Best snippet of overheard conversation

The speaker - My ex.

Overheard by - the entire pub.

"Dammit, would you stop being so PC? It's not stereotyping to say that gay men aren't attracted to women, it's a fact..."
--A girl having a heated conversation at an early hour outside my window

"you're newly single? wow, i'm newly single too"

She: I used to think I quite liked Rembrandt, but then I decided there was too much brown.
He: I quite like the Impressionists.

I wondered by what means they had found themselves together at a Rembrandt show.

Similarly, when I went to see the movie The Elephant Man:

He: Oh, Anthony Hopkins. He's very good. He was in Psycho, you know.
She: Ooh, you don't half know a lot about films.

(I *hope* she meant 'pelmets')

actually though, now i think about it, kinda cheating, but in alan bennet's book 'writing home' he quotes one man in a donkey jacket shouting at another likewise dressed in the street saying
"look, there's NOTHING you can teach ME about road-sweeping..."

"Armed robbery's a very serious offence, you know!"

"Yeah so i got the money, got all me mates round to celebrate... Fish and chips all round, strawberries and champagne, you know, the works!"

He's my favourite person of the day.

Mother: "If we wanted to see tigers we would've visited daddy at work"

"I heard you was beatin' people up for oranges."

"It's a good thing I did go to jail. If I would have married her I'd have strangled her." (That one not quite verbatim. I was trying to keep track of too much, since the material kept coming.)

I live in kind of a rough neighborhood of Albuquerque, but it's not really that rough. Really. I wouldn't be here still if I felt threatened. I don't walk around at night though.

New neighbors. I'm not sure my landlord's mom does as good a job vetting new tenants as my landlord does.

"I heard you was beatin' people up for oranges."

lol

Also something like: "All I do now is kick it and blaze."

I think the guy he was talking to just got out of jail so it actually makes a little sense.

(said angrily, in an office-lunch type pub) "I'm *not* German and how do you know my name?"

heard a few years ago. still try to figure it out from time to time.

"...and then my therapist got in a car accident. It seems like everyone I get close to...everyone I touch... Well, thank you. Have a good morning. "

Guy in my office cafeteria, to the cashier.

LOL

10 am this morning on Whitechapel Road, London. A guy in his 60s with four of his front teeth missing, shouting down his mobile "Just put a gun in his mouf and rob him!"

I almost died, there was blood coming out of my ass. And he was like "don't shit in front of my house!"

fizzles could it have been "no I'm *germam* but how did you know my name?"

german

"It was so good I wanted to, like, motorboat the cheesecake."

woman in my office

high school girl to friend on the E train in Queens:

"Ranjit only got into Sarah Lawrence. Do you even know what Sarah Lawrence is?! It's like this college for rich kids who aren't dedicated."

I need to get my eyes checked. I keep shouting "Hey, bitch!" but then it's some cunt I don't even know

Love that this thread exists. A couple faves:

Mid-2000s, the mall, two 50/60something ladies: "I used to think Katie Holmes was a nice girl, but who knew she'd turn out to be such a nosebag."

A year-ish ago, the cafeteria at my university, two maintenance workers: "Yup, so many abortions that should've happened."

Just caught my own typo (autocorrect?). "Nosebag" should read "hosebag." Though overhearing someone call Katie Holmes a "nosebag" would also be memorable.

several times at work today I thought about a 50/60 something lady calling Katie Holmes a nosebag, I'm disappointed to find out it may never have happened.

I'm in the States:

Guy on phone:

'Yes, we have to show we're a millionaire company. He got his haircut, he's gonna wear a blazer, nice slacks. I'm getting a haircut right now, I'm at Supercuts'.

I seriously wish the entire world could be listening to this guy talk on his mobile phone.

Howd u get on?

(loud voice) 63, its bollox, he gave me 0 for 2 part ii and i know for a fact that-

Oh 2 part ii, the gaussian elimination?

......................
................ whats gaussian elimination

haha

20-something woman on subway, to friend: "To be honest I tried so many different kinds of beers and shots on St. Patrick's day that I wasn't even in control anymore, that was Jesus."

"I couldn't work in an office, that's not a real man's job!"

:(

"Is there a such a thing as tri-polar? Because I think..."

(Midwestern twang) "David BOOwie?? I don't know ANYBODY likes David Boowie!"

"That German dude? I would go elbow deep in that bitch."

There used to be and possibly still is a site called Overheard in Dublin.
Unfortunately despite starting as a very laugh out loud selection it got progressively diluted by banal shite taht just happened to be overheard.
It has put out a number of related books, I picked one up from a charity shop and it was a dozeathon. But I think the 1st one was good.

But yeah have heard a number of things that you wish you heard the context for over the years.

"... So I watch her gamble, but she has to watch me shop."

"I'm a lawyer. He's a jeweler. But not in a bad way."

I tried so many different kinds of beers and shots on St. Patrick's day that I wasn't even in control anymore, that was Jesus." Still too many people like this around.

One of the all-time threads, doing the Lord's work. Can't believe I never saw it before!

"Cubs... cubs... cubs... CUBS?"
"Cubs."

I didn't realize it was that serious. Of course he was always making jokes about how she had "water", but...

Male State Department Guard (loudly): ... buy a lot of alcohol and then drink Gatorade on the beach all day!
Female State Department Guard (disinterested, staring at her shoes): Oh yeah?
Male State Department Guard: Yeah, that's how you do it. You gotta forget your troubles, forget your problems!
Female State Department Guard: Forget about this place?

Reading that I was hoping FSDG would say "And go downtown?"

Walking out of ballet tonight, I won't do the accent:

"In Russia, is something similar. Is called Wampyrs ball. Is totally music only by Bonnie Tyler, is exact like this we have seen tonight but with wampyrs."

Not gonna lie to you I would totally rather have seen the Russian bonnie tyler wampyre wersion, and that statement us never not gonna be true whether I'm talking ballet or breakfast cereal.

a few weeks ago i passed two people standing outside a bar who were in the middle of what looked like a fairly intense debate. they quieted down as i walked by; a minute later, i heard one of them say, "it's only because the OTHER animals don't know how to milk the cow!"

(At Mcdonalds)

"Hi Chris, can you ask someone to please sanitize that table over there. We were just at mass and we're wearing our mass clothes. Yeah, could you please ask someone to sanatize that"

Two businessmen today walking by us

"Nipple cream"
"Nipple cream?"
"Yeah they all have it"

Had to confirm with herself but yep that was the exchange

guy at service canada employment next to me

how do you sign in
i dont even know how to sign in
ugh
sigh
rinse cycle repeat

i used to be able to put a time to things, but now i cannot
like i try to think of when my surgery was and i cannot even remember
like what are time lines, i mean i remember when you kids were born because there was a date
and a reference point, but now i dunno

you dont have to pay so much rent at your age you can just have sex

i have a website about myself

middle-aged couple ahead of me in line at the grocery store: "are we getting enough toilet paper for this food?"

They need to realise I'm an ARTIST not a researcher

killing is her art

she was about to paint her masterpiece but was obliged to research it first so there may be a knock on effect in terms of delivery

Nina has a very unique, very grounding energy in a group of people.

"I've enjoyed the last 19 years"

We're always in Birmingham for Ocean Colour Scene. It's the only reason we come to Birmingham.