Let's bitch about our stupid, annoying co-workers

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Girl I work with is chatting to a male customer in friendly fashion as she serves him. He leaves, then me and her have this conversation.

Annoying Girl: "I hope people don't get the wrong idea!"
Me: "Eh?"
AG: "About me and the guy. I hope people don't start thinking we're going out, just because I'm friendly to him when he comes in."
Me: "Eh, I don't think people will assume that."
AG: "You don't think the bosses would fire me for it? You know, for being too friendly with the customers?"
Me: "Eh, no." (Thinking: Christ Almighty!)
AG: "I'm really worried now. They wouldn't fire me for it, would they?"
Me: "I doubt it."

A few minutes pass...

AG: "I'm still really worried. They wouldn't fire me, would they?"
Me: "NO!" (Thinking: leave me alone, you neurotic freak!)

Then this crazy elderly man, a regular customer, comes in. He was in a car accident which left him, (how shall I put this?), barking mad. He thinks he's a real estate owner, and I'm one of his tenants, despite the fact that he asks me for money for tobacco every time he comes in. He proceeds to tell the annoying girl about all the houses he owns, and how I am one of his tenants etc, etc, while drooling and smelling terrible! He leaves.

AG: (genuinely) "Was that true, what he was saying?"
Me: "Oh my, no."
AG: "It could have been..."
Me: "I'm pretty sure it wasn't" (Thinking: Christ! I think I'd know if I was one of his tenants!)
AG: "Appearances can be deceptive..."
Me: "No, I'm pretty sure he's barking mad."
AG: "But-"
Me: "NO!"

It was a long day at work. I feel better now I've got it off my chest! Now it's your turn to bitch.

What makes it even more irritating is that she's a very NICE person. No harm in her at all, just really annoying and stupid. So I feel bad for bitching about her, yet I am compelled to do so!

weasel diesel (K1l14n), Thursday, 28 November 2002 22:19 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

One of the managers at the petrol station once called me outside for a smoke and to talk to me, it was a bit like the Warden Norton/Tommy scene in Shawshank Redemption.

Boss:"Ronan could you comb your hair next time you come to work"

Me:"eh in fairness the contract doesn't say anything about me having to comb my hair"

Boss:"yeah but I mean you're a student now yeah? this job isn't so bad. they look after you well, it's a good wage, I'm happy with my lot"

Me:"I don't think there's any chance of me ever working here for a living, long term"

Boss:"Yeah and they pay your health insurance, it's not too difficult a job either"

Me:"Yeah no I'm never going to want to work here, to be honest I was planning on quitting as soon as I start college, or maybe even sooner, you needn't tell the main boss that"

Boss:"Oh don't worry, whatever is discussed here stays here. *long David Brent style lecture* I know what it's like to work WITH people and AROUND people, and I know that this station is not being run as effectively as possible, it's a clique, and I'm sure you can see that too Ronan. But quitting isn't going to change that. You quitting will not make this a smoother operation.

Me:"Eh I don't care about this job, I'm not sure what your point is"

Boss:"All I'm saying is, think about what I've said to you yeah? Just think about it"


Ronan (Ronan), Thursday, 28 November 2002 22:45 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

Is it only DCU students who work with stupid, annoying people?

DV (dirtyvicar), Thursday, 28 November 2002 23:50 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

no, its anyone who has ever worked in bars with no-neck, arrogant-for-no-reason wankers, with no brain function other than the tiny amount required to raise a beer to their filthy mouths after a shift.

donna (donna), Friday, 29 November 2002 04:26 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

Hurrah for it is the last day of the CompulsiveEatingBurpingCulotteWearingTactlessJollyCoWorker today!!! What will hopefully be my last annoying conversation with her happened first thing on Wednesday morning:

CEBCWTJCW: Morning Rachel!!! Oooh! What have you done to your NOSE??

Me: What? Oh yeah, it's a spot.

CEBCWTJCW: No! You've cut yourself or something! It's really RED.

Me: No, really, it's just a big, shiny, noticeable spot.

CEBCWTJCW: It looks really BAD!

At this point I gave up all hope of having a good day.

Archel (Archel), Friday, 29 November 2002 09:17 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

Day one at my new job.

Woman At Next Desk: Oh, you used to live in London? So did I. I moved back after my daughter started school and, to be honest, I'm really glad I did. The education you get in London is terrible.

Madchen: I've heard inner city schools are, er, challenging.

WAND: Oh yes. I mean, she was one of only three white faces in the class.

Madchen: Oh. (Mutters something under her breath about 1 in 4 Scots).

Madchen (Madchen), Friday, 29 November 2002 09:26 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

My co-worker Oh, I'm not being funny.... but could you only buy your lunch from the shop across the road from now on? When you go anywhere else it takes too long. Maybe you should bring a pack up from home.

Me (in my head): No, fuck off you food fascist. You're the one who is consistantly 15 minutes late back from lunch every day, and I know I'll spend the last hour of the day sitting around doing nothing listening to you go on and on and on so it's not like we're really busy. And God, just never speak to me again!

Me (in reality): Yeah, no problem.

Madeleine (Madeleine), Friday, 29 November 2002 10:29 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

Maddie, immediately invent an obscure food allergy that REQUIRES you to go to a different shop! Oh , and then KILL HER.

Archel (Archel), Friday, 29 November 2002 10:50 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

haha, madchen, fuck you! ;)

dwh (dwh), Friday, 29 November 2002 10:52 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

What the hell? Why, precisely, was that necessary, dwh? Christ on a bike.

Liz :x (Liz :x), Friday, 29 November 2002 10:57 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

Maddie, your co-worker is EVIL. There's only one place you should go for an off-site lunch and that's THE PUB!

robster (robster), Friday, 29 November 2002 10:58 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

Rule 2858 in a series of obscure rules:

Office twats who preface statements with 'I'm not being funny' should recognise that everything following the phrase comes with its own virtual kill file.

My other suggestion would be to canvass other coworkers for a pizza delivery one Friday and exclude her blatantly.

suzy (suzy), Friday, 29 November 2002 11:10 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

I want to invent a food allergy but then I'd be like her! She's allergic to garlic, alcohol, traffic fumes, manmade fibres, "still air" (this means we have the fan on in the winter so the air circulates and her eyes don't "gum up"), some other stuff that I forgot and, of course, EVER DOING ANY WORK. She is allergic to getting off her arse, I fear.

And the "I'm not being funny/I'm not having a go/I don't want you to take this the wrong way...." rule. I reckon if you have to start a sentence with any of these statements, you shouldn't be saying the sentence at all!

Madeleine (Madeleine), Friday, 29 November 2002 11:30 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

Oh, and I can't canvass others to share food. There's only me and her in the whole shop. And when it's quiet she talks to me like we're friends but we're not. It's all very unfortunate.

Madeleine (Madeleine), Friday, 29 November 2002 11:32 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

Haha 'still air'????

Archel (Archel), Friday, 29 November 2002 11:37 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

This stupid stupid woman sent every single person here an email saying that she left 60 centimes in the coffee machine and asking for whoever finds it to bring it to her office. What a scrooge!

Miss Laura, Friday, 29 November 2002 11:58 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

it wasn't sincere, liz, it was just a grumble about the allegation that 1/4 of scots are racist, y'know. the 'haha' was meant to temper it, sorry.

dwh (dwh), Friday, 29 November 2002 12:39 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

Allegation? My personal experience is this:

I work in a room with two people. Person 1 said to me all the stuff I wrote above. She thought nothing of saying it to a stranger (the assumption, I guess, being that I would think the same). Person 2 laughed along merrily. Also, I have come across numerous people in Glasgow who tell me they get scared in London because there are so many black people around. Again, the way they express themselves implies they feel no sense of shame whatsoever - they just don't see there's anything wrong in expressing obviously prejudiced opinions.

I'm not denying for a second that racism doesn't exist elsewhere (and I'm not forgetting that the survey found 3 in 4 Scots aren't racist) but this is the only place I've encountered bigots who have the expectation that my opinion must be the same as theirs.

Madchen (Madchen), Friday, 29 November 2002 13:17 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

Try the deli counter at S**n**ury's. I get so many customers who expect me to agree with their racist opinions simply because I am white. Twats.

alix (alix), Friday, 29 November 2002 17:42 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

e-mail from my boss: "when I came in on Monday, the Threepenny Opera files were not online. I expect that when I assign a task that it will be completed. Don't let this happen in the future."

reply from me: "actually, on Friday we both determined that we had the wrong CD and would have to special order a new copy. On Monday."

reply from my boss: "There must have been some miscommunication here."

yeah, between your ears and your brain. moron!

Dave M. (rotten03), Friday, 29 November 2002 17:56 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

Suzy, you aren't generalising wildly enough: yes, anyone who says "I'm not being funny, but" is best punched, hard and often, but this applies to most other sentences on the "I'm not being [X], but" model. X=racist obviously means "I am a loathsome racist", most obviously and clearly. Try 'sexist' or 'nasty' too.

Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Friday, 29 November 2002 19:18 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

Happily I've been blessed with a slew of great co-workers. I will say that some years back the news that someone was departing from our neck of the woods to go elsewhere was greeted with quiet relief, though.

Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 29 November 2002 19:30 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

Maddy, if she's your boss and only other co-worker then it sounds like she needs you more than you need her. POINTEDLY go to other shops to get your lunch. I say ignore the instruction.

suzy (suzy), Friday, 29 November 2002 22:55 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

Annoying Coworker: Yes, well, that account would be able to fund your entity if you hadn't taken money from it without telling me.
Me: What?
Annoying Coworker: (holds up wire) See? $147,000 from my account.
Me: No, we gave you money.
Annoying Coworker WHO GETS PAID LOTS MORE THAN ME: NO YOU DID NOT. I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't write wires without telling me in the future.
Me: Did you look at this? You account is on the credit side. Management (nb: my account) is on the debit side!
Annoying Coworker: Whatever, just don't do it again.

What the fuck?

Ally (mlescaut), Saturday, 30 November 2002 06:50 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

one month passes...
We've got two new people here this year - one of whom is very cool and I hardly see, so we get along really well. The other one, though - a nightmare. She's the epitome of simpering little girl-ness, speaks to me (and most everyone else) as though I'm a retarded child when in fact I've been doing the job that she's just begun (and is completely incompetent at, I might add) for 12 years. She's one of those people who has never met anyone as fascinating as herself in all of her born days and if she doesn't calm down, stop being a stupid bitch and stop second guessing every word I say to her, I will hit her in the head with a brick.

luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 14 January 2003 19:26 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

The receptionist keeps telling everyone she's going through post partum depression.

Despite the fact that she's obviously still pregnant.

Ally (mlescaut), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 02:47 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

My head hurts.

Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 02:49 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

How about the dumbass cockfarmer that came into the library coughing and sneezing in such an ostentatious way it's like he intentionally planned a big Outbreak scenario? Now I'm at home running a fever and I think I might have bronchitis again.

Nicole (Nicole), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 02:49 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

Hm. Find him and kill him.

Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 02:51 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

I was depressed about being unemployed until I saw this thread. Thank you everyone. :)

fractal (fractal), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 03:06 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

I was also informed that I wasn't authorized to approve payment on technological items.

However, I AM authorized to purchase them, however I want, whenever I want.

What does that even mean?

Ally (mlescaut), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 03:13 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

It means you got the kingdom, you got the key. Order yourself everything you ever wanted and don't share.

Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 03:16 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

people should post more on this thread. i like it.

Maria (Maria), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 04:23 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

What follows is an email that was sent to some friends last spring, after a particularly bad morning with co-workers.

SUBJECT LINE: I gotta get outta this place
...if it's the last thing I ever do (feel free to hum along.)

After a delightful morning spent discussing why someone:
1. Shouldn't open a printer paperfeed drawer, while the printer is printing;
2. Shouldn't send emails to everyone on their mailing lists about Church-related emails;
3. Should let others know when they need the printer instead of deleting documents in the queue;
4. Shouldn't tell someone "this is urgent" so they work really late to get it finished, when really, it isn't urgent at all and in fact, doesn't need to be done at all; and
5. Shouldn't take someone else's lunch from the refrigerator and leave it on the counter to make room for "extra drinks in case we have visitors,"
I have now experienced the conversation to top them all (and really, you have to laugh at this one. I did. Once I calmed down, imbibed chocolate and nicotine, and thought "well, at least it's not quantum physics?). So....here it is:

A Dialogue between "M" (yours truly) and "S" (Otherwise known as Scarett/Princess/Arch Nemesis/The Scarf Lady/etc.)
S: Hey "M"!
M: Yes?
S: You know how to work that digital camera yet?
M: Yeah, figured it out last week.
S: How long does it take to get those photos developed?
M: What?
S: I need some photos really fast, so I can photocopy them and make notes on the back. And get duplicates too, in case they get messed-up.
M: What? What pictures do you need taken?
S: I need to you take pictures of my computer.
M: Why?
S: I need to know what's on my computer.
M: (sigh) You are looking for a file?
S: No, I need to know what is on my screen thing.
M: (dawning awareness) You need screen captures?
S: No, I need pictures of my computer.
M: For....?
S: I need to know what's on my screen, 'cause these instructions don't make sense and I want to make notes.
M: Okay, then you need a picture of the information on your screen, that you can print and add notes to?
S: Yes.
M: Okay, we don't need the camera for that. We can just do screen captures. It's easy.
(M walks over to other office, taking deep and soothing breathes all the while, and explains how to "CTRL+ALT+PrtScn" - runs into trouble with explanation of holding down all keys at the same time. Eventually resolved and screen is captured.)
M: Now open Word and set the page to ?Landscape.?
S: My computer won't do that.
M: What? Yes it will.
(M goes through brief discussion of "portrait" vs "landscape" and how to perform operation in Word. Discovers part of problem is that S doesn?t know how to open Word because the icon isn?t on her desktop.)
M: Now just hit "Shift+Insert" and your screen shot will be inserted.
M: No, you need to hold down both keys at the same time.
M: I don't know, that's just the way the program is designed.
M: Yeah, it is find of frustrating.
M: Okay, now you have it. Just insert a new page for each of the next screen captures and then print the file.
(M returns to own desk and gets back into rhythm of formatting proposal.)
S: M! It isn't working. I want you to take the pictures for me.
M: I don't have time to take the pictures right now, I have to get this back to _____.
S: Well, I don't have the time to use the camera, so I guess this won't get done and _____ will be mad.
M: Yeah, I guess ___ will be mad, but I'll explain the problem to him.
S: Can't you do these thingys for me?
M: No, not right now. I have to get this done.
S: You know, it's your job to do this.
M: No, actually it isn't. I am sorry, but I really can't do it right now. If I have time later I'll come over and see what we can do. In the meantime, why don't you look under the "Help" menu to see if those instructions are better.
S: Oh, my computer doesn't have any "Help" on it. I keep telling ____ he needs to fix it, but he won't.

(M decides, for sake of sanity, to not try and figure out what that last comment means and returns to her editing, swearing all the while.)
End of original email.

And here are additional interesting tidbits about ?S?:
She claimed on her resume to be ?Microsoft Certified,? but was unable to explain what that meant;
She wrote all of her correspondence in Excel, because she didn?t know how to open Word (the icon wasn?t on her desktop);
When she came into work each morning, she made herself a pot of tea and sat in her cubicle reading household decorating magazines and drinking tea for the first two hours: and, best of all
She was once asked to provide a file that she had finished working on to another co-worker. The file was not on her hard drive for, as she explained, she ?didn?t want to fill it up with things? (and it was a 20 G HD!) File was eventually determined, by her, to be on a floppy. But floppy was blank when co-worker opened it. Eventually ?S? showed supervisor where she stored all of her floppys containing important info. She was attaching them to the metal parts of her cubicle with large magnets, so she ?could always find them.?

~ Laura (who is thankful that she can claim to be a happy rat, that abandoned the sinking ship in time to move to a much cushier and affluent ship, and is now ridiculously happy with things)

LCD (Ms Laura), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 05:13 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

She was once asked to provide a file that she had finished working on to another co-worker. The file was not on her hard drive for, as she explained, she "didn't want to fill it up with things" (and it was a 20 G HD!)

I've met a few people who have done basic "computer literacy" courses at colleges and Adult Ed. places who do this. What seems to happen is: the college says "don't store your files on the hard drive [of our lab computers], use a floppy" and the person absorbs this without understanding *why* they're being told it.

These sort of courses always seem to produce people who can't do anything except exactly what was on the course, and then only if their computer is set up exactly like the college ones were. Hence, not being able to start Word if it doesn't have a desktop icon.

(of course, the other stuff shows that this person seems to be a fuckwit regardless of that)

caitlin (caitlin), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 10:49 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

Laura, that's fantastic.

The ex-receptionist at my office once printed out an email so she could type it up in Word.

Alfie (Alfie), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 11:02 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

is that why she's an ex-receptionist?

MarkH (MarkH), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 11:30 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

awwwwww, usually this stuff would make me mad, but today i want to find them all and help them and give them tea.

it's a sappy day.

g-kit (g-kit), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 11:42 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

Heh, you'd think so wouldn't you. In actual fact, it wasn't until she went on holiday for 6 weeks and nobody noticed her absence that it became the MD realised that we could do without her.

Alfie (Alfie), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 11:48 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

sounds familiar - we had a Communications Executive who never did any communicating.

MarkH (MarkH), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 11:54 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

We also had an account executive who used to wander around the office to kill time. He had this time-consuming trick of getting up from his desk and finding a bin in another part of the building to throw his litter into (rather than the bin under his desk). Another trick was to go down to the fax machine to send a fax, return to his desk, wait a couple of minutes and then return to the fax machine to collect the piece of paper.

Alfie (Alfie), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 12:00 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

One of my new colleagues is, to all intents and purposes, Jade. I quote:

1. "What does agriculture mean?"

2. "I was so annoyed. Someone threw themselves under my tube yesterday. People that do that must be mad."

3. Me: "Just tell them to put the web address in and it will take them straight into the site."

Her: "What address? Their address?"

Matt DC (Matt DC), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 12:06 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

I can't decide whether to post this to the annoying colleague or the B.O. thread, so I'm going to post it to both! Anyhow, in one office where I worked we had a guy with a B.O. problem and the managers had to have words with him in private on a couple of occasions. And yes, on those rare occasions when my sinuses were clear (one day in seventeen approx) it was quite annoying and offensive to me. However, it was NOT NEARLY AS ANNOYING AND OFFENSIVE as the colleague who used to go on and on about it all the bloody time whenever the guy with the problem walked out of the room! Not only that, but as soon as he left she used to reach for the can of air freshener which she kept on her desk *specially* and spray about a litre of it about the place! So instead of an office smelling of sweat we had an office reeking of air freshener!

MarkH (MarkH), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 13:58 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

Mailroom guy who looks like a troglodyte - "I wanted 'digical'[pronounced thus] TV cuz I don't have enough channels! They were supposed to install it on Friday but they didn't - the whole weekend I had nuthin' to do! I was really looking forward to it too!"

dave q, Wednesday, 15 January 2003 14:21 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

i don't want to help any of those people, though. far too annoying. the previous lot were quite sweet.

g-kit (g-kit), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 14:45 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

I pretty much get along with my immediate co-workers, and none of them are so annoying that I can't tune them out. However, I once shared an office with a foot fetishist. No kidding; he was friggin' profiled in the Village Voice about it, and was completely calm and collected when I mentioned "so I saw the Voice today..."! I guess we all have our private interests, but we don't all alert the press about it!

Other things he did: worked at his cube standing up (making everyone around him very tense), unbuttoned his shirts halfway down his chest, commented on every phone conversation I had (work related or not), talked to himself, and played horrible CD-Rs of cabaret tunes he wrote and produced. I think the whole experience inoculated me against ever being annoyed by co-workers again.

mike a (mike a), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 16:14 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

Okay, here's another example from today. We had a sales rep come in to demo a software package/online service that provides journal content. Anyhoo, I did a sample search, and one of the citations that got brought up was from an Ethiopian journal. She said (in all seriousness): "Wow! I didn't think that Ethiopians even had any paper, let alone journals!"

Unfortunately something this stupid is uttered in my office at least once a day...

Nicole (Nicole), Thursday, 16 January 2003 03:26 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

The amount of coworkers you've killed in your head must make quite the body count.

Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 16 January 2003 03:54 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

You have no idea. Entire populations have been erased.

Nicole (Nicole), Thursday, 16 January 2003 03:56 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

"As the final screams echoed away into caverns of oblivion, Nicole turned off her death rays and rubbed her chin thoughtfully. 'Should I have used so much napalm?'"

Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 16 January 2003 03:57 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

Hysteresis does not justify setting the room thermostat at 25c (77f). Especially when that thing is blowing negatively refreshing warm dry air right down on to the top of my head.

Monogo doesn't socialise (ledge), Tuesday, 12 December 2017 10:46 (one month ago) Permalink

saga of the smoothie stand continues:

we have a Whatsapp group chat for the whole team including the manager (there's only six of us). This morning said manager texts the group "can everyone who is working this weekend wear a Xmas jumper please?" and I take an hour to calm down upon seeing it. I don't celebrate Xmas and I haven't done it for five or six years - I find it stressful and costly and unfulfilling and I'm much happier at home by myself with a book than I am traipsing around Scotland trying to catch all sides of my family for an arbitrary day of food I'm not fussed about having. But I could just as easily not be celebrating for religious reasons or to avoid the shadow of grief and trauma in my life or any number of reasons - the point is, I really resent the assumption that I partake in the festivities. I can tolerate Xmas music, I can tolerate a tree in the staff room, but I don't want to spend my money (which, in all honesty, I probably don't have to spare anyway) on a jumper that's ugly to celebrate a holiday I no longer have time for.

So I calmly reply in the group chat so everyone can see I don't take part and that way it helps me fend off questions later. "Is this going to be a thing going forward? Only I don't take part in Xmas for personal reasons and I really don't have the money or inclination to buy a jumper to mark a holiday I don't celebrate. I don't mind you guys having the Xmas playlists on or wearing jumpers but its important to me that I don't have to do this. Sorry!" I think that's as firm/polite as I can be in saying "you cannot coerce me into this and the fact you are trying is a terrible idea", it feels perilously close to an HR situation to force someone to wear clothes that potentially compromise their religious beliefs and I think it's important that a lesson is learned here.

it turns out, every branch of the chain is doing this to raise money for charity. I replied "oh I didn't realise. I'm happy to donate!" I haven't heard anything more about it yet. But it's such a shitty approach, to assume "seasonal" is a default setting. I wish we lived in a world where people asked "are you doing anything for the holidays?" and not "what will you be doing?"

boxedjoy, Tuesday, 12 December 2017 22:22 (one month ago) Permalink

i'm hearing/reading a lot of this horrible insidious shit lately. a friend on twitter was talking about how she works in a shop and there's a "pyjama or onesie day" which is mandatory.

wish people would abandon this fever for behaving like fucking infants or at the very least not enforce it as a rule in a place someone must attend in order to earn money to live.

Bein' Sean Bean (LocalGarda), Tuesday, 12 December 2017 22:25 (one month ago) Permalink

I mean, when I go into a shop or whatever when this is happens, the staff don't ever seem to be that more motivated or happy because of their enforced "fun", if anything its the opposite - the sense of embarassment and frustration just makes it seem so demeaning and I don't want to spend money if it encourages this sort of thing

boxedjoy, Tuesday, 12 December 2017 22:36 (one month ago) Permalink

Our secret santa was opt OUT this year which of course caught a bunch of people off guard when they lazily didnt reply to the email and are now stuck with it.

Stoop Crone (Trayce), Wednesday, 13 December 2017 00:12 (one month ago) Permalink

my boss messaged all of us to tell us he wanted his Secret Santa to donate the money in his name to our internal <Insert Company Name> Lives Matter fund.

then tells us we're under no obligation to do that ourselves while he's clearly trying to get us all to do it.

not really a 'Secret Santa' anymore at that point.

fuck you, your hat is horrible (Neanderthal), Wednesday, 13 December 2017 03:02 (one month ago) Permalink

Haha our office manager just set up a gift registry for ours! Its actually not a bad idea, dunno why no one thot of it before

Stoop Crone (Trayce), Wednesday, 13 December 2017 03:06 (one month ago) Permalink

we use Elfster

fuck you, your hat is horrible (Neanderthal), Wednesday, 13 December 2017 03:08 (one month ago) Permalink

I asked for a King Diamond t-shirt because I'm the black sheep of the department and don't want a shitty candle or a King James Bible

fuck you, your hat is horrible (Neanderthal), Wednesday, 13 December 2017 03:08 (one month ago) Permalink

whoa people actually gift bibles in a secret santa? what if you gave them a gideons bible you obviously picked up at a motel?

mh, Wednesday, 13 December 2017 03:24 (one month ago) Permalink

I wouldn't actually get somebody one, but one of my Secret Santas listed her 3 favorite books as gift ideas and Bible was #1

I got her one of her other items, a candle.

fuck you, your hat is horrible (Neanderthal), Wednesday, 13 December 2017 03:31 (one month ago) Permalink

it was something like Bible, Sidney Sheldon novel, Archie comic or something

fuck you, your hat is horrible (Neanderthal), Wednesday, 13 December 2017 03:31 (one month ago) Permalink

whoa people actually gift bibles in a secret santa?

LOL someone gave someone else a singing mini Koran in one of my old jobs.
Then again that same company thought giving a red lacy bra to a lady whod had breast cancer was funny somehow

I feel like I have told this story before.

Stoop Crone (Trayce), Wednesday, 13 December 2017 04:01 (one month ago) Permalink

the FUCK?

fuck you, your hat is horrible (Neanderthal), Wednesday, 13 December 2017 04:02 (one month ago) Permalink

at one of my previous jobs, a colleague gave one of the bosses (male) a ball gag in the secret santa. tbf to the boss, he put it on in the restaurant

calumerio, Wednesday, 13 December 2017 10:01 (one month ago) Permalink

same company thought giving a red lacy bra to a lady whod had breast cancer was funny somehow


Chuck_Tatum, Wednesday, 13 December 2017 10:33 (one month ago) Permalink

Those are exclamation marks in place of my ability to conceive of what the fuck they were thinking.

Chuck_Tatum, Wednesday, 13 December 2017 10:34 (one month ago) Permalink

The Office apparently wasn't nearly awful enough

Thomas NAGL (Neil S), Wednesday, 13 December 2017 10:34 (one month ago) Permalink

There is a special place in hell for people who stand in the elevator jabbing the close door button while other people are still trying to get in

badg, Wednesday, 13 December 2017 19:05 (one month ago) Permalink

But is there a special elevator to get there

remember the lmao (darraghmac), Wednesday, 13 December 2017 19:08 (one month ago) Permalink

what if the people trying to get in are bad

mh, Wednesday, 13 December 2017 19:24 (one month ago) Permalink

i had to move from an amazing desk in an open area with a skyline view to a small dark room. the desks are arranged in such a way that when i'm sitting at my desk, there's about a 6 inch space between the back of my chair and the desk behind me. this fucking guy who needs way more clearance than that insists on squeezing through that small area behind me, despite there being another unobstructed path to the door. dude's stomach bumps my chair every time and for whatever reason he's getting up about 200 times a day.

scoff walker (diamonddave85), Wednesday, 13 December 2017 20:05 (one month ago) Permalink

sometimes i'll catch a glimpse of him at the fork in the road and see a flash of decision making going on in his head, and he ALWAYS chooses the path behind my desk

scoff walker (diamonddave85), Wednesday, 13 December 2017 20:07 (one month ago) Permalink

bossman in an officewide email: "today we celebrate the black women who led the charge to the polls for doug jones's victory last night in alabama"
guy i share my office with, to no one in particular: "tf we doin celebratin another corporate ass white man ascending the ladder of the blue wing of the corporatist party"
me: i'm gonna get lunch. you want anything?

BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Wednesday, 13 December 2017 20:09 (one month ago) Permalink

i had to move from a desk below a skylight to a small dark room, which i'm actually okay with, but this motherfucker now sitting a row behind me will not shut up

mookieproof, Wednesday, 13 December 2017 20:21 (one month ago) Permalink

haha same with my dude too. and on top of that, he has a weird ass voice

scoff walker (diamonddave85), Wednesday, 13 December 2017 20:44 (one month ago) Permalink

The close door button doesn't actually do anything unless you have a key. Hence why nothing happens the majority of times it's pressed

fuck you, your hat is horrible (Neanderthal), Wednesday, 13 December 2017 23:09 (one month ago) Permalink

It works in our building

badg, Wednesday, 13 December 2017 23:42 (one month ago) Permalink

Yeah this "close buttons are fake in lifts" thing is odd, cos Ive definitely been in buildings where it has worked (as in there is a marked time diff in using or not using it)

Stoop Crone (Trayce), Thursday, 14 December 2017 02:35 (one month ago) Permalink

(however, the main reason the ones here don't do anything is due to the ADA laws, so it's possible other countries don't work the same way)

fuck you, your hat is horrible (Neanderthal), Thursday, 14 December 2017 02:38 (one month ago) Permalink

How does the ADA law relate to it?

Stoop Crone (Trayce), Thursday, 14 December 2017 02:39 (one month ago) Permalink

The law requires that the elevator door must remain fully open for a specified amount of time, to allow those with disabilities extra time to get on. once that was passed in the 1990s, the buttons basically became placebos in US elevators.

fuck you, your hat is horrible (Neanderthal), Thursday, 14 December 2017 02:43 (one month ago) Permalink

ah ok makes sense

Stoop Crone (Trayce), Thursday, 14 December 2017 02:43 (one month ago) Permalink

my biggest pet peeve when I go into the office - when the elevator has room for more people but everybody has needlessly shoved forward, making the elevator look full to capacity. most people just say "I'll get the next one", except this happens in the majority of the elevators around 5 pm, so you might wait a while. when it happens to me I just get on and make the people spread out like they're supposed to.

fuck you, your hat is horrible (Neanderthal), Thursday, 14 December 2017 02:47 (one month ago) Permalink

Secret Santa today at 4:30 motherfuckers :D

harbinger of failure (Jon not Jon), Thursday, 14 December 2017 16:09 (one month ago) Permalink

Ask me about our work lotto syndicate when I'm sober

remember the lmao (darraghmac), Thursday, 14 December 2017 19:54 (one month ago) Permalink

A new coworker has proposed a game for our department office party later this week. We each write down one fact about ourselves on a yellow index card. The cards are then pulled from a hat and read aloud and the rest of us try to guess who it is.

how's life, Tuesday, 19 December 2017 23:04 (four weeks ago) Permalink

department office holiday party

how's life, Tuesday, 19 December 2017 23:05 (four weeks ago) Permalink

"I once killed a man just to watch him die"

"I own 3 kimonos"

fuck you, your hat is horrible (Neanderthal), Wednesday, 20 December 2017 04:56 (four weeks ago) Permalink

"I secretly touched all the door knobs in the office with my genitals."

attention vampire (MatthewK), Wednesday, 20 December 2017 06:08 (four weeks ago) Permalink

“i am made of bees”

Squeaky Fromage (VegemiteGrrl), Wednesday, 20 December 2017 06:11 (four weeks ago) Permalink

My shit client told an already overwhelmed colleague "I have no idea why you highlighted those rows in purple" and her asshole Waldorf stand-in muttered derisively "maybe she's color-blind".

The person who prepared the Excel...a good friend...actually is colorblind. Our leaders...said nothing.

I have never wanted to hit so many people.

fuck you, your hat is horrible (Neanderthal), Saturday, 23 December 2017 01:52 (three weeks ago) Permalink


Squeaky Fromage (VegemiteGrrl), Saturday, 23 December 2017 04:12 (three weeks ago) Permalink

I swear 90% of workplace assholery and bad undercurrents come from people making assumptions instead of politely asking questions. I idealistically think more workplace diversity will help a little because people will encounter more situations where choices they don’t understand will require people to ask and *scales fall from eyes* but some people just won’t get it

I remember switching to a new software development group and being pleasantly surprised that every application had a settings in the options for an alternate color palette, because one of the senior members of the group is color blind! And the feedback from users was great.

mh, Saturday, 23 December 2017 17:17 (three weeks ago) Permalink

Yea. The guy running our project takes it deeper by asking a presumably innocent question, then chasing it with a snarky remark dripping with judgment.

"Can you research why the rep didn't reference the enrollment materials? We had thought you would share these with the team and that you were on top of this."

So like what is my interest in replying in earnest when you've already presumed my incompetence.

All this for a project we are probably in the red on.

fuck you, your hat is horrible (Neanderthal), Saturday, 23 December 2017 17:33 (three weeks ago) Permalink

so my project has several key processes that won't be ready on our project's live date in our system (and won't be for 2.5 weeks). I have been tasked with training people on two of them this week, despite me not having confidence in how they work given that they're not available to test in QA.

I've never handled one of them before, the other is completely custom, I've had a ton of technical questions spanning several weeks that I've had to escalate just to get half answers or no answers, and then pretty much everybody who answers those questions decided to take the last few weeks off on PTO. For one of them I was told only one person knew the answers and he's been gone since 12/18.

I've kind of given up and just phoned in a C- effort today because i can't even

fuck you, your hat is horrible (Neanderthal), Thursday, 28 December 2017 23:59 (three weeks ago) Permalink

we take death reports for life insurance claim processing. we inherited about 12 cases where the person died prior to we took over as recordkeeper, so our admin team has to apply special handling to.

We're on day 9 now since we took over, and they haven't touched a single one of the 12 cases. so people keep calling back. and the main guy they're assigned to blurted out that he had no idea what he was doing yesterday.

fuck you, your hat is horrible (Neanderthal), Thursday, 11 January 2018 23:23 (one week ago) Permalink

There is a guy who works on another team at my job... we'll call him Explainer Man, for reasons which will become obvious.

Explainer Man is annoying as hell. He believes he knows the answer to everything and if he overhears or is somehow exposed to any issue, regardless of whether he is directly involved or not, Explainer Man will immediately intrude and outline his (usually crazy and wrong) theory about what is happening or the best approach to solving the problem. He has interrupted me on at least one occasion while a team member I supervise was asking me a question. The problem is that what Explainer Man is saying usually sounds convincing to someone who isn't a subject matter expert, because he is very good at bullshitting The craziness of some of his explanations even make them seem more plausible in this context.

In some ways my dealings with Explainer Man have been personally enlightening, because I feel like he is a dark mirror of what I could personally become when supervising people on my team. So I am basically trying not to be Explainer Man. The problem is, if you lay back and try not to be Explainer Man, that kind of allows more room for Explainer Man to suck all the oxygen out of the room. I'm pretty sure some of the less savvy people in our department think he is a genius.

Explainer Man is white, around 40, and something is also off about the way he interacts with younger women on his team. I can't put my finger on it, but he seems to particularly direct his explaining on them. This is relevant because...

As mentioned, in the past I just thought this guy was annoying. But recently I took over for my manager temporarily while she went out on medical leave and prior to leaving, she took me in a conference room for a private ,off-the-record conversation about... a number of problematic individuals. One of these people was Explainer Man who apparently has a history of harassment. My manager had previously been his direct supervisor and almost fired him for insubordination, except he posted out before she could build enough of a paper trail on him. He would routinely contradict her, felt she let being a manager "go to her head," and basically undermined her at every opportunity. She told her manager in our current group not to hire him under any circumstances when he interviewed. She thinks he slipped through because of the amount of people being hired and the group interview process, which is charitable of her. (Not to give too much away, but our higher level managers are largely white male former federal law enforcement officers in their 50's or older... we work in financial crimes risk management. To the extent I've personally dealt with them I get the impression that their political views border on the fascistic. I definitely wouldn't expect much sensitivity from them.).

Recently another manager went out on medical leave (basically the only other female manager) and he was FOR SOME INEXPLICABLE REASON EXCEPT YEAH THE PATRIARCHY being considered at her replacement. She again told her manager not to give this man any power, because if he was given any formal authority, he would probably find some way to abuse it. It appears this was disregarded and he's an acting team manager, causing chaos everywhere with his incompetent micromanagement. I have no idea what life must be for people on this team. Apparently he calls them in the evening to check in on their work. I'm busy with my own team and I don't really have time to look over his shoulder, and yeah it's not my job to manage him.

Anyway, this man appears destined to be my peer at the company (as mentioned we're both acting managers and I think he also posted for one of a few openings that have come up, as have I). Obviously I hate him, but I also kind of fear his ability to seemingly escape any consequences for his incompetence and abuse of the people around him. I dislike confrontation, but I'm also aware that I am the kind of person our idiot meathead bosses might actually listen to (i.e. not a woman, not a minority). Not that I have anything concrete to tell them.

I'm aware this is all kinds of fucked up, or maybe it's par for the course. I have no idea. My moral compass is probably 360 degrees of fucked after years of working at a place like this. Sorry for typing all this... this is the first time I've really fully articulated my issues with what is happening in any forum.

Old Neon, Friday, 12 January 2018 19:43 (six days ago) Permalink

So I am basically trying not to be Explainer Man.

I feel like my Explainer Man tendencies are mostly limited to ilx these days (sorry guys) but yes, this is a life epiphany many people need

mh, Friday, 12 January 2018 19:44 (six days ago) Permalink

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