Let's bitch about our stupid, annoying co-workers

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Girl I work with is chatting to a male customer in friendly fashion as she serves him. He leaves, then me and her have this conversation.

Annoying Girl: "I hope people don't get the wrong idea!"
Me: "Eh?"
AG: "About me and the guy. I hope people don't start thinking we're going out, just because I'm friendly to him when he comes in."
Me: "Eh, I don't think people will assume that."
AG: "You don't think the bosses would fire me for it? You know, for being too friendly with the customers?"
Me: "Eh, no." (Thinking: Christ Almighty!)
AG: "I'm really worried now. They wouldn't fire me for it, would they?"
Me: "I doubt it."

A few minutes pass...

AG: "I'm still really worried. They wouldn't fire me, would they?"
Me: "NO!" (Thinking: leave me alone, you neurotic freak!)

Then this crazy elderly man, a regular customer, comes in. He was in a car accident which left him, (how shall I put this?), barking mad. He thinks he's a real estate owner, and I'm one of his tenants, despite the fact that he asks me for money for tobacco every time he comes in. He proceeds to tell the annoying girl about all the houses he owns, and how I am one of his tenants etc, etc, while drooling and smelling terrible! He leaves.

AG: (genuinely) "Was that true, what he was saying?"
Me: "Oh my, no."
AG: "It could have been..."
Me: "I'm pretty sure it wasn't" (Thinking: Christ! I think I'd know if I was one of his tenants!)
AG: "Appearances can be deceptive..."
Me: "No, I'm pretty sure he's barking mad."
AG: "But-"
Me: "NO!"

It was a long day at work. I feel better now I've got it off my chest! Now it's your turn to bitch.

What makes it even more irritating is that she's a very NICE person. No harm in her at all, just really annoying and stupid. So I feel bad for bitching about her, yet I am compelled to do so!

weasel diesel (K1l14n), Thursday, 28 November 2002 22:19 (sixteen years ago) link

One of the managers at the petrol station once called me outside for a smoke and to talk to me, it was a bit like the Warden Norton/Tommy scene in Shawshank Redemption.

Boss:"Ronan could you comb your hair next time you come to work"


Me:"eh in fairness the contract doesn't say anything about me having to comb my hair"

Boss:"yeah but I mean you're a student now yeah? this job isn't so bad. they look after you well, it's a good wage, I'm happy with my lot"

Me:"I don't think there's any chance of me ever working here for a living, long term"

Boss:"Yeah and they pay your health insurance, it's not too difficult a job either"

Me:"Yeah no I'm never going to want to work here, to be honest I was planning on quitting as soon as I start college, or maybe even sooner, you needn't tell the main boss that"

Boss:"Oh don't worry, whatever is discussed here stays here. *long David Brent style lecture* I know what it's like to work WITH people and AROUND people, and I know that this station is not being run as effectively as possible, it's a clique, and I'm sure you can see that too Ronan. But quitting isn't going to change that. You quitting will not make this a smoother operation.

Me:"Eh I don't care about this job, I'm not sure what your point is"

Boss:"All I'm saying is, think about what I've said to you yeah? Just think about it"

Me:"............ok"

Ronan (Ronan), Thursday, 28 November 2002 22:45 (sixteen years ago) link

Is it only DCU students who work with stupid, annoying people?

DV (dirtyvicar), Thursday, 28 November 2002 23:50 (sixteen years ago) link

no, its anyone who has ever worked in bars with no-neck, arrogant-for-no-reason wankers, with no brain function other than the tiny amount required to raise a beer to their filthy mouths after a shift.

donna (donna), Friday, 29 November 2002 04:26 (sixteen years ago) link

Hurrah for it is the last day of the CompulsiveEatingBurpingCulotteWearingTactlessJollyCoWorker today!!! What will hopefully be my last annoying conversation with her happened first thing on Wednesday morning:

CEBCWTJCW: Morning Rachel!!! Oooh! What have you done to your NOSE??

Me: What? Oh yeah, it's a spot.

CEBCWTJCW: No! You've cut yourself or something! It's really RED.

Me: No, really, it's just a big, shiny, noticeable spot.

CEBCWTJCW: It looks really BAD!

At this point I gave up all hope of having a good day.

Archel (Archel), Friday, 29 November 2002 09:17 (sixteen years ago) link

Day one at my new job.

Woman At Next Desk: Oh, you used to live in London? So did I. I moved back after my daughter started school and, to be honest, I'm really glad I did. The education you get in London is terrible.

Madchen: I've heard inner city schools are, er, challenging.

WAND: Oh yes. I mean, she was one of only three white faces in the class.

Madchen: Oh. (Mutters something under her breath about 1 in 4 Scots).

Madchen (Madchen), Friday, 29 November 2002 09:26 (sixteen years ago) link

My co-worker Oh, I'm not being funny.... but could you only buy your lunch from the shop across the road from now on? When you go anywhere else it takes too long. Maybe you should bring a pack up from home.

Me (in my head): No, fuck off you food fascist. You're the one who is consistantly 15 minutes late back from lunch every day, and I know I'll spend the last hour of the day sitting around doing nothing listening to you go on and on and on so it's not like we're really busy. And God, just never speak to me again!

Me (in reality): Yeah, no problem.

Madeleine (Madeleine), Friday, 29 November 2002 10:29 (sixteen years ago) link

Maddie, immediately invent an obscure food allergy that REQUIRES you to go to a different shop! Oh , and then KILL HER.

Archel (Archel), Friday, 29 November 2002 10:50 (sixteen years ago) link

haha, madchen, fuck you! ;)

dwh (dwh), Friday, 29 November 2002 10:52 (sixteen years ago) link

What the hell? Why, precisely, was that necessary, dwh? Christ on a bike.

Liz :x (Liz :x), Friday, 29 November 2002 10:57 (sixteen years ago) link

Maddie, your co-worker is EVIL. There's only one place you should go for an off-site lunch and that's THE PUB!

robster (robster), Friday, 29 November 2002 10:58 (sixteen years ago) link

Rule 2858 in a series of obscure rules:

Office twats who preface statements with 'I'm not being funny' should recognise that everything following the phrase comes with its own virtual kill file.

My other suggestion would be to canvass other coworkers for a pizza delivery one Friday and exclude her blatantly.

suzy (suzy), Friday, 29 November 2002 11:10 (sixteen years ago) link

I want to invent a food allergy but then I'd be like her! She's allergic to garlic, alcohol, traffic fumes, manmade fibres, "still air" (this means we have the fan on in the winter so the air circulates and her eyes don't "gum up"), some other stuff that I forgot and, of course, EVER DOING ANY WORK. She is allergic to getting off her arse, I fear.

And the "I'm not being funny/I'm not having a go/I don't want you to take this the wrong way...." rule. I reckon if you have to start a sentence with any of these statements, you shouldn't be saying the sentence at all!

Madeleine (Madeleine), Friday, 29 November 2002 11:30 (sixteen years ago) link

Oh, and I can't canvass others to share food. There's only me and her in the whole shop. And when it's quiet she talks to me like we're friends but we're not. It's all very unfortunate.

Madeleine (Madeleine), Friday, 29 November 2002 11:32 (sixteen years ago) link

Haha 'still air'????

Archel (Archel), Friday, 29 November 2002 11:37 (sixteen years ago) link

This stupid stupid woman sent every single person here an email saying that she left 60 centimes in the coffee machine and asking for whoever finds it to bring it to her office. What a scrooge!

Miss Laura, Friday, 29 November 2002 11:58 (sixteen years ago) link

it wasn't sincere, liz, it was just a grumble about the allegation that 1/4 of scots are racist, y'know. the 'haha' was meant to temper it, sorry.

dwh (dwh), Friday, 29 November 2002 12:39 (sixteen years ago) link

Allegation? My personal experience is this:

I work in a room with two people. Person 1 said to me all the stuff I wrote above. She thought nothing of saying it to a stranger (the assumption, I guess, being that I would think the same). Person 2 laughed along merrily. Also, I have come across numerous people in Glasgow who tell me they get scared in London because there are so many black people around. Again, the way they express themselves implies they feel no sense of shame whatsoever - they just don't see there's anything wrong in expressing obviously prejudiced opinions.

I'm not denying for a second that racism doesn't exist elsewhere (and I'm not forgetting that the survey found 3 in 4 Scots aren't racist) but this is the only place I've encountered bigots who have the expectation that my opinion must be the same as theirs.

Madchen (Madchen), Friday, 29 November 2002 13:17 (sixteen years ago) link

Try the deli counter at S**n**ury's. I get so many customers who expect me to agree with their racist opinions simply because I am white. Twats.

alix (alix), Friday, 29 November 2002 17:42 (sixteen years ago) link

e-mail from my boss: "when I came in on Monday, the Threepenny Opera files were not online. I expect that when I assign a task that it will be completed. Don't let this happen in the future."

reply from me: "actually, on Friday we both determined that we had the wrong CD and would have to special order a new copy. On Monday."

reply from my boss: "There must have been some miscommunication here."

yeah, between your ears and your brain. moron!

Dave M. (rotten03), Friday, 29 November 2002 17:56 (sixteen years ago) link

Suzy, you aren't generalising wildly enough: yes, anyone who says "I'm not being funny, but" is best punched, hard and often, but this applies to most other sentences on the "I'm not being [X], but" model. X=racist obviously means "I am a loathsome racist", most obviously and clearly. Try 'sexist' or 'nasty' too.

Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Friday, 29 November 2002 19:18 (sixteen years ago) link

Happily I've been blessed with a slew of great co-workers. I will say that some years back the news that someone was departing from our neck of the woods to go elsewhere was greeted with quiet relief, though.

Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 29 November 2002 19:30 (sixteen years ago) link

Maddy, if she's your boss and only other co-worker then it sounds like she needs you more than you need her. POINTEDLY go to other shops to get your lunch. I say ignore the instruction.

suzy (suzy), Friday, 29 November 2002 22:55 (sixteen years ago) link

Annoying Coworker: Yes, well, that account would be able to fund your entity if you hadn't taken money from it without telling me.
Me: What?
Annoying Coworker: (holds up wire) See? $147,000 from my account.
Me: No, we gave you money.
Annoying Coworker WHO GETS PAID LOTS MORE THAN ME: NO YOU DID NOT. I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't write wires without telling me in the future.
Me: Did you look at this? You account is on the credit side. Management (nb: my account) is on the debit side!
Annoying Coworker: Whatever, just don't do it again.

What the fuck?

Ally (mlescaut), Saturday, 30 November 2002 06:50 (sixteen years ago) link

one month passes...
We've got two new people here this year - one of whom is very cool and I hardly see, so we get along really well. The other one, though - a nightmare. She's the epitome of simpering little girl-ness, speaks to me (and most everyone else) as though I'm a retarded child when in fact I've been doing the job that she's just begun (and is completely incompetent at, I might add) for 12 years. She's one of those people who has never met anyone as fascinating as herself in all of her born days and if she doesn't calm down, stop being a stupid bitch and stop second guessing every word I say to her, I will hit her in the head with a brick.

luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 14 January 2003 19:26 (sixteen years ago) link

The receptionist keeps telling everyone she's going through post partum depression.

Despite the fact that she's obviously still pregnant.

Ally (mlescaut), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 02:47 (sixteen years ago) link

My head hurts.

Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 02:49 (sixteen years ago) link

How about the dumbass cockfarmer that came into the library coughing and sneezing in such an ostentatious way it's like he intentionally planned a big Outbreak scenario? Now I'm at home running a fever and I think I might have bronchitis again.

Nicole (Nicole), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 02:49 (sixteen years ago) link

Hm. Find him and kill him.

Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 02:51 (sixteen years ago) link

I was depressed about being unemployed until I saw this thread. Thank you everyone. :)

fractal (fractal), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 03:06 (sixteen years ago) link

I was also informed that I wasn't authorized to approve payment on technological items.

However, I AM authorized to purchase them, however I want, whenever I want.

What does that even mean?

Ally (mlescaut), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 03:13 (sixteen years ago) link

It means you got the kingdom, you got the key. Order yourself everything you ever wanted and don't share.

Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 03:16 (sixteen years ago) link

people should post more on this thread. i like it.

Maria (Maria), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 04:23 (sixteen years ago) link

What follows is an email that was sent to some friends last spring, after a particularly bad morning with co-workers.

SUBJECT LINE: I gotta get outta this place
...if it's the last thing I ever do (feel free to hum along.)

After a delightful morning spent discussing why someone:
1. Shouldn't open a printer paperfeed drawer, while the printer is printing;
2. Shouldn't send emails to everyone on their mailing lists about Church-related emails;
3. Should let others know when they need the printer instead of deleting documents in the queue;
4. Shouldn't tell someone "this is urgent" so they work really late to get it finished, when really, it isn't urgent at all and in fact, doesn't need to be done at all; and
5. Shouldn't take someone else's lunch from the refrigerator and leave it on the counter to make room for "extra drinks in case we have visitors,"
I have now experienced the conversation to top them all (and really, you have to laugh at this one. I did. Once I calmed down, imbibed chocolate and nicotine, and thought "well, at least it's not quantum physics?). So....here it is:

A Dialogue between "M" (yours truly) and "S" (Otherwise known as Scarett/Princess/Arch Nemesis/The Scarf Lady/etc.)
S: Hey "M"!
M: Yes?
S: You know how to work that digital camera yet?
M: Yeah, figured it out last week.
S: How long does it take to get those photos developed?
M: What?
S: I need some photos really fast, so I can photocopy them and make notes on the back. And get duplicates too, in case they get messed-up.
M: What? What pictures do you need taken?
S: I need to you take pictures of my computer.
M: Why?
S: I need to know what's on my computer.
M: (sigh) You are looking for a file?
S: No, I need to know what is on my screen thing.
M: (dawning awareness) You need screen captures?
S: No, I need pictures of my computer.
M: For....?
S: I need to know what's on my screen, 'cause these instructions don't make sense and I want to make notes.
M: Okay, then you need a picture of the information on your screen, that you can print and add notes to?
S: Yes.
M: Okay, we don't need the camera for that. We can just do screen captures. It's easy.
(M walks over to other office, taking deep and soothing breathes all the while, and explains how to "CTRL+ALT+PrtScn" - runs into trouble with explanation of holding down all keys at the same time. Eventually resolved and screen is captured.)
M: Now open Word and set the page to ?Landscape.?
S: My computer won't do that.
M: What? Yes it will.
(M goes through brief discussion of "portrait" vs "landscape" and how to perform operation in Word. Discovers part of problem is that S doesn?t know how to open Word because the icon isn?t on her desktop.)
M: Now just hit "Shift+Insert" and your screen shot will be inserted.
M: No, you need to hold down both keys at the same time.
M: I don't know, that's just the way the program is designed.
M: Yeah, it is find of frustrating.
M: Okay, now you have it. Just insert a new page for each of the next screen captures and then print the file.
(M returns to own desk and gets back into rhythm of formatting proposal.)
S: M! It isn't working. I want you to take the pictures for me.
M: I don't have time to take the pictures right now, I have to get this back to _____.
S: Well, I don't have the time to use the camera, so I guess this won't get done and _____ will be mad.
M: Yeah, I guess ___ will be mad, but I'll explain the problem to him.
S: Can't you do these thingys for me?
M: No, not right now. I have to get this done.
S: You know, it's your job to do this.
M: No, actually it isn't. I am sorry, but I really can't do it right now. If I have time later I'll come over and see what we can do. In the meantime, why don't you look under the "Help" menu to see if those instructions are better.
S: Oh, my computer doesn't have any "Help" on it. I keep telling ____ he needs to fix it, but he won't.

(M decides, for sake of sanity, to not try and figure out what that last comment means and returns to her editing, swearing all the while.)
End of original email.

And here are additional interesting tidbits about ?S?:
She claimed on her resume to be ?Microsoft Certified,? but was unable to explain what that meant;
She wrote all of her correspondence in Excel, because she didn?t know how to open Word (the icon wasn?t on her desktop);
When she came into work each morning, she made herself a pot of tea and sat in her cubicle reading household decorating magazines and drinking tea for the first two hours: and, best of all
She was once asked to provide a file that she had finished working on to another co-worker. The file was not on her hard drive for, as she explained, she ?didn?t want to fill it up with things? (and it was a 20 G HD!) File was eventually determined, by her, to be on a floppy. But floppy was blank when co-worker opened it. Eventually ?S? showed supervisor where she stored all of her floppys containing important info. She was attaching them to the metal parts of her cubicle with large magnets, so she ?could always find them.?

~ Laura (who is thankful that she can claim to be a happy rat, that abandoned the sinking ship in time to move to a much cushier and affluent ship, and is now ridiculously happy with things)

LCD (Ms Laura), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 05:13 (sixteen years ago) link

She was once asked to provide a file that she had finished working on to another co-worker. The file was not on her hard drive for, as she explained, she "didn't want to fill it up with things" (and it was a 20 G HD!)

I've met a few people who have done basic "computer literacy" courses at colleges and Adult Ed. places who do this. What seems to happen is: the college says "don't store your files on the hard drive [of our lab computers], use a floppy" and the person absorbs this without understanding *why* they're being told it.

These sort of courses always seem to produce people who can't do anything except exactly what was on the course, and then only if their computer is set up exactly like the college ones were. Hence, not being able to start Word if it doesn't have a desktop icon.

(of course, the other stuff shows that this person seems to be a fuckwit regardless of that)

caitlin (caitlin), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 10:49 (sixteen years ago) link

Laura, that's fantastic.

The ex-receptionist at my office once printed out an email so she could type it up in Word.

Alfie (Alfie), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 11:02 (sixteen years ago) link

is that why she's an ex-receptionist?

MarkH (MarkH), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 11:30 (sixteen years ago) link

awwwwww, usually this stuff would make me mad, but today i want to find them all and help them and give them tea.

it's a sappy day.

g-kit (g-kit), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 11:42 (sixteen years ago) link

Heh, you'd think so wouldn't you. In actual fact, it wasn't until she went on holiday for 6 weeks and nobody noticed her absence that it became the MD realised that we could do without her.

Alfie (Alfie), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 11:48 (sixteen years ago) link

sounds familiar - we had a Communications Executive who never did any communicating.

MarkH (MarkH), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 11:54 (sixteen years ago) link

We also had an account executive who used to wander around the office to kill time. He had this time-consuming trick of getting up from his desk and finding a bin in another part of the building to throw his litter into (rather than the bin under his desk). Another trick was to go down to the fax machine to send a fax, return to his desk, wait a couple of minutes and then return to the fax machine to collect the piece of paper.

Alfie (Alfie), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 12:00 (sixteen years ago) link

One of my new colleagues is, to all intents and purposes, Jade. I quote:

1. "What does agriculture mean?"

2. "I was so annoyed. Someone threw themselves under my tube yesterday. People that do that must be mad."

3. Me: "Just tell them to put the web address in and it will take them straight into the site."

Her: "What address? Their address?"

Matt DC (Matt DC), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 12:06 (sixteen years ago) link

I can't decide whether to post this to the annoying colleague or the B.O. thread, so I'm going to post it to both! Anyhow, in one office where I worked we had a guy with a B.O. problem and the managers had to have words with him in private on a couple of occasions. And yes, on those rare occasions when my sinuses were clear (one day in seventeen approx) it was quite annoying and offensive to me. However, it was NOT NEARLY AS ANNOYING AND OFFENSIVE as the colleague who used to go on and on about it all the bloody time whenever the guy with the problem walked out of the room! Not only that, but as soon as he left she used to reach for the can of air freshener which she kept on her desk *specially* and spray about a litre of it about the place! So instead of an office smelling of sweat we had an office reeking of air freshener!

MarkH (MarkH), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 13:58 (sixteen years ago) link

Mailroom guy who looks like a troglodyte - "I wanted 'digical'[pronounced thus] TV cuz I don't have enough channels! They were supposed to install it on Friday but they didn't - the whole weekend I had nuthin' to do! I was really looking forward to it too!"

dave q, Wednesday, 15 January 2003 14:21 (sixteen years ago) link

i don't want to help any of those people, though. far too annoying. the previous lot were quite sweet.

g-kit (g-kit), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 14:45 (sixteen years ago) link

I pretty much get along with my immediate co-workers, and none of them are so annoying that I can't tune them out. However, I once shared an office with a foot fetishist. No kidding; he was friggin' profiled in the Village Voice about it, and was completely calm and collected when I mentioned "so I saw the Voice today..."! I guess we all have our private interests, but we don't all alert the press about it!

Other things he did: worked at his cube standing up (making everyone around him very tense), unbuttoned his shirts halfway down his chest, commented on every phone conversation I had (work related or not), talked to himself, and played horrible CD-Rs of cabaret tunes he wrote and produced. I think the whole experience inoculated me against ever being annoyed by co-workers again.

mike a (mike a), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 16:14 (sixteen years ago) link

Okay, here's another example from today. We had a sales rep come in to demo a software package/online service that provides journal content. Anyhoo, I did a sample search, and one of the citations that got brought up was from an Ethiopian journal. She said (in all seriousness): "Wow! I didn't think that Ethiopians even had any paper, let alone journals!"

Unfortunately something this stupid is uttered in my office at least once a day...

Nicole (Nicole), Thursday, 16 January 2003 03:26 (sixteen years ago) link

The amount of coworkers you've killed in your head must make quite the body count.

Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 16 January 2003 03:54 (sixteen years ago) link

You have no idea. Entire populations have been erased.

Nicole (Nicole), Thursday, 16 January 2003 03:56 (sixteen years ago) link

"As the final screams echoed away into caverns of oblivion, Nicole turned off her death rays and rubbed her chin thoughtfully. 'Should I have used so much napalm?'"

Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 16 January 2003 03:57 (sixteen years ago) link

bg, no one is going to judge you harshly for refusing to fully experience the richness and texture of life. Pity? Sure. But no judgment.

Logy Psycho (Old Lunch), Thursday, 11 July 2019 13:12 (one month ago) link

*shits*

some top content on this in the latest LRB:

In the first decade of the 17th century, the English traveller Fynes Moryson noted with wonder that, in the presence chamber at Dublin Castle, ‘the wives of great men … make water as they stood talking with men … and … do openly the most secret necessities of the body.’ The transition to bodily inhibition took place quite slowly, however: Anthony Wood complained that when Charles II’s courtiers left Oxford, they also left ‘their excrements in every corner, in chimneys, studies, coal-houses, cellars’.

ogmor, Thursday, 11 July 2019 13:21 (one month ago) link

perhaps if you can sense that an impending turd is going to be truly remarkable you could curl it where people will stumble across it and marvel. *stomach rumbles auspiciously* "this'll be one for the fireplace"

ogmor, Thursday, 11 July 2019 13:23 (one month ago) link

oh man feels like i've got a real chimney-buster brewing, fire up facebook live and let's get the show started

i hate this thread and what it's done to me btw

Look, when you enter a discussion on annoying coworkers, you know what you're in for.

Logy Psycho (Old Lunch), Thursday, 11 July 2019 13:32 (one month ago) link

presents chamber more like

kinder, Thursday, 11 July 2019 14:25 (one month ago) link

While we smallmindedly write off our coworkers as disgusting animals unfit for cohabitation with other humans, those very coworkers are in fact sustaining age-old cultural traditions of pooping just wherever you feel like. Boy, do I ever feel like a grade-a boob.

Logy Psycho (Old Lunch), Thursday, 11 July 2019 14:42 (one month ago) link

the noblest traditions, versailles is not to be sniffed at

mark s, Thursday, 11 July 2019 14:47 (one month ago) link

the pissing and shitting habits of several centuries ago were completely fucked up

one of the reason the noble class would rotate through their palatial homes was because they'd just do their business in the corner or on the stairs and they'd have to leave for a couple weeks while some unfortunate servants would wash the place down. the smell was about what you'd expect

untuned mass damper (mh), Thursday, 11 July 2019 15:24 (one month ago) link

Back to annoying coworker anecdotes: I will never understand why it's preferable to compose an email asking someone else to search for something on your behalf rather than to just enter a simple search term into a field and click the 'Search' button.

Logy Psycho (Old Lunch), Thursday, 11 July 2019 15:26 (one month ago) link

xp - citation needed

Manfred Hemming-Hawing (WmC), Thursday, 11 July 2019 15:33 (one month ago) link

xxxxp - "in the hotel room" important because it's not like I had to go and find her to show her or for her to go more than 10ft

Elitist cheese photos (aldo), Thursday, 11 July 2019 15:34 (one month ago) link

I should probably shut up about this

Elitist cheese photos (aldo), Thursday, 11 July 2019 15:34 (one month ago) link

I was imagining that it was so impressive you had booked a hotel room & transported the mighty item there for best presentation

quelle sprocket damage (sic), Thursday, 11 July 2019 18:31 (one month ago) link

That sounds like something Mr Welshman this morning would have done to preserve it.

Elitist cheese photos (aldo), Thursday, 11 July 2019 19:40 (one month ago) link

I would've thought that the "coworker clipping their nails thing in the office" bit had been around long enough for everyone to know not to do this but APPARENTLY NOT

president of deluded fruitcakes anonymous (silby), Wednesday, 24 July 2019 16:07 (one month ago) link

Ex-office mate routinely went to town on his ear canal with a Q-Tip. The 'not okay but imma do it anyway' jewel is comprised of innumerable facets.

my but is not working it kept telling me device not found. (Old Lunch), Wednesday, 24 July 2019 16:11 (one month ago) link

I have decided my coworkers deserve it, so I clip my nails at my desk now

the one coworker within earshot who has an opinion I value said it's cool, so

untuned mass damper (mh), Thursday, 25 July 2019 14:16 (one month ago) link

2 people in a class of 22 seem to think this class is just for them and interrupt every 2 minutes with obscure, non-sequitur questions.

No amount of trying to direct them on topic, asking them to take it to a side discussion with us has ever done much more than temporarily dissuade them, and discussing an interruption is in itself an interruption.

Want to learn to bicycle kick before they know what a soccer ball is.

Fuck Trump, cops, and the CBP (Neanderthal), Friday, 26 July 2019 14:12 (four weeks ago) link

That reminds me of our team meetings, which are uniformly pointless and painful affairs for 95% of the team, but there's always that 5% who sit back and wait until people are half out of their seats at the meeting's putative end to ask a series of questions which a) pertain to them specifically but rarely to anyone else in the group and b) could have easily been asked and answered in an email rather than in the midst of a group of people who want to strangle them.

my but is not working it kept telling me device not found. (Old Lunch), Friday, 26 July 2019 14:20 (four weeks ago) link

are they waiting until the end when people are leaving because it's like an optional query that not-interested people can carry on leaving during, or just because they're annoying and strangleable?

I mean, maybe they think they're doing that, but it doesn't work unless everyone knows that's the format and it's definitely OK to leave, which sounds like is not the case, so still annoying

a passing spacecadet, Friday, 26 July 2019 14:30 (four weeks ago) link

oh god, I was in a training session that was like that earlier this year

eventually there was partial success with changing the policy from "questions at any time" to "we're running behind, we'll catch up with questions when we take a break" which only partially worked because after lunch the questions resumed

untuned mass damper (mh), Friday, 26 July 2019 14:42 (four weeks ago) link

Ex-office mate routinely went to town on his ear canal with a Q-Tip. The 'not okay but imma do it anyway' jewel is comprised of innumerable facets.

may he one day find his own ear drum dangling from a strand of cotton.

beard papa, Friday, 26 July 2019 17:05 (four weeks ago) link

Me: Please set up this thing you should have already set up so I can do my job.
Douchenozzle: That should already be set up.
Me: ..........................YES, I KNOW IT SHOULD, WHY THE FUCK ELSE DO YOU THINK I'M REQUESTING IT OF YOU, DOUCHENOZZLE?

Liberals are insane in the mimbrain!!! (Old Lunch), Tuesday, 6 August 2019 13:16 (two weeks ago) link

I am not a screamer and particularly not a screamer in the faces of others but this job is prompting me to rethink things.

Liberals are insane in the mimbrain!!! (Old Lunch), Tuesday, 6 August 2019 13:20 (two weeks ago) link

Workmate: I might not be in tomorrow
Me: how come?
Workmate: Migraine.

While sitting there looking perfectly fine. You plan your migraines now do you feller? Ugh.

Stoop Crone (Trayce), Wednesday, 7 August 2019 00:52 (two weeks ago) link

I don't know, I have migraines and sometimes when I have a mild one it means I'll have a worse one the next day. Also the thing about migraines is that when you call in sick for them, people get annoyed with you for not giving them more warning. So the pressure is on to try to predict when you're going to have one, even though you can't really.

Lily Dale, Wednesday, 7 August 2019 01:03 (two weeks ago) link

Hm I guess thats fair.

Stoop Crone (Trayce), Wednesday, 7 August 2019 06:09 (two weeks ago) link

i see people misuse the term "migraine" all the time too. from mild headache to "clearly i do not feel like doing anything so lets go with migraine". i think you're right to be a little suspicious (not that i disagree with the other points, could still be legit).

Mad Piratical (The Cursed Return of the Dastardly Thermo Thinwall), Wednesday, 7 August 2019 14:02 (two weeks ago) link

Yesterday someone in my office had a slightly frustrating phone call with an outside agency and hung up and announced dramatically, “Please just kill me. Kill me now” and went on for a while. I mean it’s not possible that she hasn’t seen the news in a week so I’m gonna have to go with 100% tone deaf for this one.

There's more Italy than necessary. (in orbit), Wednesday, 7 August 2019 14:12 (two weeks ago) link

did you... kill her

Captain ACAB (Neil S), Wednesday, 7 August 2019 14:15 (two weeks ago) link

I’m new here, I’m just trying to keep a low profile.

There's more Italy than necessary. (in orbit), Wednesday, 7 August 2019 14:52 (two weeks ago) link

yeah probably for the best!

Captain ACAB (Neil S), Wednesday, 7 August 2019 15:03 (two weeks ago) link

Okay so this one guy who I know I've complained about numerous times who is a thorn in everyone's side and among whose lesser crimes is a basic lack of understanding re: email...his new trick as of yesterday is re-forwarding emails he's just sent. As in: he sends me an email and then five minutes later goes into his 'sent' box and...forwards the email he just sent to me. Just...what? His mind is such an ever-crumbling garbage pit that it's difficult to clearly describe the inscrutable things that he does.

Liberals are insane in the mimbrain!!! (Old Lunch), Wednesday, 7 August 2019 17:01 (two weeks ago) link

You should open an IT ticket for him since his computer is forwarding emails that have just been sent.

Yerac, Wednesday, 7 August 2019 17:15 (two weeks ago) link

"oh, I forgot to copy Old Lunch on this email I just sent to Old Lunch!"

that's a special kind of brain pickling

untuned mass damper (mh), Wednesday, 7 August 2019 17:40 (two weeks ago) link

that sounds annoying af. but i would probably just tell him to stop it.

Mad Piratical (The Cursed Return of the Dastardly Thermo Thinwall), Wednesday, 7 August 2019 17:44 (two weeks ago) link

*thread stops, horrified*

phil neville jacket (darraghmac), Wednesday, 7 August 2019 17:51 (two weeks ago) link

I had a coworker who needed some temporary help with fielding political contribution and gifts and entertainment requests so he gave me access to a SHARED DRIVE and SHARED FOLDER that held the database. He would constantly email me to look up something in the shared drive and then walk over to our office to stand by my desk to ask about it. It was so confusing I had no clue if he was just fucking around. Like my brain would break trying to figure out what was going on.

Yerac, Wednesday, 7 August 2019 17:54 (two weeks ago) link

Re: the e-mail and second e-mail, used to have a co-worker who would send e-mails, then if you were showing online, IM, then if you responded, call. His priority was obviously your #1 priority.

the body of a spider... (scampering alpaca), Wednesday, 7 August 2019 19:53 (two weeks ago) link

I think he thinks email works like tennis. Someone sends you something and you send it right back to them. Because it's every day. Multiple times a day. I'm noticing that even the management here is getting a little more loose-lipped about their displeasure. But will anything be done? Ever? Even if this continues for several more years? I very much doubt it!

This dude works from home, so I have to just assume that his pants and seat are absolutely drenched in the urine he hasn't figured out how to dispose of properly.

Come and Rock Me, Hot Potatoes (Old Lunch), Friday, 9 August 2019 16:04 (two weeks ago) link

Between 10 and 11, you're allowed a break in my work and I always go to the staff canteen for a cup of tea and some toast - some people have massive breakfasts. Anyway, every time I'm there, it seems, there's a couple sitting having breakfast after which the man sits sucking his teeth in the loudest, most revolting, way imaginable, while carrying on a conversation with the woman he's always with. It's nauseating.

Euripedes' Trousers (Tom D.), Monday, 12 August 2019 09:24 (one week ago) link

Ewww

i'd rather zing like a man, than FP like a coward (Neanderthal), Monday, 12 August 2019 15:16 (one week ago) link

I am leading training preparation sessions and monitoring the classes when they start. There are three locations in one country - I am responsible for only two.

They assigned separate people to schedule the trainers for each location. Each person stupidly scheduled trainers without bothering to look to see if another location was using them. Three double bookings.

I tell them, they shrug and say "ok we'll just remove these people from your sessions", which now leaves a class with no trainer, and one with one too few.

i'd rather zing like a man, than FP like a coward (Neanderthal), Monday, 12 August 2019 15:24 (one week ago) link

(loud whistling of a jaunty tune suddenly pokes its head above the relative silence from several rows back)

WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU ARE RIGHT NOW? AND HOW DO I SEND YOU TO THAT PLACE, NEVER TO RETURN?

Amply Drizzled with Pure Luxury (Old Lunch), Thursday, 15 August 2019 19:09 (one week ago) link

I am and have been the only person who handles this particular task for years, largely because everyone else has steadfastly avoided learning the particulars of the task in question. So when I tell you that we cannot undertake this particular instance of the task for the reasons I've patiently detailed for you, that is pretty much the final word on the subject, no matter how much of my day you choose to eat up with your uninformed protests. The only thing that is likely to change as a result of your persistence is how many dozens of pizzas I'm going to have delivered to your residence this evening.

Amply Drizzled with Pure Luxury (Old Lunch), Friday, 16 August 2019 15:54 (one week ago) link

And then when I thought he finally took the hint, the dude for some reason forwarded our exchange to someone in another department (a department which, by all rights, I should never ever have any reason to interact with, so who even is this second guy) who has been calling and emailing me for the remainder of the day attempting to debate some shit that isn't up for fucking debate. Trying to decide whether I should or should not set my workstation on fire when I abruptly get up to leave for the weekend (or forever).

(FTR, the basic request is 'hey let's make a material change to a client's account without getting their consent or otherwise informing them in any way' to which my response has been a firm 'no, we pretty clearly should not be doing that, generally speaking, and to the extent that you want me personally to make the change for you, it straight-up isn't goddamn happening, you gaggle of absolute knobs'.

Amply Drizzled with Pure Luxury (Old Lunch), Friday, 16 August 2019 18:25 (one week ago) link

Coming onto this thread to vent into the void, because don't want to burden my wife with yet more complaints.

I work in a seasonal business where most of the year is preparing for the summer - I am nominally in charge of everything, but the recurring temporary summer ops manager* has the owner's favour and can do no wrong, whereas everything I do is assumed to be a failure even before it's been tried. This year this manager has fucked up loads and I haven't really put a foot wrong as far as I can see, yet the owner still talks to me in this contemptuous tone or berates me in public for any vague worries she has, while letting anything he does wrong slide just because he's her mate, and he'll just say "oops" and be instantly forgiven. For example, many of the best staff are very stressed and tired because of a decision he made, and they don't want to come back, she has even tried to pin this on me somehow, though actually it happened because I wasn't listened to. It is becoming dangerous to my mental and physical health, I need to quit but need stable work for my wife's visa, and yeah, pretty unhappy about all of this obviously.

*overlapping job roles is not good yeah?

mfktz (Camaraderie at Arms Length), Friday, 16 August 2019 21:58 (one week ago) link


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