaler, but shit, now I will, too.

Thankfully I rarely see Vlade.

― luna (luna.c), Monday, 7 July 2003 21:49 (twenty-three years ago)

To make it comfortable when you talk to it.

― Cozen (Cozen), Monday, 7 July 2003 21:53 (twenty-three years ago)

I'd be decidedly uncomfortable if it talked back though

― C J (C J), Tuesday, 8 July 2003 06:57 (twenty-three years ago)

That is a disturbing thought

― luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 8 July 2003 06:58 (twenty-three years ago)

It almost warrants a new thread : "What would your penis say if it could talk?"

― C J (C J), Tuesday, 8 July 2003 07:07 (twenty-three years ago)

why do men name their genitalia?

only the lonely

― Chris Radford (Chris Radford), Tuesday, 8 July 2003 07:10 (twenty-three years ago)

Roy Orbison?

― C J (C J), Tuesday, 8 July 2003 07:21 (twenty-three years ago)

I'd be decidedly uncomfortable if it talked back though

CHATTERBOX TO THREAD

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 8 July 2003 10:24 (twenty-three years ago)

I have no name for my penis but when i'm ready to get busy i scream out at the top of my lungs "On my signal unleash hell!"

― Chris V. (Chris V), Tuesday, 8 July 2003 10:46 (twenty-three years ago)

Stopped saying "bingo!" then?

― Ed (dali), Tuesday, 8 July 2003 10:48 (twenty-three years ago)

thats at the climax.

― Chris V. (Chris V), Tuesday, 8 July 2003 10:50 (twenty-three years ago)

"What would your penis say if it could talk?"

"Use more lube."

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Tuesday, 8 July 2003 11:07 (twenty-three years ago)

my penis is named egbert b/c it resembles a christian puppet from my childhood.

― anthony easton (anthony), Tuesday, 8 July 2003 11:21 (twenty-three years ago)

My girlfriend named mine.

― Stuart (Stuart), Tuesday, 8 July 2003 16:19 (twenty-three years ago)

Please don't tell me she named it 'gonzomoose'.

― N. (nickdastoor), Tuesday, 8 July 2003 17:18 (twenty-three years ago)

It was drunk, stoned and convinced it had antlers; what else could she call it?

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 8 July 2003 17:19 (twenty-three years ago)

Is the first 'it' the penis or the girlfriend?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 8 July 2003 17:31 (twenty-three years ago)

"It puts the lotion in the basket or else it gets THE HOSE again."

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 8 July 2003 17:32 (twenty-three years ago)

If the 'it' is a girlfriend there, the implication would be that one would desire 'it' to squeeze the lotion out of a basket or batch via attached biological mechanisms.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 8 July 2003 17:34 (twenty-three years ago)

Ned refers to a girlfriend as 'it'? It gets worse.

― N. (nickdastoor), Tuesday, 8 July 2003 17:35 (twenty-three years ago)

Your girlfriend gets worse?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 8 July 2003 17:36 (twenty-three years ago)

"Hi, my name is Ned and it is Amanda."

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 8 July 2003 17:37 (twenty-three years ago)

Substitute 'Dan' and 'Joei' there and do that at your next party. Hilarious results!

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 8 July 2003 17:38 (twenty-three years ago)

three months pass...

My God, this thread was classic.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 7 November 2003 23:36 (twenty-two years ago)

Oh dear dear dear.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 7 November 2003 23:46 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm drunk. Should I email Dibb?

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Friday, 7 November 2003 23:47 (twenty-two years ago)

Men name their genitalia?

― Curt1s St3ph3ns, Saturday, 8 November 2003 03:16 (twenty-two years ago)

Yep.

― luna (luna.c), Saturday, 8 November 2003 03:21 (twenty-two years ago)

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