Who Wants to Marry A Totally Broke Dude?

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I mean, hey, I have 8 dollars to my name (that's including the unobtainable $3 in my chequing acct) until tomorrow, I'm well-respected and adored by my mother (who says I'm handsome, or rather that I WOULD be, if only I got a decent haircut and proper attire befitting a young man of my countenance), am firmly entrenched in a dead-end job that is eating away at my very soul, and am generally considered to be a funny person (funny ha-ha or funny odd depends on who says so). Also, I'm not too bad in bed.

So, what about it. I mean, what the hell?

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Wednesday, 7 May 2003 17:34 (twenty years ago) link

My girlfriend to thread!

― Nordicskillz (Nordicskillz), Wednesday, 7 May 2003 17:36 (twenty years ago) link

Oops- not because she'd marry you Horace (how that might read) but because she is marrying an actual broke dude - me.

― Nordicskillz (Nordicskillz), Wednesday, 7 May 2003 17:37 (twenty years ago) link

that you're the first respondent, Nordic, confirms my suspiscions that I will die an old, lonely, and suspiscious man.

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Wednesday, 7 May 2003 17:37 (twenty years ago) link

Is gay marriage legal where you live, Horace?

― hstencil, Wednesday, 7 May 2003 17:38 (twenty years ago) link

Don't knock 8 dollars. Spent wisely, that's a fair amount of beer. Nothing takes the sting out of being broke like being drunk (and even broker).

― Kenan Hebert (kenan), Wednesday, 7 May 2003 17:38 (twenty years ago) link

You have $8, but do you have debts?

that you're the first respondent, Nordic, confirms my suspiscions that I will die an old, lonely, and suspiscious man.

You can count on me, buddy.

― Nordicskillz (Nordicskillz), Wednesday, 7 May 2003 17:39 (twenty years ago) link

my wife married a totally broke dude.

― Chris V. (Chris V), Wednesday, 7 May 2003 17:39 (twenty years ago) link

Thank you for being a friend
Traveled down the road and back again
Your heart is true you're a pal and a confidant.

And if you through a party
Invited everyone you ever knew
You would see the biggest gift would be from me
And the card attached would say thank you for being a friend.

― Nordicskillz (Nordicskillz), Wednesday, 7 May 2003 17:40 (twenty years ago) link

I once texted the Golden Girls and Friends theme tune lyrics to a friend of mine, and she didn't recognize them, thought I was having some kind of nervous breakdown.

― Nordicskillz (Nordicskillz), Wednesday, 7 May 2003 17:41 (twenty years ago) link

Are you asking us to set you up with someone?

― Nordicskillz (Nordicskillz), Wednesday, 7 May 2003 17:41 (twenty years ago) link

oh yeah, I have debts. shit. thanks for reminding me, as of midnight tonight I will have negative 92 dollars thanks to student loans automatic payments.

and gay marriage is nearly legal in Canada. And my mom's in the United Church, so she'd still be proud.

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Wednesday, 7 May 2003 17:42 (twenty years ago) link

Money money money money MONEY!

Nope, it's not everything. Plus, you get paid tomorrow, right? And you're a 'handsomish boy.'

― Sarah McLUsky (coco), Wednesday, 7 May 2003 17:44 (twenty years ago) link

no, I'm not really asking to be set up.
A colleague was asking me about furniture ("what's the opposite of furniture?"), and I just thought about how slightly pathetic my bachelorhood has become, and y'know, that sort of thing is best fixed by legally entwining your misery with that of someone else, so, hey! My dad had 2 kids and a third on the way when he was my age, so, like, I should get married. This month.

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Wednesday, 7 May 2003 17:45 (twenty years ago) link

Seems to me you're missing a golden opportunity to be gay without horrible, crushing, suicidal guilt and confusion. You need to switch teams now... for all the kids who don't have the opportunities you have.

― Kenan Hebert (kenan), Wednesday, 7 May 2003 17:45 (twenty years ago) link

http://www.cnn.com/WORLD/americas/9905/20/canada.gay.right/story.gay.canada.gif

― Nordicskillz (Nordicskillz), Wednesday, 7 May 2003 17:45 (twenty years ago) link

http://www.cspi.org/books/g/gaycanada.jpg

― Nordicskillz (Nordicskillz), Wednesday, 7 May 2003 17:46 (twenty years ago) link

as of midnight tonight I will have negative 92 dollars thanks to student loans automatic payments.
Aha! Why I don't use automatic debit for my student loans...

― Sarah MCLUsky (coco), Wednesday, 7 May 2003 17:47 (twenty years ago) link

http://www.filibustercartoons.com/gay.gif

― Nordicskillz (Nordicskillz), Wednesday, 7 May 2003 17:47 (twenty years ago) link

I believe what you're looking for is: http://www.nerve.com. ;-)

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Wednesday, 7 May 2003 17:48 (twenty years ago) link

http://gayjourney.com/maps/canada.jpg

― Nordicskillz (Nordicskillz), Wednesday, 7 May 2003 17:49 (twenty years ago) link

My mom was married when she was 19, but I'm not worried about living up to that. Plus, she's divorced now.

Are you miserable single? Do you really need to get married or just get a nice steady?

― Sarah McLUsky (coco), Wednesday, 7 May 2003 17:49 (twenty years ago) link

Marriage ain't all its cracked up to be. ;)

― Chris V. (Chris V), Wednesday, 7 May 2003 17:50 (twenty years ago) link

Oh, don't. Please.

― Nordicskillz (Nordicskillz), Wednesday, 7 May 2003 17:51 (twenty years ago) link

Chris, did you have a bachelor party/stag night/whatever you call it over there?

― Nordicskillz (Nordicskillz), Wednesday, 7 May 2003 17:51 (twenty years ago) link

Do you really need to get married or just get a nice steady?

Okay, then rephrase the question. Who wants to blow a totally broke dude?

― Kenan Hebert (kenan), Wednesday, 7 May 2003 17:52 (twenty years ago) link

yes, but it didn't involve any strippers or anything like that. I don't go for that. We BBQ'd in the afternoon, drank beer and played baseball. Then we went to Mohegan Sun Casino for a night out gambling, drinking and eating.

― Chris V. (Chris V), Wednesday, 7 May 2003 17:54 (twenty years ago) link

I live in fear of my friends playing a horrible "joke" on me at mine. I don't like surprises. Yours sounds good.

― Nordicskillz (Nordicskillz), Wednesday, 7 May 2003 17:55 (twenty years ago) link

no surprises. just a bunch of assholes imitating the movie "Swingers" all night.

― Chris V. (Chris V), Wednesday, 7 May 2003 17:56 (twenty years ago) link

I'm hoping we'll imitate "Lost Boys". That would be cool. "Very Bad Things", however...

― Nordicskillz (Nordicskillz), Wednesday, 7 May 2003 17:58 (twenty years ago) link

better yet would be a Goonies-themed bachelor party.

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Wednesday, 7 May 2003 17:59 (twenty years ago) link

But without the scary guy whose name escapes me for now.

― Nordicskillz (Nordicskillz), Wednesday, 7 May 2003 18:02 (twenty years ago) link

http://fms.komkon.org/fMSX/snaps/Goonies.gif

― Nordicskillz (Nordicskillz), Wednesday, 7 May 2003 18:03 (twenty years ago) link

Corey Feldman?

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Wednesday, 7 May 2003 18:03 (twenty years ago) link

*rimshot*

― Nordicskillz (Nordicskillz), Wednesday, 7 May 2003 18:05 (twenty years ago) link

We must bring this back to the top of the list as it's very important.

Mr. Mann, What are you looking for in your life mate?

― Sarah McLUsky (coco), Wednesday, 7 May 2003 18:31 (twenty years ago) link

I know a very nice girl who'd like to have a date with you, Horace!

― Bryan (Bryan), Wednesday, 7 May 2003 18:33 (twenty years ago) link

If you can dance, I know a girl who might be interested.

― Nordicskillz (Nordicskillz), Wednesday, 7 May 2003 18:34 (twenty years ago) link

I too know of even a couple girls who would be interested, but I'm not gonna introduce you, cuz I called dibs!

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Wednesday, 7 May 2003 18:47 (twenty years ago) link

I can dance, but not well (or in a dignified manner).

What are you looking for in your life mate?

Here it would be funny (although probably not at all uncommon) for me to--having pointed out my many shortcomings--have unrealistic expectations as to the standars a woman must live up to in order for me to be satisfied.

Alas, I am no hypocrite (in that dept. at least). My ideal woman must posess:
1. Sense of humour
2. Patience
3. Independence (because sometimes I just like to be alone, and someone who doesn't understand that, well, they wouldn't understand)
4. At the very least an interest in artistic/cultural things.
5. Patience
6. whatever the opposite of gullibility is, because sometimes I say outrageous things with no basis in fact
7. A tender heart

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Wednesday, 7 May 2003 18:49 (twenty years ago) link

Hey, I'm all that. How far are you from Winnipeg?

― Jodi (Celerina), Wednesday, 7 May 2003 18:53 (twenty years ago) link

You two could meet for coffee in Virden!

― Sean Carruthers (SeanC), Wednesday, 7 May 2003 18:56 (twenty years ago) link

And a bag of chips, Jodi?

― Sarah MCLUsky (coco), Wednesday, 7 May 2003 18:56 (twenty years ago) link

back off, Jodi, I saw him first!

(a popular technique learned from the auction house)

― Helouise Manfredd (Horace Mann), Wednesday, 7 May 2003 18:58 (twenty years ago) link

And they lived happily ever after...

― Sarah McLUsky (coco), Wednesday, 7 May 2003 18:59 (twenty years ago) link

You really should add "has money" to your list, Horace.

― Kenan Hebert (kenan), Wednesday, 7 May 2003 19:01 (twenty years ago) link

Of course there are chips, too! Snack foods are important.

― Jodi (Celerina), Wednesday, 7 May 2003 19:02 (twenty years ago) link

Seriously, look at all the fine places to eat in Virden! The Elegant Moose! The Bump and Pit! And while you're there you can gaze in awe at Bill Murray Motors and wonder what the hell a hollywood star would be doing running an auto dealership in Virden.

― Sean Carruthers (SeanC), Wednesday, 7 May 2003 19:02 (twenty years ago) link

How could a relationship that starts at the Bump and Pit go wrong?

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Wednesday, 7 May 2003 19:03 (twenty years ago) link

hey I'll die lonely but do I care?! do I?! pfft!

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Wednesday, 7 May 2003 19:03 (twenty years ago) link

Skipping 38 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

Mmm, bacon. The only reason I'm not a vegetarian.

― Jodi (Celerina), Thursday, 8 May 2003 04:34 (twenty years ago) link

Me too. Oh, and meat.

― Tep (ktepi), Thursday, 8 May 2003 04:35 (twenty years ago) link

Seems a shame to say anything here after that magical exchange, but I hereby rescind my self-imposed ban from posting, however reluctantly. Jodi knows I meant well and that's all that matters.

― Bryan (Bryan), Thursday, 8 May 2003 15:55 (twenty years ago) link

Booyah!

― Sarah Mclusky (coco), Thursday, 8 May 2003 15:55 (twenty years ago) link

also, I will insist on a pre-nup.

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Thursday, 8 May 2003 16:07 (twenty years ago) link

Is that like foreplay?

― Chris P (Chris P), Thursday, 8 May 2003 16:36 (twenty years ago) link

No, that'll be when they start whispering sweet nup-nups in each other's ears.

― Bryan (Bryan), Thursday, 8 May 2003 16:41 (twenty years ago) link

"That'd have to be in the nup, Bob."

― Chris P (Chris P), Thursday, 8 May 2003 16:43 (twenty years ago) link

I just want to make sure that when the marriage goes sour, my betrothed will agree to take half my worthless junk with her.

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Thursday, 8 May 2003 16:55 (twenty years ago) link

I only have a one-bedroom apartment. Just how much crap have you got?

― Jodi (Celerina), Thursday, 8 May 2003 17:03 (twenty years ago) link

Actually, I just moved into a zero bedroom apt (better, and more suitably known as a bachelor suite), and the local community radio station is having a fund-raising garage sale in a month, so I have gotten rid of most of my useless crap.
Useless things I kept:
Spongebob party decorations (my suite is too small for a party)
A Tahitian Lady whisk broom (she's topless [no nipples, though], a gift from my sister who though it was a hula girl, as I've lately had a fondness for indiginous [or whatever would be the best way to say non-hokey] Hawaiian culture, esp. music)
three Star Wars Pez dispensers (Darth Vader, Boba Fett and Chewbacca)
one Incredible Hulk Pez dispenser (that I've had since I was a wee Mann)
three frying pans (I really only need one, really)
cheque stubs from my formerly burgeoning freelance writing career
all the Kerouac books that I bought and read when I was 18/19 and wanted to BE him.

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Thursday, 8 May 2003 17:10 (twenty years ago) link

Well, to be fair, you should list all your useful possessions as well.

― Chris P (Chris P), Thursday, 8 May 2003 17:30 (twenty years ago) link

Yes, that would be helpful. Do you have a vacuum cleaner?

― Jodi (Celerina), Thursday, 8 May 2003 17:31 (twenty years ago) link

Dammit, I said useful possessions.

― Chris P (Chris P), Thursday, 8 May 2003 17:34 (twenty years ago) link

You're Kerouac to me, Horace. Kerouac with novelty Hawaiian frills.

― Nordicskillz (Nordicskillz), Thursday, 8 May 2003 17:47 (twenty years ago) link

How big is your TV, Horace? I could use a bigger TV.

― Jodi (Celerina), Thursday, 8 May 2003 17:48 (twenty years ago) link

He doesn't have one!

― Nordicskillz (Nordicskillz), Thursday, 8 May 2003 17:48 (twenty years ago) link

I have a non-electric vacuum-looking roller thing. I only have an area rug, the rest is hardwood (the WHOLE rest of it).

okay, useful things:
A great chef's knife (picked up a Safeway on Saturday for a song--and a dance, I love my Safeway, before a week ago today, I was only half a block away from it, I was there everyday, sometimes as many as three times, now I'm four blocks away)
a decent bike (two-wheeler)
a nice coffee table
a single-bed futon
a pull-out couch that's actually very light
a bunch of CDs in every genre except classical (someday, though, I'll finally explore opera)
a laptop computer
a remarkable amount of notebooks
a playstation (not PS2)
a small colour tv (used only for video games, and rarely at that even)
an unabridged edition of The Count of Monte Cristo in increasingly ill-repair (in direct result with my refusal to be further than five feet away from it all times)
a half-full bottle of exquisite Scotch
two bottles of Pilsner beer
two vine-ripened tomatoes
one celery stalk
half a bag of frozen perogies
an almost full bottle of Dijonaisse
three whole-grain bagels
an almost empty container of mediteranean salsa cream cheese
one box of pure orange juice
a nylon mesh baseball cap that reads "It Took Me 85 Years To Look This Good"
a poster of Ernest Hemingway shaking hands with Fidel Castro
a lock for said decent bike
three bookshelves full of assorted books
a nose for news

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Thursday, 8 May 2003 17:48 (twenty years ago) link

http://www.angelfire.com/ct2/swift/Allison.jpg

― Nordicskillz (Nordicskillz), Thursday, 8 May 2003 17:51 (twenty years ago) link

I thought your lady took the tv, Horace! You lied on ILX, shame on you.

― Nordicskillz (Nordicskillz), Thursday, 8 May 2003 17:52 (twenty years ago) link

no, I got (a shitty little) one from my brother, quite unexpectedly.

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Thursday, 8 May 2003 17:53 (twenty years ago) link

That picture is from a google for "Hawaiian crap", btw.

― Nordicskillz (Nordicskillz), Thursday, 8 May 2003 18:01 (twenty years ago) link

all things considered, that's nowhere near as bad as it could have been.

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Thursday, 8 May 2003 18:03 (twenty years ago) link

Also, Jodi, you should be aware, as I became during my morning bath, that I have very large feet, and large toes, even in proportion to my big-fat feet.

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Friday, 9 May 2003 13:48 (twenty years ago) link

Are you very unsubtly trying to tell her that you are extremely well-hung???

― Nordicskillz (Nordicskillz), Friday, 9 May 2003 14:01 (twenty years ago) link

no, I think I already mentioned that upthread. I'm serious, my feet are honkers.
I guess I never really noticed before, but my new apt. has no shower, so I've been taking baths lately, and my feet are ragers. You could park a pimped-out Esplanade on each of my dogs.

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Friday, 9 May 2003 14:05 (twenty years ago) link

Baths rock though, don't they?

― Nordicskillz (Nordicskillz), Friday, 9 May 2003 14:36 (twenty years ago) link

http://images.tvnz.co.nz/tvnzenterprises/common/brands_logo_big_dogs.gif

― Nordicskillz (Nordicskillz), Friday, 9 May 2003 14:37 (twenty years ago) link

they take so damn long, though. And you have to be all careful to get the temperature right.
But, you can't drink coffee and smoke in the shower.

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Friday, 9 May 2003 14:37 (twenty years ago) link

What's an Esplanade? Is that anything like that new SUV, the Escarole?

― Sean Carruthers (SeanC), Friday, 9 May 2003 14:40 (twenty years ago) link

isn't the Esplanade the Cadillac SUV?

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Friday, 9 May 2003 14:42 (twenty years ago) link

That's an EsCalade, no?

I only know that from watching Cribs, btw!

― Nordicskillz (Nordicskillz), Friday, 9 May 2003 14:46 (twenty years ago) link

http://www.limobuses.com/vehicles/escalade.gif

― Nordicskillz (Nordicskillz), Friday, 9 May 2003 14:48 (twenty years ago) link

yes. you are sooo right. I thought Esplanade was it, because doesn't that mean a walkway? And isn't that ironic?

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Friday, 9 May 2003 15:04 (twenty years ago) link

es·pla·nade ( P ) Pronunciation Key (spl-näd, -nd)
n.

A flat open stretch of pavement or grass, especially one designed as a promenade along a shore.

― Nordicskillz (Nordicskillz), Friday, 9 May 2003 15:06 (twenty years ago) link

thank you

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Friday, 9 May 2003 15:09 (twenty years ago) link

yeah we gots an esplanade is Boston.

― Chris V. (Chris V), Friday, 9 May 2003 15:10 (twenty years ago) link

and you walk on it.
which is why it would be funny if an anti-pedestrian machine was named that.

it would be like naming a pick-up truck the Crosswalk.

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Friday, 9 May 2003 15:11 (twenty years ago) link

So, had any luck, Horace?

― Nordicskillz (Nordicskillz), Monday, 12 May 2003 16:12 (twenty years ago) link

can't talk, on honeymoon

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Monday, 12 May 2003 16:59 (twenty years ago) link

You went without me?

― Jodi (Celerina), Monday, 12 May 2003 17:26 (twenty years ago) link

uh...
Oh my God! Who is this woman in bed with me? I was sure it was you! At least she reminded me of you. In that she's a women. Oh crap.

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Monday, 12 May 2003 17:27 (twenty years ago) link

How do you plan to sweet talk your way out of this one, lover boy?

― Jodi (Celerina), Monday, 12 May 2003 17:39 (twenty years ago) link

http://www.creativecyberspace.com/greetingcards/thumbs/candyheart.gif

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Monday, 12 May 2003 17:43 (twenty years ago) link

Awwww, how can you resist?

― Nordicskillz (Nordicskillz), Monday, 12 May 2003 17:50 (twenty years ago) link

Aw, smoochypants, all is forgiven. Come on home. Rest your giant feet on the coffee table and watch the clay-mation Conan O'Brien with me.

― Jodi (Celerina), Monday, 12 May 2003 17:55 (twenty years ago) link

(sigh) I do love you.

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Monday, 12 May 2003 17:57 (twenty years ago) link

SUCCESS!!!

― Bryan (Bryan), Monday, 12 May 2003 18:15 (twenty years ago) link

seven months pass...

http://personals.fark.com/profile.aspx?bookmark=nfAKIIpg8s4%3d

― @d@ml (nordicskilla), Monday, 5 January 2004 22:07 (twenty years ago) link

Now With 40% Less Money!

― Huckleberry Mann (Horace Mann), Tuesday, 6 January 2004 14:55 (twenty years ago) link

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