Let's bitch about our stupid, annoying co-workers

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Girl I work with is chatting to a male customer in friendly fashion as she serves him. He leaves, then me and her have this conversation.

Annoying Girl: "I hope people don't get the wrong idea!"
Me: "Eh?"
AG: "About me and the guy. I hope people don't start thinking we're going out, just because I'm friendly to him when he comes in."
Me: "Eh, I don't think people will assume that."
AG: "You don't think the bosses would fire me for it? You know, for being too friendly with the customers?"
Me: "Eh, no." (Thinking: Christ Almighty!)
AG: "I'm really worried now. They wouldn't fire me for it, would they?"
Me: "I doubt it."

A few minutes pass...

AG: "I'm still really worried. They wouldn't fire me, would they?"
Me: "NO!" (Thinking: leave me alone, you neurotic freak!)

Then this crazy elderly man, a regular customer, comes in. He was in a car accident which left him, (how shall I put this?), barking mad. He thinks he's a real estate owner, and I'm one of his tenants, despite the fact that he asks me for money for tobacco every time he comes in. He proceeds to tell the annoying girl about all the houses he owns, and how I am one of his tenants etc, etc, while drooling and smelling terrible! He leaves.

AG: (genuinely) "Was that true, what he was saying?"
Me: "Oh my, no."
AG: "It could have been..."
Me: "I'm pretty sure it wasn't" (Thinking: Christ! I think I'd know if I was one of his tenants!)
AG: "Appearances can be deceptive..."
Me: "No, I'm pretty sure he's barking mad."
AG: "But-"
Me: "NO!"

It was a long day at work. I feel better now I've got it off my chest! Now it's your turn to bitch.

What makes it even more irritating is that she's a very NICE person. No harm in her at all, just really annoying and stupid. So I feel bad for bitching about her, yet I am compelled to do so!

― weasel diesel (K1l14n), Thursday, 28 November 2002 22:19 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

One of the managers at the petrol station once called me outside for a smoke and to talk to me, it was a bit like the Warden Norton/Tommy scene in Shawshank Redemption.

Boss:"Ronan could you comb your hair next time you come to work"

Me:"eh in fairness the contract doesn't say anything about me having to comb my hair"

Boss:"yeah but I mean you're a student now yeah? this job isn't so bad. they look after you well, it's a good wage, I'm happy with my lot"

Me:"I don't think there's any chance of me ever working here for a living, long term"

Boss:"Yeah and they pay your health insurance, it's not too difficult a job either"

Me:"Yeah no I'm never going to want to work here, to be honest I was planning on quitting as soon as I start college, or maybe even sooner, you needn't tell the main boss that"

Boss:"Oh don't worry, whatever is discussed here stays here. *long David Brent style lecture* I know what it's like to work WITH people and AROUND people, and I know that this station is not being run as effectively as possible, it's a clique, and I'm sure you can see that too Ronan. But quitting isn't going to change that. You quitting will not make this a smoother operation.

Me:"Eh I don't care about this job, I'm not sure what your point is"

Boss:"All I'm saying is, think about what I've said to you yeah? Just think about it"

Me:"............ok"

― Ronan (Ronan), Thursday, 28 November 2002 22:45 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

Is it only DCU students who work with stupid, annoying people?

― DV (dirtyvicar), Thursday, 28 November 2002 23:50 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

no, its anyone who has ever worked in bars with no-neck, arrogant-for-no-reason wankers, with no brain function other than the tiny amount required to raise a beer to their filthy mouths after a shift.

― donna (donna), Friday, 29 November 2002 04:26 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

Hurrah for it is the last day of the CompulsiveEatingBurpingCulotteWearingTactlessJollyCoWorker today!!! What will hopefully be my last annoying conversation with her happened first thing on Wednesday morning:

CEBCWTJCW: Morning Rachel!!! Oooh! What have you done to your NOSE??

Me: What? Oh yeah, it's a spot.

CEBCWTJCW: No! You've cut yourself or something! It's really RED.

Me: No, really, it's just a big, shiny, noticeable spot.

CEBCWTJCW: It looks really BAD!

At this point I gave up all hope of having a good day.

― Archel (Archel), Friday, 29 November 2002 09:17 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

Day one at my new job.

Woman At Next Desk: Oh, you used to live in London? So did I. I moved back after my daughter started school and, to be honest, I'm really glad I did. The education you get in London is terrible.

Madchen: I've heard inner city schools are, er, challenging.

WAND: Oh yes. I mean, she was one of only three white faces in the class.

Madchen: Oh. (Mutters something under her breath about 1 in 4 Scots).

― Madchen (Madchen), Friday, 29 November 2002 09:26 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

My co-worker Oh, I'm not being funny.... but could you only buy your lunch from the shop across the road from now on? When you go anywhere else it takes too long. Maybe you should bring a pack up from home.

Me (in my head): No, fuck off you food fascist. You're the one who is consistantly 15 minutes late back from lunch every day, and I know I'll spend the last hour of the day sitting around doing nothing listening to you go on and on and on so it's not like we're really busy. And God, just never speak to me again!

Me (in reality): Yeah, no problem.

― Madeleine (Madeleine), Friday, 29 November 2002 10:29 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

Maddie, immediately invent an obscure food allergy that REQUIRES you to go to a different shop! Oh , and then KILL HER.

― Archel (Archel), Friday, 29 November 2002 10:50 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

haha, madchen, fuck you! ;)

― dwh (dwh), Friday, 29 November 2002 10:52 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

What the hell? Why, precisely, was that necessary, dwh? Christ on a bike.

― Liz :x (Liz :x), Friday, 29 November 2002 10:57 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

Maddie, your co-worker is EVIL. There's only one place you should go for an off-site lunch and that's THE PUB!

― robster (robster), Friday, 29 November 2002 10:58 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

Rule 2858 in a series of obscure rules:

Office twats who preface statements with 'I'm not being funny' should recognise that everything following the phrase comes with its own virtual kill file.

My other suggestion would be to canvass other coworkers for a pizza delivery one Friday and exclude her blatantly.

― suzy (suzy), Friday, 29 November 2002 11:10 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

I want to invent a food allergy but then I'd be like her! She's allergic to garlic, alcohol, traffic fumes, manmade fibres, "still air" (this means we have the fan on in the winter so the air circulates and her eyes don't "gum up"), some other stuff that I forgot and, of course, EVER DOING ANY WORK. She is allergic to getting off her arse, I fear.

And the "I'm not being funny/I'm not having a go/I don't want you to take this the wrong way...." rule. I reckon if you have to start a sentence with any of these statements, you shouldn't be saying the sentence at all!

― Madeleine (Madeleine), Friday, 29 November 2002 11:30 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

Oh, and I can't canvass others to share food. There's only me and her in the whole shop. And when it's quiet she talks to me like we're friends but we're not. It's all very unfortunate.

― Madeleine (Madeleine), Friday, 29 November 2002 11:32 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

Haha 'still air'????

― Archel (Archel), Friday, 29 November 2002 11:37 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

This stupid stupid woman sent every single person here an email saying that she left 60 centimes in the coffee machine and asking for whoever finds it to bring it to her office. What a scrooge!

― Miss Laura, Friday, 29 November 2002 11:58 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

it wasn't sincere, liz, it was just a grumble about the allegation that 1/4 of scots are racist, y'know. the 'haha' was meant to temper it, sorry.

― dwh (dwh), Friday, 29 November 2002 12:39 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

Allegation? My personal experience is this:

I work in a room with two people. Person 1 said to me all the stuff I wrote above. She thought nothing of saying it to a stranger (the assumption, I guess, being that I would think the same). Person 2 laughed along merrily. Also, I have come across numerous people in Glasgow who tell me they get scared in London because there are so many black people around. Again, the way they express themselves implies they feel no sense of shame whatsoever - they just don't see there's anything wrong in expressing obviously prejudiced opinions.

I'm not denying for a second that racism doesn't exist elsewhere (and I'm not forgetting that the survey found 3 in 4 Scots aren't racist) but this is the only place I've encountered bigots who have the expectation that my opinion must be the same as theirs.

― Madchen (Madchen), Friday, 29 November 2002 13:17 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

Try the deli counter at S**n**ury's. I get so many customers who expect me to agree with their racist opinions simply because I am white. Twats.

― alix (alix), Friday, 29 November 2002 17:42 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

e-mail from my boss: "when I came in on Monday, the Threepenny Opera files were not online. I expect that when I assign a task that it will be completed. Don't let this happen in the future."

reply from me: "actually, on Friday we both determined that we had the wrong CD and would have to special order a new copy. On Monday."

reply from my boss: "There must have been some miscommunication here."

yeah, between your ears and your brain. moron!

― Dave M. (rotten03), Friday, 29 November 2002 17:56 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

Suzy, you aren't generalising wildly enough: yes, anyone who says "I'm not being funny, but" is best punched, hard and often, but this applies to most other sentences on the "I'm not being [X], but" model. X=racist obviously means "I am a loathsome racist", most obviously and clearly. Try 'sexist' or 'nasty' too.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Friday, 29 November 2002 19:18 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

Happily I've been blessed with a slew of great co-workers. I will say that some years back the news that someone was departing from our neck of the woods to go elsewhere was greeted with quiet relief, though.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 29 November 2002 19:30 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

Maddy, if she's your boss and only other co-worker then it sounds like she needs you more than you need her. POINTEDLY go to other shops to get your lunch. I say ignore the instruction.

― suzy (suzy), Friday, 29 November 2002 22:55 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

Annoying Coworker: Yes, well, that account would be able to fund your entity if you hadn't taken money from it without telling me.
Me: What?
Annoying Coworker: (holds up wire) See? $147,000 from my account.
Me: No, we gave you money.
Annoying Coworker WHO GETS PAID LOTS MORE THAN ME: NO YOU DID NOT. I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't write wires without telling me in the future.
Me: Did you look at this? You account is on the credit side. Management (nb: my account) is on the debit side!
Annoying Coworker: Whatever, just don't do it again.

What the fuck?

― Ally (mlescaut), Saturday, 30 November 2002 06:50 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

one month passes...

We've got two new people here this year - one of whom is very cool and I hardly see, so we get along really well. The other one, though - a nightmare. She's the epitome of simpering little girl-ness, speaks to me (and most everyone else) as though I'm a retarded child when in fact I've been doing the job that she's just begun (and is completely incompetent at, I might add) for 12 years. She's one of those people who has never met anyone as fascinating as herself in all of her born days and if she doesn't calm down, stop being a stupid bitch and stop second guessing every word I say to her, I will hit her in the head with a brick.

― luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 14 January 2003 19:26 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

The receptionist keeps telling everyone she's going through post partum depression.

Despite the fact that she's obviously still pregnant.

― Ally (mlescaut), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 02:47 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

My head hurts.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 02:49 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

How about the dumbass cockfarmer that came into the library coughing and sneezing in such an ostentatious way it's like he intentionally planned a big Outbreak scenario? Now I'm at home running a fever and I think I might have bronchitis again.

― Nicole (Nicole), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 02:49 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

Hm. Find him and kill him.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 02:51 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

I was depressed about being unemployed until I saw this thread. Thank you everyone. :)

― fractal (fractal), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 03:06 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

I was also informed that I wasn't authorized to approve payment on technological items.

However, I AM authorized to purchase them, however I want, whenever I want.

What does that even mean?

― Ally (mlescaut), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 03:13 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

It means you got the kingdom, you got the key. Order yourself everything you ever wanted and don't share.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 03:16 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

people should post more on this thread. i like it.

― Maria (Maria), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 04:23 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

What follows is an email that was sent to some friends last spring, after a particularly bad morning with co-workers.

SUBJECT LINE: I gotta get outta this place
...if it's the last thing I ever do (feel free to hum along.)

After a delightful morning spent discussing why someone:
1. Shouldn't open a printer paperfeed drawer, while the printer is printing;
2. Shouldn't send emails to everyone on their mailing lists about Church-related emails;
3. Should let others know when they need the printer instead of deleting documents in the queue;
4. Shouldn't tell someone "this is urgent" so they work really late to get it finished, when really, it isn't urgent at all and in fact, doesn't need to be done at all; and
5. Shouldn't take someone else's lunch from the refrigerator and leave it on the counter to make room for "extra drinks in case we have visitors,"
I have now experienced the conversation to top them all (and really, you have to laugh at this one. I did. Once I calmed down, imbibed chocolate and nicotine, and thought "well, at least it's not quantum physics?). So....here it is:

A Dialogue between "M" (yours truly) and "S" (Otherwise known as Scarett/Princess/Arch Nemesis/The Scarf Lady/etc.)
S: Hey "M"!
M: Yes?
S: You know how to work that digital camera yet?
M: Yeah, figured it out last week.
S: How long does it take to get those photos developed?
M: What?
S: I need some photos really fast, so I can photocopy them and make notes on the back. And get duplicates too, in case they get messed-up.
M: What? What pictures do you need taken?
S: I need to you take pictures of my computer.
M: Why?
S: I need to know what's on my computer.
M: (sigh) You are looking for a file?
S: No, I need to know what is on my screen thing.
M: (dawning awareness) You need screen captures?
S: No, I need pictures of my computer.
M: For....?
S: I need to know what's on my screen, 'cause these instructions don't make sense and I want to make notes.
M: Okay, then you need a picture of the information on your screen, that you can print and add notes to?
S: Yes.
M: Okay, we don't need the camera for that. We can just do screen captures. It's easy.
(M walks over to other office, taking deep and soothing breathes all the while, and explains how to "CTRL+ALT+PrtScn" - runs into trouble with explanation of holding down all keys at the same time. Eventually resolved and screen is captured.)
M: Now open Word and set the page to ?Landscape.?
S: My computer won't do that.
M: What? Yes it will.
(M goes through brief discussion of "portrait" vs "landscape" and how to perform operation in Word. Discovers part of problem is that S doesn?t know how to open Word because the icon isn?t on her desktop.)
M: Now just hit "Shift+Insert" and your screen shot will be inserted.
M: No, you need to hold down both keys at the same time.
M: I don't know, that's just the way the program is designed.
M: Yeah, it is find of frustrating.
M: Okay, now you have it. Just insert a new page for each of the next screen captures and then print the file.
(M returns to own desk and gets back into rhythm of formatting proposal.)
S: M! It isn't working. I want you to take the pictures for me.
M: I don't have time to take the pictures right now, I have to get this back to _____.
S: Well, I don't have the time to use the camera, so I guess this won't get done and _____ will be mad.
M: Yeah, I guess ___ will be mad, but I'll explain the problem to him.
S: Can't you do these thingys for me?
M: No, not right now. I have to get this done.
S: You know, it's your job to do this.
M: No, actually it isn't. I am sorry, but I really can't do it right now. If I have time later I'll come over and see what we can do. In the meantime, why don't you look under the "Help" menu to see if those instructions are better.
S: Oh, my computer doesn't have any "Help" on it. I keep telling ____ he needs to fix it, but he won't.

(M decides, for sake of sanity, to not try and figure out what that last comment means and returns to her editing, swearing all the while.)
End of original email.

And here are additional interesting tidbits about ?S?:
She claimed on her resume to be ?Microsoft Certified,? but was unable to explain what that meant;
She wrote all of her correspondence in Excel, because she didn?t know how to open Word (the icon wasn?t on her desktop);
When she came into work each morning, she made herself a pot of tea and sat in her cubicle reading household decorating magazines and drinking tea for the first two hours: and, best of all
She was once asked to provide a file that she had finished working on to another co-worker. The file was not on her hard drive for, as she explained, she ?didn?t want to fill it up with things? (and it was a 20 G HD!) File was eventually determined, by her, to be on a floppy. But floppy was blank when co-worker opened it. Eventually ?S? showed supervisor where she stored all of her floppys containing important info. She was attaching them to the metal parts of her cubicle with large magnets, so she ?could always find them.?

~ Laura (who is thankful that she can claim to be a happy rat, that abandoned the sinking ship in time to move to a much cushier and affluent ship, and is now ridiculously happy with things)

― LCD (Ms Laura), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 05:13 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

She was once asked to provide a file that she had finished working on to another co-worker. The file was not on her hard drive for, as she explained, she "didn't want to fill it up with things" (and it was a 20 G HD!)

I've met a few people who have done basic "computer literacy" courses at colleges and Adult Ed. places who do this. What seems to happen is: the college says "don't store your files on the hard drive [of our lab computers], use a floppy" and the person absorbs this without understanding *why* they're being told it.

These sort of courses always seem to produce people who can't do anything except exactly what was on the course, and then only if their computer is set up exactly like the college ones were. Hence, not being able to start Word if it doesn't have a desktop icon.

(of course, the other stuff shows that this person seems to be a fuckwit regardless of that)

― caitlin (caitlin), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 10:49 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

Laura, that's fantastic.

The ex-receptionist at my office once printed out an email so she could type it up in Word.

― Alfie (Alfie), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 11:02 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

is that why she's an ex-receptionist?

― MarkH (MarkH), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 11:30 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

awwwwww, usually this stuff would make me mad, but today i want to find them all and help them and give them tea.

it's a sappy day.

― g-kit (g-kit), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 11:42 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

Heh, you'd think so wouldn't you. In actual fact, it wasn't until she went on holiday for 6 weeks and nobody noticed her absence that it became the MD realised that we could do without her.

― Alfie (Alfie), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 11:48 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

sounds familiar - we had a Communications Executive who never did any communicating.

― MarkH (MarkH), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 11:54 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

We also had an account executive who used to wander around the office to kill time. He had this time-consuming trick of getting up from his desk and finding a bin in another part of the building to throw his litter into (rather than the bin under his desk). Another trick was to go down to the fax machine to send a fax, return to his desk, wait a couple of minutes and then return to the fax machine to collect the piece of paper.

― Alfie (Alfie), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 12:00 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

One of my new colleagues is, to all intents and purposes, Jade. I quote:

1. "What does agriculture mean?"

2. "I was so annoyed. Someone threw themselves under my tube yesterday. People that do that must be mad."

3. Me: "Just tell them to put the web address in and it will take them straight into the site."

Her: "What address? Their address?"

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 12:06 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

I can't decide whether to post this to the annoying colleague or the B.O. thread, so I'm going to post it to both! Anyhow, in one office where I worked we had a guy with a B.O. problem and the managers had to have words with him in private on a couple of occasions. And yes, on those rare occasions when my sinuses were clear (one day in seventeen approx) it was quite annoying and offensive to me. However, it was NOT NEARLY AS ANNOYING AND OFFENSIVE as the colleague who used to go on and on about it all the bloody time whenever the guy with the problem walked out of the room! Not only that, but as soon as he left she used to reach for the can of air freshener which she kept on her desk *specially* and spray about a litre of it about the place! So instead of an office smelling of sweat we had an office reeking of air freshener!

― MarkH (MarkH), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 13:58 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

Mailroom guy who looks like a troglodyte - "I wanted 'digical'[pronounced thus] TV cuz I don't have enough channels! They were supposed to install it on Friday but they didn't - the whole weekend I had nuthin' to do! I was really looking forward to it too!"

― dave q, Wednesday, 15 January 2003 14:21 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

i don't want to help any of those people, though. far too annoying. the previous lot were quite sweet.

― g-kit (g-kit), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 14:45 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

I pretty much get along with my immediate co-workers, and none of them are so annoying that I can't tune them out. However, I once shared an office with a foot fetishist. No kidding; he was friggin' profiled in the Village Voice about it, and was completely calm and collected when I mentioned "so I saw the Voice today..."! I guess we all have our private interests, but we don't all alert the press about it!

Other things he did: worked at his cube standing up (making everyone around him very tense), unbuttoned his shirts halfway down his chest, commented on every phone conversation I had (work related or not), talked to himself, and played horrible CD-Rs of cabaret tunes he wrote and produced. I think the whole experience inoculated me against ever being annoyed by co-workers again.

― mike a (mike a), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 16:14 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

Okay, here's another example from today. We had a sales rep come in to demo a software package/online service that provides journal content. Anyhoo, I did a sample search, and one of the citations that got brought up was from an Ethiopian journal. She said (in all seriousness): "Wow! I didn't think that Ethiopians even had any paper, let alone journals!"

Unfortunately something this stupid is uttered in my office at least once a day...

― Nicole (Nicole), Thursday, 16 January 2003 03:26 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

The amount of coworkers you've killed in your head must make quite the body count.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 16 January 2003 03:54 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

You have no idea. Entire populations have been erased.

― Nicole (Nicole), Thursday, 16 January 2003 03:56 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

"As the final screams echoed away into caverns of oblivion, Nicole turned off her death rays and rubbed her chin thoughtfully. 'Should I have used so much napalm?'"

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 16 January 2003 03:57 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

Skipping 8888 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

you would be surprised!
https://www.sec.gov/litigation/suspensions.shtml

― mh, Friday, 7 June 2019 20:06 (two weeks ago) Permalink

wait, I take that back -- it was likely a trading halt, which is different and even more common

― mh, Friday, 7 June 2019 20:06 (two weeks ago) Permalink

My colleague was reprimanded by HR for ignoring the rules: she always takes days off on weekends (busiest days). Lol. I laugh but it results in more work for me. Grrrr.

― nathom, Sunday, 9 June 2019 19:07 (two weeks ago) Permalink

coffee in one hand, suddenly remember that you need your pass to get through the security gates and start scrabbling for it in your pocket with your free hand. maybe don't do this whilst INSIDE the revolving doors.

― koogs, Tuesday, 11 June 2019 08:47 (two weeks ago) Permalink

an incident has erupted after someone wrote a page on the work wiki which says at the top "THIS IS A DRAFT - PLEASE ADD COMMENTS, CORRECTIONS, ETC." and someone edited it

oh no, now page editor #2 has left the room and everyone else is being asked for opinions i.e. to take sides

― a passing spacecadet, Tuesday, 11 June 2019 11:27 (two weeks ago) Permalink

you did the right thing in going online

― maffew12, Tuesday, 11 June 2019 11:41 (two weeks ago) Permalink

I was just enjoying the swing from "please edit this page" to "how dare anyone edit this page"

a distraction has been found in the form of something else to get wound up about, fortunately (?)

― a passing spacecadet, Tuesday, 11 June 2019 12:06 (two weeks ago) Permalink

what to get for lunch?

― maffew12, Tuesday, 11 June 2019 12:09 (two weeks ago) Permalink

A new contender emerges.

Taking a full mug of tea/coffee/hot beverage into the toilet cubicle with you to drink during your morning dump.

(These are the worst office toilets I've ever come across mind, one day the whole room was painted in watery hangover vomit and another the toilet seat was covered in what I can only assume was the remains of someone shaving their pubic hair off. Last week someone did the world's longest toothbrushing, all the time standing over a urinal.)

― Elitist cheese photos (aldo), Thursday, 20 June 2019 07:03 (six days ago) Permalink

oh no

― godfellaz (darraghmac), Thursday, 20 June 2019 08:26 (six days ago) Permalink

Oh yes. They were a slurper.

― Elitist cheese photos (aldo), Thursday, 20 June 2019 10:23 (six days ago) Permalink

deeply upsetting post

― RUSSIA’S SEXIEST POKER STAR ELECTROCUTED BY HAIRDRYER (bizarro gazzara), Thursday, 20 June 2019 10:25 (six days ago) Permalink

They also did the "... ah!" after every slurp.

― Elitist cheese photos (aldo), Thursday, 20 June 2019 10:32 (six days ago) Permalink

please stop

― RUSSIA’S SEXIEST POKER STAR ELECTROCUTED BY HAIRDRYER (bizarro gazzara), Thursday, 20 June 2019 10:33 (six days ago) Permalink

That's what I was thinking at the time.

― Elitist cheese photos (aldo), Thursday, 20 June 2019 10:43 (six days ago) Permalink

A puddle of urine slowly accumulates on the floor in front of the urinals in my office. Every. Single. Day.

Workplace restrooms are perhaps the strongest refutation of mankind as a civilized species.

― Morrie Antoilette (Old Lunch), Thursday, 20 June 2019 11:55 (six days ago) Permalink

[reels from thread with eyes streaming, staggers blindly away, careening from the walls]

― an incoherent crustacean (MatthewK), Thursday, 20 June 2019 12:24 (six days ago) Permalink

Maybe they are still under the impression that urine helps in case of jellyfish stings.

― Yerac, Thursday, 20 June 2019 13:28 (six days ago) Permalink

Oh yes. They were a slurper.

i was relieved this was in reference to the coffee drinker.

― Mad Piratical (The Cursed Return of the Dastardly Thermo Thinwall), Thursday, 20 June 2019 20:36 (six days ago) Permalink

i hope to god that was in reference to the coffee drinker.

― Mad Piratical (The Cursed Return of the Dastardly Thermo Thinwall), Thursday, 20 June 2019 20:36 (six days ago) Permalink

Morrie Antoilette (Old Lunch) at 7:55 20 Jun 19

Workplace restrooms are perhaps the strongest refutation of mankind as a civilized species.

I'm pretty upset about the number of people I've see blaze right past me out of a stall and straight out the door, bypassing the sink entirely. Intelligent people. Effective people. People with salaries that double mine. Straight out of the shitter and back to work, rubbing their hands on every door handle as they go. Maybe I'm the one who's doing it wrong!

― ☮ (peace, man), Thursday, 20 June 2019 20:48 (six days ago) Permalink

there's one dude in my work who does that. does make more than me, also from money

― findom haddie (jim in vancouver), Thursday, 20 June 2019 20:49 (six days ago) Permalink

it's an alpha move, guys

― Number None, Thursday, 20 June 2019 21:34 (six days ago) Permalink

i do wash my hands but i balance it out by wiping my ass on the door handles

― RUSSIA’S SEXIEST POKER STAR ELECTROCUTED BY HAIRDRYER (bizarro gazzara), Thursday, 20 June 2019 21:37 (six days ago) Permalink

well you must be
an acrobat
to talk like this
and act like that

― mookieproof, Thursday, 20 June 2019 22:50 (six days ago) Permalink

Is this a guy thing? Ive rarely seen ladies toilets in the disgusting savage state you guys describe here, but even at my work, twice emails have had to go out chiding the males in the office because of the state of the toilets (someone did the puke-painting here, too, apparently. Prob after a heavy work drinks session).

― Stoop Crone (Trayce), Thursday, 20 June 2019 23:29 (six days ago) Permalink

Is this a guy thing?

it is maybe THE guy thing of guy things. Nearly all public men’s restrooms are covered with piss, it’s fucking insane.

― i will never make a typo ever again (Karl Malone), Thursday, 20 June 2019 23:44 (six days ago) Permalink

In 2016 I was about a week into a new job with approx 3/20 male/female ratio in that department, when they had to call an all-female conference for the floor to explain to staff that the daily state of the ladies' loos was a health hazard

― quelle sprocket damage (sic), Thursday, 20 June 2019 23:50 (six days ago) Permalink

Nearly all public men’s restrooms are covered with piss, it’s fucking insane.

public bathrooms yes, though. on many occasions I have spent longer wiping down enough surfaces in a pub or nightclub cubicle to use it than I have spent using it

― quelle sprocket damage (sic), Thursday, 20 June 2019 23:52 (six days ago) Permalink

used to work at a place where the wall above the urinal was covered in a crust of picked boogers that was never cleaned up, all i assume from the same guy (i didn't test the evidence). i never talked to anyone about it because i had no idea who it could have been. there were a lot of prime suspects.

― omar little, Friday, 21 June 2019 00:00 (five days ago) Permalink

having worked for years in a bookstore with a public bathroom i can assure you that both men and women are absolute fucking savages

piss splatter is a guy thing, yes, but smearing shit on the walls is surprisingly universal

― mookieproof, Friday, 21 June 2019 02:29 (five days ago) Permalink

pretty sure that whoever stashed turds behind books in the children's section was a guy tho

― mookieproof, Friday, 21 June 2019 02:31 (five days ago) Permalink

Oh boy, public restrooms! That's where I'm a diseased animal!

― Morrie Antoilette (Old Lunch), Friday, 21 June 2019 02:39 (five days ago) Permalink

Women's bathrooms can be worse because they tend to hover rather than sit down to pee, and that makes it as bad as the men's.

― nickn, Friday, 21 June 2019 04:28 (five days ago) Permalink

yes, but men tend to get distracted and walk around the room checking their email, peeing everywhere

― i will never make a typo ever again (Karl Malone), Friday, 21 June 2019 04:45 (five days ago) Permalink

And every men's toilets has a door that opens inwards, so you have to touch the filthy handle which every disgusting savage who hasn't washed their hands has already fondled. At least if there are paper towels you can use them for a prophylactic layer.

― And according to some websites, there were “sexcapades.” (James Morrison), Friday, 21 June 2019 05:47 (five days ago) Permalink

in at least half of my workplaces over the years weve had phantom floorshitters/wallsmearers and its has always been women, but in general the mens loos are in consistently worse state

in my new book about dating i

― godfellaz (darraghmac), Friday, 21 June 2019 06:35 (five days ago) Permalink

I cant say I have ever seen shit smeared on walls/floors what is wrong with people.

― Stoop Crone (Trayce), Friday, 21 June 2019 06:55 (five days ago) Permalink

In a former workplace (the civil service no less) there would be a complaint about shit smearing in the ladies every other month, never the mens from memory.

― Elitist cheese photos (aldo), Friday, 21 June 2019 07:47 (five days ago) Permalink

used to work at a place where the wall above the urinal was covered in a crust of picked boogers that was never cleaned up

Had the same at my work. A snotter collection that gradually expanded for a couple of years before it got wiped.

― Eyeball Kicks, Friday, 21 June 2019 09:23 (five days ago) Permalink

Someone wrote below a similar collection in a cubicle at a previous employer: "To whoever picks their nose and wipes it on the toilet wall: You are an ANIMAL"

― The Pingularity (ledge), Friday, 21 June 2019 09:41 (five days ago) Permalink

the three-floor flood we had at one workplace was traced to someone blocking the plughole with tissues and leaving the taps running in the woman's bathroom. which seems a hard thing to do by accident.

we also had someone who blocked a bathroom sink with the remains of his noodle dinner. (it was one of those sinks with a plunger thing instead of an actual plug, how he managed to get all the noodles into the tiny gap is beyond me)

― koogs, Friday, 21 June 2019 11:22 (five days ago) Permalink

Probably not udon

― Elitist cheese photos (aldo), Friday, 21 June 2019 11:43 (five days ago) Permalink

udon know what people are capable of

ah ffs xp

― godfellaz (darraghmac), Friday, 21 June 2019 11:43 (five days ago) Permalink

I withdraw in favour of your pun

― Elitist cheese photos (aldo), Friday, 21 June 2019 11:44 (five days ago) Permalink

The people I work with are predominantly young and educated in an urban setting. A few weeks ago, during the workday, someone pooped on the floor in the women’s restroom. Not even in a stall. I tried to get Facilities to check security camera footage to examine comings and going from just before the person who reported it went in, but nobody was as interested in finding the culprit as I was. The mystery will never be solved, I have so many questions.

― beard papa, Saturday, 22 June 2019 17:09 (four days ago) Permalink

If you did find the culprit, would you have a heart-to-heart chat with them about floor shitting?

― Mario Meatwagon (Moodles), Saturday, 22 June 2019 17:27 (four days ago) Permalink

floor shitting is a key component of the annual performance review

― mookieproof, Saturday, 22 June 2019 17:32 (four days ago) Permalink

I know I have posted about the floor/toilet seat shitter who brought in cups of water and made the entire stall each time she used it. Everyone knew who it was. The cleaning woman knew who it was. We think she was doing a makeshift bidet in there. It was impossible to not know who it was since the bathroom only had 2 stalls in each one. I called HR about it. They approached her, she denied it. Nothing could be done about it because, you know, no one was in the stall with her to see it.

― Yerac, Saturday, 22 June 2019 17:50 (four days ago) Permalink

ugh "made the entire stall wet each time she used it".

― Yerac, Saturday, 22 June 2019 17:50 (four days ago) Permalink

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