Let's bitch about our stupid, annoying co-workers

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Girl I work with is chatting to a male customer in friendly fashion as she serves him. He leaves, then me and her have this conversation.

Annoying Girl: "I hope people don't get the wrong idea!"
Me: "Eh?"
AG: "About me and the guy. I hope people don't start thinking we're going out, just because I'm friendly to him when he comes in."
Me: "Eh, I don't think people will assume that."
AG: "You don't think the bosses would fire me for it? You know, for being too friendly with the customers?"
Me: "Eh, no." (Thinking: Christ Almighty!)
AG: "I'm really worried now. They wouldn't fire me for it, would they?"
Me: "I doubt it."

A few minutes pass...

AG: "I'm still really worried. They wouldn't fire me, would they?"
Me: "NO!" (Thinking: leave me alone, you neurotic freak!)

Then this crazy elderly man, a regular customer, comes in. He was in a car accident which left him, (how shall I put this?), barking mad. He thinks he's a real estate owner, and I'm one of his tenants, despite the fact that he asks me for money for tobacco every time he comes in. He proceeds to tell the annoying girl about all the houses he owns, and how I am one of his tenants etc, etc, while drooling and smelling terrible! He leaves.

AG: (genuinely) "Was that true, what he was saying?"
Me: "Oh my, no."
AG: "It could have been..."
Me: "I'm pretty sure it wasn't" (Thinking: Christ! I think I'd know if I was one of his tenants!)
AG: "Appearances can be deceptive..."
Me: "No, I'm pretty sure he's barking mad."
AG: "But-"
Me: "NO!"

It was a long day at work. I feel better now I've got it off my chest! Now it's your turn to bitch.

What makes it even more irritating is that she's a very NICE person. No harm in her at all, just really annoying and stupid. So I feel bad for bitching about her, yet I am compelled to do so!

weasel diesel (K1l14n), Thursday, 28 November 2002 22:19 (seventeen years ago) link

One of the managers at the petrol station once called me outside for a smoke and to talk to me, it was a bit like the Warden Norton/Tommy scene in Shawshank Redemption.

Boss:"Ronan could you comb your hair next time you come to work"

Me:"eh in fairness the contract doesn't say anything about me having to comb my hair"

Boss:"yeah but I mean you're a student now yeah? this job isn't so bad. they look after you well, it's a good wage, I'm happy with my lot"

Me:"I don't think there's any chance of me ever working here for a living, long term"

Boss:"Yeah and they pay your health insurance, it's not too difficult a job either"

Me:"Yeah no I'm never going to want to work here, to be honest I was planning on quitting as soon as I start college, or maybe even sooner, you needn't tell the main boss that"

Boss:"Oh don't worry, whatever is discussed here stays here. *long David Brent style lecture* I know what it's like to work WITH people and AROUND people, and I know that this station is not being run as effectively as possible, it's a clique, and I'm sure you can see that too Ronan. But quitting isn't going to change that. You quitting will not make this a smoother operation.

Me:"Eh I don't care about this job, I'm not sure what your point is"

Boss:"All I'm saying is, think about what I've said to you yeah? Just think about it"


Ronan (Ronan), Thursday, 28 November 2002 22:45 (seventeen years ago) link

Is it only DCU students who work with stupid, annoying people?

DV (dirtyvicar), Thursday, 28 November 2002 23:50 (seventeen years ago) link

no, its anyone who has ever worked in bars with no-neck, arrogant-for-no-reason wankers, with no brain function other than the tiny amount required to raise a beer to their filthy mouths after a shift.

donna (donna), Friday, 29 November 2002 04:26 (seventeen years ago) link

Hurrah for it is the last day of the CompulsiveEatingBurpingCulotteWearingTactlessJollyCoWorker today!!! What will hopefully be my last annoying conversation with her happened first thing on Wednesday morning:

CEBCWTJCW: Morning Rachel!!! Oooh! What have you done to your NOSE??

Me: What? Oh yeah, it's a spot.

CEBCWTJCW: No! You've cut yourself or something! It's really RED.

Me: No, really, it's just a big, shiny, noticeable spot.

CEBCWTJCW: It looks really BAD!

At this point I gave up all hope of having a good day.

Archel (Archel), Friday, 29 November 2002 09:17 (seventeen years ago) link

Day one at my new job.

Woman At Next Desk: Oh, you used to live in London? So did I. I moved back after my daughter started school and, to be honest, I'm really glad I did. The education you get in London is terrible.

Madchen: I've heard inner city schools are, er, challenging.

WAND: Oh yes. I mean, she was one of only three white faces in the class.

Madchen: Oh. (Mutters something under her breath about 1 in 4 Scots).

Madchen (Madchen), Friday, 29 November 2002 09:26 (seventeen years ago) link

My co-worker Oh, I'm not being funny.... but could you only buy your lunch from the shop across the road from now on? When you go anywhere else it takes too long. Maybe you should bring a pack up from home.

Me (in my head): No, fuck off you food fascist. You're the one who is consistantly 15 minutes late back from lunch every day, and I know I'll spend the last hour of the day sitting around doing nothing listening to you go on and on and on so it's not like we're really busy. And God, just never speak to me again!

Me (in reality): Yeah, no problem.

Madeleine (Madeleine), Friday, 29 November 2002 10:29 (seventeen years ago) link

Maddie, immediately invent an obscure food allergy that REQUIRES you to go to a different shop! Oh , and then KILL HER.

Archel (Archel), Friday, 29 November 2002 10:50 (seventeen years ago) link

haha, madchen, fuck you! ;)

dwh (dwh), Friday, 29 November 2002 10:52 (seventeen years ago) link

What the hell? Why, precisely, was that necessary, dwh? Christ on a bike.

Liz :x (Liz :x), Friday, 29 November 2002 10:57 (seventeen years ago) link

Maddie, your co-worker is EVIL. There's only one place you should go for an off-site lunch and that's THE PUB!

robster (robster), Friday, 29 November 2002 10:58 (seventeen years ago) link

Rule 2858 in a series of obscure rules:

Office twats who preface statements with 'I'm not being funny' should recognise that everything following the phrase comes with its own virtual kill file.

My other suggestion would be to canvass other coworkers for a pizza delivery one Friday and exclude her blatantly.

suzy (suzy), Friday, 29 November 2002 11:10 (seventeen years ago) link

I want to invent a food allergy but then I'd be like her! She's allergic to garlic, alcohol, traffic fumes, manmade fibres, "still air" (this means we have the fan on in the winter so the air circulates and her eyes don't "gum up"), some other stuff that I forgot and, of course, EVER DOING ANY WORK. She is allergic to getting off her arse, I fear.

And the "I'm not being funny/I'm not having a go/I don't want you to take this the wrong way...." rule. I reckon if you have to start a sentence with any of these statements, you shouldn't be saying the sentence at all!

Madeleine (Madeleine), Friday, 29 November 2002 11:30 (seventeen years ago) link

Oh, and I can't canvass others to share food. There's only me and her in the whole shop. And when it's quiet she talks to me like we're friends but we're not. It's all very unfortunate.

Madeleine (Madeleine), Friday, 29 November 2002 11:32 (seventeen years ago) link

Haha 'still air'????

Archel (Archel), Friday, 29 November 2002 11:37 (seventeen years ago) link

This stupid stupid woman sent every single person here an email saying that she left 60 centimes in the coffee machine and asking for whoever finds it to bring it to her office. What a scrooge!

Miss Laura, Friday, 29 November 2002 11:58 (seventeen years ago) link

it wasn't sincere, liz, it was just a grumble about the allegation that 1/4 of scots are racist, y'know. the 'haha' was meant to temper it, sorry.

dwh (dwh), Friday, 29 November 2002 12:39 (seventeen years ago) link

Allegation? My personal experience is this:

I work in a room with two people. Person 1 said to me all the stuff I wrote above. She thought nothing of saying it to a stranger (the assumption, I guess, being that I would think the same). Person 2 laughed along merrily. Also, I have come across numerous people in Glasgow who tell me they get scared in London because there are so many black people around. Again, the way they express themselves implies they feel no sense of shame whatsoever - they just don't see there's anything wrong in expressing obviously prejudiced opinions.

I'm not denying for a second that racism doesn't exist elsewhere (and I'm not forgetting that the survey found 3 in 4 Scots aren't racist) but this is the only place I've encountered bigots who have the expectation that my opinion must be the same as theirs.

Madchen (Madchen), Friday, 29 November 2002 13:17 (seventeen years ago) link

Try the deli counter at S**n**ury's. I get so many customers who expect me to agree with their racist opinions simply because I am white. Twats.

alix (alix), Friday, 29 November 2002 17:42 (seventeen years ago) link

e-mail from my boss: "when I came in on Monday, the Threepenny Opera files were not online. I expect that when I assign a task that it will be completed. Don't let this happen in the future."

reply from me: "actually, on Friday we both determined that we had the wrong CD and would have to special order a new copy. On Monday."

reply from my boss: "There must have been some miscommunication here."

yeah, between your ears and your brain. moron!

Dave M. (rotten03), Friday, 29 November 2002 17:56 (seventeen years ago) link

Suzy, you aren't generalising wildly enough: yes, anyone who says "I'm not being funny, but" is best punched, hard and often, but this applies to most other sentences on the "I'm not being [X], but" model. X=racist obviously means "I am a loathsome racist", most obviously and clearly. Try 'sexist' or 'nasty' too.

Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Friday, 29 November 2002 19:18 (seventeen years ago) link

Happily I've been blessed with a slew of great co-workers. I will say that some years back the news that someone was departing from our neck of the woods to go elsewhere was greeted with quiet relief, though.

Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 29 November 2002 19:30 (seventeen years ago) link

Maddy, if she's your boss and only other co-worker then it sounds like she needs you more than you need her. POINTEDLY go to other shops to get your lunch. I say ignore the instruction.

suzy (suzy), Friday, 29 November 2002 22:55 (seventeen years ago) link

Annoying Coworker: Yes, well, that account would be able to fund your entity if you hadn't taken money from it without telling me.
Me: What?
Annoying Coworker: (holds up wire) See? $147,000 from my account.
Me: No, we gave you money.
Annoying Coworker WHO GETS PAID LOTS MORE THAN ME: NO YOU DID NOT. I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't write wires without telling me in the future.
Me: Did you look at this? You account is on the credit side. Management (nb: my account) is on the debit side!
Annoying Coworker: Whatever, just don't do it again.

What the fuck?

Ally (mlescaut), Saturday, 30 November 2002 06:50 (seventeen years ago) link

one month passes...
We've got two new people here this year - one of whom is very cool and I hardly see, so we get along really well. The other one, though - a nightmare. She's the epitome of simpering little girl-ness, speaks to me (and most everyone else) as though I'm a retarded child when in fact I've been doing the job that she's just begun (and is completely incompetent at, I might add) for 12 years. She's one of those people who has never met anyone as fascinating as herself in all of her born days and if she doesn't calm down, stop being a stupid bitch and stop second guessing every word I say to her, I will hit her in the head with a brick.

luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 14 January 2003 19:26 (seventeen years ago) link

The receptionist keeps telling everyone she's going through post partum depression.

Despite the fact that she's obviously still pregnant.

Ally (mlescaut), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 02:47 (seventeen years ago) link

My head hurts.

Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 02:49 (seventeen years ago) link

How about the dumbass cockfarmer that came into the library coughing and sneezing in such an ostentatious way it's like he intentionally planned a big Outbreak scenario? Now I'm at home running a fever and I think I might have bronchitis again.

Nicole (Nicole), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 02:49 (seventeen years ago) link

Hm. Find him and kill him.

Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 02:51 (seventeen years ago) link

I was depressed about being unemployed until I saw this thread. Thank you everyone. :)

fractal (fractal), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 03:06 (seventeen years ago) link

I was also informed that I wasn't authorized to approve payment on technological items.

However, I AM authorized to purchase them, however I want, whenever I want.

What does that even mean?

Ally (mlescaut), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 03:13 (seventeen years ago) link

It means you got the kingdom, you got the key. Order yourself everything you ever wanted and don't share.

Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 03:16 (seventeen years ago) link

people should post more on this thread. i like it.

Maria (Maria), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 04:23 (seventeen years ago) link

What follows is an email that was sent to some friends last spring, after a particularly bad morning with co-workers.

SUBJECT LINE: I gotta get outta this place
...if it's the last thing I ever do (feel free to hum along.)

After a delightful morning spent discussing why someone:
1. Shouldn't open a printer paperfeed drawer, while the printer is printing;
2. Shouldn't send emails to everyone on their mailing lists about Church-related emails;
3. Should let others know when they need the printer instead of deleting documents in the queue;
4. Shouldn't tell someone "this is urgent" so they work really late to get it finished, when really, it isn't urgent at all and in fact, doesn't need to be done at all; and
5. Shouldn't take someone else's lunch from the refrigerator and leave it on the counter to make room for "extra drinks in case we have visitors,"
I have now experienced the conversation to top them all (and really, you have to laugh at this one. I did. Once I calmed down, imbibed chocolate and nicotine, and thought "well, at least it's not quantum physics?). So....here it is:

A Dialogue between "M" (yours truly) and "S" (Otherwise known as Scarett/Princess/Arch Nemesis/The Scarf Lady/etc.)
S: Hey "M"!
M: Yes?
S: You know how to work that digital camera yet?
M: Yeah, figured it out last week.
S: How long does it take to get those photos developed?
M: What?
S: I need some photos really fast, so I can photocopy them and make notes on the back. And get duplicates too, in case they get messed-up.
M: What? What pictures do you need taken?
S: I need to you take pictures of my computer.
M: Why?
S: I need to know what's on my computer.
M: (sigh) You are looking for a file?
S: No, I need to know what is on my screen thing.
M: (dawning awareness) You need screen captures?
S: No, I need pictures of my computer.
M: For....?
S: I need to know what's on my screen, 'cause these instructions don't make sense and I want to make notes.
M: Okay, then you need a picture of the information on your screen, that you can print and add notes to?
S: Yes.
M: Okay, we don't need the camera for that. We can just do screen captures. It's easy.
(M walks over to other office, taking deep and soothing breathes all the while, and explains how to "CTRL+ALT+PrtScn" - runs into trouble with explanation of holding down all keys at the same time. Eventually resolved and screen is captured.)
M: Now open Word and set the page to ?Landscape.?
S: My computer won't do that.
M: What? Yes it will.
(M goes through brief discussion of "portrait" vs "landscape" and how to perform operation in Word. Discovers part of problem is that S doesn?t know how to open Word because the icon isn?t on her desktop.)
M: Now just hit "Shift+Insert" and your screen shot will be inserted.
M: No, you need to hold down both keys at the same time.
M: I don't know, that's just the way the program is designed.
M: Yeah, it is find of frustrating.
M: Okay, now you have it. Just insert a new page for each of the next screen captures and then print the file.
(M returns to own desk and gets back into rhythm of formatting proposal.)
S: M! It isn't working. I want you to take the pictures for me.
M: I don't have time to take the pictures right now, I have to get this back to _____.
S: Well, I don't have the time to use the camera, so I guess this won't get done and _____ will be mad.
M: Yeah, I guess ___ will be mad, but I'll explain the problem to him.
S: Can't you do these thingys for me?
M: No, not right now. I have to get this done.
S: You know, it's your job to do this.
M: No, actually it isn't. I am sorry, but I really can't do it right now. If I have time later I'll come over and see what we can do. In the meantime, why don't you look under the "Help" menu to see if those instructions are better.
S: Oh, my computer doesn't have any "Help" on it. I keep telling ____ he needs to fix it, but he won't.

(M decides, for sake of sanity, to not try and figure out what that last comment means and returns to her editing, swearing all the while.)
End of original email.

And here are additional interesting tidbits about ?S?:
She claimed on her resume to be ?Microsoft Certified,? but was unable to explain what that meant;
She wrote all of her correspondence in Excel, because she didn?t know how to open Word (the icon wasn?t on her desktop);
When she came into work each morning, she made herself a pot of tea and sat in her cubicle reading household decorating magazines and drinking tea for the first two hours: and, best of all
She was once asked to provide a file that she had finished working on to another co-worker. The file was not on her hard drive for, as she explained, she ?didn?t want to fill it up with things? (and it was a 20 G HD!) File was eventually determined, by her, to be on a floppy. But floppy was blank when co-worker opened it. Eventually ?S? showed supervisor where she stored all of her floppys containing important info. She was attaching them to the metal parts of her cubicle with large magnets, so she ?could always find them.?

~ Laura (who is thankful that she can claim to be a happy rat, that abandoned the sinking ship in time to move to a much cushier and affluent ship, and is now ridiculously happy with things)

LCD (Ms Laura), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 05:13 (seventeen years ago) link

She was once asked to provide a file that she had finished working on to another co-worker. The file was not on her hard drive for, as she explained, she "didn't want to fill it up with things" (and it was a 20 G HD!)

I've met a few people who have done basic "computer literacy" courses at colleges and Adult Ed. places who do this. What seems to happen is: the college says "don't store your files on the hard drive [of our lab computers], use a floppy" and the person absorbs this without understanding *why* they're being told it.

These sort of courses always seem to produce people who can't do anything except exactly what was on the course, and then only if their computer is set up exactly like the college ones were. Hence, not being able to start Word if it doesn't have a desktop icon.

(of course, the other stuff shows that this person seems to be a fuckwit regardless of that)

caitlin (caitlin), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 10:49 (seventeen years ago) link

Laura, that's fantastic.

The ex-receptionist at my office once printed out an email so she could type it up in Word.

Alfie (Alfie), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 11:02 (seventeen years ago) link

is that why she's an ex-receptionist?

MarkH (MarkH), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 11:30 (seventeen years ago) link

awwwwww, usually this stuff would make me mad, but today i want to find them all and help them and give them tea.

it's a sappy day.

g-kit (g-kit), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 11:42 (seventeen years ago) link

Heh, you'd think so wouldn't you. In actual fact, it wasn't until she went on holiday for 6 weeks and nobody noticed her absence that it became the MD realised that we could do without her.

Alfie (Alfie), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 11:48 (seventeen years ago) link

sounds familiar - we had a Communications Executive who never did any communicating.

MarkH (MarkH), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 11:54 (seventeen years ago) link

We also had an account executive who used to wander around the office to kill time. He had this time-consuming trick of getting up from his desk and finding a bin in another part of the building to throw his litter into (rather than the bin under his desk). Another trick was to go down to the fax machine to send a fax, return to his desk, wait a couple of minutes and then return to the fax machine to collect the piece of paper.

Alfie (Alfie), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 12:00 (seventeen years ago) link

One of my new colleagues is, to all intents and purposes, Jade. I quote:

1. "What does agriculture mean?"

2. "I was so annoyed. Someone threw themselves under my tube yesterday. People that do that must be mad."

3. Me: "Just tell them to put the web address in and it will take them straight into the site."

Her: "What address? Their address?"

Matt DC (Matt DC), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 12:06 (seventeen years ago) link

I can't decide whether to post this to the annoying colleague or the B.O. thread, so I'm going to post it to both! Anyhow, in one office where I worked we had a guy with a B.O. problem and the managers had to have words with him in private on a couple of occasions. And yes, on those rare occasions when my sinuses were clear (one day in seventeen approx) it was quite annoying and offensive to me. However, it was NOT NEARLY AS ANNOYING AND OFFENSIVE as the colleague who used to go on and on about it all the bloody time whenever the guy with the problem walked out of the room! Not only that, but as soon as he left she used to reach for the can of air freshener which she kept on her desk *specially* and spray about a litre of it about the place! So instead of an office smelling of sweat we had an office reeking of air freshener!

MarkH (MarkH), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 13:58 (seventeen years ago) link

Mailroom guy who looks like a troglodyte - "I wanted 'digical'[pronounced thus] TV cuz I don't have enough channels! They were supposed to install it on Friday but they didn't - the whole weekend I had nuthin' to do! I was really looking forward to it too!"

dave q, Wednesday, 15 January 2003 14:21 (seventeen years ago) link

i don't want to help any of those people, though. far too annoying. the previous lot were quite sweet.

g-kit (g-kit), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 14:45 (seventeen years ago) link

I pretty much get along with my immediate co-workers, and none of them are so annoying that I can't tune them out. However, I once shared an office with a foot fetishist. No kidding; he was friggin' profiled in the Village Voice about it, and was completely calm and collected when I mentioned "so I saw the Voice today..."! I guess we all have our private interests, but we don't all alert the press about it!

Other things he did: worked at his cube standing up (making everyone around him very tense), unbuttoned his shirts halfway down his chest, commented on every phone conversation I had (work related or not), talked to himself, and played horrible CD-Rs of cabaret tunes he wrote and produced. I think the whole experience inoculated me against ever being annoyed by co-workers again.

mike a (mike a), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 16:14 (seventeen years ago) link

Okay, here's another example from today. We had a sales rep come in to demo a software package/online service that provides journal content. Anyhoo, I did a sample search, and one of the citations that got brought up was from an Ethiopian journal. She said (in all seriousness): "Wow! I didn't think that Ethiopians even had any paper, let alone journals!"

Unfortunately something this stupid is uttered in my office at least once a day...

Nicole (Nicole), Thursday, 16 January 2003 03:26 (seventeen years ago) link

The amount of coworkers you've killed in your head must make quite the body count.

Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 16 January 2003 03:54 (seventeen years ago) link

You have no idea. Entire populations have been erased.

Nicole (Nicole), Thursday, 16 January 2003 03:56 (seventeen years ago) link

"As the final screams echoed away into caverns of oblivion, Nicole turned off her death rays and rubbed her chin thoughtfully. 'Should I have used so much napalm?'"

Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 16 January 2003 03:57 (seventeen years ago) link

if it's me, i'm responding with "yes, looks like it was just added four minutes ago" including screen cap of the file w timestamp.

FRAUDULENT STEAKS (The Cursed Return of the Dastardly Thermo Thinwall), Thursday, 27 February 2020 18:38 (one month ago) link

I used to engage in such petty fripperies but the momentary self-satisfaction was never enough to offset the fact that I was clearly the only party in that exchange who GAF.

Expart of Languidge (Old Lunch), Thursday, 27 February 2020 19:04 (one month ago) link

lol I still do mostly just to tell the other person "ok, i see u"

sorry for butt rockin (Neanderthal), Thursday, 27 February 2020 19:15 (one month ago) link

i find that shit only gets worse if you don't call it out as early as possible.

FRAUDULENT STEAKS (The Cursed Return of the Dastardly Thermo Thinwall), Thursday, 27 February 2020 20:15 (one month ago) link

it does amuse me when people seem to forget things are timestamped/logged. the security manager at my firm ten years ago said a handful of our own people used customer information to apply for credit cards and things thinking there was no way it could be tracked, until they wound up in the office getting terminated and referred to the police.

two of them even stole a ladies pension benefit in collusion with a trust contact but were easily discovered because they left a heavy electronic trail - got perp walked out the door by police minutes before I got back from lunch that day.

sorry for butt rockin (Neanderthal), Thursday, 27 February 2020 20:18 (one month ago) link

that sucks you missed the perp walk.

FRAUDULENT STEAKS (The Cursed Return of the Dastardly Thermo Thinwall), Thursday, 27 February 2020 20:28 (one month ago) link

Works both ways. At my last job, a coworker's manager was gunning to get rid of her (for reasons that were entirely personal, as far as anyone could tell) and on the day she finally got the boot for supposedly falsifying her timesheet, she asked me on her way out (because I had access to the pertinent systems) to see if I could find logs of her activity for the supposedly-falsified time in question. And sure enough, there it was. Because, see, her manager had checked the security records to confirm that she hadn't beeped through the turnstile on that Saturday afternoon...without bothering to check if she'd done work from home. And so they sheepishly had to rehire her and she subsequently split on her own terms and sued them for wrongful termination.

The moral: abject stupidity runs rampant through every stratum of the American workforce.

Expart of Languidge (Old Lunch), Thursday, 27 February 2020 20:29 (one month ago) link

That's fucked. Anytime I thought I found evidence of malfeasance, I always made sure to look at every alternative explanation first before assuming the worst.

sorry for butt rockin (Neanderthal), Thursday, 27 February 2020 20:44 (one month ago) link

A colleague of mine almost got one of our client's employees fired once. I don't remember what it was about, but this employee was suspected of something or other, but they insisted they said something on this call that absolved them. Again, don't remember what.

So this colleague goes to pull the call but pulls the wrong one. Doesn't notice that the company the caller states she works for is wrong, gave a name completely different than the employee, DOB doesn't match. All these obvious clues. So she reports to our client that the employee didn't say what they alleged they said, and almost termed the person until they insisted our rep must have listened to the wrong call and begged our client to re-review.

Fortunately someone else did and almost immediately it confirmed the employees' version of things, and our relationship with the client was damaged by the ordeal.

sorry for butt rockin (Neanderthal), Thursday, 27 February 2020 20:51 (one month ago) link

One of our classes I teach has a set sign-up process. We rarely have issues with it.

However, this week, a bunch of leaders who don't typically get involved in the sign-up process decided to stick their noses in and gum up the works. Working with the team managers, they came up with a huge list of employees who need to be trained, but somehow botched the communication on who was supposed to sign them up.

So yesterday, one manager asks why six of her employees didn't get training invites, only to find out nobody actually signed them up. We fixed that and got them enrolled. No big deal.

Then, one of the Operations Leaders kept telling us throughout the week that she was going to submit more names, only to not send any. So we finally message her on our chat client on Wednesday to ask "look do you have names or not?". She then gives us five names, but tells us they will come over on the sign-up sheet that night, so to hold off signing them up until then, just in case plans changed. Rather than letting us just do it right then. Of course, nothing comes over that night, so I don't know if that means if they no longer need training or if someone just forgot again.

So I ask her yesterday "hey, these specific five people, do they still need to be signed up?", only for her to give an answer that was neither affirmation or denial, just "anybody who is supposed to attend should have been signed up already". Given the previous fuck-ups, I wrote back and asked her to please confirm if the *five people I specifically named* needed to be signed up, yes or no. Day goes by, no reply.

So naturally, the manager of one of the five learners who I've been trying to confirm needed to be signed up for a day and a half messages us asking why this student didn't get an invite. so the week is out and we still aren't clear on the official final roster for a class that starts Tuesday.

sorry for butt rockin (Neanderthal), Saturday, 29 February 2020 04:04 (one month ago) link

they also laid my friend off today, one of the few members that was able to keep one of our most difficult clients happy. the other managers on that client have all but given up home on retaining them.

you'd think that might have saved her job, but nope.

sorry for butt rockin (Neanderthal), Saturday, 29 February 2020 04:06 (one month ago) link

A coworker who isn't stupid or annoying forwarded me an exchange between her manager and the stupid annoying fuckstick I've bitched about 315 times itt.

Manager: Why did you, a person we know is a full-on moron who always does shit he shouldn't do, do this thing you did and that you shouldn't have done?
Fuckstick: Hmm, I don't know why I would have done that thing I very clearly did. You should ask Coworker about why I did that.
Manager: Coworker, why did Fuckstick to this thing he did and that he shouldn't have done? P.S. Absolutely nothing in the file indicates that you've ever had anything to do with this account. Not sure why I'm asking you about it at all except that Fuckstick said I should. Sure hope he never tells me to walk into traffic!

They find new ways to surprise me, every day.

Waifu-ed Around and Fell in Love (Old Lunch), Monday, 9 March 2020 18:13 (four weeks ago) link

i used to be the 'subject matter expert' on a couple of things where I worked and people would always unnecessarily add me to random meetings on completely non-relevant to me things. And then they would totally call me out to ask me questions about someone else's department, of which they were the subject matter expert, while that person was also. on. the. call.

Yerac, Monday, 9 March 2020 18:23 (four weeks ago) link

We are forced to run all of our programs through a remote connection, for some reason. The remote install of Acrobat just stopped working about half an hour ago. 99% of the work files I handle are pdfs. I was already hustling to make up for the three hours of work time I lost yesterday when our systems went down completely (not unusual, as I understand they went down for a cumulative seven hours when I was out of the office on Friday). I am going to sit here and twiddle my thumbs until my workday is over. Because, y'know, fuck this absolute joke of a workplace.

(I guess this is an indirect indictment of our stupid, annoying IT personnel, who I only really know from their exemplary reputation as dick-tripping tech wizards.)

Waifu-ed Around and Fell in Love (Old Lunch), Tuesday, 10 March 2020 19:07 (four weeks ago) link

one of my coworkers was using both printers to do huge jobs while also having a bubble tea sitting on one of the printers yesterday. very confounding

COVID and the Gang (jim in vancouver), Tuesday, 10 March 2020 19:12 (four weeks ago) link

(the two long jobs were non-urgent, nobody has beverages in the printer room ever)

COVID and the Gang (jim in vancouver), Tuesday, 10 March 2020 19:12 (four weeks ago) link

Instant beheading for that

sorry for butt rockin (Neanderthal), Tuesday, 10 March 2020 23:48 (four weeks ago) link

I swear to fucking god. So, I order some civil rights A/V material for a program the students are putting on, and this bitch who is not even my boss was overheard throwing a massive tantrum about it. Because, uh...the material made her uncomfortable. And rumor has it had to do with an alleged discrimination complaint against her, and my association with this group makes her look bad.

Then another faculty member asks me to buy an expensive Japanese CD, and some other asshole disrespects me and asks me why I bought it. Because I was ASKED to buy it, you unprofessional dickface. Just because you play in some band no one cares about doesn't mean you have the right to condescend.

Did I mention that Mr. Condescension and Ms. Ill Temper are friends?

Two words for you : "Bite Down" (I M Losted), Monday, 16 March 2020 11:48 (three weeks ago) link

Did I mention that Mr. Condescension and Ms. Ill Temper are friends?

Why am I not surprised? Anyway, godspeed to you for working with two such "prizes", and I really hope someone local to you treats you to some potent potables (or whatever else makes life better for you).

We Live as We Dee, Alone (deethelurker), Monday, 16 March 2020 12:29 (three weeks ago) link

Thank you. The faculty seem to hate them, but every time there's a bad apple at work, the people in the immediate vicinity do nothing.

It just dawned on me that maybe they're just jealous because I know a lot of the faculty.

Two words for you : "Bite Down" (I M Losted), Monday, 16 March 2020 12:51 (three weeks ago) link

Omfg we hired a guy a few months back. I can’t begin to describe how awful he is. Basically doesn’t do jackshit. And what he does, he does all wrong. Have to correct his mistakes. Fucking awful. And just disregards all the rules.

nathom, Monday, 16 March 2020 21:04 (three weeks ago) link

today I had one learner in my class who started interrupting me every 2 minutes, then took 30 minutes to do an assignment correctly while not listening to my instructions.

put me so far behind. but....all of us are stressed, so I just pretended it was no big deal.

and then asked my boss for Wednesday afternoon off to just....decompress.

sorry for butt rockin (Neanderthal), Monday, 16 March 2020 21:40 (three weeks ago) link

ffs now the office is closed, my email is just constantly pinging with idiots emailing the entire fucking company with their witty anecdotes about working from home. FUCK OFF

Colonel Poo, Tuesday, 17 March 2020 10:00 (three weeks ago) link

Dear fellow employees I am overhearing in a conversation right now about not wanting to follow anyone's orders about sheltering in place re: Covid-19, with your "not being afraid" and "it doesn't matter to me, I'm healthy and young": do you want what's happening right now in China and Italy to happen? Because that's how you get what's happening right now in China and Italy to happen. I am not going to confront them about this because to do so would be exceptionally unprofessional and create an antagonistic work environment, so thankfully there's this thread wherein I can vent. BTW, if we do end up enacting a San Francisco-style "shelter in place" order in my city, you better fucking believe I'll obey it because I'm not a dick and would actually like the whole "flattening the curve" thing to happen.

We Live as We Dee, Alone (deethelurker), Tuesday, 17 March 2020 13:11 (three weeks ago) link

wait til next week when this will just serve as a thread about seinfeldeaque observations about all of our partners/families/housemates

BSC Joan Baez (darraghmac), Tuesday, 17 March 2020 14:14 (three weeks ago) link

I'll prefer that to the dire daily news

sorry for butt rockin (Neanderthal), Tuesday, 17 March 2020 14:18 (three weeks ago) link

xp and pets, don’t forget those of us beset by small cats crying because they want to get into the attic

gramsci in your surplice (gyac), Tuesday, 17 March 2020 14:19 (three weeks ago) link

my home coworker, who is a cat, has now been exposed as a food grifter. if i am working from the dining room table and see you snack on food every half hour, i am no longer going to believe you're starving when you yowl at me at 5pm

mh, Tuesday, 17 March 2020 15:33 (three weeks ago) link

I’m not looking forward to the one benefit of this, not having to get up at 6 anymore, being taken away from me by the attic-crier kneading us both until one of us gets up to feed her. Sometimes she does this and suddenly isn’t hungry!

gramsci in your surplice (gyac), Tuesday, 17 March 2020 15:37 (three weeks ago) link

My coworker today (18 year old with cancelled Uni classes) is awesome. He stayed in his bed all morning then made me a coffee.

Non, je ned raggette rien (onimo), Tuesday, 17 March 2020 15:40 (three weeks ago) link


thats not unlike my normal routine tbh

BSC Joan Baez (darraghmac), Tuesday, 17 March 2020 15:42 (three weeks ago) link

Guess I'll just comment on my co-workers then since I seem to be in the increasingly rarer numbers still going into work. Except work hasn't been that bad lately and the execs even sent us lots of coffee and doughnuts this morning to boost our morale. (in a quiet voice) Plus I'm in a supervisory role here so I feel awful about bitching about my co-workers for all but the most boneheaded reasons. (exunt quiet voice mode)

We Live as We Dee, Alone (deethelurker), Tuesday, 17 March 2020 15:47 (three weeks ago) link

I can tell my trainees are distracted today. I'm being friendly and nurturing as I can, because ultimately, this thing I'm training them on just doesn't matter in the scheme of things

sorry for butt rockin (Neanderthal), Tuesday, 17 March 2020 18:05 (three weeks ago) link

Plus it's for a client that is an evil financial institution

sorry for butt rockin (Neanderthal), Tuesday, 17 March 2020 18:05 (three weeks ago) link

My company, a UK based high street clothes retailer, is launching a sale on Thursday in an attempt to drive footfall and profit. Wildly irresponsible.

boxedjoy, Tuesday, 17 March 2020 18:25 (three weeks ago) link

God I am trying so hard right now with all that is going on. I'm not getting mad when people don't listen. Or when people interrupt me or don't follow directions.

But at a time when my nerves are already shot...when this one learner who is supposed to be a VETERAN is CONSTANTLY stopping me to ask things that I already answered. Or to insist things aren't working for her even though they are working for everybody else, and after you try three times to get her to coherently explain what's happening, she can't.

Can't remember her Skype password to screenshare there. Can't figure out how to do it in WebEx teams even with me literally giving every instruction in ridiculously overexplained fashion after three times.

I can't use my virtual session to do it because then I have to take down the instructions that I'm sharing.


sorry for butt rockin (Neanderthal), Tuesday, 17 March 2020 20:27 (three weeks ago) link

This is a class that normally lasts 24 hours and I was given fucking 14!

sorry for butt rockin (Neanderthal), Tuesday, 17 March 2020 20:27 (three weeks ago) link

My company, a UK based high street clothes retailer, is launching a sale on Thursday in an attempt to drive footfall and profit. Wildly irresponsible.

I've been getting more vouchers than I have for months! Today's vouchers: another one for a free eye test, or 40% off lunch at the not v appealing Beefeater on the other side of town. I feel bad abt places seeing a reduction in custom but, no

a passing spacecadet, Tuesday, 17 March 2020 20:35 (three weeks ago) link

I suggested to my boss last week that we encourage online shopping by doing an online-only sale. She agreed. I got the draft of the email announcement, and it said something like “we don’t want to discourage shopping in store” and I was like, please PLEASE take that out, it is bad and also makes us look terrible. Amazingly, she agreed.

The email went out yesterday morning and then the shelter-in-place came just a few hours later so our stores are closed for at least 3 weeks.

just1n3, Tuesday, 17 March 2020 21:02 (three weeks ago) link

Our online store is not popular so I’m not sure I’ll still have a job in 3 weeks. My boss is trying to sell the business to the PM and the PM let me know she found out after looking at the books that business hasn’t made any money in YEARS. My boss has been loaning the business money (she owns rental properties, remortgaged her house multiple times) to keep it going.

just1n3, Tuesday, 17 March 2020 21:06 (three weeks ago) link

ouch - good luck, just1n3, but also good job and good timing talking her round re the mailout

a passing spacecadet, Tuesday, 17 March 2020 21:14 (three weeks ago) link

I typically do well at annual review time, have consistently gotten an "Excels" rating for 9 consecutive years. Began reading the annual review summary my new boss was sharing with me during the one on one, and it appeared I was well on my way to a 10th. Comments were mostly raves, there was no actual negative feedback or specific area of improvement.

Get to the end, it's the lowest rating I've ever had in 15 years, only the second time I got a "Meets Expectations". I was baffled. I got an "Excels" last year despite doing much less impressive work in 2018. Last year I voluntarily traveled to the Philippines to oversee 12 concurrent training classes, San Juan (on less than a week's notice for an impromptu two week class), voluntarily learned and immediately began teaching a new platform (becoming only the 2nd person licensed to teach it), acquired the access to update internal system materials that had been needed for TEN YEARS but had never been done, and was one of the most prominent participants in the training material redevelopment project.

it was, as is always, bureaucracy. our bosses can't give us direct ratings, it's calibrated at the leadership level, so all bosses in our division present their employee and recommended rating, and leadership either approves or denies it, and they also set caps on how many people can get each rating in each division, so I'm fairly sure they saved the "Excels" for other "more important" roles.

so that was the only chance of me getting any incentive pay which would have been helpful given what's going on. so the message to me is "do the bare minimum from here on out".

OK! will do!

sorry for butt rockin (Neanderthal), Thursday, 19 March 2020 15:52 (two weeks ago) link

a fairly pointless thing to get worked up over rn but w/e. i'm going to pretend the only reason I got the lower score was for saying "motherfucker" on a hot mic, that's easier to live with.

sorry for butt rockin (Neanderthal), Thursday, 19 March 2020 15:53 (two weeks ago) link

When I was a manager doing ratings, we were only allowed a minimal number of excels vs meets. Definitely forced us into a position where people doing good work got penalized for no reason other than available budget.

Mario Meatwagon (Moodles), Thursday, 19 March 2020 15:57 (two weeks ago) link

yep same thing here. I can tell having friends in higher places in past years before I switched depts probably played more of a role than I realized.

so I'm wondering how I managed to get the higher rating at all last year, considering I did not get along with the boss that did that review at all, to the point where we had to have meetings to clear the air.

sorry for butt rockin (Neanderthal), Thursday, 19 March 2020 16:00 (two weeks ago) link

they also set caps on how many people can get each rating in each division

An old workplace of mine tried to bring this in. it's appalling.

It sucks. I had a colleague quit over the finer details of the review process.

kinder, Thursday, 19 March 2020 18:08 (two weeks ago) link

I guess our developers are real real bored sitting at home because they went in on a whim overnight and completely overhauled the layout of one of my essential work apps such that a search function that used to display all information on a single handy screen like so:

Business Name DBA
Street Address
City State Zip Etc.

Now displays everything like this:

Business Name



Forcing everyone to scroll endlessly to find information that we used to be able to see at a quick glance. This is a thing I have to consult dozens, sometimes 100+ times/day, and which has remained the same for years, which allows for a lot of mental shorthand and eliminates a lot of cognitive effort on my part. And my work is already slowed way down, working at home on a tiny laptop screen (down from two big desktop monitors). I'm fuuuuuuuurious.

Unparalleled Elegance (Old Lunch), Wednesday, 25 March 2020 12:24 (two weeks ago) link


brooklyn suicide cult (Dr Morbius), Thursday, 26 March 2020 16:47 (one week ago) link

CC: All

sorry for butt rockin (Neanderthal), Thursday, 26 March 2020 17:07 (one week ago) link

After yesterday's fiasco, my class seems fried. I feel bad subjecting them to my braying today.

sorry for butt rockin (Neanderthal), Thursday, 26 March 2020 17:08 (one week ago) link

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