Let's bitch about our stupid, annoying co-workers

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Girl I work with is chatting to a male customer in friendly fashion as she serves him. He leaves, then me and her have this conversation.

Annoying Girl: "I hope people don't get the wrong idea!"
Me: "Eh?"
AG: "About me and the guy. I hope people don't start thinking we're going out, just because I'm friendly to him when he comes in."
Me: "Eh, I don't think people will assume that."
AG: "You don't think the bosses would fire me for it? You know, for being too friendly with the customers?"
Me: "Eh, no." (Thinking: Christ Almighty!)
AG: "I'm really worried now. They wouldn't fire me for it, would they?"
Me: "I doubt it."

A few minutes pass...

AG: "I'm still really worried. They wouldn't fire me, would they?"
Me: "NO!" (Thinking: leave me alone, you neurotic freak!)

Then this crazy elderly man, a regular customer, comes in. He was in a car accident which left him, (how shall I put this?), barking mad. He thinks he's a real estate owner, and I'm one of his tenants, despite the fact that he asks me for money for tobacco every time he comes in. He proceeds to tell the annoying girl about all the houses he owns, and how I am one of his tenants etc, etc, while drooling and smelling terrible! He leaves.

AG: (genuinely) "Was that true, what he was saying?"
Me: "Oh my, no."
AG: "It could have been..."
Me: "I'm pretty sure it wasn't" (Thinking: Christ! I think I'd know if I was one of his tenants!)
AG: "Appearances can be deceptive..."
Me: "No, I'm pretty sure he's barking mad."
AG: "But-"
Me: "NO!"

It was a long day at work. I feel better now I've got it off my chest! Now it's your turn to bitch.

What makes it even more irritating is that she's a very NICE person. No harm in her at all, just really annoying and stupid. So I feel bad for bitching about her, yet I am compelled to do so!

weasel diesel (K1l14n), Thursday, 28 November 2002 22:19 (twenty-one years ago) link

One of the managers at the petrol station once called me outside for a smoke and to talk to me, it was a bit like the Warden Norton/Tommy scene in Shawshank Redemption.

Boss:"Ronan could you comb your hair next time you come to work"

Me:"eh in fairness the contract doesn't say anything about me having to comb my hair"

Boss:"yeah but I mean you're a student now yeah? this job isn't so bad. they look after you well, it's a good wage, I'm happy with my lot"

Me:"I don't think there's any chance of me ever working here for a living, long term"

Boss:"Yeah and they pay your health insurance, it's not too difficult a job either"

Me:"Yeah no I'm never going to want to work here, to be honest I was planning on quitting as soon as I start college, or maybe even sooner, you needn't tell the main boss that"

Boss:"Oh don't worry, whatever is discussed here stays here. *long David Brent style lecture* I know what it's like to work WITH people and AROUND people, and I know that this station is not being run as effectively as possible, it's a clique, and I'm sure you can see that too Ronan. But quitting isn't going to change that. You quitting will not make this a smoother operation.

Me:"Eh I don't care about this job, I'm not sure what your point is"

Boss:"All I'm saying is, think about what I've said to you yeah? Just think about it"


Ronan (Ronan), Thursday, 28 November 2002 22:45 (twenty-one years ago) link

Is it only DCU students who work with stupid, annoying people?

DV (dirtyvicar), Thursday, 28 November 2002 23:50 (twenty-one years ago) link

no, its anyone who has ever worked in bars with no-neck, arrogant-for-no-reason wankers, with no brain function other than the tiny amount required to raise a beer to their filthy mouths after a shift.

donna (donna), Friday, 29 November 2002 04:26 (twenty-one years ago) link

Hurrah for it is the last day of the CompulsiveEatingBurpingCulotteWearingTactlessJollyCoWorker today!!! What will hopefully be my last annoying conversation with her happened first thing on Wednesday morning:

CEBCWTJCW: Morning Rachel!!! Oooh! What have you done to your NOSE??

Me: What? Oh yeah, it's a spot.

CEBCWTJCW: No! You've cut yourself or something! It's really RED.

Me: No, really, it's just a big, shiny, noticeable spot.

CEBCWTJCW: It looks really BAD!

At this point I gave up all hope of having a good day.

Archel (Archel), Friday, 29 November 2002 09:17 (twenty-one years ago) link

Day one at my new job.

Woman At Next Desk: Oh, you used to live in London? So did I. I moved back after my daughter started school and, to be honest, I'm really glad I did. The education you get in London is terrible.

Madchen: I've heard inner city schools are, er, challenging.

WAND: Oh yes. I mean, she was one of only three white faces in the class.

Madchen: Oh. (Mutters something under her breath about 1 in 4 Scots).

Madchen (Madchen), Friday, 29 November 2002 09:26 (twenty-one years ago) link

My co-worker Oh, I'm not being funny.... but could you only buy your lunch from the shop across the road from now on? When you go anywhere else it takes too long. Maybe you should bring a pack up from home.

Me (in my head): No, fuck off you food fascist. You're the one who is consistantly 15 minutes late back from lunch every day, and I know I'll spend the last hour of the day sitting around doing nothing listening to you go on and on and on so it's not like we're really busy. And God, just never speak to me again!

Me (in reality): Yeah, no problem.

Madeleine (Madeleine), Friday, 29 November 2002 10:29 (twenty-one years ago) link

Maddie, immediately invent an obscure food allergy that REQUIRES you to go to a different shop! Oh , and then KILL HER.

Archel (Archel), Friday, 29 November 2002 10:50 (twenty-one years ago) link

haha, madchen, fuck you! ;)

dwh (dwh), Friday, 29 November 2002 10:52 (twenty-one years ago) link

What the hell? Why, precisely, was that necessary, dwh? Christ on a bike.

Liz :x (Liz :x), Friday, 29 November 2002 10:57 (twenty-one years ago) link

Maddie, your co-worker is EVIL. There's only one place you should go for an off-site lunch and that's THE PUB!

robster (robster), Friday, 29 November 2002 10:58 (twenty-one years ago) link

Rule 2858 in a series of obscure rules:

Office twats who preface statements with 'I'm not being funny' should recognise that everything following the phrase comes with its own virtual kill file.

My other suggestion would be to canvass other coworkers for a pizza delivery one Friday and exclude her blatantly.

suzy (suzy), Friday, 29 November 2002 11:10 (twenty-one years ago) link

I want to invent a food allergy but then I'd be like her! She's allergic to garlic, alcohol, traffic fumes, manmade fibres, "still air" (this means we have the fan on in the winter so the air circulates and her eyes don't "gum up"), some other stuff that I forgot and, of course, EVER DOING ANY WORK. She is allergic to getting off her arse, I fear.

And the "I'm not being funny/I'm not having a go/I don't want you to take this the wrong way...." rule. I reckon if you have to start a sentence with any of these statements, you shouldn't be saying the sentence at all!

Madeleine (Madeleine), Friday, 29 November 2002 11:30 (twenty-one years ago) link

Oh, and I can't canvass others to share food. There's only me and her in the whole shop. And when it's quiet she talks to me like we're friends but we're not. It's all very unfortunate.

Madeleine (Madeleine), Friday, 29 November 2002 11:32 (twenty-one years ago) link

Haha 'still air'????

Archel (Archel), Friday, 29 November 2002 11:37 (twenty-one years ago) link

This stupid stupid woman sent every single person here an email saying that she left 60 centimes in the coffee machine and asking for whoever finds it to bring it to her office. What a scrooge!

Miss Laura, Friday, 29 November 2002 11:58 (twenty-one years ago) link

it wasn't sincere, liz, it was just a grumble about the allegation that 1/4 of scots are racist, y'know. the 'haha' was meant to temper it, sorry.

dwh (dwh), Friday, 29 November 2002 12:39 (twenty-one years ago) link

Allegation? My personal experience is this:

I work in a room with two people. Person 1 said to me all the stuff I wrote above. She thought nothing of saying it to a stranger (the assumption, I guess, being that I would think the same). Person 2 laughed along merrily. Also, I have come across numerous people in Glasgow who tell me they get scared in London because there are so many black people around. Again, the way they express themselves implies they feel no sense of shame whatsoever - they just don't see there's anything wrong in expressing obviously prejudiced opinions.

I'm not denying for a second that racism doesn't exist elsewhere (and I'm not forgetting that the survey found 3 in 4 Scots aren't racist) but this is the only place I've encountered bigots who have the expectation that my opinion must be the same as theirs.

Madchen (Madchen), Friday, 29 November 2002 13:17 (twenty-one years ago) link

Try the deli counter at S**n**ury's. I get so many customers who expect me to agree with their racist opinions simply because I am white. Twats.

alix (alix), Friday, 29 November 2002 17:42 (twenty-one years ago) link

e-mail from my boss: "when I came in on Monday, the Threepenny Opera files were not online. I expect that when I assign a task that it will be completed. Don't let this happen in the future."

reply from me: "actually, on Friday we both determined that we had the wrong CD and would have to special order a new copy. On Monday."

reply from my boss: "There must have been some miscommunication here."

yeah, between your ears and your brain. moron!

Dave M. (rotten03), Friday, 29 November 2002 17:56 (twenty-one years ago) link

Suzy, you aren't generalising wildly enough: yes, anyone who says "I'm not being funny, but" is best punched, hard and often, but this applies to most other sentences on the "I'm not being [X], but" model. X=racist obviously means "I am a loathsome racist", most obviously and clearly. Try 'sexist' or 'nasty' too.

Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Friday, 29 November 2002 19:18 (twenty-one years ago) link

Happily I've been blessed with a slew of great co-workers. I will say that some years back the news that someone was departing from our neck of the woods to go elsewhere was greeted with quiet relief, though.

Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 29 November 2002 19:30 (twenty-one years ago) link

Maddy, if she's your boss and only other co-worker then it sounds like she needs you more than you need her. POINTEDLY go to other shops to get your lunch. I say ignore the instruction.

suzy (suzy), Friday, 29 November 2002 22:55 (twenty-one years ago) link

Annoying Coworker: Yes, well, that account would be able to fund your entity if you hadn't taken money from it without telling me.
Me: What?
Annoying Coworker: (holds up wire) See? $147,000 from my account.
Me: No, we gave you money.
Annoying Coworker WHO GETS PAID LOTS MORE THAN ME: NO YOU DID NOT. I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't write wires without telling me in the future.
Me: Did you look at this? You account is on the credit side. Management (nb: my account) is on the debit side!
Annoying Coworker: Whatever, just don't do it again.

What the fuck?

Ally (mlescaut), Saturday, 30 November 2002 06:50 (twenty-one years ago) link

one month passes...
We've got two new people here this year - one of whom is very cool and I hardly see, so we get along really well. The other one, though - a nightmare. She's the epitome of simpering little girl-ness, speaks to me (and most everyone else) as though I'm a retarded child when in fact I've been doing the job that she's just begun (and is completely incompetent at, I might add) for 12 years. She's one of those people who has never met anyone as fascinating as herself in all of her born days and if she doesn't calm down, stop being a stupid bitch and stop second guessing every word I say to her, I will hit her in the head with a brick.

luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 14 January 2003 19:26 (twenty-one years ago) link

The receptionist keeps telling everyone she's going through post partum depression.

Despite the fact that she's obviously still pregnant.

Ally (mlescaut), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 02:47 (twenty-one years ago) link

My head hurts.

Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 02:49 (twenty-one years ago) link

How about the dumbass cockfarmer that came into the library coughing and sneezing in such an ostentatious way it's like he intentionally planned a big Outbreak scenario? Now I'm at home running a fever and I think I might have bronchitis again.

Nicole (Nicole), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 02:49 (twenty-one years ago) link

Hm. Find him and kill him.

Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 02:51 (twenty-one years ago) link

I was depressed about being unemployed until I saw this thread. Thank you everyone. :)

fractal (fractal), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 03:06 (twenty-one years ago) link

I was also informed that I wasn't authorized to approve payment on technological items.

However, I AM authorized to purchase them, however I want, whenever I want.

What does that even mean?

Ally (mlescaut), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 03:13 (twenty-one years ago) link

It means you got the kingdom, you got the key. Order yourself everything you ever wanted and don't share.

Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 03:16 (twenty-one years ago) link

people should post more on this thread. i like it.

Maria (Maria), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 04:23 (twenty-one years ago) link

What follows is an email that was sent to some friends last spring, after a particularly bad morning with co-workers.

SUBJECT LINE: I gotta get outta this place
...if it's the last thing I ever do (feel free to hum along.)

After a delightful morning spent discussing why someone:
1. Shouldn't open a printer paperfeed drawer, while the printer is printing;
2. Shouldn't send emails to everyone on their mailing lists about Church-related emails;
3. Should let others know when they need the printer instead of deleting documents in the queue;
4. Shouldn't tell someone "this is urgent" so they work really late to get it finished, when really, it isn't urgent at all and in fact, doesn't need to be done at all; and
5. Shouldn't take someone else's lunch from the refrigerator and leave it on the counter to make room for "extra drinks in case we have visitors,"
I have now experienced the conversation to top them all (and really, you have to laugh at this one. I did. Once I calmed down, imbibed chocolate and nicotine, and thought "well, at least it's not quantum physics?). So....here it is:

A Dialogue between "M" (yours truly) and "S" (Otherwise known as Scarett/Princess/Arch Nemesis/The Scarf Lady/etc.)
S: Hey "M"!
M: Yes?
S: You know how to work that digital camera yet?
M: Yeah, figured it out last week.
S: How long does it take to get those photos developed?
M: What?
S: I need some photos really fast, so I can photocopy them and make notes on the back. And get duplicates too, in case they get messed-up.
M: What? What pictures do you need taken?
S: I need to you take pictures of my computer.
M: Why?
S: I need to know what's on my computer.
M: (sigh) You are looking for a file?
S: No, I need to know what is on my screen thing.
M: (dawning awareness) You need screen captures?
S: No, I need pictures of my computer.
M: For....?
S: I need to know what's on my screen, 'cause these instructions don't make sense and I want to make notes.
M: Okay, then you need a picture of the information on your screen, that you can print and add notes to?
S: Yes.
M: Okay, we don't need the camera for that. We can just do screen captures. It's easy.
(M walks over to other office, taking deep and soothing breathes all the while, and explains how to "CTRL+ALT+PrtScn" - runs into trouble with explanation of holding down all keys at the same time. Eventually resolved and screen is captured.)
M: Now open Word and set the page to ?Landscape.?
S: My computer won't do that.
M: What? Yes it will.
(M goes through brief discussion of "portrait" vs "landscape" and how to perform operation in Word. Discovers part of problem is that S doesn?t know how to open Word because the icon isn?t on her desktop.)
M: Now just hit "Shift+Insert" and your screen shot will be inserted.
M: No, you need to hold down both keys at the same time.
M: I don't know, that's just the way the program is designed.
M: Yeah, it is find of frustrating.
M: Okay, now you have it. Just insert a new page for each of the next screen captures and then print the file.
(M returns to own desk and gets back into rhythm of formatting proposal.)
S: M! It isn't working. I want you to take the pictures for me.
M: I don't have time to take the pictures right now, I have to get this back to _____.
S: Well, I don't have the time to use the camera, so I guess this won't get done and _____ will be mad.
M: Yeah, I guess ___ will be mad, but I'll explain the problem to him.
S: Can't you do these thingys for me?
M: No, not right now. I have to get this done.
S: You know, it's your job to do this.
M: No, actually it isn't. I am sorry, but I really can't do it right now. If I have time later I'll come over and see what we can do. In the meantime, why don't you look under the "Help" menu to see if those instructions are better.
S: Oh, my computer doesn't have any "Help" on it. I keep telling ____ he needs to fix it, but he won't.

(M decides, for sake of sanity, to not try and figure out what that last comment means and returns to her editing, swearing all the while.)
End of original email.

And here are additional interesting tidbits about ?S?:
She claimed on her resume to be ?Microsoft Certified,? but was unable to explain what that meant;
She wrote all of her correspondence in Excel, because she didn?t know how to open Word (the icon wasn?t on her desktop);
When she came into work each morning, she made herself a pot of tea and sat in her cubicle reading household decorating magazines and drinking tea for the first two hours: and, best of all
She was once asked to provide a file that she had finished working on to another co-worker. The file was not on her hard drive for, as she explained, she ?didn?t want to fill it up with things? (and it was a 20 G HD!) File was eventually determined, by her, to be on a floppy. But floppy was blank when co-worker opened it. Eventually ?S? showed supervisor where she stored all of her floppys containing important info. She was attaching them to the metal parts of her cubicle with large magnets, so she ?could always find them.?

~ Laura (who is thankful that she can claim to be a happy rat, that abandoned the sinking ship in time to move to a much cushier and affluent ship, and is now ridiculously happy with things)

LCD (Ms Laura), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 05:13 (twenty-one years ago) link

She was once asked to provide a file that she had finished working on to another co-worker. The file was not on her hard drive for, as she explained, she "didn't want to fill it up with things" (and it was a 20 G HD!)

I've met a few people who have done basic "computer literacy" courses at colleges and Adult Ed. places who do this. What seems to happen is: the college says "don't store your files on the hard drive [of our lab computers], use a floppy" and the person absorbs this without understanding *why* they're being told it.

These sort of courses always seem to produce people who can't do anything except exactly what was on the course, and then only if their computer is set up exactly like the college ones were. Hence, not being able to start Word if it doesn't have a desktop icon.

(of course, the other stuff shows that this person seems to be a fuckwit regardless of that)

caitlin (caitlin), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 10:49 (twenty-one years ago) link

Laura, that's fantastic.

The ex-receptionist at my office once printed out an email so she could type it up in Word.

Alfie (Alfie), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 11:02 (twenty-one years ago) link

is that why she's an ex-receptionist?

MarkH (MarkH), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 11:30 (twenty-one years ago) link

awwwwww, usually this stuff would make me mad, but today i want to find them all and help them and give them tea.

it's a sappy day.

g-kit (g-kit), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 11:42 (twenty-one years ago) link

Heh, you'd think so wouldn't you. In actual fact, it wasn't until she went on holiday for 6 weeks and nobody noticed her absence that it became the MD realised that we could do without her.

Alfie (Alfie), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 11:48 (twenty-one years ago) link

sounds familiar - we had a Communications Executive who never did any communicating.

MarkH (MarkH), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 11:54 (twenty-one years ago) link

We also had an account executive who used to wander around the office to kill time. He had this time-consuming trick of getting up from his desk and finding a bin in another part of the building to throw his litter into (rather than the bin under his desk). Another trick was to go down to the fax machine to send a fax, return to his desk, wait a couple of minutes and then return to the fax machine to collect the piece of paper.

Alfie (Alfie), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 12:00 (twenty-one years ago) link

One of my new colleagues is, to all intents and purposes, Jade. I quote:

1. "What does agriculture mean?"

2. "I was so annoyed. Someone threw themselves under my tube yesterday. People that do that must be mad."

3. Me: "Just tell them to put the web address in and it will take them straight into the site."

Her: "What address? Their address?"

Matt DC (Matt DC), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 12:06 (twenty-one years ago) link

I can't decide whether to post this to the annoying colleague or the B.O. thread, so I'm going to post it to both! Anyhow, in one office where I worked we had a guy with a B.O. problem and the managers had to have words with him in private on a couple of occasions. And yes, on those rare occasions when my sinuses were clear (one day in seventeen approx) it was quite annoying and offensive to me. However, it was NOT NEARLY AS ANNOYING AND OFFENSIVE as the colleague who used to go on and on about it all the bloody time whenever the guy with the problem walked out of the room! Not only that, but as soon as he left she used to reach for the can of air freshener which she kept on her desk *specially* and spray about a litre of it about the place! So instead of an office smelling of sweat we had an office reeking of air freshener!

MarkH (MarkH), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 13:58 (twenty-one years ago) link

Mailroom guy who looks like a troglodyte - "I wanted 'digical'[pronounced thus] TV cuz I don't have enough channels! They were supposed to install it on Friday but they didn't - the whole weekend I had nuthin' to do! I was really looking forward to it too!"

dave q, Wednesday, 15 January 2003 14:21 (twenty-one years ago) link

i don't want to help any of those people, though. far too annoying. the previous lot were quite sweet.

g-kit (g-kit), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 14:45 (twenty-one years ago) link

I pretty much get along with my immediate co-workers, and none of them are so annoying that I can't tune them out. However, I once shared an office with a foot fetishist. No kidding; he was friggin' profiled in the Village Voice about it, and was completely calm and collected when I mentioned "so I saw the Voice today..."! I guess we all have our private interests, but we don't all alert the press about it!

Other things he did: worked at his cube standing up (making everyone around him very tense), unbuttoned his shirts halfway down his chest, commented on every phone conversation I had (work related or not), talked to himself, and played horrible CD-Rs of cabaret tunes he wrote and produced. I think the whole experience inoculated me against ever being annoyed by co-workers again.

mike a (mike a), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 16:14 (twenty-one years ago) link

Okay, here's another example from today. We had a sales rep come in to demo a software package/online service that provides journal content. Anyhoo, I did a sample search, and one of the citations that got brought up was from an Ethiopian journal. She said (in all seriousness): "Wow! I didn't think that Ethiopians even had any paper, let alone journals!"

Unfortunately something this stupid is uttered in my office at least once a day...

Nicole (Nicole), Thursday, 16 January 2003 03:26 (twenty-one years ago) link

The amount of coworkers you've killed in your head must make quite the body count.

Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 16 January 2003 03:54 (twenty-one years ago) link

You have no idea. Entire populations have been erased.

Nicole (Nicole), Thursday, 16 January 2003 03:56 (twenty-one years ago) link

"As the final screams echoed away into caverns of oblivion, Nicole turned off her death rays and rubbed her chin thoughtfully. 'Should I have used so much napalm?'"

Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 16 January 2003 03:57 (twenty-one years ago) link

Senor practice manager, trying to get me in trouble, to other manager: "I'm concerned over what was taught. we don't use the term 'XXX' on this team, so I don't know where that came from. also, was 'YYY" taught? I dont' see any reference to it"

me: "the term 'XXX' appears all over your materials, your employee website, and the GUI system that houses account data. in fact, YYY is literally an abbreviation for the term XXX. do you know your own client? here are screenshots"

CEO Greedwagon (Neanderthal), Friday, 16 February 2024 02:26 (two weeks ago) link

i really like the idea of you calling some doofus “Señor Practice Manager” lol

butt dumb tight my boners got boners (the table is the table), Friday, 16 February 2024 02:48 (two weeks ago) link

you want to know exactly when i'm going to take my holidays when my holidays will consist of me sitting on the sofa and watching tv? i have zero plans but you insist on making me plan.

tempted to take the two 'face-2-face' days off, the days when you want us all back in the office. plus all the other days where you've arranged pointless meetings.

(booking holidays was so much easier when i had gf overseas, those medical appointments in an hospital an hour away or when there was snowboarding on the tv)

koogs, Tuesday, 20 February 2024 17:40 (one week ago) link

he's now suggesting dates to me, such idiocy as mon, tue and fri of the same week, and the entire week following three days i've already booked (12 days in a row = far too long). also, good friday...

koogs, Tuesday, 20 February 2024 18:11 (one week ago) link

he's now on his third iteration

koogs, Tuesday, 20 February 2024 18:25 (one week ago) link

I like when I took the afternoon off to go to a baseball game and the boss' boss threw a fit when she saw me walking down the street afterward.


Enjoy Nuoc Mam With Mr. Qualk (I M Losted), Tuesday, 20 February 2024 18:52 (one week ago) link

Not like I played hooky to watch a game. I was like "enough of this orwellian shit."

Enjoy Nuoc Mam With Mr. Qualk (I M Losted), Tuesday, 20 February 2024 18:54 (one week ago) link

did they lose their shit to your face or did you hear about it the next way?

bosses being incredulous that people occasionally spend this time on this Earth doing something enjoyable rather than being a glorified rusty gear, always the worst

CEO Greedwagon (Neanderthal), Tuesday, 20 February 2024 20:08 (one week ago) link

I was in a meeting last week in which multiple supervisors used the phrase “work smarter not harder.”

JoeStork, Tuesday, 20 February 2024 21:23 (one week ago) link

Neanderthal, to my face. She glowered at me and said "what are you doing out here"?

She's not my direct boss and couldn't do much about it. He signed off on it.

Enjoy Nuoc Mam With Mr. Qualk (I M Losted), Tuesday, 20 February 2024 22:33 (one week ago) link

"whatever I goddamn like, that's what I'm doing"

CEO Greedwagon (Neanderthal), Tuesday, 20 February 2024 22:42 (one week ago) link

my management encourages me to take my paid time off, and now encourages me to do it regularly because the shit was hitting the fan in november, our pto expires at the end of the year, and after the first week of december I was like “whoops gotta use my pto, see you in january!!”

ɥɯ ︵ (°□°) (mh), Wednesday, 21 February 2024 02:04 (one week ago) link

I was in a meeting last week in which multiple supervisors used the phrase “work smarter not harder.”

When is the arraignment?

immodesty blaise (jimbeaux), Wednesday, 21 February 2024 02:05 (one week ago) link

the holiday thing is the same here. holiday year ends at end of march so it gets quiet towards the end as people use up their spare days. everyone knows this. but this year they've gone and agreed deadlines for early april. (tbf there are external factors, like national events)

but if you're 100% busy during the rest of the year there's no good time to take holiday. i had a week for my birthday and a week for Christmas (and didn't really enjoy either). i struggle with weekends, even.

koogs, Wednesday, 21 February 2024 06:03 (one week ago) link

I really need my co-worker to stop telling me they need a "wee", "tinkle", or this morning, a "wee wee". These are grown women. It drives me nuts.

Benson and the Jets (ENBB), Wednesday, 21 February 2024 10:32 (one week ago) link

co-workers - there's more than one offender.

Benson and the Jets (ENBB), Wednesday, 21 February 2024 10:33 (one week ago) link

That’s a bit Hunni of them tbh. Do your male coworkers tell you they’re off to have a slash?

steely flan (suzy), Wednesday, 21 February 2024 10:46 (one week ago) link

lol nope!

Tinkle and wee wee are the first. They're not puppies ffs.

Benson and the Jets (ENBB), Wednesday, 21 February 2024 10:53 (one week ago) link

‘Tinkle’ suggests a twee American colleague because British people rarely say this. The ‘if you sprinkle/when you tinkle’ rhyme is horribly American.

steely flan (suzy), Wednesday, 21 February 2024 11:19 (one week ago) link

People at work write "brb bio" and it makes me more mad.

Just say brb I don't need to know stuff is coming out of you

CEO Greedwagon (Neanderthal), Wednesday, 21 February 2024 11:54 (one week ago) link

Nope - the one who uses tinkle is from Bromley and has never been to the US!

Benson and the Jets (ENBB), Wednesday, 21 February 2024 12:04 (one week ago) link

and yeah I hate bio break too - just fucking excuse yourself we don't need to know

Benson and the Jets (ENBB), Wednesday, 21 February 2024 12:04 (one week ago) link

The if you sprinkle thing is horrific. I knew someone growing up who had the whole phrase (which I am not typing out here it's bad enough you made me think of embroidered on a hoop in their bathroom. Nope. Just no.

Benson and the Jets (ENBB), Wednesday, 21 February 2024 12:06 (one week ago) link

You have a genteel workplace if you’ve never had a colleague excuse themselves for a slash/wazz.

steely flan (suzy), Wednesday, 21 February 2024 12:07 (one week ago) link

I was once training people remotely and had one of them tell me they'd had a potluck that day and one of the people severely undercooked something and she described the diarrhea she was having to me as subtly as possible which wasn't much.

Idk what I was more annoyed by, that detail, or the fact that someone fucked up a potluck dish that bad.

Never eat anything at a work potluck that needs to be 165 degrees to spare your intestines

CEO Greedwagon (Neanderthal), Wednesday, 21 February 2024 12:29 (one week ago) link

Just say brb I don't need to know stuff is coming out of you


bae (sic), Wednesday, 21 February 2024 15:37 (one week ago) link

knew you were going to have that teed up

CEO Greedwagon (Neanderthal), Wednesday, 21 February 2024 15:38 (one week ago) link

My old boss was great and didn't really care about Workday for vacation. My new boss is a bit different. Further the system works a bit different to how everyone ever communicated (you can roll more than 5 days).

I have about two months vacation to take this year.

I am sure the enthusiasm for me to use it is going to dissipate about as soon as I book some of it.

horizontal, Wednesday, 21 February 2024 16:35 (one week ago) link

I really need my co-worker to stop telling me they need a "wee", "tinkle", or this morning, a "wee wee". These are grown women. It drives me nuts.

Let me know if you need legal representation.

immodesty blaise (jimbeaux), Wednesday, 21 February 2024 16:42 (one week ago) link

my HR called me back in regards to my escalation. when they announced themselves, they gave the name of our former company.

we spun off in 2018.

CEO Greedwagon (Neanderthal), Thursday, 22 February 2024 21:18 (one week ago) link

Received an email this morning that "Unfortunately there are significantly less courses available to teach this upcoming year than there have been in the past years." Besides the grammar error, among the few that really enrage me for some reason, there's also the fact that I have taught *five* courses at this school every year for the past two years— this is basically a huge chunk of staff being downsized, myself included. I have a feeling the school is going to shutter the program, which is unfortunate, especially for the wonderful students I've taught that will now have no alma mater, for all intents and purposes.

As for me, I'll make it work— I'm going back to school this summer, and know how to hustle other shit for a year or so— but JFC, how abysmal.

butt dumb tight my boners got boners (the table is the table), Thursday, 22 February 2024 22:14 (one week ago) link

The word "tinkle" is one of the best justifications for censorship.

Enjoy Nuoc Mam With Mr. Qualk (I M Losted), Friday, 23 February 2024 13:02 (one week ago) link

The word "tinkle" is one of the best justifications for censorship.

Enjoy Nuoc Mam With Mr. Qualk (I M Losted), Friday, 23 February 2024 13:03 (one week ago) link

This is a minor one in the scheme of things, BUT.

An otherwise very nice and good to work with newish coworker clears his throat every 20 seconds all day, every day. Cough drops, water and gum have all been offered up. The clearing persists.

Maxmillion D. Boosted (jon /via/ chi 2.0), Friday, 23 February 2024 16:53 (one week ago) link

we had a guy who would similarly cough all day. claimed it only happened in the office. we figured it was the fibres from the work carpets.

koogs, Friday, 23 February 2024 18:02 (one week ago) link

I used to have a colleague who would regularly take a deep snort, as though clearing his nose into his throat. Not sure why, I guess it had to do with sinus issues.

immodesty blaise (jimbeaux), Friday, 23 February 2024 18:55 (one week ago) link

that's what I do during a bout of sleep apnea

CEO Greedwagon (Neanderthal), Friday, 23 February 2024 18:56 (one week ago) link

Yeah, but he was (or at least appeared to be) wide awake.

immodesty blaise (jimbeaux), Friday, 23 February 2024 19:04 (one week ago) link

the aforementioned "face 2 face" day where we all go into the office for... reasons coincides tomorrow with the release of some software we've been working on for a while. and because it's potentially disruptive we've been given a change window of 7 to 9am.

tldr: i have to be in the office at 7 tomorrow morning.

koogs, Monday, 26 February 2024 18:38 (five days ago) link

Received a good reminder in recent weeks to never, ever question direction from middle managers, no matter how mildly, well reasoned and supported by data that gentle push back may be. It will NOT be received well and will backfire, almost always.

Before my new boss these tasks took up maybe 10% of my time. When my new boss entered the picture, it went up to probably 40% of my time, prompting my gentle questioning. Now it sits at about 65% of my time. Lesson learned, don't complain.

Maxmillion D. Boosted (jon /via/ chi 2.0), Monday, 26 February 2024 20:52 (five days ago) link

omg i've never actually needed to post in this thread until today

Swen, Tuesday, 27 February 2024 15:19 (four days ago) link

the ONLY words i can think of for this person are ANNOYING DUDE

Swen, Tuesday, 27 February 2024 15:19 (four days ago) link

i hate to just barge into a thread that i haven't followed and bark up a storm but i'm trying to put my finger on this guy

Swen, Tuesday, 27 February 2024 15:20 (four days ago) link

i'm going to have to think about it but i appreciate having a place for this lol <3

Swen, Tuesday, 27 February 2024 15:24 (four days ago) link

Not a specific co-worker, but a complaint about a specific type of co-worker that I like to call an escalator. You know, the ones that start with a very simple, easy to answer question that gently snowballs until they get to their real ask, which is a big time suck.

co-worker: "Hey can you send over the square footage of this project?"
me: "Sure, here you go."
co-worker: "Thanks, can you actually break that down by floor."
me: "Ok, here it is."
co-worker: "Great, do you happen to also have the costs for each floor?"
me: "Had to spend some time breaking down the overall costs, but here you go."
co-worker: "Oh, actually, all this information was for this 18-page form I've been asked to fill out. Can you just fill it all out for me? That's probably quicker."

Maxmillion D. Boosted (jon /via/ chi 2.0), Thursday, 29 February 2024 15:43 (two days ago) link

i seem to be currently doing someone else's ticket for them using the medium of slack messages so i feel your pain.

koogs, Thursday, 29 February 2024 15:53 (two days ago) link

jon stuff like that is why i've gotten to where i ghost people now. not saying you should or even know if you can, but there's definitely a personality type that does that and basically if I've done what was originally asked and they're trying to be sneaky, i just 'forget' to respond ever again.

CEO Greedwagon (Neanderthal), Thursday, 29 February 2024 16:34 (two days ago) link

Yesterday one of our idiot plans administrators nearly prevented a single mom from adding her newborn child to medical coverage because of a egregiously bad understanding of the plan's rules.

Most companies have rules preventing people from getting duplicate coverage as an employee and a dependent child of another employee (i.e. you can't have your own medical, and also be covered as a child on your parent's plan).

This person was covered under dependent life under their mother and tried to enroll in employee life, and so the system was invalidating the entire transaction where she tried to add the child. A ticket was started.

Instead of telling the agent to just remove the Employee Life, he incorrectly told them that she couldn't cover the child on medical at all because of the unrelated coverage she had under her mom

Scares me to think how many other catastrophic mistakes he's made

CEO Greedwagon (Neanderthal), Thursday, 29 February 2024 16:50 (two days ago) link

xp - this was actually my first interaction with this specific first person, but yeah, i'll definitely have my radar up next time they reach out for something.

Maxmillion D. Boosted (jon /via/ chi 2.0), Thursday, 29 February 2024 16:52 (two days ago) link

the other archetype i hate are the 'intentional forgetters', people who know there is a defined process for doing things, but they circumvent the process and go right to you, and when you remind them of process say "oh I'm so dumb, I forgot about that, well can you just do it for me now and I'll remember next time"...and then next time, do the same thing.

CEO Greedwagon (Neanderthal), Thursday, 29 February 2024 17:00 (two days ago) link

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