Let's bitch about our stupid, annoying co-workers

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Girl I work with is chatting to a male customer in friendly fashion as she serves him. He leaves, then me and her have this conversation.

Annoying Girl: "I hope people don't get the wrong idea!"
Me: "Eh?"
AG: "About me and the guy. I hope people don't start thinking we're going out, just because I'm friendly to him when he comes in."
Me: "Eh, I don't think people will assume that."
AG: "You don't think the bosses would fire me for it? You know, for being too friendly with the customers?"
Me: "Eh, no." (Thinking: Christ Almighty!)
AG: "I'm really worried now. They wouldn't fire me for it, would they?"
Me: "I doubt it."

A few minutes pass...

AG: "I'm still really worried. They wouldn't fire me, would they?"
Me: "NO!" (Thinking: leave me alone, you neurotic freak!)

Then this crazy elderly man, a regular customer, comes in. He was in a car accident which left him, (how shall I put this?), barking mad. He thinks he's a real estate owner, and I'm one of his tenants, despite the fact that he asks me for money for tobacco every time he comes in. He proceeds to tell the annoying girl about all the houses he owns, and how I am one of his tenants etc, etc, while drooling and smelling terrible! He leaves.

AG: (genuinely) "Was that true, what he was saying?"
Me: "Oh my, no."
AG: "It could have been..."
Me: "I'm pretty sure it wasn't" (Thinking: Christ! I think I'd know if I was one of his tenants!)
AG: "Appearances can be deceptive..."
Me: "No, I'm pretty sure he's barking mad."
AG: "But-"
Me: "NO!"

It was a long day at work. I feel better now I've got it off my chest! Now it's your turn to bitch.

What makes it even more irritating is that she's a very NICE person. No harm in her at all, just really annoying and stupid. So I feel bad for bitching about her, yet I am compelled to do so!

weasel diesel (K1l14n), Thursday, 28 November 2002 22:19 (seventeen years ago) link

One of the managers at the petrol station once called me outside for a smoke and to talk to me, it was a bit like the Warden Norton/Tommy scene in Shawshank Redemption.

Boss:"Ronan could you comb your hair next time you come to work"


Me:"eh in fairness the contract doesn't say anything about me having to comb my hair"

Boss:"yeah but I mean you're a student now yeah? this job isn't so bad. they look after you well, it's a good wage, I'm happy with my lot"

Me:"I don't think there's any chance of me ever working here for a living, long term"

Boss:"Yeah and they pay your health insurance, it's not too difficult a job either"

Me:"Yeah no I'm never going to want to work here, to be honest I was planning on quitting as soon as I start college, or maybe even sooner, you needn't tell the main boss that"

Boss:"Oh don't worry, whatever is discussed here stays here. *long David Brent style lecture* I know what it's like to work WITH people and AROUND people, and I know that this station is not being run as effectively as possible, it's a clique, and I'm sure you can see that too Ronan. But quitting isn't going to change that. You quitting will not make this a smoother operation.

Me:"Eh I don't care about this job, I'm not sure what your point is"

Boss:"All I'm saying is, think about what I've said to you yeah? Just think about it"

Me:"............ok"

Ronan (Ronan), Thursday, 28 November 2002 22:45 (seventeen years ago) link

Is it only DCU students who work with stupid, annoying people?

DV (dirtyvicar), Thursday, 28 November 2002 23:50 (seventeen years ago) link

no, its anyone who has ever worked in bars with no-neck, arrogant-for-no-reason wankers, with no brain function other than the tiny amount required to raise a beer to their filthy mouths after a shift.

donna (donna), Friday, 29 November 2002 04:26 (seventeen years ago) link

Hurrah for it is the last day of the CompulsiveEatingBurpingCulotteWearingTactlessJollyCoWorker today!!! What will hopefully be my last annoying conversation with her happened first thing on Wednesday morning:

CEBCWTJCW: Morning Rachel!!! Oooh! What have you done to your NOSE??

Me: What? Oh yeah, it's a spot.

CEBCWTJCW: No! You've cut yourself or something! It's really RED.

Me: No, really, it's just a big, shiny, noticeable spot.

CEBCWTJCW: It looks really BAD!

At this point I gave up all hope of having a good day.

Archel (Archel), Friday, 29 November 2002 09:17 (seventeen years ago) link

Day one at my new job.

Woman At Next Desk: Oh, you used to live in London? So did I. I moved back after my daughter started school and, to be honest, I'm really glad I did. The education you get in London is terrible.

Madchen: I've heard inner city schools are, er, challenging.

WAND: Oh yes. I mean, she was one of only three white faces in the class.

Madchen: Oh. (Mutters something under her breath about 1 in 4 Scots).

Madchen (Madchen), Friday, 29 November 2002 09:26 (seventeen years ago) link

My co-worker Oh, I'm not being funny.... but could you only buy your lunch from the shop across the road from now on? When you go anywhere else it takes too long. Maybe you should bring a pack up from home.

Me (in my head): No, fuck off you food fascist. You're the one who is consistantly 15 minutes late back from lunch every day, and I know I'll spend the last hour of the day sitting around doing nothing listening to you go on and on and on so it's not like we're really busy. And God, just never speak to me again!

Me (in reality): Yeah, no problem.

Madeleine (Madeleine), Friday, 29 November 2002 10:29 (seventeen years ago) link

Maddie, immediately invent an obscure food allergy that REQUIRES you to go to a different shop! Oh , and then KILL HER.

Archel (Archel), Friday, 29 November 2002 10:50 (seventeen years ago) link

haha, madchen, fuck you! ;)

dwh (dwh), Friday, 29 November 2002 10:52 (seventeen years ago) link

What the hell? Why, precisely, was that necessary, dwh? Christ on a bike.

Liz :x (Liz :x), Friday, 29 November 2002 10:57 (seventeen years ago) link

Maddie, your co-worker is EVIL. There's only one place you should go for an off-site lunch and that's THE PUB!

robster (robster), Friday, 29 November 2002 10:58 (seventeen years ago) link

Rule 2858 in a series of obscure rules:

Office twats who preface statements with 'I'm not being funny' should recognise that everything following the phrase comes with its own virtual kill file.

My other suggestion would be to canvass other coworkers for a pizza delivery one Friday and exclude her blatantly.

suzy (suzy), Friday, 29 November 2002 11:10 (seventeen years ago) link

I want to invent a food allergy but then I'd be like her! She's allergic to garlic, alcohol, traffic fumes, manmade fibres, "still air" (this means we have the fan on in the winter so the air circulates and her eyes don't "gum up"), some other stuff that I forgot and, of course, EVER DOING ANY WORK. She is allergic to getting off her arse, I fear.

And the "I'm not being funny/I'm not having a go/I don't want you to take this the wrong way...." rule. I reckon if you have to start a sentence with any of these statements, you shouldn't be saying the sentence at all!

Madeleine (Madeleine), Friday, 29 November 2002 11:30 (seventeen years ago) link

Oh, and I can't canvass others to share food. There's only me and her in the whole shop. And when it's quiet she talks to me like we're friends but we're not. It's all very unfortunate.

Madeleine (Madeleine), Friday, 29 November 2002 11:32 (seventeen years ago) link

Haha 'still air'????

Archel (Archel), Friday, 29 November 2002 11:37 (seventeen years ago) link

This stupid stupid woman sent every single person here an email saying that she left 60 centimes in the coffee machine and asking for whoever finds it to bring it to her office. What a scrooge!

Miss Laura, Friday, 29 November 2002 11:58 (seventeen years ago) link

it wasn't sincere, liz, it was just a grumble about the allegation that 1/4 of scots are racist, y'know. the 'haha' was meant to temper it, sorry.

dwh (dwh), Friday, 29 November 2002 12:39 (seventeen years ago) link

Allegation? My personal experience is this:

I work in a room with two people. Person 1 said to me all the stuff I wrote above. She thought nothing of saying it to a stranger (the assumption, I guess, being that I would think the same). Person 2 laughed along merrily. Also, I have come across numerous people in Glasgow who tell me they get scared in London because there are so many black people around. Again, the way they express themselves implies they feel no sense of shame whatsoever - they just don't see there's anything wrong in expressing obviously prejudiced opinions.

I'm not denying for a second that racism doesn't exist elsewhere (and I'm not forgetting that the survey found 3 in 4 Scots aren't racist) but this is the only place I've encountered bigots who have the expectation that my opinion must be the same as theirs.

Madchen (Madchen), Friday, 29 November 2002 13:17 (seventeen years ago) link

Try the deli counter at S**n**ury's. I get so many customers who expect me to agree with their racist opinions simply because I am white. Twats.

alix (alix), Friday, 29 November 2002 17:42 (seventeen years ago) link

e-mail from my boss: "when I came in on Monday, the Threepenny Opera files were not online. I expect that when I assign a task that it will be completed. Don't let this happen in the future."

reply from me: "actually, on Friday we both determined that we had the wrong CD and would have to special order a new copy. On Monday."

reply from my boss: "There must have been some miscommunication here."

yeah, between your ears and your brain. moron!

Dave M. (rotten03), Friday, 29 November 2002 17:56 (seventeen years ago) link

Suzy, you aren't generalising wildly enough: yes, anyone who says "I'm not being funny, but" is best punched, hard and often, but this applies to most other sentences on the "I'm not being [X], but" model. X=racist obviously means "I am a loathsome racist", most obviously and clearly. Try 'sexist' or 'nasty' too.

Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Friday, 29 November 2002 19:18 (seventeen years ago) link

Happily I've been blessed with a slew of great co-workers. I will say that some years back the news that someone was departing from our neck of the woods to go elsewhere was greeted with quiet relief, though.

Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 29 November 2002 19:30 (seventeen years ago) link

Maddy, if she's your boss and only other co-worker then it sounds like she needs you more than you need her. POINTEDLY go to other shops to get your lunch. I say ignore the instruction.

suzy (suzy), Friday, 29 November 2002 22:55 (seventeen years ago) link

Annoying Coworker: Yes, well, that account would be able to fund your entity if you hadn't taken money from it without telling me.
Me: What?
Annoying Coworker: (holds up wire) See? $147,000 from my account.
Me: No, we gave you money.
Annoying Coworker WHO GETS PAID LOTS MORE THAN ME: NO YOU DID NOT. I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't write wires without telling me in the future.
Me: Did you look at this? You account is on the credit side. Management (nb: my account) is on the debit side!
Annoying Coworker: Whatever, just don't do it again.

What the fuck?

Ally (mlescaut), Saturday, 30 November 2002 06:50 (seventeen years ago) link

one month passes...
We've got two new people here this year - one of whom is very cool and I hardly see, so we get along really well. The other one, though - a nightmare. She's the epitome of simpering little girl-ness, speaks to me (and most everyone else) as though I'm a retarded child when in fact I've been doing the job that she's just begun (and is completely incompetent at, I might add) for 12 years. She's one of those people who has never met anyone as fascinating as herself in all of her born days and if she doesn't calm down, stop being a stupid bitch and stop second guessing every word I say to her, I will hit her in the head with a brick.

luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 14 January 2003 19:26 (seventeen years ago) link

The receptionist keeps telling everyone she's going through post partum depression.

Despite the fact that she's obviously still pregnant.

Ally (mlescaut), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 02:47 (seventeen years ago) link

My head hurts.

Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 02:49 (seventeen years ago) link

How about the dumbass cockfarmer that came into the library coughing and sneezing in such an ostentatious way it's like he intentionally planned a big Outbreak scenario? Now I'm at home running a fever and I think I might have bronchitis again.

Nicole (Nicole), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 02:49 (seventeen years ago) link

Hm. Find him and kill him.

Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 02:51 (seventeen years ago) link

I was depressed about being unemployed until I saw this thread. Thank you everyone. :)

fractal (fractal), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 03:06 (seventeen years ago) link

I was also informed that I wasn't authorized to approve payment on technological items.

However, I AM authorized to purchase them, however I want, whenever I want.

What does that even mean?

Ally (mlescaut), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 03:13 (seventeen years ago) link

It means you got the kingdom, you got the key. Order yourself everything you ever wanted and don't share.

Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 03:16 (seventeen years ago) link

people should post more on this thread. i like it.

Maria (Maria), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 04:23 (seventeen years ago) link

What follows is an email that was sent to some friends last spring, after a particularly bad morning with co-workers.

SUBJECT LINE: I gotta get outta this place
...if it's the last thing I ever do (feel free to hum along.)

After a delightful morning spent discussing why someone:
1. Shouldn't open a printer paperfeed drawer, while the printer is printing;
2. Shouldn't send emails to everyone on their mailing lists about Church-related emails;
3. Should let others know when they need the printer instead of deleting documents in the queue;
4. Shouldn't tell someone "this is urgent" so they work really late to get it finished, when really, it isn't urgent at all and in fact, doesn't need to be done at all; and
5. Shouldn't take someone else's lunch from the refrigerator and leave it on the counter to make room for "extra drinks in case we have visitors,"
I have now experienced the conversation to top them all (and really, you have to laugh at this one. I did. Once I calmed down, imbibed chocolate and nicotine, and thought "well, at least it's not quantum physics?). So....here it is:

A Dialogue between "M" (yours truly) and "S" (Otherwise known as Scarett/Princess/Arch Nemesis/The Scarf Lady/etc.)
S: Hey "M"!
M: Yes?
S: You know how to work that digital camera yet?
M: Yeah, figured it out last week.
S: How long does it take to get those photos developed?
M: What?
S: I need some photos really fast, so I can photocopy them and make notes on the back. And get duplicates too, in case they get messed-up.
M: What? What pictures do you need taken?
S: I need to you take pictures of my computer.
M: Why?
S: I need to know what's on my computer.
M: (sigh) You are looking for a file?
S: No, I need to know what is on my screen thing.
M: (dawning awareness) You need screen captures?
S: No, I need pictures of my computer.
M: For....?
S: I need to know what's on my screen, 'cause these instructions don't make sense and I want to make notes.
M: Okay, then you need a picture of the information on your screen, that you can print and add notes to?
S: Yes.
M: Okay, we don't need the camera for that. We can just do screen captures. It's easy.
(M walks over to other office, taking deep and soothing breathes all the while, and explains how to "CTRL+ALT+PrtScn" - runs into trouble with explanation of holding down all keys at the same time. Eventually resolved and screen is captured.)
M: Now open Word and set the page to ?Landscape.?
S: My computer won't do that.
M: What? Yes it will.
(M goes through brief discussion of "portrait" vs "landscape" and how to perform operation in Word. Discovers part of problem is that S doesn?t know how to open Word because the icon isn?t on her desktop.)
M: Now just hit "Shift+Insert" and your screen shot will be inserted.
M: No, you need to hold down both keys at the same time.
M: I don't know, that's just the way the program is designed.
M: Yeah, it is find of frustrating.
M: Okay, now you have it. Just insert a new page for each of the next screen captures and then print the file.
(M returns to own desk and gets back into rhythm of formatting proposal.)
S: M! It isn't working. I want you to take the pictures for me.
M: I don't have time to take the pictures right now, I have to get this back to _____.
S: Well, I don't have the time to use the camera, so I guess this won't get done and _____ will be mad.
M: Yeah, I guess ___ will be mad, but I'll explain the problem to him.
S: Can't you do these thingys for me?
M: No, not right now. I have to get this done.
S: You know, it's your job to do this.
M: No, actually it isn't. I am sorry, but I really can't do it right now. If I have time later I'll come over and see what we can do. In the meantime, why don't you look under the "Help" menu to see if those instructions are better.
S: Oh, my computer doesn't have any "Help" on it. I keep telling ____ he needs to fix it, but he won't.

(M decides, for sake of sanity, to not try and figure out what that last comment means and returns to her editing, swearing all the while.)
End of original email.

And here are additional interesting tidbits about ?S?:
She claimed on her resume to be ?Microsoft Certified,? but was unable to explain what that meant;
She wrote all of her correspondence in Excel, because she didn?t know how to open Word (the icon wasn?t on her desktop);
When she came into work each morning, she made herself a pot of tea and sat in her cubicle reading household decorating magazines and drinking tea for the first two hours: and, best of all
She was once asked to provide a file that she had finished working on to another co-worker. The file was not on her hard drive for, as she explained, she ?didn?t want to fill it up with things? (and it was a 20 G HD!) File was eventually determined, by her, to be on a floppy. But floppy was blank when co-worker opened it. Eventually ?S? showed supervisor where she stored all of her floppys containing important info. She was attaching them to the metal parts of her cubicle with large magnets, so she ?could always find them.?

~ Laura (who is thankful that she can claim to be a happy rat, that abandoned the sinking ship in time to move to a much cushier and affluent ship, and is now ridiculously happy with things)

LCD (Ms Laura), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 05:13 (seventeen years ago) link

She was once asked to provide a file that she had finished working on to another co-worker. The file was not on her hard drive for, as she explained, she "didn't want to fill it up with things" (and it was a 20 G HD!)

I've met a few people who have done basic "computer literacy" courses at colleges and Adult Ed. places who do this. What seems to happen is: the college says "don't store your files on the hard drive [of our lab computers], use a floppy" and the person absorbs this without understanding *why* they're being told it.

These sort of courses always seem to produce people who can't do anything except exactly what was on the course, and then only if their computer is set up exactly like the college ones were. Hence, not being able to start Word if it doesn't have a desktop icon.

(of course, the other stuff shows that this person seems to be a fuckwit regardless of that)

caitlin (caitlin), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 10:49 (seventeen years ago) link

Laura, that's fantastic.

The ex-receptionist at my office once printed out an email so she could type it up in Word.

Alfie (Alfie), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 11:02 (seventeen years ago) link

is that why she's an ex-receptionist?

MarkH (MarkH), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 11:30 (seventeen years ago) link

awwwwww, usually this stuff would make me mad, but today i want to find them all and help them and give them tea.

it's a sappy day.

g-kit (g-kit), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 11:42 (seventeen years ago) link

Heh, you'd think so wouldn't you. In actual fact, it wasn't until she went on holiday for 6 weeks and nobody noticed her absence that it became the MD realised that we could do without her.

Alfie (Alfie), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 11:48 (seventeen years ago) link

sounds familiar - we had a Communications Executive who never did any communicating.

MarkH (MarkH), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 11:54 (seventeen years ago) link

We also had an account executive who used to wander around the office to kill time. He had this time-consuming trick of getting up from his desk and finding a bin in another part of the building to throw his litter into (rather than the bin under his desk). Another trick was to go down to the fax machine to send a fax, return to his desk, wait a couple of minutes and then return to the fax machine to collect the piece of paper.

Alfie (Alfie), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 12:00 (seventeen years ago) link

One of my new colleagues is, to all intents and purposes, Jade. I quote:

1. "What does agriculture mean?"

2. "I was so annoyed. Someone threw themselves under my tube yesterday. People that do that must be mad."

3. Me: "Just tell them to put the web address in and it will take them straight into the site."

Her: "What address? Their address?"

Matt DC (Matt DC), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 12:06 (seventeen years ago) link

I can't decide whether to post this to the annoying colleague or the B.O. thread, so I'm going to post it to both! Anyhow, in one office where I worked we had a guy with a B.O. problem and the managers had to have words with him in private on a couple of occasions. And yes, on those rare occasions when my sinuses were clear (one day in seventeen approx) it was quite annoying and offensive to me. However, it was NOT NEARLY AS ANNOYING AND OFFENSIVE as the colleague who used to go on and on about it all the bloody time whenever the guy with the problem walked out of the room! Not only that, but as soon as he left she used to reach for the can of air freshener which she kept on her desk *specially* and spray about a litre of it about the place! So instead of an office smelling of sweat we had an office reeking of air freshener!

MarkH (MarkH), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 13:58 (seventeen years ago) link

Mailroom guy who looks like a troglodyte - "I wanted 'digical'[pronounced thus] TV cuz I don't have enough channels! They were supposed to install it on Friday but they didn't - the whole weekend I had nuthin' to do! I was really looking forward to it too!"

dave q, Wednesday, 15 January 2003 14:21 (seventeen years ago) link

i don't want to help any of those people, though. far too annoying. the previous lot were quite sweet.

g-kit (g-kit), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 14:45 (seventeen years ago) link

I pretty much get along with my immediate co-workers, and none of them are so annoying that I can't tune them out. However, I once shared an office with a foot fetishist. No kidding; he was friggin' profiled in the Village Voice about it, and was completely calm and collected when I mentioned "so I saw the Voice today..."! I guess we all have our private interests, but we don't all alert the press about it!

Other things he did: worked at his cube standing up (making everyone around him very tense), unbuttoned his shirts halfway down his chest, commented on every phone conversation I had (work related or not), talked to himself, and played horrible CD-Rs of cabaret tunes he wrote and produced. I think the whole experience inoculated me against ever being annoyed by co-workers again.

mike a (mike a), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 16:14 (seventeen years ago) link

Okay, here's another example from today. We had a sales rep come in to demo a software package/online service that provides journal content. Anyhoo, I did a sample search, and one of the citations that got brought up was from an Ethiopian journal. She said (in all seriousness): "Wow! I didn't think that Ethiopians even had any paper, let alone journals!"

Unfortunately something this stupid is uttered in my office at least once a day...

Nicole (Nicole), Thursday, 16 January 2003 03:26 (seventeen years ago) link

The amount of coworkers you've killed in your head must make quite the body count.

Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 16 January 2003 03:54 (seventeen years ago) link

You have no idea. Entire populations have been erased.

Nicole (Nicole), Thursday, 16 January 2003 03:56 (seventeen years ago) link

"As the final screams echoed away into caverns of oblivion, Nicole turned off her death rays and rubbed her chin thoughtfully. 'Should I have used so much napalm?'"

Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 16 January 2003 03:57 (seventeen years ago) link

xp sorry I thought you wanted that, but play on, play on

an incoherent crustacean (MatthewK), Friday, 20 December 2019 09:04 (four weeks ago) link

I have a lot of information about what devices are installed at a certain mouse-governed theme park due to their continued confusion and have yet to determine what to do with it.

Please note that utility data for the entire campus is also included. This was the only data made available with the application, and in order to accurately estimate and verify savings, individual building meter data will need to be obtained from the campus.

i chop up the orange and chomp on the inside of it (bizarro gazzara), Friday, 20 December 2019 10:00 (four weeks ago) link

I have quite a common name and get a lot of Gmail meant for other people: medical details, flight tickets etc., which I guess is often the result of people entering their own email addresses wrongly when they place the order. Who does that?

fetter, Friday, 20 December 2019 10:50 (four weeks ago) link

loads of people it seems

I get gmails for some guy in Wisconsin who buys a deer-hunting license every year, some guy in Ireland who does something to do with horse racing, timesheets for a temp worker in the midlands (that was a bit of a weird one, since I am from the midlands and my namesake was working not far from where I grew up)

I used to reply telling them but it doesn't make any difference, they just keep on coming.

Colonel Poo, Friday, 20 December 2019 11:17 (four weeks ago) link

So I work in the nonprofit division of a company that, by and large, handles for-profit business. The primary email address I monitor consists entirely of the word 'nonprofit' before the @. Not a lot of ambiguity there. So when I regularly receive emails that are like 'yeah hi would you be interested in this retail auto parts franchise' I have to wonder what people think 'nonprofit' means. Or if they've ever given it any thought. Or if they think. Gag me. With a spoon.

i was so hungry that i ate a hole cake entirely to myself (Old Lunch), Friday, 20 December 2019 12:46 (four weeks ago) link

i get a lot of misdirected emails to my personal address and when I reply to say "you've got the wrong email address" the usual response is "well this is the one you/your colleague/Todd gave to me, which one am I supposed to use???"

― kinder, Friday, December 20, 2019 3:27 AM bookmarkflaglink

Lol "don't you tell me you're not the right person!" always blows my mind. i have a dude at work whose name is exactly the same as mine, sans three letters (first and last) so the same would sometimes happen to me.

So they'd email me when they wanted him and I'd say "you really mean this guy" and give them the right contact and they go WELL MY BOSS TOLD ME YOU WERE THE PERSON.

"I think i know who I am, athankyou"

Bublé in the changer, I wish I was dead (Neanderthal), Friday, 20 December 2019 19:32 (four weeks ago) link

You think. Which means you can't say for sure.

C'mon. Stop fuckin' with me, Neondirtpal.

i was so hungry that i ate a hole cake entirely to myself (Old Lunch), Friday, 20 December 2019 19:39 (four weeks ago) link

My boss is trying to convince my coworker to buy the business bc she wants to retire

She wants $250k

The company hasn’t made a profit in years

She has been loaning the business money each year for years

How does she think my coworker could get a loan to buy a unprofitable business?

just1n3, Friday, 20 December 2019 20:26 (four weeks ago) link

A couple weeks ago coworker told me she had a meeting set up with boss so she could present a business proposal (let coworker run the business for a year, split profits, pay boss a salary*, boss doesn’t have to do anything, see if coworker can make the business work before committing to purchase). Coworker is surprised bc boss says she also has a business proposal.

Coworker comes back from meeting and when I ask what boss’ proposal was she says 0_o boss suggested a new way of merchandising the stores 0_o

That was her bUsinESs pRopOsaL

*boss has not been paying herself a salary for years. We recently got audited.

just1n3, Friday, 20 December 2019 20:32 (four weeks ago) link

Boss has somehow kept this v badly run business afloat for 40 yrs
NB her side hustle is landlord to several properties in the Bay Area and New Zealand

just1n3, Friday, 20 December 2019 21:47 (four weeks ago) link

Some people have weird ass vanity businesses. it's so strange. I had a friend that asked if I would take her daytime shifts in a small, typical trendy boutique in the east village for two weeks ( I did not work there at all and supposedly the owner was fine with her asking whoever for two weeks). There were some days not a single person would come in. I think I sold 4 things the entire time I was there. The owner did not seem bothered.

Yerac, Friday, 20 December 2019 21:57 (four weeks ago) link

Oh my boss goes hard out with this business and is v invested in it, she’s just not good at it

just1n3, Friday, 20 December 2019 22:33 (four weeks ago) link

I know there are a myriad of reasons those businesses exist, especially ones that are very boutique and sell $$ over short periods to moneyed clients or are a hobby for a rich person, but my go-to thought is always money laundering

mh, Saturday, 21 December 2019 02:23 (four weeks ago) link

She could never work for anyone so she had to go into business for herself. She has a v scatterbrained approach to everything and constantly contradicts herself. The only reason she’s managed this long (apart from injecting more outside money into it every year) is bc we have little competition

just1n3, Saturday, 21 December 2019 05:41 (four weeks ago) link

I always think it's a money laundering front too. xpost

I always liked how Rice to Riches was set up to launder money and then it unexpectedly became a successful business. That was rice pudding was really good. I think there was a pizza place front in blyn too that unexpectedly became really popular too.

Yerac, Sunday, 22 December 2019 15:35 (three weeks ago) link

I did not know that about Rice to Riches.
Should've guessed something was dodgy; they serve COLD rice pudding.

kinder, Sunday, 22 December 2019 16:00 (three weeks ago) link

I only like cold rice pudding!

Yerac, Sunday, 22 December 2019 16:25 (three weeks ago) link

cold rice pudding is extremely common ime

insecurity bear (sic), Sunday, 22 December 2019 19:30 (three weeks ago) link

especially if not made at home, like nearly any Greek or Turkish or Lebanese takeaway place will have tubs of it in the drinks fridge to grab and go

insecurity bear (sic), Sunday, 22 December 2019 19:33 (three weeks ago) link

I'm like 94% convinced that our CEO is some sort of warlock who feeds on the cognitive capacity of anyone who works for or with us. As if my dumb ass alone isn't evidence of that theory.

― i was so hungry that i ate a hole cake entirely to myself (Old Lunch)

on december 19, 2019, old lunch discovered the secret of capitalism

Agnes Motörhead (rushomancy), Sunday, 22 December 2019 19:46 (three weeks ago) link

PLEASE stop your loud + impassioned discussion about the panoply of delicious foodstuffs on the McDonald's menu. PLEASE. Can you seriously not see my soul wrenching itself free from my body?

Drive Like a Demon From Steakhouse to Steakhouse (Old Lunch), Tuesday, 31 December 2019 16:05 (two weeks ago) link

moving to a new even-more-open office next week— like i think we’re just sitting next to each other at tables or something

stoked for the intimacy

mookieproof, Tuesday, 31 December 2019 16:58 (two weeks ago) link

I hate it. I hate it so, so much. Like I don't care what point I am in the process, if I'm ever interviewing for a different job and discover that they've been infected with this open office insanity I am OUT.

Drive Like a Demon From Steakhouse to Steakhouse (Old Lunch), Tuesday, 31 December 2019 17:02 (two weeks ago) link

And almost as if on cue, desk drumming begins from two rows behind me, with an unrestrained force + volume that might almost be comical under other circumstances.

How about instead of an open office we go for soundproofed cages. How about that.

Drive Like a Demon From Steakhouse to Steakhouse (Old Lunch), Tuesday, 31 December 2019 17:14 (two weeks ago) link

don't move to the UK, pretty much all offices are open offices. I've never worked in one that wasn't. at my current job not even the CEO has their own office. they just sit at a bank of desks next to the one my team sits at

Colonel Poo, Tuesday, 31 December 2019 17:19 (two weeks ago) link

I'm sure there are more interactive work circumstances where such a layout is beneficial and makes sense but a workspace where people are largely just trying to concentrate on their own shit while contending with a smattering of hosebeasts with inadequate self-control is not among those circumstances.

Drive Like a Demon From Steakhouse to Steakhouse (Old Lunch), Tuesday, 31 December 2019 17:29 (two weeks ago) link

I doubt it tbh. it's about cost-saving, not making work better. office space costs money

Colonel Poo, Tuesday, 31 December 2019 17:31 (two weeks ago) link

(Apologies, did not realize the antiquated slang term 'hosebeast' is apparently a gendered insult. Mine is an equal opportunity ire directed at anyone across the spectrum who logs into their work station and proceeds to behave as if they're at a foam party.)

Drive Like a Demon From Steakhouse to Steakhouse (Old Lunch), Tuesday, 31 December 2019 17:34 (two weeks ago) link

Came in today to teach a 13 person class..five showed up. Seems six of the eight no-shows were pulled from the class (with nobody telling us), two that were terminated (with nobody telling us).

The only reason we had two classes today was because mine was supposed to have 13. We could have just folded this into one class.

looking for Mon in Alderaan places (Neanderthal), Tuesday, 31 December 2019 20:11 (two weeks ago) link

So the class is now down to two people because they found out four of the six had already taken the class (how nobody figured this out before now is beyond me). Two is below the minimum requirements for a class.

looking for Mon in Alderaan places (Neanderthal), Thursday, 2 January 2020 17:41 (two weeks ago) link

The only reason I'm salty about it is it's 8 hours of talking, but if they'd told us in advance, we could have had one class and two of us could have shared it, giving me a break now and then.

Also who schedules training around New Years ffs

looking for Mon in Alderaan places (Neanderthal), Thursday, 2 January 2020 17:45 (two weeks ago) link

moving to a new even-more-open office next week — like i think we’re just sitting next to each other at tables or something

fucking loud in here, and not because anyone in particular is being loud, but just that there are so many people and so little to absorb the sound

at least there's free selzer on tap i guess

mookieproof, Monday, 6 January 2020 21:35 (one week ago) link

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FUCK OFF EPIC GAMES.

Stoop Crone (Trayce), Tuesday, 7 January 2020 09:26 (one week ago) link

...sorry this was better for the missent email thread I guess lol

Stoop Crone (Trayce), Tuesday, 7 January 2020 09:26 (one week ago) link

sending out emails with a Keep Calm and Carry On theme, what year is this?

koogs, Tuesday, 7 January 2020 11:23 (one week ago) link

where does neighboring co-worker refusing to use a mousepad rank on the list of crimes?

CLACK.... CLACK... CLAAAAACK

a Mets fan who gave up on everything in the mid '80s (Dr Morbius), Tuesday, 14 January 2020 17:22 (four days ago) link

I don't think I've seen a mousepad in about 15 years, do they even exist any more??

Colonel Poo, Tuesday, 14 January 2020 17:23 (four days ago) link

Deicide sells one

papa stank (Neanderthal), Tuesday, 14 January 2020 17:26 (four days ago) link

I'm using a mousepad right now - its filthy

| (Latham Green), Tuesday, 14 January 2020 17:33 (four days ago) link

Someone was trimming their nails in a bathroom stall this morning. Whether fingers or toes, I couldn't say, but at this point I just assume whatever makes the least goddamn sense.

Pizza is Really Yummy for Me (Old Lunch), Tuesday, 14 January 2020 17:39 (four days ago) link

so ppl just scrape the mouse on their desks all day? what a world.

a Mets fan who gave up on everything in the mid '80s (Dr Morbius), Tuesday, 14 January 2020 17:42 (four days ago) link

I actually use a little blackboard for a mousepad, and have a little tiny nail affixed to the bottom of my mouse. Works beautifully!

Pizza is Really Yummy for Me (Old Lunch), Tuesday, 14 January 2020 17:46 (four days ago) link

i have a mousepad with a picture of a puppy on it and i have a cordless mouse. much better mouse situation than in any of my previous jobs

bidenfan69420 (jim in vancouver), Tuesday, 14 January 2020 17:47 (four days ago) link

sorry bit big there

it's after the end of the world (Matt #2), Tuesday, 14 January 2020 17:50 (four days ago) link

I use the trackpad cos i have a lapper

papa stank (Neanderthal), Tuesday, 14 January 2020 17:51 (four days ago) link

Jesus Christ thats huge!

| (Latham Green), Tuesday, 14 January 2020 17:53 (four days ago) link

Thanks I use Extenz

papa stank (Neanderthal), Tuesday, 14 January 2020 17:58 (four days ago) link

lol, stop

Pizza is Really Yummy for Me (Old Lunch), Tuesday, 14 January 2020 17:59 (four days ago) link

Tho at first for some reason I thought it was the mark of the Empire from STar War

| (Latham Green), Tuesday, 14 January 2020 18:56 (four days ago) link


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