Let's bitch about our stupid, annoying co-workers

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Girl I work with is chatting to a male customer in friendly fashion as she serves him. He leaves, then me and her have this conversation.

Annoying Girl: "I hope people don't get the wrong idea!"
Me: "Eh?"
AG: "About me and the guy. I hope people don't start thinking we're going out, just because I'm friendly to him when he comes in."
Me: "Eh, I don't think people will assume that."
AG: "You don't think the bosses would fire me for it? You know, for being too friendly with the customers?"
Me: "Eh, no." (Thinking: Christ Almighty!)
AG: "I'm really worried now. They wouldn't fire me for it, would they?"
Me: "I doubt it."

A few minutes pass...

AG: "I'm still really worried. They wouldn't fire me, would they?"
Me: "NO!" (Thinking: leave me alone, you neurotic freak!)

Then this crazy elderly man, a regular customer, comes in. He was in a car accident which left him, (how shall I put this?), barking mad. He thinks he's a real estate owner, and I'm one of his tenants, despite the fact that he asks me for money for tobacco every time he comes in. He proceeds to tell the annoying girl about all the houses he owns, and how I am one of his tenants etc, etc, while drooling and smelling terrible! He leaves.

AG: (genuinely) "Was that true, what he was saying?"
Me: "Oh my, no."
AG: "It could have been..."
Me: "I'm pretty sure it wasn't" (Thinking: Christ! I think I'd know if I was one of his tenants!)
AG: "Appearances can be deceptive..."
Me: "No, I'm pretty sure he's barking mad."
AG: "But-"
Me: "NO!"

It was a long day at work. I feel better now I've got it off my chest! Now it's your turn to bitch.

What makes it even more irritating is that she's a very NICE person. No harm in her at all, just really annoying and stupid. So I feel bad for bitching about her, yet I am compelled to do so!

weasel diesel (K1l14n), Thursday, 28 November 2002 22:19 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

One of the managers at the petrol station once called me outside for a smoke and to talk to me, it was a bit like the Warden Norton/Tommy scene in Shawshank Redemption.

Boss:"Ronan could you comb your hair next time you come to work"


Me:"eh in fairness the contract doesn't say anything about me having to comb my hair"

Boss:"yeah but I mean you're a student now yeah? this job isn't so bad. they look after you well, it's a good wage, I'm happy with my lot"

Me:"I don't think there's any chance of me ever working here for a living, long term"

Boss:"Yeah and they pay your health insurance, it's not too difficult a job either"

Me:"Yeah no I'm never going to want to work here, to be honest I was planning on quitting as soon as I start college, or maybe even sooner, you needn't tell the main boss that"

Boss:"Oh don't worry, whatever is discussed here stays here. *long David Brent style lecture* I know what it's like to work WITH people and AROUND people, and I know that this station is not being run as effectively as possible, it's a clique, and I'm sure you can see that too Ronan. But quitting isn't going to change that. You quitting will not make this a smoother operation.

Me:"Eh I don't care about this job, I'm not sure what your point is"

Boss:"All I'm saying is, think about what I've said to you yeah? Just think about it"

Me:"............ok"

Ronan (Ronan), Thursday, 28 November 2002 22:45 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

Is it only DCU students who work with stupid, annoying people?

DV (dirtyvicar), Thursday, 28 November 2002 23:50 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

no, its anyone who has ever worked in bars with no-neck, arrogant-for-no-reason wankers, with no brain function other than the tiny amount required to raise a beer to their filthy mouths after a shift.

donna (donna), Friday, 29 November 2002 04:26 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

Hurrah for it is the last day of the CompulsiveEatingBurpingCulotteWearingTactlessJollyCoWorker today!!! What will hopefully be my last annoying conversation with her happened first thing on Wednesday morning:

CEBCWTJCW: Morning Rachel!!! Oooh! What have you done to your NOSE??

Me: What? Oh yeah, it's a spot.

CEBCWTJCW: No! You've cut yourself or something! It's really RED.

Me: No, really, it's just a big, shiny, noticeable spot.

CEBCWTJCW: It looks really BAD!

At this point I gave up all hope of having a good day.

Archel (Archel), Friday, 29 November 2002 09:17 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

Day one at my new job.

Woman At Next Desk: Oh, you used to live in London? So did I. I moved back after my daughter started school and, to be honest, I'm really glad I did. The education you get in London is terrible.

Madchen: I've heard inner city schools are, er, challenging.

WAND: Oh yes. I mean, she was one of only three white faces in the class.

Madchen: Oh. (Mutters something under her breath about 1 in 4 Scots).

Madchen (Madchen), Friday, 29 November 2002 09:26 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

My co-worker Oh, I'm not being funny.... but could you only buy your lunch from the shop across the road from now on? When you go anywhere else it takes too long. Maybe you should bring a pack up from home.

Me (in my head): No, fuck off you food fascist. You're the one who is consistantly 15 minutes late back from lunch every day, and I know I'll spend the last hour of the day sitting around doing nothing listening to you go on and on and on so it's not like we're really busy. And God, just never speak to me again!

Me (in reality): Yeah, no problem.

Madeleine (Madeleine), Friday, 29 November 2002 10:29 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

Maddie, immediately invent an obscure food allergy that REQUIRES you to go to a different shop! Oh , and then KILL HER.

Archel (Archel), Friday, 29 November 2002 10:50 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

haha, madchen, fuck you! ;)

dwh (dwh), Friday, 29 November 2002 10:52 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

What the hell? Why, precisely, was that necessary, dwh? Christ on a bike.

Liz :x (Liz :x), Friday, 29 November 2002 10:57 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

Maddie, your co-worker is EVIL. There's only one place you should go for an off-site lunch and that's THE PUB!

robster (robster), Friday, 29 November 2002 10:58 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

Rule 2858 in a series of obscure rules:

Office twats who preface statements with 'I'm not being funny' should recognise that everything following the phrase comes with its own virtual kill file.

My other suggestion would be to canvass other coworkers for a pizza delivery one Friday and exclude her blatantly.

suzy (suzy), Friday, 29 November 2002 11:10 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

I want to invent a food allergy but then I'd be like her! She's allergic to garlic, alcohol, traffic fumes, manmade fibres, "still air" (this means we have the fan on in the winter so the air circulates and her eyes don't "gum up"), some other stuff that I forgot and, of course, EVER DOING ANY WORK. She is allergic to getting off her arse, I fear.

And the "I'm not being funny/I'm not having a go/I don't want you to take this the wrong way...." rule. I reckon if you have to start a sentence with any of these statements, you shouldn't be saying the sentence at all!

Madeleine (Madeleine), Friday, 29 November 2002 11:30 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

Oh, and I can't canvass others to share food. There's only me and her in the whole shop. And when it's quiet she talks to me like we're friends but we're not. It's all very unfortunate.

Madeleine (Madeleine), Friday, 29 November 2002 11:32 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

Haha 'still air'????

Archel (Archel), Friday, 29 November 2002 11:37 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

This stupid stupid woman sent every single person here an email saying that she left 60 centimes in the coffee machine and asking for whoever finds it to bring it to her office. What a scrooge!

Miss Laura, Friday, 29 November 2002 11:58 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

it wasn't sincere, liz, it was just a grumble about the allegation that 1/4 of scots are racist, y'know. the 'haha' was meant to temper it, sorry.

dwh (dwh), Friday, 29 November 2002 12:39 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

Allegation? My personal experience is this:

I work in a room with two people. Person 1 said to me all the stuff I wrote above. She thought nothing of saying it to a stranger (the assumption, I guess, being that I would think the same). Person 2 laughed along merrily. Also, I have come across numerous people in Glasgow who tell me they get scared in London because there are so many black people around. Again, the way they express themselves implies they feel no sense of shame whatsoever - they just don't see there's anything wrong in expressing obviously prejudiced opinions.

I'm not denying for a second that racism doesn't exist elsewhere (and I'm not forgetting that the survey found 3 in 4 Scots aren't racist) but this is the only place I've encountered bigots who have the expectation that my opinion must be the same as theirs.

Madchen (Madchen), Friday, 29 November 2002 13:17 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

Try the deli counter at S**n**ury's. I get so many customers who expect me to agree with their racist opinions simply because I am white. Twats.

alix (alix), Friday, 29 November 2002 17:42 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

e-mail from my boss: "when I came in on Monday, the Threepenny Opera files were not online. I expect that when I assign a task that it will be completed. Don't let this happen in the future."

reply from me: "actually, on Friday we both determined that we had the wrong CD and would have to special order a new copy. On Monday."

reply from my boss: "There must have been some miscommunication here."

yeah, between your ears and your brain. moron!

Dave M. (rotten03), Friday, 29 November 2002 17:56 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

Suzy, you aren't generalising wildly enough: yes, anyone who says "I'm not being funny, but" is best punched, hard and often, but this applies to most other sentences on the "I'm not being [X], but" model. X=racist obviously means "I am a loathsome racist", most obviously and clearly. Try 'sexist' or 'nasty' too.

Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Friday, 29 November 2002 19:18 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

Happily I've been blessed with a slew of great co-workers. I will say that some years back the news that someone was departing from our neck of the woods to go elsewhere was greeted with quiet relief, though.

Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 29 November 2002 19:30 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

Maddy, if she's your boss and only other co-worker then it sounds like she needs you more than you need her. POINTEDLY go to other shops to get your lunch. I say ignore the instruction.

suzy (suzy), Friday, 29 November 2002 22:55 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

Annoying Coworker: Yes, well, that account would be able to fund your entity if you hadn't taken money from it without telling me.
Me: What?
Annoying Coworker: (holds up wire) See? $147,000 from my account.
Me: No, we gave you money.
Annoying Coworker WHO GETS PAID LOTS MORE THAN ME: NO YOU DID NOT. I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't write wires without telling me in the future.
Me: Did you look at this? You account is on the credit side. Management (nb: my account) is on the debit side!
Annoying Coworker: Whatever, just don't do it again.

What the fuck?

Ally (mlescaut), Saturday, 30 November 2002 06:50 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

one month passes...
We've got two new people here this year - one of whom is very cool and I hardly see, so we get along really well. The other one, though - a nightmare. She's the epitome of simpering little girl-ness, speaks to me (and most everyone else) as though I'm a retarded child when in fact I've been doing the job that she's just begun (and is completely incompetent at, I might add) for 12 years. She's one of those people who has never met anyone as fascinating as herself in all of her born days and if she doesn't calm down, stop being a stupid bitch and stop second guessing every word I say to her, I will hit her in the head with a brick.

luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 14 January 2003 19:26 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

The receptionist keeps telling everyone she's going through post partum depression.

Despite the fact that she's obviously still pregnant.

Ally (mlescaut), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 02:47 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

My head hurts.

Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 02:49 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

How about the dumbass cockfarmer that came into the library coughing and sneezing in such an ostentatious way it's like he intentionally planned a big Outbreak scenario? Now I'm at home running a fever and I think I might have bronchitis again.

Nicole (Nicole), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 02:49 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

Hm. Find him and kill him.

Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 02:51 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

I was depressed about being unemployed until I saw this thread. Thank you everyone. :)

fractal (fractal), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 03:06 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

I was also informed that I wasn't authorized to approve payment on technological items.

However, I AM authorized to purchase them, however I want, whenever I want.

What does that even mean?

Ally (mlescaut), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 03:13 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

It means you got the kingdom, you got the key. Order yourself everything you ever wanted and don't share.

Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 03:16 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

people should post more on this thread. i like it.

Maria (Maria), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 04:23 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

What follows is an email that was sent to some friends last spring, after a particularly bad morning with co-workers.

SUBJECT LINE: I gotta get outta this place
...if it's the last thing I ever do (feel free to hum along.)

After a delightful morning spent discussing why someone:
1. Shouldn't open a printer paperfeed drawer, while the printer is printing;
2. Shouldn't send emails to everyone on their mailing lists about Church-related emails;
3. Should let others know when they need the printer instead of deleting documents in the queue;
4. Shouldn't tell someone "this is urgent" so they work really late to get it finished, when really, it isn't urgent at all and in fact, doesn't need to be done at all; and
5. Shouldn't take someone else's lunch from the refrigerator and leave it on the counter to make room for "extra drinks in case we have visitors,"
I have now experienced the conversation to top them all (and really, you have to laugh at this one. I did. Once I calmed down, imbibed chocolate and nicotine, and thought "well, at least it's not quantum physics?). So....here it is:

A Dialogue between "M" (yours truly) and "S" (Otherwise known as Scarett/Princess/Arch Nemesis/The Scarf Lady/etc.)
S: Hey "M"!
M: Yes?
S: You know how to work that digital camera yet?
M: Yeah, figured it out last week.
S: How long does it take to get those photos developed?
M: What?
S: I need some photos really fast, so I can photocopy them and make notes on the back. And get duplicates too, in case they get messed-up.
M: What? What pictures do you need taken?
S: I need to you take pictures of my computer.
M: Why?
S: I need to know what's on my computer.
M: (sigh) You are looking for a file?
S: No, I need to know what is on my screen thing.
M: (dawning awareness) You need screen captures?
S: No, I need pictures of my computer.
M: For....?
S: I need to know what's on my screen, 'cause these instructions don't make sense and I want to make notes.
M: Okay, then you need a picture of the information on your screen, that you can print and add notes to?
S: Yes.
M: Okay, we don't need the camera for that. We can just do screen captures. It's easy.
(M walks over to other office, taking deep and soothing breathes all the while, and explains how to "CTRL+ALT+PrtScn" - runs into trouble with explanation of holding down all keys at the same time. Eventually resolved and screen is captured.)
M: Now open Word and set the page to ?Landscape.?
S: My computer won't do that.
M: What? Yes it will.
(M goes through brief discussion of "portrait" vs "landscape" and how to perform operation in Word. Discovers part of problem is that S doesn?t know how to open Word because the icon isn?t on her desktop.)
M: Now just hit "Shift+Insert" and your screen shot will be inserted.
M: No, you need to hold down both keys at the same time.
M: I don't know, that's just the way the program is designed.
M: Yeah, it is find of frustrating.
M: Okay, now you have it. Just insert a new page for each of the next screen captures and then print the file.
(M returns to own desk and gets back into rhythm of formatting proposal.)
S: M! It isn't working. I want you to take the pictures for me.
M: I don't have time to take the pictures right now, I have to get this back to _____.
S: Well, I don't have the time to use the camera, so I guess this won't get done and _____ will be mad.
M: Yeah, I guess ___ will be mad, but I'll explain the problem to him.
S: Can't you do these thingys for me?
M: No, not right now. I have to get this done.
S: You know, it's your job to do this.
M: No, actually it isn't. I am sorry, but I really can't do it right now. If I have time later I'll come over and see what we can do. In the meantime, why don't you look under the "Help" menu to see if those instructions are better.
S: Oh, my computer doesn't have any "Help" on it. I keep telling ____ he needs to fix it, but he won't.

(M decides, for sake of sanity, to not try and figure out what that last comment means and returns to her editing, swearing all the while.)
End of original email.

And here are additional interesting tidbits about ?S?:
She claimed on her resume to be ?Microsoft Certified,? but was unable to explain what that meant;
She wrote all of her correspondence in Excel, because she didn?t know how to open Word (the icon wasn?t on her desktop);
When she came into work each morning, she made herself a pot of tea and sat in her cubicle reading household decorating magazines and drinking tea for the first two hours: and, best of all
She was once asked to provide a file that she had finished working on to another co-worker. The file was not on her hard drive for, as she explained, she ?didn?t want to fill it up with things? (and it was a 20 G HD!) File was eventually determined, by her, to be on a floppy. But floppy was blank when co-worker opened it. Eventually ?S? showed supervisor where she stored all of her floppys containing important info. She was attaching them to the metal parts of her cubicle with large magnets, so she ?could always find them.?

~ Laura (who is thankful that she can claim to be a happy rat, that abandoned the sinking ship in time to move to a much cushier and affluent ship, and is now ridiculously happy with things)

LCD (Ms Laura), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 05:13 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

She was once asked to provide a file that she had finished working on to another co-worker. The file was not on her hard drive for, as she explained, she "didn't want to fill it up with things" (and it was a 20 G HD!)

I've met a few people who have done basic "computer literacy" courses at colleges and Adult Ed. places who do this. What seems to happen is: the college says "don't store your files on the hard drive [of our lab computers], use a floppy" and the person absorbs this without understanding *why* they're being told it.

These sort of courses always seem to produce people who can't do anything except exactly what was on the course, and then only if their computer is set up exactly like the college ones were. Hence, not being able to start Word if it doesn't have a desktop icon.

(of course, the other stuff shows that this person seems to be a fuckwit regardless of that)

caitlin (caitlin), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 10:49 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

Laura, that's fantastic.

The ex-receptionist at my office once printed out an email so she could type it up in Word.

Alfie (Alfie), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 11:02 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

is that why she's an ex-receptionist?

MarkH (MarkH), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 11:30 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

awwwwww, usually this stuff would make me mad, but today i want to find them all and help them and give them tea.

it's a sappy day.

g-kit (g-kit), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 11:42 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

Heh, you'd think so wouldn't you. In actual fact, it wasn't until she went on holiday for 6 weeks and nobody noticed her absence that it became the MD realised that we could do without her.

Alfie (Alfie), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 11:48 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

sounds familiar - we had a Communications Executive who never did any communicating.

MarkH (MarkH), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 11:54 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

We also had an account executive who used to wander around the office to kill time. He had this time-consuming trick of getting up from his desk and finding a bin in another part of the building to throw his litter into (rather than the bin under his desk). Another trick was to go down to the fax machine to send a fax, return to his desk, wait a couple of minutes and then return to the fax machine to collect the piece of paper.

Alfie (Alfie), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 12:00 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

One of my new colleagues is, to all intents and purposes, Jade. I quote:

1. "What does agriculture mean?"

2. "I was so annoyed. Someone threw themselves under my tube yesterday. People that do that must be mad."

3. Me: "Just tell them to put the web address in and it will take them straight into the site."

Her: "What address? Their address?"

Matt DC (Matt DC), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 12:06 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

I can't decide whether to post this to the annoying colleague or the B.O. thread, so I'm going to post it to both! Anyhow, in one office where I worked we had a guy with a B.O. problem and the managers had to have words with him in private on a couple of occasions. And yes, on those rare occasions when my sinuses were clear (one day in seventeen approx) it was quite annoying and offensive to me. However, it was NOT NEARLY AS ANNOYING AND OFFENSIVE as the colleague who used to go on and on about it all the bloody time whenever the guy with the problem walked out of the room! Not only that, but as soon as he left she used to reach for the can of air freshener which she kept on her desk *specially* and spray about a litre of it about the place! So instead of an office smelling of sweat we had an office reeking of air freshener!

MarkH (MarkH), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 13:58 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

Mailroom guy who looks like a troglodyte - "I wanted 'digical'[pronounced thus] TV cuz I don't have enough channels! They were supposed to install it on Friday but they didn't - the whole weekend I had nuthin' to do! I was really looking forward to it too!"

dave q, Wednesday, 15 January 2003 14:21 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

i don't want to help any of those people, though. far too annoying. the previous lot were quite sweet.

g-kit (g-kit), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 14:45 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

I pretty much get along with my immediate co-workers, and none of them are so annoying that I can't tune them out. However, I once shared an office with a foot fetishist. No kidding; he was friggin' profiled in the Village Voice about it, and was completely calm and collected when I mentioned "so I saw the Voice today..."! I guess we all have our private interests, but we don't all alert the press about it!

Other things he did: worked at his cube standing up (making everyone around him very tense), unbuttoned his shirts halfway down his chest, commented on every phone conversation I had (work related or not), talked to himself, and played horrible CD-Rs of cabaret tunes he wrote and produced. I think the whole experience inoculated me against ever being annoyed by co-workers again.

mike a (mike a), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 16:14 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

Okay, here's another example from today. We had a sales rep come in to demo a software package/online service that provides journal content. Anyhoo, I did a sample search, and one of the citations that got brought up was from an Ethiopian journal. She said (in all seriousness): "Wow! I didn't think that Ethiopians even had any paper, let alone journals!"

Unfortunately something this stupid is uttered in my office at least once a day...

Nicole (Nicole), Thursday, 16 January 2003 03:26 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

The amount of coworkers you've killed in your head must make quite the body count.

Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 16 January 2003 03:54 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

You have no idea. Entire populations have been erased.

Nicole (Nicole), Thursday, 16 January 2003 03:56 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

"As the final screams echoed away into caverns of oblivion, Nicole turned off her death rays and rubbed her chin thoughtfully. 'Should I have used so much napalm?'"

Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 16 January 2003 03:57 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

sending email with "high importance" maybe to you buddy, but guess again

Neil S, Wednesday, 8 August 2018 11:27 (two months ago) Permalink

Subject line: RUUUUUUSH!!! OH MY GOD THIS IS SUCH A CRUCIAL RUSH I CANNOT EVEN TELL YOU!!!!!!!!!
Email body: Need by 12/15!

One of my favorites, lemme tell you.

Caddyshack III: Back to the Shack! (Old Lunch), Wednesday, 8 August 2018 12:06 (two months ago) Permalink

Teamleader: please process this ticket asap@!@
Me: hey this is asking us to completely terminate all this customer's services for non payment. Aren't we supposed to warn them and suspend them first?
TL: ...it says terminate in this ticket
Me: I know, but if we do that, we cannot easily UNdo it. You sure?
TL: Just do it ok its urgent

**2 hours later wibbly wobbly effect**
Customer: OMG WTF HAVE U DONE WHY ARE ALL OUR PHONE LINES DOWN
**1 hour later again wibbly wobbly effect**
Sales: OMG U IDIOTS TURN THESE ALL BACK ON NOW WHY DID YOU TERMINATE THEM
Me: BECAUSE YOU TOLD US TO YOU &^^%$%^$
Sales: THEY MUST COME BACK ON NAO
Me: IT ISNT THAT EASY THATS WHY I ASKED ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO DO THIS

24 hours later theyre still bitching at us.

BTW customer: maybe try paying your fucking $20k overdue bill too, then this shit wont happen.

Stoop Crone (Trayce), Tuesday, 21 August 2018 03:14 (two months ago) Permalink

It's a beautiful gift to render something that fucking annoying in such hilarious prose Trayce

an incoherent crustacean (MatthewK), Tuesday, 21 August 2018 03:52 (two months ago) Permalink

Haha thank yew :) I mean you have to laugh, or etc.

Stoop Crone (Trayce), Tuesday, 21 August 2018 05:55 (two months ago) Permalink


Apparently a coworker has left a brassiere on the bookshelf in my office. I don't know what to do about this at all.

― how's life, Friday, November 18, 2016 7:51 AM (one year ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

She left the company last week and in preparing her workspace for our newest colleague, we discovered several in her desk.

incarcerated moonfaces (how's life), Wednesday, 22 August 2018 17:09 (two months ago) Permalink

please follow her to her new place of employment and get a job there, to provide updates

16, 35, DCP, Go! (sic), Wednesday, 22 August 2018 17:30 (two months ago) Permalink

4 years after we adopted Lync/Skype, still having to explain to vets that you aren't supposed to dial into the same Skype meeting by phone AND Skype Call.

"Why is it echoing?"

-_-

fuck the NRA (Neanderthal), Thursday, 23 August 2018 00:17 (one month ago) Permalink

I love my new job a lot but I miss this thread and I have a fun one today
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We have training going on in a remote, partner location (meaning my company doesn't own the building - it's a typical co-employment scenario). So all equipment is furnished by them, the software used by us.

Training rooms are at a premium in this location, so most training is done on the call center floor, so it's a weird hybrid of virtual/live where all learners are dialed into the conference number/virtual client, so that the facilitator doesn't have to scream, to shut out floor noise, and ensure everybody can hear.

So today training begins for 22 people and..there are no headsets for any of them, despite the person in charge confirming there would be.

TWo hours later, we have 5 headsets, and nobody confirming with me what is going on.

You're a call center. How the hell do you not have headsets?

fuck the NRA (Neanderthal), Wednesday, 29 August 2018 16:24 (one month ago) Permalink

less about coworkers and more the air quality here - anyone experience working in a dusty, sniffle-inducing environment. is that something that can be addressed via HR

Ross, Thursday, 30 August 2018 01:18 (one month ago) Permalink

most people have asthma here

Ross, Thursday, 30 August 2018 01:18 (one month ago) Permalink

so my day job is in publishing. if you are familiar at all with groverhaus then this week I am working on something that can only be described as a groverbook, content from like 10 other books grovered together and formatted in 20 different ways, and my job is to standardize all of this as much as possible.

it's also a pretty big book, so it was split in half with a coworker. who turned out to be making the exact opposite formatting changes I did

aloha darkness my old friend (katherine), Thursday, 30 August 2018 17:13 (one month ago) Permalink

'Hi, so since I have my own job which is a different job than the job that you hold, I naturally don't understand the intricacies of your job, but I decided that I should demonstrate my ignorance by, for no particular reason, attempting and wildly failing to do your job for you. Could you please let me know if my unsolicited dipshittery in any way interferes with you doing your job? And if it's not too much trouble, can you also spend half of your day explaining to me all of the aspects of this task that I find confusing but which I never would have even had to think about in the first place if I'd just let you do your job instead of having a traumatic brain event on company time?'

Just eat a hamburger, it'll hit the spot. (Old Lunch), Thursday, 30 August 2018 17:22 (one month ago) Permalink

I retract my last post, the book (well, series) I am working on today is a) even more grover-assed, b) I'm supposed to be checking that the changes requested were made, and they are largely not made, and c) a large part of the book is about counting, and those changes requested included typo fixes, so there is a sense of looming dread

aloha darkness my old friend (katherine), Friday, 31 August 2018 19:44 (one month ago) Permalink

german word for "the state of realizing, slowly, that the possibility is not zero that somewhere in this book for children is the word 'cunt'"

aloha darkness my old friend (katherine), Friday, 31 August 2018 19:46 (one month ago) Permalink

From a HR email re some surveys:
- Sharing customer verbatims across the organisation

Customer... verbatims THAT WORD IS NOT USED THAT WAY.

CUSTOMER COMMENTS. SAY COMMENTS. (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻

Stoop Crone (Trayce), Wednesday, 5 September 2018 04:41 (one month ago) Permalink

Lol my company calls them that too

fuck the NRA (Neanderthal), Wednesday, 5 September 2018 11:47 (one month ago) Permalink

someone bragging about his air b and b profits - do we have a thread on air b and b?

Rabbit Control (Latham Green), Wednesday, 5 September 2018 13:25 (one month ago) Permalink

this isn't necessarily her fault, but the coworker who sits directly opposite me over the partition sounds exactly like sarah huckabee sanders, and it is constantly distracting

aloha darkness my old friend (katherine), Wednesday, 5 September 2018 15:46 (one month ago) Permalink

uncovered a conspiracy you have

Rabbit Control (Latham Green), Wednesday, 5 September 2018 16:16 (one month ago) Permalink

One of my facilitators here sounds like Bob Zmuda

fuck the NRA (Neanderthal), Wednesday, 5 September 2018 16:29 (one month ago) Permalink

two weeks pass...

He isn't stupid or annoying but a guy a couple of desks away in one of the offices I'm working in at the moment sounds just like Ralph Ineson (and looks not unlike him either).

I'm now in a weird position where I kind of want so done to slag him off a bit just so I can say "He's thrown a kettle over a pub, what have you done?"

Bimlo Horsewagon became Wheelbarrow Horseflesh (aldo), Thursday, 20 September 2018 21:30 (one month ago) Permalink

Today one of my stateside trainers sent an official email to one of the PHI supervisors and spelled it "Phillipians" in the email

fuck the NRA (Neanderthal), Friday, 21 September 2018 00:10 (one month ago) Permalink

I feel like "I know it's *not ideal*" has because the new "it is what it is" in officespeak. because it's the same bullshit our idiot executives trot out anytime they ratfuck us

fuck the NRA (Neanderthal), Thursday, 27 September 2018 01:47 (three weeks ago) Permalink

it's this stupid fucking accountability vacuum that insinuates nobody's at fault, this is just how the stars aligned, mannnnnnnnnnnnn.

like for instance, when these idiot execs decide we need to hire a shit-ton of new hires smack in the middle of our busiest season without bothering to forecast whether we had resources who were available to train the individuals. Or booked a training room that had 5 desks too few when other larger capacity rooms were available. or sent two more people than you told us you would the night before when we told you we didn't have room for any extra people. or didn't give us a roster until class had already started when we had asked repeatedly for one and YOU FUCKING HAD IT AVAILABLE.

like, "it's not ideal" is something you say when, like, a hurricane closes your building for a week, so you have to merge two training classes together the next week. not like, shit you fuck up and then pretend it was just unavoidable because "it's always like this" and refuse to do anything about it to make it better in the future.

next person says that to me is getting pissed on!

fuck the NRA (Neanderthal), Thursday, 27 September 2018 01:53 (three weeks ago) Permalink

i just would like to ban everyone from asking me questions while witholding that they know at least some of the answer

fuckin tired of being shamed by “oh really? i thought it was x” or some variation thereof that makes me feel like my time was completely wasted

I HAVE BARELY BEEN IN THIS DUMB JOB FOR 6 MONTHS give me a fkn break

Squeaky Fromage (VegemiteGrrl), Thursday, 27 September 2018 03:00 (three weeks ago) Permalink

It's the antithesis of this thread but the Finchy-a-like I mentioned a couple of posts up was being held up by someone else who was due in a meeting but kept getting distracted and delayed.

Not Finchy geed him up by saying "Come on Rick, I'm not a prize."

Bimlo Horsewagon became Wheelbarrow Horseflesh (aldo), Thursday, 27 September 2018 07:37 (three weeks ago) Permalink

someone keeps turning it to Fox News in the pantry. It's NYC, in a corporate office. Someone is asking for it.

Yerac, Thursday, 27 September 2018 11:31 (three weeks ago) Permalink

Find the remote, child lock Fox.

suzy, Thursday, 27 September 2018 12:38 (three weeks ago) Permalink

Have been trying to do this on the DL, this morning. It is difficult to find the right menu!

Yerac, Thursday, 27 September 2018 14:09 (three weeks ago) Permalink

think the honeymoon w/ my new job is ending. it's still way better than what I was doing, but it's the same stupid company so y'know...

so they wanted us to make a detailed list of our desired PTO for the remainder of the year by last week. I have 12 days accumulated because due to my years of service, I accrue about 2 days a month, and our boss originally told us between 7/1 - 9/30, we needed special permission to take more than two days off in a row due to a project we were on. Or, I was teaching back to back 5-day training classes. So suffice it to say, I couldn't really put a dent in it as taking 2 days a month makes me break even. And the days do not roll over.

Well, I look out on our team calendar, and they've basically already scheduled me to train 65% of the rest of the year, so I basically threw my PTO around all of the holidays, but they apparently won't tell us what's approved until like...next week.

However, my boss didn't seem to mind volunteering me for a class in two weeks that requires me to drive into the office. I'm Virtual, so this is generally supposed to be cleared with me in advance - and it just so happens to be the days we booked a hotel to celebrate my mother's 65th birthday. I had originally planned to work from the hotel since these were designated non-training days, so I could spend time with her.

I worked out a compromise with the other trainer so I can lead it from the hotel, but she sounded actually surprised that I was mad about this. Saying she didn't contact me cos it was my day off last Friday and she didn't wanna disturb me.

Well, I woulda preferred getting a call on my day off so I could tell you "no, I'm not ok with that on the 15th and 16th", then coming back and seeing you made the fucking decision for me.

Goooood.

fuck the NRA (Neanderthal), Tuesday, 2 October 2018 15:21 (two weeks ago) Permalink

like it's kind of annoying how we have to plan 3 months in advance for our PTO, but they get to change our assignments with next to no notice or consultation

fuck the NRA (Neanderthal), Tuesday, 2 October 2018 15:23 (two weeks ago) Permalink

oh boy - so even though nothing other than one virtual training class is scheduled between 12/3 - 12/23, I decided to be proactive and tell them I can't travel between 12/3 - 12/23, because I am doing a theatrical production, among other obligations (ie concert tickets) and it sounds like things are starting to get ridiculous.

she tells me she'll 'do her best to accommodate, but the calendar might change'.

so...how the hell am I supposed to have a life outside of work if I can't plan things two months out because you're going to arbitrarily tell me that might not work?

I am not ok with this and told my boss so.

humorously, one of our values is "People Matter". I guess just not "all" people.

fuck the NRA (Neanderthal), Tuesday, 2 October 2018 16:12 (two weeks ago) Permalink

Neanderthal, that's the worst. When I was an assistant store manager, my immediate supervisor (the store manager) was horrible about creating schedules and doing one of two things: 1) Granting people their requested days off before the schedule was posted and then, upon writing the schedule where those days fell, scheduling the employee anyway and / 2) Just pretending they never got the day off requests to begin with. Sometimes, they wouldn't post the next week's schedule until the day before the new week started. The company has a policy that all days off must be requested at least three weeks in advance. The problems that resulted from this should be pretty apparent. It was extremely shitty. I was in management, so I had to be there all the damn time anyway, so it didn't bother me. I had a way better rapport with the staff than the store manager, so inevitably they all started to come to me with their discrepancies. I told them all that there wasn't really anything I could do with my authority, so I told everyone to just go to HR and tell them that the schedule isn't being posted within the legal timeframe of fourteen days. I don't know how many people actually did that, but about a week later, the district manager was in the store asking me if I had ever been allowed to write the schedule (of course, I hadn't). It eventually got cleared up, but there was a time for about three or four months when it was just completely fucked up. The schedule would be posted, but there would have been so many mistakes made when it was written that it was a running joke for a while that the schedule was simply a list of people who worked for us and nothing else.

Also, Veg:


i just would like to ban everyone from asking me questions while witholding that they know at least some of the answer

I would like to propose that this is the action of a malicious person who has bad intentions. No exceptions. For someone like me that struggles with a lot of anxiety and paranoia anyway, this is just gross manipulation and I would interpret it as a sign that the questioner has an active vendetta against me, whether founded in substance or not.

Totally different head. Totally. (Austin), Tuesday, 2 October 2018 17:03 (two weeks ago) Permalink

I despised that too. over time I started to get good at reading when people were doing this and deliberately sabotage them, i.e. "my understanding is this is the answer, however I suspect you've spent more time on this than me, so if you believe that's incorrect, please let me know and show me wehre it says taht".

fuck the NRA (Neanderthal), Tuesday, 2 October 2018 17:22 (two weeks ago) Permalink

I will admit to occasionally doing this when I think a coworker or my kid is lying to me.

Mad Piratical (The Cursed Return of the Dastardly Thermo Thinwall), Tuesday, 2 October 2018 23:09 (two weeks ago) Permalink

what kind of person registers on the company-wide message board (potentially hundreds if not thousands of people) using only his (common) first name? good-luck jonathan.

(that said, i used my slightly cryptic company-assigned userid - surname, first initial, 2 digits, so i'm probably as bad, for the opposite reason.)

koogs, Wednesday, 3 October 2018 08:36 (two weeks ago) Permalink

Email exchange:

Me: <asks question>

2 days later, response:

Idiot: How are you progressing? Any questions, let me know

Me: Yes, the same question I asked before you fucking moron

Colonel Poo, Wednesday, 3 October 2018 15:56 (two weeks ago) Permalink

Haha I am frequently Idiot.

Eyeball Kicks, Wednesday, 3 October 2018 16:04 (two weeks ago) Permalink

what kind of person registers on the company-wide message board (potentially hundreds if not thousands of people) using only his (common) first name? good-luck jonathan.


A person who needs no further introduction?

breastcrawl, Wednesday, 3 October 2018 16:05 (two weeks ago) Permalink

one of my co-workers is an Upstate Limo Crash Truther

mookieproof, Tuesday, 9 October 2018 18:43 (one week ago) Permalink

Do I want to know? (I do)

Mad Piratical (The Cursed Return of the Dastardly Thermo Thinwall), Tuesday, 9 October 2018 18:53 (one week ago) Permalink

i put my headphones on, so i didn't actually hear the theory

mookieproof, Tuesday, 9 October 2018 18:59 (one week ago) Permalink

I read in the local paper that the limo company driver was an FBI informant for the Newburgh 4 case so I'm assuming the conspiracy theory has something to do with that.

tokyo rosemary, Tuesday, 9 October 2018 19:33 (one week ago) Permalink

"I'll tell you what's the funniest thing ever, right? EVER. There's never been ANYTHING funnier."

me: don't say del boy falling through the bar don't say del boy falling through the bar don't say del boy falling through the bar don't say del boy falling through the bar

"Del Boy falling through the bar. It's only just ahead of”

me: don't say chandelier don't say chandelier don't say chandelier don't say chandelier

"that one where they're emptying the house and he knocks the chandelier out of the ceiling BUT IT'S THE WRONG ONE!"

Bimlo Horsewagon became Wheelbarrow Horseflesh (aldo), Friday, 12 October 2018 12:39 (one week ago) Permalink

I would only be thinking of Stewart Lee in such an exchange.

https://vimeo.com/141220204

brain (krakow), Friday, 12 October 2018 22:07 (one week ago) Permalink

The solution to every problem in this thread: Get your boss to buy you a fancy pair of Panasonic horse blinders!

https://static.dezeen.com/uploads/2018/10/panasonic-blinkers-technology-design_dezeen_2364_hero-1.jpg

grawlix (unperson), Wednesday, 17 October 2018 13:38 (five days ago) Permalink

Friday's one was like a stand-up routine and it's taken until now for me not to be mad about it.

One chap lecturing another about how Hitler was just a misunderstood chap, and did so in the form of a number of 'and I was the teacher's statements that were e.g. "and who had a policy of reducing the price of food for working families? Hitler. You wouldn't have guessed that, eh?" although he let down his perceived logic by ending with "and of course he hated Eastern Europeans and Jews".

The reason you don't know all his good points is because Thatcher covered it all up so you wouldn't find out he was a good guy.

The Valleys are fkn weird (in addition to being massively racist - the second week I was here there was a discussion about the Solihull murders as the guy was being sentenced and one of the women in the office said it was "kind of sad, but it's not as if they were real people, is it.").

Bimlo Horsewagon became Wheelbarrow Horseflesh (aldo), Wednesday, 17 October 2018 14:13 (five days ago) Permalink

This isn't even the racist part of Wales, you have to go to Oswestry and all points north for the places the people here would describe as racist.

Bimlo Horsewagon became Wheelbarrow Horseflesh (aldo), Wednesday, 17 October 2018 14:16 (five days ago) Permalink


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