Favorite lines from Seinfeld?

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"Oh yeah, well the jerk store called and they're all out of you!" - George

― Chris V. (Chris V), Wednesday, 18 December 2002 19:27 (twenty-one years ago) link

"You're a raving anti-dentite!"

― Justyn Dillingham (Justyn Dillingham), Wednesday, 18 December 2002 19:28 (twenty-one years ago) link

"I'm gone for a week and you turn my house into Bourbon Street! Your grounded!" - Frank Costanza

― Chris V. (Chris V), Wednesday, 18 December 2002 19:32 (twenty-one years ago) link

"SERENITY NOW!!!!!"

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Wednesday, 18 December 2002 19:34 (twenty-one years ago) link

That's funny Chris, cause I always thought you were their all-time best-seller!

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Wednesday, 18 December 2002 19:36 (twenty-one years ago) link

Oh yeah, well I had sex with your wife!

― Chris V. (Chris V), Wednesday, 18 December 2002 19:37 (twenty-one years ago) link

(Elaine) "Why is it that me who always has to do these things?"

(Jerry) "Because that's your thing!"

(Elaine) "What, calling up people I hardly know and demanding that they return expensive gifts? That's my thing?"

(Jerry) "Yeah, that's your thing."

― N. (nickdastoor), Wednesday, 18 December 2002 19:38 (twenty-one years ago) link

And now for the feats of strength!

― Aaron W, Wednesday, 18 December 2002 19:39 (twenty-one years ago) link

Astroturf? You know who's responsible for that, don't you? The
Jews! The Jews hate grass. Always have, always will.

― N. (nickdastoor), Wednesday, 18 December 2002 19:39 (twenty-one years ago) link

Putty (answering a question by pointing to the ridiculous 8-ball on the back of his jacket) -
"All signs point to yes"

― Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Wednesday, 18 December 2002 19:40 (twenty-one years ago) link

Elaine: you'd like him.
Jerry: Why do people always that? I hate everybody!

― naked as sin (naked as sin), Wednesday, 18 December 2002 19:42 (twenty-one years ago) link

"I'm not gay, I'm an out of work porn star named Buck Naked!"

― Chris V. (Chris V), Wednesday, 18 December 2002 19:42 (twenty-one years ago) link

(George) Do you ever just get down on your knees and thank God that you know me and have access to my dementia?

― luna (luna.c), Wednesday, 18 December 2002 19:43 (twenty-one years ago) link

Whatley : "Come on Jerry its our sense of humor that sustained us as a people for 3000 years."

Jerry : "Five thousand."

Whatley : "Whatever."

― Chris V. (Chris V), Wednesday, 18 December 2002 19:45 (twenty-one years ago) link

i would bet that mark s dislikes seinfeld. it would be for the same reason that i imagine he would dislike the prisoner and the aphex twin, but i'm not entirely sure what the reason is. its tangentially related to his dislike of hornby i think? and, inversely, the fact that i imagine he does not dislike starbucks. mark?

― gareth (gareth), Wednesday, 18 December 2002 19:47 (twenty-one years ago) link

seinfeld/aphex twin/prisoner = the currency of those who think they are in the know.

― N. (nickdastoor), Wednesday, 18 December 2002 19:52 (twenty-one years ago) link

And now for the feats of strength!

This episode was on last night. Frank calls Georges boss Kruegar, Cougar throughout the whole dinner scene.

― Chris V. (Chris V), Wednesday, 18 December 2002 19:52 (twenty-one years ago) link

the only time i ever laughed at seinfeld is when they invented "the bro"

― bob zemko (bob), Wednesday, 18 December 2002 19:53 (twenty-one years ago) link

aka "the manzier"

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Wednesday, 18 December 2002 20:06 (twenty-one years ago) link

Gareth, have a latte.

― mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 18 December 2002 20:14 (twenty-one years ago) link

I am glad this isn't on any more. I'd watch one, find it tedious rubbish, and abandon the show. Then loads of seemingly sensible, intelligent people would go on and on about how great it was, and I'd try it again. And it was still an utter bore. (This happened with perhaps slightly less intelligent people and the X-Files too.)

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Wednesday, 18 December 2002 20:25 (twenty-one years ago) link

The sea was mad that day, like an old man trying to send back soup at a coffee shop.

― A Nairn (moretap), Wednesday, 18 December 2002 20:35 (twenty-one years ago) link

I can see where you're coming from, Martin (even though I did enjoy the show), but honestly the Elaine dance is one of the funniest things ever captured on television.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 18 December 2002 20:43 (twenty-one years ago) link

If anyone in the UK wishes to highlight when that episode comes on again, if ever, I shall take a look, Dan, just for you. I don't believe that it is as funny as Tommy Cooper losing his place in a dramatic recitation though. Or Eric Morecambe attempting to play Grieg's Concerto.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Wednesday, 18 December 2002 20:51 (twenty-one years ago) link

"What's wrong with Loni Anderson?"

― mike a (mike a), Wednesday, 18 December 2002 21:17 (twenty-one years ago) link

martin UR crazy.

― RJG (RJG), Wednesday, 18 December 2002 21:27 (twenty-one years ago) link

These pretzels are making me thirsty

― webber (webber), Wednesday, 18 December 2002 23:05 (twenty-one years ago) link

these pretzels are making me...thirsty!

― RJG (RJG), Wednesday, 18 December 2002 23:07 (twenty-one years ago) link

"If this wasn't my son's wedding day I'd knock your teeth out you anti-dentite bastard."

― rat, Thursday, 19 December 2002 00:08 (twenty-one years ago) link

i was about to go on about how this thread = proof that seinfeld is great... yet martin wasn't moved at all! i'm not sure i will ever fully understand these anti-seinfeld sentiments. when i think of tepid sitcoms i think of 'something about raymond' or 'frasier' or pretty much any other sitcom ever. seinfeld towers above.

― minna (minna), Thursday, 19 December 2002 01:28 (twenty-one years ago) link

"And you wanna be my latex salesman."

― Damian (Damian), Thursday, 19 December 2002 09:40 (twenty-one years ago) link

"Pennepacker!" "Varnsen!" "Vanderlay!" etc

― Andrew Thames (Andrew Thames), Thursday, 19 December 2002 09:58 (twenty-one years ago) link

"Get OUT" (shove)

any number of times

― Alan (Alan), Thursday, 19 December 2002 09:58 (twenty-one years ago) link

"Well, there's nothing more sophisticated than diddling the maid, and then chewing some gum."

― weasel diesel (K1l14n), Thursday, 19 December 2002 09:59 (twenty-one years ago) link

they fooled me, Jerry

they fooled me, Jerry

― Alan (Alan), Thursday, 19 December 2002 10:33 (twenty-one years ago) link

Announcer: We regret we will not be able to show the rest of this episode due to a fault. Instead, here's a brand new episode of What Not To Wear.

Me: Yay! No more crappy base interludes!

― Madchen (Madchen), Thursday, 19 December 2002 10:42 (twenty-one years ago) link

and also bass interludes.

― Madchen (Madchen), Thursday, 19 December 2002 10:43 (twenty-one years ago) link

"he took... [breathes on glasses] ... IT out" Elaine

― Alan (Alan), Thursday, 19 December 2002 10:47 (twenty-one years ago) link

there were none. seinfeld was unfunnier than friends. it was the piss that sinks to the bottom of the bowl. snide remarks at other's excuses masqueraded as edginess. fuck that.

― Queen G (Queeng), Thursday, 19 December 2002 11:41 (twenty-one years ago) link

do you hate fun?

― Alan (Alan), Thursday, 19 December 2002 11:46 (twenty-one years ago) link

"Ah machu pichu!" - Kramer

― Chris V. (Chris V), Thursday, 19 December 2002 12:45 (twenty-one years ago) link

Taking sides: base interludes v. Ma$e interludes

― Nicole (Nicole), Thursday, 19 December 2002 12:59 (twenty-one years ago) link

Elaine: "Maybe the dingo ate your baby!"

― mms (mms), Thursday, 19 December 2002 14:03 (twenty-one years ago) link

One from an episode I saw today that tickled me:

Elaine: My roommate has Lyme disease.
Jerry: Lyme disease? I thought she had Epstein-Barr Syndrome?
Elaine: She has this in addition to Epstein-Barr. It's like Epstein-Barr with a twist of Lyme disease.

― edward o (edwardo), Thursday, 19 December 2002 14:23 (twenty-one years ago) link

"There was shrinkage! Women know about shrinkage, right?"

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Thursday, 19 December 2002 17:41 (twenty-one years ago) link

"I've always wanted to pretend I was an architect" (george)

― lawrence kansas (lawrence kansas), Thursday, 19 December 2002 17:52 (twenty-one years ago) link

Has anyone ever noticed that the last episode of Seinfeld has more or less the same plot as Camus's L'Etranger?

― Justyn Dillingham (Justyn Dillingham), Thursday, 19 December 2002 19:10 (twenty-one years ago) link

yeah but when they called it a manzier then it was instantly unfunny again

oh yeah also when george sez he "coined the phrase" pardon my french

― bob zemko (bob), Thursday, 19 December 2002 20:55 (twenty-one years ago) link

note the funny part is him saying he "coined" it

― bob zemko (bob), Thursday, 19 December 2002 20:56 (twenty-one years ago) link

I have read every post on this thread, Minna, and I can't say that any of the quotes seem funny at all, but it may be that they would be if I had the context. I am interested in why something so liked by so many people who are obviously intelligent and generally have good taste should strike me as so tepid, unconvincing, strained and unfunny. And I really hated the standup bits.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Thursday, 19 December 2002 21:01 (twenty-one years ago) link

Skipping 380 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

Did Seinfeld invent "C/D?"

Also, this makes me laugh

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bKoq6ZdRxJc

― ste throkes (Ówen P.), Tuesday, 25 October 2011 00:37 (twelve years ago) link

haha James, i watched that one last night too.

"so you're just gonna sit there, staring at the back of that chair?"
"yeah that's right"

― Summer Slam! (Ste), Tuesday, 25 October 2011 09:21 (twelve years ago) link

"The Fix-up" was on last night, love the part where George is asking Jerry increasingly weird questions about this girl - "does she have a good cheek? I need a good cheek..."

― frogbs, Tuesday, 25 October 2011 13:36 (twelve years ago) link

i love jerry's responses in that scene. "good cheek. very nice cheek." or w/e

― J0rdan S., Tuesday, 25 October 2011 14:07 (twelve years ago) link

"Really very good and nice."

― Tarfumes The Escape Goat, Tuesday, 25 October 2011 14:37 (twelve years ago) link

^^^^^^yessssssss

― J0rdan S., Tuesday, 25 October 2011 14:37 (twelve years ago) link

OTM

George: "Is she smart? Is she smarter than me? I don't want her to be smarter than me"
Jerry: "How could she be swarter than you"

― Y Kant Lou Reed (Le Bateau Ivre), Tuesday, 25 October 2011 14:38 (twelve years ago) link

smarter

― Y Kant Lou Reed (Le Bateau Ivre), Tuesday, 25 October 2011 14:38 (twelve years ago) link

it's notable that Jerry made a joke about her bulimia, and George kinda brushed it off, when we already know from a later episode that George is totally not okay with that.

― frogbs, Tuesday, 25 October 2011 15:23 (twelve years ago) link

three weeks pass...

Pipe down chorus boy.

― Juggy Brottleteen (ENBB), Thursday, 17 November 2011 00:38 (twelve years ago) link

and not a line but this will never not be hysterical

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yg-TqEFYcfM

― Juggy Brottleteen (ENBB), Thursday, 17 November 2011 00:41 (twelve years ago) link

My two science classes were working on a handout today about the proper names for various kinds of life scientists. Marine biologist was on there, so we took a little 45-second detour as I described George and that woman walking along the beach.

― clemenza, Thursday, 17 November 2011 00:47 (twelve years ago) link

i have a bad feeling whenever a lesbian look at me they think "that's why i'm not a heterosexual"

― flopson, Thursday, 17 November 2011 02:25 (twelve years ago) link

six months pass...

http://nymag.com/daily/intel/2012/06/dingo-really-did-eat-the-baby-australia.html

― goole, Tuesday, 12 June 2012 16:17 (eleven years ago) link

two years pass...

IT'S JUST ORIGINAL, JERRY

― brimstead, Tuesday, 22 July 2014 22:23 (nine years ago) link

"Jiffy Dump" haha

Is this a joke?!

That's what I like to know about it.

― andrew m., Wednesday, 23 July 2014 15:18 (nine years ago) link

During hockey season I probably said "gotta support yr team" ala Puddy 50 times

― andrew m., Wednesday, 23 July 2014 15:19 (nine years ago) link

I used the phrase "hot and heavy" last week and immediately flashed back to the entire "hot and heavy" plot with Elaine and the jazz musician.

― Immediate Follower (NA), Wednesday, 23 July 2014 15:28 (nine years ago) link

three weeks pass...

I know my alleys

― brimstead, Friday, 15 August 2014 23:14 (nine years ago) link

two years pass...

"Jerry, this is Frank Costanza. Mr. Steinbrenner's here, George is dead, call me back."

― Mr. Snrub, Thursday, 16 February 2017 22:51 (seven years ago) link

kramer: you let out one emotion, all the rest will come out with it. it's like endora's box!
jerry: that was the mother on "bewitched." you mean "pandora."
kramer: yeah, well...she had one, too.

― (The Other) J.D. (J.D.), Thursday, 16 February 2017 23:32 (seven years ago) link

xp from the same episode, when steinbrenner is telling the constanzas about george's death... frank is silent throughout until he let's loose with:

"What the hell did you trade Jay Buhner for?!? He had 30 home runs, over 100 RBIs last year, he's got a rocket for an arm, you don't know what the hell you're doin'!!"

― new noise, Thursday, 16 February 2017 23:54 (seven years ago) link

"If every instinct you have is wrong, then the opposite would have to be right!"

― AdamVania (Adam Bruneau), Friday, 17 February 2017 00:34 (seven years ago) link

GEORGE IS GETTING UPSET

― mark s, Friday, 17 February 2017 00:53 (seven years ago) link

Mr. Snrub's line probably in my Top 5.

― clemenza, Friday, 17 February 2017 04:23 (seven years ago) link

new noise's might be my number 1 moment for the entire show, though the line itself isn't that funny - it's all based on the context, and Jerry Stiller's delivery too. Even in the laugh track you can hear someone absolutely losing it for that joke

― Vinnie, Friday, 17 February 2017 05:49 (seven years ago) link

yes exactly!

― new noise, Friday, 17 February 2017 06:43 (seven years ago) link

"You have a garbage disposal in your bathtub?"
"Oh, yeah, and I use it all the time. Yeah, I made this whole meal in there."
"This food was in the shower with you?"
"Mm-hmm. I prepared it as I bathed."

― new noise, Friday, 17 February 2017 07:04 (seven years ago) link

"It's not a lie if you believe it"

― Le Bateau Ivre, Friday, 17 February 2017 08:17 (seven years ago) link

How funny, Bateau, I came here to post the exact same quote

― Iago Galdston, Friday, 17 February 2017 08:26 (seven years ago) link

"You know we've LIVING in a SOCIETY!"

― AdamVania (Adam Bruneau), Friday, 17 February 2017 11:55 (seven years ago) link

GEORGE: She treated me to the Arabian mocha java.
JERRY: And you misinterpret this how?

― clemenza, Friday, 17 February 2017 12:31 (seven years ago) link

four years pass...

"Take toilet paper for example. Do you realize that toilet paper hasvnot changed in my lifetime? It's just paper on a cardboard roll, that's it. And in ten thousand years, it will still be exactly the same because really, what else can they do?"

― Cool Im An Situation (Neanderthal), Wednesday, 1 December 2021 05:29 (two years ago) link

“you find this fascinating, don’t you?”

― flopson, Wednesday, 1 December 2021 05:30 (two years ago) link

two weeks pass...

I think my #1 is from Susan, not one of the principals: "Yeah, give me the papers--I'll sign 'em."

― clemenza, Friday, 17 December 2021 16:28 (two years ago) link

Haha her delivery on that was great

― hopefully this review helped someone (Neanderthal), Saturday, 18 December 2021 02:00 (two years ago) link

Elaine: Can’t you see what’s happened? I’ve become George!
Jerry: Don’t say that!
Elaine: It’s true.. I’m George.. GEORGE!

― scanner darkly, Saturday, 18 December 2021 02:32 (two years ago) link

one month passes...

George, from "The Conversion": "This is the only woman I've never lied to...well, that's not entirely true."

― clemenza, Friday, 4 February 2022 21:41 (two years ago) link

"Who told you to put the balm on?"

― immodesty blaise (jimbeaux), Friday, 4 February 2022 21:48 (two years ago) link

George at his therapist’s office:

GEORGE: What if the pilot gets picked up and it becomes a series?

DANA: That'd be wonderful George, you'll be rich and successful.

GEORGE: Yeah, that's exactly what I'm worried about. God would never let me be successful. He'd kill me first. He'd never let me be happy.

DANA: I thought you didn't believe in God?

GEORGE: I do for the bad things.

― Sam Weller, Saturday, 5 February 2022 13:21 (two years ago) link

All right! But hear me, and hear me well! The day will come! Oh, yes, mark my words, Seinfeld! Your day of reckoning is coming, when an evil wind will blow through your little playworld and wipe that smug smile off your face! And I'll be there in all my glory, watching, watching as it all comes crumbling down!

― underminer of twenty years of excellent contribution to this borad (dan m), Sunday, 6 February 2022 02:10 (two years ago) link

If you’re one of us… you’ll take a bite.

― nobody like my rap (One Eye Open), Sunday, 6 February 2022 02:23 (two years ago) link

Elaine: So, because of a few bad seeds, you're going to impugn an entire continent?

Jerry: Yes, I'm impugning a continent.

― buzza, Sunday, 6 February 2022 06:08 (two years ago) link

“elaine, i could see not saying hello. she’s very, what’s the word, supercilious. but HOW COULD JERRY NOT SAY HELLO?”

― (The Other) J.D. (J.D.), Sunday, 6 February 2022 18:03 (two years ago) link

Jerry and George discussing the word ‘barometer’.
Kramer: “It’s pronounced thermometer.”

― This Is Not An ILX Username (LaMonte), Monday, 7 February 2022 00:32 (two years ago) link

one year passes...

“I believe that’s what you do with garbage, you idiot”

― brimstead, Thursday, 7 December 2023 22:20 (four months ago) link

(Bill Erman as old man Jerry was visiting)

― brimstead, Thursday, 7 December 2023 22:21 (four months ago) link

Erwin

― brimstead, Thursday, 7 December 2023 22:21 (four months ago) link

George: I was spottin' those raccoons!

― Large, Complex, Detailed but Irrefutable POST (Dan Peterson), Thursday, 7 December 2023 23:09 (four months ago) link

No one can tell you what a balm's gonna do. They are unpredictable!

― immodesty blaise (jimbeaux), Thursday, 7 December 2023 23:12 (four months ago) link

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