Let's bitch about our stupid, annoying co-workers

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Girl I work with is chatting to a male customer in friendly fashion as she serves him. He leaves, then me and her have this conversation.

Annoying Girl: "I hope people don't get the wrong idea!"
Me: "Eh?"
AG: "About me and the guy. I hope people don't start thinking we're going out, just because I'm friendly to him when he comes in."
Me: "Eh, I don't think people will assume that."
AG: "You don't think the bosses would fire me for it? You know, for being too friendly with the customers?"
Me: "Eh, no." (Thinking: Christ Almighty!)
AG: "I'm really worried now. They wouldn't fire me for it, would they?"
Me: "I doubt it."

A few minutes pass...

AG: "I'm still really worried. They wouldn't fire me, would they?"
Me: "NO!" (Thinking: leave me alone, you neurotic freak!)

Then this crazy elderly man, a regular customer, comes in. He was in a car accident which left him, (how shall I put this?), barking mad. He thinks he's a real estate owner, and I'm one of his tenants, despite the fact that he asks me for money for tobacco every time he comes in. He proceeds to tell the annoying girl about all the houses he owns, and how I am one of his tenants etc, etc, while drooling and smelling terrible! He leaves.

AG: (genuinely) "Was that true, what he was saying?"
Me: "Oh my, no."
AG: "It could have been..."
Me: "I'm pretty sure it wasn't" (Thinking: Christ! I think I'd know if I was one of his tenants!)
AG: "Appearances can be deceptive..."
Me: "No, I'm pretty sure he's barking mad."
AG: "But-"
Me: "NO!"

It was a long day at work. I feel better now I've got it off my chest! Now it's your turn to bitch.

What makes it even more irritating is that she's a very NICE person. No harm in her at all, just really annoying and stupid. So I feel bad for bitching about her, yet I am compelled to do so!

weasel diesel (K1l14n), Thursday, 28 November 2002 22:19 (seventeen years ago) link

One of the managers at the petrol station once called me outside for a smoke and to talk to me, it was a bit like the Warden Norton/Tommy scene in Shawshank Redemption.

Boss:"Ronan could you comb your hair next time you come to work"

Me:"eh in fairness the contract doesn't say anything about me having to comb my hair"

Boss:"yeah but I mean you're a student now yeah? this job isn't so bad. they look after you well, it's a good wage, I'm happy with my lot"

Me:"I don't think there's any chance of me ever working here for a living, long term"

Boss:"Yeah and they pay your health insurance, it's not too difficult a job either"

Me:"Yeah no I'm never going to want to work here, to be honest I was planning on quitting as soon as I start college, or maybe even sooner, you needn't tell the main boss that"

Boss:"Oh don't worry, whatever is discussed here stays here. *long David Brent style lecture* I know what it's like to work WITH people and AROUND people, and I know that this station is not being run as effectively as possible, it's a clique, and I'm sure you can see that too Ronan. But quitting isn't going to change that. You quitting will not make this a smoother operation.

Me:"Eh I don't care about this job, I'm not sure what your point is"

Boss:"All I'm saying is, think about what I've said to you yeah? Just think about it"


Ronan (Ronan), Thursday, 28 November 2002 22:45 (seventeen years ago) link

Is it only DCU students who work with stupid, annoying people?

DV (dirtyvicar), Thursday, 28 November 2002 23:50 (seventeen years ago) link

no, its anyone who has ever worked in bars with no-neck, arrogant-for-no-reason wankers, with no brain function other than the tiny amount required to raise a beer to their filthy mouths after a shift.

donna (donna), Friday, 29 November 2002 04:26 (seventeen years ago) link

Hurrah for it is the last day of the CompulsiveEatingBurpingCulotteWearingTactlessJollyCoWorker today!!! What will hopefully be my last annoying conversation with her happened first thing on Wednesday morning:

CEBCWTJCW: Morning Rachel!!! Oooh! What have you done to your NOSE??

Me: What? Oh yeah, it's a spot.

CEBCWTJCW: No! You've cut yourself or something! It's really RED.

Me: No, really, it's just a big, shiny, noticeable spot.

CEBCWTJCW: It looks really BAD!

At this point I gave up all hope of having a good day.

Archel (Archel), Friday, 29 November 2002 09:17 (seventeen years ago) link

Day one at my new job.

Woman At Next Desk: Oh, you used to live in London? So did I. I moved back after my daughter started school and, to be honest, I'm really glad I did. The education you get in London is terrible.

Madchen: I've heard inner city schools are, er, challenging.

WAND: Oh yes. I mean, she was one of only three white faces in the class.

Madchen: Oh. (Mutters something under her breath about 1 in 4 Scots).

Madchen (Madchen), Friday, 29 November 2002 09:26 (seventeen years ago) link

My co-worker Oh, I'm not being funny.... but could you only buy your lunch from the shop across the road from now on? When you go anywhere else it takes too long. Maybe you should bring a pack up from home.

Me (in my head): No, fuck off you food fascist. You're the one who is consistantly 15 minutes late back from lunch every day, and I know I'll spend the last hour of the day sitting around doing nothing listening to you go on and on and on so it's not like we're really busy. And God, just never speak to me again!

Me (in reality): Yeah, no problem.

Madeleine (Madeleine), Friday, 29 November 2002 10:29 (seventeen years ago) link

Maddie, immediately invent an obscure food allergy that REQUIRES you to go to a different shop! Oh , and then KILL HER.

Archel (Archel), Friday, 29 November 2002 10:50 (seventeen years ago) link

haha, madchen, fuck you! ;)

dwh (dwh), Friday, 29 November 2002 10:52 (seventeen years ago) link

What the hell? Why, precisely, was that necessary, dwh? Christ on a bike.

Liz :x (Liz :x), Friday, 29 November 2002 10:57 (seventeen years ago) link

Maddie, your co-worker is EVIL. There's only one place you should go for an off-site lunch and that's THE PUB!

robster (robster), Friday, 29 November 2002 10:58 (seventeen years ago) link

Rule 2858 in a series of obscure rules:

Office twats who preface statements with 'I'm not being funny' should recognise that everything following the phrase comes with its own virtual kill file.

My other suggestion would be to canvass other coworkers for a pizza delivery one Friday and exclude her blatantly.

suzy (suzy), Friday, 29 November 2002 11:10 (seventeen years ago) link

I want to invent a food allergy but then I'd be like her! She's allergic to garlic, alcohol, traffic fumes, manmade fibres, "still air" (this means we have the fan on in the winter so the air circulates and her eyes don't "gum up"), some other stuff that I forgot and, of course, EVER DOING ANY WORK. She is allergic to getting off her arse, I fear.

And the "I'm not being funny/I'm not having a go/I don't want you to take this the wrong way...." rule. I reckon if you have to start a sentence with any of these statements, you shouldn't be saying the sentence at all!

Madeleine (Madeleine), Friday, 29 November 2002 11:30 (seventeen years ago) link

Oh, and I can't canvass others to share food. There's only me and her in the whole shop. And when it's quiet she talks to me like we're friends but we're not. It's all very unfortunate.

Madeleine (Madeleine), Friday, 29 November 2002 11:32 (seventeen years ago) link

Haha 'still air'????

Archel (Archel), Friday, 29 November 2002 11:37 (seventeen years ago) link

This stupid stupid woman sent every single person here an email saying that she left 60 centimes in the coffee machine and asking for whoever finds it to bring it to her office. What a scrooge!

Miss Laura, Friday, 29 November 2002 11:58 (seventeen years ago) link

it wasn't sincere, liz, it was just a grumble about the allegation that 1/4 of scots are racist, y'know. the 'haha' was meant to temper it, sorry.

dwh (dwh), Friday, 29 November 2002 12:39 (seventeen years ago) link

Allegation? My personal experience is this:

I work in a room with two people. Person 1 said to me all the stuff I wrote above. She thought nothing of saying it to a stranger (the assumption, I guess, being that I would think the same). Person 2 laughed along merrily. Also, I have come across numerous people in Glasgow who tell me they get scared in London because there are so many black people around. Again, the way they express themselves implies they feel no sense of shame whatsoever - they just don't see there's anything wrong in expressing obviously prejudiced opinions.

I'm not denying for a second that racism doesn't exist elsewhere (and I'm not forgetting that the survey found 3 in 4 Scots aren't racist) but this is the only place I've encountered bigots who have the expectation that my opinion must be the same as theirs.

Madchen (Madchen), Friday, 29 November 2002 13:17 (seventeen years ago) link

Try the deli counter at S**n**ury's. I get so many customers who expect me to agree with their racist opinions simply because I am white. Twats.

alix (alix), Friday, 29 November 2002 17:42 (seventeen years ago) link

e-mail from my boss: "when I came in on Monday, the Threepenny Opera files were not online. I expect that when I assign a task that it will be completed. Don't let this happen in the future."

reply from me: "actually, on Friday we both determined that we had the wrong CD and would have to special order a new copy. On Monday."

reply from my boss: "There must have been some miscommunication here."

yeah, between your ears and your brain. moron!

Dave M. (rotten03), Friday, 29 November 2002 17:56 (seventeen years ago) link

Suzy, you aren't generalising wildly enough: yes, anyone who says "I'm not being funny, but" is best punched, hard and often, but this applies to most other sentences on the "I'm not being [X], but" model. X=racist obviously means "I am a loathsome racist", most obviously and clearly. Try 'sexist' or 'nasty' too.

Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Friday, 29 November 2002 19:18 (seventeen years ago) link

Happily I've been blessed with a slew of great co-workers. I will say that some years back the news that someone was departing from our neck of the woods to go elsewhere was greeted with quiet relief, though.

Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 29 November 2002 19:30 (seventeen years ago) link

Maddy, if she's your boss and only other co-worker then it sounds like she needs you more than you need her. POINTEDLY go to other shops to get your lunch. I say ignore the instruction.

suzy (suzy), Friday, 29 November 2002 22:55 (seventeen years ago) link

Annoying Coworker: Yes, well, that account would be able to fund your entity if you hadn't taken money from it without telling me.
Me: What?
Annoying Coworker: (holds up wire) See? $147,000 from my account.
Me: No, we gave you money.
Annoying Coworker WHO GETS PAID LOTS MORE THAN ME: NO YOU DID NOT. I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't write wires without telling me in the future.
Me: Did you look at this? You account is on the credit side. Management (nb: my account) is on the debit side!
Annoying Coworker: Whatever, just don't do it again.

What the fuck?

Ally (mlescaut), Saturday, 30 November 2002 06:50 (seventeen years ago) link

one month passes...
We've got two new people here this year - one of whom is very cool and I hardly see, so we get along really well. The other one, though - a nightmare. She's the epitome of simpering little girl-ness, speaks to me (and most everyone else) as though I'm a retarded child when in fact I've been doing the job that she's just begun (and is completely incompetent at, I might add) for 12 years. She's one of those people who has never met anyone as fascinating as herself in all of her born days and if she doesn't calm down, stop being a stupid bitch and stop second guessing every word I say to her, I will hit her in the head with a brick.

luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 14 January 2003 19:26 (seventeen years ago) link

The receptionist keeps telling everyone she's going through post partum depression.

Despite the fact that she's obviously still pregnant.

Ally (mlescaut), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 02:47 (seventeen years ago) link

My head hurts.

Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 02:49 (seventeen years ago) link

How about the dumbass cockfarmer that came into the library coughing and sneezing in such an ostentatious way it's like he intentionally planned a big Outbreak scenario? Now I'm at home running a fever and I think I might have bronchitis again.

Nicole (Nicole), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 02:49 (seventeen years ago) link

Hm. Find him and kill him.

Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 02:51 (seventeen years ago) link

I was depressed about being unemployed until I saw this thread. Thank you everyone. :)

fractal (fractal), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 03:06 (seventeen years ago) link

I was also informed that I wasn't authorized to approve payment on technological items.

However, I AM authorized to purchase them, however I want, whenever I want.

What does that even mean?

Ally (mlescaut), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 03:13 (seventeen years ago) link

It means you got the kingdom, you got the key. Order yourself everything you ever wanted and don't share.

Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 03:16 (seventeen years ago) link

people should post more on this thread. i like it.

Maria (Maria), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 04:23 (seventeen years ago) link

What follows is an email that was sent to some friends last spring, after a particularly bad morning with co-workers.

SUBJECT LINE: I gotta get outta this place
...if it's the last thing I ever do (feel free to hum along.)

After a delightful morning spent discussing why someone:
1. Shouldn't open a printer paperfeed drawer, while the printer is printing;
2. Shouldn't send emails to everyone on their mailing lists about Church-related emails;
3. Should let others know when they need the printer instead of deleting documents in the queue;
4. Shouldn't tell someone "this is urgent" so they work really late to get it finished, when really, it isn't urgent at all and in fact, doesn't need to be done at all; and
5. Shouldn't take someone else's lunch from the refrigerator and leave it on the counter to make room for "extra drinks in case we have visitors,"
I have now experienced the conversation to top them all (and really, you have to laugh at this one. I did. Once I calmed down, imbibed chocolate and nicotine, and thought "well, at least it's not quantum physics?). So....here it is:

A Dialogue between "M" (yours truly) and "S" (Otherwise known as Scarett/Princess/Arch Nemesis/The Scarf Lady/etc.)
S: Hey "M"!
M: Yes?
S: You know how to work that digital camera yet?
M: Yeah, figured it out last week.
S: How long does it take to get those photos developed?
M: What?
S: I need some photos really fast, so I can photocopy them and make notes on the back. And get duplicates too, in case they get messed-up.
M: What? What pictures do you need taken?
S: I need to you take pictures of my computer.
M: Why?
S: I need to know what's on my computer.
M: (sigh) You are looking for a file?
S: No, I need to know what is on my screen thing.
M: (dawning awareness) You need screen captures?
S: No, I need pictures of my computer.
M: For....?
S: I need to know what's on my screen, 'cause these instructions don't make sense and I want to make notes.
M: Okay, then you need a picture of the information on your screen, that you can print and add notes to?
S: Yes.
M: Okay, we don't need the camera for that. We can just do screen captures. It's easy.
(M walks over to other office, taking deep and soothing breathes all the while, and explains how to "CTRL+ALT+PrtScn" - runs into trouble with explanation of holding down all keys at the same time. Eventually resolved and screen is captured.)
M: Now open Word and set the page to ?Landscape.?
S: My computer won't do that.
M: What? Yes it will.
(M goes through brief discussion of "portrait" vs "landscape" and how to perform operation in Word. Discovers part of problem is that S doesn?t know how to open Word because the icon isn?t on her desktop.)
M: Now just hit "Shift+Insert" and your screen shot will be inserted.
M: No, you need to hold down both keys at the same time.
M: I don't know, that's just the way the program is designed.
M: Yeah, it is find of frustrating.
M: Okay, now you have it. Just insert a new page for each of the next screen captures and then print the file.
(M returns to own desk and gets back into rhythm of formatting proposal.)
S: M! It isn't working. I want you to take the pictures for me.
M: I don't have time to take the pictures right now, I have to get this back to _____.
S: Well, I don't have the time to use the camera, so I guess this won't get done and _____ will be mad.
M: Yeah, I guess ___ will be mad, but I'll explain the problem to him.
S: Can't you do these thingys for me?
M: No, not right now. I have to get this done.
S: You know, it's your job to do this.
M: No, actually it isn't. I am sorry, but I really can't do it right now. If I have time later I'll come over and see what we can do. In the meantime, why don't you look under the "Help" menu to see if those instructions are better.
S: Oh, my computer doesn't have any "Help" on it. I keep telling ____ he needs to fix it, but he won't.

(M decides, for sake of sanity, to not try and figure out what that last comment means and returns to her editing, swearing all the while.)
End of original email.

And here are additional interesting tidbits about ?S?:
She claimed on her resume to be ?Microsoft Certified,? but was unable to explain what that meant;
She wrote all of her correspondence in Excel, because she didn?t know how to open Word (the icon wasn?t on her desktop);
When she came into work each morning, she made herself a pot of tea and sat in her cubicle reading household decorating magazines and drinking tea for the first two hours: and, best of all
She was once asked to provide a file that she had finished working on to another co-worker. The file was not on her hard drive for, as she explained, she ?didn?t want to fill it up with things? (and it was a 20 G HD!) File was eventually determined, by her, to be on a floppy. But floppy was blank when co-worker opened it. Eventually ?S? showed supervisor where she stored all of her floppys containing important info. She was attaching them to the metal parts of her cubicle with large magnets, so she ?could always find them.?

~ Laura (who is thankful that she can claim to be a happy rat, that abandoned the sinking ship in time to move to a much cushier and affluent ship, and is now ridiculously happy with things)

LCD (Ms Laura), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 05:13 (seventeen years ago) link

She was once asked to provide a file that she had finished working on to another co-worker. The file was not on her hard drive for, as she explained, she "didn't want to fill it up with things" (and it was a 20 G HD!)

I've met a few people who have done basic "computer literacy" courses at colleges and Adult Ed. places who do this. What seems to happen is: the college says "don't store your files on the hard drive [of our lab computers], use a floppy" and the person absorbs this without understanding *why* they're being told it.

These sort of courses always seem to produce people who can't do anything except exactly what was on the course, and then only if their computer is set up exactly like the college ones were. Hence, not being able to start Word if it doesn't have a desktop icon.

(of course, the other stuff shows that this person seems to be a fuckwit regardless of that)

caitlin (caitlin), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 10:49 (seventeen years ago) link

Laura, that's fantastic.

The ex-receptionist at my office once printed out an email so she could type it up in Word.

Alfie (Alfie), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 11:02 (seventeen years ago) link

is that why she's an ex-receptionist?

MarkH (MarkH), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 11:30 (seventeen years ago) link

awwwwww, usually this stuff would make me mad, but today i want to find them all and help them and give them tea.

it's a sappy day.

g-kit (g-kit), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 11:42 (seventeen years ago) link

Heh, you'd think so wouldn't you. In actual fact, it wasn't until she went on holiday for 6 weeks and nobody noticed her absence that it became the MD realised that we could do without her.

Alfie (Alfie), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 11:48 (seventeen years ago) link

sounds familiar - we had a Communications Executive who never did any communicating.

MarkH (MarkH), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 11:54 (seventeen years ago) link

We also had an account executive who used to wander around the office to kill time. He had this time-consuming trick of getting up from his desk and finding a bin in another part of the building to throw his litter into (rather than the bin under his desk). Another trick was to go down to the fax machine to send a fax, return to his desk, wait a couple of minutes and then return to the fax machine to collect the piece of paper.

Alfie (Alfie), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 12:00 (seventeen years ago) link

One of my new colleagues is, to all intents and purposes, Jade. I quote:

1. "What does agriculture mean?"

2. "I was so annoyed. Someone threw themselves under my tube yesterday. People that do that must be mad."

3. Me: "Just tell them to put the web address in and it will take them straight into the site."

Her: "What address? Their address?"

Matt DC (Matt DC), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 12:06 (seventeen years ago) link

I can't decide whether to post this to the annoying colleague or the B.O. thread, so I'm going to post it to both! Anyhow, in one office where I worked we had a guy with a B.O. problem and the managers had to have words with him in private on a couple of occasions. And yes, on those rare occasions when my sinuses were clear (one day in seventeen approx) it was quite annoying and offensive to me. However, it was NOT NEARLY AS ANNOYING AND OFFENSIVE as the colleague who used to go on and on about it all the bloody time whenever the guy with the problem walked out of the room! Not only that, but as soon as he left she used to reach for the can of air freshener which she kept on her desk *specially* and spray about a litre of it about the place! So instead of an office smelling of sweat we had an office reeking of air freshener!

MarkH (MarkH), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 13:58 (seventeen years ago) link

Mailroom guy who looks like a troglodyte - "I wanted 'digical'[pronounced thus] TV cuz I don't have enough channels! They were supposed to install it on Friday but they didn't - the whole weekend I had nuthin' to do! I was really looking forward to it too!"

dave q, Wednesday, 15 January 2003 14:21 (seventeen years ago) link

i don't want to help any of those people, though. far too annoying. the previous lot were quite sweet.

g-kit (g-kit), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 14:45 (seventeen years ago) link

I pretty much get along with my immediate co-workers, and none of them are so annoying that I can't tune them out. However, I once shared an office with a foot fetishist. No kidding; he was friggin' profiled in the Village Voice about it, and was completely calm and collected when I mentioned "so I saw the Voice today..."! I guess we all have our private interests, but we don't all alert the press about it!

Other things he did: worked at his cube standing up (making everyone around him very tense), unbuttoned his shirts halfway down his chest, commented on every phone conversation I had (work related or not), talked to himself, and played horrible CD-Rs of cabaret tunes he wrote and produced. I think the whole experience inoculated me against ever being annoyed by co-workers again.

mike a (mike a), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 16:14 (seventeen years ago) link

Okay, here's another example from today. We had a sales rep come in to demo a software package/online service that provides journal content. Anyhoo, I did a sample search, and one of the citations that got brought up was from an Ethiopian journal. She said (in all seriousness): "Wow! I didn't think that Ethiopians even had any paper, let alone journals!"

Unfortunately something this stupid is uttered in my office at least once a day...

Nicole (Nicole), Thursday, 16 January 2003 03:26 (seventeen years ago) link

The amount of coworkers you've killed in your head must make quite the body count.

Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 16 January 2003 03:54 (seventeen years ago) link

You have no idea. Entire populations have been erased.

Nicole (Nicole), Thursday, 16 January 2003 03:56 (seventeen years ago) link

"As the final screams echoed away into caverns of oblivion, Nicole turned off her death rays and rubbed her chin thoughtfully. 'Should I have used so much napalm?'"

Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 16 January 2003 03:57 (seventeen years ago) link

Came in today to teach a 13 person class..five showed up. Seems six of the eight no-shows were pulled from the class (with nobody telling us), two that were terminated (with nobody telling us).

The only reason we had two classes today was because mine was supposed to have 13. We could have just folded this into one class.

looking for Mon in Alderaan places (Neanderthal), Tuesday, 31 December 2019 20:11 (one month ago) link

So the class is now down to two people because they found out four of the six had already taken the class (how nobody figured this out before now is beyond me). Two is below the minimum requirements for a class.

looking for Mon in Alderaan places (Neanderthal), Thursday, 2 January 2020 17:41 (one month ago) link

The only reason I'm salty about it is it's 8 hours of talking, but if they'd told us in advance, we could have had one class and two of us could have shared it, giving me a break now and then.

Also who schedules training around New Years ffs

looking for Mon in Alderaan places (Neanderthal), Thursday, 2 January 2020 17:45 (one month ago) link

moving to a new even-more-open office next week — like i think we’re just sitting next to each other at tables or something

fucking loud in here, and not because anyone in particular is being loud, but just that there are so many people and so little to absorb the sound

at least there's free selzer on tap i guess

mookieproof, Monday, 6 January 2020 21:35 (one month ago) link

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Stoop Crone (Trayce), Tuesday, 7 January 2020 09:26 (one month ago) link

...sorry this was better for the missent email thread I guess lol

Stoop Crone (Trayce), Tuesday, 7 January 2020 09:26 (one month ago) link

sending out emails with a Keep Calm and Carry On theme, what year is this?

koogs, Tuesday, 7 January 2020 11:23 (one month ago) link

where does neighboring co-worker refusing to use a mousepad rank on the list of crimes?


a Mets fan who gave up on everything in the mid '80s (Dr Morbius), Tuesday, 14 January 2020 17:22 (one month ago) link

I don't think I've seen a mousepad in about 15 years, do they even exist any more??

Colonel Poo, Tuesday, 14 January 2020 17:23 (one month ago) link

Deicide sells one

papa stank (Neanderthal), Tuesday, 14 January 2020 17:26 (one month ago) link

I'm using a mousepad right now - its filthy

| (Latham Green), Tuesday, 14 January 2020 17:33 (one month ago) link

Someone was trimming their nails in a bathroom stall this morning. Whether fingers or toes, I couldn't say, but at this point I just assume whatever makes the least goddamn sense.

Pizza is Really Yummy for Me (Old Lunch), Tuesday, 14 January 2020 17:39 (one month ago) link

so ppl just scrape the mouse on their desks all day? what a world.

a Mets fan who gave up on everything in the mid '80s (Dr Morbius), Tuesday, 14 January 2020 17:42 (one month ago) link

I actually use a little blackboard for a mousepad, and have a little tiny nail affixed to the bottom of my mouse. Works beautifully!

Pizza is Really Yummy for Me (Old Lunch), Tuesday, 14 January 2020 17:46 (one month ago) link

i have a mousepad with a picture of a puppy on it and i have a cordless mouse. much better mouse situation than in any of my previous jobs

bidenfan69420 (jim in vancouver), Tuesday, 14 January 2020 17:47 (one month ago) link

sorry bit big there

it's after the end of the world (Matt #2), Tuesday, 14 January 2020 17:50 (one month ago) link

I use the trackpad cos i have a lapper

papa stank (Neanderthal), Tuesday, 14 January 2020 17:51 (one month ago) link

Jesus Christ thats huge!

| (Latham Green), Tuesday, 14 January 2020 17:53 (one month ago) link

Thanks I use Extenz

papa stank (Neanderthal), Tuesday, 14 January 2020 17:58 (one month ago) link

lol, stop

Pizza is Really Yummy for Me (Old Lunch), Tuesday, 14 January 2020 17:59 (one month ago) link

Tho at first for some reason I thought it was the mark of the Empire from STar War

| (Latham Green), Tuesday, 14 January 2020 18:56 (one month ago) link

two weeks pass...

(Note: the following phenomenon mostly applies to outside parties rather than coworkers per se but, because these things often slip past coworkers unnoticed before they're routed to me, I am okay with implicating them.)

I never, ever thought I'd see the day that I'd encounter professional adults who lack awareness of the necessary components of a US postal address (i.e. those who fill out the address fields on a form and omit a street address, city, state, zip, or some combination of the above). Now I see that day on most days. And this post was, btw, prompted by encountering two instances of such within the past hour. Do these people receive mail ever? And if so, how?

Dr. Teeth and the Women (Old Lunch), Friday, 31 January 2020 17:20 (three weeks ago) link

super bizarre lol

surm, Friday, 31 January 2020 17:28 (three weeks ago) link

These things come from enough different sources all across the country that I'm mostly convinced at this point that I'm just bearing witness to the degradation of the American mind in real time.

Dr. Teeth and the Women (Old Lunch), Friday, 31 January 2020 17:38 (three weeks ago) link

Okay, sorry, I was too hasty. Make that three instances.

Y'know, it's Friday, maybe I can just go for a drink or four and forget to come back.

Dr. Teeth and the Women (Old Lunch), Friday, 31 January 2020 17:41 (three weeks ago) link

If the zip's there you probably can leave out the city and state.

nickn, Friday, 31 January 2020 17:46 (three weeks ago) link

this is probably young people who genuinely aren't familiar with sending mail

don't care didn't ask still clappin (sic), Friday, 31 January 2020 21:57 (three weeks ago) link

maybe they aren't american?

Yerac, Friday, 31 January 2020 22:03 (three weeks ago) link

Nah, these things are filled out or at least ostensibly vetted by professionals licensed and working in the US. Traumatic brain injury/liquefication is really the only acceptable explanation.

Dr. Teeth and the Women (Old Lunch), Friday, 31 January 2020 22:44 (three weeks ago) link

Can't bitch about my annoying co-worker on Facebook rn because of lol work filters but I finally acquired one a few months ago and boy howdy is she a one. Over ten years older than me yet has the mentality of a boy-crazy 15-year-old, total head in the clouds, monopolizes every conversation she's in, has little of consequence to discuss, etc. I'm the type of person who feels like the vast majority of people are intelligent in some way and have things to teach me, but the only thing this woman is teaching me is to value the other people in my life who ARE "intelligent in some way and have things to teach me". Also, she's bizarrely against progress, e.g. when I raved about the Impossible Whopper to my co-workers she immediately jumped in with, "I've got to have meat so I'm not getting anywhere near that!" Like, I'm an omnivore who couldn't give up my beef, poultry, and seafood, but holy fuck you (ESPECIALLY you, annoying co-worker) can lay off on the meat every now and again. Whew, feel better now having typed all that out.

Dee the (Summer-Hating) Lurker (deethelurker), Monday, 3 February 2020 13:51 (two weeks ago) link

Me: Dear person z who is assigned to manage outside party x, please add contact y in the system so that, in future, we are able to recognize that contact y is affiliated with outside party x. Here is the specific information identifying party x.'

(no response)

(new correspondence received from contact y)

Me: Dear person z, second request, see previous email below containing all the information you need.'

Person z: I am not assigned to party x.

Me: Hmmmm, interesting, the system shows that you actually had an on-site visit with party x two weeks ago.

Person z: Who even is party x, I don't see any information indicating who party x is, where am I, how do I make food go in tummy, so hungy.

Me: (copies and pastes information from initial request, highlights, blows up to 720pt flashing type, hits send, shoots self)

Sammo Hazuki's Tago Mago Cantina (Old Lunch), Friday, 7 February 2020 19:43 (two weeks ago) link

This is one of those things where I don't know if it's symptomatic of my particular workplace or if I've just worked here so long that I don't realize it's creeped into the culture-at-large, this thing where people will very confidently declare something that's just flat-out and demonstrably wrong without even bothering to spend .025 seconds beforehand to confirm before they make themselves look like utter dipshits. Or am I the dipshit for failing to realize that this (e.g. deflecting responsibility in hopes that people are so exasperated/exhausted that they eventually stop following up or badgering you) is just the new professionalism? That trying is just dumb and lame?

Sammo Hazuki's Tago Mago Cantina (Old Lunch), Friday, 7 February 2020 20:26 (two weeks ago) link

So my stupid ass did a screen share today forgetting I had an ILX football thread up.

Congrats guys, you're famous.

sorry for butt rockin (Neanderthal), Tuesday, 11 February 2020 17:50 (one week ago) link

Bright side: coulda been wallogina.

Sammo Hazuki's Tago Mago Cantina (Old Lunch), Tuesday, 11 February 2020 17:56 (one week ago) link

'what's that sir? you want me to share the front page of Le Monde? sure, i'll just..'

l e m o n ...

Li'l Brexit (Tracer Hand), Tuesday, 11 February 2020 17:57 (one week ago) link

i accidentally screenshared the dinosaurs asteroid thread in a meeting today. they were into it.

closed beta (NotEnough), Tuesday, 11 February 2020 19:45 (one week ago) link

it’s an objectively good thread

Homegrown Georgia speedster Ladd McConkey (bizarro gazzara), Tuesday, 11 February 2020 19:46 (one week ago) link

lets not bitch abt yr smart and pleasing co-workers

mark s, Tuesday, 11 February 2020 19:52 (one week ago) link

My company is, among other things, an HR outsourcing firm, so we build call centers for clients that don't want to handle their own benefits recordkeeping. This part of our business has been suffering for probably a decade. Because of the terrible cuts we made to training over the years, people got frustrated and began leaving in droves. So our representative base is rather green and has little veteran leadership to learn from and they're entrusted with processing things like 401k withdrawals and distributions, which of course, due to training cuts and having no veteran help, they routinely screw up, and it costs us buckets of money each time.

we also have service level fees for calls answered that we are struggling to meet, but the reason our clients are leaving is mostly because our quality sucks. we were once an industry leader, now....we're a joke.

Anyway, their solution to this problem was to cut our already too-short trainings from 4.5 days to 4 on these complex topics. and, the kicker, to start piling high volumes of warm bodies (50+) into a class, from a third-party partner location whose technology cannot handle our servers on a routine basis, and it's being done entirely virtually. And the person they gave to teach the class with me has never handled 401(k) before and does not know it, and is working entirely from his guide. He's a great trainer, but I don't care how great you are, if you teach a topic you don't know...

*time to update resume*.

what can I do that won't get me fired but might put me to the top of the 'layoff' list?

sorry for butt rockin (Neanderthal), Wednesday, 12 February 2020 17:16 (one week ago) link

cos we get 2 weeks for every eyar of service, that'd be 30 weeks for me. but I'm afraid if I wait until the company finally folds, which seems inevitable, they'll go bankrupt and not be able to pay me any severance.

sorry for butt rockin (Neanderthal), Wednesday, 12 February 2020 17:17 (one week ago) link

Ahh, those days of youthful innocence, when I didn't strongly suspect on a daily basis that the people in charge were involved in some elaborate Producers-esque scheme to ensure the failure of their chosen enterprise.

Sammo Hazuki's Tago Mago Cantina (Old Lunch), Wednesday, 12 February 2020 17:24 (one week ago) link

moved to a new office location last month; the new space has new chairs, which look nice but offer no back support at all -- like if you lean back, you just keep going until you hit about 45°, and there's no way to lock them

lots of people complained, myself among them

company's response is that it will order aeron chairs for people who want them -- but will only pay for them if you can provide a doctor's note saying that you *need* back support. otherwise you can pay $1000 out of pocket for one

no other outside chairs will be allowed, for the sake of 'conformity'

i can get a doctor's note, i'm sure, but the whole thing is fucking stupid

mookieproof, Wednesday, 12 February 2020 17:30 (one week ago) link

That is really fucking dumb.

I can't sit in one of those chairs without locking ability but fuck a doctor note

sorry for butt rockin (Neanderthal), Wednesday, 12 February 2020 18:09 (one week ago) link

Get as many doctor notes as possible from across the business and submit/

lefal junglist platton (wtev), Wednesday, 12 February 2020 20:58 (one week ago) link

my old building said that those yoga ball chairs weren't allowed, everyone just ignored it and did it anyway.

You should just jimmy-rig a standing desk and use the chair to put your knee on.

Yerac, Wednesday, 12 February 2020 21:04 (one week ago) link

moved to a new office location last month; the new space has new chairs, which look nice but offer no back support at all -- like if you lean back, you just keep going until you hit about 45°, and there's no way to lock them

lots of people complained, myself among them

company's response is that it will order aeron chairs for people who want them -- but will only pay for them if you can provide a doctor's note saying that you *need* back support. otherwise you can pay $1000 out of pocket for one

no other outside chairs will be allowed, for the sake of 'conformity'

i can get a doctor's note, i'm sure, but the whole thing is fucking stupid

Holy fucking shit is that a dumb thing to do. Decent office chairs aren't even really that expensive if you're buying them in bulk but boy do they make a difference when it comes to productivity and overall worker satisfaction. Also, thank goodness my workplace allows you to purchase your own ~fancier~ office chair if you wish.

We Live as We Dee, Alone (deethelurker), Thursday, 13 February 2020 01:11 (one week ago) link

Just...I mean...why do I have to tell a professional adult, why do I actually need to spell out the fact, that a person's name written in a cursive font in an unlocked and editable Word document does not suffice when a signature is required? Just...fucking...why.

Sammo Hazuki's Tago Mago Cantina (Old Lunch), Tuesday, 18 February 2020 15:01 (five days ago) link

Because signing a Word document is stupid and makes no sense?

Li'l Brexit (Tracer Hand), Tuesday, 18 February 2020 21:19 (five days ago) link

I got scheduled to do basically a month's worth of training for this special client. This morning, I was told I needed to submit to a background check with them to lead this training - separate from the background check I already did for my own company.

I know in some industries where there are client relationships, this isn't unusual, but for our company, it is. I have a clean report, but I object to having to subject to a second one.

then after hemming and hawing about this for hours, it turns out we were only told this because the manager who requested the training misunderstood that we were going to use his client's own unique systems, which we're not. which we never agreed to do.


sorry for butt rockin (Neanderthal), Thursday, 20 February 2020 22:09 (three days ago) link

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