Craigslist hilarity

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I thought this was going to be a link to one of those ads that list $1 as the rent of an apartment in the village.

Aaron Grossman (aajjgg), Tuesday, 10 December 2002 20:30 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

So will Merzbow be the next band to make a bling-bling video?

j.lu (j.lu), Tuesday, 10 December 2002 20:46 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

you want craigslist hilarity, you got it. I posted an ad for a housemate in Oakland, CA a few years ago and this showed up in my inbox. See how many words here set off your 'i would never live with a person who uttered this word' alarm:

-------

=0 - HELP!!!!!!!!

So, hello..my name's Art. I'm in a bit of a spot here..I'm writing you from NYC. I moved here last Nov. to be with my girlfriend and well, the happened and now I'm moving back--which is very okay cause NY really really doesn't have the good flavor that the Bay Area does.

so i know it's really difficult and I've got a long shot in hell being that I'm way the hell out here and I can't use my charm on you, but...here's my situation: I will be in SF by or around the 13th of May (driving across)...I do have a few friends and a brother in town that I can call on in a last-ditch situation, but the quicker the better...I'm a trance dj originally based out of Santa Cruz and have lived in the Bay Area off and on for a while. It looks like i needed to move out here to really realize what i was missing. Um, I do not have a bunch of cash (maybe shouldn't tell you that..) but I am very responsible once I get cemented, I'm really really cool :] and I won't give you shit for being you. I'll be 29 in June, but my spirit's on a whole different timeline which means I don't take life too seriously and I do take it very seriously, if that makes sense to you.

I have opened back up connections with previous employers and have a few good options regarding getting work right away. Basically put, I can't offer you many of the prerequisite factors of a new rommate (butt load of cash for move-in costs, stability, etc...). What I can garauntee is a kick-ass roommate that does maintain all known factors (unless you're freaky in some way) of what a good roommate situation is.

Another possible situation is this: my best friend Robert (another dj) was originally going to meet me out here (he's in Fresno *gasp* now saving money) until NY proved to be only a shadow of what SF is and is now working his way to meet me in SF on June 1st. He also is as copecetic as me, both being very mellow guys, fun, sincere, very aware and reflective, responsible, and respectful. He, however has been planning for this for a while and does fulfill those other aspects of the new roommate equation (he got money) and we've left open the option of the plausibilty of sharing a room (-both of us are single [now]...he's bi and intermitent / I am very not interested for a long while). Basically, both of us are moving to SF (..were going to do this in NY) to bring to light our musical (and spiritual) culminations, both producing and performing within the underground scene starting with our first event June 30th in San Leandro. We are both from in and around the area and are very poised to bring very special events into being throughout the area (--if you're having 2nd thoughts with having djs in your home, let's get back to that "respectful" aspect...we understand and will work with you).

Third scenario (a short one): I am not financially all too stable right now/ Robert is..if I don't look good and both of us together can't work, please consider him for the room..he is really one of the absolute sweetest guys I've ever met (a humanic anomoly when compared to the general type of population). He has the money, a job, and I know you'll like him.

Well, that's our lot. If you've made it this far, either my writing's gotten better or you actually think we're cool.

ps..there is a picture of both of us attached. I'm on the left, he's on the top, the guy in the middle's Steve --he's the Knome king from Santa Cruz

so, I hope you're mulling this over in your head or at least thought it was interesting. Please contact either of us if there's a possibility with you or if you might know of someone else who's looking for roommates or if you (or someone else) has a closet or living room or garage or basement/washroom that shouldn't be housing someone but it would help your rent, we like that stuff...

Anywhichway, hope to hear from you of course but if not, i sincerely hope you're having fun here on Earth and try to remember what's it's really all about sometimes...

love, light, and walkabout-thinking

Art (djseek) spaceshipgaiacollective ++ theChiaroscuroProject__

Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Tuesday, 10 December 2002 21:25 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

ohmygawdthatissofuckingawesome!

gygax!, Tuesday, 10 December 2002 21:50 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

I'll try to post the picture later. think Perry Farrell...

Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Tuesday, 10 December 2002 21:53 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

For more hilarity:

Best of Craigslist

Jen (nstop), Tuesday, 10 December 2002 21:55 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

Pls no drugs, smoking, or TRANCE DJS.

Leee (Leee), Tuesday, 10 December 2002 22:20 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

the I won't give you shit for being you. line always gets me.

Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Tuesday, 10 December 2002 22:31 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

How have thing worked out, Spencer? I mean, you are living with them, right? Are you in the middle now, or is it still the Knome King from Santa Cruz?

Yanc3y (ystrickler), Tuesday, 10 December 2002 22:40 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

what was your reply mr. chow!?

gygax!, Tuesday, 10 December 2002 22:41 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

Honestly, I didn't even send a reply. Too terrified that he might try to use his "charm" on me.

I mean, you just don't even want this kind of person in your general or even virtual vicinity, right?

Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Tuesday, 10 December 2002 22:53 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

although I do sign my name now thus:

Spencer (djseek) spaceshipgaiacollective ++ theChiaroscuroProject__

Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Tuesday, 10 December 2002 22:54 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

Haha:

The contraction of 'you are' is 'you're,' not 'your.'

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Reply to: anon-4129636@craigslist.org
Date: Mon Jun 3 10:12:13 2002


You're not trying to "peak" interest, you're trying to "pique" interest.

You're probably not looking for a "discrete" relationship, you philandering buttwipe, because you don't know what "discrete" means. You're looking for a "discreet" relationship.

One female human is a "woman," not a "women."

People who make these errors should not be having sex.

Jody Beth Rosen (Jody Beth Rosen), Wednesday, 11 December 2002 22:18 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

one year passes...
one year passes...

this is in or around Shutthefuckupland

Great, Brave, True, Strong, Great, Real, Wise, Great, Crazy/Beautiful, Grea (nor, Friday, 25 March 2005 23:52 (fourteen years ago) Permalink

I think they should get Pastor Troy to do the ceremony.

Alex in SF (Alex in SF), Friday, 25 March 2005 23:56 (fourteen years ago) Permalink

hahahahaha

teeny (teeny), Saturday, 26 March 2005 00:00 (fourteen years ago) Permalink

http://www.craigslist.org/sfc/for/65266930.html

kingfish, Saturday, 26 March 2005 00:13 (fourteen years ago) Permalink

I am all for the institution of marriage whether it be among hetero couples or straight couples.

ROFFLE

sugarpants: the luscious ingenue (sugarpants), Sunday, 27 March 2005 00:11 (fourteen years ago) Permalink

five months pass...
Man Mocks Woman's Craigslist Ad and makes me laugh out loud.

Sounds like an ILXor at work here...

re: If I look 33 and feel 25, does it make me 29? ;) - 29 - 19
Reply to: anon-99741924@craigslist.org
Date: 2005-09-24, 6:20PM EDT


I am a guy!!!! To answer the headline question:
If I look 33 and feel 25, does it make me 29?
This question brings up many thoughts to this obviously bored individuals need for entertainment. So let’s begin shall we?

Ok it appears as though we have a syllogism here

If I look 33
and feel 25
does it make me 29?

So let’s take this argument and dissect its intent

If I look 33
And feel 25
Am I 29?

I think you see where I am going here as you probably realize that you cannot be 29 based on just feeling and looking an age. In fact, Age is based on a time construct created by man based on earthly rotation and revolutions around the sun. One ages in years based on these revolutions around the sun. So let’s take the argument again.

IF I look as though I have revolved around the sun 33 times
And feel as though I have only revolved 25 times
Did I revolve 29 times?

Now this argument is leaking worse then an Army engineered levee.

Conclusions, There is no possible way you can be 29 years old based on this argument.

Thanks for humoring me.
Oh I am 41, look 33, but feel 5, does that make me 19?

* this is in or around maybe


http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/w4m/99741924.html

Craig Slist, Sunday, 25 September 2005 13:59 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

VOM!!!

--------
Teach New Yorkers how to COOK!!!
Reply to: anon-100499675@craigslist.org
Date: 2005-09-28, 10:00AM EDT


Volunteer Positions in FoodChange’s Vegetable of the Month Club program

Community based nutrition education - Teach New Yorkers to enjoy cooking fresh vegetables in season

We invite culinary and nutrition education students and professionals and food enthusiasts in general to become VOM Volunteer Leaders and assist trained instructors in hands-on cooking based nutrition education workshops in New York City neighborhood organizations. Volunteers will be assigned to the same site every month. Sites may include food pantries, WIC agencies, public schools, senior centers, teen programs, community centers, parenting skill programs etc. and are located in all five boroughs.

Volunteers will:
1. Participate in a preliminary 4 hour volunteer training
2. Volunteer 2-3 hours each month in an assigned community based organization for a minimum of six months.
3. Assist workshop leaders in delivering the VOM™ workshops in a variety of capacities. Possible volunteer duties may include any of the following tasks:
 Collaborate with the workshop leader in planning the workshop
 Assist in presenting the workshop
 Evaluate and document VOM™ lessons and activities
 Support the teaching and reinforcement of food safety techniques
 Participate in VOM™ food shopping
 Assist in guided field trips
 Provide educational input and ideas for workshop participants
 Plan, oversee, and take part in integrated VOM™ activities
4. Maintain confidentiality of all workshop participants and agency clients in keeping with individual VOM™ agency rules. All volunteers are expected to maintain the highest standards of conduct and personal integrity when volunteering with agencies collaborating with the Vegetable of the Month Club™ and FoodChange.
5. FoodChange will provide free training, an opportunity to teach cooking skills, networking opportunity, community work, 3hrs/month or more volunteer experience, school credit.
6. If interested, please contact Jennifer Prissel at 212-894-8070 or jprissel@foodchange.org.


* this is in or around All boroughs...
* no -- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests


100499675

faith popcorn (Jody Beth Rosen), Thursday, 29 September 2005 07:52 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

TELEMARKETERS ($100-$200 PER DAY!) ROCK AND ROLL
Reply to: job-101099142@craigslist.org
Date: 2005-10-01, 2:04PM EDT


The Learning Annex needs rock n' roll closers for its seasonal outbound marketing campaign.

Sell tickets!
Make CRAZY Commissions ($100-$200 PER DAY)!
Get excited by our dynamic environment!
WEEKLY TOP SELLER GETS $500 BONUS!!!!

EMAIL YOUR RESUME OR STOP BY

The Learning Annex
48 West 37th Street, 7th floor
Between 5th and 6th ave.
WALK IN INTERVIEWS MON - FRIDAY 1-3 PM

We're moving fast so get on board before all our slots fill up. BE PREPARED TO START IMMEDIATELY!!!!!!!

* no -- Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
* no -- Please, no phone calls about this job!
* no -- Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.
* no -- Reposting this message elsewhere is NOT OK.


101099142

faith popcorn (Jody Beth Rosen), Sunday, 2 October 2005 05:13 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

I am a 40 year old male...white...dominant..intelligent..d/d free...safe..and I possess an insatiable sexual appetite. Am looking for an African American female.....age is of little importance....who would enjoy worshipping my white cock, while allowing me to shower your face and body in my hot dripping cum. I may be blunt..but I am also quite sincere..so please reply only if interested . And I do have a car.

Andrew (enneff), Sunday, 2 October 2005 05:37 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

VOM!
CRAZY CLOSING VOM!

kingfish superman ice cream (kingfish 2.0), Sunday, 2 October 2005 06:24 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

http://detroit.craigslist.org/w4m/96532283.html

Viewers beware, Sunday, 2 October 2005 06:34 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

one year passes...
Need man to set up wireless network - 33
Reply to: pers-320771✧✧✧@craigsl✧✧✧.o✧✧
Date: 2007-04-28, 7:02PM CDT


My ex-husband tried and got things even more screwed up.
I need a good looking man, 21-45, to come to my home and set up my wireless network. We have one desktop and two laptops. We have DSL. What's so hard about that?
One BJ for payment, and then our relationship is over.
Interested?




* Location: Norwood Park
* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests


PostingID: 320771195

en i see kay, Sunday, 29 April 2007 00:35 (twelve years ago) Permalink

We have DSL.

Well, that makes the deal a bit more enticing. The husband too?

clotpoll, Sunday, 29 April 2007 12:01 (twelve years ago) Permalink

$950 - Phat pad, great deal, lots of beer, the best bros, and tons of...
(marina / cow hollow)

Date: 2006-02-02, 8:09PM PST

Snatch up this deal.
Totally sick pad located in great part of Cow Hollow/Marina. It is a four bedroom flat with two full baths, nice hardwood floors, a big kitchen with top of the line modern appliances, 500 lb grill (you can cook for a fuckin' army on this thing), an extra refrigerator stocked full of beer, a huge living room-20'x 25', with 42 inch plasma TV, surround sound, and nice couches. It is an old house with modern appliances and is newly refurbished-bro it is so sweet! We are the top flat and our downstairs neighbors are tech dorks so we do what we want, including indoor drunken wrestling and pounding the shit out of...ah don't want to get kicked off of Craigslist.

The room is huge (15'x 16') with a walk-in closet, new carpeting, and two big windows.

We are three old friends, mid 20's, looking for a fourth roommate. All of us are pretty tight, we were in the same fraternity, Delta Sigma Phi, at UCLA. I am in PR and my bros are brokers, one is an exchange and the other insurance. We work hard and play even harder. We usually go out three to four nights a week. Always, I mean always, on Friday and Saturday. We have our favorite clubs and bars and are straight up players. Our interests are sports, nice shit, beer, and hot women (but sometimes you get what you can take). Send us a bio. about yourself and answer these questions:

1.) Where are you from and where did you go to college?
2.) What did you major in and were you in a frat?
3.) What do you do for a living?
4.) Do you like to party and how many beers can you drink in a night?
5.) What sports did you/do you play?
6.) What kind of a car do you drive?
7.) How many girls have you crushed (we posted a similar ad days ago and people dodged this question, DON'T DO THAT, we want numbers)?
8.) How long have you lived in the city and how many sluts do you know (for booty calls)?
9.) What could you add to this household and why should we pick you?

These questions are no joke, we are serious. This is what we do and who we are-so don't be offended, we are just being honest. We will send pics. after we get your email and if we like you. We didn't say this before but our buddy's dad owns this shit and that is why the rent is so cheap, I mean we could charge like $1300 for the room.

Rent is $950
Utilities are around 100 a month, includes wireless, 500 channels, and lots of porn.
Deposit is $1250
No lease, month to month.
No pets

----------------------------------------------------

iiiijjjj, Sunday, 29 April 2007 19:19 (twelve years ago) Permalink

What's up guys.

I saw your add on craigslist. Your house sounds like a fun time. I too enjoy drinking and crushing bitches... preferably while drinking. But who doesn't right? You want the inside scoop to make sure you don't wind up living with some loser who just talks a big game, but can't back it up with action. And when I say action, I of course mean crushing bitches while drinking.

Anyways, you had some questions for me.

1. I'm originally from Chicago. Consequently, like most Chicagoans, despite living in the Bay Area for going on 6 years now, I could give two shits about any sports teams from here. I am a Bears fan, a Bulls fan, and a White Sox fan. And, yes I've always been a White Sox fan. I have ample proof. Accusing me of being a bandwagoner is a good way to get hurt.

I went to Berkeley.

2. I majored in English and I was in Sigma Chi. I don't know what the fuck Delta Sigma Phi is. Sounds like a bunch of FAGS to me though. You seem to have left the part out of your ad where after drunken wrestling you all break out the cooking spray and corn hole each other, then you break out the double dildos for some hot ass to ass action, screaming like bicthes all the while, to the consternation of the tech dorks downstairs, I'm sure.

3. I'm a writer. I used to work for Maxim but I had to quit because they started putting ugly old bitches on the cover, like Cindy Crawford and Nicolette Sheridan. Then this month they put Hilary Duff's little sister and that was the last straw for me. Every time I see that girl's face it makes me want to chase her down, strap a saddle on her, and cram a fist full of hay down her throat. Currently I'm looking for a new job with a quality men's magazine that only puts HOT bitches on the cover, like Dakota Fanning.

4. Do I like to party? What kind of question is that? Is the sun hot?
Is the sun bright? Is the son composed entirely of hydrogen and helium atoms which are continually ripped asunder and recombined, releasing immense amounts of atomic energy that enable life to exist on Earth?
Hell fucking yeah bros I like to party.

How many beers can I drink in a night? More that you, you Delta Sigma Phi pussies. Why don't you go cry in the corner while I fuck your girlfriend? How many beers can I drink... Jesus.

5. In high school I ran track. My events were hurdles (high and int.), pole vault, discus and shotput. In college I was on the Tae Know Do team, but I had to quit because I threw my back out having sex with a fat girl. That was a mistake. I shouldn't have drank those 278 beer that night. Now I don't do any competitive sports. I just basically hit the gym a few times a week... blast the pecs and quads, you know. Oh and I skateboard.

6. A BMW 3-series. White. Three horny bitches come standard. WHAT!

7. What? Today? HA! j/k I've crushed 12. Pretty low number, I know, but I've also ass crushed 7 of them. I have mouth crushed countless filthy slamhogs. Slamhogs are my passion.

8. I've lived in the city for 2.5 years and I know a few sluts.
Especially this one girl Linda. She'll bang anything (hopefully your house is wheelchair accessable?) As far as exact number I can't really say. Some are strictly sluts, while some stand on the razor's edge between slut and whore, and still some others are just plain whores.
But you know me, I don't sweat these hos I let these hos, you know what I'm saying bro? I'm always down to meet more though.

9. Well lets see. As far as what I could add, I have tons of music and a hardrive full of porn. It's all straight porn though, so I don't know how much good that will do you. I also have turn tables and a bunch of records, great for parties (DJs get the bitches all wet). I have a lot of good stereo equipment, and I have a great hook up on the date rape drug - good for those girls who are all stuck up and shit. As far as why you should pick me, that's easy. Because I'm way fucking cooler that any of the other limp dick, Abercrombie wearing, Old School worshipping, trucker hat to-the-right cocking poser fags that are going to answer your shitty ad.

Now can you party or can't you?

iiiijjjj, Sunday, 29 April 2007 19:24 (twelve years ago) Permalink

one month passes...

Reply to: pers-345974✧✧✧@craigsl✧✧✧.o✧✧
Date: 2007-06-06, 4:24AM EDT

Dear Catherine-

When I offered to buy you a drink, I was only being polite. I'm not that into you. Frankly I was surprised when you accepted, since you had a half full glass in your hands.

So where did you go? What the fuck am I supposed to do with a glass of Bud Light? I don't drink that shit beer.

You suck.

Location: lexington
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

nickalicious, Friday, 8 June 2007 19:50 (twelve years ago) Permalink

p.s. I love you

wanko ergo sum, Friday, 8 June 2007 20:18 (twelve years ago) Permalink

uh..

http://greenville.craigslist.org/mis/340111857.html

latebloomer, Friday, 8 June 2007 22:08 (twelve years ago) Permalink

one month passes...

seeking any woman with a garage - 33

Reply to: pers-386221✧✧✧@craigsl✧✧✧.o✧✧
Date: 2007-07-31, 1:09PM HST

I recently ended a relationship with a wonderful woman, we just were not meant for each other. I am seeking a new relationship with a woman with a nice garage. The garage does not have to be enclosed, but must have plenty of lockable storage. A workbench would be nice with good lighting too. I live in town, so the garage would need to be located near UH. The girl will need to have a sense of humor to be able to put with my odd sense of humor. I am open to any race, ages 22-45, perfer thin to average, and physical beauty, but less attractive women need to make up for it in "garage".

To alleviate your curiosity, I will now describe myself. White, male, 33, 5'10", exercise regularly, modestly attractive, fun to be around.

I thought i would give CL a try since I keep meeting women who live in condos. Mahalo for reading my listing.

gr8080, Wednesday, 1 August 2007 00:52 (eleven years ago) Permalink

less attractive women need to make up for it in "garage".

Awesome.

Hurting 2, Wednesday, 1 August 2007 00:56 (eleven years ago) Permalink

Is "nice garage" a euphemism.

Trayce, Wednesday, 1 August 2007 01:01 (eleven years ago) Permalink

nice workbench

Hurting 2, Wednesday, 1 August 2007 01:02 (eleven years ago) Permalink

what is that minimalist faggotry on the right

wanko ergo sum, Wednesday, 1 August 2007 01:12 (eleven years ago) Permalink

Frank Lloyd Wrights shed?

Trayce, Wednesday, 1 August 2007 01:13 (eleven years ago) Permalink

how hot would you have to be if that were your garage?

gr8080, Wednesday, 1 August 2007 01:18 (eleven years ago) Permalink

The small/low res image makes it look like an idea someone had for leftover fiberboard and 2x4s.

wanko ergo sum, Wednesday, 1 August 2007 01:23 (eleven years ago) Permalink

man that first garage is making me hard.

johnny crunch, Wednesday, 1 August 2007 01:30 (eleven years ago) Permalink

Greetings,

Our apartment building has been a veritable revolving door over the past few months (thanks in part due to the excessively permissive flexible leasing system instituted by our notoriously spaced-out landlord) and our apartment has been no exception. Our current roommate, a nice beefy self-proclaimed hillbilly from the Twin Cities and a die-hard Cubs fan to boot (which naturally fueled malicious little one-liners from my former naturalized Southsider tendencies) is moving in with his long-standing girlfriend (who, mercifully, is a die-hard White Sox fan) following the dictates of Cupid which thankfully won over a frankly trivial raging century-old intra-city rivalry.

Of course, considering the fact that White Sox won the big one in 2005 while the Cubs have been . . . .

Never mind. Cubs fans know the facts very well while Sox fans would have used arguments along similar lines several, several times in the past, particularly in the wake of the Sox' misfortunes this season.

(Hmm. This is worrisome. I'm a Southsider purely by academic vocation only and don't really know baseball that well. Yet I talk the talk. I'll confess to not being wholly capable of walking the walk)

However, back to the main intentions of this post. The apartment is a spacious unit with three bedrooms, a basement, two bathrooms, a large backyard, a large kitchen and a living room area. The apartment is situated around 5 blocks away from the Six Corners and is on North Avenue.

The dramatis personae who currently inhabit this financially serendipitous piece of real estate are currently three in number.

One is a nice little 24-year-old blonde girl from Iowa who used to attend Columbia College and now intends to pursue academic interests in forensics (which I shall maintain to my dying day is the result of too much CSI). She has a big scaredy-cat of a dog who is probably one of the frendliest mutts for blocks around. Nobody who has crossed this threshold (save the landlord, strangely enough) has ever been greeted by anything other than a vigorous wag of the tail and a friendly "smile" on his face, as the little blonde girl puts it. Do not mess with the little blonde girl. She might be tiny and almost always alternate between sleepy and sweet. But, be warned, she listens to Rancid and Drop Kick Murphys, is tattooed (well, ONE tattoo) and will mess you up in extremely diabolical ways if you feel the need to be a jerkwad.

The second character is the aforementioned dog. He's neutered and he knows it. He will also fetch you one of his toys (once he gets to know you better), hold it tantalizingly just beyond your grasp and then run at top-speed into the little blonde girl's room where he shall energetically chew it every time he espies you after this baiting incident. You have been warned. DO NOT FALL PREY TO HIS TEMPTATIONS. BRING YOUR OWN TOYS TO CHEW ON.

The third character (and almost certianly the most minor in the roll) is a 23-year-old boy from a magical land far, far away. He's an aspiring economist, a wannabe investment banker, a graduate student at a smarty-pantsy university in town and purveyor of all good things literary, culinary, cinematic and musical. He's a vegetarian, usually smarter than a doorknob, frequently complimented by mothers of winsome young lasses to be a good-looking boy, easy-going enough to be a pushover without being a punching bag and is currently struggling with a newfound discovery that he has inexplicably and unprecedentedly become very, very shy around girls. He has no explanations or deductions about this. Applications for, ahem, things OTHER than the room in the apartment will be gladly accepted and be duly processed expeditiously by the boy. Since he's single, he will PERSONALLY give you big, BIG bonus points if the prospective applicant has hot, fun-loving and flexible FEMALE friends. His mannerisms are often British (though he's not), smart and world-wise and will insist that certain words must necessarily be written a certain way, Microsoft Word US Edition be damned.

This boy is currently the writer of this post.

Still with us? Good. Well, qualifications for prospective applicants are:

1. Pretty please with a cherry on top be in our age range (which would approximately be around 20 - 26 years of age in human years). This means that people who whistle and wittle twigs into fanciful representations of Lyndon B. Johnson as they "remember" him or people who need fake IDs to get into bars and clubs and still have the smell of high school lockers on them would be politely spoken to and firmly refused any further consideration.

2. Pretty please be clean, hygenically repronsible, a frequent washer of one's own plates and cutlery, financially responsible and suitably well-rounded and tolerant. We occasionally watch soap operas for the hot chicks (well, the boy does) but we would prefer it if we don't end up in one with a significantly less attractive and less wealthy cast of characters (once again, this is all from the boy).

3. It is generally preferable if you are the owner of a bed for your room (and a big point in your favour if you are the owner of a television and a stereo, adds the boy, so that he can play acid jazz and soothing lounge music on the stereo and watch fanciful foreign films with bad subtitles on the other).

4. The little blonde girl has said that she will be more open to female roommates than she was before. So, the little blonde girl has one bonus point for you if you're a non-bitchy female. The boy is unconcerned about the gender of the applicant as long as the applicant has hot, fun-loving and flexible FEMALE friends.

5. Bonus points if you're a student and are still financially stable. Double bonus points if you know and appreciate the arts, cinema and music in particular. Triple bonus points if you have a sense of humour.

This advertisement is being published a WHOLE MONTH IN ADVANCE (the place will be available by September 2007) because the last time we ran an advertisement on Craigslist, we were swamped by over a hundred applications, which we assume would be due to:

a. The conducive location of the apartment. The apartment is in one of the nicer neighborhoods in the city peopled by many interesting people and is strategically located close to grocery stores, convenience stores, Blue Line stations and bus stops.

b. The ridiculous cheapness of the place (considering the neighborhood) without the inhabitants being similarly so. The landlord of the place is accomodating, friendly, slightly mad and very flexible with the lease. A security deposit of $400 would be required and all utilities will be shared.

However, unlike last time, no telephone numbers would be provided here for you to call. A correspondence with detailed information about the applicant is deemed absolutely necessary (please take note of the amount of detail WE are providing you about us. Appreciate that and reciprocate. This would be one basic quality we are looking for in our prospective roommate), appointments will be booked (and hopefully maintained), viewings will be scheduled and finally, a telephone number will be provided just so that you don't get lost while looking for the place.

A decision will be made in consultation with the landlord (WHO WILL NOT BE MEETING YOU) and you shall be informed via email about the decision. If you're selected, you will receive information as to whether you could move in any time earlier than September (which is entirely possible, thanks to the urgency that Cupid inspires in young people) and any other relevant updates that you should know.

Peace out, ladies and laddies.

A B C, Wednesday, 1 August 2007 02:09 (eleven years ago) Permalink

i'm probably still gonna email them

A B C, Wednesday, 1 August 2007 02:09 (eleven years ago) Permalink

I wish he would try harder to sound smart.

Hurting 2, Wednesday, 1 August 2007 03:17 (eleven years ago) Permalink

i'm just telling myself that a lot of my good friends and i assume i myself sound pretty annoying on livejournal. pretty sure there are a couple study abroad u's up in that novel though ugh

A B C, Wednesday, 1 August 2007 04:03 (eleven years ago) Permalink

enjoy living with ian riese-moraine.

s1ocki, Wednesday, 1 August 2007 04:12 (eleven years ago) Permalink

can't the wealthy just hire domestics like they used to, why do they have to make servitude into a lifestyle brand

softie (silby), Wednesday, 9 August 2017 20:07 (one year ago) Permalink

because gig economy

mh, Wednesday, 9 August 2017 20:08 (one year ago) Permalink

actually, it sounds like they want a dog au pair

I was kind of o_O a couple years ago about a coworker who had an au pair but in retrospect, room and board for someone who watches your kid and helps out around the house while they aren't in class seemed less horrible after a while

mh, Wednesday, 9 August 2017 20:12 (one year ago) Permalink

(max of 5 drinks per week)

change display name (Jordan), Wednesday, 9 August 2017 20:12 (one year ago) Permalink

Able to swim well in the ocean (dog likes swimming; you may need to get him when he goes out too far)

change display name (Jordan), Wednesday, 9 August 2017 20:12 (one year ago) Permalink

all of the personal grooming (of other people!!) stuff seems really fucking weird though

what if our dog au pair could also brush my hair and do my nails? just spitballing, here

mh, Wednesday, 9 August 2017 20:13 (one year ago) Permalink

Willing and happy to clean up occasional dog vomit and/or diarrhea

andrew m., Wednesday, 9 August 2017 20:57 (one year ago) Permalink

I'm happiest when cleaning up diarrhea. But I have a minimum of 5 drinks per week.

andrew m., Wednesday, 9 August 2017 20:58 (one year ago) Permalink

I have 5 drinks, all at once, but only when cleaning up dog diarrhea. Drink of choice? Gin with dog diarrhea.

Gaspard de la Nuit: III. ScarJost (Sufjan Grafton), Wednesday, 9 August 2017 21:05 (one year ago) Permalink

Sufjan noooo

mh, Wednesday, 9 August 2017 21:07 (one year ago) Permalink

lol @ the first thing you have to tell them in your 5 minute video is how much you loved their post.

Yoni Loves Chocha (VegemiteGrrl), Wednesday, 9 August 2017 21:07 (one year ago) Permalink

xp sorry, sufjan's assistant here. trying to keep those post numbers up.

Gaspard de la Nuit: III. ScarJost (Sufjan Grafton), Wednesday, 9 August 2017 21:25 (one year ago) Permalink

Experience with long hair in general (you have long hair and know how to brush tangled hair without causing pain)

Wait are they talking about the lady or the dog there>?

Stoop Crone (Trayce), Wednesday, 9 August 2017 23:48 (one year ago) Permalink

the man

mh, Thursday, 10 August 2017 00:39 (one year ago) Permalink

's pubic hair

softie (silby), Thursday, 10 August 2017 00:40 (one year ago) Permalink

https://sfbay.craigslist.org/eby/act/d/wanted-woman-who-wants-to/6256316306.html

Wanted woman who wants to conceive child during totality eclipse in OR (concord / pleasant hill / martinez)

I am 40 years of age, caucasian male from Europe. My heritage is strong and pure.

My looks, instincts, knowledge and strength is 100% pure and 100% lethal.

I am looking for a worthy female with strong genes, beauty and smarts. To join me - to experience the totality eclipse in Oregon.

Exact place not set.

If we have chemistry, I would like for us to make love while the eclipse is happening.

When totality occurs, we will have simultaneous orgasms and we will conceive a child that will be on the next level of human evolution.

We will make love together, with me and my penis directed towards the sun.
Everything will be aligned in the local universe.
Both of our cosmic orgasmic energy will be aligned with the planets.

In a brief moment of ecstasy, we will understand everything, and together, create a new universe. Full of love...

You must like cats. Drugs are OK. Nitrous Oxide while we climax and experience totality and conception, is OK with me.

nickn, Thursday, 10 August 2017 18:28 (one year ago) Permalink

I just.

Ned Raggett, Thursday, 10 August 2017 18:30 (one year ago) Permalink

Can we change the name from "Craigslist" to "Here Be Crazy"?

this iphone speaks many languages (DJP), Thursday, 10 August 2017 18:41 (one year ago) Permalink

lol whut

and...nitrous?

Yoni Loves Chocha (VegemiteGrrl), Thursday, 10 August 2017 18:57 (one year ago) Permalink

commercial with a crazy person failing to direct his erection toward the eclipsed sun >>> elderly man and woman in pre coital spa day

Gaspard de la Nuit: III. ScarJost (Sufjan Grafton), Thursday, 10 August 2017 18:57 (one year ago) Permalink

If he's gonna be waving that thing at the sun there probably isn't going to be any conception happening.

"Celebration" encourages the listener to celebrate good times. (Dan Peterson), Thursday, 10 August 2017 19:13 (one year ago) Permalink

they said solar sex would never overtake coal mine sex bc you have to track the sun

Gaspard de la Nuit: III. ScarJost (Sufjan Grafton), Thursday, 10 August 2017 19:21 (one year ago) Permalink

seven months pass...

US Congress just passed HR 1865, "FOSTA", seeking to subject websites to criminal and civil liability when third parties (users) misuse online personals unlawfully.

Any tool or service can be misused. We can't take such risk without jeopardizing all our other services, so we are regretfully taking craigslist personals offline. Hopefully we can bring them back some day.

To the millions of spouses, partners, and couples who met through craigslist, we wish you every happiness!

new noise, Friday, 23 March 2018 06:16 (one year ago) Permalink

Wow

valorous wokelord (silby), Friday, 23 March 2018 06:19 (one year ago) Permalink

The whole bill has major ripple effects for Net Neutrality and independent message boards.

Hard to imagine Tinder and OKCupid surviving this, I think, based on sex workers moving further to those platforms as theirs disappear.

... (Eazy), Friday, 23 March 2018 16:25 (one year ago) Permalink

yeah this is bad on multiple levels

sleeve, Friday, 23 March 2018 16:46 (one year ago) Permalink

SESTA/FOSTA is already having a chilling effect on sex workers' ability to discuss their work online, putting any attempt at organizing or harm reduction in serious jeopardy. https://t.co/MIll9q6OFe

— Lower Manhattan DSA (@DSA_L_Manhattan) March 22, 2018

ice cream social justice (Dr Morbius), Friday, 23 March 2018 20:58 (one year ago) Permalink

It's reminiscent of the Patriot Act. Members of Congress are stuck in a bad situation -- what, they're going to vote *against* the Patriot Act / *for* sex trafficking? And also in the sense that the bill is only getting real publicity now that is has passed.

... (Eazy), Friday, 23 March 2018 22:06 (one year ago) Permalink

It’s probably flagrantly unconstitutional in some respect, right?

valorous wokelord (silby), Friday, 23 March 2018 22:13 (one year ago) Permalink

sorta like drone wars

ice cream social justice (Dr Morbius), Saturday, 24 March 2018 02:12 (one year ago) Permalink

I suppose it’s easier to litigate the first amendment than drone wars

valorous wokelord (silby), Saturday, 24 March 2018 02:13 (one year ago) Permalink

two weeks pass...

Next step after Craigslist shutting down dating related to ^^:

And Backpage is gone.

This is a genuinely terrifying day for anyone who relied on Backpage & Cracker to connect with potential clients.

This move specifically impacts low-income trans, queer and POC sex workers - the workers most at risk of abuse, who most NEED these spaces.

— 🎮 Lucie Bee 🎮 (@theluciebee) April 6, 2018

... (Eazy), Saturday, 7 April 2018 15:25 (one year ago) Permalink

https://littlerock.craigslist.org/zip/d/full-size-wax-figures-dressed/6565221626.html
https://images.craigslist.org/00P0P_dHAVTwGXEPA_600x450.jpg
Looking to get rid of 40 full-sized wax figures in Amish wardrobe. They're simply taking up too much space.

Varying sizes, ages and details on these figures.

There are 5 female figures, 3 children figures, about 32 male figures and 1 dog. Five of the men and the dog are mechanical. The parts are removable and some are disassembled but can be assembled for viewing.

Was hoping to sell these but it would really just be helpful to get them out of my shop.

Text or call any time. Willing to help with delivery

andrew m., Thursday, 19 April 2018 21:20 (one year ago) Permalink

https://littlerock.craigslist.org/zip/d/human-sized-steel-cage/6565214946.html
Human Sized Steel Cage (West Little Rock)
https://images.craigslist.org/00r0r_1rFMY1Fust3_600x450.jpg
Whoever texts or calls with the best potential use for this cage will get it free of charge.
(don't be timid)

It is 6'1'' tall by 4x4 base

welded steel

extremely sturdy

approx 200 Lbs

2 people can easily move it

I am willing to deliver or assist in loading it up

shoot me a text

andrew m., Thursday, 19 April 2018 21:21 (one year ago) Permalink

"There are 5 female figures, 3 children figures, about 32 male figures and 1 dog. Five of the men and the dog are mechanical. The parts are removable and some are disassembled but can be assembled for viewing.
...
― andrew m., Thursday, April 19, 2018 4:20 PM (sixteen minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink"

WWT crowd filler?

Right column Leftist (sunny successor), Thursday, 19 April 2018 21:39 (one year ago) Permalink

maybe the children figures could be allowed at an all-ages show

andrew m., Thursday, 19 April 2018 21:48 (one year ago) Permalink

Little Rock? Get on it PP!

nickn, Thursday, 19 April 2018 22:27 (one year ago) Permalink

thread is crushing it

DACA Flocka Flame (Hadrian VIII), Thursday, 19 April 2018 22:48 (one year ago) Permalink

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/hou/6565526716.html

Lee626, Friday, 27 April 2018 08:57 (one year ago) Permalink

Well that was a fine thing to read first thing in the morning. Lol that was hilarious!!

VyrnaKnowlIsAHeadbanger, Friday, 27 April 2018 10:17 (one year ago) Permalink

one month passes...

outstanding

Nhex, Saturday, 2 June 2018 20:21 (one year ago) Permalink

five months pass...

https://littlerock.craigslist.org/mat/d/have-nice-franch-doors-250-obo/6738611879.html

I have a nice franch doors

andrew m., Tuesday, 6 November 2018 15:30 (seven months ago) Permalink

actually i've priced new franch doors and 250 ain't bad atoll

andrew m., Tuesday, 6 November 2018 15:30 (seven months ago) Permalink

call me vince

an incoherent crustacean (MatthewK), Tuesday, 6 November 2018 16:00 (seven months ago) Permalink

you'll be best off if you do

andrew m., Tuesday, 6 November 2018 16:26 (seven months ago) Permalink

one month passes...

inside of a slot machine it's too dark to read

https://littlerock.craigslist.org/ele/d/conway-inside-of-slot-machine/6770230281.html

andrew m., Friday, 21 December 2018 21:49 (six months ago) Permalink

https://losangeles.craigslist.org/lac/zip/d/los-angeles-free-embalming-fluid/6779896145.html

FREE EMBALMING FLUID (Los Angeles)

The guy on Reddit over-estimated how much I'd need for my Mom and her Pomeranian, so I have six quarts of leftover embalming fluid. It's currently at my life-coach's in Beaumont, so I'll need at least 48 hours advance notice. Willing to trade the very well preserved Pomeranian for a hammock. If interested in just the fluid, text or email a photo of Don Garlits. If interested in just the Pomeranian, text or email a trade offer, along with a photo of Artis Gilmore. If interested in both the fluid and the Pomeranian, text or email an offer, along with a photo of Dino Stamatopoulos. Serious replies only.

nickn, Tuesday, 25 December 2018 18:46 (six months ago) Permalink

two weeks pass...

"I tried using this dishwasher you sold me and it smashed all my dishes and glassware to bits. Something's wrong with it"

https://washingtondc.craigslist.org/nva/app/d/falls-church-dishwasher-miele-like-new/6786417587.html

Lee626, Wednesday, 9 January 2019 23:41 (five months ago) Permalink

two months pass...

no thanks

Large music library looking for safe, secure, long term home. Senior rock and roll drummer (without a set!) Also seeking a place to call home. Together would be nice but the library is in storage and I want to get it out. Willing to pay some rent, and share the resource. Interested in starting a music appreciation program also. Music is best when shared.

Emperor Tonetta Ketchup (sleeve), Monday, 25 March 2019 21:40 (three months ago) Permalink


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